Level Up (2012) s02e02 Episode Script

[ GRUNTING ]
[ THUD! ]
[ SCREAMS ]
SCALPS.
[ SCREAMS, SPITS ]
THAT WAS CLOSE.
[ GRUNTS ]
[ BOTH SCREAM ]
SO, THISIS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
WITH A BEARD. [ CHUCKLES ]
THERE'S SOMETHING NOT QUITE
RIGHT WITH THIS GUY.
I MEAN,
BESIDES EVERYTHING.
UH
HE LOOKS FINE TO ME.
[ GROWLS ]
[ ZIP, CRUNCH! ]
WHOA!
WHOA!WHOA!WHOA!
TIME TO TAKE A LITTLE
OFF THE TOP!
[ GROWLS ]
[ GRUNTS ]
[ CLANG! ]
RIGHT!
I DON'T GET IT.
I WAS TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING
HAIR RELATED
WHEN I SCHOOLAGE'D HIM.
NO. DAPPER DWARVES
ARE FRIENDLY IN THE GAME.
THEY'RE PERSONAL BUTLERS
FILLED WITH GOOD CHEER.
BUT THAT GUY DIDN'T OFFER US
TEA OR BISCUITS ONCE!
MAYBE HE SAW HIMSELF
IN THE MIRROR
AND REALIZED HOW [Laughing ]
STUPID HE LOOKED.
[ LAUGHS ]
GUYS,
LOOK HOW COOL I LOOK!
I GOT A HAT, I LOVE MY HAT
[ Off-key ]
AND I'M NEVER, EVER, EVER
GONNA TAKE I
O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-FF ♪
TAKE IT OFF, DANTE.
IT'S FROM THE GAME, SO I
BELONGS IN THE BOOTY BOX.
AND JUST STOP
GOOFING AROUND.
IT'S JUST A HAT, WYATT.
IT'S NOT LIKE I'M WEARING HIS
STEAM GAUNTLET
[ GASPS ]
TAKE IT OFF, DANTE.
FINE.
BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW, WYATT,
MY SINGING IS NOT GOOFY.
IT'S WHIMSICAL.
[ GROANS ]
MY HEAD FEELS FUNNY.
EH, WHATEVER.
IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING.
IT'S SOMETHING.
YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
[ GRUNTS ]
YEP. ONE DAY, BUDDY.
ONE DAY, THESE WILL BE REAL.
NO, THEY WON'T.
[ ELECTRICITY ZAPPING ]
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
[ BELL RINGS ]
DONE.
THAT WAS 43 HOURS
WELL SPENT.
AND THAT'S THE DEFINITION
OF "DEFINITION."
WELL, I AM PUMPED
FOR THIS HAT RELAY.
ESPECIALLY COMING OFF MY VICTORY
AT THE EARMUFF 5K.
OKAY. THIS WHOLE THING
IS CONFUSING.
WHY ARE THEY HAVING
A HAT RACE
TO RAISE MONEY TO BUY SHOES
FOR THE FIRE DEPARTMENT?
BECAUSE
THERE'S ALREADY A SHOE RACE
TO BUY HATS
FOR THE POLICE DEPARTMENT.
OH. [ SCOFFS ]
THE CLOTHING RELAY SCENE
IN THIS TOWN
IS EXTREMELY POLITICAL.
EXCUSE YOU.
HEY!
WHOA. WHAT'S YOUR DEAL?
DUDE!
OH.
WELL, WYATT. I MADE
MY OWN DWARF ARMOR.
SO, HA! ON YOU.
UHARE THOSE
TISSUE BOXES?
IT'S STEAMPUNK.
AND, YES,
THOSE ARE TISSUE BOXES.
I FOUND THE DIRECTIONS
ON "TEH INTERNETS."
YOU JUS
ALWAYS HAVE TO BE
THE CENTER OF ATTENTION,
DON'T YOU?
CENTER OF ATTENTION?
ME?
YOU THINK THAT I
NEED TO BE
THE CENTER
OF ATTENTION?
HOW DARE YOU!
WHOA! UH-OH!
