Neon Joe, Werewolf Hunter (2015) s02e02 Episode Script

1
Previously on
"Neon Joe, Werewolf He-yump"
He's my Elon Musk-type
associate.
Moon is alive.
Yeah, we hear you.
Moon is alive.
You stole my ex-wife
and left her for dead!
Joe, don't leave me!
Joe, you're under arrest
for the murder of Plaid Jeff.
Joe.
I got a bad feeling about this.
Don't you worry about nothin',
Cleve, all right?
Joe all cool as a cucumber.
Matter of fact,
this the only evidence
I need to win the case.
All rise for
the Honorable Judge Kelly Wong.
So, has the jury
reached a verdict?
We have, Your Honor.
We find Neon Joe
guilty
- No!!
of first-degree murder.
Very well.
The court hereby
I'd like to make an offer.
The court recognizes
Elon Musk-type,
billionaire inventor,
Vance Dontay.
Your Honor,
if it please the court
I'd like to house Neon Joe,
for free,
in my private
maximum-security prison,
"Foursome Country."
Deal.
No!
No!!
Noooooo!!
No!!
♪♪
The world of
lycanthropic justicide
bid farewell to a legend today
as Plaid Jeff's murderer,
Neon Joe,
was sentenced to life in prison.
You in Foursome Country now!
Ooh, fresh meat walkin'!
Hey.
So, uh, welcome.
I'm I'm I'm Terry,
by the way.
That's a cool eye patch.
What happened?
What are you lookin' for?
A tunnel.
Or the beginnin' of a tunnel
so I can escape, clear my name.
There are no tunnels in here.
But, uh, I could show you
around the prison.
Maybe we find one.
There's no tunnels in there.
This is our wheelchair factory,
very popular.
Hey, Bobby.
Hey, I got a new cell mate.
Yeah, so, no tunnels in there,
either
uh, definitely.
Hey, Gar, who's it goin'?
I got a new cell mate.
Oh! Country-music star,
Joshy Cashington,
is gonna be playin' one song
here tonight.
Well, I've always wanted
to see the man
who prefers to be
exclusively clad
in midnight blue.
Oh, and tomorrow night
is the big costume ball
at the lady prison
down the river.
Hey, uh, why does it say
"head nod" in parenthetical?
Oh, yeah.
The sign was confusing.
Yeah, we thought there was something
wrong with the guy's neck,
so they put "head nod"
in parentheses
to clarify that he wasn't hurt.
He's just noddin' his head
toward the lady prison
down the river.
The Mexicans
wanted to go in black face,
and the blacks
wanted to go in Mexican face,
till everyone realized
it was Big Lair's plan
to start a race war.
Who Big Lair?
That's him, with his Nazi,
skinhead, doo-wop group,
White-Acca-Power.
They run the cafe's
open-mic night.
Ah-bow, ah-bow,
ah-bow-bow-bow-bow ♪
Jews run the media,
Jews run the banks ♪
Let's kill 'em all
and blame it on the blacks ♪
We gotta bring those
doo-a-dang-alang ♪
Diddy-wop-do-wop
Jews to their knees ♪
Je-e-e-ws
to their knees ♪
Whoo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
Jews to their ♪
Whoo ♪
Knees ♪
Big Larry might be the devil,
but he got
the voice of an angel.
You got to call him
"Big Lair."
Last guy to call him Big Larry
was never heard from again.
Are you eyeballin' me, new meat?
No.
Just wonderin' why
an Aryan named "Larry"
would call himself "Big Lair"
and not "Big Larryan."
Missed opportunity
for a super-cool pun.
I could kill you right now.
Don't do it, Big Lair.
You kill him, then no dance
at the ladies prison
down the river,
and you don't get your jollies.
Think about your jollies,
Big Lair.
Yeah.
Neon Joe, you got a visitor.
Seem like this conversation
is to be be
a-be-bah-be-di-bop,
boo-da-la-bah,
a-be-da-bah-dah-boo-dah,
shamma-lamma-continued.
Don't worry about Oahu Joe's.
I'm taking good care of her.
Oh, hey, do know
that Yuri used to be
an actual cosmonaut?
