Your Friends & Neighbors (2025) s02e01 Episode Script

1
[waves crashing]
[upbeat music playing]
Sorry I'm late.
Where are the kids?
Uh, when I left,
Hunter was making love with his iPad
on the terrace
and Tori was ordering room service
like her life depended on it.
I made dinner reservations.
What are you gonna do?
Best laid plans.
- Hi, I will have a Negroni, please.
- Sure.
- Oh, wow.
- It's my vacation drink.
[chuckles] I thought too much rosé
was your vacation drink.
Yeah, so I guess Negronis
are my "vacation is over" drink.
Reentry's a bitch.
I don't wanna go home.
Hey, we're here till we're not.
- What? Thank you.
- [bartender] Negroni for the lady.
- Enjoy.
- That's my vacation philosophy.
Wow, Coop, that's deep.
You know that actually
doesn't mean anything, right?
It will after your second Negroni.
I may switch to mezcal.
- Famous last words. [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
There will be others.
Last words?
No, vacations like this.
You think?
We're here till we're not.
Oh, my God. Make it stop.
Think about it. We've been very evolved…
doing something like this.
Easier when we're not sleeping
with each other's friends.
- Hey, you did it first.
- You were charged with murder.
Fair.
- Can I have another one please?
- Wow.
[bartender] Sí, señora.
Put that down quick.
Miles to go before I sleep.
We're 50, Coop.
- Damn.
- [chuckles]
I really thought
I'd have it all figured out by now
or at least I thought
I wouldn't be starting from scratch.
Listen, this time last year,
I was looking at life in prison.
And we could have lost everything,
so I think we're doing okay.
What you're saying is,
you lowered the bar.
- I obliterated the bar. There is no bar.
- [laughs]
Let's get very, very, very drunk.
Okay.
[sucks teeth]
[clicks tongue] Did I interrupt that?
[chuckles] Not at all.
Sitting here drinking Negronis.
You're looking to get laid.
- Not my type.
- Bullshit.
I would do her.
Really?
I mean, if that's the case,
I-I really wasn't prepared for that.
I just, uh… I can rally.
- You know, we're all consenting adults.
- In your dreams.
- I've had that dream.
- Don't let me get in your way.
You're not in my way.
You're not getting in my way.
I mean, you're on vacation.
If that's what you want to do,
- damn it, you should do it.
- That's not what I want to do.
I mean, the kids bailed.
It's your last night.
We managed to make it
through the entire trip
without falling into bed together.
- Yay for us, by the way.
- Yay for us.
This is America.
- Mexico, actually.
- She's hot, you're well-preserved.
[chuckles] Thank you.
And if you wanna get yourself some,
you should get yourself some.
If I wanted to do anything,
I would have done it already.
That easy, is it?
- Yeah. I'm gonna go.
- Where you going?
What-What-What just happened?
- Nothing happened. You're good.
- I'm good?
- You say that, but…
- I'm not gonna sit here and…
cockblock you.
I feel like this conversation
just took a left turn.
And you'd be right about that.
Hey, I got us a table at Flora Farms.
Do you have any idea how hard that was?
Best laid plans, right?
[Coop] There was a moment
when going on vacation
with my ex-wife seemed inconceivable.
[fireworks exploding]
Turns out, there was good reason for that.
But even having another argument
with Mel that I didn't fully understand
couldn't stop me from relishing the fact
that I was drinking smooth whiskey
on the beach at a five-star resort
when I could've been serving 25 to life.
All things considered,
things were on the upswing.
This is what happens…
You get arrested for murder.
You get exonerated.
You get offered your old job back,
but you decide to go a different way,
burning that bridge once and for all.
Which means your interim income source
is now your primary income source.
So, you level up
and mend fences.
Nothing buries the hatchet faster
than a solid revenue stream.
But in a town where perception
is nine-tenths of the law,
you wanna keep up appearances.
Like having an office in Manhattan
to go to work in every day.
Which helps get your co-parenting
back on track.
Let's go.
[tires screech]
[Coop] And now that life
is feeling manageable,
you can finally enjoy being single.
Hold tight ♪
We're in for nasty weather ♪
There has got to be a way ♪
Burning down the house ♪
Which means nights on the town.
And nights spent at home.
["Burning Down the House" playing]
Watch out
You might get what you're after ♪
Cool babies
Strange but not a stranger ♪
I'm an ordinary guy ♪
[moaning]
[Coop] You couldn't say if it was
being arrested for murder or exonerated,
but somehow the entire tawdry episode
has boosted your social cachet.
Not so much for Sam Levitt.
Her lawyer managed to plead her down
to a hefty fine and community service.
She may have gotten off easy,
but there's another law
in Westmont Village.
[chattering, laughing]
And that particular court shows no mercy.
Life is better than it's been for a while.
The family dynamic
is more or less working.
Your kids are thriving.
And if there are moments
where the simmering pain
of your fractured family still threatens
to kick your ass…
well, that's where those nights
I mentioned before come in.
[moaning]
[Coop] And failing that,
there's always scotch and a classic movie.
[characters chattering on TV]
[Coop]
You're finally feeling comfortable again.
In control. Safe. Optimistic even.
