Adventure Time: Fionna & Cake (2023) s02e02 Episode Script
The Crocodile Who Bit a Log
1
[whack]
[effort grunts, panting]
[grunting]
[Spirit Dream Warrior] Hey-oh.
Again.
[whack]
[straining]
[gnawing]
[applauds]
Huntress, you ran
those first rites like a pro.
If you still seek power,
the tooth must bite.
[grunts]
Dang. You didn't even blink.
On to the heart.
When you came to me years ago,
I promised to lead you
down the path,
the path you needed.
[Huntress] Mm.
Oh, wait a minute.
We're this way.
Whoa.
Get back, ya nasty.
Green Wizards only.
Oh, Spirit Dream Warrior.
Hmm
Another one?
Our order doesn't
need any more strays.
Relax, Witch Wizard.
I wouldn't bring you a scrub.
She's paid her dues. Go on.
Fine.
[crackles]
[wizards chanting]
One with the heart.
Keep its mysteries on lock.
Green Wizards only.
Well, looks like
you're one of us now.
No, I'm on my own.
[opening theme music playing]
[metallic clunks]
[groans]
Get ready.
Uh, Fi, should we
be doing it this way?
Maybe we can look up
squatters' rights or something.
Come on, Cake.
[grunts]
[straining]
[rattling]
Be sure to get
my mixer and spatulas.
Oh, and don't forget
my sprinkles.
I meant the silver jimmies.
This mixer is like his child.
Cool.
[gasps]
[objects clattering]
[light switch clicks]
I think Queenie's up.
We can take her.
[grunts]
[man] Put that crockery back.
Come get rolled.
-You!
-Hey hey, hey, hey.
Let's just be civil.
I'm not taking orders
from no cat.
[growls]
[screams]
Shoot! My glasses.
Hey.
Kheirosiphon?
Why are you helping Queenie?
[blows]
Yeah, we technically freed you.
Sorry. I got laid off
from the tea shop.
I need the money.
Yeah, I get it, man.
Jobs are a farce.
Now, scram!
[yells]
[screams]
Not cool!
Come on! Come on!
[grunts]
Go! Go!
And stay out!
[groans] What's my life
Witch Wizard.
Still on guard duty.
Huntress Wizard.
What's up? That a new top?
No.
Yeah. No, it is.
It is, actually.
Why have you come
to this hallowed place?
Uh
I was just in the local area,
communing with branches.
How have you been doing?
[hisses]
Whoa, bro. What the fig!
Look, I'm only gonna
take a little.
[gasps] Heresy.
He needs it, my friend.
[laughing]
The blood loaf
that choked me out.
You've told him our secret!
Traitor.
[screams] Traitor!
I told Finn about this place
specifically so
he would stay away.
He deserves to die.
[heart thumping]
[panting]
[explosion]
[growling]
Got you!
[laughs]
Quit it!
[grunts]
-[swish]
-[grunts]
[growls]
Huh?
-[straining]
-[teeth shattering]
[cries]
My teeth.
[grunts]
[straining]
I know what I'm doing, Witch.
No, no!
Stay away from the heart.
It's forbidden.
Something catastrophic
could happen.
Like what?
Uh, something dirty.
[inhales]
For Finn.
[gasps] No!
[sighs in relief]
-[pouring]
-[gasps]
[straining]
Oh, no.
[earth trembling]
[birds cawing]
I told you!
[panting]
[bellows]
I didn't know.
[bellowing continues]
[panting]
What's happening?
[grunts]
Why didn't you listen?
[Blade Wizard] The hell?
Witch Wizard,
what goes on here?
[shudders]
[gasps] The source!
She did this.
I I didn't mean to.
Seize her.
Huh?
You've doomed us all.
-[screams]
-Kill her!
[pops lips]
We'll have to go analog.
-[wick hisses]
-[grunts]
[explosion]
[grunting]
[explosions]
Whoa! [grunts]
What?
[Huntress] Witch Wizard!
No.
Finn!
-[straining]
-[wick hissing]
Huh?
[explosion]
Well, it finally happened.
