Sausage Party: Foodtopia (2024) s02e02 Episode Script

1
[vibrant orchestral music]
Foodtopia ♪
[foods clamoring]
How can you do me like this?
I got so many of you fridge time.
I started the revolution!
Fuck the revolution!
[gasps] "Fuck the revolution?"
You know what?
-Fuck you.
-[foods arguing]
I got you, Frank.
I'll always be here to lift you up.
Put me down.
Right away, I can do that too.
[sputters] I'm sure this won't be
a problem going forward.
But, uh, did any of you happen to grab
some bath salts before we were exiled?
Yeah, yeah, I packed them in my exile bag,
along with my exile pillow,
and my exile exfoliating face cream
We didn't know
we were gonna be exiled, genius.
But you did know
that we were gonna be exiled.
So you didn't exactly think that through,
did you, Barry?
-The fuck did you just say?
-Well, did you not hear it?
'Cause I could say it again.
I could say it a lot louder!
Oh, yeah, you think you could remember
the whole thing you just said?
-And say it again, word for word.
-Honestly, most of it.
This close to my face?
You can say it again?
Easy, big Bar'. He doesn't mean it.
That's just his pain talking.
And I would I would know.
My one-bagel show,
it has a heart-wrenching scene
before the second intermission,
where I, y'know,
I have this very poignant conversation
with my own pain.
It starts with my pain chasing me
around the stage and tackling me
-because I've been running away from it
-Yeah.
-It's chasing you, yeah, I know.
-for so long. Okay, the point is,
right now, Frank's all the way down here.
He's the weakest link.
Which is, y'know, why you need to be
the bigger sausage.
When are you gonna take
the Duncan Donut makeup off?
When the character has left me, okay?
Don't deflect.
Fine. I'll bury my feelings. Again.
Even though now we're exiled too,
because of him.
Look on the bright side.
Y'know, if-if any food is strong enough
to survive in the wild, it's you, right?
Well, y'know, admittedly
I'm not nearly as well-equipped,
but the thought of an exodus,
I don't know,
just seems to sit well with me
for some reason.
Okay, so how are things going over here?
Oh, I was just saying how
my two best friends double-crossed me,
the whole town rejected me,
and Foodtopia was an utter failure.
Which means Brenda
died for nothing.
Oh, okay, so, y'know, not great, huh?
But come on, Frank.
There's a whole world of food out there
that we liberated.
We can go anywhere. Perform anything.
I mean, it's like a fresh start
for all of us.
Yeah! Y'know, I haven't really thought
about it since getting captured,
and almost burned alive by you guys,
but my hometown is only a few miles away.
Ah. We had a huge grocery store,
and a pretty happening restaurant scene.
I bet there's tons of food there.
[birds chirping]
You know what, Jack? You're right.
There is hope.
There has to be a better place for us.
There has to be.
You hear that? Fuck all of y'all!
You will rue the day you exiled
Frank Frankfurter and his friends.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow,
or the day after that,
or honestly the day after that,
or probably even the day after that.
But you will fucking rue
one of these days!
[food] Uh, no we won't!
[groans] Let's get the fuck outta here,
I hate this place.
[adventurous music playing]
Hey, listen, not for nothing,
but you did a good job
holding your beef tongue back there.
Yeah, thanks. But just so you know,
I love Frank,
but I can only take one more
"Did Brenda die for nothing"
before I lose it on him.
This is exciting. We’re off to meet
a whole new town of foods. [laughs]
Wonder who's gonna be there.
I'm gonna take you
to all my favorite restaurants, Frank.
Starting with this great Hungarian place.
Loved their goulash.
Yeah, can't wait to meet him.
I bet he's surly but loyal.
Yeah, loyal foods? That'd be nice.
You know, this feels really good.
Feels like a fresh start.
New foods comes new minds
and new opportunities.
Absolutely. I, for one, am looking forward
to finally being accepted by food
without the baggage of being called
"the humey dragon"
or the "Big Farting Giant."
Which stung a little extra 'cause The BFG
was my favorite book growing up.