And as you already know
from painful experience,
that's generally when life will serve up
a perfectly aimed kick in the crotch.
[broker] Mr. Ashe.
Hi. Reenie Hudson. We spoke on the phone.
- Hi, Reenie. How are ya?
- Hi.
Wow, nice car.
Oh, you a car person?
- I mean, not exactly. [chuckles]
- Oh, that's small talk.
- Small talk, sorry. Thank you.
- Yeah. Okay, after you.
Hello.
Hi. Are you the listing broker?
- Yes. Samantha Levitt. [chuckles]
- Hi. Owen Ashe.
You don't look like a… a realtor.
- Oh. [laughs]
- I mean that in the best possible way.
Oh, I'm kinda new to it.
- Oh, hey, Reenie.
- Hey, Samantha.
[chuckles]
So, Mr. Ashe,
should I show you around the house?
- Oh, just Ashe.
- Okay, Ashe.
Uh, yeah. I would, uh…
Yeah, I'd love that.
But honestly,
I don't wanna waste your time
'cause I just feel like there's no world
in which I'm buying this house.
Oh, well, that was quick.
No, it's just too small. Yeah, I mean,
it's… it's way too small actually.
I mean, I'm standing here and…
I don't know, I can already feel
the entire house, you know?
I want something I can get lost in.
And this, yeah, I don't know.
Some of these design elements…
Yuck.
Yeah, I don't know.
I was pretty clear I was looking
for something much grander, you know?
With a lot more oomph, some wow.
- But this place isn't even remotely…
- It's my house.
- It's your house?
- Mm-hmm.
That would have been great information
to have before I arrived.
[chuckles] I didn't know if she
was disclosing that fact, considering the…
the circumstances.
The circumstances?
What Reenie is so subtly referring to
is the fact that my husband
died here last year.
Oh, wow. Well, I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
Well, my wife died eight years ago,
so, you know, I'm in the club.
- [Samantha] I'm sorry for your loss.
- Oh, thank you.
How did he die?
He killed himself.
- What, here in the house?
- Pretty much right where you're standing.
Wait a minute. This is that house?
That whole thing?
- Mmm. Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, it made the news.
They arrested you.
Yes.
- [Ashe] You're a dangerous woman.
- [Samantha, Ashe chuckling]
Hey, I've had a couple brushes
with the law myself.
Then I guess we're both in that club too.
- I guess so.
- [chuckles]
Okay. Well, um, Mr. Ashe,
- we should probably get going.
- Yeah, yeah.
Hey, uh, Samantha.
Why would a broker who knows
I'm in a different league
show me this house?
It's her fluffer house.
- A fluffer house?
- Mmm.
[scoffs] Now, that's… that's not a thing.
It makes the next houses she shows
you look even bigger
and grander by comparison.
- No, no, no.
- I see.
I like to educate my clients
about the entire market
before they consider a purchase.
Is that something you do?
Uh, hard to say.
No one in this town
will give me a listing.
[Ashe] What? Why not?
Oh, right.
The whole convicted felon thing.
It was pleaded down
to a few misdemeanors actually.
- That's great. Good for you.
- Thank you. [chuckles]
- Will you give me a minute?
- Sure.
- Reenie.
- Yeah?
Yeah, do you mind
if I chat with you for a sec?
[Reenie, Ashe speak indistinctly]
That's a 750S, right?
- Yeah.
- It's a good car.
- Yes, it is.
- [chuckles]
Hey, um…
I'm suddenly finding myself
in need of a realtor.
How's your day looking?
[sighs]
- Yes.
- Hey, Reenie.
You have the listing
for the Bisbee estate, right?
- Yes, but this is not okay.
- Can you get us in in about ten minutes?
[sighs]
- Sure.
- Great.
- I was planning to take…
- We're all set.
Nice. Let's take my car.
- Hey, Samantha…
- Sam.
Okay, Sam.
I was just wondering,
how many houses have you actually sold?
Including this one, uh, none.
Great.
[theme song playing]
A paper shadow
In a house of stone ♪
The wooden flag
Of a drifting dreamboat ♪
I never knew
How far the ride was gonna go ♪
Till I looked back
At the smoke ♪
You can't keep up
With the Joneses ♪
Don't wanna run
For the roses ♪
I got my pocket of posies ♪
Sometimes I wonder why ♪
Sometimes I wonder why ♪
I just don't run
With the Joneses ♪
Don't wanna smell
The dying roses ♪
I got my pocket
Full of posies ♪
I don't keep up
With the Joneses ♪
I'm Jeff Pratt, with the Princeton Alumni
Schools Committee,
and I'll be conducting your interview.
Mmm. Got it.
I know your parents from back in the day.
- Are they well?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
So, Tori. Tell me, why Princeton?
Aside from the fact
that both your parents went there.
That's not enough?
Well, um, put another way,
what is it you're looking to get out
of your four years with us?
Oh, are you… are you on the faculty there?
- What? No.
- I just assumed when you said "us."
- Sorry. [chuckles] Figure of speech.
- [chuckles] Oh, okay.
There's no need to be nervous.
It's just us talking here.
Well, first of all, Jeff,
I think we should acknowledge
the pro forma nature of this interview.
