Platonic (2023) s02e01 Episode Script

1
[Sylvia] I can't believe I'm getting
another one of these. It's so depressing.
[Will] What's the big fucking deal?
It's just a car.
[Sylvia] Yeah,
'cause you don't have to drive it.
When you're a woman, driving a minivan,
it's like wearing a scarlet letter.
Except you're marked as invisible,
asexual and not a professional person.
Hey, no one looking at you thinks
you're not a professional person.
I can't speak to those other two things
at all. But you're very professional.
- You're planning my wedding, right?
- I know.
- You guys were so sweet to hire me.
- Yeah.
But my main gig is just
driving my kids around all day.
[sighs] I can't do it.
I can't pull the trigger.
I don't wanna get another one.
- [groans]
- Well, in that case,
might I recommend something
a little bit sexier?
Ooh, hello, sailor.
Hey. Hi.
- Hi. How's it going?
- Uh, great.
Me and my friend
would love to test-drive that, uh,
yellow number over there.
[German accent] Yes. I'm just looking
for a car that can go fast
and is sexy but makes me feel alive.
It's time to drive.
Yep.
[engine starts, revs]
- Okay, let's go. Let's go.
- And let her fucking rip, bitch.
- Whoo! Come on. Yeah! Oh.
- Fucking go! Oh.
- [phone rings]
- Oh, one second, one second.
Hey, Penguini. How's it going?
Oh. I love you too, sweetie.
[whispers] Tell her I said hi.
[mouthing] Say hi.
[normal] Tell her I said hi.
Oh, what the fudge, Penguini?
- [mouthing] Fudge. My God.
- He was late again?
Oh, that sucks, Penguini.
I'm sorry.
Okay, yeah, well,
I-I-I'll be back home late tonight.
Can't wait to see you.
Love you, Penguini. Bye.
Oh.
[imitates Will] "I love you, Penguini.
Penguini."
What? Come on.
You just code-switched
like a motherfudger.
Oh, okay.
- Well, Jenna doesn't swear and so…
- Yeah, I get…
- …I'm trying to accommodate that.
- Got that.
- So sue me. And what…
- Who are you?
- What? She doesn't swear.
- Who are you?
- We started calling each other Penguini.
- Are you okay? Penguini?
Penguini… It's fucking adorable.
- What the fuck do you want from me?
- What are you like?
Well, you didn't tell her I said hi.
Why didn't you tell her I said hi?
Trying to keep us apart? What's happening?
It didn't come up. What, you want me
to call her back and say you said hi?
- No, it's fine.
- I'll text her.
- I'm texting her.
- No, no, no.
- Tell her you said hi. Sylvia says hi.
- Stop. You don't…
- [phone beeps]
- She says hi back.
- Okay. All right, Penguini.
- Look at that. Connection has been made.
- Okay. Let's do it.
- Okay. Whoo!
- Yeah! Do it!
- [Sylvia cheering]
[engine revs, stalls]
- [Sylvia] Sorry.
- [engine cranks]
- [tires screech]
- Sorry. Sorry.
- [tires screech]
- Sorry.
- [engine cranks]
- Sorry. I can't do this.
I don't wanna do this. I can't.
I don't wanna do this.
This is so stressful.
I… No.
Hey, it's very low.
I can't do this. I don't wanna.
[Will] Sir, will you help me
get out of this dumb fucking car?
["Next to Normal" playing]
Okay, remember
we're on a very tight schedule
to get down to San Diego after school,
so no dawdling.
And don't forget your permit.
Can you please sit up front
while I'm driving?
- Dad gets so tense. It freaks me out.
- Okay. No problem.
Mom, do we have to
go to Legoland tomorrow?
I mean, I'm way too old for that.
Buddy, come on. I have to work
Will's engagement party.
Dad loves Legoland, okay.
He's taking the three of you down there.
You have a job, Mommy?
Kind of.
[stammers]
- Okay. I ki… I kind of have a job.
- Bye.
- Bye. Bye. Bye.
- [Simon] Bye, Mom.
- Bye. [chuckles]
- Oh. [grunts]
- Bye.
- Bye.
Bye.
He calls her "Penguini"?
Yeah. It's the weirdest thing.
- Because they like penguins?
- Apparently.
I've… I've just never seen
Will act like this before.
He's just so stable and square.
He's kind of boring.
- [Charlie] Oh.
