My Three Sons (1960) s01e35 Episode Script

1
(theme song plays)
(birds chirping)
(mumbling): I have to work.
Man, oh, man, what a day.
And I have to work.
Not a cloud in the sky.
Hi, Henry!
Beautiful day, huh?
Hello, Steve.
"The hounds of Spring are on Winter's traces!"
Yeah, they, uh, they sure are, Henry.
Well, I, uh, I've gotta go to work.
I'll see you later.
See you later, Steve.
"Hounds of Spring," eh, Robbie?
Hmm?
(chuckles): Never mind.
About finished?
Uh, yes, sir, just about.
Well, it looks good.
Doing a nice job, Robbie.
Thanks.
(breathing deeply)
Sir, is something wrong?
Wrong?
What could be wrong on a day like this, Robbie?
Why, it's good just to be alive.
Clear sky, warm sun,
(inhales deeply) good clean air.
Glorious!
Oh.
Yeah.
Come out of your shell, Robbie.
Come out and meet your world head-on.
Expose yourself to the, uh,
glorious source of life.
Oh, sir, I couldn't do that.
If I expose myself, somebody might recognize me.
Somebody driving along in a car.
Somebody like Mary Lou Miller, maybe.
On a day like this in spring,
you're hiding from a girl?
Yeah.
Tell me, Robbie, in spring,
where does a young man's fancy turn to these days?
Hmm?
Never mind.
"A lovely apparition sent To be
"To be, to be a moment's ornament;"
"Her eyes (door closing)"
"like stars of twilight fair"
"Her eyes like stars of twilight fair"
"Like twilight's to her dusky hair,
"But all things else about her drawn
from Maytime and the cheerful dawn."
That's a lovely poem. One of my favorites.
Daddy, Mike was supposed to get it.
Oh, I was rather proud of myself
for having remembered it, after all these years.
It doesn't make any difference
whether you remember it or not.
Mike's the one who's got the oral exam tomorrow.
Start all over again, Mike.
MIKE: "She was a phantom of delight
when first she gleamed upon my sight"
Mike, where is the music and the passion?
Where is the music and passion?
Huh?
Never mind.
Hello, my dear.
You make this cake fall, and I'll never forgive you.
Ah, it's much too nice a day to be working.
Oh, it is a nice day.
I've been looking out the window.
"Spring, the sweet spring,
"the year's pleasant king;
"Then blooms each thing,
"the maids dance in a ring,
"Cold doth not sting,
the pretty birds do sing."
Now, Henry, you just stop that.
That's just awful to have to listen to.
You know, Florence, when I was a boy,
I won many contests reciting poetry aloud.
When I was 16, I thought I'd reached my peak.
Can you reach the vanilla extract?
That bottle in back.
I was outside just now, Florence,
and I had an idea.
No, it's the small brown bottle, way in back.
Why don't we go for a Sunday drive
just like we used to.
Oh, that's it. Thank you, dear.
When we were first married,
we'd go for a Sunday drive nearly every week.
Couldn't afford to do anything else.
It's a perfect day for a drive.
Oh, excuse me, dear.
The car's clean and shiny.
Let's do it, Florence.
Oh, Henry, I'd like to,
but we just got home from church and the cake
That can wait till we get back.
Well, and I have to fix the asparagus
Let's get off schedule, Florence.
Let's live a little, as they say.
All right, Henry, let's.
We'll drive out of town, into the country
Like we used to.
Maybe we'll even park, and pick wild flowers.
Remember?
I remember.
Why, Florence, I do believe you're blushing.
Oh, I am not.
What a perfectly awful thing to say.
You're still pretty when you, blush, Florence.
Now, Henry, you're acting like you're 19 again.
It's in the air, dear.
Daddy!
Yes, Jean, now, what do you want?
Is there anything cold to drink?
There's some lemonade in the refrigerator.
MR. PEARSON: "Could but I fly, I'd fly with thee."
"We'd make a joyful wing.
"Our annual visit o'er the globe.