I'm a legacy kid, on both sides,
whose father has been a consistent donor.
And the reason he's been
a consistent donor,
the reason so many graduates of the Ivies
continue to support their alma maters,
is to make sure there's a spot
for their kids there.
Because, well, let's be honest,
there are much worthier charities
to support.
You all torched the planet
in the name of capitalism,
and now,
rather than try to undo the damage
or feed the hungry or house the homeless,
you're giving millions
to 300-year-old institutions
riddled with systemic racism,
anti-Semitism, and sexism,
in order to ensure
that yet another generation
of privileged rich kids
will continue to hoard the lion's share
of what's left
of the planet's remaining resources,
while the unwashed masses
go to war over the scraps.
So, I appreciate you taking the time,
but let's be honest.
We both know I'm going to be accepted
because you all engineered the system
to do just that.
I didn't engineer anything.
Sorry.
Figure of speech.
Also, tennis. [chuckles]
- What?
- I'm being recruited for tennis.
I probably should have led with that.
[Ashe] Now this is what I'm talkin' about!
- How much?
- [Samantha] Twenty million.
- But I'm sure there's some wiggle room.
- I'll take it.
Okay.
- [Reenie] So you're offering full asking?
- Yeah, in cash.
But I wanna close by Monday.
- [Reenie] Monday?
- Yeah.
We're gonna need
at least a week for contracts.
Then you're gonna wanna do
a thorough inspection…
I'm gonna have a whole team
up here tomorrow to kick the tires.
In the meantime,
you can get the paperwork to my lawyer.
Hey, congratulations.
- [chuckles]
- You just sold your first house.
[chuckles] It… What is it you do again?
[Elena] "We elect a US senator
for how many years?"
- [radio static]
- Six.
[Elena] Okay. [inhales sharply]
Name five of the original 13 states.
Colonies.
New York, New Jersey,
Connecticut, Massachusetts,
Rhode Island, Delaware,
New Hampshire,
Maryland, Virginia,
Pennsylvania, Georgia.
That's 11.
What am I forgetting?
- How do you know all this?
- I watch a lot of Jeopardy!
[breathes deeply]
Ah. Guess what?
[Elena] What?
A drawer full of Cartier LOVE Bracelets.
[Elena scoffs, grunts]
I'm telling you, every woman in this town
wears like ten of them.
I don't get it. They wouldn't be
caught dead wearing the same dress,
but they all need to have this one thing.
It's like a requirement or something.
You want me to grab you a couple?
They'll never miss 'em.
That's not a club I need to join.
Okay? Just find the pen.
It's in the office
behind the primary bedroom.
North and South Carolina.
- What?
- The other two colonies.
[chuckles] Okay.
Now you're just showing off.
[Coop] It's not in the desk.
Oh. Bingo.
Drawer full of pens.
Y-You sure he would keep something
this valuable in a mess like this?
Natalia says he gets a crazy expensive pen
every time he signs a deal
and then just throws it in a drawer.
It's like some sort of ritual.
All right.
Found it.
The Etoile de Montblanc
Joailliere Fountain Pen.
With just 15 produced worldwide,
this limited edition is crafted
entirely out of 18-karat rose gold.
Adorned with Cognac diamonds
and a nib that supposedly glides
more smoothly than RIMOWA wheels,
it's not just a pen
but an aspirational work of art
reselling for $165,000.
I'm not sure what's worse.
That someone pays that for a pen
or that he tosses it into
a cluttered drawer with 30 others.
Either way,
a guy like that deserves to lose it.
- Shit.
- What?
I dropped the fucking thing.
Hold on. Let me get it.
[groans] I got it.
[grunts, groans]
Coop? What happened?
Coop?
- [Coop groaning]
- What is it?
[groans] My back went out. [groaning]
It really fucking hurts.
- [winces] I can't move.
- What do you mean you can't move?
- Just get out here.
- I mean I can't move.
I… [panting] …I'm lying on my back.
You can't be serious, Coop.
Do I sound like I'm fucking joking?
Shit. Okay. I'm coming in.
No! [groans]
[narrating] My back had been seizing up
ever since Christian's art thugs
worked me over last year.
Usually a cocktail of painkillers
and muscle relaxants would do the trick,
and a few days later, I'd be golden.
But I didn't have a few days.
I had less than two hours before
the people who lived there would be back.
And when it came to
thinking up an explanation
for how I came to be lying on their floor,
I was drawing a blank.
Okay. Shit. We gotta move.
Okay. Okay.
Just-Just help-help me up here.
- Okay.
- Just, uh…
[grunts, groans] Fuck, no.
- Sorry. Okay, okay, okay.
- Fuck, fuck. Oh, no.
[Coop breathes heavily]
[groaning]
[groans] God,
you're like dead fucking weight.
- I can't move you. Can you crawl?
- [sighs] No, I can't even roll over.
- [sighs] This is crazy.
- Just give me a few minutes.
- We don't have a few minutes.
- Well, then go.
- I'll figure something out.
- I'm not gonna bail on you.
Well, I can't move.
- We're gonna have to call someone.
- No. No.
- You can't move!
- [groans]
- [grunts] Fuck! [groaning] Fuck.
- Come on, Coop.
