Gilligan's Island (1964) s02e01 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship set ground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
[Speaking native language]
[Speaking native language]
[Speaking native language]
How's our little project comin'?
Coming along just fine, Mr. Howell.
We'll be ready to test it in just a moment.
Now, gilligan, when I say the word,
we'll try her out.
I haven't said the word.
I'm sorry, skipper.
Mr. Howell, I think it's ready for testing.
Let 'er rip.
Gilligan!
I'm sorry, but I thought
you said, "let 'er rip."
I didn't say, "let 'er rip."
He said, "let 'er rip."
Now go ahead.
Well, go ahead, start pumping.
You sure that's the word?
Will you start pumping?
How's that, Mr. Howell?
Oh, fine. If I close my eyes,
I feel like I'm on the veranda
of the oyster bay yacht club.
That's funny. When I close
my eyes, all I can get is dizzy.
Gilligan, you are dizzy
whether your eyes are open or closed.
That's a devilishly clever air conditioner.
I have a place for you 2 men
in my organization
when we get off the island.
You hear that, skipper?
He's gonna give us a job
when we get off the island.
You mean "if."
We'll get off the island,
skipper, you'll see.
Of course we'll get off the island.
You don't expect thurston ho well III
to spend the rest of his life on an island
without a ticker tape machine, do you?
Not to mention a fox hunting season.
Yikes!
Skipper, when we least
expect it, something'll happen,
and we'll get off the island. You'll see.
Gilligan, all I want to see
right now is more palm fronds.
Now, go get some palm fronds.
Aye, aye, sir.
Hi
[Speaking native language]
Ooh! Skipper! Skipper!
Skipper! Over there!
Ov oh [Stammering incoherently]
Gilligan, what is it?
Poor chap has gone island happy.
No, no. [Stammering]
Whooo
Show me what you're talking about.
Hoo, hoo! Right there, skipper. See?
Skipper: Is that all?
Well, it's obviously
a peaceful native family
the father, the mother, and the daughter.
And the lady is wearing a wedding ring.
[Speaking native language]
I've never heard that tongue before.
I never even saw a
tongue like that before.
They obviously are from
one of the other islands.
Well, I'll check it out.
I say there, old boy, how do you do?
Uh, parlez-vous franais?
UN-gah bula-bula.
Bula-bula? Obviously a Yale man.
[Speaking native language]
[Speaking native language]
I think he's pointing at you, skipper.
[Speaking native language]
Yeah. He keeps pointing
at me and his daughter.
[Speaking native language]
Ohhhhh!
Don't you see?
They want you to marry their daughter.
Wh-what?!
Perhaps it's a way to get off the island.
W-What is?
You see, we'll have to go to their island
to celebrate the wedding.
Gilligan: That's a great idea!
And maybe they have a radio transmitter
and boats to put in the trade.
You gotta marry her, skipper. Absolutely!
Me marry that native girl? Not me!
Never! Never! Grab him!
Uhh! Let me go! I am not
gonna marry that native ohh!
[Stammering]
Ohhh!
Uhh no!
Oh I think we'd
better try another hairdo.
Oh, it wouldn't help.
Wouldn't hurt.
Ginger, why don't you try some lipstick?
Oh. That's a good idea.
No, honey, don't eat it.
Is she eating it? Yes, she's eating it.
Ooh. Well, then try
some eye shadow, then.
No. If she eats that, she'll
look awful with a black tongue.
Ginger, there must be
something we could do!
Well, girls, how are you doing?
Oh, dear.
Maybe if we had a hat with a veil
I'm sure she's considered quite attractive
in her own little group.
That's the trouble. She
is her own little group.
I see what you mean. Well,
dear, I brought these earrings
for you to try.
Oh, no. Not in the nose.
Maybe she should try it in the nose.
She does have a nice
little smile, doesn't she?
Lovely smile.
If only Rodney were here.
My hairdresser.
What would he do?
Well, he'd, um
He'd faint, I suppose.
Hey, skipper, let me in. Let me in.
Stay away from me, gilligan!
Let me give you a hand.
Thanks, gilligan.
Now we'll get those barrels over there!
Gilligan, I told you to stay away from me!
Skipper, you gotta go through with it.
If you marry that native girl,
we can go to their
island for the ceremony
and maybe find our
way back to civilization.
Gilligan, I am not
marrying that fat native girl!
Well, you're not so skinny yourself.
What I mean is, maybe
on your honeymoon,
you'll go on a diet together.
I mean
Look, gilligan, a thousand time no!
