Deadloch (2023) s02e02 Episode Script
None Of Your Business
1
Does Barra Creek get many body parts
lodged inside dead reptiles?
Blunt has made the wrong ID
on that arm, I can feel it.
I think we've got a John Doe on our hands.
That's not a croc bite.
That's been chopped off.
Now we're looking for a
missing person and a fuckin' killer!
- We?
- Yes, yes, fuckin' yes.
If I can identify the croc from the river,
then we find our killer.
The Darrells' pet croc, King,
is still alive,
so I've got one more place to check out.
- What are you doing here?
- It's dead.
Triple Pet!
The best croc in the Territory.
He must have been who was dead
in the river.
- [GUNSHOT]
- Fuck! Get down, get down!
No, he's not going to shoot us.
He's my fuckin' dad.
[DJ] Is that your cock and balls
on my dad's face?
Respect my dad!
He's the king of the river!
- Dad!
- [ALL SCREAM AND SOB]
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
- [NIGHT BIRDS CALL]
- [ENGINE PUTTERS]
[EDDIE] Nah. We got more chance of
finding a shit with wings
than more of Don Darrell's body tonight.
Some croc's probably
tucked him away like a
drag queen's dick by now.
Or I'd say he's been eaten already.
What?
What?
Were you ever going to tell me
that your dad lives in Barra Creek?
Ugh! Here we go.
Well, you specifically said that
you have no family here, Eddie.
Yeah, because I thought he was in jail.
[DULCIE] Well, feel free to
tell me about your hometown
while we are investigating
a case in your hometown
so I don't make a complete git of myself.
Well, you're doing a pretty good job
of that yourself by now.
Oh, the glasses are for motion sickness!
Mate, who cares
who kept what from who, okay?
We're trying to solve
a high-profile murder here.
Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying.
So, tomorrow morning,
we hit the ground running,
get his autopsy report
and we fingerprint his cage.
What? Whose cage?
Triple Pet, my crocodile!
Eddie, we are investigating a homicide.
This is a fuckin' homicide!
"Hom" means "human".
Right! Now I'd like to say
a few words about Triple Pet,
my crocodile brother.
- Please don't. Please, no.
- Triple Pet, you loved eating.
Um, specifically pets.
Three of them, to be exact.
And I know we had our challenges.
I accidentally shot off
three of your scutes with a slug gun
and you tried to eat me a lot.
But you were my best mate.
And I solemnly vow to find your killer
and avenge your death
and so does Collins.
- No, I don't.
- And now for your favourite song.
- Oh Christ Eddie, it is 4am
- Cracklin' Rose ♪
you're a store-bought woman ♪
You make me sing like a guitar hummin' ♪
- [GROANS]
- So hang on to me, girl ♪
Our song keeps playin' on ♪
- Play it now, play it now ♪
- Please stop moving your bottom!
- Play it now, my baby ♪
- It's jiggling the boat, Eddie!
[THEME SONG PLAYS]
- [BIRDS SING]
- [GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS]
Now, that was a silly brawl last night.
- [MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
- Hey Yeah.
And Don's death is no excuse
for you to kick off again now.
Let's get this road on the show,
shall we?
Wait, wait, wait.
What's with this get up?
You look like a beachy mortician.
You need to get
involved with this, mate!
100% petroleum, moisture-wicking,
hammerhead shark on the back.
Okay, yep. Wowee. Yep.
Not as good as Bushy's shirt though.
Oh, mate! If you'd have seen that one!
Fuckin' bull croc on the front,
helicopter on the back,
- double the action, you know?
- I don't.
So, any word on Don's autopsy?
Uh, no. Apparently forensics are busy.
But we'll head to Darwin
once the autopsy's confirmed.
- Okay, when do we meet our team?
- Uh, there is no team!
All personnel have been diverted to
Taskforce Hammare
for the backpacker case.
- My loves!
- Hi.
I bought us new drink bottles.
I've taped the "What colour is your"
"piss?" dehydration guide on the side.
- Oh, love. Thank you.
- Yeah, good on you, Cath.
Eddie, I'm so glad you're here
reconnecting with your dad.
- No, I'm not.
- Such a beautiful experience.
- No, it's not.
- Thank you for letting us be part of it.
- No, Cath, no.
- [HORN BEEPS]
[FRANK] Here! Move out of the way.
What's the fuckin' old scrote up to now?
Hold that. I'm going to talk to him
about Triple Pet.
Okay, my love, I'm going to a camping store
to buy us a family piss bucket.
- Oi!
- Oh. Why are you still here?
I don't know. I thought we could reconnect
over a nice cup of Moccona.
I'm investigating
the Don Darrell homicide, dickhead.
Oh, don't you fuckin' talk to me
about Don Darrell.
He's fuckin' dead to me!
I tell you what, if you had
one dram of fuckin' loyalty in you, girl,
- he'd be fuckin' dead to you too.
- He is dead to me!
He's fuckin' dead to everybody
'cause he's fuckin' dead.
What did you do with Triple Pet?
What? You got tits for ears?
I told you last night. Somebody stole him.
Oh, really? Okay. Yeah?
And that's how he wound up dead
in the river
with Don Darrell's arm in his mouth,
is it?
What are you on about, girl?
That's not Triple Pet.
Look at those bumps
on the top of its head.
That croc's got all its scutes.
Triple Pet's got half his missing.
And we both know how that happened,
shit shot.
- So where's Triple Pet, then?
- I don't bloody know.
- [WHIRRING]
- Oh, come on! Not this arsehole again!
Get fucked, hovercunt!
- Oi, you, hovercunt, piss off!
- Piss off, you fuckin' dog!
- Frank.
- Fuck Eh?
Frank, hi. Hello. I'm um I'm Dulcie.
I didn't get a chance to meet properly
when you were shooting at us.
Yeah, I know about you.
Have a look at the pair of you, hey?
Shetland pony and a lesbian giraffe.
It's like a fuckin' Disney film
come to life. [LAUGHS]
- Good luck with the case, Edwina.
- [BEEPING]
You're off to a fuckin' flyer so far.
[PAT] This building used to be
the old school.
- Eddie would remember that, wouldn't you?
- [EDDIE] Yep.
Yeah, so anyway, here's the keys
to your vehicle, alright?
That's on loan from
the boys at the Dirks River Station.
So I'd give it a wipe down if I was you.
- Ah.
- The kitchen, just over here.
Bathroom's out the back.
The toilet is non-load bearing.
So just hover over the top of it like
you're riding an invisible motorbike.
That's it. Just make yourselves at home.
- I'm retiring next week.
- Oh!
So I'm doing the handover
with my replacement.
So far it's been like
hand-rearing a baby duck.
Senior Sergeant Heffernan.
Oh, speak of the devil.
Uh, Detectives, this is the incoming
Barra Creek sergeant Luke Ferguson.
Hey, I know you!
Used to work at HQ.
Bushy put his dick in your yoghurt
that time, remember that?
- [EDDIE LAUGHS]
- I do. I do remember that.
Yeah! You still making that homebrew?
Stuff that tastes like
a banana pissed itself.
- It was tropical sour.
- Oh, yeah, it was potent.
Couldn't stop pissing brown, for a week!
What's the deal with the moonboot,
Moonboot?
I had a procedure done
on my plantar fasciitis.
Uh, the Don Darrell autopsy report's
taking an awfully long time to print.
Sorry, the autopsy's been done already?
Yes, and it's taking
a very long time to print.
[PAT] Okay, well just bring it in to
the detectives when it's done, Luke.
I can't do that, Senior Sergeant.
You are supposed to be taking me through
the emergency SOPs
all the way through to lunchtime.
I'm only rostered on until 3pm.
It'll be overtime after that.
Yeah, Okay. Okay. Yep.
[SOFTLY] Jeez, if the weather
doesn't do me in, that boy will.
Just hold tight.
Right, you've gotta open the tray
[CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
[DULCIE] What kind of
backyard forensics office
does an autopsy without
informing the detectives in charge?
It's Territory forensics, mate.
Pretty much just three blokes
and a Commodore 64.
- You've just got to be firm with it.
- [LUKE] Senior Sergeant!
Yes! Coming, Luke!
- No, it's
- Down low, too slow.
Weapon used in the post-mortem
disarticulation of D. Darrell
is a weapon with a cutting edge
attached to a handle or hilt.
- So A knife.
- It's a knife. That's a knife, right.
So his head and arm
were removed after death.
What else does it say?
- That's just it, the knife bit.
- What?
- That's not No, it's not.
- Yeah, it is.
No, what about the time of death
or the cause of death?
- Just the knife.
- Is there a tox report?
"Cause of death unknown"!
[EDDIE] Yeah, they need the torso.
It's got all the vital organs,
the heart, the lungs,
the bum and the boobs.
Sure, but this isn't a forensics report.
This is a book blurb.
Forget about it.
We'll figure this out some other way.
Forensics is a crutch for you anyway.
Come on, let's just go to the Darrells,
shake their shorts,
see what turds fall out.
- Come on, you can drive.
- Oh, can I?
Oh, Eddie, in interviews we refer to
Don's death as a fishing accident.
No mention
we're treating it as a murder.
I know!
I'll be confidential as fuck, mate.
I always am.
- Hi.
- Fuck.
Pat was going to give me a quote about
Don Darrell and then forgot about me.
I heard everything you said.
- [DOOR OPENS]
- You're a fuckin' journo?
Yes, I'm Leo Lee. I write
the NT Times daily Crocwatch column.
Right, well, obviously, I'm a fan,
but if you print anything we just said,
I'll do you
for perverting the course of justice, Okay?
- That's not the charge for that.
- Just keep your hole shut.
Okay, but I'm a trained journalist, so
you should let me investigate with you.
I'm dangerously bored in my job.
I've written the same weekly
croc attack article for months now
and not one person's noticed.
Leo, your help with the crime scene
photos was appreciated,
but I am running
a professional investigation here,
so thank you and no thank you
and goodbye, please and thank you.
Oh.
Uh, there's a recycling bin over
Yes, yes, yeah, Okay. Thank you. Ta.
Oi! Reddy! That bike, that's not yours!
Do I know you?
- Yes. It's Miki.
- Hi, Aunty!
Don't call her Aunty, bub,
she's not black.
Yes, she is.
Did you pretend to be black
to take my ten-year-old's bike?
No! And I didn't take the bike.
Yeah, she paid me $120
to hire it for three days, cash.
Yeah, so we can pay
to get Uncle Al's boat fixed.
Yeah, because I put dog biscuits
in the fuel tank.
- Right, well
- What?
Return it in good condition
and pump up the tyres.
- Come on, let's go.
- Wait, wait, wait! Miffy!
You're a ranger, yeah?
So my crocodile brother Triple Pet's
gone missing.
- Have you seen him in the area?
- Listen, blue heelers,
if you want my ancestral knowledge
and my professional expertise
for your police investigation,
then you can contact my boss, Keith.
Keith can contact me
and I can tell Keith to fuck right off.
Here you go.
Your sunnies.
Alright, come on, you lot.
Auntie Mary said you can collect some
cans at the pub while I'm at work today.
Love the school holidays.
- Come on, Mav!
- Okay, thanks.
How many cans do we
need to collect to make $300?
[EDDIE] That ranger's a bit of a punish.
[BOY REPLIES INDISTINCTLY]
Freaky eyes.
Too many fuckin' colours, if you ask me.
Looks like a poisonous frog.
Put the We don't
need the bike, Eddie!
We have the car. We
have an adult car now.
I've still got five hours left
on the rental.
- [DULCIE] Let's just go.
- [EDDIE] No worries.
