Wednesday (2022) s02e01 Episode Script

1
[Wednesday] It's been an eventful summer.
Raindrops on roses ♪
[dark cover of "My
Favorite Things" plays]
And whiskers on kittens ♪
[Wednesday] I'm tied up
in a serial killer's basement.
Who said nightmares don't come true?
Bright copper kettles ♪
And warm woolen mittens ♪
[Wednesday] He's under the delusion
that I'm his next victim.
Brown paper packages
Tied up with strings ♪
I'll let him cherish that notion
while I explain my predicament.
These are a few of my favorite things ♪
[Wednesday] I spent my vacation
mastering my psychic ability.
All the answers
were in Goody's book of spells.
[whispering softly]
With my ability now under control,
I set my sights on an obsession I've had
since I was six years old.
[school bell rings]
[young Wednesday]
Before dying, victim number 11
described the suspect.
[Wednesday] The Kansas City Scalper,
America's most elusive serial killer.
blood everywhere.
To psychically locate him,
all I needed was an object
from one of his crime scenes.
[mischievous music playing]
[Wednesday] The Scalper's 11th victim
dropped her prized bowling ball
when she was snatched.
[distorted audio whooshes]
[animals yipping, yowling]
[Wednesday] With the Scalper
finally in my crosshairs,
I had one final harrowing
obstacle to overcome.
[PA system chimes]
[announcer] Welcome to Newark Airport.
Random screening searches
are a requirement at this airport.
American Airlines flight AA8272 to
Kansas City is now boarding at gate 43.
[alarm blaring]
Anything else on your person?
I need a wand on this one.
Arms.
[wand beeping rapidly]
[sighs huffily]
[announcer] Attention all passengers
Which part of "prohibited items"
don't you understand, young lady?
The part where you believe
cramming hundreds of people
into a metal tube flying through the air
creates some sort of utopia
where weapons aren't needed.
Can we get a bag check?
Yeah.
I'm headed to the Junior Embalmers
Convention in Kansas City.
It's a prosthetic hand.
Yeah, that's not the problem.
You care to explain this?
Curious.
[tersely] I have no idea
how that ended up there.
This is over 3.4 ounces,
which means it's a big no-no.
I'd appreciate it
if you didn't waste our time.
Sun cream? Seriously?
[dog barks]
[idly whistling]
Are your serial killer services
listed online too?
[foreboding music builds]
[distorted audio whooshes]
[breathing heavily]
[eerie music playing]
I made you a gift.
[gasps]
[chuckles]
It's how I remember all my
special guests.
Let me show you some of my own handiwork.
[doll creaking]
[muffled yelling]
[Scalper yelling, struggling]
- [flesh crunches]
- [screaming]
[groans, grunts]
- [blows landing]
- [Scalper grunting]
[silencing blow lands]
What?
It's nothing. Just a
minor psychic glitch.
You're not to breathe a word
of this to anyone, you understand?
Especially my mother.
Now.
[wheezing]
Let's play dolls.
[screaming]
[jauntily macabre music playing]
[music trails off]
["Un Mundo Raro"
by Chavela Vargas playing]
[intricate, vibrant music continues]
[Vargas singing soulfully in Spanish]
I'm not finding anything
related to black tears.
[Thing tapping]
Like I said, it's just a glitch.
[Morticia]
Darling, Lurch has packed the car.
We must be off.
You don't want to be late
for the first day of school.
I was hoping to spend
more time with you this summer.
I feel like I've barely seen you.
Writers should refill their creative cups
before they begin again.
So I indulged in my favorite passions,
torment and humiliation.
- When do I get to read your novel?
- [dramatic sting]
[Wednesday] When the sun explodes
and the earth is consumed
in a molten apocalypse.
Soon, Mother. Soon.
Chop-chop.
Remember where your loyalty lies.
[Chavela Vargas continues
singing in Spanish]
[quirky, elegant music playing]
[Gomez] That's my boy.
You and your Uncle Fester
with the same ability.
You're a chip off
the old executioner's block.
Stick your finger in enough sockets,
you learn a thing or two.
It's so weird that it skipped you, Dad.
Being an Outcast isn't about
what you can do.
