The Bad Guys: Breaking In (2025) s02e01 Episode Script

1
[heist music playing]
Okay, this is it. The Form.
An expressionistic, postmodern statue
auctioned for over a hundred mil.
Haven't we stolen enough statues?
What? They're classy.
Think the Crimson Paw
looks at the statues in his pad and goes,
"I think there's one too many"?
[Wolf] Now, you'll disguise yourself
and distract the guard.
[heist music playing]
[mouse clicking]
[gasps]
I'm an art critic,
here to review, plot twist, your toilets.
I have heard they are very avant-garde.
Take me, now!
[Webs grunts]
[Wolf] Webs, you'll hack
the security system, obviously.
Leaving me and Snake
to attach the portable pulley system.
[pulley rumbling]
We'll rendezvous with Piranha
in the getaway car
and hightail our way home.
I've only gone and done it again
and planned the perfect heist.
[groans]
Feels like we're forgetting something.
Uh, Piranha, the plan's airtight.
The t's are crossed. The i's are dotted.
Hmm, pretty sure we are, though!
Why are you so cagey?
You hangry, bro?
Eat some of
that weird canned fish you like.
Surströmming?
I only eat that
on super-special occasions.
You know, like my bir
Okay, it's heist time.
When we wake up tomorrow, we're gonna have
a nice new statue to admire.
[Piranha yells]
[slurring] Wh…
What's going on?
- [high-pitched whining]
- Huh? [groans]
[flies buzzing]
[groans] Something stinks in here!
[Wolf sniffs, retches]
[Webs grunts]
Am I dressed like a clown?
I hate clowns!
Their shoes are too big,
and their cars are too small.
Well, this is… weird.
Anybody. Hey. You got a long pole,
something to get me down?
- [Wolf sniffs, retches]
- [Webs grunts]
What happened yesterday?
[gasps] I can't remember anything.
[screams]
[screams]
[heist music playing]
[engine revving]
[hisses]
[tires screeching]
Somehow, we've all lost our memory.
[Wolf sniffs]
- Webs stinks to high heavens.
- Allegedly.
We don't know it's me.
- I mean, the flies.
- [Webs grunts]
We don't know!
Not sure how it's possible,
but Snake's floating.
Shark's dressed
as his greatest fear, a clow
Don't say it!
Speaking the forbidden word
could summon others.
And that leaves Piranha.
Wait. Where is Piranha?
Haven't seen him, but he's probably
the one stinking up the place.
Fin Bro! You here?
There he is. Little twerp.
You mean that pillow?
Oh, that's him, all right.
No. That's a couch pillow.
Uh, why do I feel an overwhelming sense
of Piranha-related dread and guilt?
I'll log in
and check yesterday's security footage.
And before you ask, yes,
I obviously record everything
at the new lair,
just like I did at the old one.
[keyboard clacking]
Including bedrooms and bathrooms.
Still creepy,
but convenient in a memory-wipe,
missing-Piranha situation.
- [sniffs]
- Um…
I can't remember my password.
Did you try "Handsome-Shark-2000"?
"Snake's-Password-This-Is-A-Good-Password
Good-Job-Snake"?
Dang it! I'm too good!
I designed an un-hackable firewall.
I'm locked out of my own computer!
Anybody tells anyone, I end you.
- [screaming]
- [Webs] Cyborg rat!
[vacuum whirring]
[whimpers]
- Get it away from me!
- [Snake] Yeah, I'm out.
[whimpers]
Help! Help!
[vacuuming stops]
Handy.
Now, let's just add "evil robot" to
the list of "what the heck is going on?"
Where is Piranha?
[phone vibrating]
Oh, it's him. Piranha!
[Piranha] Help! Get me out of here!
What were you thinking when you…
Fin Bro!
[dial tone]
Piranha, where are you? Piranha?
[line ringing]
He's not picking up.
[tummy rumbling]
[Shark groans]
All this stress
is giving me a tum-tum ache.
He's in terrible danger
and we're responsible. I just know it.
No way! The Bad Guys
always have each other's backs.
We'd never put Piranha in danger.
I mean, yeah,
we did accidentally leave him hanging
over scalding-hot lava
during that volcano job.
That time we changed plans mid-heist
without telling him,
and he waited in the getaway car…
for three days.
Also, Snake mistook him for a pillow,
like, five minutes ago.
And honestly, so did I.
- [in unison] Are we bad friends?
- Of course not.
We're great friends. You know why?
Because we're gonna find him.
But if we don't, how about I get his room?
[Shark sighs]
This plan, it's perfect.
Streamlined. Airtight.