I'm going to be your human map.
[BOTH EXCLAIM]
- [INDISTINCT]
- I don't know where
- Turn it off!
- I don't know which one it is!
- Okay!
- The fuckin' button there.
[MUSIC ENDS]
Fucking
[EDDIE] Alright, so when we get there,
I'll take the lead with the Darrells.
[DULCIE] Really? You think that's wise?
Amber all but kneecapped you last night.
At least I'm local, mate.
You stink of rich.
One look at you
and then they'll know you played the oboe
and you're terrified of arse-play.
It was the clarinet, actually.
- [RINGING]
- Oh, it's the superintendent.
Leave it. We're almost there.
- Superintendent.
- [CULKIN] Detective.
I'm just out for a laksa,
thought I'd give you a call,
see how you got on this morning.
[DULCIE] Well, we've just
arrived at the Darrells' now, sir.
So hopefully we can question
all of the family members,
get them to piece together
a picture of Don's final hours.
[COUGHS] Okay. And, uh,
how's Detective Redcliffe getting on?
Really Really great, actually,
but she'd like a therapy puppet.
- Would she? Really? A puppet?
- [WHISPERS] Fuck you!
Okay. To each their own.
I'll let HR know. [CHUCKLES]
They'll be rapt.
I'm doing too many things here.
Oh, actually, sir, we could use
your assistance with forensics.
Don Darrell's autopsy report
was all of eight words.
They didn't give us a cause of death.
Now, we appreciate that
they need more body parts,
but we expected a bit more information.
Yeah, well, that sounds about right,
Detective.
Um, look, I'll make some calls,
see if I can't unblock a few of
those evidence pipelines for you.
Thank you, sir, and we'll do some
old-fashioned pavement
pounding till then.
- [CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
- Alright, I'll leave you to it.
- Okay, bye for now.
- [BEEPING]
Hey, no jokes when we go in there.
They don't work for you, it's like
G-string on an otter.
[CAR DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]
[EDDIE] Yeah, so, um, straight up the
bat, we offer our condoles and, um
I just want to say
how sorry we both are.
Don was, uh
a legend, a river king.
A
sultan of swing.
[AMBER] Shove it up your clack!
Dad would be rolling in his grave
to know you were here.
Yeah, well, he's not in a grave,
is he, so
My C-section's healed, shithead.
I will go you!
- Oh, Amber, stop your rot!
- It's a statement of fact, Okay?
Fine, he's mainly in the river.
Fuck, fine. You go.
Um, uh, uh, Miss, uh, Ms Darrell,
Mrs Darrell,
we just want to ask a few questions
about Don's last movements.
How would we know his last movements?
We didn't follow him to the shitter!
No, sorry, I meant what he was doing
before he died.
Well, say that, then, Scrabble.
You think you're better than me?
No. I never I don't
And I'm a missus, not a miss!
I'm married, to Grent.
- That's my husband there.
- That's Oh.
Oh, that's Congratulations.
Um, so when was the last time
you saw Don?
- Why? What's it to you?
- How fuckin' dare you?
I I am just trying to do my job.
The last time we saw Dad was
[SOBS] It was Sunday night.
Sunday night.
The whole family had tea at the pub.
- You happy?
- So youse didn't see him on Monday, then?
If we'd seen him then,
we would have fuckin' said.
- [PHONE RINGING]
- Tegan, can you get the phone?
So the last time you saw Don
was Sunday night? Okay
Oh, no, no, no. She can't.
That little one can't.
I'm sorry, we are conducting
a police interview. You can't
Hey, she's my best friend.
Tegan was my maid of honour.
Okay?
[TEGAN] It's the funeral home, Ambs.
Okay, well, you tell them, Teegs, that
we're not paying for a full-size coffin.
We only got the head and the arm,
so we'll just do a dog one.
For shit-sakes, Amber!
Stop going on about bloody money.
Well, someone's got to, Mum.
DJ won't, will he?
He just bought a fuckin' duck boat.
Tell them, Teegs.
Hey, DJJ, you've got my bracelet.
Boys don't play with bracelets.
That's gay.
Okay, so, the meal at the pub on Sunday.
Was everyone in good spirits?
- What's it to you?
- Yes.
Do people who aren't in good spirits do
three rounds of croc-sucking cowboys?
- It was a lovely night.
- It was a lovely night. How dare you?
Oh. Okay.
Who are they from, Troy?
"Dear Colleen, Amber, DJ and Trey"
Troy! That's you. Troy.
"Sorry for your loss.
Deepest symphonies, Jason Wade."
- Oh!
- That dick-rat! The bloody nerve.
Troy, you take those birds of paradise
out the back,
and you burn them in the incinerator.
So what happened after dinner?
Dad got eaten by a fuckin' crocodile.
- The girl knows that, Amber!
- No, sorry.
Actually, I meant
what time did you all leave the pub?
[AMBER SIGHS] It's none of your business,
but Dad stayed at the pub,
and then we all left about ten.
We dropped DJ and Troy back here,
and then Mum come back to ours,
'cause all our kids had both-ends gastro.
We were just swapping
out buckets till 5am.
Fuckin' awful.
- Yeah, something ripped through them.
- [CLANG]
[MRS DARRELL]
It's probably that woman's nuggets.
And where did Don go after the pub?
- Probably headed home.
- Okay. And did he make it home?
Did Troy or your other son BJ see him?
DJ. Don Junior.
- How dare you?
- Don J DJ. Sorry. My bad.
Yeah, you're not listening to
a word we're saying.
No-one saw him after the pub.
We already said that.
Right, we're done here.
I've lost my dad, DJJ's lost his pop.
Mum's lost the love of her life.
- We've had a gutful!
- Yeah, we still need to talk to DJ.
DJ's not here. He's taken it hard.
He was Don's favourite.
[EDDIE] Well, tell him we want a word.
Come on, Collins, let's go.
Oh! Um
Actually, I do just have
one more question.
- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.
By the time that Don's remains
were found on Tuesday,
you hadn't seen him for two days.
Where did you think he was?
Fishing.
Right, and what makes you think that
he was fishing?
'Cause on Sunday night
he told us he was going fishing.
And you weren't worried about him?
No. We're not like you city people.
We can go weeks
without talking to each other.
It's called being a family.
Right, well, that feels like
it's hit a natural conclusion.
Uh Great.
We will be in Yes.
Troy! Fire!
- [AMBER] Fuck!
- [MRS DARRELL] Bloody hell!
- Shit!
- Get up, you lazy cunt, there's a fire!
- Fuckin' Darrells.
- Get the hose! Where's the hose?
[TROY] I don't know
where the fuckin' hose is.
Fuck!
[EDDIE] Okay, we question the locals
about Sunday night.
You just sit in the corner
and try not to dog it up again, Scrabble.
[DULCIE] Ugh.
[EDDIE] Come on, you three, cut the shit.
I know you know
what fuckin' went on on Sunday night.
Your arses have been planted here
since 1983.
What about you, Rabbit?
Did you see Don Darrell on Sunday night?
Bert, did you see Don? Huh?
Rog, what about you?
I didn't see anything
pertaining to Don Darrell, Edwina.
I'll tell you
what I did see recently, though.
- Lights in the sky over the DRR.
- No.
Extraterrestrial activity
is increasing exponentially.
[EDDIE] No, no, no!
No cooker shit, Rog, Okay?
Answer my questions
or I'll sign you up for a government ID.
- Hey! Hot one today, boys.
- [MEN RESPOND INDISTINCTLY]
- Nup. Don't start that. Don't start!
- [MEN CONTINUE INDISTINCTLY]
[EDDIE] Don't start that. Fuck my hole.
[MARY] Okay, you boys
keep collecting cans
[ROG] Your government says the DRR
is decommissioned military land.
They're doing something
out there, with my taxes.
[DULCIE] Lynn?
- You don't pay taxes, Rog.
- And this is why.
- That's my man. Fuck the colony, babe.
- Uh-huh.
Oh, this is beautiful.
Because my muse is beautiful.
Those aliens are probably behind all
this. They've probably
got Triple Pet too.
- No!
- Hi, boys. Hot one today.
- Shut up, Joy. Stay out of it, Joy.
- [MEN RESPOND INDISTINCTLY]
Fuck's sake!
[LYNN] Yeah, the Darrells were here
on Sunday night for Don's 70th.
The kids ate five dozen nuggets.
[DULCIE] Uh, Don's 70th?
Why didn't they mention that?
Oh, don't take it personally, Dulcie.
The Darrells probably
just didn't tell you about Don's party
because it's none of your business.
Here we are.
Oh!
- Mary?
- [MARY] Yeah?
- I thought you cleaned up in here.
- No, remember, you were cleaning.
I was digging.
Oh. Don didn't even finish his Steak Cake.
[LYNN SIGHS] I'll get the Kärcher
and pressure-hose the lot of it
out the roller door.
Uh, just leave the mess for now,
thank you, please.
Okay, but we've got to clean it soon.
Pat's having her retirement do in here
next week.
Mary, did the Darrells have a fight?
1982, Tyndall Base, 42.7 degrees,
- still not as
- [ROGER] But this is hotter!
Okay, Okay!
Okay, let's get back to Don Darrell
or I will kill you all.
We were at the Darrells yesterday.
We fed King.
Okay. That's it, line up.
You're all going to die.
Line up, I'm going to shoot you all.
- Hi.
- Agh!
- [JOY] Ron chucked a chook.
- Jesus.
Do you slide in on wheels?
No, I've been here this whole time, again.
If you want to know
what happened that evening,
the drone was filming around the pub
on Sunday night.
I know because I stay in a caravan
out back that barely has a roof.
If you got your hands on the drone,
it might have filmed Don leaving.
Who owns the drone?
I'm not sure, maybe Satan.
[ROG] The croc in this cage isn't King.
- What?
- This is not King.
This croc is missing its scutes.
Those shithouse rats!
[EDDIE] Collins, where are you?
In here.
I know what happened to Triple Pet.
Troy did the penis on the billboard.
- [SIREN WAILS]
- [LOUD ROCK MUSIC]
- [HORN BLARES]
- Oi! Hey!
- Pull over!
- Fuck!
- [DULCIE] Disembark the boat!
- [SIREN WAILS]
- Gun it, Collins! Go!
- [INDISTINCT]
[DULCIE] Go, go.
- [EDDIE] Hey!
- DJ, they're coming.
I know what you two have been up to.
You get down, you croc-napping fuckers.
Do not make me chase you!
That croc in King's cage,
that's Triple Pet, isn't it?
So that means it was King in the river
with your dad's arm in it.
- Troy, split up!
- Okay!
- [EDDIE] Get off!
- No, don't follow me!
Troy, do not jump.
There is no give in that gravel!
[EDDIE] None, mate!
- [TROY] Agh!
- [EDDIE] I told you that'd hurt.
[DULCIE] We need to question you formally.
- Get out of there.
- [TROY SQUEALING]
- [TROY SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
- [EDDIE] Come on, scrap!
- You think you can take me, scrap?
- [SMALL ENGINE REVS]
You wanna take me on?
- Troy! I've got the pee wee!
- [DULCIE] Oh, my God.
- Dismount the tiny bike!
- [EDDIE] Off!
- [ENGINE STOPS]
- Fuck.
Get off, Troy!
[BIKE FAILS TO START]
Fuckin' no!
I didn't do nothing! [SOBS]
I didn't do nothing.
[DULCIE] I found this at the pub today.
Troy, did you graffiti the same penis
and testes onto your father's face?
What? On the billboard?
No, it was those Land of Crocs wankers.
Yeah, it was me.
Wh You dick and balled dad's face?