It's a state of mind.
You need to work on your aim.
Pugsley has always
struggled with his aim.
From potty training
to his first grenade launcher.
[Gomez chuckles]
Lurch can attest to that.
Can't you, old chap?
[projectile whistling]
[Lurch grouses]
I'm just glad to see you
taking an interest in your brother.
I'm keeping a mental list
of how his ability can serve my needs.
That's the spirit, my little bombita.
There is no "we" in family.
Only an "i."
[Wednesday] There's a stop sign.
Hit the O, dead center.
I'm not sure I can.
If you don't, I'll be
forced to hit eject.
[scoffs] Only Dad's button can do that.
I had Thing rewire it.
[grunts]
[parents chuckling]
- [horn honks]
- [brakes screech]
[screams]
[parents continue chuckling]
[muffled pop music playing]
["Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer
playing on radio]
Down by the broken treehouse ♪
Swing me upon its hanging tire ♪
Bring Bring Bring
your flowered hat ♪
[shutter snapping]
[woman] Oh, come here!
[excited giggling]
[crow caws]
[eerie music playing]
[caws]
[caws]
[crow caws]
[caws menacingly]
[murder of crows caw persistently]
They're onto me.
If I don't make it,
the evidence is safe at the bullpen.
[cawing]
[screaming]
[ominous music intensifying]
[gloomy, imposing music playing]
[imposing music swells]
[Morticia] Mmm.
Wait.
This is the first time you've ever
willingly returned to a school.
- How does it feel?
- Like returning to the scene of the crime.
I already know
where the bodies are buried.
No more uncontrolled chaos.
I will bend this place to my will.
Be careful, dear.
Control is often an illusion.
Like I let your father believe
he's in charge of this family.
Do you think
I'll actually make a friend here?
[Gomez] You'll make lots of friends.
These are our people.
Poor Pugsley.
Your father and I
will get him settled in.
Promise me
you will take care of your brother.
I always do.
[crying]
[cheekily grim music playing]
[music halts]
Here are the ground rules.
No eye contact without permission.
Bullying assistance requests
must be submitted through writing.
And Thing reports to me.
Understand?
[Gomez chuckling]
[Gomez] Ooh!
Creamies!
[student 1] Wednesday!
- There she is!
- Right there, in black!
Can I get your autograph?
I only sign my name in blood.
I would expect nothing less.
I never said it was my own blood.
[excited titter]
You are done here.
Shoo.
That was disturbing.
You better get used to it.
You're a big deal after the whole saving
the school from the demon pilgrim thing.
Why does anyone still care?
You're not much of a clout chaser,
are you?
Popularity doesn't play
by the laws of physics.
The harder you repel it,
the harder it comes for you.
[man] Wednesday Addams!
[excitedly] Oh, oh, oh, oh!
It is an honor to meet
the savior of Nevermore.
Allow me to introduce myself.
Barry Dort, your new principal.
Um
Would you like a sticker?
Only if you have one
that says "do not resuscitate."
[chortling]
There's that wicked tongue
I've heard about.
I love it.
I am reinstating
the Founder's Pyre ceremony.
It's an old Outcast tradition.
Big bonfire. Tomorrow night.
And the best part is,
I want you to be our student of honor.
I'd rather be burned at the stake.
Aw! Please consider it.
I want us to be allies in this struggle.
What struggle?
Returning Nevermore to its glory days.
I hate to speak ill of the dead,
but in this case, Weems really fudged up.
I don't like
to speak ill of the dead either.
It's much more fun
to demonize the living.
- [eccentric music playing]
- [shocked laughter]
[student] Yes!
[muffled clattering, clamoring]
We need to set better traps out here.
["Um Oh Ah Yeh" by Mamamoo playing]
[students clamoring playfully]
[peppy pop music playing]
- Howdy, roomie.
- Enid.
All right! Everyone out.
Thanks for the help.
[chatter and music subside]
- [student 1] Come on.
- [student 2] Told ya!
Don't put too much pressure on it.
No pressure. Right. Got it.
Catch up with you later
at the lupin cages?
- With the others.
- Absolutely, Bruno.
Can't wait.