[ GASPS ] NO!
MY PRECARIOUS MASTERPIECE!
[ SCREAMS ]
DANTE!
VICE PRINCIPAL
MS. ELMHURST.
I'LL BE
RUNNING AWAY NOW.
WHAT -- IS THIS
A CARDBOARD SHIRT?!
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
IT'S STEAMPUNK?
[ SIGHS ] I AM SICK OF
YOUR CRAZY CLOTHES.
THIS -- INDIVIDUALITY
IS DISTRACTING YOU
AND EVERYONE ELSE
FROM THEIR SCHOOLWORK!
FROM NOW ON, THIS WHOLE SCHOOL
WILL WEAR UNIFORMS!
[ ALL GASP ]WHAT?
Young man: DID SHE SAY
WE'RE ALL GETTING UNICORNS?
NO. I SAID
YOU'LL ALL WEAR UNIFORMS!
[ ALL GROANING ]
DANTE, YOU ARE ONE SHOULDER PAD
AWAY FROM BIG TROUBLE.
[ ZIP! ]
SOYOU NEED TO PURCHASE
SOME UNIFORMS, EH?
MAX, THIS ISN'T QUITE
WHAT I HAD IN MIND.
HEY, YOU ASKED
FOR SCHOOL UNIFORMS
THAT WOULD DESTROY
THE KIDS' CAN-DO ATTITUDES
AND LEAVE THEIR SPIRITS BROKEN
FOR ALL OF ETERNITY.
YES.
THOSE WERE MY EXACT WORDS.
IT'S PERFECT.
YOU GET CHEAP UNIFORMS,
AND I GET TO UNLOAD MY SURPLUS
FROM THE EROSS LUNAR PRISON
FOR SPACE CRIMES.
REALLY THOUGHT THERE'D BE
SPACE PIRATES BY NOW.
I REALLY THOUGHT THAT.
[ Chuckling ]
I'M REALLY SORRY, DUDE.
GREAT.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO
WEAR MY PANTS LOW
IF THEY'RE
ATTACHED TO MY SHIRT?
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
WELL
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ SIGHS ]
AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU GUYS.
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE
HOW MAD EVERYONE IS
ABOUT THESE UNIFORMS.
YEAH.
WAIT. SERIOUSLY?
THIS IS THE ONLY COLOR
YOU GOT FOR ME?
FOR THIS?!
NO WAY, MAN.
WE'VE GOT TWO COLORS.
THIS IS PRISON PUMPKIN.
AND OVER HERE,
WE'VE GOT OBEDIENT ORANGE.
I KNOW.
IT'S A TOUGH DECISION.
TAKE YOUR TIME.
HMM
THEY'RE THE SAME COLOR!
I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU GOT US INTO
THIS MESS. WAY TO GO, DANTE.
YEAH. WAY TO GO, DANTE.
YEAH. WAY TO GO, DANTE.
COME ON! I THINK THESE UNIFORMS
ARE PRETTY COOL.
YOU'LL BE, LIKE,
REALLY SKINNY TRAFFIC CONES.
TRAFFIC CONES ARE COOL! HEY!
ONLY WHEN THEY'RE USED
FOR MEGAPHONES OR FUNNY HATS!
YOU JUST HAD TO GO AND DRESS UP
LIKE SOME HANDSOME HOBBIT.
DAPPER DWARF.
DAPPER DWARF.
NERDS!
[ SLAMS TABLE ]
SO I LIKE TOP HATS
AND -- AND MONOCLES
WITH ZOOM LENSES!
IS THAT SO WRONG?
UNLESS YOU'RE
A FANCY SCIENTIST, YES.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS
HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT, DANTE?
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BLEND IN
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE?
ALL RIGHT. I'LL TAKE
A PRISON PUMPKIN.
WAIT! NO, NO, NO, NO!
OBEDIENT ORANGE.
WAIT! NO! PRISON PUMPKIN!
[ SIGHS ]
I'M GONNA HAVE TO
GET THESE TAILORED NOW.
SORRY?
THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION.
WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT?
NOT RHETORICAL.