A thousand times no! I don't care
if she loses 20, 30, or 40 pounds!
Even if she disappears entirely,
I am not marrying that native girl!
But you said yourself you
wanted to get off the island.
Well, I've changed my mind.
I kinda love this little island.
Oh, no, you don't, skipper.
I know how you feel.
But, look, I'd marry that girl,
even though I wouldn't like it myself.
Oh, sure, you would.
You'd marry her right now.
Yeah, skipper, I would.
Sure, you marry her right now.
Skipper, I was just speaking
to our visitors outside.
You mean you
understand their language?
A little. It's a combination
of polynesian and papuan,
spoken only on a few islands
to the southwest of us.
You know, her father is a native chief.
You hear that, skipper? Your
father-in-law's gonna be a chief.
You I don't care if
he's the king of siam.
I'm telling you both, I am not
gonna marry that native girl!
Skipper, they don't want
you. They want gilligan.
You hear that, skipper? They
don't want you. They want gilligan.
That's right.
Me?
You.
Look!
What?
Come back here, you coward!
Come back here, gilligan!
Gilligan, my boy Where are you?
We'll find you. Gilligan!
Come out, wherever you are!
Darling, if you didn't want to get married,
where would you hide?
Let me see. If I remember correctly,
it was in the steam room
of the athletic club.
But you found me
anyway On the rocks.
Come on. Gilligan!
Gilligan! Gilligan, my boy!
Gilligan! We'll find you!
Gilligan! Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Gilligan?
Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Professor! Professor,
look! Come here. Look!
Come here. Quick. Look. The Reed.
Well, what about it? It's moving!
It's moving again.
Ginger, I don't care if they
did do that in a movie once.
Gilligan is not breathing
through that Reed.
Professor.
Oh, alright.
Gilligan!
Aah!
Aah! Professor! Ohhh!
Gilligan!
Gilli 9
gilligan?
I know you're in there, gilligan.
I can see your beady little
eyes shining in the dark.
Now, come on out here.
Alright, then. I'm coming in after you.
[Roaring]
[Screaming and stammering]
Uhhh uhhh
[Shouting fearfully]
Hee hee hee hee!
[Loud roaring]
[Speaking native language]
Would you mind tugging
on the other ear?
Gilligan! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Leave it to a mother-in-law
to find the groom.
Where have you been hiding?
I'll never tell. I might
want to hide there again.
Ohh! Lovey! Lovey! Oh, they're back!
Oh, good!
That means the wedding's on again,
and doesn't the bride look beautiful!
Skipper: The bride looks beautiful?
Huh?
All brides are beautiful.
You mean she'll look
worse after we're married?
Wait till you hear of the
honeymoon trip I've planned for you.
You mean together?
First a short stay in cannes,
then a little trip to venice
Perhaps you can wangle an
invitation to countess Theresa's chateau.
Mmm. Countess Theresa
[Speaking native language]
Oh, you know her.
Mmm. [Speaking native language]
He's right, you know.
She is an awful bore.
Maybe I should write the prince in da
oh, Mrs. Howell, wait a
minute. First things first.
First we've gotta get off the island.
[Speaking native language]
Oh, yes. The chief says,
"but first gilligan must
pass the marriage test."
Pass the marriage test?
That's one test I'm gonna flunk for sure!
What, little buddy?
That's one test I'm gonna
try my very, very best
to pass Even if I have to cheat?
Exactly, gilligan. That's right, little buddy.
Skipper: Keep going, gilligan, little buddy.
[All cheering gilligan on]
Skipper: Keep it going, gilligan.
That's it. Keep going.
That's it. Keep goin'.
Professor: You are magnificent.
You're doin' great. Isn't he wonderful?
Little buddy, keep it up!
Hey, buddy, you're passing the test!
[Chief chattering and laughing]
Ohhh!
[Speaking native language]
You did it!
They did it, professor! They did it!
You did it, little buddy!
Skipper
I don't think I'm gonna be able
to support this wife.
[Gasping for air]
La la, poopila.
Ha ha!
[Speaking native language]
Ah. I'll go tell the others
we'll finish packing.
Hold it, skipper. Now
comes the test of bravery.
Bravery? Anybody who would marry her
has gotta be the
bravest man in the world.
This test is called the test of knives.
Knives?
Don't worry, little buddy.
The test of knives
could mean Anything.
I'm not worried, skipper, because I
[speaking native language]
Skipper. Skipper!
Skipper, please!
Come on! Come on, skip
[speaking native language] Uhh!
Skipper! Help me!
Please, little buddy, just stand
steady, and you won't get hurt.