- I don't know. It's sad. For me at least.
What's square about liking penguins?
Well, you know, maybe it's a good thing.
- Maybe Will is finally growing up.
- [Sylvia] I guess.
I've just never expected
to see this tame version of him.
But maybe you're right.
He's finally ready to settle down
and be as dull as the rest of us, right?
We are not dull. We like Chappell Roan.
God. Can everybody be quiet?
I need to change lanes.
Maeve, what's happening on my right?
- It's clear.
- You're good.
OMG, it's Sephora. Look.
Take the next exit…
- What are you doing?
- …so we can get some boba.
I am mimicking the audio environment
of a car full of teenagers.
Uh, you got to say "rizz" to make it work.
Oh, my God!
It's Timothée Chalamet over there!
- Wait, where?
- It's a red light! It's a red light!
[Charlie screams]
- [horn honks]
- [all screaming]
[pants] Jesus.
I think that one's on you, babe.
Yeah.
Fuck!
- Well, hi.
- Hi.
[Will chuckles] Hey.
- Oh, my God. This place is stunning.
- Hi, Sylvia.
- [Will laughs] Yes.
- Are you kidding me? Wow. The ocean view.
The gardens. I mean… [gasps]
- Have you never been here before?
- No.
He's been commuting to LA for work, so…
- Yeah.
- Yeah. It's gorgeous.
You know, she's the CEO of a giant food
conglomerate, so that's what you get.
- [chuckles]
- Sylvia's a CEO too.
We're in the same grind.
Yes. That's very kind of you,
but I would not compare us. [chuckles]
Well, keep plugging away
and hopefully your boss gets fired
for sexual harassment.
Oh, I'm my own boss,
so I can make that happen. [chuckles]
Oh, you know, I have all the tips
for the vendors in my office.
Why don't you come with me,
and I'll give you a tour?
- Yes. You got it.
- Yeah. [chuckles]
[Will] Have fun.
- Here you go. This should be everything.
- Great.
Listen, while I have you here,
I have a favor I need to ask.
Oh, yeah. How can I help?
Dad really wants Will to join him
in some stupid toast he's planning
for tomorrow.
- Oh, okay.
- And Will doesn't wanna do it.
Knowing Dad, I am sure that the toast
is going to be real cringe,
but it would mean so much
to Dad if Will did it.
Do you think you could try
to convince him?
Of course. No, I can try.
I mean… You know Will.
It's very hard to convince him to do
anything he doesn't wanna do, as you know.
If you could just float it,
that would be amazeballs.
- Amazing, yes.
- [chuckles]
- [phone buzzing]
- Ooh, pardon me. I have a call.
Oh, Beijing office.
You're a CEO. You get it.
Oh, yeah. Stop comparing us. [chuckles]
[Jenna] Nǐ hǎo. Johnny 66.
[speaks Mandarin]
…waffle fries. [chuckling]
Oh, Chin.
- [speaks Mandarin, chuckles]
- Okay.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
You, uh… You're leaving already?
Yeah. I gotta get to the club.
Lot to do before tomorrow.
- Yeah.
- Are you excited?
Yes. Very excited. Super excited.
- Um… Yeah.
- Great.
- Super… Super psyched. [inhales sharply]
- What's wrong? You okay?
Look, I got something
I need to tell you, okay?
Oh, my God. Is she pregnant?
Is Jenna pregnant?
No. No. Fuck, no. No, no. No, no.
The opposite actually. Sort of.
In some ways. Um…
[whispers] I have a crush on somebody.
- What?
- I have a crush on somebody.
What the hell are you trying to tell me?
- I'm not… No, no.
- Are you having an affair?
- What are you telling me?
- I'm not. I'm…
It's just an innocent crush.
I have an innocent crush on…
Have you never had a crush
on somebody before?
- When I was a child. I was 10 years old.
- There you go.
You know what it's like.
That's what I got.
- I got one of those, okay?
- What do you mean?
- Is this gonna blow everything up?
- It's just a cr… No.
- It's just an innocent… A small little…
- I don't wanna hear about it.
Well, I can't keep these feelings
locked inside me.
Yes, you can. That's marriage.
Just lock it up. Shut it down.
Just bury it.
- I told you. Too late.
- What's wrong with you?
Forget about this person.
I shouldn't have said anything
because it was a joke.
- What?
- I never said anything.
- I never brought this up. Never happened.
