Gilligan's Island (1964) s02e03 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder rumbling]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship set ground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
[In distinctive chattering]
Y la pistol a! La pistol a!
[Laughing]
[Shouting in foreign language]
La pistol a!
La pistol a Donde esta la pis
Who are you?
I am pancho hernando
Gonzalez enriques Rodriguez,
ex-presidente de la
republica de equarico.
And I'm George Washington,
ex-president of the United States.
Ah! You have been exiled, too!
Get your hands up and tell me the truth.
Who are you? I am telling you the truth.
Until yesterday, I am president
of the republic of equarico.
Today ex-president.
A real live president? Oh,
I'm real pleased to meet you.
Pleased to meet you. Now
you get your hands up, George!
I was kidding about being
George Washington. I'm gilligan.
What is in that basket, food?
Yeah, berries. You want some?
Keep your hands up and drop the basket.
No, hands up! Drop the basket.
You eat first.
I just had breakfast.
Eat!
Enough!
You don't feel sick? No.
Eh a little dizzy?
No.
Eh maybe woozy in the stomach?
No. No?
Ok.
Now I eat.
I suppose now you want me
to take you to my leader, right?
Wrong. In my country there's a saying
"He who has gun is the leader."
March and take my bag with you.
Hand up.
[Instrumental music]
[Gunshot]
Was that a gunshot, gilligan
who are you?
Heavens, the gestapo!
That was only the first bullet.
There are 5 little brothers in there
waiting their turn.
Drop that gun. We've got you covered!
You drop your weapons and
come out with your hands up!
Oh I don't understand it.
It always used to work in the movies.
Ay, chihuahua!
It's a good view from there, George.
George?
He thinks I'm Washington.
Magnifico. Almost twice as
big as my country equarico.
What is the name of this place?
Well, we haven't had
an official ceremony.
Howell hills has been suggested.
Oh! Who call it that?
Well, me! Me!
I have another suggestion.
I suggest we call it equarico west!
Equarico west?
Si. I have always had a dream
to be the father of a country.
My father was the father of a country.
My brothers were
the father of their country.
Even my mother was
the father of a country.
He thinks he's conquered us.
A radical! Why, I
silencio!
Show a little more respect
for your provisional presidente!
President? President?
Yes! Until it is safe to hold
free, Democratic elections.
And when will that be?
You should live so long.
[Complaining]
There goes brother number 2.
Do I hear a cheer for
your new presidente?
Hip hip
All, weakly: Hooray?
Eh.
Mr. Thurston ho well III.
How are you?
Please be seated.
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
George here tells me
that you are well-acquainted with money.
Well, shall we say that money and I
are on a first-name basis?
Good. Our country
needs a strong economy!
That is why I appoint you
as secretary of my treasury.
What treasury?
That is your first assignment.
Well, you see, to have
a monetary system,
a country must first possess
certain rare precious metals
in my country all you need
is printing press and paper.
Well, I'm afraid we
don't have either of those.
But we do have tree
bark and my signature.
[Laughs] Tree bark and
your signature? Preposterous!
Suddenly it's very posterous!
But don't overdo it.
We want to stay underdeveloped enough
so we can get an American loan.
Next!
Mrs. Thurston ho well III.
Your excellency
oh thank you.
Gentlemen are we going to submit
or subvert?
I vote for subversion.
May the Harvard club
have mercy on my soul.
Howell! Where do we begin?
With his gun. He's already fired 2 shots,
which means he has only 4 bullets left.
Then all we have to do is jump him,
take his gun away from him.
Yes, but someone might get hurt!
Alright. We'll use that only as
a last resort. That'll be plan "b".
Now, plan "a". Somehow,
we've got to get him
to fire off those last 4 shots.
Oh! Oh!
Superb shot, Rodriguez!
It was marvelous!
Es El presidente.
Oh, yes, yes. Mr. President,
I'll bet you a stack full of tree bark
that you can't hit that little
coral shell right over there
with the gun.
I cannot hit the shell?
That's right. You can't hit it.
Watch.
Hey
You think that Rodriguez
es muy estupido? Huh?
Huh? You already see with one shot
that I'm a crack sharpshooter.
Oh, of course! We know that.
Now remember, you're peasants!
Your presidente will not take
any more of your hanky panky!
Oh, senor presidente.
You are so talented.
You know
I got goosebumps all over
just watching your
masterful marksmanship.
And you like the way Rodriguez shoots?
Oh, si.
Si, si, si, si, si!
Oh
Senorita, Rodriguez can do many things.
I bet you can.
You should see me dive for coins.
Oh you know,
if I could learn to shoot like you,
I would have had the lead
in standing cow, daughter of sitting bull.
There is nothing to it.
Oh, I couldn't learn.
Not in a million years.
I will teach you right now.
You will? Si, si.
Oh, please do.
Si
Ah
I will give you a target. Wait.
Oh.
How was that?
Carumba! Not yet!
Let me try it again.
