The Dry (2022) s02e02 Episode Script

This is me.
Nice gaff. Posho.
Oh, no. My parents
bought it in the '80s,
It was like a different
time. We're not rich.
It's a joke. Oh.
I had a great time
tonight. Me, too.
Can we do this again?
Maybe. Mm-hm.
SHE CLEARS THROA
CAR DOOR SHUTS
MUSIC: 'Jackpot' by
Sorcha Richardson.
Red light, break
it If you want it
I'm a good time I'll
take you to the summit ♪
I should probably Yeah.
Yeah. SHE CLEARS THROAT.
I promise that you'll love it
It's a thin line
But everybody does it
And that first night
I saw you in the city
By the church yard Knew
that this would kill me ♪
Definitely do this
again. Definitely.
SHE MOANS, THEY BREATHE HEAVILY
If it's a long game
Then I know how to play it
That's my first name ♪
Do you want to come inside?
Oh, it's fine. Everyone's
having sex in there.
HE CHUCKLES, MUSIC CUTS
Shiv HE PANTS
I'm opening tomorrow.
Don't be so fucking boring.
I just It's fine.
Shiv, just stop, will you?
Sorry. I just think we
should probably you know.
Oh, yeah. No, course. Course.
HE BREATHES HEAVILY
Great night, though.
Totally. THEY CHUCKLE.
HE CLEARS THROA
How long were you seeing
Shane before you
What? Rode him.
It's what you meant.
Was it a couple of
dates or Minutes?
CUP THUDS
And, like were you
sure he wanted to?
Jesus, Shiv, I'm not rapey.
Yeah, no, I know.
I just meant
Is there an appropriate
amount of time
you're supposed to
wait before you?
If you're with the right
person, it doesn't matter.
I slept with Shane
on our first date.
Yup!
Look at us now.
He climbs out your bedroom
window every time he stays over.
He's not good with family, OK?
Shit! Fuck-off Finbar's up!
SHE GROANS Is he
actually living here now?
Where was he living before?
Morning! ALL: Morning.
Oh, doing a clear-out?
Date night, and I've
nothing to wear.
Really?
SHE SIGHS Well, nothing
sexy, you know.
Oh.
Cos you have to make the effort.
What, to keep them interested?
How do you even
know when they are?
Oh, I think you
know. I'm exhausted!
SHE EXHALES LOUDLY
Well, I could come shopping.
Help you look for something?
Not that I know
anything about men.
No, it's all right, love.
I'll find something.
Oh, Jesus, is that the time?
I'm gonna be late.
Morning. Morning.
That hedge could do with a trim.
I'll call the guy
who did it last time.
Ah, no, no, no, no. I'll do it.
There's no point in
spending good money.
Right.
Is there any news of Pam's
trial? Have they set a date yet?
I can't talk now,
Tom. I have a meeting.
Right.
SHE SIGHS It's what
you're paid for, Bibi!
I'm sorry. I forgot.
What's going on?
We've no-one to
teach the geriatrics.
The? The over-60s
evening class.
Shelley's on maternity. Again
(!) Bibi forgot to get cover.
Well, she's always
popping out babies.
How am I meant to keep up?
SHE TUTS AND SIGHS Shit!
It's life drawing class.
This is the only reason
they even sign up!
I could cover.
You?
I have a degree in fine art.
Really? It was on my CV.
I can show you my
portfolio, if you
No. God, no-one
wants to see that.
Are you free the next
three Tuesday nights?
Yeah, yeah.
Fine. You can do it.
Really?
Oh, my God. Thanks, Dearbhla.
But remember, they
don't like pronouns,
they will expect biscuits,
and thank fuck the model's already
booked because it's the only
This is the only bit of tit
they have seen since 1996.
Hiya there.
HE GRUNTS
OK, all the best!
TYRES SCREECH, THUMP
Oh
Is it a bit young?
It's fabulous!