And look at the penmanship.
[chuckling] Kudos to me.
Right.
So, we clearly went to pull this heist,
something went wrong,
causing us to lose our memory and Piranha.
To find out what happened,
we need to retrace our steps.
I know we're really concerned for Piranha,
but nobody's curious
to figure out why I'm all floaty?
I mean, I'm floating.
Are you sure you just don't need to…
What?
…make wind?
Blow your butt trumpet?
Squeak between your cheeks?
I'm positive.
[fingers clicking]
Team, focus!
We need to act fast. Piranha needs us.
[vacuuming]
[screaming]
- No, not again!
- Die, foul beast!
No sign of the car,
but he was here, all right.
These are his skid marks.
[licking] Yep, definitely Piranha's.
Did you just taste the skid mark?
I had to be sure.
So, he left in a hurry.
There's more down the street.
That twerp leaves them everywhere.
Like breadcrumbs.
Maybe they lead right to him.
Shark, Snake, follow those tire marks.
Webs, you and me investigate
inside the museum
to figure out what happened.
[heist music playing]
[keyboard clacking]
[yawns]
Break time. Good thing too.
I gotta squeak between my cheeks.
[Wolf grunts]
I'll stand watch.
We only have minutes to hack
[Webs] I'm in.
[sighs] There's nothing unusual.
I must have added a camera loop
during the heist yesterday.
There's got to be a clue to Piranha's
whereabouts somewhere in the museum.
Looks like we need to take a closer look.
No police tape,
no added security, no general panic.
It's like we were never here.
I don't think we were. Yoo-hoo.
We didn't get the loot.
We always get the loot.
This makes no sense.
- [man] Hey!
- [Webs gasps]
What are you two mustachios doing in here?
I said, "What are you doing here?"
- Um…
- Uh…
Because you're free to enjoy the arts!
A warm welcome to you both.
We've been all over.
This is a wild-fish chase.
Which is the name
of one of my one-man plays.
Critics called it, "An insult to theater."
Keep a tight grip on me
out in the open like this.
Snakes like being low to the ground,
you know?
I might be dressed like a clown,
but I'm still a shark.
I'm not gonna get overpowered
by a gust of…
[Snake] Whoa!
[screams]
Whoa!
Oops.
[flies buzzing]
If you have questions, just let me know.
Can I ask, do I look familiar? But not me.
I mean,
did you notice an equally handsome,
but much badder, version of me
in the museum yesterday?
Perhaps with a clown?
[sniffs, retches]
Ignore the flies.
Huh. You know what?
I-I can't really remember anything
about yesterday.
It's like a fog's suddenly come over me.
Hey. The security office stinks
for some reason.
I think someone's been in there.
[sniffs]
- [Wolf gasps, chuckles]
- [guard 1] Wait a minute.
Hey, you're that crew that stole Sad Boy!
It is truly an honor to be recognized.
Get 'em!
[panting]
How did you let some wind outmuscle you?
What do you even bench, man?
I bench plenty!
I'm just all out of sorts
being dressed like this.
Then take off that dang outfit.
And touch clown gear?
Gross!
[groans]
[wind gusting]
Whoa!
[whimpers]
Hey, keep an eye out for Piranha
while you're up there.
Okay. Just stay calm. Stay calm.
You're a flying snake.
The first flying snake.
A pioneer for your kind.
I don't like this.
- Huh?
- Hey there.
What, uh… What's going on here?
You eat a bunch of helium balloons
or something?
- No. Why would I do that?
- Eh.
Bozos will do all sorts of wacko stuff
to experience the pure bliss of flight.
Whoa! Hey!
[jabbers]
We can't all be as lucky as you.
[chuckles]
I've learned… I've learned my lesson.
Hey, Ricki,
you mind taking me
back to my pal down there, hmm?
After everything you and your crew
have pulled on The Night Owls?
Talon me all you want. I don't care!
- Watch out for that electrical tower.
- Huh?
[gasps]
[Snake jabbers]
[electricity crackling]
[grunts]
- [grunting]
- [guard 1] Got it!
[grunts] Oh!
[guard 1 panting]
[guards grunting]
Careful! That's a hundred years old.
[grunts]
No! [grunts]
[panting] Not so fast. You're surrounded.
- [gasps]
- Ain't getting away this time.
[electricity crackling]
[Snake jabbers]
- Hey!
- Oh, come on!
That was lucky.
[phone vibrating]
Shark texted.
They found the car. Let's go.
[electricity crackling]
[Snake jabbers]
Ooh. Oh, what?
Yeah, yeah. I'm electric now.
I'm just glad to be back on the ground.