Now I can just be Jack.
-[crows cawing]
-Jeez.
Good thing we have a walking scarecrow.
Let's hop on the BFG,
and hightail it the fuck outta here.
[grunting]
At least I’ll always have
James and the Giant Peach.
[Barry] Hey!
Keep Peach’s name
out your fucking mouth!
She has alo-peach-a.
There’s a spot on her head
where fuzz doesn’t quite grow
as much as it once did.
[sputters] I'm so sorry.
Damn, Barry just slapped
the shit outta me.
I don’t think it should be
that hard a sell for you
to convince new foods
that I’m barely a humey anymore.
[pants] I mean, I'm basically one of you.
[laughs] I don't know if this is helpful,
but to some things, I really am food.
Y'know, to mountain lions, crocodiles
Other cannibals.
There you go. See? I'm a food.
And probably a yummy one at that.
[deep sigh]
[breathing heavily]
-[Frank] Jack, you all right?
-[grunts] Never been better.
Just, uh, need a few seconds to get
the feeling back in my legs and spine.
Y'know what?
You got us pretty far up the hill, Jack.
-You deserve a rest.
-Really?
Oh, thanks Barry.
That's actually really thoughtful of you.
-Don't mention it, I'll take it from here.
-Oh, no, that's not what I [yelps]
-[grunts]
-Ah!
Uh, my tired limbs
shouldn't be moving this way.
[panting] Not built
for this kind of labor.
I'm a bank teller's son.
Just the two of us, Frank.
These long journeys
can get a little boring, huh?
Actually, I’m quite enjoying
just thinking quietly
-about what the future may hold.
-Worry not, my friend,
you are traveling with the right bagel.
I've got a library of pitches
to keep you entertained. Curtain up.
We open on a small bin
on the Lower East Side of Shopwell's
My father was a bagel.
As was his father before him
My mother was a classic yenta.
Always going on about how loud
the neighboring schmears were
a shelf over
Which happened on the very same night
that I had my first kiss,
with a tantalizingly fresh tub
of whitefish salad.
If I close my eyes,
-I can still taste the fish.
-[Frank gags]
I was a late bloomer. My seeds came in
way later than my friends.
-As they always reminded me.
-[grunts]
[Sammy] Especially in the showers.
[Jack yells, grunts]
Which all stems, of course,
from when the rabbi held me down
and cut off the tip
of my doughy little cock
without my consent.
My brothers and I had to walk
three shelves
-just to get to school.
-[Jack panting]
We’d jokingly refer to it
as the stairway to leaven.
[Sammy] I was taught that milk and meat
shouldn't mix.
Then one day, I saw a roast beef
blowing a creamer and thought,
-"Ah, that's unholy and disgusting"
-Oh, God, what is that?!
[groaning, grunts]
-[Jack panting]
-Hey! You pushed me from the cart!
[deep voice] No, you pushed me
from the cart.
[normal voice] But the truth is,
we both pushed each other.
And it made us fall in love.
Will you fucking stop?!
Everyone stop. Everyone fucking stop.
Uh, everything they're doing.
Not just him.
-[grunts]
-[screams]
[groans]
No-no worries,
we're actually right
at the second intermission,
out of seven.
Hey, Jack, how much further?
[sputtering] W-wait.
Before you start me up again,
I could really use a drink.
No offense. I'd drink my own pee
if I had any in me.
The best I can offer
is to spit in your mouth,
but I'm not sure how refreshing
that's gonna feel.
[exclaims] Is that a cactus?
Or a cactus mirage?
Barry, could you find a clever way
to get inside that prickly little tree?
Sure thing, Jack.
Here you go. [grunts]
[grunting]
[screams] Ah, it hurts!
Thank you, though.
Now could you pour it into my mouth?
[grunts]
-[spiders chittering]
-[screams]
[spitting, groans]
All right, Barry come on, let’s go.
Come on, get his butt into gear.
[Jack screams]
Fine.
[Jack spitting]
[Jack snoring]
[snoring]
[screams] Where am I?!