Yeah, he keeps askin'
somethin' about, like,
where you keep the hearts
of the werewolves you killed?
Weird.
Yuri's so funny.
He was over there the other day,
and he had a napkin on his head.
We started putting napkins
on our heads too.
What the hell?
♪♪
What are you, moon, huh?
Oh?
Oh, coming!
Hey!
I've been lookin'
all over for you.
Joshy Cashington's
about to play his one song.
Oh, well, let's go hear it.
You boys ready to hear one song?
Yeah!
I hate to add to y'all's misery,
but, uh
it seems that my bass player,
he done gone and broke his arm.
Tommy?
Get on out here, Tommy!
Now, who did this to you, Tommy?
It wasn't me, right?
Right?!
So, unless one of y'all
can come up here,
take Tommy's place,
I'm afraid I can't play
for y'all today.
Oh, my goodness.
Well, hey.
This here ain't
no ordinary bass, men.
This here is the long bass.
Yeah!
All right.
It seems that we got
two confident souls
think that they can play
the long bass.
Let's see, now.
How about you
with the eye patch?
Yeah, I like a man
with a gimmick.
You come on up here.
Let's hear it.
If you're as good
as you think you are,
you should have no trouble
keepin' up.
One, two, three, he'yow!
Ho!
That's my cell mate!
No waitin' till after the dance.
I kill him tonight.
You can't do that, Big Lair.
He's a white man like us.
Shame he ain't
one of them white Jews.
Then it'd be all right.
That's it.
Convince him to convert,
and then I get my jollies
all over that Jew.
Whoo! That's right!
Let's hear it!
All right!
Wow!
What'd you say your name was?
Neon Joe.
Well, Joe,
you just did me a solid.
Now, you let me know
if ever I can return that favor.
Well, he-yump.
Now, one more hand for Neon Joe,
the most
musically-talented inmate
in all of
Foursome County Prison.
Aah!
What goin' on he-yump.
Well, um, see, uh,
me and the boys
were, uh, wondering
well, hoping
Will you help us
learn the long bass?
Oh-ho!
Yeah, we put some 2x4s together
and some laces
and, uh, made one.
Well, look at that.
♪♪
We got off on the wrong foot.
I'd like to apologize.
I brought you my favorite book
from the prison library
as a peace offering.
Your favorite book, the Torah?
Marked a couple passages
that resonated with me, so
Yeah, when I reach for
scripture,
I-I go for the "Book o' Joe,"
psalm 69.
This is the word of God,
as told to Moses, retold,
passed down
from generation to generation
for 5,000 years.
You know, it sound to me like
you tryin' to get me
to convert to Judaism
so you can murder me
for being a Hebrew.
Why don't you make
your covenant with God
and find out?
Hey, Neon Joe.
You got a visitor.
That probably my friend Cleve.
Shalom-ya-later.
Don't think about it.
Like, when I do the long bass,
it's just a thing.
Like, be-boo-be-doo,
diddle-loo-do, right?
Long bass ain't for everybody.
What you doin' here?
I know you didn't kill
Plaid Jeff.
Did you know that the land
this prison was built on
used to be
an old pretzel factory?
The very factory where you left
your ex-wife to die.
In fact, your cell sits atop
the exact
6-foot-by-8-foot plot
where she perished.
Don't leave me! Aah!
How could you possibly
know that?
I know many things, Neon Joe.
What's your plan, Stan?
What you schemin', demon?
Why you keep tappin' that box,
Goldilocks?
Oh, just
planting seeds is all.
I want you to spend
the rest of your life
haunted by the memory
of the night
you abandoned your ex-wife
in her greatest hour of need.
My ex-wife and I
had a deal!
- What goin' on he-yump?!
- Inmate!
Sit back from the Elon Musk-type
owner of this prison!
Enjoy the rest of your life.
♪♪
I ain't go
I'm not go oh, God,
wh yem uh, leave you.
Ahh!
Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Yuh! Guh!
Don't don't leave me!
Aah!!
We had a deal.
We had a deal.
Help me!
I gotta go.
Aah!
Aah! Aaaaaahhhh!
It's just a bad dream.
Bad dream?
Or bad memory?