Spotted the car on the way down.
Weird way to park.
Why would he hide the car?
And why did he leave the museum in such
a hurry if we didn't steal the statue?
[line ringing]
Come on. Pick up, Piranha.
[tummy rumbling]
[groans] There it is again.
The pangs of guilt.
We're not guilty of anything, probably.
Let's keep searching.
He's got to be somewhere nearby.
[Shark gasps]
[banging]
Piranha, that you?
[banging]
Rad-a-tow!
[screaming]
Whoa. You guys spooked me there for a sec.
C-c-c…
Clown!
[Skulli groans]
Uh, did we just kill Skulli?
Not sure The Gruff Goats would take kindly
to a rival crew taking down their boss.
Oh! When will the clown carnage end?
[Wolf] He's not dead.
We just scared him so bad, he fainted.
I always thought
fainting goats were a myth,
like white pizzas or chiropractors,
but I guess not.
Those are both real.
Are they, though?
[electricity crackling]
[jabbers] Ouch.
Why would Skulli be in the trunk?
Nothing makes sense!
It feels like
we're some sort of amateur outfit again.
Or worse, bad friends.
We're not bad friends.
We just don't know where Piranha is,
why he was so mad at us on the phone,
or if he is or isn't
a couch pillow sometimes.
So, come on.
Let's level up and figure this out.
Ideas. Hit me.
I mean, if Skulli's here with us,
maybe Piranha's with The Gruff Goats.
Doesn't explain
how everything went sideways
or who in their right mind
would use alfredo sauce on a tasty 'za,
but that's my theory. [jabbers]
That actually makes sense.
We tell The Gruff Goats
we have something of theirs
and see if they're willing
to exchange Piranha.
[flies buzzing]
Seriously?
Anybody got The Gruff Goats' number?
We brought your goods. You have ours?
No.
Yes!
[laughs]
I just roasted that guy so hard!
[in unison] Roasted and toasted!
- Oh, yeah.
- Humbled him. Yeah!
Seems kind of harsh
to put Piranha in a bag.
But I guess that's what makes
a Gruff Goat a Gruff Goat.
Is he okay in there? We said no harm done.
Of course. You ever tried
carrying one of these by hand?
Now, are we doing this or not?
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You brought Skulli? Uh…
We thought you were gonna bring the horn
you copped from him, not Skulli himself.
You don't want him?
We sort of kicked Skulli out of the crew
after he kept dating all our sisters.
Plus, he lost all credibility
when you took his horn.
Deal's off, bro.
We're gonna take this little fella
and knock the sweets out of him for fun.
Sweet!
- I call first swing!
- [chuckles] Ragin'!
[engines revving]
We're going after them!
[tires squealing]
[tires squealing]
We got company, broskis!
[Gruff Goat grunts, wails]
[clattering]
We're coming, Piranha. Hang on.
[engines revving]
[grunting]
I can't outmuscle this guy. Hey, man.
What do you bench?
Send me your workout routine?
Enough clowning around. I got this.
I do not appreciate the wordplay.
What are you…
[electricity crackling]
[brakes screeching]
[engines revving]
[sighing]
- [gasps]
- [screaming]
[shrieks]
[groans]
Not my Fin Bro! No!
Oh, man! The piñata's ruined.
Lameski!
It's pronounced Piranha.
- Huh?
- Huh?
Wait. You brought a piñata? Why?
That's what you said you wanted.
You were all, "We have something you want,
and we want a piñata in exchange."
Yep. You said that.
I didn't say piñata! I said "Piranha!"
Our friend,
who clearly got mixed up with you guys,
which is why we found Skulli in our trunk?
No idea about your Piranha friend,
if you can call him that.
Sort of feels like
real friends would know where you are.
- Am I right?
- Yeah!
And like I said,
we kicked out the Skullster weeks ago.
I… I can't believe this.
Mind if we take him back
and knock the sweets out of him,
since you ruined our 'ñata?
Oh, and sorry for roasting you earlier.
That was too far.
Peace!
[elevator bell dings]
I hate saying this,
but maybe we are bad friends.
Ain't no shame in that.
Okay. Some shame.
I can't deny it any longer.
My stink is driving me nuts!
[flies buzzing]
I'm gonna take a shower… or 12.
All day in this clown prison,
and I lose my one and only Fin Bro?
I think I'm gonna be sick. [retches]
[vomit splattering]
[gasps] Huh?
I don't remember eating a phone.
That's not any phone.
That's Piranha's phone!
He called us earlier.
That means
if his phone's inside you, then…
- Puke, man!
- [Webs] Hurl!