- [EDDIE] Eh! DJ! DJ!
- Did you?
Dad said my birthday drawing
made him look like a poof, DJ.
- Enough!
- Stop it!
I was angry at him.
Troy, mate, come on. look at me.
- Dads can be tough, yeah?
- Mm.
- We know that.
- Mm.
You know, weight of expectation.
It's a lot.
Collins, her dad, he was shit.
He was an actor. He was in Brigadoon.
N Uh, no, he was a brigadier
in the Defence Force.
The point is, she understands
why you'd want your dad dead.
- No. No.
- [EDDIE] Yeah. No.
You had a fight with your dad at the pub
because of your gay dick art.
No, the fight was because Dad fed
Grent crab and then
his throat closed over.
- Yeah, Dad says allergies are for poofs.
- Yeah, Okay, whatever.
And then after that, you killed your dad,
you fed his arm to King,
your prehistoric garbage disposal.
- That's not what happened!
- Yeah. And then King died
because he choked on that arm,
so you chucked him in the river.
No, King was already
He was already in the river.
- What?
- Sorry, King was already in the river?
Yeah, King got out Saturday night.
The gate was open.
That's why we nicked Triple Pet.
We thought Frank was still in jail!
[TROY] DJ, is it our fault
that Dad's dead?
Yeah, Troy. [SOBS]
King got out, and, right, and then
and then King ate Dad
when Dad fell in the river.
Man, it's fuckin' circle of life shit!
[TROY] King murdered Dad
because we left the gate open!
[SOBS]
[EDDIE] Collins, these two fuckspanners
don't know how Don died.
- Agreed.
- Yeah.
- Mate! Shut up!
- Troy! DJ!
- What the What?!
- Hey!
Where did you two go after the pub
on Sunday night?
Home. Went home.
- Home. He was on his thing.
- Twitch.
Troy Troy was on his Twitch,
and I went out with Rabbit,
setting off some fireworks.
Look, I've got the videos on me socials
to prove it.
- Look, look, 15 blowjobs all in a row.
- [FIREWORKS CRACKLE]
Oh, no, thank you. No fellatio. No, no!
No, they're a type of firework.
- [EDDIE] What?
- [FIREWORKS CONTINUE]
- Like this.
- Okay. Right.
Wait, hang on! What?
They're our confiscated fireworks, Troy!
- Grab 'em!
- No! Concentrate, please!
- Leave them!
- Did you see your dad at all?
He was due back at your place
after the pub, yes?
- No.
- No, Dad went to his place.
- He's at What? I'm not following. No?
- His place?
- He was going to his place.
- Yes, but isn't his place your place?
- No.
- It's our place.
Well, where the fuck is his place, then?
- Dad's donga.
- Dad went to Dad's donga!
[MAN ON RADIO] You're on Top
End Hot Hits with Beefy and the Skid,
where the Mango Madness
is setting in, Skiddy.
[SKID] That's right, Beef. And, big news,
Toby the cadaver dog has joined
the missing backpackers search,
just in time for
Jason Wade's Big Barra Bashnanza,
which kicks off tomorrow in Dirks River.
[BEEF] Maybe Toby will
have time to dip a rod in, Skid.
[SKID] Maybe. Maybe. [LAUGHS]
- [EERIE MUSIC]
- [INSECTS CHIRRUP]
- [DULCIE] No!
- [EDDIE] Come on.
- [DULCIE] No!
- [EDDIE] Why the fuck not?
Superintendent confirmed forensics
is en route and the dongle is
Dong-a! It's a portable building. Soft G.
Roll the end of the G. Dong-a.
However you pronounce it,
it is a suspected crime scene,
so we wait for them.
No, we make our own destiny. I'm going in.
- No, like f un you are!
- Ugh!
We don't have gloves,
we don't have booties,
and it's all potential evidence
in there. No.
Okay, well, I'm going to get Leo
to bring us booties.
- Leo?
- Yeah.
The journo. Told me about the drone.
Why would Leo bring us booties?
They were in the shower block
when I was doing my bedtime bog-log,
- so I asked them to help us with this.
- No, no, no, they won't.
A journalist
is not joining this investigation.
God, Eddie, you should have
checked with me first.
No, fire them.
Pay them out if you have to.
I'm not paying them,
that's the good thing.
They just want first dibs on the
story so they can
turn it into a podcast.
Eh What?
Collins, we need more hands, Okay?
Between the two of us
we've got four hands,
but none of them
know how to turn on a computer.
Leo can handle that for us.
Plus! They've got this vibe
where they barely exist,
like people don't even notice
when they're being interviewed by them.
They think it's the wind.
Hey, hey! No, Eddie, don't open that.
I said we were waiting.
Oh. I forgot.
Ah.
Considering the Darrells' place
looked like the BFG's junk drawer,
Don kept a remarkably clean dongler.
- [EDDIE] Ugh. Donga! It's donga.
- [DULCIE] That's what I said.
Wait.
Is it Is it just me,
or is this place on a lean?
No, you're right, it is on a lean.
- I'm gonna dip a toe in.
- No, don't!
- Just a toe. Just a fuckin' pointer toe.
- No!
- There is no such th
- Oh, fuckin' finally, cunts!
- Eddie!
- Where have you jizz biscuits been?
- Language!
- Got a hard on for your swabs.
Despite the ants, this is a workplace.
I've got a semi, I've
got a semi for your swabs.
Thank you. Hello. Thank you.
We didn't go in.
- Hi, ma'ams!
- Ah!
[EDDIE] G'day, Big Eyes!
[MARY] I'm struggling with these, Lynn.
[LYNN] Just use a hook grip, Mar.
- Hi, Lynn!
- Oh, hi, Cath.
- Hi, Mary.
- Oh, hi, Cath, yeah.
You look busy.
[LYNN] Yeah, always got something to do.
[MARY] I don't think
it'll all dissolve, Lynn.
- [LYNN] Shh!
- [DOG BARKING]
Oh, hello!
Where did you come from? Good boy!
- Aw!
- I've got a new fishing shirt.
And a loose tooth as well.
Loose tooth? Wow. Is this your dog?
Boss isn't Cherry's dog, miss.
No, that's Mav's dog, eh?
Found him on the highway, eh.
Oi, cool car, miss.
Mav loves cars. He stole one once.
Shut up, Cherry.
Oh, I stole Simon Creen's car once.
It was a uni grassroots guerrilla thing
to protest fee deregulation. [LAUGHS]
It didn't work.
Can I get a Hurricane drink from LOCAOA?
Uh, yeah. Sure, you can.
Aunty! She's taking us to Land of Crocs
to see Uncle Al.
Oh, good on you, Cath. I was
running out of cans for them to collect.
[MAV] Cool, I'm in the front.
- Come on, boss.
- Thanks, Miss.
Oh, sick! It's got touchscreen!
Yeah, sure.
This'll be fun.
Where are we going, again?
Kate put me up for this uni placement
because Darwin Forensics
hasn't hired anyone new
- since the Azaria Chamberlain case.
- [EDDIE] Ah.
That's Lauren and Oliver,
the other interns.
They're either siblings or they're dating.
I can't actually tell which.
Anyway, I'm paired with
Toby the cadaver dog
because, according to
the office manager, Diane,
we're in the same pay bracket.
Yeah, well, I'd get him
away from the water, Big Eyes.
He's in the lunch position there.
The lunch position, ma'am?
Oh, shivers! Um
Toby, come on!
- Toby, here, boy.
- [BARKING]
Toby, come on.
[BARKING]
[LAUREN] Toby, good boy!
- Isn't he so cute?
- [EDDIE] Mm.
Yeah. We're all supposed to be
on the backpacker case,
but our boss, the Prof,
sent us here for the day.
But I don't mind
because I'm back with my work mums.
- So, Abby, I was wond
- Oh, yeah!
Oh, no, sorry. I wasn't going to do that.
- Why What's happening here?
- Oh, you
- Oh, you didn't want to Okay, cool.
- No, that's good.
Okay, um, how is
this investigation going?
[LOUD BUZZING]
Hey, did you hear that?
That's not a spacecraft.
I assure you, I did not think it was.
It's that hovercunt drone!
- Oh, Eddie Eddie, leave it!
- Hey! Wait up!
No, it knows stuff.
Oi! I want to talk about
Sunday night in the pub!
So is this a potential crime scene, ma'am?
That's what we're trying to figure out.
Don was headed here on Sunday night,
so we're just looking for anything to
indicate what might have happened.
Did Don make it out here?
You know, was he alone?
Oh, wait, ma'am.
You've just stepped in some Toby poo.
- No. No!
- I'll go get you a bag.
Yep, great.
Hey, hey!
Get back here, you airborne fuck!
I just want to talk!
- Hang on.
- Here, ma'am. You can lean on me.
Ah, thanks. Right. Right.
Ooh.
Is anyone missing a bracelet with
straight-pride symbols on it?
And an iced coffee?
That your bracelet?
No.
Right, well, we did find it this morning
at your dad's dongra.
- His what?
- At the your dad's
- Donga. Your dad's donga.
- Yeah.
Okay. Fuck's sake!
Were you out there last night?
No! I wasn't.
I've got five kids under five,
and Grent's never changed a nappy.
So that could be anyone's.
Sure, but we did see you with it yesterday
when you told Don Junior Junior
he couldn't play with it.
Well, so what that I was at
the donga last night? What's it to you?
What's it to us?
What it What it to us is
is that we think your dad was murdered
out there.
- [DULCIE WHISPERS] Eddie, no!
- Just Fuck!
- Uh
- [AMBER] What?
Yeah, yeah. What?
You fully said Dad was eaten by a croc.
No, we fully didn't.
It was you that said that.
Amber, we know about your dad's 70th,
how he force-fed your husband Grent
mud crabs,
and that resulted in a fight
where those crabs were weaponised.
Why didn't you tell us about
the crab fight, Amber?
Why did you say it was a lovely night?
Clearly, it wasn't.
'Cause it's none of your fuckin' business
that Dad is a cunt!
Ah.
That Dad was a cunt!
Amber, if you don't tell us
why you were out at the donga,
then we're just going to have to guess.
And we think you went out there
to cover up a bit of a dad-murder.
Tell them the truth, Ambs.
Yeah, listen to your mate, Amber.
Fuck off.
[AMBER] Alright, fine.
I was out there
'cause I was looking for the money.
I didn't find it
because someone else has been out there.
I can tell 'cause the donga's
been winched off its blocks.
And aside from that,
I couldn't have killed him
'cause I was at the hospital
all Sunday night with Grent
'cause his throat closed over,
didn't it?
Shut up. Wait, what money?
- The money he wants back!
- The money who wants back?
Him! Fuckin' him! Jason Wade!
That Land of Crocs fuck paid Dad 300 grand
and now he wants it back!
Can I go? I've got meat in the car.
[LEO] So Jason Wade grew up in
Adelaide and attended
an elite boys college
that was burned down by its own old boys
when it went co-ed.
He has no priors, just a caution
for driving 170km
in a 160 school zone.
- Are you Okay?
- [DULCIE] No, I'm not.
I'm police, Leo, and all of this
is official police business.
- Uh-huh?
- I know.
So if you publish anything about this case
before a suspect
is convicted of this crime,
then not only would justice
not be served for the victim,
but the law will come down on you
with the force of a hypernova.
Do you understand?
- I do.
- Good.
But also, if you don't solve this case,
I'm just going to bin the whole thing
because nobody wants to hear about losers.
Where was I?
Anybody want a chip?
Yeah, tastes like BO. Good BO.
