Work in Progress (2019) s02e01 Episode Script

1
Previously on Work In Progress.
This bitch at work. She's like,
"I went to Costco and got you almonds."
I laid out 180 almonds.
And every day I'm just
gonna throw one away.
There's one almond left
and I don't feel any better.
- I'm done.
- I'm sure you remember my sister Abby.
You really need to get a new therapist.
Happy wife, happy life.
- I love you, honey.
- I love you too, babe.
Hey, you know what?
It looks like I didn't even
need saving from Susan after all.
We should talk about your future.
King I really like.
You totally cheated!
I have one almond left, Chris.
Abby, those almonds are
completely arbitrary.
- They mean nothing.
- They mean everything.
I was in love with
the big blue ocean
Letting her waves take me anywhere
Fulfilled with the words not spoken
- Silence and the salt in my hair
-
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Never fall, never fall
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
I was in love with
the big blue ocean
Letting her waves
take me anywhere
Why did I dream about ham?
Oh, God.
Please never tell me.
Me want coffee.
No.
Oh, thank you so much.
Oh, wow!
Hold on, I'm going
to write in my journal
that you said "thank you."
Okay
Campbell said thank you.
Now I'm embarrassed.
I hope you have a good day.
Well, you have a wonderful
day at work today, dear.
Thank you, my sweet.
I'm gonna have a four-martini lunch
and try not to fuck the secretary.
You have a secretary?
Hey.
This is still kind of fun, right?
Kind of!
Ahh!
I
don't really have a
better way to say it but,
life just got in the
way of me killing myself?
"Life" kept you alive?
Tell me what that means.
I mean, I know it doesn't
sound very elegant, but, um,
like, shit kept happening.
So I never got around to it.
Give me an example.
Well, I got a promotion.
That's something to live for.
Not really.
But it does keep me
extra busy at work now.
At my desk, so I,
I don't have as much time
to think of different ways
to end it.
I'm still going to count
that as a net positive.
And my best friend Campbell moved in.
That's good, right?
Well, she moved in because her dog died.
How does a dog even suffocate
in a bag of fucking rice cakes?
There was a whole
rotisserie chicken carcass
in the garbage that
she could've eaten.
I mean, she was held back
at that K9 High place.
Remember that?
Yeah, you got fucked up
It was the money poorly spent.
I mean, I got it on,
like, a Groupon, I feel.
Oh, I'm just gonna miss her so much.
Hey, look at me for a second.
Everything will be okay.
We'll get through it.
Oh, and a pipe burst,
which basically ruined
all of my journals,
and that is my entire
life and its history.
Wow, that's a lot.
And now it's like every morning
I'm waking up 45 minutes earlier.
'Cause I really need my alone time.
And I'm not at all a morning person.
Sounds like a great deal of change
in a short amount of time.
How are you handling that?
I don't really
I don't know how to answer that but I
guess I'm still here.
Net positive.
I hope you think this went well.
Yeah.
Same day next week?
I'd really like that.
And I also I just really want to say
thank you for listening to me.
For all intensive
purposes, that's my job!
Uh, what did you just say?
Um, that's my job?
No, right before that.
"Intensive purposes?"
So I take it you're still looking
for a new therapist then?
Ha-ha!
For all "intensive purposes."
Yes, sir.
Did you call him out on it though?
No.
Why not?
He's Black.
Okay, so?
I cannot call out a Black person
for making grammatical mistakes.
That is clearly racist.
Not calling out a Black person
for their grammatical
mistakes is racist.
I mean, he's a fucking doctor,
- he should know better.
- See,
I mean, I knew I was being racist.
I just didn't know how.
Hey,
I'm always happy to let you know
how and when you're being racist, okay?
Don't even worry.
Hey, you know what?
I promise to always tell you
when you make grammatical mistakes.
Lady, I'm a copywriter.
If you come for my grammar
I'ma edit your ass out of my life.
Okay?
All right.
For all "intents and purposes."