Huhh!
No, I'm not gonna get hurt.
I'm gonna get killed!
[Moans]
Huhh!
Gilligan, don't move around too much.
Gilligan, please, now.
These native are
wonderful with these knives.
They hardly ever miss!
Hardly ever?!
[Chief speaking native language]
That's it! The marriage tests are over.
Oh, gilligan, little
buddy, do you hear that?
The marriage tests
are over! You've passed!
Yes. He's also passed out.
Professor, you bring him to.
I'll get the others down to the lagoon
so we can get to that island of theirs
and we can be rescued.
[Speaking native language]
Uhh! Yeek!
What now?
[Speaking chief's language]
[Speaking native language]
He says according to
custom, the groom's family
has to throw a party
for the marriage couple.
A party! What a divine idea.
We'll make it the social
event of the season
a costume affair, with all
of us dressed as natives.
You savages can come
as you are, of course.
You look terribly native already.
I'll make a lousy husband. Really.
I can't hunt, and I can't fish.
And I can't shrink a head worth a darn.
Besides that, I can't even
gilligan, you can't get
out of being married,
so stop trying. Now, here.
It's time to get dressed for the party.
Wait a minute. That I can do myself.
Oh! [Speaking native language]
Well, how do I look, gilligan?
You look like a bowl
of soggy shredded wheat.
Thank you for the compliment.
Well, since we're passing
around the compliments,
I've seen whisk brooms
that look better than you do.
Ha, ha, ha.
Let's go to the party.
Honga bonga.
Honga bonga to you, too.
Oh! Ha ha ha!
Why, gilligan, what did you do?
Ha ha ha ha!
Thurston, how do
you like my grass skirt?
You look like miss
alfalfa, rotating her crops.
[Chuckles]
You know, darling, there's
something wrong with these costumes,
I think. After all, it is a wedding.
You're so right. Let's give
it the, uh, the ho well touch.
Oh, yes! By all means, let's.
Oh darling
Come on, my dear.
Let's show them what the
wealthier natives are wearing.
I love a parade.
Is everybody happy?
[Speaking native language]
This wine leaves a lot
to be desired, gilligan.
Ha ha ha!
[Speaking native language]
[All talking at once]
This man is impossible.
I have never I
[speaking native language]
Lovey! That mean old chief
took away my my imported top hat.
Aw, never mind, darling.
At least you have the satisfaction
of knowing that it
doesn't do a thing for him.
No, it doesn't.
Some party, huh, gilligan?
Yeah. Some party.
Ahh
gilligan, your mother-in-law
wants you to eat more food
so you'll grow big and fat.
I still think they're gonna eat me.
No. No.
[Speaking native language]
[Speaking native language]
I knew it! I'm gonna be the main course!
Gilligan, they only want you
to join in the marriage dance.
I don't mind getting married! Ok!
But I refuse to dance
at my own wedding!
[Singing in native language]
[Giggles]
[Singing and shouting in native language]
Gilligan! Go, man! Go, go, go, go!
[Chanting and singing
in native language]
[All cheering gilligan on]
[Singing in mock native language]
[Singing in mock native language]
Yaaaahhh! Yaaahhhh!
[Speaking native language]
Wonder who he is.
Search me, professor.
Yaaaahhhh!
Whoever he is, he sure is
sore about missin' dinner.
[Chief talking]
[Speaking native language]
The chief says his name's harouki,
his daughter's old suitor,
who's come to enter
a contest for her hand.
How romantic!
A contest for her hand?
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
Harouki, old man, how many
fingers do I have behind my back?
[Speaking native language]
Yeah, one! You're right!
You not only win her hand,
you win all of her, too. Oh, boy. Bye.
Wait a minute, gilligan.
[Speaking native language]
The chief says choose a
contest that he can understand.
How about a running race?
He runs that way, and I run this way.
Gilligan
[Speaking native language]
He's decided the contest
is to be with Spears.
Spears? Oh, that's wonderful.
See who can throw
the spear the farthest.
That's one I'm bound to lose.
Not farthest, gilligan. At each other.
At each other? Somebody
can get hurt that way.
Oh, now, wait a minute.
Now, look, chief. The
wedding is one thing,
but sticking my little buddy with a spear
is something else. Now, Spears are out.
[Speaking native language]
I get the point.
[Speaking native language]
He says the contest is to take place
first thing in the morning.
You hear that, gilligan? You've
only got one night to practice.
Yaaaahhh ha!
Huhhh!
Practice what
Dying?
Alright, now, little buddy,
I know you can do it.