Look at those pins!
DOOR OPENS Ant.
Tell me the truth. Am I
mutton dressed as lamb?
You're mutton
dressed as something.
Don't mind Oedipus
here. You look fab!
Finbar'll be jizzing
in his little Y's.
Sorry, you are?
Oh, this is Billy. My
sponsor. Slash stylist.
Queer eye to get
Ma the ride, wha'?
OK CHUCKLES UNCOMFORTABLY
Are we going for lunch?
Cos I only have the hour.
Oh Billy's gonna join.
Cool.
Have we met before? You
look kind of familiar.
Listen, honey, full disclosure.
When I was on the lash, I rode
half of Dublin in full blackout.
Could've given you a suck,
wouldn't have a fuck.
Gone are them days,
wha'? HE CHUCKLES.
Aw. Isn't he brilliant?
Here you go, cappuccino
for the man. Thanks.
Thank you. How you feeling?
Er, good, yeah. Feel fine.
Yeah. And how's the the back?
I always had a bit of
a twinge, you know.
Nothing to do with the
It's only a little bump, you
know. No big deal. I'm fine.
Looking forward to
going back out there.
Listen, Tom. You've been
here a while, right?
A good while, yeah.
I'll work till I'm dead.
But obviously, like, with
this, er accident
It was a bump.
But we have to be
careful cos insurance.
All that jazz.
Davy said you'd a crash on
the motorway, few years back.
What? No!
Oh erm, my daughter was
It-it It was nothing.
Look, Tom.
You're old school.
And we respect that! We do.
Customers love you, you've
got great relationships
But, erm, this is a business.
We've got targets now,
and you're Slow.
Slower. And maybe not
safe on the roads.
Nobody wants to retire.
Well, except me.
At 40, when I'm a millionaire.
You beat me to it!
HE CHUCKLES Yeah.
Obviously, we'll
need the van back.
It was so weird, Karen.
The way he just
He made me feel like I'd I'd
crossed a line or something.
Maybe you did. What?
No. No. He was definitely
about to come in, and then
Your inner addict wanted
instant gratification.
You have told him
you're a drunk, right?
Well I mean
No. Not yet.
I thought we agreed! THUD.
Radical honesty if you're
gonna start dating.
It hasn't come up! He
barely drinks himself.
Well, that's a
bit fuckin' weird.
Well, he's always working late
or, you know, opening early.
Which is a bit weird for
Oh, my God, do you
think he's married?
No.
Then he's just totally
repulsed by me,
and now, he's texting
me to finish it,
and I'm gonna be rejected, and
I knew this was gonna happen.
I knew! I shouldn't have
You're doing that thing
again. 'What thing?'
'Letting another man unhinge ya.
'Are you there? Shiv?'
Jesus Christ.
'What? Is it a
man?' I have to go.
LOUD THUDS Shiv?
Oi, Shiv, wait up!
Hey, what are you
doing? Hi, Jack.
Do you know how long I've been
trying to get hold of you?
I've been texting, calling
I changed my number.
Oh. I just thought you
were back in London.
No. I didn't go back to
I have to go. What?!
We've nothing to say
to each other, Jack.
Wait.
You didn't change
your number cos of me?
I, er, I BABY STARTS CRYING.
You should deal with that.
Hey! Hey
Hey, it's OK. Hey, hey. It's
OK. Look, whoa Shiv?!
SHE EXHALES SHARPLY
Oh, fuck!
It's like she's had a
full frontal lobotomy.
You mean a frontal-lobe lobotomy?
Like, you can't get five minutes
with her anymore
without Fuck-off Finbar
or Billy blowing
smoke up her arse.
Like, who even is
Billy? She seems happy.
MOBILE VIBRATES
It's all her fault.
Hi, Shiv, you've broken Mum.
What? Would I Would I
have to be totally naked?
How much?
HE SNORTS See ya later.