No! Stop! End of lesson!
And end of plan "a".
Whatever do you mean, end of plan "a"?
You don't fool Rodriguez!
I have been through
plan "a" too many times!
Oh, forget about plan "b"!
You mean, you know about plan "b"?
My dear
You cannot have a
revolution without plan "b".
I will explain it to you.
You take 2
hey, who do you think you are?
Now remember, gilligan,
the skipper can't see the
doorway from over there.
You understand?
So, now wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I'll call Rodriguez out and
get him to stand over there.
Then you signal the skipper.
Yeah. Take off my hat
and wave it like this
not yet, not yet! They'll capture us!
Get over there and get
ready to signal the skipper.
[Knock knock knock]
El presidente
There's a there's a
there's a boat out here!
A boat!
[Buzzing]
[Knock knock knock knock]
El presidente,
la boat a in la oceano.
Outside. Yes, sir! Out here!
[Buzzing]
A boat? For me?
Where?
I don't see no boat.
Who called me?
I think I hear somebody say a boat.
Are you alright?
Yes, I'm alright,
gilligan. Did we trap him?
Well, not exactly.
What do you mean, not
exactly? Never mind. Here.
Hold on to this, and I'll look for myself.
[Indistinct chattering]
Hey, what you doing there?
I just dropped by to go fishing
oh! Listen! You stay here!
I stay here! You stay there!
Oh!
Stay there! Who did these things?
Don't fool around with me!
Alright, Georgie, you hold on to that rope,
because I'm gonna fish you out
like you never been fished before!
Oh, please, you can't shoot gilligan!
We were all part of the scheme!
I demand a trial by jury!
I'll get the most expensive legal
talent! I may handle the case myself!
Perhaps Mr. Secretary treasurer,
you like to go up there yourself?
I refuse to answer that on
grounds that it might tend to
[softly] Incriminate me.
Senor presidente, he's
so young. He's just a boy.
A growing boy. I wanna keep growing.
Oh, I can't watch!
Don't I get a last meal or something?
Alright! What would you like?!
Well, let's see
Never mind! Never mind!
It is time to teach you all a lesson!
You can't shoot him in cold blood!
I have very warm blood. Ask the lady.
If you ask me, you're a coward
like all the dictators!
I don't ask you. Get ready!
Get set
All: No! No! No, please!
Silencio! Silencio! Silencio!
Silencio!
You get me all mixed
up! Now where I was?
Get ready. Thank you.
Get ready
Get set
[Click]
[Click]
It's alright, gilligan. There were no shots.
You're sure? He might
have used a silencer.
But what happened to my last 2 bullets?
Oh, yes, I remember!
In my old country, in the
last communist meeting,
I used them! [Sobs]
Aw, poor fellow. I hope he
has money in Switzerland.
Your excellency
I am ready.
Ready for what?
To be executed.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
Then you are going
to exile me, of course.
I never heard such nonsense.
Then what will become of me?
You will become a member
of our little community.
You mean become one of the masses?
We don't like to think
of ourselves that way.
We're a free society,
and you will be free to do or
become whatever you want.
Anything? Mm-hmm.
Senora
You have just given me an idea.
You really think I should be
the leader here on the island?
It's obvious.
[Skipper snoring]
Well, come to think of it,
I was president of the
eighth grade camera club.
You see? Even then they
recognized your leadership abilities.
That's right. Besides, I was the
only one who owned a camera.
Then you accept.
I don't know. I had an awful lot of trouble
staying in power of that camera club
especially if I broke the camera.
But your friends need you to lean on.
You owe it to them to protect them.
I don't know if I could handle it.
If you have any problems, my
door will always be open to you.
No, I don't think I should do it.
[Tantrum sounds]
Alright!
Alright.
Forget that they're your
friends. Let them down.
I couldn't do that.
Then think about it, alright? Sleep on it.
We will decide tomorrow in the morning.
Ok.
Sleep on it.
[Mumbling]
[Crowd cheers]
Good people,
this is your leader talking.
[Cheering]
I would like to promise you, uh
I'd like to promise you, uh
Just a second.
What should I promise them?
Promise them dis, dat,
and the other ting.
I promise you dis, dat, and the other ting.
[Cheering]
So everybody, go home,
kick off your shoes,
turn on the TV and
relax and that's an order!
[People cheering]
Be seated.
Before the cabinet
begins its contemplation,
we have to pay our respect
to the leader of our
country and to our country.
Ladies, please get the flag.
Everybody rise and cheer
the leader of the country:
Viva
All: Viva El presidente!
Viva
El presidente!
Ahem.
[Blowing whistle]
9-i-double-l-i ♪
9-a-n spells gilligan ♪
leader of a mighty nation ♪
idolized by all the population ♪
9-i-double-l-i ♪
9-a-n, you see ♪
he's the one we adore ♪
he will keep us out of war ♪
gilligan ♪
that's me ♪
[whistles] There's holes in the flag.