- Still here?
- Oh! Oh, my God.
- Hey, sweetie.
- Hi.
- What's up?
- [Sylvia] Oh, my gosh.
- Good to see you. Yeah, so…
- Yeah.
- It's so good to see you and…
and I'll see you later.
See you tomorrow. Bye.
[sighs]
I don't think having a crush
is just pre-wedding jitters.
Well, what else could it be?
It's the pressure of getting married.
This is the moment where he really
has to pull the trigger and,
of course, he's getting cold feet.
It's classic Will.
- Who does he have a crush on?
- I didn't ask.
- I don't want to know anything about it.
- What did you say?
I just told him to shut the fuck up
and grow a pair.
I think you need to hear him out.
I would love to hear him out,
but I have to be at the golf course
by 7:00 a.m. for deliveries.
- And then I have 60 guests arriving…
- [sighs]
…a dozen of which are from out of town.
And then, apparently, I have to install
an AV system for the toast.
And that's more important than hearing
about your friend Will's marriage doubts?
There's no time for doubts anymore, okay?
That ship has sailed.
He's getting married
whether he likes it or not.
This wedding is happening.
The machine is on.
The machine is on?
Yes. It is on.
There's no off switch, okay?
I know this job means a lot to you,
but don't let it get
in the way of talking to Will.
- [groans]
- Getting married is a big decision.
You think I don't know that?
I was a basket case before our wedding.
Will had to talk me down.
Wait. You were? He did?
No. No, no.
[scoffs] JK, JK, JK.
- I cannot find my lip balm.
- It's on the nightstand.
Okay. Fine.
You're right.
I'll find time to talk to him
before the party tomorrow.
I don't think he would've said anything
if he didn't need someone to talk to.
[sighs] I know.
Okay. Thank you.
I'm so lucky to have you.
- Of course. I love you.
- I love you too, baby.
Getting married to you was
the best decision I ever made.
Aw.
[both chuckling]
[Charlie] Mmm.
[Frances] Oh, my God. I'm still awake.
Wow, she is such a cockblock.
Why did we buy her those $500 headphones
if she doesn't wear them?
[sighs]
[guests chattering]
Look at that. Right?
- Hey, buddy. Hi. [gasps]
- Hey.
- Hi, Sylvia. Oh.
- Jenna, you look so lovely.
Yeah, right? [chuckles]
- Aw, you guys, congratulations.
- Thanks. This whole thing's amazing.
- You did really great. Yeah.
- I… Yeah.
- I love the penguins on the tables.
- Yeah, so many penguins.
- It's so us. You did such a great job.
- It really is.
Such a great… It really is.
- Uh, and the color palette…
- Yes.
- Yes. I know.
- …I mean, it worked.
- So many different colors.
- Yeah.
- You were right!
- It's all of them.
- Yeah, basically all of them.
- It's a combination. Yeah.
- When you know, you know.
- Yeah, you knew.
- Congratulations.
- Hey, Uncle Pete.
- Yeah. Good to see you.
- Oh, Uncle Pete. Hi.
Where can a man get a scotch around here?
- I will show you. This way.
- [Sylvia] Yes.
- Full bar right there, sir.
- Love you, penguin.
Love you, Penguini.
Don't be fooled by Uncle Pete.
He might look cute.
Apparently, he ate a man in Korea.
- Wow. Did he say what it tasted like?
- Lasagna.
I bet that guy hates Mondays.
- Am I right?
- [grunts]
I just want to apologize about
springing all that shit on you yesterday.
- I shouldn't have done that.
- No, no.
That was not cool of me.
- No apology necessary.
- No. It's all good.
You were trying to talk to me
about something.
I shut you down,
and I shouldn't have done that,
- and I'm sorry.
- No, it's fine.
No, honestly, I was freaking out,
but I feel much better now.
- It's in the past. I'm over it, okay?
- Okay.
- Yeah. Totally. Great.
- I'm glad to hear it, but…
- Yes.
- …if you wanna talk about it again or…
I don't. I'm fine. It's nothing.
Not a thing,
so there's nothing to talk about.
Copy that. Speaking of which,
um, Jenna brought something up
that she wanted me to ask you about.
- Oh, yeah?
- Um…
Uh, I guess her dad is making a toast,
- and she wants you to do it with him…
- Fuck. This fucking toast.
What? What? How bad can it be?