[exhales]
How was your vacay?
Because I had the best summer ever,
and I've been dying
to tell you all about it.
I'm sure I'll want to kill you
after you tell me, so
we both win.
Well, I'll spare you the details, but
I did get you a gift
at Lupinpalooza in Golden Gate Park.
Don't worry. It's not a snood.
Get it? Like Beowulf?
I thought you'd love
the literary reference.
Nothing like a bad pun to throw dirt
on the coffin of epic poetry.
I got you a gift as well.
From my summer travels.
[somber music playing]
[Enid, shakily] Uh Oh.
Thank you.
I mean, it is a little creepy,
but, um, the curls are super soft.
It's made from real human hair.
Hmm.
I just have so many goals this year.
[sighs] I wanna secure
my place in the pack,
become dance troupe captain,
and finally join the Nightshades.
What about you?
Avoid people and work on
my new Viper de la Muerte novel.
Doesn't sound like
much of a personal evolution.
I don't evolve. I cocoon.
Speaking of your novel,
was that publisher interested?
I call it death by a thousand notes.
Ooh
This one here just looks like a typo.
It's not. That's the Old English spelling
for dismemberment.
This novel was two years of my life.
They'll have to pry it out of my cold,
dead hands before I change a single word.
[knocking at door]
That better not be
any more brattish autograph hounds.
Tell me about it.
We seriously need to set some boundaries.
Let's post hours to sign stuff
in the student lounge.
Hi, Wednesday. How was your summer?
I scalped a serial killer.
Huh.
Is, uh Is Enid around?
She left earlier with the pack.
I threatened to neuter them
if they didn't get out.
Well, would you mind giving her this?
[sighs] Thanks for covering.
I know the only thing you hate
more than color is relationship drama.
Machiavelli once said that friendship is
watching a person's slow drip of miseries
and feeling honored to be present
for their most dismal moments.
Does that mean
In 25 words or less. Go.
I'm not sure
how I feel about Ajax anymore.
He's sweet and cute,
but he's still in love with the old me,
and I've changed.
Hey, look at that. Exactly 25 words.
Talk to him and get it over with.
If I do that, then it'll be
like an arrow through his
[Enid yelps]
Holy crap!
[suspenseful music playing]
"Welcome back, Wednesday.
I'm still watching."
- Wait. You have a stalker?
- Don't be jealous.
[distorted audio whooshes]
I didn't see the stalker.
You've got a little something.
It's nothing.
[gasping]
Caliban Hall.
My old stomping ground.
[laughing]
Hi, Pugsley. I'm
Ah!
Electricity. Cool.
And you must be Janet.
Wednesday told us all about you.
[Gomez] Caliban. I put that up.
Sue and I weren't sure we wanted
Eugene to come back to Nevermore.
But he insisted.
I did help save the school.
[gasps] I remember that day.
What was it like getting
gutted by a Hyde?
I still wake up screaming sometimes.
Whoa.
That's awesome!
[Janet] Why don't we give the boys
some space?
Lurch will be up with your things.
And we'll see you downstairs.
Remember, boys,
the friends you make here
will be your brothers for life.
You'll kill for each other,
and provide alibis.
- [Eugene chuckles weakly]
- Hmm.
[overwhelmed exhale]
What's with the bugs?
[Eugene] At first,
I could only control bees,
but lately I've been able
to control other insects too.
Watch this.
They're so juicy.
Perfect for late-night munchies.
They're pets, not snacks.
Maybe after we unpack, we could hang out?
Actually, I'm meeting up
with some other guys.
I could tag along.
They're kind of new-ish friends.
I don't mind.
It's not like I have any old ones.
I owe your sister a lot, which is
why I agreed to be your roommate.
Let's just see
how this pans out first, okay?
Yeah. Sure.
[knocking at door]
Yo, bee boy!
- Oh, you've grown.
- Ajax. What are you doing here?
I'm your new resident advisor.
- If you have any questions
- Can you stone me with your snakes?
That's not gonna happen.
Are you and Enid still together?
Or she finally come to her senses?
Do you two have
any dorm-related questions?
Okay. Well, welcome to Caliban.
