Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s02e02 Episode Script

1
My Patience
wears thin, valmont.
Every moment spent
imprisoned in this
stone casement
is an eternity lost.
I assure you, shendu,
my men are spending
every waking moment
searching
for your talismans.
Aw, come on,
I wanna see
the baseball scores.
Uh-uh, not till I finish
checking out stuie kablooey.
He's the bomb.
You two. Come closer.
Show me the parchment.
Are you a giants
fan, shendu?
(Hisses)
Turn it over!
The hair plugs ad?
The statue of lo pei.
Ha, you wanna see lo pei?
You ought to
check out my salary.
Get it? Low pay?
Fools! Lo pei
was the warrior
who scattered
my talismans
to the 4 corners
of the earth
and turned me
into a statue.
Well,
I guess somebody
did the same
to him, huh?
What goes around
comes around.
No, that is
simply a statue
made of terra cotta.
Whose leggings
Bear inscriptions.
(Hisses) Which may provide
precious clues
as to the whereabouts
of the remaining talismans.
Bring the terra cotta
warrior to me.
Hurry, uncle. We're
on a very tight--
ow!
The great wall
was not built in a day.
Translations
are very tricky.
School to uncle's
in 3.5 minutes.
A new record!
And the crowd
goes wild.
No!
Oh--
oh! What did you do?!
What did you do?
You put an old junk heap
in the middle
of the floor.
That old junk heap
is a priceless
antiquity
on loan
from the museum.
Desecration of
a sacred artifact.
This is very bad.
It's just a crack.
Heh.
Ohh, broken statue.
Sorry.
- Broken statue.
- Sorry.
Broken statue.
Sorry.
Jasmine tea to
calm the nerves.
Yes, I can see my future
in the tea leaves.
The museum
contacts the university,
my career winds up
like that statue.
Ruined. Ow!
Your career not important!
Now, we will never read
the inscriptions.
Knowledge has been
lost forever.
Must call
my insurance agent.
See if I'm covered
for this.
Look.
All we gotta do
is figure out
which pieces go where.
Like a Jigsaw puzzle.
I'm just trying to help.
I think you've
helped enough already.
(Scoffs)
Think again.
"Statue of warrior
lo pei,
ling dynasty,
wantoon region."
So where is it?
Someplace in China.
I meant the statue.
Says here it's on loan
To Jackie chan.
Jackie!
Uncle.
Broken statue
has disappeared.
(Gasps) But how?
The dark hand?
(Gasp)
(Gasp)
We know you
got the statue,
Jackson.
Where is it?
It's missing.
Broken.
Broken.
Missing.
You need to
get your story
straight.
Ok.
But first, tea.
Huh, ooh, wha--whoo!
Ah-aah!
Yeeow!
Jackie! Tea pot
is antique!
Thank you.
Time to cut
to the chase, chan.
And I do mean cut.
Waaa?!
Jackie!
Waste of time, dudes.
Yeah. The statue's
not even here.
I got errands.
So, if the dark hand
did not take
the broken statue,
then who?
My little helper.
The healer.
Ok, humpty dumpty,
maybe all the king's horses
couldn't put you
back together again,
but he never
had one of these.
Yes!
Jackie will be stoked.
Especially if I
help uncle figure out
what these chicken
scratches say
about the talismans.
As if.
Why not get it right
from the horse's mouth?
Motion to the motionless.
Ok, rat,
do your thing.
Yes!
Where am I?
The real world.
Cool, huh?
Now, talismans
pop quiz time.
Talismans? What do
you know of the--
the horse!
Yep. Used my
little pony here
to do a patch job
on your, uh, self.
How can this be?
As the dandelion
scatters its seeds
to the 4 winds,
so did I
scatter the talismans
to the 4 corners
of the earth.
That was then,
and this is section 13.
Got a mess of 'em
right here,
safe and--
here?
Well, not right here.
Downstairs in the, uh, vault.
Show me!
Uh, can't. You've
gotta have clearance to--
oh, boy.