Right in the center.
Right in the center of that old bull's-eye.
Right! Right in the center of that old
not now, gilligan, for goodness sakes.
Go back here 20 paces, now. 20?
Count 'em off. That's
the rules, of course.
Coordination, my boy. Keep going!
Simple flip of the wrist. Don't shank it.
That's it. Stop now. Yah-hunh!
Heavens! I've been skewered!
Harouki.
Harouki.
Hello.
Me ginger.
Me girl.
Or have you already noticed?
Harouka!
That's right. You harouka.
Me girl.
Girl!
Now you're learning.
Me girl,
you boy.
And there's no telling
what can happen from there.
Now Big, strong you
doesn't really want to hurt
little, scrawny gilligan with this
hurt him with this big, nasty old spear
Do you? Oh
My
What big, broad shoulders you have.
What a handsome-looking devil you are.
Yaaahhhh!
Ohhh! Yaaahhhh!
Professor! Yaaahhh!
Professor!
Professor!
Professor!
Aah! What's going on here?
[Speaking native language]
What's he saying?
Well, uh, he he says he likes you,
but you're not exactly the type girl
he'd take home to mother.
Well
Well!
Hmmph!
Thank you, Mr. Howell.
Now then, I shall toss this
coin to see who throws first.
Gilligan, you call it. Call heads.
Tails. Heads.
Tails.
Heads.
I want tails!
Heads!
It's a 2-headed coin, you dummy.
[Speaking native language]
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
Harouki says you can
go first anyway, gilligan.
He's seen you practice, and you
can't hit the side of a mountain.
Is that so? Well, I'll prove it.
Uhh! Ohh!
I was just gonna go find a mountain.
[Speaking native language]
Whoo! Heh. These Spears are sharp.
Gilligan, try and make
him miss. Think thin.
[Speaking native language]
[Beats drum]
The contest is on in one minute.
[Speaking native language]
What was that for? Was
he wishing me good luck?
He said he was just
kissing you good-bye.
Think thin, now.
Ok. Ok, skipper.
[Speaking native language]
[Thud]
At the sound of the drum, you
will turn around and take 5 paces.
[Thud thud]
[Thud]
[Strikes drum 4 times]
Oh, come on, gilligan. Aim it and throw it.
I'm afraid to, skipper. I might hurt him.
Oh, gilligan, just Nick
him. Aim for his gun hand.
Like they used to do in the westerns.
Ok.
Which hand is his gun hand?
Gilligan, will you stop that and throw it?
Ok, skipper.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
You missed!
Ha ha ha ha!
[Speaking native language]
[Growls]
Now it's his turn.
[Grunting]
Hummhh!
Oh, I can't watch.
Oh, me, too!
Neither can I!
[Growling]
Ha ha!
[All cheering]
[Whistling]
Oh, gilligan, you did it, little buddy!
You did it! He's knocked out!
You knocked him cold!
That's usin' the old coconut! Ha ha ha!
[Speaking native language]
[Speaking native language]
Gilligan, you're off the
hook. She's marrying harouki.
Let's give harouki 3 cheers.
Rah! Rah! Rah! Rah! Rah!
Let's all get ready, and we'll go
to their island for the wedding!
[All talk at once]
[Speaking native language]
What's bothering him this time?
Well, he says we're
not going anywhere
That the wedding is
private. It's by invitation only.
Oh, no!
[Speaking mock native language]
[Speaking native language]
[Growling]
[Speaking native language]
What did I say, professor?
What'd I say? What'd I say?
Good luck, gilligan. Thanks, professor.
It's fantastically fortunate
this harouki fellow wants to take you
to his island as his best man.
Yeah, it's really fortunate.
Now, remember, gilligan,
as soon as you get there,
find out if they have a radio transmitter.
And see if the trade ships
really come into the ports there.
And let us know as soon as possible.
Aye, aye, sir.
Uh
[Stammering]
Well, see you later.
This way, gilligan.
Over here.
Now, remember, gilligan,
we're counting on you.
Do exactly what the skipper said.
Yeah.
If you get word, write.
Write us back, now.
Don't drink their water!
Their currency's unstable.
Professor: Everything they say, gilligan.
It'll come out alright.
[Speaking native language]
What's he sayin', professor?
[Speaking native language]
Oh, he just said you had
to pass the best man test
before the marriage, gilligan.
Best man test? What's that?
[Speaking native language]
Poison darts at 6 paces!
Poison darts at 6 paces?!
They're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in the tropic island nest ♪
no phone No lights
no motorcars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