I lost the bar.
[cries]
[audience laughing]
[glass breaking]
So no tab then?
[Norm cries]
Frasier, the took Cheers.
[Frasier] Heavens!
That's terrible.
[groans] Piece of junk.
[Frasier] Let me
buy you a drink, Sam.
[Sam] It's my bar.
[audience laughing]
[Cliff] Was your bar.
Since when did greyhounds
have onions in them?
She's still sore
about when I worked here.
-[munching]
-[Ruby] Sore?
You broke
all my top shelf liquor
doing your stupid routines.
It's called flair.
Check it.
[gulping]
[glass breaking]
I'll pay for that.
[grumbling]
Sorry, Cakey.
Haven't I been
embarrassed enough?
-Does it hurt?
-[scoffs] Nah.
And now that I know
we're dealing with firepower,
I can put him out.
[straining]
Ruby, you got any oven mitts
or foil I can wrap myself in?
Cake, he's a fire god.
I don't want you
to get hurt again.
[sighs] Okay.
I still think
I can take him, though.
Don't pet-ronize me.
I'm a grown woman.
[chuckles]
[Gary sighs]
I'm really sorry
I suggested the spot.
I thought it was abandoned.
I mean, technically,
we did squat there.
Yeah, but the whole concept
of ownership is jacked.
[phone vibrating]
[groans] Where am I
gonna live now?
You could always,
you know, stay at my place.
Oh. Um
Really?
Aw, you angels.
But what about
your bakery dreams?
[sighs] Queenie won
this one, Fionna.
[Cliff] Aw, don't let him
get you down, Sam.
Not yet.
Cheers can come back
bigger and crazier than ever.
You can do it.
[Norm] You can do it, Sam.
[Frasier] Save Cheers.
[Cliff] Eh, we gotta
drink somewhere.
Cliff is right. Cheers Uh
We just got to come back
bigger and crazier than ever.
-Unstoppable.
-[glass shattering]
[Ruby grumbling]
[Kirin] Oh, how about a leech?
Like a giant,
magical, healing leech?
You know,
to suck out all the poison.
What? No, no.
That doesn't exist.
Look for any mentions
of "The Heart of the Forest."
Check the ancient texts,
the new stuff, the joke books.
Yes. He seems to be under
a powerful enchantment.
[Princess Bubblegum]
What does Huntress Wizard say?
She didn't. I don't know
when Huntress is coming back.
Hmm, no mention of a heart,
but check it.
Distendo!
[pops]
[Simon] Pep.
Give him some space, students.
Oh, Finn.
It's going to be all right.
I'm at my wit's end.
Don't worry, Simon.
I've sent help.
-[Banana Guard 1 mimics siren]
-[engine rumbling]
[crashes]
[grunts]
Another ambulance, please.
[groans]
[ground trembling]
Huh?
[Fionna] Kheiro!
I'm here
to take back what's ours.
[babbles]
[Peptank] You're toast, sucker.
[laughs] Yeah. Okay.
[growls]
For a deity,
he kind of stuck up.
Peptank, take aim.
No. No, no, no.
Don't blow up my van.
[Peptank] You guys gotta
make up your mind.
You're wasting
a perfectly good tank.
Hmm. Hey, look.
Look at the sign.
You want me
to blow up the sign?
Yes.
Or no, I have a better idea.
Let's buy this place.
Well, yeah.
All of us together?
That could be cool.
-Math
-[wind blowing]
I'll save you, Sweet Spot.
Tank, back it up.
I thought you brought me here
to level the place.
Yeah. That was
a bad plan, I guess.
[Cake] Mm-hmm.
Well, you still got to hold up
your end of the deal.
Yeah, yeah.
[hazard beeping]
[Finn] Huntress.
I'm thinking about dying soon.
Bummer.
You're gonna forget
all about me.
Never.
Never.
Oh, fig.
Huh?
Where the crud?
[gasps]
Whoa, whoa!
Hmm.
[screams]
[grunts]
[munching]
Yep, I'm on
Babyworld Finn duty tonight.