Jason is the star and creator of
Jason Wade's Adventures Down Under
and the Marine spin-off,
Jason Wade's Adventures Down Under
Goes More Down Under.
Eight years ago, he opened
Jason Wade's Land of Crocs
and Other Animals Wildlife Park
near Dirks River.
Oh, no. I'm done.
[DULCIE] Oh, Okay. Alright, great.
Well, we'll head to Land of Crocs now.
$350, we got this car yesterday,
is this normal?
- [BOTH] Yeah.
- Detectives!
Hold up.
G'day, Moonboot.
- You don't answer your phone.
- Yeah, 'cause it might be a bill.
Well, it wasn't a bill, it was me.
I was calling because a local man
by the name of Mr Rabbit
reported a body part in the river.
It's in the water off Dickie's Knob.
Okay, great.
Well, I know a ranger that would love to
take you on a boat
to collect that, Luke.
No, no, no, see my shift ends
in ten minutes.
Oh, no, don't look at me.
I didn't bring my goggles.
I'm off to Land of Crocs.
[WHIRRING]
Get out, you mongrel bastard winch!
Get out!
[RECORDING] Did you know Child
Protection Services now has an app?
Just key in your 26-digit client PIN
for access
[WOMAN] You're speaking with Ellen.
Oh, oh, oh! Hi! Hello!
Hi! Hello! Oh, hi, Ellen. Ellen, is it?
- Yes.
- Yes. Ellen, hi.
I'm Michaela Morris and I've recently
become the kinship carer
- for my nephew Maverick.
- One moment please.
No, don't put me on hold. Ellen.
Connecting you with Kinship Services now.
- Ellen?
- Thank you.
- [MUSIC PLAYS OVER PHONE]
- Fuck! At least fuckin' lube me up
before you fuck me like this, Ellen!
[SHOUTS]
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
Are you right?
[ANNOUNCEMENT] It's another big
day at Land of Crocs and Other Animals
with our feeding of Chomp kicking off soon
in the croc arena.
At 3pm we have the batfish feeding
and don't forget to book in for
Hi. I need to speak with Jason Wade.
The office isn't answering.
Yeah, sorry.
It's mad during school holidays.
One adult, that's $75 please.
I'm police.
Unless you're a family of four,
it's $75 please.
Right. Right, yep.
No, I don't need that, I'm just
- Here's your showbag.
- Just gonna try and find
- And here's that.
- Yeah, I just need to know
And don't forget your ticket.
- Great. Thanks.
Here you go, have a nice day. Next.
Could you direct me
towards back of house?
Just a minute.
Thank you so much.
Stand on the black X there, please.
Oh, I just need to be directed towards
back of house.
Okay, Big Fella is to your left,
so look up at him super scared.
Who's up there? Oh.
[ANNOUNCEMENT] At 3pm Kate and
Kate are going into the Tube of Doom.
And then, at 4pm, folks, we have the
Sooty Grunter feeding with me, Roisin.
Okay? But starting now
in the CrocaSphere
- Just go through, please.
- Right. Okay.
It's croc feeding time with Big Fella!
[MAN, ON P.A.] Thanks,
Roisin. Take a seat, folks.
Welcome, welcome. G'day everyone.
My name is Al, and I'm the Land of Crocs
and Other Animals Indigenous Ambassador.
[APPLAUSE]
Can you just
take your seat, please, ma'am?
Can you just take your seat, please?
And this has been in my people's
country since time immemorial.
[SPARSE ATMOSPHERIC
INDIGENOUS MUSIC PLAYS]
Sit down.
[AL] Today, I welcome everyone
in the CrocaSphere to my country.
Cath?
- Sit down!
- [AL] My people have lived in harmony
- Just sit down.
- I am!
- For over 100,000 years
- Oh, my God!
Caring for country, respecting country
and all its creatures.
Why does Uncle have that yidaki?
He doesn't even know how to play.
Like dungalaba.
[TRILLS]
Dungalaba is Language for
my totem, the saltwater crocodile.
[APPLAUSE]
And now, a special surprise for you all,
the Top End's favourite son, Jason Wade!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[JASON] Thanks, Al.
Everybody, give it up for him.
I'll tell you what folks,
no-one knows these rivers and these crocs
better than our mate Al.
We've all learnt so much from him.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
- G'day, g'day.
- [CROWD] G'day, g'day.
- G'day, g'day.
- [CROWD, LOUDER] G'day, g'day.
- G'day, g'day.
- [CROWD] G'day, g'day.
My name is Jason Wade.
I might host a couple of TV shows
- [CHEERING]
- Few fans in the house! Love it.
But seriously, we all know
who the real star of today is.
Ladies and gents,
give it up for Big Fella!
Let's get him out here
and give him a feed!
[EDDIE] Yeah, so Moonboot
said that Rabbit said
that the body part was up around this way.
So we've just got to go up that
um, trib trib
tribitur tree, uh,
by Dickie's Knob.
So I reckon
we just head downstream, Miffy.
It's Miki!
Do you seriously not remember me?
Miki Morris! We went to school together.
Oh, come on! It was you, me, my cousins,
a bunch of white dogs
talking racist shit about us
even though they only shared one fuckin'
face between them like it was a bong.
Come on!
You coat hangered me in Home Ec.
Yeah, because I'd invite you out for darts
at the creepy-face tree
and you'd dog me every time.
Yeah. Cool.
So, what's been happening?
You still at school?
I'm 44.
No shit! Me too.
Hey, I reckon we need to go to
where the crocodile in the sunnies is.
You do realise
that's an activity map for kids?
- Hard Hard left, I reckon, Miffy.
- [BEEP]
[BEEPING CONTINUES]
- Is that your sonar or work's?
- Work's.
- [EDDIE] That's a bull shark.
- [MIKI] I know.
Bull shark give birth to live young,
like you.
You gave birth to your live young.
Is that Is that how it happened?
What's that one? Is that a swordfish?
Swordfish cut their prey in half
with their nose.
It's not a swordfish, alright?
I know what a swordfish is
and that's not a swordfish!
Worse than my kids.
Is it a torso?
Oh, bugger. It's just a foot.
That's not going to help us,
unless Don died of tinea.
Ugh! Where's its big toe?
- [BUZZING]
- [EDDIE] What's that sound?
The hovercunt! Yes!
Oi!
Ooh, hoo, hoo, hoo!
Shit shot, my arse.
[DULCIE] I'm investigating
Don Darrell's death.
Okay, and you've spoken to Amber Darrell.
I have. And your name came up.
You think there's something going on
with me and Amber?
- Uh, no, that is not what I thought.
- [LAUGHS]
- Dulcie, come on.
- "Detective" is fine.
How do I put this politely?
My wife, Althea,
is a former runner-up Miss Australia.
She's won Fashion on the Field,
she's beautiful.
Here, have a look at her cover of Maxim.
Pre-kids, of course.
It's really not necessary
for me to see your wife's photos.
But you get it, though, right?
If I have an affair, it won't be
with someone like Amber Darrell.
She doesn't even
register as a woman to me.
Well, that is not why your name came up.
She told us about the $300,000.
Oh, that. [LAUGHS]
Oh, you had be worried there
for a second, Dulcie.
- Detective.
- [SIGHS]
Why did you give Don Darrell $300,000?
It's to buy King.
The biggest crock in the Territory.
I've been trying to buy him for years.
I knew the Darrells were struggling, so
I made Don an offer he couldn't refuse.
I paid him the cash Friday.
Gonna need that back, obviously,
now that he's dead.
- Don?
- No, King.
I can wait till after the funeral.
You know?
I don't need the cash, obviously.
[CHUCKLES] Make more than that each week
off Hurricane drinks.
Yeah, that makes sense.
They are $35 a pop.
Can't believe you thought I was
having an affair with Amber Darrell!
- [MIMICS RETCHING]
- Not what I thought, so
Anyway, missus and I
have an event to get to.
We're Pearl Ambassadors,
so let me walk you out.
Oh, I
I'll see if I can remember
where the staff exit is.
Not on the ground much anymore,
just, uh, flat-chat, filming my show.
Editing season 12 right now.
Yeah, and then we're gonna do a series
where I drive a fast car
over a salt lake
- Oh, that's alright, I'll get that.
- Back and forth, me and big Russ,
Russell Crowe. [LAUGHS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
Hey, Leo!
I shot down the hovercunt.
So I need you to see if
there's any footage on the drone
of Don leaving the pub.
So, yeah, I action you to action that.
Come on, quick dicks, Leo.
Mm-hm?
[LEO] Ugh!
[EDDIE] That's a foot.
Don't worry about that.
Eddie! I met the most amazing dog today.
Awesome. Yeah, great.
Look!
- [SQUEALS] His name's Boss!
- Yeah.
I'm a bit too busy to talk about dogs
right now, Cath.
Hey, um, Leo, can we hurry this up?
I need to get this foot to forensics
before it gets soupy.
[LEO] There is footage
saved on this drone.
[EDDIE] Is there anything
from Sunday night?
- [OLIVER] I'm going outside, Lozzie.
- [LAUREN] Okay.
[OLIVER] Oh, bloody hell. That was
a monumental waste of time.
There is absolutely nothing here
to suggest this is a crime scene.
[ABBY] Yeah, because someone's
hosed the site down, Oliver.
I mean, look, there's water runoff,
even though it hasn't rained here
since last April.
Of course it's rained here since then,
Ally, that's ridiculous.
- No, it's the tropics.
- Grab Toby, yeah? We're leaving.
Lozzie, let's get out of here.
- [LAUREN] Okay, Ollie.
- Toby, where are you?
[ATTEMPTS TO WHISTLE] Toby?
Toby?
[BLOWS, SPITS]
- [ATTEMPTS TO WHISTLE]
- [SPLASH]
Frig! Frig! Frig! The lunch position!
Toby?
- Toby?
- [BARKING]
Toby, is that you?
[BARKING]
Oliver, Toby found a toe!
It is the crime scene!
[WHINING]
No, Toby, that's evidence! Toby, no!
[SIGHS]
[EDDIE] Yeah, this is good, Leo,
but there's no one around.
The joint's dead.
Looks like a model railway.
Just go around the corner.
[LEO] I can't turn the camera
around, I'm not controlling it.
[EDDIE] No, I've seen people do it.
[LEO] No, you've seen
Google Street View.
[DING]
Oh, that's just me.
That's 76 photos of Boss.
[EDDIE] Cool.
No, no, don't, don't go away!
I haven't seen Don leave the pub.
Where are you going now?
Wait. I know where that is.
That's near Don's donga.
That's his bloody jetty.
G'day, g'day.
Who do we have here, then?
[JASON] So I'm doing K2, then Denali,
then Everest with Nat Geo.
And then I'm back here for a six-parter
where we barbecue fish on the beach.
Sounds fun. Jason, I also will need
your whereabouts for last Sunday night.
My P.A.s know my diary,
so just give them a call.
Great. Who are they?
This is the exit. Do you need a selfie
with me to show the girls back home?
- Ah, no, I think the girls are fine.
- Great, great. Awesome, awesome.
Really great to meet you, Dulcie.
Really special. Okay. Take care.
And your P.A.'s contacts,
I'll just get the numbers of the
Mm.
Thank you. That was Yeah.
[SIGHS]
[PHONE RINGS]
Eddie?
Collins, there was someone else
out at Don's donga.
They got picked up on the drone
on Sunday night.
They're dragging Don's body up the jetty.
[DULCIE] What? Can you tell who it is?
- It's Chomp.
- Sorry, it's who?
- God!
- Chomp, from Land of Crocs.
He's our killer! Collins?
Collins, are you still there?
What the fuck?
Whoa!
Hey!