[panting]
- We have to call someone.
- No shit.
- [panting]
- Who?
Okay. What the fuck?
I'll explain later. Can you…
Can you just please help me up?
You'll explain what you're doing
on the floor of some random house
with Nick's housekeeper?
Elena.
I know your name.
Question… Whose house is this?
- The Hemmings'.
- [Barney] And you know them how?
We don't.
"We don't." "We don't."
- "We"? Really? "We"?
- Can we hurry this up, please?
- We need to move.
- [Barney] Just so I'm clear,
and I'm sorry
if I've misread the situation here,
we are currently trespassing?
- Correct.
- And why would we be doing that?
Okay. They're gonna be home any minute.
So can we finish up this Q and A later?
Q and A? [scoffs]
[chuckles] That's… That's funny.
She's funny. Who knew?
Barney! Please?
[sighs]
Okay.
[sighs] You grab his left.
I'll grab his right. On three.
- One, two, three. [grunts]
- Two.
[groaning, grunts]
[Elena sighs]
When does your sister get home?
She's gonna be playing
for another couple hours at least.
[Elena] Okay. Do you have pills for this?
[Coop] Yeah.
Upstairs in the medicine cabinet.
There's Flexeril and Percocet.
Please. Both of them.
[Elena] Yep.
[exhales deeply]
So instead of taking back your job
at Bailey Russell,
a job that would pay you seven
or eight figures annually before bonus,
you're, um, robbing houses
with Nick's housekeeper?
- Elena.
- I know her name.
- I take it you two are, um… mm-mmm…
- What? No. What?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that…
that would be the crazy part
in this whole fucked up scenario.
I know it's a lot to absorb.
[Barney] I'm not absorbing anything.
You know why?
Because it doesn't make any fucking sense.
I mean, if this were some kind
of sex kink thing, then fine.
I mean, not fine, but at least I'd be able
to wrap my brain around it.
But if not that, then-then what?
What is this?
Is this some sort of elaborate,
three-stage midlife crisis?
You know, divorce wasn't enough.
Losing your job wasn't enough.
Getting arrested for murder wasn't…
Oh, my God.
Coop, did you kill Paul Levitt?
No. What are you talking about?
I don't know what I'm talking about!
My best friend just told me
he's some sort of suburban cat burglar.
I mean, how do you even move this stuff?
Do you have a fence?
No. You know… No.
Don't tell me. I don't wanna know.
Wait a minute.
Coop.
Those guys who beat you up…
who ran me over…
that was connected to this?
I could've been fucking killed.
I thought we had moved past this.
I thought you weren't
a motherfucking thief.
[sighs] What a relief.
[Coop sighs]
- [mutters] Hmm.
- Thank you.
- What?
- Oh, nothing. I just…
I just can't wait to hear
this meet-cute story.
Do you have a problem with me?
Of course I have a problem with you.
- I have a problem with all of this!
- Don't yell at me!
I'm not yelling at you!
I'm yelling near you!
You're filling the whole room
with your fucking voice!
Guys! Enough! Goddamn it.
I got to get the fuck out of here.
Barney.
- Barney.
- What?
Thank you for coming to get me.
Fuck you, Coop.
Fuck you very much.
- Fuck!
- [door slams]
That actually went a lot better
than I thought it was going to.
- I know. You can't… [laughs]
- [laughs] And they were like… Yeah.
Thanks.
- Just give us a second. Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
[laughs]
- I feel like they're kicking us out.
- I know.
We do seem to be closing the place down.
- [laughs]
- [sighs]
[inhales deeply, sighs]
What?
I really can't remember the last time
I enjoyed myself just talking
to someone like this.
I have been exceptionally witty tonight.
- Oh, really? Is that what it is?
- Oh, yeah. I brought my best material.
- So it's all downhill from here?
- Oh, yeah, pretty much.
[both laughing]
God.
When… When you get divorced,
I feel like you're so focused
on the act of dissolving the marriage,
you don't think about the complications
that are gonna come afterwards.
So when they finally do come,
they kind of knock you on your ass.
So it's been complicated?
You could say that, yeah.
But you're over it?
I'm working on it.
What about him? Are you over him?
Who?
[both laughing]
I am.
Absolutely. And then some.
So you're conflicted?
[both laughing]
Well, I mean,
the way I see it… [clears throat]
…is if we had known in advance
how complicated our divorces
were gonna be,
emotionally, financially,
fucking logistically…
we'd all probably just give up
and still be in our lousy marriages.
[chuckles] Then where would we be?
- Not here.
- Exactly.
Well, given we are here,
I'm just wondering…
what happens next?
[breathing heavily]
[moaning, panting]
- Wait, wait, wait.
- What? What? What?
- [chuckles] I'm sorry.
- [panting] No. It's okay. It's all right.
You all right? [panting]
Yes. I'm sorry. I just…
I suddenly don't feel well.
- Oh, God. It's okay. Uh… Is this, uh…
- I mean…
[inhales sharply] Something I did?
I promise I'm not blowing you off.
- Okay.
- I was very much with the program.
- Okay.
- Just…
Listen, hey, it's fine. It's fine.
Why don't I take you home?
[Mel] I'm home!