I FORGOT MY LESSON PLAN.
YES?
THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION
WAS A PERIOD OF TECHNOLOGICAL
ADVANCES IN MANUFACTURING --
[ GULPS ]
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
[ Groaning ] AND, UH
EATING
SCALPS.
[ GULPS ]
DELICIOUS SCALPS
WAY TO PLAY DUMB.
I'M GOING TO NAIL THIS!
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION
WAS ABOUT WHEN WOOLLY MAMMOTHS
REFUSED TO BE
OUR SHOWERS ANYMORE,
SO WE HAD TO INVENT ROBOTS
TO EXTINCT THEM.
SO WRONG.
BOTH OF YOU. DANTE,
I EXPECT THIS FROM YOU. BUT
WYATT,
ARE YOU FEELING OKAY?
N-O-O-O! [ GROANS ]
OKAY. JUST CHECKING.
IF YOU START TO FEEL
A LITTLETHROW UP-Y,
RUN TO THE BATHROOM.
I DON'T WANT A BARF-CHAIN
REACTION IN THE CLASSROOM.
PUKE CHAIN!
[ LAUGHS ]
THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.
RIGHT, MAN?
SCALPS!
YEAH.
HE'S WITH ME.
[ GROANS ]
WOW. I ALWAYS FIGURED I'D
SEE YOU IN AN ORANGE JUMPSUIT.
I JUST THOUGH
YOU'D BE ARRESTED FIRST.
ME, TOO. [ CHUCKLES ]
[ Normal voice ] DOES THIS MEAN
I CAN GO COMMIT A CRIME?
NO, DANTE. YOU'RE ALREADY IN
ENOUGH TROUBLE AS IT IS.
NOW, THIS DRESS CODE?
IT'S YOUR FAULT.
UNFAIR, MADAME.
I WORE A TOP HAT.
THAT'S NOT A CRIME.
IF IT WAS,
THE JAILS WOULD BE
OVERFLOWING WITH MAGICIANS
AND ABRAHAM LINCOLNS.
LOVE YOU, ABE.
YEAH, OKAY. LOOK.
MAYBE THE UNIFORM WAS JUS
A BIT OF AN OVERREACTION.
[ Laughing ] YEAH!
BUT RIGHT NOW,
I THINK THA
AVOIDING
MORE TROUBLE AT SCHOOL
IS MORE IMPORTAN
THAN EXPRESSING YOURSELF.
MAYBE I COULD JAZZ IT UP.
JUST A LITTLE.
HAVE YOU SEEN MY
NOSE-PIERCING KIT AROUND?
YOU MEAN THE BOARD AND THE NAIL
YOU KEEP UNDER YOUR BED?
YES.
YEAH, I BOILED I
AND I THREW IT IN THE TRASH.
SEE, I DIDN'T WANT THE TRASH TO
BE INFECTED BY YOUR GARBAGE.
UGH!
WH-- WH--
WHERE AM I GONNA FIND
ANOTHER BOARD AND NAIL,
BARBARA?
NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO
TAKE APART THE SHED.
OH, FOR THE LOVE OF
TINY BUILDINGS, DANTE, COME ON!
CAN YOU PLEASE JUST TRY AND BE
A NORMAL STUDENT FOR A FEW DAYS?
NORMAL BY REGULAR
HUMAN STANDARDS, THAT IS.
PLEASE?
BUT I ALREADY PACKED
MY OWN LUNCH!
[ SIGHS, MUMBLES ]
[ GOBBLE, GOBBLE! ]
[ GRUNTS ]
[ THUD! ]
[ SIGHS ] FINE.
OKAY.
KIDDO!
[ GRUNTS ]
OKAY. I APPRECIATE IT.
OKAY. TRYING TO DO THIS
AS NORMAL AS POSSIBLE.
OKAY. STOP IT NOW.
OKAY.
SEE YA, BARBARA.
[ SIGHS ]
[ SCRATCH! SCRATCH! SCRATCH! ]
[ GROANS LOUDLY ]
HEY, CAN YOU COME TO
SPANISH CLASS WITH ME?