Okay.
All right, I'll see
you later, okay, friend?
- Hey, no problem.
- All right.
Hi, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Okay here we go
Susan, are you okay?
Yeah, yeah, I'm totally,
I, oh, God
I really hate barfing.
I don't know of anybody
who loves barfing.
I'm pregnant.
I'm so sorry, Susan.
If there's anything I could do,
I'd love to help.
What?
Are you kidding? I'm so, so excited!
I've been trying for many
an ovulation, I know that.
Oh, Abby, I'm going to tell the office.
Very soon, but until then,
mum's the word, okay?
I'm kind of surprised
that you want kids.
- It's so great! Yeah!
- I know, I know!
I gotta tell you,
motherhood has already been
- an amazing journey
- Sure.
Oop, my mouth's watering
- Everyday is a blessing!
- You know, Susan,
I think we have different
definitions of blessing.
Hey, I'm home.
Jesus.
Are you sweating?
Come on!
I'm chopping vegetables.
Why?
"Wellness."
Heard of it?
No, I don't think I have.
Unless you mean these.
Uh
I'm just trying not to drink
as much at home anymore.
Well, fine, let's go
out to the back porch!
You can't do
self-care when I'm in crisis.
I just can't tonight, okay? No.
But thank you.
All right, well, suit yourself.
Hmm.
You know what?
I'll have one.
Mm. Like we would ever
have more than just one.
- Never.
- Mm-hmm.
Now I've been thinking about it.
I know why you dreamt about ham.
- You do?
- Mm-hmm.
Who cares?
It's comfortable.
Comfortable?
Aly, it's socks and sandals.
Not only that, she's like this bubbly,
saccharine like, redhead.
And like,
couldn't be older than 32.
And she couldn't catch a hint.
And I'm supposed to listen to her
tell me how to manage this?
It just can't work.
You know what I think?
You know what? I do.
I have a very good
idea of what you think.
Well, I think that you're
looking for any sort of excuse
to not commit to somebody.
It is really hard to
find the right person.
Oh, yeah,
it's hard to find the right person
when it's the most
idealized person imaginable.
Alison, I'm just not gonna settle.
I'm worried about you, Abby.
Really? That's a first.
All right.
Forget it. Fine.
You know what?
I want you take this
phone charging cord.
It's six feet and it is very useful.
Here you go.
This looks very useful.
- Oh, it is. It's very useful.
- Oh, thank you.
So, how's Campbell?
You know what?
She's doing okay.
About as well as we
could expect, I think.
And how is living together?
That is something we're figuring out.
Journaling?
The goal post is up!
Finally. It's only been sitting
in a box for what? Months?
That it hasn't been months.
Oh, okay. Yeah, sure,
- you know, what is time?
- Okay,
I've been busy at work.
And with my band
And I was really hoping that Meg
would get around to maybe
putting it up herself.
- Oh, Meg?
- Mm-hmm.
Well, she is 15.
Oh, I don't know why
you're looking at me
when you say that.
Just for the record.
Oh. Yeah, I'm here for the record.
- Duly noted, my liege.
- Good.
Um
You need a ride home?
I don't think so, but thanks.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
I mean, it's really, it's not a problem.
I mean, at all.
Yeah, okay.
I would love one, um
Uh, you can't come
upstairs though, okay?
- That's the deal.
- Wha Why?
God, why did I even offer?
Go fuck yourself
What's that?
You heard me.
- Love you.
- I'll be right out.
What's going on?
That was so weird.
Well, we're fine.
We we are, we are.
Okay, uh
Just know that you can call
me if you need to, okay?
You know what? I actually
think you should really consider
getting one of those
seasonal bad mood lamps.
Yeah, I think it would
be very good for you.
- I think it would be so good for me.
- Yeah, in fact,
I will email you
some literature right now.
- That sounds fantastic.
- Mm-hmm.
Aly.
I love you, okay?
- I love you, too.
- Okay.
- Hey, Aly?