As the silkworm
senses the nearness
of the armored beetle,
I sense the talismans
are at hand.
Not even warm.
Oh, well. So close.
But you need a pass key.
Energy scroll.
Or one of those.
Some are missing.
Where is the dog?
The pig? The monkey?
The rat?
Uh, the rat's
closer than you think.
See, when I
brought you to life,
it kinda got stuck
inside your--
(crash)
I must once again
safeguard these,
lest they fall
into the hands
of the ultimate evil.
Freeze!
Yes, you will.
Immobilizer scroll!
Hold your fire.
Watch out for the child.
Energy scroll.
Really.
I can explain.
No need. The intruder
was obviously an emissary
of the dark hand,
utilizing a high-octane
nerve gas.
You were foolish to
try and stop him
on your own.
But also very brave.
Yeah, well, I try
to be of help.
Yes, and I wish
you would stop helping.
(Gasps)
The talismans! How?
Uh, you know
that broken statue?
Well, he's not
so broken anymore.
Uh, what?!
Don't worry, Jackie.
I can help.
Oop, the "h" word.
I meant help
find the warrior,
not help
do the laundry.
Sorry, miss. Orders.
Ugh! "One cup per load.
Do not overuse."
Hmm.
Tour guide: Next stop,
the rock, a.K.A. Alcatraz.
Although no longer
in use, it was once
the most famous,
most impenetrable
prison in the world.
Impenetrable.
Levitation scroll!
Whoa!
Call maintenance.
Uh, he looks like this.
Only he's not
a statue, right?
Tour guide: Though
originally built as
a civil war fort,
Alcatraz served as
a federal penitentiary
from 1934 through 1963,
housing some of
the world's most
notorious criminals,
including al Capone.
A worthy place to
secure the first
talisman.
Energy scroll!
Wait, please!
Don't do that.
Who are you?
I'm the one
who borrowed you
from the museum.
You need
to come home.
And the talismans
need to be returned
to section 13,
out of reach
of the dark hand.
I know nothing
of dark hands.
Only that the talismans
must remain hidden,
lest they fall
into the hands
of the ultimate evil.
The ultimate evil?
What is that?
You dare ask
a sacred warrior
to speak its name?
But you're
not a warrior.
You're a statue.
Terra cotta. Uh--
(hollow clucking)
I-I-I'll prove it
to you.
Scroll magic.
Oof. Whoa!
Actually,
daily tribune.
Ok, new plan.
How about we
work together?
You know
the location
of the remaining
talismans, right?
Yes. And that is knowledge
you shall never possess.
Energy scroll!
Ooh!
Ah-ah-ah-oh.
Jackie.
Big city, small statue.
What's shendu think,
we're gonna see it
walkin' around?
Don't know. But we got
a read on a talisman.
Whoa. It's the statue.
But he's moving.
Uh, don't usually
see that kind of
behavior in a statue.
Unless he's
packin' talisman, huh?
Guess the boss would
want us to confiscate it?
Yeah, but what
the boss don't know
can't hurt us.
I can dig it.
Ooh.
Aah!
Oh--
unh!
Finn: And he was
whuppin' chan
pretty good.
Rather ironic,
is it not, shendu?
A statue of the man
who turned you
into a statue
is no longer a--
silence!
So, lo pei has
become a living being.
Probably used
the talisman. Oof!
Lo pei possesses
a talisman,
and your men do nothing
to retrieve it?!
Big v, you should've
seen the guy.
He's packin' paper.
Exploding kind.
We'd be toast.
You are expendable.
However,
the talismans are not.
You shall employ a weapon
more powerful than scrolls.
Cunning.
You will convince lo pei
you are his allies,
fellow warriors
of the ling dynasty.
Uh, maybe you
haven't noticed,
shen-dude,
but we don't exactly
have that ancient
warrior look.
Hi. Remember me?
Out of my way, child.
Child?!
I released you.
You should be
calling me master,
and granting me wishes.
Look, I really
messed up,
and I want to
make things right.
How about we just
hop the number 4 bus
to section 13,
return the talismans
to the vault?