I NEED YOU TO ACT DUMB
AGAIN TO MAKE ME LOOK SMART.
[ Strained ] HAIR.
[ GROANS ]
I THINK YOU MEAN "Sí."
[ SCREAMS ]
OH, NO. I GET IT.
YOU'RE ACTING DUMB ALREADY.
YOU ARE A GOOD FRIEND.
OH, YOU LIKE MY HAIR?
IT'S EASY, MAN.
JUST A LITTLE GLUE AND SYRUP
AND YOU ARE OUT THE DOOR.
[ GROANS ]
ANYWAY, ENOUGH WEIRD TALK.
TODAY'S MY NORMAL DAY.
HEY, SO, I RENTED OU
THE MASCOT HEAD
FROM THE ATHLETIC DEPARTMENT.
WE SHOULD GO SHOOT SOME OF
OUR VIDEO IN THE PARKING LOT.
COME ON. LET'S GO.
MAN, WHA
DON'T YOU PEOPLE GET?
TODAY IS MY NORMAL DAY!
OKAY.
[ GURGLING ]
LET ME HELP. UP.
RAINY DAY! [ CHUCKLES ]
LATER, BUDDY.
[ GROANS LOUDLY ]
GINGER,
YOU HAVE A GREAT SMILE.
BUT YOU SHOULD REALLY
THINK ABOUT GETTING BRACES.
BUT -- NO, NO.
THE DENTIST SAYS THAT THERE'S
NOTHING WRONG WITH MY TEETH.
OH, I'M NOT TALKING ABOU
CORRECTIVE BRACES.
I'M TALKING ABOU
GLAMOUR BRACES.
OH! WYATT!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
BUY A GIRL A SODA
FIRST!
SCALPS.
I KNOW I HAVE A NICE SCALP,
BUT PLEASE!
LOOK, DON'T TOUCH.
AND ALSO, DON'T LOOK!
[ GRUNTS LOUDLY ]
WHY DIDN'T HE
TOUCH MY HAIR?
[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
I DONEED GLAMOUR BRACES.
TOLD YOU.
YOU KNOW,
YOU WERE RIGHT, NATALIE.
THERE ISN'T ONE PICTURE
OF THE GIRLS' WRESTLING TEAM
WITHOUT WYATT SMILING LIKE
A GOOBER IN THE BACKGROUND.
WHOA. KIND OF POPPING
MY PERSONAL-SPACE BUBBLE, THERE.
SHOULDN'T WE BE FOCUSED ON
TRYING TO PHOTOSHOP WYAT
OUT OF AT LEAS
ONE OF THESE PICTURES?
[ SIGHS ]
I THINK WE SHOULD
BRUSH HAIR.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
I SPENT THREE SECONDS ON THIS.
HAIR!
YOU KNOW, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS
LAST WEEK.
BECCA MENDEZ
IS GETTING BEST HAIR.
GET OVER IT.
[ SIGHS ]
[ MOANING ]
[ MOANING CONTINUES ]
OOH, DANTE, SOMETHING
IS SERIOUSLY WRONG.
I KNOW! SHH!
I AM TRYING TO RANDOMLY
FILL IN THESE BUBBLES.
CAN YOU PLEASE,
PLEASE NOT GET ME IN TROUBLE?
AAH! DUDE.
EVERYONE IN THE SCHOOL'S
GOING CRAZY.
IT HAS TO BE A LEAK.
AAH!
[ INHALES SHARPLY ]
LOOKS LIKE THE CLASS IS FINALLY
TURNING ON MR. SPENADER.
WHERE WERE ALL OF YOU
SIX MONTHS AGO?
AAH!
[ GRUNTS ]
COME ON, DANTE!
LYLE.
I'M TIRED OF
GETTING INTO TROUBLE
AND MAKING PROBLEMS
FOR EVERYONE, OKAY?
YOU GUYS WERE RIGHT.
I DON'T NEED TO ACT DIFFEREN
ALL THE TIME.
FROM NOW ON,
I'M PLAYING IT NORMSIES.