[GRUNTS]
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
Does Barra Creek get many body parts
lodged inside dead reptiles?
Blunt has made the wrong ID
on that arm, I can feel it.
I think we've got a John Doe on our hands.
That's not a croc bite.
That's been chopped off.
Now we're looking for a
missing person and a fuckin' killer!
- We?
- Yes, yes, fuckin' yes.
If I can identify the croc from the river,
then we find our killer.
The Darrells' pet croc, King,
is still alive,
so I've got one more place to check out.
- What are you doing here?
- It's dead.
Triple Pet!
The best croc in the Territory.
He must have been who was dead
in the river.
- [GUNSHOT]
- Fuck! Get down, get down!
No, he's not going to shoot us.
He's my fuckin' dad.
[DJ] Is that your cock and balls
on my dad's face?
Respect my dad!
He's the king of the river!
- Dad!
- [ALL SCREAM AND SOB]
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
- [NIGHT BIRDS CALL]
- [ENGINE PUTTERS]
[EDDIE] Nah. We got more chance of
finding a shit with wings
than more of Don Darrell's body tonight.
Some croc's probably
tucked him away like a
drag queen's dick by now.
Or I'd say he's been eaten already.
What?
What?
Were you ever going to tell me
that your dad lives in Barra Creek?
Ugh! Here we go.
Well, you specifically said that
you have no family here, Eddie.
Yeah, because I thought he was in jail.
[DULCIE] Well, feel free to
tell me about your hometown
while we are investigating
a case in your hometown
so I don't make a complete git of myself.
Well, you're doing a pretty good job
of that yourself by now.
Oh, the glasses are for motion sickness!
Mate, who cares
who kept what from who, okay?
We're trying to solve
a high-profile murder here.
Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying.
So, tomorrow morning,
we hit the ground running,
get his autopsy report
and we fingerprint his cage.
What? Whose cage?
Triple Pet, my crocodile!
Eddie, we are investigating a homicide.
This is a fuckin' homicide!
"Hom" means "human".
Right! Now I'd like to say
a few words about Triple Pet,
my crocodile brother.
- Please don't. Please, no.
- Triple Pet, you loved eating.
Um, specifically pets.
Three of them, to be exact.
And I know we had our challenges.
I accidentally shot off
three of your scutes with a slug gun
and you tried to eat me a lot.
But you were my best mate.
And I solemnly vow to find your killer
and avenge your death
and so does Collins.
- No, I don't.
- And now for your favourite song.
- Oh Christ Eddie, it is 4am
- Cracklin' Rose ♪
you're a store-bought woman ♪
You make me sing like a guitar hummin' ♪
- [GROANS]
- So hang on to me, girl ♪
Our song keeps playin' on ♪
- Play it now, play it now ♪
- Please stop moving your bottom!
- Play it now, my baby ♪
- It's jiggling the boat, Eddie!
[THEME SONG PLAYS]
- [BIRDS SING]
- [GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS]
Now, that was a silly brawl last night.
- [MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
- Hey Yeah.
And Don's death is no excuse
for you to kick off again now.
Let's get this road on the show,
shall we?
Wait, wait, wait.
What's with this get up?
You look like a beachy mortician.
You need to get
involved with this, mate!
100% petroleum, moisture-wicking,
hammerhead shark on the back.
Okay, yep. Wowee. Yep.
Not as good as Bushy's shirt though.
Oh, mate! If you'd have seen that one!
Fuckin' bull croc on the front,
helicopter on the back,
- double the action, you know?
- I don't.
So, any word on Don's autopsy?
Uh, no. Apparently forensics are busy.
But we'll head to Darwin
once the autopsy's confirmed.
- Okay, when do we meet our team?
- Uh, there is no team!
All personnel have been diverted to
Taskforce Hammare
for the backpacker case.
- My loves!
- Hi.
I bought us new drink bottles.
I've taped the "What colour is your"
"piss?" dehydration guide on the side.
- Oh, love. Thank you.
- Yeah, good on you, Cath.
Eddie, I'm so glad you're here
reconnecting with your dad.
- No, I'm not.
- Such a beautiful experience.
- No, it's not.
- Thank you for letting us be part of it.
- No, Cath, no.
- [HORN BEEPS]
[FRANK] Here! Move out of the way.
What's the fuckin' old scrote up to now?
Hold that. I'm going to talk to him
about Triple Pet.
Okay, my love, I'm going to a camping store
to buy us a family piss bucket.
- Oi!
- Oh. Why are you still here?
I don't know. I thought we could reconnect
over a nice cup of Moccona.
I'm investigating
the Don Darrell homicide, dickhead.
Oh, don't you fuckin' talk to me
about Don Darrell.
He's fuckin' dead to me!
I tell you what, if you had
one dram of fuckin' loyalty in you, girl,
- he'd be fuckin' dead to you too.
- He is dead to me!
He's fuckin' dead to everybody
'cause he's fuckin' dead.
What did you do with Triple Pet?
What? You got tits for ears?
I told you last night. Somebody stole him.
Oh, really? Okay. Yeah?
And that's how he wound up dead
in the river
with Don Darrell's arm in his mouth,
is it?
What are you on about, girl?
That's not Triple Pet.
Look at those bumps
on the top of its head.
That croc's got all its scutes.
Triple Pet's got half his missing.
And we both know how that happened,
shit shot.
- So where's Triple Pet, then?
- I don't bloody know.
- [WHIRRING]
- Oh, come on! Not this arsehole again!
Get fucked, hovercunt!
- Oi, you, hovercunt, piss off!
- Piss off, you fuckin' dog!
- Frank.
- Fuck Eh?
Frank, hi. Hello. I'm um I'm Dulcie.
I didn't get a chance to meet properly
when you were shooting at us.
Yeah, I know about you.
Have a look at the pair of you, hey?
Shetland pony and a lesbian giraffe.
It's like a fuckin' Disney film
come to life. [LAUGHS]
- Good luck with the case, Edwina.
- [BEEPING]
You're off to a fuckin' flyer so far.
[PAT] This building used to be
the old school.
- Eddie would remember that, wouldn't you?
- [EDDIE] Yep.
Yeah, so anyway, here's the keys
to your vehicle, alright?
That's on loan from
the boys at the Dirks River Station.
So I'd give it a wipe down if I was you.
- Ah.
- The kitchen, just over here.
Bathroom's out the back.
The toilet is non-load bearing.
So just hover over the top of it like
you're riding an invisible motorbike.
That's it. Just make yourselves at home.
- I'm retiring next week.
- Oh!
So I'm doing the handover
with my replacement.
So far it's been like
hand-rearing a baby duck.
Senior Sergeant Heffernan.
Oh, speak of the devil.
Uh, Detectives, this is the incoming
Barra Creek sergeant Luke Ferguson.
Hey, I know you!
Used to work at HQ.
Bushy put his dick in your yoghurt
that time, remember that?
- [EDDIE LAUGHS]
- I do. I do remember that.
Yeah! You still making that homebrew?
Stuff that tastes like
a banana pissed itself.
- It was tropical sour.
- Oh, yeah, it was potent.
Couldn't stop pissing brown, for a week!
What's the deal with the moonboot,
Moonboot?
I had a procedure done
on my plantar fasciitis.
Uh, the Don Darrell autopsy report's
taking an awfully long time to print.
Sorry, the autopsy's been done already?
Yes, and it's taking
a very long time to print.
[PAT] Okay, well just bring it in to
the detectives when it's done, Luke.
I can't do that, Senior Sergeant.
You are supposed to be taking me through
the emergency SOPs
all the way through to lunchtime.
I'm only rostered on until 3pm.
It'll be overtime after that.
Yeah, Okay. Okay. Yep.
[SOFTLY] Jeez, if the weather
doesn't do me in, that boy will.
Just hold tight.
Right, you've gotta open the tray
[CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
[DULCIE] What kind of
backyard forensics office
does an autopsy without
informing the detectives in charge?
It's Territory forensics, mate.
Pretty much just three blokes
and a Commodore 64.
- You've just got to be firm with it.
- [LUKE] Senior Sergeant!
Yes! Coming, Luke!
- No, it's
- Down low, too slow.
Weapon used in the post-mortem
disarticulation of D. Darrell
is a weapon with a cutting edge
attached to a handle or hilt.
- So A knife.
- It's a knife. That's a knife, right.
So his head and arm
were removed after death.
What else does it say?
- That's just it, the knife bit.
- What?
- That's not No, it's not.
- Yeah, it is.
No, what about the time of death
or the cause of death?
- Just the knife.
- Is there a tox report?
"Cause of death unknown"!
[EDDIE] Yeah, they need the torso.
It's got all the vital organs,
the heart, the lungs,
the bum and the boobs.
Sure, but this isn't a forensics report.
This is a book blurb.
Forget about it.
We'll figure this out some other way.
Forensics is a crutch for you anyway.
Come on, let's just go to the Darrells,
shake their shorts,
see what turds fall out.
- Come on, you can drive.
- Oh, can I?
Oh, Eddie, in interviews we refer to
Don's death as a fishing accident.
No mention
we're treating it as a murder.
I know!
I'll be confidential as fuck, mate.
I always am.
- Hi.
- Fuck.
Pat was going to give me a quote about
Don Darrell and then forgot about me.
I heard everything you said.
- [DOOR OPENS]
- You're a fuckin' journo?
Yes, I'm Leo Lee. I write
the NT Times daily Crocwatch column.
Right, well, obviously, I'm a fan,
but if you print anything we just said,
I'll do you
for perverting the course of justice, Okay?
- That's not the charge for that.
- Just keep your hole shut.
Okay, but I'm a trained journalist, so
you should let me investigate with you.
I'm dangerously bored in my job.
I've written the same weekly
croc attack article for months now
and not one person's noticed.
Leo, your help with the crime scene
photos was appreciated,
but I am running
a professional investigation here,
so thank you and no thank you
and goodbye, please and thank you.
Oh.
Uh, there's a recycling bin over
Yes, yes, yeah, Okay. Thank you. Ta.
Oi! Reddy! That bike, that's not yours!
Do I know you?
- Yes. It's Miki.
- Hi, Aunty!
Don't call her Aunty, bub,
she's not black.
Yes, she is.
Did you pretend to be black
to take my ten-year-old's bike?
No! And I didn't take the bike.
Yeah, she paid me $120
to hire it for three days, cash.
Yeah, so we can pay
to get Uncle Al's boat fixed.
Yeah, because I put dog biscuits
in the fuel tank.
- Right, well
- What?
Return it in good condition
and pump up the tyres.
- Come on, let's go.
- Wait, wait, wait! Miffy!
You're a ranger, yeah?
So my crocodile brother Triple Pet's
gone missing.
- Have you seen him in the area?
- Listen, blue heelers,
if you want my ancestral knowledge
and my professional expertise
for your police investigation,
then you can contact my boss, Keith.
Keith can contact me
and I can tell Keith to fuck right off.
Here you go.
Your sunnies.
Alright, come on, you lot.
Auntie Mary said you can collect some
cans at the pub while I'm at work today.
Love the school holidays.
- Come on, Mav!
- Okay, thanks.
How many cans do we
need to collect to make $300?
[EDDIE] That ranger's a bit of a punish.
[BOY REPLIES INDISTINCTLY]
Freaky eyes.
Too many fuckin' colours, if you ask me.
Looks like a poisonous frog.
Put the We don't
need the bike, Eddie!
We have the car. We
have an adult car now.
I've still got five hours left
on the rental.
- [DULCIE] Let's just go.
- [EDDIE] No worries.
I'm going to be your human map.