It's going to be a great year.
[student 1] That's her.
- [squeals] I can't believe it.
- [student 2] My God.
I liked it better
when I was feared and hated.
Principal Dort, have you met
our little angel of death?
Yep. I'm sure Wednesday would enjoy
having you around more this year.
What do you mean, around more?
Principal Dort just asked me to chair
the Gala Fundraising Committee.
[Dort] Vincent Thorpe chaired
the last three years,
but after Xavier was
falsely accused of murder,
he pulled his son
and his endowment from Nevermore.
Xavier's not coming back this year?
He's heading to Reichenbach Academy
in Switzerland.
I spent the summer there
as an exchange student.
I remember, darling.
It was the longest summer of my life.
[Gomez] Oh
I realize I've ambushed you.
No, I usually enjoy a good ambush.
Especially when it involves daggers.
[Morticia snickers, coos]
Why don't you think about it overnight?
Tish and I will discuss it
on the ride home.
Actually, I I was hoping
to keep you a little closer.
I thought the gardener's cottage
was reserved for faculty.
Marilyn Thornhill lived here last year,
but thanks to Wednesday,
she is now enjoying
much tighter quarters,
in prison.
Not pine box tight, but a girl can dream.
It's yours for the night.
And if you decide
to become our gala chair,
consider this your home away from home.
I'll wait outside.
[Morticia gasps]
Who decorated this place?
A homicidal maniac.
Now, you shouldn't cast aspersions, dear.
Not all homicidal maniacs
have such ghastly taste.
Nothing your putrefying touch
couldn't fix, cara bella.
Hey, Dad, I found
some old mousetraps under the sink.
- You want a snack?
- Yeah.
Why would you want
to be in charge of a gala?
Well, I wasn't expecting
things to change so quickly.
Pugsley shot up
like poison oak this summer,
and now that you're both at Nevermore,
I have been wondering
what my next chapter might be.
The thought of you and Father
in the house alone unsupervised
fills me with a sense of dread
I usually reserve for costumed mascots.
But I won't consider this
if it makes you uncomfortable.
I was born uncomfortable, Mother.
I know it's been hard with Goody gone,
and no one from our bloodline
reaching out to be your new spirit guide.
But if I was here,
I could be of assistance.
Temporarily, of course,
until a new guide presents themselves.
You're a Dove, I'm a Raven.
We're on different paths.
You said so yourself.
I've had experience with Ravens.
Are you talking about your sister?
You've never been very forthcoming
about Aunt Ophelia.
You remind me a lot of her.
Especially as you've gotten older.
You don't need to worry about me, Mother.
You should be focused on Pugsley.
We both know being tall and male
will only get him so far.
Besides, he's got
the brains of a dung beetle
and the ambition of a French bureaucrat.
- [door squeaks open]
- What is it, querida?
[door closes]
Wednesday is hiding things from me.
I will not let history repeat itself.
[somber, thoughtful music playing]
I can handle my mother.
I'm not asking for her help
because I don't need it.
I don't need yours either.
Keep your nosy fingers
out of my business.
[siren wailing in distance]
[siren halts]
[chilling music playing]
[officer] The victim's Carl Bradbury,
local private investigator.
Real sleaze.
Witnesses are Greg Mulligan
and Debbie Prizeman.
Greg's the manager of the Piggly Wiggly
and Debbie's one of his cashiers.
So Bradbury was out here catching
our supermarket sweethearts in a tryst,
when he got attacked
by a squad of kamikaze crows.
[officer] This is a first,
even for Jericho.
[Santiago] Get the body to the morgue
before he gets ripe.
Wednesday, can I help you?
Just admiring the view.
Sheriff Santiago.
I promise to be
better than my predecessor.
That's an exceptionally low bar.
[scoffs]
[car doors slamming]
[engine turning over]
[tires skidding]
[tense, frantic music playing]
[grunts, groans]
Ow
Galpin? What are you doing here?
The victim was a friend of mine.
Carl Bradbury.
We were working a case together,
and that's what got him killed.
I play cello, not violin.
Bradbury stumbled onto something.
Said it could affect Outcasts.
- We're starting to scratch the surface.