Companions of the spring."
(laughs) Is that it? Is that the spirit?
I guess it is, dear.
Oh, I forgot the butter.
I hate poetry.
Oh, don't say hate, dear.
That's such a strong word.
Say dislike.
I dislike poetry very much.
I don't believe you mean that, Jean.
Well, I just hate
Dislike having to memorize it.
Studying on a day like this is nowhere.
MRS. PEARSON: Maybe you should take a break.
Yeah, take a walk, stretch your legs,
breathe good clean air.
What we'd really like to do is go to the movies.
There's a great picture at the Majestic.
That's obviously the best way
to enjoy a glorious spring afternoon
Sit in a movie theater.
Why don't you take a drive?
That's what your father and I are gonna do.
Are you really?
What's so extraordinary about that?
I think it's a great idea.
Dinner will be a little late.
We could go right on studying,
but it really wouldn't seem like studying.
I'll ask Mike.
Well, I better get ready.
You're lovely just as you are, dear.
Flatterer.
Now, when the bell on the stove goes off,
take the cake out of the oven
and put it on the drain board.
"Spring, the sweet spring,
"the year's pleasant king;
"the year's pleasant king;"
"Then blooms each thing,"
"maids dance in a ring"
(stamping feet, snapping fingers)
"Cold doth not sting
the pretty birds do sing."
(whistling)
(chirping)
(whistling)
(bird chirping)
(whistling)
Zap!
I have on my invisible
ray-proof outer suit.
Your weapons are useless.
(laughs)
Zip!
I'm disintegrating.
Promise?
The Martians are coming!
The Martians are coming!
The Martians are coming!
CHIP: That's no fair.
Yeah. It's not.
No, it isn't.
(Chip and Huey continue arguing)
Hey, Mike.
If some girl like Mary Lou Miller calls
or comes by here, I'm not home, okay?
Ah-ha!
Another ninth grade beauty
trapped by your irresistible charms, huh?
That's right.
She keeps after me for a date.
She's been calling every ten minutes.
I'm running out of wrong numbers to be.
Well, all of history's great lovers
had the same problem.
Yeah, she's a real weirdo.
I mean, it's like she's got radar or something.
I go to the malt shop and there she is.
I-I come home and the phone starts ringing.
Must have left it upstairs.
I mean, I've been the-the bus depot,
the train station, the-the pizza parlor
Well, I'd like to help you, Robbie,
but I'm going for a drive with the Pearsons.
Oh, gee, I wish I could go for a drive.
Maybe if I kept moving, Mary Lou couldn't track me.
(timer dings)
(phone rings) That's for me.
(high pitched voice): Hello.
(deep voice): Hello. Hello.
Hello.
You must have the wrong number, young lady.
This is the public library.
(car horn honking)
HUEY: I know, that's why it's no good.
CHIP: Yeah.
HUEY: Zap!
(imitating gunfire)
(car door closing)
Why not? CHIP: All right, I'm coming to get ya.
Come on.
Bub Come on, sport, move it, will ya?
Get out of here.
(groans)
HUEY: All right, Captain Zoomar,
you'd might as well come out!
I'll give you three seconds,
before I destroy this entire palace
with my death ray!
(imitating zap)
That's no fair!
HUEY: Two seconds, Captain Zoomar.
(knocking on door)
Dad? Uh, come in, Mike.
Oh, sorry to bother you, but
Oh, that's all right, I'm just taking a breather
until after they blow the palace up. Huh?
HUEY: One second, Captain Zoomar!
Oh, I see what you mean.
I guess they changed their plan.
(loud crashing)
Well, there goes the fifth one I've ruined today.
The first one went when they landed on the moon.
Uh, what is it, Mike?
Oh, I just wanted to tell you,
I'm going for a drive with the Pearsons. Oh.
Beautiful day for a drive. Yeah,
we're going out in the country.
I wish I could go with you,
but I've got to finish this thing.
I was gonna tell Bub, but I couldn't find him.