So if anybody's in a state of undress
or making out,
please take the appropriate measures now.
Hi, baby.
Hey, Mom.
Where's Morgan?
I thought you were hanging out tonight?
No, it's just me.
- Hi.
- They got into a fight.
No, it wasn't a fight.
It sounded like a fight.
[Mel] Well, that stinks.
[grunts]
Who can fight with this face?
I think you might be slightly biased.
Well, according to Morgan, I'm an asshole.
I will cut her.
How was your date?
I was thinking about hanging it up.
- Yeah? Me too.
- Perfect.
You can live with me forever.
Take care of me when I am old and infirm.
Okay. But I'm not
gonna change your diapers.
Fair.
We can have a ton of cats.
- It'll be great.
- [Hunter groans]
[serene music playing]
[groans]
Nothing made you more aware of being alone
than when you needed help
getting your ass out of bed.
My back was already feeling better,
which is to say, it hurt like hell.
[sighs, groans]
And as much as I wanted to blame it all
on that beating I took last year,
the ugly truth was that I had a bad back,
and a shrinking bladder,
and being middle-aged sucked.
[urinating]
[classical music playing]
The new place is beautiful.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
"A deluxe apartment in the sky."
[chuckles]
I'm sorry?
Uh, it's The Jeffersons…
You-You remember?
It was a television show
from when I was a…
You know what? Never mind. It's…
Grace is worried about you.
Well, there's nothing to worry about, so…
We wouldn't be here if that were true.
Well, anyone can have a bad year.
Your business model is flawed.
Your risk is not properly managed.
You depend too much on too few clients.
One of them has a bad year
and it hits your bottom line too hard.
Respectfully, um,
the art of wealth management
is choosing clients like stocks.
You know, you make educated decisions
based on a wide array of data points.
For instance, Nick Brandes,
one of my largest clients,
he just signed a major broadcasting deal.
And what happens if he leaves you?
Or gets hit by a truck?
Um, Mr. Park… [stammers]
You rely too much on other people
making their money instead of
you making your money yourself.
I-I make my money…
by providing
a valuable and exclusive service.
I have relationships
across every financial sector.
You don't work
hard enough for what you have.
Says the man who inherited
his business from his father.
[chuckles]
And I have no sons to do the same.
- I thought maybe Grace…
- She doesn't want it.
She wants it…
for you.
[chuckles] So… So you're, uh…
you're offering me a job?
[grunts]
You don't even like me.
That's true.
Okay then. I'll think about it.
[Gordy] How's that back, Coop?
It's getting there. Thank you.
Um, I'm gonna send you to my man Kimo.
He did physio for me
after my knee surgery.
Dude's got magic hands.
Well, I just got a Toradol shot,
so that's doing the majority of
the heavy lifting right now.
Yeah, that works too.
- [laughs]
- It does.
I had a bulging disc a few years ago.
You guys remember that?
Oh, man. I went down the whole
rabbit hole on that one.
Acupuncture, stem cell therapy,
you name it.
I thought my golfing days were over.
[Coop] When we weren't talking about
finance or sports
or the finance of sports,
we devoted a lot of time
to our growing laundry list of injuries.
We were men of a certain age,
all former jocks in some capacity,
confronting the inevitable decline
of our bodies
through a combination
of concierge doctors,
cutting-edge pharmaceuticals,
trainers, and talking it all to death.
It was just another club
we all belonged to.
Hey, you guys get invited to this
party up at the, uh, estate on Bisbee?
[Nick, Gordy] Yeah.
Who is this guy?
Owen Ashe. Hmm.
Apparently he made a fortune on shipping.
Paid asking on the house.
Twenty million. All cash.
- Jesus.
- Wow.
Here comes the neighborhood.
Geez, and he's throwing himself
a welcome-to-town party?
Sounds like a douche.
Uh, I don't know.
It's like The Great Gatsby or something.
Could be fun.
You know how that book ended, right?
[all laughing]
Well, I heard it was, uh,
Sam Levitt who made the sale.
- Oh, yeah?
- [Brad] Mm-hmm.
Good for her.
[Gordy] "Good for her"?
She desecrated the corpse of her husband
and framed you for murder.
Did she? Who can remember?
[Brad] Well, she knew what she was doing
when she sold Bisbee.
She probably split, what,
a million dollars
in commission with the listing agent?
God. She tries to send Coop away
for life, now she's making six figures.
That's America for you.
[Brad] Yeah.
I thought your guy was
trying to make it great again.
[all laughing, clamoring]
Hey, hey, hey. No politics at the club.
Oh, is that a rule now?
We are witnessing a spectacular
performance by the league's heir apparent.
Dare I say, LeBron and Steph who?
Calm down, Greeny.
- Please calm down.
- Yeah, Mike. Come on, man.
Let's see him do what the King's been
doing consistently for 20-plus years.
I don't know.
I've never seen him do a Sombor Shuffle.
Okay. Then how about, uh,
play defense like my guy, Kawhi?
Oh, that's your guy now?
Yeah, that's my guy. [laughs]
We're both Spurs legends
- with the hardware to prove it.
- Since when do you watch sports?
Oh, it's Nick's second week on air.
I'm just checking in.