DANTE! NO TALKING.
STOP TOUCHING MY HAIR!
YOUR FINGERS ARE
COVERED IN NACHO DUST!
STOP IT!
MY HAIR
IS CAREFULLY COIFFED!
"WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING" -- "C."
CAREFULLY COIFFED!
"THE RUSSIANS" -- "C"
I'M NOT LEGALLY ALLOWED
TO RETALIATE, BUT I WANT TO!
OH, MAN.
THAT TEST WAS BRUTALITY, HUH?
SCALPS.
I KNOW.
I'M PRETTY WIPED.
COULD GO FOR A NAPPY,
TOO.
SCA-A-A-LPS.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE HIT UP
THAT CHAIR IN THE LIBRARY
DURING LUNCH?
[ MOANS ]
THAT SEEMS NOT RIGHT.
[ STUDENTS MOANING ]
[ GRUNTS ]
LYLE. I THINK YOU WERE RIGH
ABOUT A LEAK.
SOMETHING IS GOING ON
WITH EVERYONE AT SCHOOL.
PHILBERT COLLAPSED
IN THE HALLWAY,
AND HE DOESN'T USUALLY COLLAPSE
UNTIL AFTER LUNCH.
[ GRUNTS ]
SCA-A-A-LPS.
YEAH.
EVERYONE AROUND HERE
IS ITCHING THEIR SCALPS.
COULD IT BE THAT MAYBE THE LEAK
IS MAKING EVERYBODY
MOVE FUNNY?
SCALPS?
NO, MY SCALP IS FINE.
ALTHOUGH, I DID
NOTICE SOMETHING STRANGE
WHEN I PUT ON
THAT TOP HAT.
MAYBE THAT'S IT!
MAYBE THE LEAK IS ON MY
I'M TOTALLY BLANKING.
[ GROANS ]
SCALPS!
SCALP! YES! THAT'S IT!
I THINK THERE'S A LEAK
ON EVERYBODY'S SCALPS!
IN EVERYBODY'S HAIR!
SCALPS.
YEAH. I JUST SAID THAT.
[ GRUNTS ] SCALPS.
OKAY, LET'S NOT TRY TO TAKE
ALL THE CREDIT, WYATT.
[ GRUNTS ]
SCALPS.
OH, NO.
WAIT A MINUTE.
IT'S GOTTEN YOU, TOO.
[ SCREAMING ]
[ GROANING ]
[ SCREAMS ]
GRAVITY PUSH! HYAH!
[ GASPING ]
NO.
NO! NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!
GET AWAY FROM ME!
NO RUNNING
MISTER -- HA-A-A-IR.
[ SCREAMS ]
[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS IT?
WHERE IS IT?
BARBARA!
HAVE YOU SEEN
MY ZOMBIE SURVIVAL KIT?!
FORGET IT.
I'LL GET ANOTHER BOARD AND NAIL
OFF THE SHED.
WE'RE GONNA NEED
A NEW SHED!
OKAY. I GOT TO FIGURE OU
HOW TO STOP THIS.
ESPECIALLY BEFORE
THAT HAT RELAY.
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
BARBARA?
SCALPS?
I HOPE THESE UNIFORMS DON'
CHANGE COLOR WHEN THEY'RE WET.
N-O-O-O-O-O!
EVERYONE'S TURNED INTO
A ZOMBIE, MAX!
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
I'VE GOT MORE BAD NEWS.
YOU'VE GOT HEAD LICE,
MY GOOD MAN.
IS THAT SO SURPRISING?
[ RIP! ]
OW!
NOT JUST ANY HEAD LICE.
[ COMPUTER BEEPING ]
THESE ARE BINARY BUGS --
HYPNOTIC HEAD LICE FROM
"CONQUEROR OF ALL WORLDS."
I INFECTED THE DRUIDS OF
SMARTOPOLIS WITH THEM
TO KEEP THEM
FROM GETTING TOO SMART.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
THOSE GUYS ARE IN MY HAIR?
COUPLE THOUSAND
OF THEM.
I SHOULD BE DISTURBED.