[BOTH EXCLAIM]
- [INDISTINCT]
- I don't know where
- Turn it off!
- I don't know which one it is!
- Okay!
- The fuckin' button there.
[MUSIC ENDS]
Fucking
[EDDIE] Alright, so when we get there,
I'll take the lead with the Darrells.
[DULCIE] Really? You think that's wise?
Amber all but kneecapped you last night.
At least I'm local, mate.
You stink of rich.
One look at you
and then they'll know you played the oboe
and you're terrified of arse-play.
It was the clarinet, actually.
- [RINGING]
- Oh, it's the superintendent.
Leave it. We're almost there.
- Superintendent.
- [CULKIN] Detective.
I'm just out for a laksa,
thought I'd give you a call,
see how you got on this morning.
[DULCIE] Well, we've just
arrived at the Darrells' now, sir.
So hopefully we can question
all of the family members,
get them to piece together
a picture of Don's final hours.
[COUGHS] Okay. And, uh,
how's Detective Redcliffe getting on?
Really Really great, actually,
but she'd like a therapy puppet.
- Would she? Really? A puppet?
- [WHISPERS] Fuck you!
Okay. To each their own.
I'll let HR know. [CHUCKLES]
They'll be rapt.
I'm doing too many things here.
Oh, actually, sir, we could use
your assistance with forensics.
Don Darrell's autopsy report
was all of eight words.
They didn't give us a cause of death.
Now, we appreciate that
they need more body parts,
but we expected a bit more information.
Yeah, well, that sounds about right,
Detective.
Um, look, I'll make some calls,
see if I can't unblock a few of
those evidence pipelines for you.
Thank you, sir, and we'll do some
old-fashioned pavement
pounding till then.
- [CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
- Alright, I'll leave you to it.
- Okay, bye for now.
- [BEEPING]
Hey, no jokes when we go in there.
They don't work for you, it's like
G-string on an otter.
[CAR DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]
[EDDIE] Yeah, so, um, straight up the
bat, we offer our condoles and, um
I just want to say
how sorry we both are.
Don was, uh
a legend, a river king.
A
sultan of swing.
[AMBER] Shove it up your clack!
Dad would be rolling in his grave
to know you were here.
Yeah, well, he's not in a grave,
is he, so
My C-section's healed, shithead.
I will go you!
- Oh, Amber, stop your rot!
- It's a statement of fact, Okay?
Fine, he's mainly in the river.
Fuck, fine. You go.
Um, uh, uh, Miss, uh, Ms Darrell,
Mrs Darrell,
we just want to ask a few questions
about Don's last movements.
How would we know his last movements?
We didn't follow him to the shitter!
No, sorry, I meant what he was doing
before he died.
Well, say that, then, Scrabble.
You think you're better than me?
No. I never I don't
And I'm a missus, not a miss!
I'm married, to Grent.
- That's my husband there.
- That's Oh.
Oh, that's Congratulations.
Um, so when was the last time
you saw Don?
- Why? What's it to you?
- How fuckin' dare you?
I I am just trying to do my job.
The last time we saw Dad was
[SOBS] It was Sunday night.
Sunday night.
The whole family had tea at the pub.
- You happy?
- So youse didn't see him on Monday, then?
If we'd seen him then,
we would have fuckin' said.
- [PHONE RINGING]
- Tegan, can you get the phone?
So the last time you saw Don
was Sunday night? Okay
Oh, no, no, no. She can't.
That little one can't.
I'm sorry, we are conducting
a police interview. You can't
Hey, she's my best friend.
Tegan was my maid of honour.
Okay?
[TEGAN] It's the funeral home, Ambs.
Okay, well, you tell them, Teegs, that
we're not paying for a full-size coffin.
We only got the head and the arm,
so we'll just do a dog one.
For shit-sakes, Amber!
Stop going on about bloody money.
Well, someone's got to, Mum.
DJ won't, will he?
He just bought a fuckin' duck boat.
Tell them, Teegs.
Hey, DJJ, you've got my bracelet.
Boys don't play with bracelets.
That's gay.
Okay, so, the meal at the pub on Sunday.
Was everyone in good spirits?
- What's it to you?
- Yes.
Do people who aren't in good spirits do
three rounds of croc-sucking cowboys?
- It was a lovely night.
- It was a lovely night. How dare you?
Oh. Okay.
Who are they from, Troy?
"Dear Colleen, Amber, DJ and Trey"
Troy! That's you. Troy.
"Sorry for your loss.
Deepest symphonies, Jason Wade."
- Oh!
- That dick-rat! The bloody nerve.
Troy, you take those birds of paradise
out the back,
and you burn them in the incinerator.
So what happened after dinner?
Dad got eaten by a fuckin' crocodile.
- The girl knows that, Amber!
- No, sorry.
Actually, I meant
what time did you all leave the pub?
[AMBER SIGHS] It's none of your business,
but Dad stayed at the pub,
and then we all left about ten.
We dropped DJ and Troy back here,
and then Mum come back to ours,
'cause all our kids had both-ends gastro.
We were just swapping
out buckets till 5am.
Fuckin' awful.
- Yeah, something ripped through them.
- [CLANG]
[MRS DARRELL]
It's probably that woman's nuggets.
And where did Don go after the pub?
- Probably headed home.
- Okay. And did he make it home?
Did Troy or your other son BJ see him?
DJ. Don Junior.
- How dare you?
- Don J DJ. Sorry. My bad.
Yeah, you're not listening to
a word we're saying.
No-one saw him after the pub.
We already said that.
Right, we're done here.
I've lost my dad, DJJ's lost his pop.
Mum's lost the love of her life.
- We've had a gutful!
- Yeah, we still need to talk to DJ.
DJ's not here. He's taken it hard.
He was Don's favourite.
[EDDIE] Well, tell him we want a word.
Come on, Collins, let's go.
Oh! Um
Actually, I do just have
one more question.
- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.
By the time that Don's remains
were found on Tuesday,
you hadn't seen him for two days.
Where did you think he was?
Fishing.
Right, and what makes you think that
he was fishing?
'Cause on Sunday night
he told us he was going fishing.
And you weren't worried about him?
No. We're not like you city people.
We can go weeks
without talking to each other.
It's called being a family.
Right, well, that feels like
it's hit a natural conclusion.
Uh Great.
We will be in Yes.
Troy! Fire!
- [AMBER] Fuck!
- [MRS DARRELL] Bloody hell!
- Shit!
- Get up, you lazy cunt, there's a fire!
- Fuckin' Darrells.
- Get the hose! Where's the hose?
[TROY] I don't know
where the fuckin' hose is.
Fuck!
[EDDIE] Okay, we question the locals
about Sunday night.
You just sit in the corner
and try not to dog it up again, Scrabble.
[DULCIE] Ugh.
[EDDIE] Come on, you three, cut the shit.
I know you know
what fuckin' went on on Sunday night.
Your arses have been planted here
since 1983.
What about you, Rabbit?
Did you see Don Darrell on Sunday night?
Bert, did you see Don? Huh?
Rog, what about you?
I didn't see anything
pertaining to Don Darrell, Edwina.
I'll tell you
what I did see recently, though.
- Lights in the sky over the DRR.
- No.
Extraterrestrial activity
is increasing exponentially.
[EDDIE] No, no, no!
No cooker shit, Rog, Okay?
Answer my questions
or I'll sign you up for a government ID.
- Hey! Hot one today, boys.
- [MEN RESPOND INDISTINCTLY]
- Nup. Don't start that. Don't start!
- [MEN CONTINUE INDISTINCTLY]
[EDDIE] Don't start that. Fuck my hole.
[MARY] Okay, you boys
keep collecting cans
[ROG] Your government says the DRR
is decommissioned military land.
They're doing something
out there, with my taxes.
[DULCIE] Lynn?
- You don't pay taxes, Rog.
- And this is why.
- That's my man. Fuck the colony, babe.
- Uh-huh.
Oh, this is beautiful.
Because my muse is beautiful.
Those aliens are probably behind all
this. They've probably
got Triple Pet too.
- No!
- Hi, boys. Hot one today.
- Shut up, Joy. Stay out of it, Joy.
- [MEN RESPOND INDISTINCTLY]
Fuck's sake!
[LYNN] Yeah, the Darrells were here
on Sunday night for Don's 70th.
The kids ate five dozen nuggets.
[DULCIE] Uh, Don's 70th?
Why didn't they mention that?
Oh, don't take it personally, Dulcie.
The Darrells probably
just didn't tell you about Don's party
because it's none of your business.
Here we are.
Oh!
- Mary?
- [MARY] Yeah?
- I thought you cleaned up in here.
- No, remember, you were cleaning.
I was digging.
Oh. Don didn't even finish his Steak Cake.
[LYNN SIGHS] I'll get the Kärcher
and pressure-hose the lot of it
out the roller door.
Uh, just leave the mess for now,
thank you, please.
Okay, but we've got to clean it soon.
Pat's having her retirement do in here
next week.
Mary, did the Darrells have a fight?
1982, Tyndall Base, 42.7 degrees,
- still not as
- [ROGER] But this is hotter!
Okay, Okay!
Okay, let's get back to Don Darrell
or I will kill you all.
We were at the Darrells yesterday.
We fed King.
Okay. That's it, line up.
You're all going to die.
Line up, I'm going to shoot you all.
- Hi.
- Agh!
- [JOY] Ron chucked a chook.
- Jesus.
Do you slide in on wheels?
No, I've been here this whole time, again.
If you want to know
what happened that evening,
the drone was filming around the pub
on Sunday night.
I know because I stay in a caravan
out back that barely has a roof.
If you got your hands on the drone,
it might have filmed Don leaving.
Who owns the drone?
I'm not sure, maybe Satan.
[ROG] The croc in this cage isn't King.
- What?
- This is not King.
This croc is missing its scutes.
Those shithouse rats!
[EDDIE] Collins, where are you?
In here.
I know what happened to Triple Pet.
Troy did the penis on the billboard.
- [SIREN WAILS]
- [LOUD ROCK MUSIC]
- [HORN BLARES]
- Oi! Hey!
- Pull over!
- Fuck!
- [DULCIE] Disembark the boat!
- [SIREN WAILS]
- Gun it, Collins! Go!
- [INDISTINCT]
[DULCIE] Go, go.
- [EDDIE] Hey!
- DJ, they're coming.
I know what you two have been up to.
You get down, you croc-napping fuckers.
Do not make me chase you!
That croc in King's cage,
that's Triple Pet, isn't it?
So that means it was King in the river
with your dad's arm in it.
- Troy, split up!
- Okay!
- [EDDIE] Get off!
- No, don't follow me!
Troy, do not jump.
There is no give in that gravel!
[EDDIE] None, mate!
- [TROY] Agh!
- [EDDIE] I told you that'd hurt.
[DULCIE] We need to question you formally.
- Get out of there.
- [TROY SQUEALING]
- [TROY SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
- [EDDIE] Come on, scrap!
- You think you can take me, scrap?
- [SMALL ENGINE REVS]
You wanna take me on?
- Troy! I've got the pee wee!
- [DULCIE] Oh, my God.
- Dismount the tiny bike!
- [EDDIE] Off!
- [ENGINE STOPS]
- Fuck.
Get off, Troy!
[BIKE FAILS TO START]
Fuckin' no!
I didn't do nothing! [SOBS]
I didn't do nothing.
[DULCIE] I found this at the pub today.
Troy, did you graffiti the same penis
and testes onto your father's face?
What? On the billboard?
No, it was those Land of Crocs wankers.
Yeah, it was me.
Wh You dick and balled dad's face?
- [EDDIE] Eh! DJ! DJ!