Somebody been throwing stones at it?
Nonsense. Moths.
Alright, put the flag away,
and let's get down to business.
I'm glad you noticed that.
There seems to be a rising
discontent among the people.
They don't like the way
the country is being run.
How come? I give 'em dis,
dat, and the other ting, don't I?
Of course you do. Don't listen to her.
The country is in great shape!
Have you looked out the window lately?
[Commotion]
Are you going to
believe your eyes or me?
Go away, you!
Everybody, go away!
Are you going to let
him talk to us that way?
We're your only loyal subjects.
Wait a minute. Everybody,
I'll send for you one by one.
Right now I'd like to talk
to the minister of finance.
[Gasps]
Is this any way to dress for
an audience with your leader?
Well, we're in the midst
of an economic recession.
Oh, do not believe him.
Did I not serve you
a chocolate eclair
for breakfast this morning?
Be that as it may, someone
is tampering with the treasury.
If you just step to the window,
I'll show you the economic state
of your so-called great society.
What does that prove?
Every country has its low rent district.
Well, I've heard of poverty,
but that is ridiculous!
Go!
And send in my secretary of the Navy.
Yes, I'll pipe him aboard.
Secretary of the Navy reporting, sir.
It's lies, all lies.
I haven't said anything yet!
Then speak first, then it's lies, all lies.
How's my Navy holding up?
Since you brought it up, sir,
why don't you come to the window
and see for yourself? Again?
Propaganda! Vicious propaganda!
Are you doing something about that?
Yes, sir, we are. We're
teaching our sailors how to swim.
Good.
The people on shore are learning
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation
without becoming emotionally involved.
How can you do that?
It ain't easy.
Mr. President, I can't wait any longer.
The country can't wait.
We're in grave danger.
Throw the imposter out.
Yeah, throw the impostor out.
I'm not an imposter.
I'm your very own
spy, secret agent 0036.
Secret agent 0036?
Ho ho! 36!
I want you to know that
I've uncovered plenty.
Can't argue with that, can you?
She's in the pay of the enemy.
You're sure you're not a counter spy?
Mr. President, I have nothing to hide.
You can't argue with that either.
If you can't trust your very
own spy, who can you trust?
Yeah, who can I trust?
Me. And I say the country
is in great shape.
And I say it's in terrible
shape. Take a look!
Not at me! At the state of the country!
Oh.
[Whooping and yelling]
That must be the window
facing the west.
Where is everybody?
Where is everybody?
They have been taken care of,
along with the rest of your cabinet.
What? Where's my loyal subjects?
Where's my cabinet?
Where are you, my cabinet?
My loyal subjects, where are you?
Where are you?! Come back!
I need you!
Would you like to join them?
What do you mean? I'm
the leader of this country
and president of the
eighth grade camera club!
You are not a president.
You are nothing but a puppet ruler!
Me? A puppet ruler? I don't believe it!
I can make you do anything I want!
Absolutely anything!
I can make you dance
Hee hee hee!
I can make you sit or kneel
or I can
Take away your power
like this! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Rodriguez, I don't wanna be your puppet!
Oh! Uh
Rodriguez. Rodriguez.
Rodriguez
I won't be your puppet!
I refuse to be your puppet!
Gilligan, what's the matter,
little buddy? Gilligan!
Rodriguez! I won't be your puppet!
Rodriguez, I won't be your puppet!
You do not have to, George.
Oh, good. Where you going?
Back to my own country.
Wait, Rodriguez, wait!
Don't leave us here!
A boat has come to pick me up.
The loyalists are in power again,
and I am again a leader.
I will send a ship for you,
my own, personal ship
from my own, personal country!
We'll be waiting!
Adios, amigos!
Adios! Adios!
I will see you soon!
We're gonna be rescued, gilligan!
Bye!
[Yelling]
Adios, amigos!
Bye-bye! We're gonna be rescued!
Yay, yay, yay!
Adios! Adios, amigos!
And since we will be living
in a Spanish speaking
country until we return home,
I think it only proper and good manners
that we know a little of the language.
Now, if you'll repeat after me
Buenos dias.
Good day.
Buenos dias. Good day.
Announcer: This is Eddie
Gallagher of wtop in Washington, D.C.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
We interrupt our regular broadcast
for a special announcement.
Following yesterday's
counter-revolution in equarico,
a counter-counter revolution
again unseated president Rodriguez.
This time his downfall
was attributed to insanity
since he insisted that he had
been dictator of a deserted island
with people on it.
At last reports, he was being
parachuted into permanent exile
on the highest peaks
atop the andes mountains.
A deserted island with 7
people on it! No wonder they
all: Oh, no!
There goes our rescue again!
I don't know how this always
works! Could have saved us!
Alright. Everybody repeat after me:
Repeat after me.
Buenas noches.
Goodnight!
Now this is a tale of our castaways ♪
they're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in their tropic island nest ♪
no boat, no light ♪
no motor cars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