BUT, NO. [ SNIFFS ]
NOT HAPPENING.
THERE ARE THREE STAGES
OF HYPNOTIC HEAD LICE.
FIRST,
THEY MAKE YOUR HEAD ITCHY.
SECOND, THEY TURN YOU INTO
A HAIR-OBSESSED ZOMBIE.
THIRD, YOUR BRAIN
TURNS INTO PURPLE GOO
AND LEAKS OU
OF YOUR EARS.
ITCHY TO ZOMBIE?
THAT'S A BIG JUMP.
UGH.
STAND BACK!
[ LAUGHS ] I GOT ONE!
SO HOW COME
I'M NOT ZOMBIED?
WELL, THERE'S ONLY
ONE EXPLANATION.
WHEN'S THE LAST TIME
YOU SHOWERED?
3:00.
I'LL NEVER FORGE
THAT TRAGIC DAY.
THE EXTRA LAYER OF FILTH
ON YOUR HEAD
IS TOO THICK FOR THE LICE
TO PENETRATE YOUR BRAIN!
SO NOT SHOWERING
ACTUALLY PAID OFF?
YES!
I KNEW IT!
I KNEW IT!YES!
LOOK A
ALL THE NORMAL PEOPLE NOW.
[ LAUGHS ]
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
MAYBE I CAN CODE SOME SORT OF
ENCHANTED SHAMPOO
TO KILL
THE HYPNOTIC HEAD LICE.
UGH, HOW ARE WE
GONNA GET IT ON THEM?
FREE HAIR?
NO ZOMBIE CAN RESIS
A DEAL LIKE THAT.
THIS IS GENUINELY
A GREAT IDEA.
THEN ONCE THEY'RE IN HERE,
WE CAN WASH AND 'POO 'EM.
SHAMPOO'EM IS THE PROPER
INDUSTRY TERM, I BELIEVE.
BUT 'POO
[Laughing] IS FAR FUNNIER
NOW THA
I THINK ABOUT IT.NO, NO.
LET'S 'POO 'EM ALL.
ZOMBIES WILL BE ROLLING IN HERE
ANY MINUTE NOW.
AND WE'LL DOUSE 'EM
WITH THIS MAGIC SHAMPOO.
[ DOOR CREAKS ]
ALL RIGHT! FREE HAIR?
HE'S NOT A ZOMBIE.
GET OUT.
NO. I NEED THIS, OKAY?
MY GIRLFRIEND'S
ABOUT TO LEAVE ME, SO --
GET OUT! GET OUT!
YOU'VE SAID TOO MUCH!
YOU SAID TOO MUCH!
THIS ISN'
GOING TO WORK.
[ SIGHS ]
HAM HOCKS!
THE HAT RELAY.
[ Muffled ]
SAVE YOURSELVES!
Man: ALL RIGHT. LET'S TAKE
A CLOSER LOOK, SHALL WE?
MAYBE
I'M JUST OUT OF TOUCH,
BUT KIDS TODAY
ARE WACK TO THE MAX.
YEAH. I'M HOME-SCHOOLING
THIS ONE.
THIS PLACE
IS CRAWLING WITH ZOMBIES.
WE'RE TOO LATE, DANTE.
QUICKLY, TO MY SEAPLANE!
FIJI AWAITS!
WAIT, MAX! LOOK!
THEY'RE NOT ALL
COMPLETELY GOO-BRAINED YET.
LYLE.
HE'S STILL HANDSOME
AS A ZOMBIE.
HE MUST NOT HAVE
COMPLETELY TURNED!
AND LOOK
AT EVERYONE ELSE!
YEAH,
WE'VE STILL GOT TIME
BEFORE ZOMBIES AND NORMIES
START SWAPPING HATS
AND SPREADING HYPNOTIC HEAD LICE
TO EVERYONE!
OOH. MIGHT BE TOO LATE
FOR THAT PHILBERT KID.
THE HEAD LICE MUST HAVE
DEVOURED HIS TINY LITTLE BRAIN
IN MINUTES.
NAH.