[Shark retches]
[vomit splattering]
What? He was inside me the whole time?
[panting]
That was almost a one-way ticket!
Why did you swallow me?
What took you so long to get me out?
I know it sounds crazy,
but none of us can remember yesterday.
We woke up. You were missing.
And flies have been circling me all day!
But we're not sure why.
So, you don't remember
showing up for the statue heist?
You all went in, then, 20 minutes later,
called me back to the lair,
which made no sense.
So, I came back, and the second
I walked in here, Shark ate me!
Why would I do that?
Exactly, bro! Worst birthday ever!
Birthday?
I can't believe you forgot again!
The plan, it's too perfect.
The penmanship, too artful.
Um…
[both gasp]
"Happy Birthday"?
[gasps] That's my tagging.
[vacuum whirring]
[Webs whimpers]
Help!
I am not losing another friend today.
[Webs groans]
Phew! Hey. Am I clean? It cleaned me?
- [sniffing]
- Oh!
- That's nice.
- [laughing] That's so much better!
Wait a second. I'm starting to remember.
Me too.
[in unison] Same.
It all started last year,
when we totally forgot Piranha's birthday.
And he did not take it well.
[yells]
[clattering]
Try forgetting this!
[yelling continues]
[vase shattering]
[Webs] We swore
not to forget again next year.
But yesterday, on his birthday…
[clattering]
We totally forgot
Piranha's birthday again!
We're bad friends!
- What are we gonna do?
- He's gonna wake up any minute!
[Wolf] We decided to throw
a whirlwind surprise party.
And to do that,
we needed Piranha out of the lair,
so I concocted
a quick heist plan to cover.
[groans] Feels like
we're forgetting something.
[Wolf] With Piranha occupied
in the car at the museum,
we could do our birthday errands.
[Shark] We all know
that Piranha adores clowns,
so I swallowed my fear
and bought a clown costume
so his birthday would feel extra special.
[Snake] And I stole
a bunch of helium party balloons
after swallowing the balloons.
But then…
[Wolf] For a special gift,
I rush-ordered a state-of-the-art
cleaning vacuum on the black market.
The guy promised it wasn't faulty at all.
Sort of said that unprompted.
Red flag in hindsight.
[whirring]
[gasps]
[grunts]
[grunts]
[wails]
[grunts]
Gotcha!
[vacuuming stops]
[sighs]
[marker squeaking]
[Wolf] With the party all in place,
we needed to get Piranha back to the lair.
And I knew just how to do that.
[line ringing]
Piranha! Get to the lair
or we're all gonna die!
[Webs] With Piranha on the way,
I prepared his favorite delicacy.
- Surströmming. That canned-fish stuff.
- [sniffs, retches]
[panting] What's the matter?
[Shark] But then
Piranha burst in before we were ready.
I panicked, and swallowed him
so he wouldn't see.
It was supposed to be a temporary thing.
It wasn't temporary at all!
The last thing I remember is
Webs opening the can of weird fish.
Yeah. Why did we lose our memories?
[vacuum whirring]
That's 'cause
Surströmming is notoriously stinky.
And this brand is so powerful,
it's dangerous to eat indoors. See?
Comes with a warning label.
"Only eat in well-ventilated spaces,
or memory loss will occur."
You see what this all means, right?
It means we're not bad friends!
I mean, you did almost let me rot
inside Shark's large intestine.
But you did remember my birthday,
and ultimately,
did not let me rot inside Shark.
I'm willing to go with, hmm…
"really good friends"?
I'll take it.
Thanks, buddy. High five.
Wait a minute.
I feel like there's still one thing
we can't explain.
[yawns]
Yep! I'm all tuckered out.
[grunts]
Gonna hit the sack.
Thanks for the b-day goodies, y'all.
Why was Skulli in the trunk?
[chuckles nervously]
After I got the call from Wolf,
I was so worried,
I may have driven a little hastily.
[tires squealing]
[horn blares]
I'm off to save my stupid friends ♪
It's up to me again ♪
Even though
They never remember my birthday ♪
[screams]
[screaming continues]
[Piranha grunts]
[Piranha] I was freaked, so I hid the car!
I didn't know what to do!
[whistling cheery melody]
Singing and driving again, weren't you?
You got something to say? Come at me, bro!
So, I guess that's it. Mystery solved.
The Bad Guys
might be the best at doing crime,
but we could up our game
in the birthday department.
Not too late to have the party.
Guess who has eight legs
and bought an extra can of Surströmming!
Wait!
[can opening]
[snoring]
[elevator doors opening]
[bell dings]
[sinister music playing]