- You care about Outcasts now?
My son is an Outcast.
Yeah, I know what he's done, but
Ms. Thornhill,
she turned him into a monster.
Tyler was always a monster.
She just unlocked that in him.
People don't change. Look at you.
You're still a broken, deluded man
who can't hide behind
his tin badge anymore.
Badge never stopped you, did it?
I could use your help
getting to the bottom of this.
You didn't just wind up
at that crime scene by accident, Addams.
You were drawn to it
like a moth to a flame.
It's a shame your psychological insight
couldn't help you save your own son.
[tense music warbling]
If you change your
mind, you come find me.
[crow caws overhead]
Just remember
the birds are always watching.
[caws menacingly]
Tonight, you're gonna hear
the tale of the Skull Tree.
It's Caliban Hall tradition to tell
this story on the first night of school.
[thunder crashes]
[Ajax] There once was a brilliant boy
with a fragile heart.
He spent his days in bed,
drawing all the incredible machines
he planned to build someday.
[delicate, mournful music playing]
Now the doctors,
they only gave him months to live.
So he decided to design his own heart.
So that his body
could keep up with his dazzling mind.
[beating steadily]
[beating halts]
The operation was successful.
But the clockwork heart
had changed the boy.
He became cold,
and driven by ambition.
When he arrived at Nevermore,
he was hailed as the greatest mind
to ever walk the halls.
[electricity crackles]
But his inventions became more dangerous.
Until one night
his genius cost him his life.
Now, legend has it,
his body is buried
at the foot of the Skull Tree
in an unmarked grave.
But if you put your ear
to the skull's hollow left eye
[tick echoing]
you can still hear
his clockwork heart.
Tick,
tick,
tick.
Only the bravest in Caliban Hall
have ventured out at night
to take the dare to listen
to the tick of the clockwork heart.
So will you?
[music fades out]
[door opens]
[door closes]
Miss Barclay, thanks for making the time.
What a wonderful first day it's been,
hasn't it?
Oh, it's so nice to see this place
brimming with Outcast energy.
Our most famous alumni would be proud.
I've been watching you.
How you interacted with your peers.
You know, charisma is something that
Well, it can't be learned. It's a gift.
And you positively ooze it.
I'm guessing you have some
political aspirations in your future?
I like the idea of creating
real change for Outcasts.
Well, what if I told you
that you can start
creating that change today?
As the fundraising
gala's student liaison.
We really need to heat things up
if we're going to hit our target.
And you have the sizzle factor
I've been looking for.
Uh
Wow. I'm honored.
But I'm not sure I have time
to take on something like that.
I'm really sorry.
Me too.
I mean, you are
a scholarship student, right?
The school is in a financial pickle,
and if we don't meet
our fundraising goals,
I may be forced to let
some of the scholarship students go.
I know how people feel about sirens.
But I don't share that view.
No Outcast should be limited or shamed.
Is that why you're asking me?
Because I'm a siren?
Using your powers of persuasion
for a good cause should be applauded.
I'm sure you agree.
We all want what's best for Nevermore.
So why don't you take another look
at that schedule of yours,
and see if you can squeeze this in?
You can give me your decision tomorrow.
Thing!
What are you doing out here?
Wednesday yelled at you?
[sighs] Man, the sudden popularity
is really getting to her.
I think some people
just aren't built for fame.
And when you're stressed,
relatives can be
the easiest punching bags.
Or in your case, sparring glove.
I know how it feels
to think you don't belong.
But you do.
You know what you need?
A place you can call your own.
And I've got the perfect spot.
[imposing organ music playing]
Home sweet home, Thing.
Welcome to the pack.
[all howling]
[Enid chuckles]
[eccentric, elegant music playing]
[performing "Montagues and Capulets"
from Prokofiev's "Romeo and Juliet"]
[music halts abruptly]
[woman] Prokofiev can do that to you.
Miss Capri, the new head of music.
Is this the same Isadora Capri
who completed her first classical album
Wolf Howl at the age of ten?
I didn't realize I had any fans left.
I've always been fascinated
by child prodigies.
The focus, the talent,
the unrelenting quest for excellence.