Oh, I think he's out in the garage
painting that bookcase again.
Well, so long, Dad.
Good-bye, Mike. (Kids whistling)
Uh, Mike.
You know, Mike, I was just thinking.
I'll bet there's no one who'd enjoy a ride in the country
more than two young boys about Chip's age.
Oh, no!
Oh, come on now, Mike, I'm desperate.
I've just got to get this done today.
And I can't concentrate with those two kids around.
They're either blowing up a palace
or crashing a spaceship every minute.
Well, can't you send Huey home?
No, no, his-his mother dropped him off.
She's gone to a party or something.
Come on.
Oh.
Well, I'll ask Mr. Pearson.
Okay.
Henry won't mind. He likes kids.
He does?
Well ask him anyway.
Tell him I'll return the favor some day.
Okay, so long.
Good-bye, Mike.
(loud crashing)
(birds chirping)
Hi, Mr. Pearson.
Car all right?
Oh, oh, yes, Robbie.
Yes, indeed, everything's fine.
Matter of fact, I think I'll give
you a dollar and a quarter,
instead of just a dollar.
Oh, it's on the house.
What?
Oh, no, Robbie, I couldn't let you do that.
No, I enjoyed it.
Boy, really sharp day, isn't it?
Yes, very sharp.
You going somewhere?
Going for a drive.
That is I'm going for a drive if
Florence will ever get out here.
A drive!
Oh, you know, I was just saying to myself
What I wouldn't give to go for a drive.
Boy, you really are lucky!
Well, uh,
well, why don't you ask your father?
I'm sure Steve Dad's working.
Oh.
Oh, you sure are lucky
to go for a drive this afternoon.
(sighs) Wow.
I'm sorry, Robbie, but I just can't
Sorry for keeping you waiting, Dad.
Mom will be here in a few minutes.
Excuse me.
MIKE: See you later, Dad.
Come on, Mike, let's go.
Couldn't find my book.
(Mike and Jean murmuring)
Get in.
That's great.
Thanks a lot, Mr. Pearson.
Okay, Mr. Pearson, we're ready.
You are?
MIKE: Oh, Mr. Pearson, Dad wants to know
if you'd do him a big favor.
Zip. (Buzzing)
He'd really appreciate it.
He's been trying to get some work done
for two hours, and Get in.
CHIP: Come on, Tramp! (Barking)
Mr. Pearson, I'll get in the front, and the two little kids
can get in the back. Now, now, now, wait a minute, Robbie.
Oh, no, you don't, oh, no, you don't.
I don't want those kids back here.
Dad, Dad. Now, wait, wait, wait.
Actually, we
we don't have room for seven people.
That's right, we don't have room
for seven people and a dog.
CHIP: Why don't we take the station wagon?
Hey, yeah, I'll get the keys from Dad.
Now, wait a minute, Robbie.
Dad won't mind. That's a great idea.
Now, just a minute.
JEAN: Excuse me.
No, no, no, wait a minute, let me out.
Here, Daddy, you put our books
in the station wagon, please.
But, Jean, I But Dad won't mind.
You're doing him a big favor.
Here, I'll move your car into your driveway.
All ready to go, dear? (Engine starting)
We're going in Steve's station wagon.
Our car won't hold seven people and a dog.
Seven people?
"Love thy neighbor," as they say.
All of them?
Well, that's the trouble with modern psychology.
Children nowadays always feel wanted.
I'm too old to pick wild flowers anyway.
That's right, dear.
Roll with the punches.
Quick, we've got to take off
before the magnetic monster discovers us.
There he is, the monster!
He's horrible quick!
BUB: Hey there, what's going on?
You roughnecks get out of that car.
(spraying)
I don't like the idea of driving other people's cars.
Makes me nervous.
Don't be nervous, dear.
With Robbie and Mike in the back seat,
I'm sure you'll have lots of help.
All right, now, you two.
BUB: Out of that car.
It's the monster, it's the monster!
Zap, zap, zap! (Buzzing)
That will do, little boy.