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, here we go.
- Who's that dancing queen?
- Oh, here we go.
Whoo-hoo!
- Ah do, ah do
- Oh, my God.
- Keep the change, all right?
- Thank you.
- Have a great day.
- You too.
Hey!
- You're getting cookies?
- Well, yeah.
I mean, you were taking so long in there
my blood sugar was
getting dangerously low.
I'm still so excited that it's legal!
Look, they have cannabis
toothpaste and dope on a rope!
- Oh.
- Come on. Yeah.
I'm overwhelmed by all the choices.
Well, clearly, 'cause you
bought out the whole store!
It's not just for me.
Okay, I'm sorry, but
just because it's legal
does not mean that
Alison is gonna partake.
Well, you know,
we used to smoke a
little grass in college.
Oh, did you smoke grass?
Okay, Wavy Gravy.
- Tool box!
- Yeah, well,
things at
home have been tense.
Yeah, I noticed.
Aly's so wound up and
we're fighting all the time.
And she insists there's no problem.
Maybe you should try counseling.
Like, couples therapy?
Yeah.
Look, you know how I hate to brag.
Yeah?
But you did marry into a family
of very poor communicators.
So, couples go through this.
Or so I hear.
Marriage is pretty tough I hear.
Yeah.
That's what all the
movies tell me anyway.
Do you want me to call a Lyft or?
- Sorry.
- No, it's okay.
- Okay, sorry, okay, here we go.
- Okay.
Oh! Hey, I think I need
some more underwear too.
Damn right you do.
The worst.
Oh! And can you grab me
a few more work shirts?
People are starting to notice.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Oh!
- Oh, no, no, no.
- No what?
- What's happening?
- Oh, my God!
It's Ankles.
Oh, my God! No!
Oh, it's the girl from
Stilts, remember her?
I remember her.
She's walking this way.
She's? Oh, I'm sorry.
She's not allowed to
walk on the streets?
Oh, okay, okay. She's turned around.
- She's turned around. It's fine.
- Okay.
Oh, my God.
Hey, do you need anything
else from in here?
Um My eye mask,
but the cow one.
So if I get you this, will you promise
not to wake up four times a night?
No, I cannot give you that promise.
Oh, God, Ankles, she
was such a bitch to me.
Like, she thought we
were dating or something
and I was like, "Nah, no offense."
Well, I do kind of take offense to that.
Oh.
Listen.
Chandler will kill us if
we skip another game night.
I'm not afraid of Chandler.
Bullshit.
We're all afraid of Chandler.
She will skin us.
She'll wear us as skin suits.
That's just a little outrageous.
I need you to stop watching
so many murder documentaries.
I need you to start.
I just don't feel like being
loud and fun tonight, okay?
Oh, so, just loud?
I'm burnt!
Thank you.
You know what?
If you want to go, I'll go, all right?
"Want" is a strong word.
Okay, shoo, get the hell out.
- Go. Bye-bye.
- Bye.
Smile help turns the world upside down.
Mary Tyler fucking Moore!
Yes, Queen.
That is some old White lady knowledge.
Thank you very much.
What? What do you know?
I'm like, "I don't want a piece of ice."
I was in almost every Lifetime movie.
From Nightmare
Okay, so when you're quitting smoking,
you chew this.
- Gum.
- Gum.
Yeah. No, no, no, what kind?
- Nicorette!
- Yes!
- Sounds like?
- Oh, Nicolette.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Nicollette Sheridan!
Yes!
I mean, fuck you!
Fuck you, fuck you, you, you, you,
you, you and you!
Wait. Okay, okay. Who am I?
"Yeah, I solve crimes."
- Eddie doing Colombo!
- Yes!
Yeah!
Um, I'm sorry, there's way more nuance
with whatever that was.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
I'm going to get going soon.
Okay. Was it weird? Did
you have fun at least?
No, oh, my God, what
are you talking about?
- It was a dream.
- Great.
I'm just late for Body Hack.