- Did you?
Dad said my birthday drawing
made him look like a poof, DJ.
- Enough!
- Stop it!
I was angry at him.
Troy, mate, come on. look at me.
- Dads can be tough, yeah?
- Mm.
- We know that.
- Mm.
You know, weight of expectation.
It's a lot.
Collins, her dad, he was shit.
He was an actor. He was in Brigadoon.
N Uh, no, he was a brigadier
in the Defence Force.
The point is, she understands
why you'd want your dad dead.
- No. No.
- [EDDIE] Yeah. No.
You had a fight with your dad at the pub
because of your gay dick art.
No, the fight was because Dad fed
Grent crab and then
his throat closed over.
- Yeah, Dad says allergies are for poofs.
- Yeah, Okay, whatever.
And then after that, you killed your dad,
you fed his arm to King,
your prehistoric garbage disposal.
- That's not what happened!
- Yeah. And then King died
because he choked on that arm,
so you chucked him in the river.
No, King was already
He was already in the river.
- What?
- Sorry, King was already in the river?
Yeah, King got out Saturday night.
The gate was open.
That's why we nicked Triple Pet.
We thought Frank was still in jail!
[TROY] DJ, is it our fault
that Dad's dead?
Yeah, Troy. [SOBS]
King got out, and, right, and then
and then King ate Dad
when Dad fell in the river.
Man, it's fuckin' circle of life shit!
[TROY] King murdered Dad
because we left the gate open!
[SOBS]
[EDDIE] Collins, these two fuckspanners
don't know how Don died.
- Agreed.
- Yeah.
- Mate! Shut up!
- Troy! DJ!
- What the What?!
- Hey!
Where did you two go after the pub
on Sunday night?
Home. Went home.
- Home. He was on his thing.
- Twitch.
Troy Troy was on his Twitch,
and I went out with Rabbit,
setting off some fireworks.
Look, I've got the videos on me socials
to prove it.
- Look, look, 15 blowjobs all in a row.
- [FIREWORKS CRACKLE]
Oh, no, thank you. No fellatio. No, no!
No, they're a type of firework.
- [EDDIE] What?
- [FIREWORKS CONTINUE]
- Like this.
- Okay. Right.
Wait, hang on! What?
They're our confiscated fireworks, Troy!
- Grab 'em!
- No! Concentrate, please!
- Leave them!
- Did you see your dad at all?
He was due back at your place
after the pub, yes?
- No.
- No, Dad went to his place.
- He's at What? I'm not following. No?
- His place?
- He was going to his place.
- Yes, but isn't his place your place?
- No.
- It's our place.
Well, where the fuck is his place, then?
- Dad's donga.
- Dad went to Dad's donga!
[MAN ON RADIO] You're on Top
End Hot Hits with Beefy and the Skid,
where the Mango Madness
is setting in, Skiddy.
[SKID] That's right, Beef. And, big news,
Toby the cadaver dog has joined
the missing backpackers search,
just in time for
Jason Wade's Big Barra Bashnanza,
which kicks off tomorrow in Dirks River.
[BEEF] Maybe Toby will
have time to dip a rod in, Skid.
[SKID] Maybe. Maybe. [LAUGHS]
- [EERIE MUSIC]
- [INSECTS CHIRRUP]
- [DULCIE] No!
- [EDDIE] Come on.
- [DULCIE] No!
- [EDDIE] Why the fuck not?
Superintendent confirmed forensics
is en route and the dongle is
Dong-a! It's a portable building. Soft G.
Roll the end of the G. Dong-a.
However you pronounce it,
it is a suspected crime scene,
so we wait for them.
No, we make our own destiny. I'm going in.
- No, like f un you are!
- Ugh!
We don't have gloves,
we don't have booties,
and it's all potential evidence
in there. No.
Okay, well, I'm going to get Leo
to bring us booties.
- Leo?
- Yeah.
The journo. Told me about the drone.
Why would Leo bring us booties?
They were in the shower block
when I was doing my bedtime bog-log,
- so I asked them to help us with this.
- No, no, no, they won't.
A journalist
is not joining this investigation.
God, Eddie, you should have
checked with me first.
No, fire them.
Pay them out if you have to.
I'm not paying them,
that's the good thing.
They just want first dibs on the
story so they can
turn it into a podcast.
Eh What?
Collins, we need more hands, Okay?
Between the two of us
we've got four hands,
but none of them
know how to turn on a computer.
Leo can handle that for us.
Plus! They've got this vibe
where they barely exist,
like people don't even notice
when they're being interviewed by them.
They think it's the wind.
Hey, hey! No, Eddie, don't open that.
I said we were waiting.
Oh. I forgot.
Ah.
Considering the Darrells' place
looked like the BFG's junk drawer,
Don kept a remarkably clean dongler.
- [EDDIE] Ugh. Donga! It's donga.
- [DULCIE] That's what I said.
Wait.
Is it Is it just me,
or is this place on a lean?
No, you're right, it is on a lean.
- I'm gonna dip a toe in.
- No, don't!
- Just a toe. Just a fuckin' pointer toe.
- No!
- There is no such th
- Oh, fuckin' finally, cunts!
- Eddie!
- Where have you jizz biscuits been?
- Language!
- Got a hard on for your swabs.
Despite the ants, this is a workplace.
I've got a semi, I've
got a semi for your swabs.
Thank you. Hello. Thank you.
We didn't go in.
- Hi, ma'ams!
- Ah!
[EDDIE] G'day, Big Eyes!
[MARY] I'm struggling with these, Lynn.
[LYNN] Just use a hook grip, Mar.
- Hi, Lynn!
- Oh, hi, Cath.
- Hi, Mary.
- Oh, hi, Cath, yeah.
You look busy.
[LYNN] Yeah, always got something to do.
[MARY] I don't think
it'll all dissolve, Lynn.
- [LYNN] Shh!
- [DOG BARKING]
Oh, hello!
Where did you come from? Good boy!
- Aw!
- I've got a new fishing shirt.
And a loose tooth as well.
Loose tooth? Wow. Is this your dog?
Boss isn't Cherry's dog, miss.
No, that's Mav's dog, eh?
Found him on the highway, eh.
Oi, cool car, miss.
Mav loves cars. He stole one once.
Shut up, Cherry.
Oh, I stole Simon Creen's car once.
It was a uni grassroots guerrilla thing
to protest fee deregulation. [LAUGHS]
It didn't work.
Can I get a Hurricane drink from LOCAOA?
Uh, yeah. Sure, you can.
Aunty! She's taking us to Land of Crocs
to see Uncle Al.
Oh, good on you, Cath. I was
running out of cans for them to collect.
[MAV] Cool, I'm in the front.
- Come on, boss.
- Thanks, Miss.
Oh, sick! It's got touchscreen!
Yeah, sure.
This'll be fun.
Where are we going, again?
Kate put me up for this uni placement
because Darwin Forensics
hasn't hired anyone new
- since the Azaria Chamberlain case.
- [EDDIE] Ah.
That's Lauren and Oliver,
the other interns.
They're either siblings or they're dating.
I can't actually tell which.
Anyway, I'm paired with
Toby the cadaver dog
because, according to
the office manager, Diane,
we're in the same pay bracket.
Yeah, well, I'd get him
away from the water, Big Eyes.
He's in the lunch position there.
The lunch position, ma'am?
Oh, shivers! Um
Toby, come on!
- Toby, here, boy.
- [BARKING]
Toby, come on.
[BARKING]
[LAUREN] Toby, good boy!
- Isn't he so cute?
- [EDDIE] Mm.
Yeah. We're all supposed to be
on the backpacker case,
but our boss, the Prof,
sent us here for the day.
But I don't mind
because I'm back with my work mums.
- So, Abby, I was wond
- Oh, yeah!
Oh, no, sorry. I wasn't going to do that.
- Why What's happening here?
- Oh, you
- Oh, you didn't want to Okay, cool.
- No, that's good.
Okay, um, how is
this investigation going?
[LOUD BUZZING]
Hey, did you hear that?
That's not a spacecraft.
I assure you, I did not think it was.
It's that hovercunt drone!
- Oh, Eddie Eddie, leave it!
- Hey! Wait up!
No, it knows stuff.
Oi! I want to talk about
Sunday night in the pub!
So is this a potential crime scene, ma'am?
That's what we're trying to figure out.
Don was headed here on Sunday night,
so we're just looking for anything to
indicate what might have happened.
Did Don make it out here?
You know, was he alone?
Oh, wait, ma'am.
You've just stepped in some Toby poo.
- No. No!
- I'll go get you a bag.
Yep, great.
Hey, hey!
Get back here, you airborne fuck!
I just want to talk!
- Hang on.
- Here, ma'am. You can lean on me.
Ah, thanks. Right. Right.
Ooh.
Is anyone missing a bracelet with
straight-pride symbols on it?
And an iced coffee?
That your bracelet?
No.
Right, well, we did find it this morning
at your dad's dongra.
- His what?
- At the your dad's
- Donga. Your dad's donga.
- Yeah.
Okay. Fuck's sake!
Were you out there last night?
No! I wasn't.
I've got five kids under five,
and Grent's never changed a nappy.
So that could be anyone's.
Sure, but we did see you with it yesterday
when you told Don Junior Junior
he couldn't play with it.
Well, so what that I was at
the donga last night? What's it to you?
What's it to us?
What it What it to us is
is that we think your dad was murdered
out there.
- [DULCIE WHISPERS] Eddie, no!
- Just Fuck!
- Uh
- [AMBER] What?
Yeah, yeah. What?
You fully said Dad was eaten by a croc.
No, we fully didn't.
It was you that said that.
Amber, we know about your dad's 70th,
how he force-fed your husband Grent
mud crabs,
and that resulted in a fight
where those crabs were weaponised.
Why didn't you tell us about
the crab fight, Amber?
Why did you say it was a lovely night?
Clearly, it wasn't.
'Cause it's none of your fuckin' business
that Dad is a cunt!
Ah.
That Dad was a cunt!
Amber, if you don't tell us
why you were out at the donga,
then we're just going to have to guess.
And we think you went out there
to cover up a bit of a dad-murder.
Tell them the truth, Ambs.
Yeah, listen to your mate, Amber.
Fuck off.
[AMBER] Alright, fine.
I was out there
'cause I was looking for the money.
I didn't find it
because someone else has been out there.
I can tell 'cause the donga's
been winched off its blocks.
And aside from that,
I couldn't have killed him
'cause I was at the hospital
all Sunday night with Grent
'cause his throat closed over,
didn't it?
Shut up. Wait, what money?
- The money he wants back!
- The money who wants back?
Him! Fuckin' him! Jason Wade!
That Land of Crocs fuck paid Dad 300 grand
and now he wants it back!
Can I go? I've got meat in the car.
[LEO] So Jason Wade grew up in
Adelaide and attended
an elite boys college
that was burned down by its own old boys
when it went co-ed.
He has no priors, just a caution
for driving 170km
in a 160 school zone.
- Are you Okay?
- [DULCIE] No, I'm not.
I'm police, Leo, and all of this
is official police business.
- Uh-huh?
- I know.
So if you publish anything about this case
before a suspect
is convicted of this crime,
then not only would justice
not be served for the victim,
but the law will come down on you
with the force of a hypernova.
Do you understand?
- I do.
- Good.
But also, if you don't solve this case,
I'm just going to bin the whole thing
because nobody wants to hear about losers.
Where was I?
Anybody want a chip?
Yeah, tastes like BO. Good BO.
Jason is the star and creator of
Jason Wade's Adventures Down Under
and the Marine spin-off,
Jason Wade's Adventures Down Under
Goes More Down Under.