You're the wolf that killed
my dead ex-wife.
You lucky you dead,
or I'd kill you again.
I didn't kill
your ex-wife.
Your ex-wife killed me.
My dead ex-wife killed you?
She's not
your dead ex-wife.
She's your alive ex-wife.
My ex-wife ain't dead?
Then, she ain't my ex-wife.
She's still my wife.
There's only one way out.
Which is?
I'm not telling you,
wolf hunter.
Looks like you'll spend
the rest of your life
haunted by the memory
of the night you abandoned
your ex-wife.
Haunted by the memory
of the night
you abandoned your ex-wife.
Planting seeds
Legend has it,
werewolf need his heart
to get to the other side.
You help me bust out of here,
I'll get you
the eternal rest you crave.
Good night, Yuri.
Good night, Cleve.
I like Ashley's new tattoo.
Yeah, she clearly
wanted tattoos like Neon Joe
because she's so into him.
Anyways, thanks for
helpin' out around here.
All right, bye.
Where are those werewolf hearts?
♪♪
Hey.
♪♪
Mm.
Think, Yuri!
Maybe Joe hid hearts
behind dusty, old decoys.
♪♪
♪♪
Werewolf heart.
Ha-ha-ha,
the decoys are decoys!
What's that, Big Lair?
It's a kippah,
or in Yiddish,
"yarmulke."
So, Neon Joe puts a yarmulke
on his head,
cuts himself,
and then bleeds to death.
He ain't wearin' it.
I am.
When I see Neon Joe,
I'm gonna use it
to slit his throat.
L'hitra'ot.
That's "see you later"
in Hebrew.
How do I look?
Terry, is dat you?
Uh-huh.
I fear that I have
succumbed to the prison flu.
I won't be able to partake
in the big dance down the river.
Ah.
Oh, hey, Big Lair.
Have fun at the dance.
I'm sick.
See?
When I get back,
you're a dead man, boychik.
Have fun at the dance, Terry.
I'm gonna miss you.
Hey, uh, Jake!
Why don't you stop
slappin' them cards,
get on down here,
slap this long bass?
I'd love to, Neon Joe,
but I don't want
to get into any trouble.
You the only guard on duty!
Ain't nobody gonna know!
And I bet you didn't
think about none of that
long tush you gonna get
when you slappin'
this long bass.
Am I right?
You know what?
I hadn't.
Oh-ho, yeah!
Well, then, why don't you, uh,
get on down here?
Let's play some bass, man!
Can't wait to taste
some of that long tush.
I'll tell you that.
All right, so,
which way that sewer?
This way or this way?
It's this way.
Let's do it.
I knew you were faking.
What are you, some kind of
Hebrew for Hitler now?
I'm an Ashke-Nazi.
Pretty good pun.
Don't make up for droppin'
the ball on Big Larryan,
but, uh, yeah,
that was pretty good.
The more I studied the Torah,
the more I knew that the Jews
are the chosen people,
and it's the non-Jews
who should all die.
And now I'm gonna send you
to Hell!
But the Jews don't believe
in the afterlife.
Talmudic Rabbis have long argued
about what happens to us,
but they all agree
that it's what we do here
that's most important!
Yeah?
Well, how did the Torah feel
about a Jew killin' a Jew?
It's against it!
Then, you better
drop that kippah,
'cause I too
have converted to Judaism.
You're a liar.
Allow me to show you
my covenant with God.
Wow.
I've never seen
a more perfect cut.
Choke on it.
Ohh, I'chaim!
Oh, he-yump.
He-yump. He-yump.
When did you have time to convert?
I didn't.
A werewolf did that.
Now let's get
the he-yump outta here.
It's a long-bass injury!
We got a prison break!
Seems like you makin' me
go this way on purpose.
I did.
It's right up here.
Is it close?
About 500 yards.
I'm gonna he-yump.
Just follow the stink.
He-yow!
Joshy.
"Taking a sick day.
Be back soon. Yuri."
Looks like I'm workin'
twice as hard today.
Hey.
Where did the ducks go?
I've never seen Big Lair
look so peaceful.
Must have found solace
right before he died.
Mm.
I'll oy what he's veying.
♪♪