- Just be a sport. Come on.
- It's bad. Oh, it's bad. It's really bad.
- Is it racist?
- No, it's not racist.
- Is it homophobic?
- No.
- Is it Islamophobic?
- Yeah, it's Islamophobic.
He wants me to participate
in his Islamophobic fucking toast
- at my own engagement party.
- Hey!
- Are you crazy?
- I don't know!
- It's just lame. It's just lame.
- All right.
- Okay? Yeah.
- Well, consider the message delivered.
Well, thank you.
I got it, and I don't want to do it.
- [sighs]
- [inhales sharply] God.
I gotta go say hi to Jenna's aunts.
She's got eight aunts.
- It's like a colony.
- Okay. Well, good luck.
- Hello, aunts! Welcome.
- [all cheer]
- [Omar] For real?
- Have you seen Hereditary?
- [Omar] My caviar's soggy.
- No, that movie's weird.
Hi, guys!
- Oh.
- Sylvia. Hi.
Oh, hey.
- Good to see you.
- [Reggie] Sylvia, good to s…
- Good to see you.
- Hi. Happy to see you here.
You look terrific. Is that, uh, Ozempic?
- What?
- [Reggie] What?
- Hey, guys. Glad you could make it.
- No.
It's a pretty sick club, dude.
Yeah. Guess so. Yeah.
Her family's pretty well-off.
Did you see that Lucky Penny
was featured in Eater LA?
- I did. Uh-huh. Yes.
- LA Times. New York Times.
You forwarded me every one of those clips.
- That shit was crazy, dude. Fire.
- [Will] Yeah, that was dope.
I was wondering if I could talk to Jenna
'cause we're thinking about opening up
a second Lucky Penny location,
and I would love to pick her brain.
- Sure. Knock yourself out, man.
- And with your permission, respectfully,
I'd love to pick Jenna's brain as well.
But my topic is AI.
You don't have to ask
my permission to talk to her.
You just fucking talk to her, guys, okay?
- Sylvia.
- Yes.
Can I ask you a professional question?
- Of course.
- Uh, Reggie and I are tripping right now.
Mmm. [stammers, chuckles]
- Is that the question?
- Like, microdosing?
No, this shit is macro.
Also, I put a tab of acid
in one of the champagne flutes for Omar.
Lost track of it.
- What?
- What?
Have either of you seen a tab of acid
in one of the champagne flutes?
It would be hard to spot
because they're kind of clear
and translucent-y.
Are you fucking kidding me?
- No.
- How the fuck did that happen?
How did you do that?
I'm not understanding what's not clear.
We put a tab of acid in…
- Fuck is wrong with you fucking guys?
- What's the matter with you?
Jesus fuck!
Whoa. Will, I can tell you're upset.
Can we please talk about this
when I'm back from my trip?
- No!
- Shut up!
- We gotta find… Fuck.
- We have to f… It's a nightmare.
A nightmare for you.
Imagine being here without being on acid.
Nobody drink! Everyone stop drinking!
- Stop! Stop, stop.
- Stop drinking! Stop!
- Everybody, stop. Just stop. Stop.
- Stop it.
- Take a beat.
- Just put… No, stop! Stop.
- Just don't drink because, uh…
- Everyone, put your glasses down quickly.
- [Will] Drop your glasses.
- [Sylvia] Yes.
Just quickly before we drink
our champagne.
- [Will] Yeah!
- There's a…
- Go on.
- There's a…
- Go ahead.
- There's an old Jewish tradition.
- Yeah, so…
- Uh… To those who have come before.
To those who have come before.
And-And we're not talking about
a conflict area.
- This is not political.
- And we're not talking about…
This is all to do with
the happy Jewish stuff.
- Yes. Ci… Circle of life.
- The classics. The good stuff.
- Mm-hmm.
- That's The Lion King.
- But, yeah, you know.
- Adjacent.
Raise your glasses…
[guests chuckling, chattering]
- …to those who've come before.
- To those who have come before.
- Let's pour it out.
- Now, dump 'em. Dump 'em out.
- Every last drop. Uh, yeah.
- [belches]
Lest our Jew god be vengeful.
- L'chaim!
- [guests] L'chaim!
Okay, that was bad.
Not as bad as it could have been.
- But we need more champagne right away.
- Yes, absolutely.
- What do we do?
- I'm gonna handle it. I've got a plan.
- You do?