HE KIND OF LAYS AROUND
LIKE THAT A LOT,
SO HE MIGHT STILL BE GOOD.
BUT WE STILL HAVE TO WASH
A TON OF HEADS RIGHT NOW!
I PROPOSE
WE HOPE FOR RAIN.
SUPER HARD.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!
PLEASE, PLEASE.
HEY! GO, BARBARA!
STEPDAD WITH A PENSION!
[ LAUGHS ]
[ GASPS ]
WAIT.
YES!
Man: RELAY RACERS,
PLEASE TAKE YOUR SPOT
AT THE STARTING LINE.
NOW, BEFORE WE BEGIN,
I WOULD LIKE TO READ A POEM
IN HONOR OF THE DAVENTRY HILLS
FIRE DEPARTMEN
TO REMIND US ALL WHAT WE'RE HERE
HAT-RELAYING FOR.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
"BURNING WITH THE PASSION
OF A THOUSAND SUNS,
YOU FIGHT YOUR CRIMES
WITH WATER, NOT GUNS."
[ ALL MOANING ]
FINE. WE'LL SKIP IT.
BACK TO MY
VISION BOARD YOU GO.
ON YOUR MARKS
GET SET
[ MOANING CONTINUES ]
RAIN!
RAIN, YOU STUPID SKY!
[ GUN COCKS ]
WATER-HO!
[ SCREAMS ]
RINSE AND REPEAT, ZOMBIE SCUM!
I MEAN BEST FRIENDS!
[ SCREAMING ]
NICE.
[ BEEP ]
NOTE TO SELF --
BUY A FIRE TRUCK.
EH, BUY 10.
[ GRUNTS ]
BARBARA! BARBARA!
AAH! PHIL!
PHIL! PHIL!
I LOVE YOU, MAN!
I LOVE YOU, MAN!
DIE, YOU MUTANT LICE!
[ SCREAMS ]
[ MOANING STOPS ]
[ COUGHING, SPITTING ]
MY LAPTOP!
UGH.
FIVE MORE MINUTES, MOM,
OKAY?
I'M A HERO.
I'M A HERO!
Ms. Elmhurst: DANTE!
I'M IN TROUBLE,
AREN'T I?
YOU ARE IN
ALLTHE TROUBLES.
[ LAUGHS ]
AND THATIS HOW
YOU CREATE A $1 BILL.
YOU KNOW YOU CAN
TAKE THAT OFF, RIGHT WYATT?
THE SCHOOL BOARD
TOLD MS. ELMHURST,
"IF YOU WANT THE KIDS
TO WEAR UNIFORMS,
THE TEACHERS HAVE GOT TO
WEAR THEM, TOO."
SO
MM-HMM.
[ SMACKS LIPS ]
CAN YOU TEXT ME
WHEN YOU FIND OUT THESE THINGS?
IT WOULD SAVE ME
A LOT OF EMBARRASSMENT.OKAY.
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES,
IT'S KIND OF COOL
THAT DANTE IS THE WAY HE IS.
OTHERWISE,
WE'D BE ZOMBIES.
[ BABBLING ]
[ LAUGHS ]
CHECK OUT WHAT I MADE IN SHOP.
OOH!
I'M A TV!
I TAKE IT ALL BACK.
YEP. THAT'S DANTE.
HE'S A WEIRD ONE.
RIGHT, LYLE?
COME ON, COME ON,
COME ON!
LET ME IN!
WAIT A MINUTE!
YOU MADE BOWLING PLANS?
I'M SUPPOSED TO HAVE DINNER
WITH MY BOSS TONIGHT!
[ GASPS ]
HOW ARE WE GONNA
GET OUT OF THIS ONE?
[ IMITATES STATIC ]
[ Rapping ] BUST A RHYME,
AND YOU GOT TO DO IT RIGHT ♪
[ IMITATES STATIC ]
[ BOTH SPEAKING SPANISH ]
NEURONS. LET'S GO.
WAIT, I WANT FIND OU
WHAT HAPPENS.
[ GASPS ] SENORITA
NO --
SCA-A-A-A-LPS.
[ SCREAMS ]