Luckily, I was able to break free
before it suffocated me.
I thought teaching
was the purview for those who can't.
Well, I was inspired
by a group of young people
who saved their school
in the face of overwhelming odds.
I decided it was time
to give back to my own community.
We have our work cut out for us.
- My hand's a little stiff.
- No, your hand wasn't the problem.
Your pain was the only thing
that made your performance interesting.
Did you know Prokofiev
was a chess master?
That's why his concertos
are so deceptively cunning.
He wants you to feel the notes,
not anticipate them.
I'm not looking for lessons.
I play for my own fulfillment.
And yet music doesn't
seem to fulfill you.
Stop trying to control it.
You have to succumb
to its beautiful chaos.
I cause chaos. I don't succumb to it.
[tense, jittery music warbling]
[dramatic music playing]
[Morticia] There hasn't been a Pyre
since my days at Nevermore.
Yes! It's a marvel what these
DaVinci students can build.
They have more creativity
in their right pinkies
than I have in my entire body.
This thing's gonna work, right?
Mmm, Outcast can-do! Love it!
This is why tradition is so important.
It instills pride in our children.
Principal Weems was all about
fitting into the Normie world.
No disrespect.
I know you two were old friends.
[Morticia] Hmm.
[Dort] Now, the Addams family is
a prime example
of Outcasts who don't bend
to Normie culture.
And that is a testament to you,
Mrs. Addams.
Mm-hmm. Thank you.
Have you made your decision
about chairing the gala yet?
I'm still pondering.
I want to do what's best for Nevermore,
but also for my family.
I understand. That is a lot to balance.
Which is why you would have
a liaison student to assist you.
And I am on the hunt
for that perfect person.
- Look no further. She's here.
- [gasps, chuckles]
Mrs. Addams, Bianca Barclay,
one of our best and brightest.
It would be an honor
to work with a Nevermore legend.
Oh, Bianca.
Come to the pyre tonight,
see what we're trying to build here.
Then decide if you want to be involved.
From Xavier.
"I tried texting, but I guess
you lost the phone I gave you."
- You have a phone?
- I dropped it in the bath.
[menacing, grandiose music playing]
[music halts]
"Consider this my goodbye gift."
"The image suddenly flashed in my head."
"Don't ask me how I know or what it means,
but it's connected to you, I'm sure."
"Who's Wednesday Addams without
a mystery to solve, right? Xavier."
A creepy crow on a headstone.
- What's it mean?
- [Wednesday] No idea.
Thing and I are headed
to the Founder's Pyre. You joining?
Have you been using
my typewriter without permission?
[bell dings]
"Read any good books lately?"
My novel.
It's gone.
"Higher, higher, higher,
I am demon of the fire,
and each blazing roof's my pyre!"
My stalker's going to burn
my manuscript at the Founder's Pyre.
That's not your only copy, right?
Seriously? Copy machines
aren't even 21st-century technology.
I'm not going to allow two years
of my life to go up in flames.
[upbeat dance music playing]
The stalker is here.
Be on the lookout for anyone watching us.
Who isn't watching us?
- Enid!
- Enid!
Hey! Stay on track.
I need to check the pyre.
You go on the other side.
Hey! Once the bonfire's lit,
I'm sneaking off to the Skull Tree
to go dig up that dead kid.
Who's coming?
Sorry. Tonight's my big night.
Dort's going to recognize me
for helping save the school.
Thing, keep your fingers peeled.
The stalker's playing a game.
"If you don't want your novel
to go up in smoke,
meet me under the pyre."
"P.S. I found a few more typos."
Wednesday, what are you doing?
Hey! Enid.
Ajax. Hi.
What's going on?
Hey, you kind of ghosted me this summer.
I texted a bunch.
I left a crazy number of voicemails.
Ah Sorry. My bad.
Wolf Camp was strictly device-free.
I was unplugged for a whole month.
Can you believe it? I think I have PTSD.
We've been back two days.
It kind of feels like
you've been avoiding me.
Uh, well, I've been busy with the pack,
and you have your RA thing.
Plus I've got the Wednesday factor,
and she never disappoints.
Hey, Enid.
I saved you a spot at the front.