Uh, let's do the math on this thing.
- Don't forget to carry the one.
- No, you're not.
- [Nick] It was one season of overlap.
- No, I'm not.
Hmm. Mm-mmm.
[chuckles]
[both moaning]
[Barney panting]
Um, something wrong?
Nothing. Just keep
doing what you're doing.
- [kisses]
- [Grace] Um…
There's nothing
really going on down there.
[Barney breathes heavily, sighs]
Okay.
Oh, Jesus.
Okay, uh, it's okay, Barney.
Hey. Hey, what is it?
Talk to me.
Do you need me to do something different?
Yes, actually. [pants]
I want you to not set up meetings
with your father, okay?
I keep seeing his smug,
condescending face.
It makes it hard to
have sex with his daughter.
[stammers] I was just trying to help.
And since you asked,
less pressure on the balls, okay?
A little goes a long way down there.
Goddamn it.
[Ali] I remember
I remember
Don't worry, worry ♪
How could I ever forget? ♪
It was the first time ♪
[tapping foot rhythmically]
The last time that we ever met ♪
Oh, and I know the reason why
You keep this silence up ♪
Up, up ♪
No, you don't fool me ♪
'Cause the hurt doesn't show
But the pain still grows ♪
It's no stranger to you and me ♪
I'd been feeling a little bit off,
but then when he tried to, you know…
- Yeah?
- Get in there.
That's when I knew.
Oh. Menopause.
Yeah.
[clicks tongue, inhales sharply] Oh.
Keep this in your purse.
Especially if you're gonna keep
hooking up with random guys in cars.
I don't understand.
You just carry lube around with you?
Um, yeah, you gotta be prepared.
And on my meds, it's just…
It makes it, like,
drier than Death Valley down there.
Um, as much as I'd like to hear
more about that,
I texted you because one of
the music teachers from Mayfield
got a touring gig and is leaving
for the rest of the semester,
and they need a replacement.
Oh, I'm not a teacher.
Yeah, you're a professional musician,
which is even better.
No, I don't know.
'Cause on my best day, it's like…
You wouldn't necessarily
call me Mayfield material.
And that is not a bad thing. 'Cause ew.
You said you wanted more independence.
Speaking as a therapist…
An unemployed therapist.
- By choice.
- Really?
I'm actually writing a book.
Oh. What's it about?
No, don't try to do that.
We're talking about you and independence,
which requires confidence.
And confidence comes from activation.
[Ali] Mmm.
You're doing so great.
You're staying on your meds,
you're-you're regulated,
you're showing up to work.
[exhales deeply]
Don't you think you're
ready for a new challenge?
Besides, you're-you're
never gonna get your own place
based on what they pay you here.
Well, I thought I would just marry rich,
you know, like everyone else does.
Yeah, that's a much better idea.
Just do me a favor and don't mention
the perimenopause thing to Coop.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
No, I know.
I just feel like
I'm getting older and he's just
getting better and better looking.
Hey, Barney. It's Coop. Again.
Thought maybe I'd run into you
at the club, but no dice.
Give me a call. We should probably talk.
[Ali] Yes, that sounds great.
Yeah, and I just wanna make sure
you're aware
that I have no formal teaching experience.
Oh, you have? Oh, that's nice.
Yeah, I play there four nights a week.
[chuckles] Yeah, great.
Yes, I will be there.
Okay. Bye. [chuckles]
What was all that about?
That was about me being a music teacher.
Guitar lessons?
No. They're looking for an interim teacher
at Mayfield till the end of the year.
Mayfield? You've never taught before.
That's what I said.
But Mel already went
to the head of school,
and apparently she's seen
me perform at The Tap, so…
I got an interview.
Wow, that's great.
You look nice. Where you going?
Got a hot date?
No. Party.
Ooh. Anyone I know?
No. In fact, no one I know.
Do you wanna come?
Mmm. Can I wear this?
- No.
- Then no.
- Are you sure?
- Yes. Hard pass.
One of us is gonna regret it.
Well, probably you.
No, it's probably gonna be you.
Well, no, it's gonna be you.
[Coop] Mostly you. Bye.
Bye! [chuckles]
It's gonna be you.
[big band music playing]
[Maggie] This place is incredible.
I mean,
the juxtapositions are really thoughtful.
The plaster, the flooring, the fixtures,
it's all the original masonry.
[Diane] How you doing?
[chuckles] Hi, hi, hi.
So has anyone seen
our host for the evening?
Dying to meet him.
[Suzanne] He's gonna be bald and ugly.
[chuckles] You saw him?
No, but he's gotta be
compensating for something.
[Kat] Yeah, having too much money.
[friends chuckle]
[friend]
Mel, has Tori heard from Princeton yet?
- Any day now.
- [friend] That must be so nerve-wracking.
You have no idea.
[Grace] What about Chelsea, Jules?
Uh, Chelsea went
with early decision at Duke.
- Oh.
- Oh.
It's not what Brad and I would've chosen,
but they have a great tennis team,
and it's what Chelsea wanted.
- [Grace] Mmm.
- Mmm. That's good.
- Wait, is that him?
- Lovely to meet you. Enjoy yourselves.
- Plenty of bars.