Ah, how am I running?
Oh, right, Barry.
[suspenseful music playing]
W-w-w-wait, there it is!
We made it!
That's your town? A long hole?
Is any part of your life not sad?
No, no, no.
My hometown’s on the other side
of this tunnel.
Way to go, Jack.
You deserve the dignity of passing
the threshold of your hometown
on your own two feet.
[groans]
[whimpering]
[all chanting] Jack! Jack! Jack!
Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack!
[Sammy] Go Jack, go Jack, go.
There you go. Who's a big guy
who can do it all on his own?
Hmm, I don't know.
This is lookin' pretty unstable.
I-I don't know how safe this is.
Good call, safety first.
Feeling a lot safer. Go ahead, Jack.
Okay
I trust you.
[ominous music playing]
Pretty cozy in here, huh?
Almost feels like we're back
in the package.
Yeah, well, that's a long time ago.
Lot's changed since then.
Well one thing hasn't.
We're still together.
Remember our package motto?
"Fancy dogs for life?"
Feels like forever since we said that
to each other,
but I want you to know,
I do still consider you my fancy dog.
For life.
Thanks, man.
That actually means a lot. You too.
And about that whole exile thing?
I just wanna say
I ain't mad at ya.
What was that you just said?
I said, "I ain't mad at ya."
You're not mad at me? [grunts]
[screams in pain]
Who's pinching my inner thigh?
-[loud crash]
-[walls rumbling]
[tense music playing]
Whew, that was a close one.
[sneezes]
[sneeze echoes]
[screams] Run!
[suspenseful music playing]
[yells]
[screams, panting]
[groaning]
[breathing heavily]
[Barry sighs] That was way closer
than it needed to be.
Sorry, I'm not used to running
with so much food in my pockets.
Look!
It's the Stockton Sewage Treatment Plant!
That's the first place I got high.
Off the fumes of sewage.
Everyone plug your noses.
[triumphant music plays]
This is it, we made it!
New town, new audience.
Showtime, fellas!
-[triumphant music stops]
-[crows cawing]
[Frank] Uh, hello?
[eerie music playing]
Jeez, where's all the liberated food?
You said this town would be packed,
how is this possible?
Goulash! Goulash, where are you?
[winds whooshing]
Goulash?
[flies buzzing]
Man, I really didn't think this through.
All these dead bodies hit home
a lot more when you're
home.
Oh, God! That's Mr. Glenn.
He told the Homeowner's Association
I was too old to trick or treat.
And now he's dead.
Oh, God, everyone's gone but me.
No, something's off.
There was a struggle.
No, let me, unhand me
A cookie crumbled here.
[groaning]
A family of strawberries were running
Running, run, run.
Pitter-patter, pitter-patter.
And then were dragged
[ominous music playing]
Maybe they all left?
Why leave a perfectly good town?
I don't know. To find something better?
Because there has to be something
better out there, period?
I feel it, okay?
I feel it in my cartilage.
If you feel it your cartilage,
then it must be true.
Right? You hear that, Jack?
Frank feels it in his cartilage.
Where are you all winking at me?
[distorted] We're not.
[distorted] Why would we
be winking at you
when all you do is let us down?
Winking is for friends.
Oh, no. The bath salts are wearing off.
I can't see any of your left eyes.
It's happening, you're all fading!
Like the picture in Back to the Future.
-Help me, Doc!
-[Frank distorted] Calm down.
-How many fingers am I holding up?
-Three? Two?
Uh, one? [yells] I already lost
the whole human race,
I can't lose you too!
[normal voice] Well, Barry, you happy?
This is 'cause you didn't bring
the bath salts. Nice going.
[laughs] That's a funny take.
Wow, I could've sworn something happened
just right before that.
Oh, right, we were exiled.
Because of you.
No, it's 'cause everyone in our town
fucking sucks.
Oh, my God.
Take some fucking ownership for once.
Face it, you pushed them all too far.
I tried to tell you, but you never listen.
I-I mean, does anyone ever really listen?
How dare you put this on me.