No harm, no foul.
What do you say,
big guy?
What is this
strange gesture?
It means a-ok.
We're pals.
The small one
is no pal.
She is the enemy,
o great lo pei.
You know my name?
Sure. We're your homies.
Talk flowery,
like shendu said.
I--I mean, uh,
fellow warriors
from the ling dynasty,
come to help.
As, uh, the dew helps
the morning glory
to blossom.
Oh, yeah.
That's us.
No way you're
buying this.
The emperor
sent us to help you
hide the talisman--
talismans.
You got so many,
he figures we can
do it faster and cheaper.
They are so lying.
They're the dark hand.
Bad guys. Enemies
of Jackie and me!
Yeah, lo pei,
you know Jackie.
The guy who was
trying to bust you up
back on Alcatraz.
He's her uncle.
Uh, by marriage.
Hardly know him,
really. Heh.
As the Lily pad
offers respite
to the weary
bullfrog,
so your service
to our cause is
much appreciated.
No--unh.
Let go! Unh.
A sacred warrior
would never
harm a child.
You are
impostors!
Yes.
(Gasps)
Look out!
Your cab's here.
Unh! Oh!
Hey. Big tipper.
Unh!
Energy scroll.
Uh, uh, power up!
Um,
abracadabra?
Lo pei:
Levitation scroll!
You're ok.
Yes, but I have no wound.
Well, that's 'cause
you're a statue.
Those false warriors
in the employ
of the ultimate evil
now possess the talismans.
I have failed.
Wait. We can
get 'em back.
Where's that old
sacred warrior
spirit?
Eye of the tiger.
Never say never.
Hoo-ah!
Jade! No!
Don't hurt her.
It's ok, Jackie.
Me and lo pei are pals.
Pals. A-ok.
And the talismans?
Oh, those.
Well, the dark hand
kinda got the drop on us,
andEh, heh--
oh.
We'll get the talismans
back. Warriors, yes!
Warriors, no.
You are a child,
and I am an archaeologist.
Er, though not for long
if I don't get you
back to the museum.
Again,
you speak nonsense.
As the Crescent moon
is duty-bound to
follow the sunset,
so shall I
smite this dark hand.
Hoo-ahh!
(Quietly)
Hoo-ahh?
It's an ancient warrior thing.
What is the meaning
of this?
Rooster, ox, bunny, horsey.
We got the whole
kit 'n' caboodle.
Shendu: You failed
to mention the rat.
Uh, sorry,
big cheese, no rat.
Honest.
We checked all his pockets.
(Hisses)
That is because lo pei
carries it within him,
you fools!
You will remove it
or face my wrath.
How are we supposed
to get it from
inside the guy--
bran flakes?
You were
speaking the truth.
I am a statue.
But if this is true,
how--how can it be?
Motion to
the motionless.
Mmm
The power of the rat.
Hey, come on.
Everybody
likes a statue.
The dark hand!
Why? They have
all the talismans.
No, they do not.
Duh.
Immobilizer scroll!
Go, lo.
Shadowkhan.
You must go.
As the bamboo
stands firm
against
the furious hail,
so shall I
stave them off
so long as
I am able.
I entrust you
to guard the talismans
and keep your world safe
from the ultimate evil.
I understand.
Thank you.
Good-bye, pal.
Energy scroll!
We can't just leave him.
You think I want to?
He's on loan
from the museum
in my name.
But we have to
secure the talismans.
The statue is
as good as new.
Uh, I mean old.
Better, even.
You need to
see this, Jade.
Why?
(Gasps)
Hoo-ahh!
Man: Hey, Jackie.
Yes?
Do you collect anything?
I collect a lot
of miniatures.
My secretary
put my little
picture inside.
Did you see that?
I was in Russia,
and there's a big lock
behind my shoulder pack.
When I'd walk,
it was like this.
Because it's, like,
really, really heavy.
I--right now,
I have more than
1,000 cup and saucers.
I'm a pretty funny person.
I collect a lot
of funny things.