- Wow. Thank you.
- Oh, hey. How's it going?
- That's him.
You were right, Suze.
He's really ugly, isn't he? [chuckles]
I wouldn't kick him out of bed
for eating crackers.
That's not what he'd be eating in my bed.
- [friends laugh]
- [Maggie] Oh, yeah, get it.
I bet he has a very small dick.
[Grace] Absolutely.
Ladies! Welcome.
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Owen Ashe. My friends just call me Ashe.
Thank you for coming.
Your house is stunning.
Oh, thank you.
It has to be
to compensate for my very small dick.
[friends chuckling]
Right?
[laughing]
Oops.
That was…
- Sorry.
- Yeah, that's… No worries.
- Uh-huh.
- Ah, okay, okay. What's your name?
- Kat Resnick.
- [Ashe] Kat, very nice to meet you.
Uh, excuse me. Enjoy yourselves, please.
I'm really looking forward
to getting to know all of you.
Sam! You made it.
The place looks great.
Uh, how did you do all this so fast?
How did I do all this? I have a team.
- Of course you do.
- Come on, let's get you a drink.
Oh, thanks, but I just wanted to stop by
and congratulate you.
I'm not staying.
What? What do you mean you're
not staying? Of course you're staying.
You're my only friend in Westmont Village.
You can't leave me with all these people.
Come on.
[stammers] These people will love you,
but I just don't have it in me
to deal with all
the withering mean girl stares tonight.
Oh, they don't love you.
Mmm. I burned some bridges.
Well, take it from someone who's elevated
bridge burning to an art form,
there's always another way across.
- Come on, one drink.
- No. Yeah, I'm-I'm gonna go.
Are you sure?
No.
[chuckles, inhales sharply]
- [valet attendant] Door.
- Thank you.
- Oh, God. Sorry.
- [Samantha] Sorry.
Oh. Hi.
Don't worry, I'm leaving.
I wasn't worried.
Imagine my relief.
[Grace] You haven't said anything
about the meeting with my father.
The man just
cannot hide his disappointment.
In you?
In you. For marrying me.
[chuckles] No, that's just his face.
Did he get into any specifics?
[sighs] Why are you pushing this so hard?
No reason. No reason.
Um, but also… [inhales deeply]
…in completely unrelated news,
I'm pregnant.
You…
Um…
[stammers] Are you sure it's…
[stammers] It's mine, right? I…
[breathes shakily]
[stammering] Does it, uh…
Does it feel like a boy?
[Grace chuckles]
Oh, get me the fuck away from this fish.
- I can't, I can't. [groans]
- [stammers] Okay.
[chuckles]
[party music playing]
- [Diane] Whoa.
- [friend] Hey. [chuckles]
- Hi, guys.
- You think that what?
Can I borrow her for a second?
- Sorry. Yeah, just…
- Uh-oh.
- [friend] Good luck.
- [Mel] Hi.
[Coop] Uh… Question, um…
Why didn't you tell me
about this teaching thing at Mayfield?
You're not a musician.
Ali is not good
with that kind of schedule.
How do you know?
She's been doing great, hasn't she?
Yes, and I would like her
to keep doing great.
She's not a child, Coop.
She's a 40-year-old woman
who'd like to do something with her life.
She's gonna screw this up.
Maybe. And maybe you have to let her.
[sighs] You should've come to me first.
Stop trying to parent her.
Just be her brother.
Thank you for that
completely unsolicited piece of advice.
Jesus.
Okay. Wow.
Well, she seemed delightful.
To everyone else but me.
Owen Ashe, I presume.
- Oh, Ashe, please.
- Wow, uh, nice to meet…
Uh, Andrew Cooper. Coop.
Coop. Ah, your reputation precedes you.
Wow. Well,
I suppose that's my cross to bear.
Cross to bear? Oh, hey, take it from me,
it's those experiences,
the ones that challenge you,
and threaten you,
and… [inhales sharply] …humiliate you
that ultimately make your life
worth living.
Otherwise we'd all medicate ourselves
into bored oblivion
until there's no reason to get
our catatonic asses out of bed anymore.
[chuckles] Hey,
you were arrested for murder.
I mean, how many people can claim that?
- Most murderers.
- [chuckling] Right.
So is there a Mrs. Ashe
I should be saying thank you to?
Uh, no. No.
Ah. Divorced?
Widowed.
Jesus. I'm so sorry.
- No. Thank you, thank you.
- Oh, God…
It's been eight years
and I miss her every day.
But I'll tell you something, that woman,
she taught me how to live.
Huh. Well… [stammers] …what is it you,
uh, do for a living?
I'm in import/export.
Freight consolidation.
What about you?
I assume you're in some kind of finance.
Yeah. I run a-a small, uh, family office.
That's suitably vague.
Kind of like import/export.
[chuckles]
Hey, you're empty. We can't have that.
Can we get two whiskeys here, please?
Good stuff.
Thank you, thank you.
I've seen that look.
- You have? Oh, so you got one?
- Oh, yeah. I got one of those.
- Yeah, that's a tough one.
- [Coop] At least it gets worse.
[Ashe] Something to look forward to.
[guests chattering]
[Ashe] You gotta let me geek out for a
second. I used to love watching you play.