Eight years ago, he opened
Jason Wade's Land of Crocs
and Other Animals Wildlife Park
near Dirks River.
Oh, no. I'm done.
[DULCIE] Oh, Okay. Alright, great.
Well, we'll head to Land of Crocs now.
$350, we got this car yesterday,
is this normal?
- [BOTH] Yeah.
- Detectives!
Hold up.
G'day, Moonboot.
- You don't answer your phone.
- Yeah, 'cause it might be a bill.
Well, it wasn't a bill, it was me.
I was calling because a local man
by the name of Mr Rabbit
reported a body part in the river.
It's in the water off Dickie's Knob.
Okay, great.
Well, I know a ranger that would love to
take you on a boat
to collect that, Luke.
No, no, no, see my shift ends
in ten minutes.
Oh, no, don't look at me.
I didn't bring my goggles.
I'm off to Land of Crocs.
[WHIRRING]
Get out, you mongrel bastard winch!
Get out!
[RECORDING] Did you know Child
Protection Services now has an app?
Just key in your 26-digit client PIN
for access
[WOMAN] You're speaking with Ellen.
Oh, oh, oh! Hi! Hello!
Hi! Hello! Oh, hi, Ellen. Ellen, is it?
- Yes.
- Yes. Ellen, hi.
I'm Michaela Morris and I've recently
become the kinship carer
- for my nephew Maverick.
- One moment please.
No, don't put me on hold. Ellen.
Connecting you with Kinship Services now.
- Ellen?
- Thank you.
- [MUSIC PLAYS OVER PHONE]
- Fuck! At least fuckin' lube me up
before you fuck me like this, Ellen!
[SHOUTS]
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
Are you right?
[ANNOUNCEMENT] It's another big
day at Land of Crocs and Other Animals
with our feeding of Chomp kicking off soon
in the croc arena.
At 3pm we have the batfish feeding
and don't forget to book in for
Hi. I need to speak with Jason Wade.
The office isn't answering.
Yeah, sorry.
It's mad during school holidays.
One adult, that's $75 please.
I'm police.
Unless you're a family of four,
it's $75 please.
Right. Right, yep.
No, I don't need that, I'm just
- Here's your showbag.
- Just gonna try and find
- And here's that.
- Yeah, I just need to know
And don't forget your ticket.
- Great. Thanks.
Here you go, have a nice day. Next.
Could you direct me
towards back of house?
Just a minute.
Thank you so much.
Stand on the black X there, please.
Oh, I just need to be directed towards
back of house.
Okay, Big Fella is to your left,
so look up at him super scared.
Who's up there? Oh.
[ANNOUNCEMENT] At 3pm Kate and
Kate are going into the Tube of Doom.
And then, at 4pm, folks, we have the
Sooty Grunter feeding with me, Roisin.
Okay? But starting now
in the CrocaSphere
- Just go through, please.
- Right. Okay.
It's croc feeding time with Big Fella!
[MAN, ON P.A.] Thanks,
Roisin. Take a seat, folks.
Welcome, welcome. G'day everyone.
My name is Al, and I'm the Land of Crocs
and Other Animals Indigenous Ambassador.
[APPLAUSE]
Can you just
take your seat, please, ma'am?
Can you just take your seat, please?
And this has been in my people's
country since time immemorial.
[SPARSE ATMOSPHERIC
INDIGENOUS MUSIC PLAYS]
Sit down.
[AL] Today, I welcome everyone
in the CrocaSphere to my country.
Cath?
- Sit down!
- [AL] My people have lived in harmony
- Just sit down.
- I am!
- For over 100,000 years
- Oh, my God!
Caring for country, respecting country
and all its creatures.
Why does Uncle have that yidaki?
He doesn't even know how to play.
Like dungalaba.
[TRILLS]
Dungalaba is Language for
my totem, the saltwater crocodile.
[APPLAUSE]
And now, a special surprise for you all,
the Top End's favourite son, Jason Wade!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[JASON] Thanks, Al.
Everybody, give it up for him.
I'll tell you what folks,
no-one knows these rivers and these crocs
better than our mate Al.
We've all learnt so much from him.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
- G'day, g'day.
- [CROWD] G'day, g'day.
- G'day, g'day.
- [CROWD, LOUDER] G'day, g'day.
- G'day, g'day.
- [CROWD] G'day, g'day.
My name is Jason Wade.
I might host a couple of TV shows
- [CHEERING]
- Few fans in the house! Love it.
But seriously, we all know
who the real star of today is.
Ladies and gents,
give it up for Big Fella!
Let's get him out here
and give him a feed!
[EDDIE] Yeah, so Moonboot
said that Rabbit said
that the body part was up around this way.
So we've just got to go up that
um, trib trib
tribitur tree, uh,
by Dickie's Knob.
So I reckon
we just head downstream, Miffy.
It's Miki!
Do you seriously not remember me?
Miki Morris! We went to school together.
Oh, come on! It was you, me, my cousins,
a bunch of white dogs
talking racist shit about us
even though they only shared one fuckin'
face between them like it was a bong.
Come on!
You coat hangered me in Home Ec.
Yeah, because I'd invite you out for darts
at the creepy-face tree
and you'd dog me every time.
Yeah. Cool.
So, what's been happening?
You still at school?
I'm 44.
No shit! Me too.
Hey, I reckon we need to go to
where the crocodile in the sunnies is.
You do realise
that's an activity map for kids?
- Hard Hard left, I reckon, Miffy.
- [BEEP]
[BEEPING CONTINUES]
- Is that your sonar or work's?
- Work's.
- [EDDIE] That's a bull shark.
- [MIKI] I know.
Bull shark give birth to live young,
like you.
You gave birth to your live young.
Is that Is that how it happened?
What's that one? Is that a swordfish?
Swordfish cut their prey in half
with their nose.
It's not a swordfish, alright?
I know what a swordfish is
and that's not a swordfish!
Worse than my kids.
Is it a torso?
Oh, bugger. It's just a foot.
That's not going to help us,
unless Don died of tinea.
Ugh! Where's its big toe?
- [BUZZING]
- [EDDIE] What's that sound?
The hovercunt! Yes!
Oi!
Ooh, hoo, hoo, hoo!
Shit shot, my arse.
[DULCIE] I'm investigating
Don Darrell's death.
Okay, and you've spoken to Amber Darrell.
I have. And your name came up.
You think there's something going on
with me and Amber?
- Uh, no, that is not what I thought.
- [LAUGHS]
- Dulcie, come on.
- "Detective" is fine.
How do I put this politely?
My wife, Althea,
is a former runner-up Miss Australia.
She's won Fashion on the Field,
she's beautiful.
Here, have a look at her cover of Maxim.
Pre-kids, of course.
It's really not necessary
for me to see your wife's photos.
But you get it, though, right?
If I have an affair, it won't be
with someone like Amber Darrell.
She doesn't even
register as a woman to me.
Well, that is not why your name came up.
She told us about the $300,000.
Oh, that. [LAUGHS]
Oh, you had be worried there
for a second, Dulcie.
- Detective.
- [SIGHS]
Why did you give Don Darrell $300,000?
It's to buy King.
The biggest crock in the Territory.
I've been trying to buy him for years.
I knew the Darrells were struggling, so
I made Don an offer he couldn't refuse.
I paid him the cash Friday.
Gonna need that back, obviously,
now that he's dead.
- Don?
- No, King.
I can wait till after the funeral.
You know?
I don't need the cash, obviously.
[CHUCKLES] Make more than that each week
off Hurricane drinks.
Yeah, that makes sense.
They are $35 a pop.
Can't believe you thought I was
having an affair with Amber Darrell!
- [MIMICS RETCHING]
- Not what I thought, so
Anyway, missus and I
have an event to get to.
We're Pearl Ambassadors,
so let me walk you out.
Oh, I
I'll see if I can remember
where the staff exit is.
Not on the ground much anymore,
just, uh, flat-chat, filming my show.
Editing season 12 right now.
Yeah, and then we're gonna do a series
where I drive a fast car
over a salt lake
- Oh, that's alright, I'll get that.
- Back and forth, me and big Russ,
Russell Crowe. [LAUGHS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
Hey, Leo!
I shot down the hovercunt.
So I need you to see if
there's any footage on the drone
of Don leaving the pub.
So, yeah, I action you to action that.
Come on, quick dicks, Leo.
Mm-hm?
[LEO] Ugh!
[EDDIE] That's a foot.
Don't worry about that.
Eddie! I met the most amazing dog today.
Awesome. Yeah, great.
Look!
- [SQUEALS] His name's Boss!
- Yeah.
I'm a bit too busy to talk about dogs
right now, Cath.
Hey, um, Leo, can we hurry this up?
I need to get this foot to forensics
before it gets soupy.
[LEO] There is footage
saved on this drone.
[EDDIE] Is there anything
from Sunday night?
- [OLIVER] I'm going outside, Lozzie.
- [LAUREN] Okay.
[OLIVER] Oh, bloody hell. That was
a monumental waste of time.
There is absolutely nothing here
to suggest this is a crime scene.
[ABBY] Yeah, because someone's
hosed the site down, Oliver.
I mean, look, there's water runoff,
even though it hasn't rained here
since last April.
Of course it's rained here since then,
Ally, that's ridiculous.
- No, it's the tropics.
- Grab Toby, yeah? We're leaving.
Lozzie, let's get out of here.
- [LAUREN] Okay, Ollie.
- Toby, where are you?
[ATTEMPTS TO WHISTLE] Toby?
Toby?
[BLOWS, SPITS]
- [ATTEMPTS TO WHISTLE]
- [SPLASH]
Frig! Frig! Frig! The lunch position!
Toby?
- Toby?
- [BARKING]
Toby, is that you?
[BARKING]
Oliver, Toby found a toe!
It is the crime scene!
[WHINING]
No, Toby, that's evidence! Toby, no!
[SIGHS]
[EDDIE] Yeah, this is good, Leo,
but there's no one around.
The joint's dead.
Looks like a model railway.
Just go around the corner.
[LEO] I can't turn the camera
around, I'm not controlling it.
[EDDIE] No, I've seen people do it.
[LEO] No, you've seen
Google Street View.
[DING]
Oh, that's just me.
That's 76 photos of Boss.
[EDDIE] Cool.
No, no, don't, don't go away!
I haven't seen Don leave the pub.
Where are you going now?
Wait. I know where that is.
That's near Don's donga.
That's his bloody jetty.
G'day, g'day.
Who do we have here, then?
[JASON] So I'm doing K2, then Denali,
then Everest with Nat Geo.
And then I'm back here for a six-parter
where we barbecue fish on the beach.
Sounds fun. Jason, I also will need
your whereabouts for last Sunday night.
My P.A.s know my diary,
so just give them a call.
Great. Who are they?
This is the exit. Do you need a selfie
with me to show the girls back home?
- Ah, no, I think the girls are fine.
- Great, great. Awesome, awesome.
Really great to meet you, Dulcie.
Really special. Okay. Take care.
And your P.A.'s contacts,
I'll just get the numbers of the
Mm.
Thank you. That was Yeah.
[SIGHS]
[PHONE RINGS]
Eddie?
Collins, there was someone else
out at Don's donga.
They got picked up on the drone
on Sunday night.
They're dragging Don's body up the jetty.
[DULCIE] What? Can you tell who it is?
- It's Chomp.
- Sorry, it's who?
- God!
- Chomp, from Land of Crocs.
He's our killer! Collins?
Collins, are you still there?
What the fuck?
Whoa!
Hey!
[GRUNTS]
[BREATHES HEAVILY]