Nah, anyway, can't,
meeting Max's pals,
who only ever talk about law.
Sorry. Er, her model cancelled.
Maxie! Hi!
MAX GASPS
Heard you're on the O'Brien
case. Can't wait to hear.
Yeah.
Right, I'm off.
All set?
Erm, Bibi Thanks
for doing this, Shiv,
cos if I fuck up one more
time, Dearbhla's gonna fire me,
and I'm saving for a kitten.
No worries.
And think, if this goes well, maybe
they'll give you more teaching
and you won't have to be a
shitty receptionist forever.
Jesus, no.
Whoo-hoo, we're here!
Aunty Ag? Uncle Joe?
What are you What
are you doing here?
We've been coming to
this class for two years.
You're not the only artist
in this family, you know.
Where's Shelley?
I'm teaching tonight.
You? With your history?
What history?
We're supposed to be doing a
life-drawing class tonight.
We've been looking
forward to this all term.
It'd be a terrible shame if
you were to disappoint us now,
the way you've disappointed
your family your whole life.
Wouldn't it?
Well, it's a good thing I
won't be disappointing you
because we are doing
life-drawing tonight.
Where's the model?
DIALLING TONE
'Hiya, it's Karen.
Leave a message.'
Shiv.
I need a massive favour.
So, what happened to the van?
Well Oh, the engine, er, cut
out when I was doing deliveries.
Had to get it towed.
But they'll get you a
replacement? Yeah. Yeah.
Might have to wait a few weeks.
Jesus, you'll go crazy.
Yeah, I know. Ask Mum
to borrow the car.
What? Ah, no. Why?
She doesn't need it, except for
driving to fucking meetings.
No, I I don't
want to bother her.
Is that Rory?
Oh, yeah. Well, at least he's
getting out of the house.
Who's that with him?
Probably just a running
buddy from the track.
Right.
CAR HORN
Er, it's green, love.
CAR BEEPS It's green!
CAR BEEPS AGAIN Oh, right. Yeah.
OK. So, welcome to the class.
I'm Shiv, I'll be teaching.
This is Alex. He'll
be modelling.
If I'd known it was
gonna be a bloke,
I would have watched
the football.
ALEX CHUCKLES
If you just wanna
ALEX CLEARS THROAT.
Oh. Ooh.
S So, er, for this class, we
won't get into too much detail.
We're simply looking at shape
Very nice.
And er, proportion.
Generous, I'd say. Very.
He's not a piece of meat, OK?
Let's just show some respect!
Alex is a friend
of mine, and a person,
who has very kindly
agreed to model for us,
so let's all just be mindful
of making him feel comfortable,
and safe and not pressurised.
Let's just all respect
his boundaries.
So, he's not a professional
model? No. Not full time. No.
What do you do the rest of the time?
I work in the restaurant sector.
Yes, he manages The Pony
Cafe around the corner.
Owns. Owns? I own The Pony Cafe.
Oh! I didn't I didn't know.
And the Longwood in Portobello.
Oh, I didn't realise you
I heard that's very good.
And The Lobster Pot in
Stoneybatter. The Lobster Pot?!
Didn't that get a
Michelin star? Yeah.
You own three restaurants.
AUNTY AG: Very enterprising.
How well do you know this fella?
I had a lovely red snapper at the
Longwood only a few weeks ago.
OK! OK, let's just
get back to the
Point here is to capture
the important things.
Light and shade, cock
position, perspective
THEY CHUCKLE
Co composition.
Just do your best, everyone, OK?
And I'll be here if
anyone needs any help.
MAN: Think you're
the one who needs it.
Well done, Shiv.
That's a well-stocked
man you've found there.
Thanks, Uncle Joe.
I'm so sorry.
No, look, it's nice to have
an appreciative audience.
And, let's face it,
you've been trying to take
my clothes off since day one.