- Yep. Of course. I have a plan.
Um, we can take some Sprite
and mix it with a little vodka
and call it a dry Spanish cider.
- [inhales sharply]
- That is not gonna fool anybody.
[sighs] I'm sorry. I can't believe
this happened under my watch.
This is terrible.
I've ruined your engagement party.
- No, you didn't. It's fine.
- You gave me this opportunity.
- It's not your fault.
- It is my fault.
- It's not.
- It is my fault.
- It's not. It's really not.
- I'm a fake.
- You're not a fake. No.
- I'm a fraud.
My business is nonsense.
I bought a van,
and I had "Events by Sylvia"
painted on the side of it,
and then I had to sell it
two months later.
And now I see it sometimes
driving around the neighborhood,
and I have to pretend
to the kids that it got stolen.
We'll just buy more champagne, okay?
It'll be fine.
I have all of this white wine.
Could we not use this to sub out for it?
We need champagne.
Jenna's parents are Waspy alcoholics.
- All they fucking do is drink champagne.
- Really?
- Yes, it has to be champagne.
- Okay. I'll go and get some.
I'll go with you. I know the area better.
It'll be faster.
Will, this is your engagement party.
You can't leave.
Instead of arguing,
we could have done it already.
Look, let's just go. I'll drive.
Leave the Sprite.
Or bring it, whatever.
Ooh!
This is fun, huh? Sporty.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Corporate ride.
One of the perks of the gig, you know?
It feels like it was built
without any shock absorbers,
so you really feel every bump in the road.
Really makes you
in tune with the ride, you know?
- Fun.
- Yeah.
[car rattling]
- Wish I was wearing a sports bra.
- Yeah, wish I was too.
- [door beeps]
- [music playing on PA]
No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Fuck!
What? What?
Jenna's dad is very specific
about what he drinks.
- What does he like?
- He likes Veuve Clicquot.
It's all he talks about
is fucking Veuve Clicquot.
He loves Veuve Clicquot.
There's no Veuve.
I can't see any Veuve here.
Excuse me, sir.
Do you have any Veuve in the back?
Sorry, everything we have
is on the shelves.
- You have no more Veuve?
- Is that how it's pronounced?
There's another one,
but it's like a half an hour away.
It seems dumb to leave and… We'll be fine.
That's… That's Veuve.
- That's fucking Veuve.
- Oh.
- Mon Dieu!
- [sighs]
- Look.
- Look at that.
Yeah. You got a butt load
of Veuve over here.
- [Sylvia] This is the Veuve.
- [clerk] No, no.
- You're swimming in Veuve.
- So sorry,
but that is actually reserved
for another party.
- All of this is reserved?
- Yeah.
I don't think you understand.
We're trying to save an engagement party.
We could really use your help.
Just, even half of these.
So, what you're saying is
this is a champagne problem?
- [chuckling]
- Ha ha ha. First time you use that one?
- No.
- Yeah. Didn't think so.
We're getting that fucking champagne.
Obviously.
[door beeps]
All right. Baldy's MIA.
Let's do this thing.
[Sylvia] Okay.
The name on the order is Hector Alvarez.
Perfecto.
We just need to find
the most stoned employee in this place.
- Oh, my God.
- [Will] Bingo.
- Let's fucking go, brah.
- Let's do it.
- [Sylvia] Hello, sir.
- [Will] Hello.
- We called ahead to reserve the Veuve.
- Yes. That Veuve is our Veuve.
Yes, under the name, uh, Hector Alvarez.
Come with me.
[whispers] Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
Cool. Great, thank you.
- Okay.
- [Sylvia] Hey.
The Veuve. Um, may I see some ID?
Thank you so much.
I'm so flattered
that you would ask me that.
- Okay. Keep it in your pants.
- Tap here.
- [machine beeps]
- [Sylvia] There you go.
Excuse me.
- [cashier] Do you want your receipt?
- Nah, don't worry about it.
- Sir!
- [Will] We already paid for this.
Okay. Be careful. Be careful!
- It's okay.
- [clerk] Hey!
- Oh, shit.
- [squeals]
You're lucky this location
has a "no chase" policy, buddy!
- [Sylvia] Whoo!
- Nice!
Oh, my God! That was amazing.
Like Robin Hood
but we're fighting against big-box stores.
- Fuck big-box stores!
- Yeah! Fuck 'em!