Thanks, Bruno. But I'm kind of
in the middle of something right now.
Wednesday!
Wednesday!
Wednesday!
[mic feedback whines]
Good evening, Nevermore.
- Whoo!
- [audience cheering]
Good evening,
and welcome to the Founder's Pyre.
Tonight, we're going to start
by singing the Nevermore alma mater.
[Gomez sputtering in excitement]
[playing melodic piano line]
Nevermore, forever dreaming ♪
Years of study, fun and screaming ♪
Outcast bonds forged in trust ♪
While all others turn to dust ♪
DaVinci, Siren, Faceless, Gorgon ♪
Never forget your Outcast origin ♪
Ravens feast on all our woes ♪
In the home of Edgar Allan Poe ♪
At Nevermore ♪
[all cheering]
["Dancing in the Dark"
by Bruce Springsteen playing]
Whoo!
I get up in the evening ♪
- [mic whines]
- [grunts]
And I ain't got nothing to say ♪
I come home in the morning ♪
- [mic whines]
- [Dort chuckles]
Hello, fellow Outcasts!
And welcome back to Nevermore.
I'm your Principal, Barry Dort
[crowd falls silent]
[song continuing through silence]
and tonight we celebrate a new era.
Yeah!
[crowd cheering]
Now, I know change can be scary,
but you don't have to be afraid.
You know why?
Because we are Outcast strong!
Yes, we are!
You can't start a
fire without a spark ♪
[Enid] Wednesday!
You gotta get out of here. They're
gonna light this thing any second.
[suspenseful music building]
[Dort] All right. Now, from now on,
I am abolishing the Nightshades
and all secret societies.
[confused muttering]
The protection of our school
falls upon all of us.
Therefore, we are all Nightshades.
Yeah.
[stilted applause]
Now, in the words of that great
American Outcast, Bruce Springsteen
you can't start a fire
without a spark!
[crowd cheering]
[Enid] Wednesday!
Wednesday! I'm getting help!
Yes.
[pyre caws]
[all exclaiming]
- [student] Whoo!
- Whoo-hoo!
[all cheering]
[whoops]
[Enid] We need to put out the bonfire!
Principal Dort!
Wednesday is trapped under the pyre.
[Dort] Don't panic.
Here she is, right on cue!
Our student of honor, Wednesday Addams!
None of us would be here today
without your bravery.
[Enid sniffing]
Wednesday, would you help me
unveil something very special?
I had this commissioned to commemorate
how you and your ragtag group
of Nevermore buddies saved our school!
[crowd cheering]
[satisfied laugh]
Could you give us
a few words of inspiration
to launch us into the new era?
[crowd chanting] Wednesday! Wednesday!
Wednesday! Wednesday!
[chanting continues]
[crowd falls quiet]
Tonight
[student] Yeah!
is our banquet of discontent.
And we shall gladly feast
on those who would subdue us.
Our fight is just beginning.
And I'm ripping the Band-Aid off
the scab of civility,
and will not cease until
our enemies have been vanquished!
And by enemies,
I mean any imbecile
stupid enough to cheer on
some shallow,
rabble-rousing diatribe like that.
- [confused muttering]
- [student] What?
You thought I was your hero? I'm not.
I always play dirty,
and I never fight fair.
The only side I'm on is my own,
and the only place I'll lead you
is off a cliff.
So do not put me on a pedestal,
because I will burn it down.
[feedback whines]
[crowd gasping]
[Enid] What the hell are you doing?
- I never agreed to this.
- So you're going to torpedo it for us?
You're my best friend,
but can you be less Wednesday?
This is supposed to
be our best year ever!
Damn it!
[eerie, unsettling music playing]
[faint ticking]
- [bat shrieks]
- [yelps]
[jolting stinger]
[frantic, distressing music playing]
[chuckling]
[zombie huffing]
[Enid] Hey, stop!
Wednesday, will you wait up?
[disorienting stinger]
[audio distortions whoosh]
[cawing]
[Enid] This is all your fault, Wednesday.
This is all your fault.
I died because of you.
I died because of you!
[gasps deeply]
Wednesday!
[jauntily macabre outro music playing]