Er, speaking of trying to
get your clothes off
HE CHUCKLES
did I do something last
night to make you feel
I just thought we were
having a good time and
We were having a good time.
Did you just not want to?
HE SIGHS
Can I make you dinner?
So, Ant, how's work? Good, yeah.
Really, really good. We're
impressed you even have a job.
THEY CHUCKLE
Hm? He doesn't mean you.
It's just that Max's
other boyfriends were
What?
He loves a fixer-upper,
put it that way.
A fixer-upper? He has this
thing for broken birds.
You know, guys with no
direction, or ambition or
Cash. And Maxie's
such a catch
Mm. It's why it always
goes tits up, you know?
They're never at his level.
Except for you!
God, yeah, you're
like a total step up.
Right? Mm. Yep.
What's wrong with
you? THEY LAUGH.
MAX: Look who I met at the bar.
This is Mikail, he
works at my gym.
Annie, Ryan, my boyfriend,
Ant. MIKAIL: Nice to meet you.
I can't believe you own
three restaurants
HE CHUCKLES
What, did you think I was
just some sexy barista?
Kind of, yeah.
HE CLEARS THROA
Why didn't you tell me?
I kind of felt you were
holding something back.
And I couldn't
figure it out, so
I guess I started
holding back, too.
I dunno.
I'm sober. Like Like, now?
As in, I-I used to drink. A lot.
I have a problem.
And I go to meetings
and I have a sponsor,
and not drinking is basically the
most important thing in my life.
Oh, and I've made some really
fucked-up choices in relationships.
And even though I'm
not drinking anymore,
I I still feel that
addicty part of me, you know,
just moving too fast or
wanting instant gratification,
or being totally,
totally inappropriate
Shiv which, if I was, by
the way, the other night,
I'm I'm really sorry.
Look, I've I've
You know, I haven't dated anyone
in, like, a really long time,
and no-one as nice as you.
And I just think it's Shiv.
Very important that we're
honest with each other.
So, if you're, like
If you've gone off me,
or if you're not really into
this anymore, or if, like,
what I'm saying is, like,
way too fuckin' Shiv.
Mm-hm. I appreciate
you telling me.
Oh.
And, look, I've my
own baggage too, OK?
I mean, my family
Nightmare.
Well, you've met my
Aunty Ag, so Yeah.
Think she liked me. Yeah.
My old lad's been in and out
of jail a couple of times.
And, erm
I've had some trust
stuff in the past.
People that were close to
me, letting me down. Mm.
I like you.
I like you, too.
And instead of just
jumping into bed
and ripping each other's
clothes off, which
I do wanna do, by the way
HE CHUCKLES
I thought maybe we'd just
get to know each other first,
and build something proper.
So long as that's something
that you're interested in.
Oh, yeah. I'd be definitely
be Yeah, I Yeah.
Yeah? Yeah.
Well, it was so easy
Just to fall in love
But it's a whole different
story Just to stay in love
Oh, was he tall
And was he handsome
Was he a breath
of fresh air ♪
Blowjob?
Charming and enticing
She could take you
Out of here
Cos you're young And you're
full of joy in your steps
And no-one's gonna tell
you What's coming next ♪
HE SIGHS
Well, it was so easy ♪
Well, look at you! ♪
Just to fall in love
But it's a whole different
story Just to stay in love
So come home, stay
here Tell me what to do
Oh, go home and stay there
Would you tell me what to do?
Oh, come home and stay here
Tell me what to do
Oh, go home and stay there
Tell me what I should do ♪
ALEX CHUCKLES
What about health
and safety? Fuck it.
Still taking it slow?
Absolutely.
That it feels like that
Oh, if it's so easy
I'll throw it back to you
And if it's so easy, yeah
I still don't know what to do
Oh, it's so damn
difficult To ask how you are
It was so damn difficult
To know who you were
Are you fickle,
are you bitter?
Look for something knew
Are you tired, are you sickened
That you could not see it through? ♪
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