Honestly, I do love big-box stores though.
- They're very convenient.
- They got everything.
Shit, you know what? Actually,
uh, we gotta turn in here real fast.
- What?
- We're gonna stop here for one second.
- Are you hungry at all?
- No.
We gotta get back to the engagement party.
Don't worry about it.
- It'll take two seconds.
- This is your engagement party!
It has the best sandwiches in San Diego.
- One of the best you'll ever have.
- I don't want a sandwich!
One bite and you will thank me.
- It'll change your life. They're so good.
- I don't want a sandwich.
I wanna go back to the party I'm throwing…
- Just gonna be…
- …for you.
Two seconds. Two seconds.
Just chill, okay.
- I can't.
- Well, hello there, Will.
- [Will] Hey!
- How you doing on this fine Saturday?
I'm… I'm A-okay. [chuckles]
Wow. That's better than "B-okay."
[laughs] B-okay.
You sound like E.T. You guys have that?
You guys know that movie still?
- I know that movie.
- Yeah. Good. I'm glad.
E.T. prevailed. Um, so…
- I'm digging that mullet.
- Thank you. It's new.
- It's just a new thing I'm trying. Yeah.
- Yeah, it's cute.
Thank you. Um… [smacks lips]
This is my friend Sylvia.
- Hi.
- I'm Hannah.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
Uh, so, what do you, uh…
What do you recommend today?
Well, I just got this
amazing new dry salami
- from a charcuterie dude from Los Olivos.
- Ooh.
I would say hit that
with our home-churned goat butter.
- It's local AF.
- Great, yeah.
I'll… I'll have one of those.
- Do you want anything?
- I'm good. Thanks.
- It's a cute place, right?
- Yeah, it's cute.
Real cute.
- That's your fucking crush, isn't it?
- No.
- Yes, it is.
- Nope.
You turned bright red
when she complimented your mullet.
I'm not good at accepting compliments.
I don't know what to tell…
"B-okay. A-okay. You know E.T.?
Remember E.T.?"
- Okay, okay, yes.
- [scoffs]
Hannah's my crush, okay? That's my crush.
Is that why you brought me here
during a party
that I'm throwing
for your whole new family?
Yes, it is. I know.
Isn't that fucked up?
That's exactly what I did.
I'm not gonna let you blow up
your whole life
- over Miss Jersey Mike's in there.
- First of all, not a Jersey Mike's, okay?
This place has won multiple awards.
And second, you said
I could talk to you about this shit.
- You're all over the map with this stuff.
- Okay. Hey, I'm your friend.
- I'm here.
- Yes. Yes.
Are you not in love with Jenna anymore?
Is that what's happening?
No, I'm madly in love with Jenna.
It's just, you know, then I come here,
and-and I talk to Hannah,
and I'm like is-is she more my speed?
Is this more my speed?
And then I go hang out with Jenna more
and her family, and we're at golf clubs
and we're barbecuing.
And then I come back here,
and I'm like… Hannah.
She's cool. She's more my speed, maybe.
- You know what I mean?
- Okay.
- You're really asking me this?
- Yeah.
Is that why you brought me here?
Look, you know me better
than anyone in the world.
I just need some advice, okay?
- Okay, um… Okay.
- Okay.
[stammers] What is… What is…
- Hannah.
- …Hannah like? What is she like?
Well, she's more my speed.
She's very complex,
so it's hard to just define her
in one sentence, but I'll try.
Okay.
She likes sandwiches.
Anything else?
She seems much happier
in the summer months.
She said that she likes the summer.
She said,
"I'm much happier in the summertime."
- Really?
- She likes Fridays.
She said to me, "Thank God, it's Friday."
- She's religious maybe. I guess, also.
- [shouts] What are you talking about?
- I don't know anything about her.
- What is happening? You're just…
- I don't know fucking anything about her.
- You're sabotaging the whole thing.
- I know. I know. I know.
- This is what you always do.
When you have something good,
you blow it up.
- And you're doing it again. Yes.
- I do that, don't I?
- I really do. That is a thing I do.
- Yeah.
- I have a pattern of doing that.
- You gotta stop worrying
- about being cool, okay?
- Fuck. Wow.
Look, marriage is scary.
- Yeah.
- Commitment is scary.
- It's true.
- Yeah.
But I know you, and you can do this.
- Okay. Okay.
- Okay? All right?