Nah, Peptank's got a thing.
[party music playing]
Listen, you're super old.
You've probably bought
a bunch of property, right?
Well, you know, the market
was always so crazy and
Stop that.
Was I supposed to be
saving money this whole time?
What the heck is an APR?
[groans] How was I
supposed to know any of this?
[Simon] Put that away.
Are you out?
What's all that noise?
No. What are you doing?
I gotta get the boba
out of his neck.
That's his Adam's apple.
Oh. You're a good doctor.
[mimicking ambulance siren]
[thunder rumbling]
[light flickering]
Huh?
[phone line ringing]
[sonar popping]
[man screaming]
[cars honking]
Hello.
[wailing]
[screaming]
[straining]
[panting]
[The Voice]
You all right up there?
Huh?
Oh, a visitor.
[zaps]
Who's there?
[grunts]
This place is crazy.
[screams]
I have to get back to Ooo.
[The Voice] You wish to leave
this place, little homey?
Yes.
[The Voice] You just
gotta choose
which direction
you want to grow.
Choose.
[growling]
[Simon] I'm in the ambulance
with Finn.
There.
[Fionna] Simon!
Simon, seriously.
What's going on?
[Simon sighs]
I'm in the ambulance with Finn.
Oh, no.
Is it bad?
Fionna, Finn's gonna be fine.
He's got a lot of people
pulling for him.
But what if people
pulling for him doesn't matter?
What if they give up on him?
-We won't. I promise.
-[defibrillator charging]
[Banana Guard] Clear.
-[Banana Guard screams]
-[phone call ends]
[straining]
Hey, no!
[sighs]
You got to pay attention, baby.
That's no way to live.
[blows raspberry]
Look, no one
taught you anything.
And that's not your fault.
You're trying your best.
But if you don't
pull it together,
everyone's gonna leave you.
Now eat your waffle dog.
[Baby Finn] Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm.
It's good, I swear.
I hope you don't eat it.
Then it's all mine.
What? You're insulted
by reverse psychology?
Baby's too smart.
[mimicking ambulance siren]
[closing theme music playing]
[whack]
[effort grunts, panting]
[grunting]
[Spirit Dream Warrior] Hey-oh.
Again.
[whack]
[straining]
[gnawing]
[applauds]
Huntress, you ran
those first rites like a pro.
If you still seek power,
the tooth must bite.
[grunts]
Dang. You didn't even blink.
On to the heart.
When you came to me years ago,
I promised to lead you
down the path,
the path you needed.
[Huntress] Mm.
Oh, wait a minute.
We're this way.
Whoa.
Get back, ya nasty.
Green Wizards only.
Oh, Spirit Dream Warrior.
Hmm
Another one?
Our order doesn't
need any more strays.
Relax, Witch Wizard.
I wouldn't bring you a scrub.
She's paid her dues. Go on.
Fine.
[crackles]
[wizards chanting]
One with the heart.
Keep its mysteries on lock.
Green Wizards only.
Well, looks like
you're one of us now.
No, I'm on my own.
[opening theme music playing]
[metallic clunks]
[groans]
Get ready.
Uh, Fi, should we
be doing it this way?
Maybe we can look up
squatters' rights or something.
Come on, Cake.
[grunts]
[straining]
[rattling]
Be sure to get
my mixer and spatulas.
Oh, and don't forget
my sprinkles.
I meant the silver jimmies.
This mixer is like his child.
Cool.
[gasps]
[objects clattering]
[light switch clicks]
I think Queenie's up.
We can take her.
[grunts]
[man] Put that crockery back.
Come get rolled.
-You!
-Hey hey, hey, hey.
Let's just be civil.
I'm not taking orders
from no cat.
[growls]
[screams]
Shoot! My glasses.
Hey.
Kheirosiphon?
Why are you helping Queenie?
[blows]
Yeah, we technically freed you.
Sorry. I got laid off
from the tea shop.
I need the money.
Yeah, I get it, man.
Jobs are a farce.
Now, scram!
[yells]
[screams]
Not cool!
Come on! Come on!