Now, Chip, you know your father's orders.
Get out of that car.
It's just us, Mr. O'Casey.
Tell him we're friends, General Conrad!
Oh, hello, Henry.
Uh, I didn't see you.
We're just going for a drive.
Well, now, that seems like a nice idea.
If I was cleaned up a little bit, I'd go along with you.
We wish you could.
Yeah, I do, too, but I've got too many chores to do.
Now, have a good time.
Enjoy yourself.
Thanks. (Bub humming)
Hurrah, hurrah! You saved us!
Congratulations, General Conrad.
You saved us from the magnetic monster.
Yeah, that's neat.
What's our next stop, General?
You can't have a next stop
until you start with the first stop.
Yes, sir, roger, okay, sir.
Come on, let's go!
What's wrong now?
I'm ruining my nail polish.
Can you fix this?
MIKE: "Phantom of delight."
"When first she gleamed upon my sight.
"A lovely" lovely apparition sent
"A lovely apparition sent"
I never can remember that last line.
"To be a moment's ornament."
(whispers): Gangway.
Hey!
What's going on, Robbie?
Move it, Robbie.
MIKE: What is going on?
You're getting in our way.
It's Mary Lou Miller.
She's at the front door.
MIKE: No, she isn't.
She's walking up the driveway.
Watch out.
Here, let me have the No, we need it to
sit on, dumb head.
Now sit on it.
Oh, boy, come on, let's go.
This is gonna be neat.
(Robbie groaning)
What are you
May I ask, what in the world is wrong with
Mary Lou Miller.
Hello.
Hello, Mrs. Pearson.
Uh, my, what a cute dress, Mary Lou.
Thank you.
Uh, how's your mother?
Oh, she's fine.
I was looking for Robbie Douglas.
Have you seen him?
Well, uh, I saw him a while ago.
MIKE: He, uh he was here.
Well maybe I'll wait around for a while.
Thanks.
CHIP: Mine is gonna make all yours die.
HUEY: I don't know, but it isn't.
CHIP: I do.
(Huey laughing)
(kids murmuring, laughing)
The coast is clear, Robbie.
ROBBIE (whispering): Not until
we're way the heck away from here.
She said she was gonna wait around.
Would somebody please tell me
what's so wrong with Mary Lou Miller?
I think she's perfectly darling.
She's a vampire.
A what?
Florence, I'm sorry.
I can't fix it.
That's all right, it's not important.
Gee, Daddy, what are we waiting for?
CHIP: Yeah, let's go!
(all shouting)
All right, everybody.
Fasten your safety belts.
We're off! (All cheering, horn honking)
The sooner, the better.
MIKE: "She was a phantom of delight"
JEAN: You know, it's starting to get a little cool.
I'll roll up my window.
MRS. PEARSON: These spring days are so unpredictable.
JEAN: Oh, dear, I left my sweater in the other car.
What's wrong?
Everyone who needs or is going to need
or thinks he might be going to need
a coat, jacket, scarf, sweater,
handkerchief or lipstick, please raise your hands.
I don't know why you have to be so military about it.
Two sweaters.
Jean, will you go get sweaters
for yourself and your mother?
Yes, Daddy.
MIKE: "She was a phantom of delight"
(grunting)
Where's Mary Lou?
She's still on the front steps.
"When first she gleamed upon my sight"
Hey, will you guys please move?
Don't you want us to protect you anymore?
Not if I have to get squashed to death.
"A lovely apparition sent"
"A lovely apparition sent"
Uh-uh, I just hit you.
"A lovely apparition sent"
"To be a moment's ornament"!
Oh, thanks.
I'm hungry.
Me, too.
Well, you ate lunch, didn't you?
I don't care.
I always get hungry when I go for a ride.
We just moved 30 feet.
MRS. PEARSON: Run in and get a piece of fruit or something.
ROBBIE (whispering): Hey, Mr. Pearson.
Tell them to bring me a piece of that blackberry pie.