And the thing about that girl in there
that you gotta remember
is she has a Deadpool tattoo.
- I know. She does have a Deadpool tattoo.
- It's terrible.
I keep telling myself it's from before
when the movies came out, but it's not.
It's-It's from probably around
when the second movie came out.
- She has a Deadpool tattoo. Yes.
- It's really bad.
- Thank you. See? I appreciate it.
- Okay. Are you good?
- I feel much better.
- Okay.
This is exactly what I was hoping for.
I'm good. I appreciate it, okay?
- Oh!
- Whoa. Don't kick it. It has a face.
[machine whirs]
Hitler had a face.
If he rolled by carrying a bunch
of burritos inside him, I'd kick him too.
[bottles clicking]
- [brakes squeal]
- Fuck!
- [glass shattering]
- [Sylvia] Jesus. [sighs]
- Oh, my God. [sighs]
- I'm sure it's fine.
[exhales deeply]
[Spanish accent] It's a dry
Spanish cider from Barcelona.
[Spanish accent]
Yes. Here you go. Take a sip.
Uh, hey. Everybody, hi.
It's Hank. [chuckles]
Although today I'm gonna be known as
the father of the bride.
[all cheering]
I want you all to welcome
our future son-in-law… Will.
- Hey, Will!
- Will! Will!
Now, Will is truly a wonderful fella
even though he's not a redhead.
- [guests cheering]
- Yeah.
- Oh, and here's my little princess.
- [chuckling]
I know you guys know that I-I dote on her,
but me and the fellas, we got together,
in case you don't know,
teach you a little something something
about her, okay?
- Oh. Oh.
- [guests cheering]
Okay.
- South Side La Jolla ♪
- [all cheer]
Don't be fooled by the clubs
That she swings ♪
She's still Jenna leading everything ♪
Used to hit the links, now she's CEO ♪
In the boardroom she's a real mofo ♪
Even though my parents
Really hate to fly ♪
For my Jenna they took a red eye ♪
I'm so glad that they could attend ♪
In San Diego
Where the dream never ends ♪
- Yeah!
- [guests cheering, laughing]
[chuckles] Thank you.
- [laughs]
- Thank you, Will,
- for letting my family embarrass you.
- Thank you. I love you. [chuckles]
- Guilty.
- Yeah, okay.
Uh, they have done it to me
my whole life. [laughs]
- Um, I love you so much, Will.
- I love you too.
- [guests] Aw.
- [Jenna chuckles]
One last toast.
To those who have come before.
Now please enjoy cupcakes by Tammy.
- [chuckles]
- Ooh, they're good.
You were right. The toast was that bad.
It was fucking brutal, wasn't it?
[both chuckling]
Thank you for having
the chat with me, though.
- I feel much better.
- No. It was the least I could do.
I do think you and Jenna
are a really good fit.
I appreciate it.
And, you know, it means a lot
coming from someone I trust.
- So thank you.
- Well, let me know
- when you find that person.
- [laughs]
- To J.Lo.
- To Jennifer Lopez.
And to you for doing such a good job.
- You saved the day. You're good at this.
- Thank you, buddy.
- [chuckles]
- [smacks teeth] Ooh.
[smacks teeth, Spanish accent]
Ooh. The Spaniards.
- It tastes like Sprite.
- Cider.
[laughs]
- What a party.
- Yeah. Didn't she kill it?
She did so good, right?
Aw, I'm so pleased
that you're happy, Jenna.
It was so lovely
to meet your whole family.
- [Will] Yeah. Yeah.
- Today was perfect…
despite the fact
that you two disappeared for most of it.
Just curious,
where did you two go together?
Um, we just… [stammers]
This place almost ran outta champagne.
- Yes. Yeah.
- I mean, it was…
We needed to just get more Veuve
- for the toast. Yeah.
- We just went to get more Veuve, and…
That's all.
- If you say so.
- [Sylvia stammers]
[Pete] Oh, yeah!
- Oh, no.
- [Pete] Oh, yeah!
- Oh, God.
- Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
- Well… guess he found my tab.
- [Pete] Yeah!
- [Jenna] Uncle Pete! Uncle Pete!
- [guest] You guys, stop him.
- I should probably go help out with that.
- Yes, I-I should probably not come.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you should not. Okay.
- [sighs]
- Thank you again.
Pete!
[Jenna] Uncle Pete!
["Boiled Peanuts" playing]