- Your form… Listen…
- [Nick] No.
…every line, every movement,
your shot was a fucking thing of beauty.
- Aw, thanks, man. I appreciate it.
- [Ashe] It was.
And I joined your gym, by the way.
You got a great thing going on there.
I love the vibe. It's a great package.
Are you opening more?
Oh, we just closed on the financing
for two new locations.
Two new locations?
You gotta be thinking bigger than that.
Look, if you don't mind me saying,
you're having a moment right now.
You're a beloved athlete.
You're on television.
I saw the new segment, "Off Brandes."
It's fucking great. You're gonna blow up.
As for the gym, I mean, fuck the banks.
You don't wanna have to deal with
those shitty covenants. I'd invest in you.
In your brand. We could be opening
40 strong-ass gyms by next year.
I'll get you up to 250
the year after that.
- Shit. [chuckles]
- [Ashe] Yeah.
- What, am I going too fast?
- A little bit.
- It's okay.
- [stammers] Oh, okay, okay.
I get carried away. I get excited.
- You're gonna have to stop me. Listen.
- I'm here for it, though. I like it.
I know how to do this.
I have the resources.
If you wanna go national,
just give me a call.
I'd love to get involved.
Hey, man, I'm always open to
a new business opportunity.
Oh, I know it. Go check out my bathrooms.
I got 15 toilets in this place,
and they're all your Luxos MTs.
- Stop it. [laughing]
- Every one of them.
Hey, a man after my own heart.
[stammers] That's great timing
actually because, uh, nature's calling.
[Ashe] Oh. Ooh, ooh.
To more strong-ass gyms.
To more. Many more. More than two.
- Come on, come on. Go big.
- [Nick] Yeah.
- [chuckles] I'm going big.
- [chuckles]
- We haven't officially met.
- Hey.
Barney Choi, I manage Nick's money,
as well as a handful
of other high net worth people out here.
Happy to help with
anything you might need.
Hey, great. Always one-stop shopping
around here. I love it.
- Barney, is it?
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah, well, give me a little time
to get my bearings,
and you and I should have dinner.
I've been looking for
some new opportunities.
- I'm your man.
- Great.
- [guests cheering]
- [energetic song on violin]
[cheering continues]
[DJ] Go ahead
Go ahead
Go ahead
Go rock back ♪
Get that
Go ahead ♪
Go ahead, now
Baby, go ahead ♪
You got it
You got it ♪
Go ahead
That's it ♪
You got it
Go ahead ♪
[mix playing]
Go ahead
Go ahead ♪
Right
Gotta dance with her ass out ♪
From the front to the back, now ♪
From the side to the side, now ♪
To the other side
Rock now ♪
Out of breath
Real quick now ♪
[mix playing]
[music continues]
[laughs]
Hey. Where's Lisa tonight?
Oh, you know, she's, uh,
taking selfies in Milan, or Paris, or…
- [mutters]
- Still?
Yeah. Turns out fashion week
is not actually a week.
Hey, sweetheart,
can you please get me another cocktail?
Or maybe it's time we called it a night.
Gordy, you get me another drink.
[Gordy] Oh, I'm not getting involved.
Fine. I will get it myself.
[stammers] Diane, come on.
- [Diane] Okay. No. No!
- Let's get you home.
- [screams]
- [Peter] Diane…
[guests murmuring]
[panting]
[chuckles]
There comes a moment at every soiree
when it falls upon the host
to decide if the night has ended…
or if it's just beginning.
- [shouts]
- [guests clamoring]
[guests cheering]
Everybody in!
Yeah!
Turn up the music!
[cheering continues]
What is going on?
Thought we were fighting.
We're not fighting.
But if we were fighting, you would…
- No, Coop. No, Coop.
- …you would lose.
- No! No!
- [laughs] Yes.
- Coop, you're gonna… [screams]
- Bye.
[exclaiming]
[guests shout, cheer]
[party music continues]
[cheering continues]
[house music playing in distance]
You've been avoiding me.
It was a lot to process.
[chuckles] Yeah.
Why didn't you take
your job at Bailey back?
The truth is, I don't really know.
[stammers] I… I accepted the offer,
and I'm pretty sure
I meant it when I said it.
But something happened to me
when I walked outta that building.
[stammers] I-I just thought
that if I took that offer,
then everything would go right back
to the way it was.
That I would go right back
to the way I was.
And you didn't like the way it was?
I thought I did.
Turns out I didn't.
Well, this all sounds very existential.
I don't know if it's profound
or you're just swallowing
your own bullshit,
but either way…
I want in.
What? Why?
'Cause fuck my father-in-law.
Uh, okay.
Grace is pregnant. [sighs]
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Congratulations.
Barney getting involved
was a terrible idea.
But that night,
as we sat in our drenched clothing,
happily wasted
on a stranger's top-shelf booze,
watching our friends and neighbors party
like they were living
in an F. Scott Fitzgerald fever dream.
For the first time in a while,
the future seemed, well, promising.
And maybe it was
the painkillers mixing with the booze,
or maybe it was sheer stupidity,
but in that moment,
I was just drunk enough to believe it.
["Burning Down the House" playing]