Oh, okay.
The fundraiser for Chris's top surgery.
I'm really happy for him.
It's totally great.
Bye.
Like, why does
being in a relationship
suddenly make you a better person?
- Or like a whole person?
-
I agree.
Society puts an unhealthy emphasis
on romantic partnering.
Yeah.
And it's bullshit, you know,
because I have fulfilling relationships.
Like, I have, like, really good friends
and my family.
Talk a little more about that.
Am I sounding pretty defensive about it?
I've been told
- No, not at all.
- Okay.
I mean, I understand what you're saying.
It just sounds like you have some
unresolved issues with your last partner
that are just bubbling
beneath the surface.
Yeah.
You could say that.
Um
I would say
the one,
the main thing
about my relationship with Chris
is, um
I really regret how it ended.
Um, and it's something
I haven't been able
to really move beyond.
Um
I can't forgive myself for it.
But why do you feel
like it was your fault?
Well, everything's my fault.
Haven't you heard the
word on the street?
Uh
This actually really
This actually really
was all my fault.
Um
How so?
On the night of the break-up, uh
when he dumped me
I was just so sad.
I would say more, it's more devastated,
anxious
and fucking furious.
I was so angry.
It felt like every fear I've had
about this relationship, like,
all my fears were coming true.
My anger took over and I
screamed out his dead name.
Oh.
I'm so ashamed of it and I know
it was the wrong thing to do.
Hold on.
Is that a deal breaker for us?
Am I just so bad that
you won't see me anymore?
Is that why you closed your book?
Did you say that your
ex's name is Chris?
Yeah.
Abby.
What? Like, look,
I know it's unforgivable.
I know I have so much to make up for,
but, like, you're the
ninth therapist I've been to
since the break-up
and the only one I really
have felt a connection with
and I haven't wanted to run
out screaming from the room
Abby, due to client-patient
confidentiality,
I can't disclose more
than the fact that there's
a conflict of interest
here and I cannot be your
therapist.
Why?
This is a conflict of interest here.
What are
Are you Chris's therapist?
I need to end our conversation.
Holy shit.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean to take your time
and please just forget everything.
Please don't tell him I was here.
I'm so sorry.
Uh, thanks for your time.
You seem like a really nice person,
but motherfucker, fuck me!
Look, I'm really sorry, okay?
- It's okay. Just
- Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Just leave those.
Or take one, take, just take it.
I'm sorry.
I'm just really, I'm sorry.
Fuck.
What do you want, high or low?
High my allergies
are b-b-b-bad.
What up, dust bunnies?
I mean, you are welcome
to pick up a broom
- whenever you want.
- Oh, how sweet.
No, thank you.
Here you go.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I owe you.
Don't start, okay?
I I feel so stupid
not being able to go home yet.
It's not stupid.
It makes all the sense
in the world to me.
I know, but I just, like, think about
her little bowl
and her collar
and all of those little
mangled sheep toys,
you know what I mean?
So many massacred little sheep.
I know.
Hey,
you can stay here as
long as you need, okay?
I mean,
it's still kind of fun, right?
Yeah.
- Kinda.
- Okay, rude!
Oh, my God.
Okay.
I have been meaning
to ask you a question.
When you bring girls
home, do you wear that?
Uh no,
not on the first night,
but if they get to
have a second overnight,
absolutely, they get to see the mask.
Oh, I'm sorry. So if they're so lucky,
they get to see it.
Yeah, this is expensive.
One of my most expensive items,
so I'll show it off.
The luckiest girls in the world.
Oh, man. Lord.
Oh, no, no.
Oh. Here we go.
All right. Goodnight, you freak.
I love you.
I love you.
I'm sorry, I couldn't catch that.
- I love you too.
- No, I'm sorry,
could you do that one more time?
I couldn't quite catch that.
I love you too!
Okay.
- Fuck you.
- Fuck you! I heard that one.
Your clock is so bright.
What?
Your clock is so bright!
Trust me, I know.