If you were a better head of security,
we wouldn't have been exiled.
Head of security was a tough job.
It can get so political.
They were going to assassinate you.
How 'bout a thank you
for saving your life?
Some life, thanks a ton.
I was a good leader. I was the only one
trying to make a difference.
Uh, fellas?
Yeah, and look where you lead us.
Is this the promised land
you were hoping for?
There's no fucking food around anywhere.
-Uh, that may not be accurate.
-[berries grumbling]
[ethereal music playing]
Are those
Wild berries.
[Frank] Which means
we found food! Yes!
I told you, Barry, you idiot.
In your fucking face!
Hello, new friends! I am Frank.
What are all your names?
Heggenah yub jub!
Hiya, Heggenah. That's a cool name.
Heggenah.
What's your name?
Heggenah yub jub.
Oh, another Heggenah Yub Jub.
Wow, same name. Wild.
Uh, anyway, this is Sammy. That's Barry.
[berries chanting] Heggenah yub jub!
-Okay, group hug it is!
-What the fuck are you doing?!
Run!
Heggenah yub jub!
[yells]
[suspenseful music playing]
Ah!
[winces]
[Frank yelling]
[Barry grunts]
You wanna get wild, come on.
Let's get wild.
Wait, what?
[Jack yelling in pain]
Look at that, they're only attacking Jack.
I actually got kinda worried.
I'm beginning to think
I maybe misinterpreted
the "heggenah yub jub" thing.
And maybe it wasn't all their names,
and it means something else.
What do you think it means?
KILL THE HUMAN!
[Jack yelling]
I don't know, but, y'know,
it's a very musical,
-very melodic language, isn't it?
-[Jack screams]
They're like little piranhas!
Their teeth are tiny but razor sharp!
[suspenseful music continues]
Oh, oh, they're in my pants!
[screams] They're gonna bite my bits!
[Barry grunting] Jack, I'm going back in.
[deep inhale]
[grunting]
[grunting]
[yells]
[berries] Heggenah yub jub!
[Jack panting]
[berries] Heggenah yub jub!
[yelling]
[suspenseful music continues]
[grunts]
[berries chittering]
We’re gonna need to jump it.
Uh, no-no-no-no. I can't jump that.
An Olympian couldn't jump that.
I don't know what an Olympian is
but I'm pretty sure they never had
a hot dog up their ass.
-Let’s go, baby.
-[grunts]
[suspenseful music continues]
[yells]
Here we go!
-[Jack grunts]
-[music slows]
[laughs] We're doing it!
We're gonna make it!
[inspirational music playing]
[grunts]
[yells]
Whoa, whoa!
[Jack and Frank yelling]
-[dramatic music playing]
-Oh, fuck!
[yells]
[groans] Is everyone okay?
I think so. Frank?
Oh, no, I'm fantastic.
I'm just really, once again,
letting it sink in
that the revolution that we started
was pointless.
That there is no such thing as Foodtopia,
and the love of my life, Brenda Bunson,
turned to mush in my hands for nothing
Ow, what the fuck, Barry?
You act like you're the only food
that's ever lost a food!
-I loved her too.
-Not like I did.
Yeah? If you loved her so much,
then why'd you go fuck a humey?
We were on a break!
[both struggling]
[Jack] What's happening?
Are you guys wrestling or dancing?
-[straining]
-Hey, come on! Just use your words.
Fuck you, Frank!
Fuck you, Barry!
Okay, try different words, nicer ones.
Y'know, you're friends!
No, we're not.
We're just two hot dogs
that came from the same package,
and we've been stuck together
ever since.
You think I wanna be stuck with you?
I'm tired of looking out
for your ungrateful ass
all the fucking time.
I'd walk away from you right now,
but I'm afraid you'd stab me
in the back again. [grunts]
Ah!
[Barry and Frank struggling]
I see lights in the distance.
Oh, that can't be good.
Hey, fellas, you're gonna wanna see this.
[inspirational music playing]
No fucking way.
Look at that.
What'd I tell ya?
The promised land.
[triumphant music plays]