[grunts]
Go! Go!
And stay out!
[groans] What's my life
Witch Wizard.
Still on guard duty.
Huntress Wizard.
What's up? That a new top?
No.
Yeah. No, it is.
It is, actually.
Why have you come
to this hallowed place?
Uh
I was just in the local area,
communing with branches.
How have you been doing?
[hisses]
Whoa, bro. What the fig!
Look, I'm only gonna
take a little.
[gasps] Heresy.
He needs it, my friend.
[laughing]
The blood loaf
that choked me out.
You've told him our secret!
Traitor.
[screams] Traitor!
I told Finn about this place
specifically so
he would stay away.
He deserves to die.
[heart thumping]
[panting]
[explosion]
[growling]
Got you!
[laughs]
Quit it!
[grunts]
-[swish]
-[grunts]
[growls]
Huh?
-[straining]
-[teeth shattering]
[cries]
My teeth.
[grunts]
[straining]
I know what I'm doing, Witch.
No, no!
Stay away from the heart.
It's forbidden.
Something catastrophic
could happen.
Like what?
Uh, something dirty.
[inhales]
For Finn.
[gasps] No!
[sighs in relief]
-[pouring]
-[gasps]
[straining]
Oh, no.
[earth trembling]
[birds cawing]
I told you!
[panting]
[bellows]
I didn't know.
[bellowing continues]
[panting]
What's happening?
[grunts]
Why didn't you listen?
[Blade Wizard] The hell?
Witch Wizard,
what goes on here?
[shudders]
[gasps] The source!
She did this.
I I didn't mean to.
Seize her.
Huh?
You've doomed us all.
-[screams]
-Kill her!
[pops lips]
We'll have to go analog.
-[wick hisses]
-[grunts]
[explosion]
[grunting]
[explosions]
Whoa! [grunts]
What?
[Huntress] Witch Wizard!
No.
Finn!
-[straining]
-[wick hissing]
Huh?
[explosion]
Well, it finally happened.
I lost the bar.
[cries]
[audience laughing]
[glass breaking]
So no tab then?
[Norm cries]
Frasier, the took Cheers.
[Frasier] Heavens!
That's terrible.
[groans] Piece of junk.
[Frasier] Let me
buy you a drink, Sam.
[Sam] It's my bar.
[audience laughing]
[Cliff] Was your bar.
Since when did greyhounds
have onions in them?
She's still sore
about when I worked here.
-[munching]
-[Ruby] Sore?
You broke
all my top shelf liquor
doing your stupid routines.
It's called flair.
Check it.
[gulping]
[glass breaking]
I'll pay for that.
[grumbling]
Sorry, Cakey.
Haven't I been
embarrassed enough?
-Does it hurt?
-[scoffs] Nah.
And now that I know
we're dealing with firepower,
I can put him out.
[straining]
Ruby, you got any oven mitts
or foil I can wrap myself in?
Cake, he's a fire god.
I don't want you
to get hurt again.
[sighs] Okay.
I still think
I can take him, though.
Don't pet-ronize me.
I'm a grown woman.
[chuckles]
[Gary sighs]
I'm really sorry
I suggested the spot.
I thought it was abandoned.
I mean, technically,
we did squat there.
Yeah, but the whole concept
of ownership is jacked.
[phone vibrating]
[groans] Where am I
gonna live now?
You could always,
you know, stay at my place.
Oh. Um
Really?
Aw, you angels.
But what about
your bakery dreams?
[sighs] Queenie won
this one, Fionna.
[Cliff] Aw, don't let him
get you down, Sam.
Not yet.
Cheers can come back
bigger and crazier than ever.
You can do it.
[Norm] You can do it, Sam.
[Frasier] Save Cheers.
[Cliff] Eh, we gotta
drink somewhere.
Cliff is right. Cheers Uh
We just got to come back
bigger and crazier than ever.
-Unstoppable.
-[glass shattering]
[Ruby grumbling]
[Kirin] Oh, how about a leech?
Like a giant,
magical, healing leech?
You know,
to suck out all the poison.