(Tramp barking) Come on, let's go. Come on, Tramp.
Robbie, I don't think
eating gooey blackberry pie under a blanket
with two little boys sitting on you
Oh, that's okay, Mr. Pearson.
Dad doesn't mind if I eat between meals.
Is the coast clear?
Robbie, it might surprise you to know
that I am not worried about your eating between m
MIKE: "Like stars of twilight fair.
Her eyes like stars of twilight fair"
Bring back plenty of (door slamming)
Napkins.
Florence, I
Do you think if I sing it I could remember it?
I mean, like, uh
She was a phantom of delight. ♪
Far, far away.
What?
Nothing.
Oh.
Florence, what are you doing?
Fixing my nails. She was a phantom of delight. ♪
JEAN: Mother!
Yes, dear?
Mrs. Dell is on the phone.
Oh, that silly old woman.
She calls me all the time,
and she never has anything to say.
Don't talk to her then.
Well, it may be something important.
Uh, Henry, hold this a minute, will you?
Uh, I Be right there.
BUB: Well, uh, here I am.
Henry Pearson, what in the Sam Hill are you doing?
I'm sitting here in a borrowed car
holding my wife's nail polish while she chats on the phone.
Oh.
Well, if that invitation still holds good, I
Just sit anywhere.
Thanks.
A lovely apparition sent ♪
To be a moment's ornament. ♪
Hey, I got it.
What's the next line?
"All the world am sad and dreary."
MIKE (laughing): Yeah, hey.
(Chip imitating gunfire, Tramp barking)
MIKE: And now I see with eyes serene ♪
And now I see with eyes serene ♪
And now I see with eyes serene ♪
And now I see with eyes serene. ♪
Somebody change the record. (Tramp barking)
We never used to have so much trouble.
When we decided to go for a drive,
we got in the car, just went.
And now I see with eyes serene ♪
I think you're flat.
(overlapping chatter)
And now I see with eyes serene ♪
(shouting): All right, everybody, let's go!
I'm leaving in one minute, with or without you!
One minute!
On the double!
Now, are we all here?
ROBBIE: Help me, Mike.
One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight.
(barking)
Nine.
Nine?
Now, we're going for a drive,
and we are going to enjoy it.
Is that clear to everybody?
Oh, Mrs. Pearson,
would you mind taking me by house?
I can't wait any longer and Get in!
Mary Lou dear.
BUB: Hi, Mary Lou.
(Robbie grunts)
And now and now I see with eyes serene ♪
The very pulse of the machine ♪
(engine starting)
Of being ♪
Breathing, thoughtful breath ♪
A traveler be ♪
A traveler between (loud thud)
(yelling, ooga horn blasting)
Hi, Robbie.
MIKE: It's Barnaby.
JEAN: What's Barnaby doing in your jalopy?
MIKE: He borrowed it for a date.
(overlapping chatter)
Boys? Boys.
MR. PEARSON: Move back. It'll all be over in a minute.
All right, now, every Huey, get your feet off
Ah, you again. Now, Florence,
you take Jean back in the car.
It'll be all right, I'll take care of everything.
(loud, overlapping chatter)
Hey, Henry, what's going on?
You back already?
We haven't left yet, Steve.
You haven't left yet? What's wrong?
ROBBIE: Oh, Dad, it's okay. We just hooked bumpers.
MIKE: Yeah, we'll have it fixed in a minute, Dad.
Barnaby Oh.
(loud, overlapping chatter) Well, have a nice drive.
Get back. It'll all be over in a minute.
(loud, overlapping chatter)
Ah, I bet it's beautiful in the country.
(loud, overlapping chatter)
Grasshoppers buzzing, frogs croaking,
wildflowers blooming.
Yeah, great day for a drive in the country.
I envy them.
(loud, overlapping chatter, ooga horn blasting)
Well back to work.
(loud, overlapping chatter)
MR. PEARSON: All right, everybody, back in the car now!
We're gonna have a good trip and we're going to enjoy this!
(ooga horn blasting)