What? No, no.
That doesn't exist.
Look for any mentions
of "The Heart of the Forest."
Check the ancient texts,
the new stuff, the joke books.
Yes. He seems to be under
a powerful enchantment.
[Princess Bubblegum]
What does Huntress Wizard say?
She didn't. I don't know
when Huntress is coming back.
Hmm, no mention of a heart,
but check it.
Distendo!
[pops]
[Simon] Pep.
Give him some space, students.
Oh, Finn.
It's going to be all right.
I'm at my wit's end.
Don't worry, Simon.
I've sent help.
-[Banana Guard 1 mimics siren]
-[engine rumbling]
[crashes]
[grunts]
Another ambulance, please.
[groans]
[ground trembling]
Huh?
[Fionna] Kheiro!
I'm here
to take back what's ours.
[babbles]
[Peptank] You're toast, sucker.
[laughs] Yeah. Okay.
[growls]
For a deity,
he kind of stuck up.
Peptank, take aim.
No. No, no, no.
Don't blow up my van.
[Peptank] You guys gotta
make up your mind.
You're wasting
a perfectly good tank.
Hmm. Hey, look.
Look at the sign.
You want me
to blow up the sign?
Yes.
Or no, I have a better idea.
Let's buy this place.
Well, yeah.
All of us together?
That could be cool.
-Math
-[wind blowing]
I'll save you, Sweet Spot.
Tank, back it up.
I thought you brought me here
to level the place.
Yeah. That was
a bad plan, I guess.
[Cake] Mm-hmm.
Well, you still got to hold up
your end of the deal.
Yeah, yeah.
[hazard beeping]
[Finn] Huntress.
I'm thinking about dying soon.
Bummer.
You're gonna forget
all about me.
Never.
Never.
Oh, fig.
Huh?
Where the crud?
[gasps]
Whoa, whoa!
Hmm.
[screams]
[grunts]
[munching]
Yep, I'm on
Babyworld Finn duty tonight.
Nah, Peptank's got a thing.
[party music playing]
Listen, you're super old.
You've probably bought
a bunch of property, right?
Well, you know, the market
was always so crazy and
Stop that.
Was I supposed to be
saving money this whole time?
What the heck is an APR?
[groans] How was I
supposed to know any of this?
[Simon] Put that away.
Are you out?
What's all that noise?
No. What are you doing?
I gotta get the boba
out of his neck.
That's his Adam's apple.
Oh. You're a good doctor.
[mimicking ambulance siren]
[thunder rumbling]
[light flickering]
Huh?
[phone line ringing]
[sonar popping]
[man screaming]
[cars honking]
Hello.
[wailing]
[screaming]
[straining]
[panting]
[The Voice]
You all right up there?
Huh?
Oh, a visitor.
[zaps]
Who's there?
[grunts]
This place is crazy.
[screams]
I have to get back to Ooo.
[The Voice] You wish to leave
this place, little homey?
Yes.
[The Voice] You just
gotta choose
which direction
you want to grow.
Choose.
[growling]
[Simon] I'm in the ambulance
with Finn.
There.
[Fionna] Simon!
Simon, seriously.
What's going on?
[Simon sighs]
I'm in the ambulance with Finn.
Oh, no.
Is it bad?
Fionna, Finn's gonna be fine.
He's got a lot of people
pulling for him.
But what if people
pulling for him doesn't matter?
What if they give up on him?
-We won't. I promise.
-[defibrillator charging]
[Banana Guard] Clear.
-[Banana Guard screams]
-[phone call ends]
[straining]
Hey, no!
[sighs]
You got to pay attention, baby.
That's no way to live.
[blows raspberry]
Look, no one
taught you anything.
And that's not your fault.
You're trying your best.
But if you don't
pull it together,
everyone's gonna leave you.
Now eat your waffle dog.
[Baby Finn] Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm.
It's good, I swear.
I hope you don't eat it.
Then it's all mine.
What? You're insulted
by reverse psychology?
Baby's too smart.
[mimicking ambulance siren]
[closing theme music playing]