Happy's Place (2024) s02e03 Episode Script

1
OK, so I believe these
are the three finalists
Chance, Buddy, and Gunner.
Are you picking out a rescue dog?
No, a baby daddy.
Man, you can order
anything online these days.
She's not ordering a person.
She's just interested in
their, you know, contribution.
How'd you like to open
that package by mistake?
[BOTH LAUGH]
Sorry.
Yeah, sorry.
I forgot this is serious business.
It is.
And your juvenile jokes
are making it harder
for Gabby to make a decision.
There's just so many to choose from.
And they're all so different.
Well, I know one thing
they got in common.
They all needed a hundred bucks.
[LAUGHS]
That's funny. You're funny.
- No, you're funny.
- No, you're funny.
[GIGGLING]
And, uh, why isn't it juvenile
when Emmett makes a joke?
'Cause zip it, that's why.
Oh, my God, you still
haven't picked a donor yet?
Well, I just don't want
to make a mistake.
OK, what do you like most
about the three candidates?
Well, Gunner is from Australia.
And I think it would be so
cute if my baby had an accent.
Yeah.
[IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT] G'day, mum.
[LAUGHS]
OK, Gunner's out.
What about the other two?
Honestly, my clear favorite is Chance.
Then what's the problem?
It is such a dumb name!
I mean, am I really supposed
to take a chance on Chance?
We don't care about his name.
We only care about what's in his genes.
And yes, I heard that.
Look, I don't know why
you are getting so upset.
Gabby, we've been doing this for weeks,
and we're no closer to making a decision
than when we started.
Well, I am sorry.
But this is not at
all how I imagined it.
You know, someday,
my kid's gonna ask me,
"Mommy, how did you meet Daddy?"
And I'll say, "Daddy was
mailed to Mommy's house
in a sterile straw packed in dry ice."
Excuse me, I have to
go tell Emmett something.
Gabby, I can't pretend
to know what you're going through.
[SIGHS]
And I know it's odd, but
trust me, nobody else does.
[LAUGHTER]
I need to go tell Emmett something.
All right, Gabby, we've seen everybody.
It's time to make a decision.
[SIGHS] Chance.
- I pick Chance.
- You mean it?
- Yes.
- [EXHALES]
Almost. Maybe.
Oh, you know what?
Let's just draw straws.
That was a poor choice of words.
Excuse me, I gotta go
tell Emmett something.
Sometimes it feels
like a big ol' fight ♪
To get through the day ♪
And sleep on through the night ♪
But here you'll find a place ♪
That'll surely lift your spirits ♪
You belong at Happy's Place ♪
It's OK, sweetie.
We'll figure something out.
Thanks, Daddy.
Hey, what's wrong?
Kimi had an extra-credit assignment,
and it's just not coming together.
Sounds like it calls for a root beer.
Can I, Dad?
No is what we'll tell your mom.
Just so you know, Kimi,
I lived for extra credit
when I was your age.
What was it?
Extra paper?
Bonus worksheets?
Reenacting the signing of the
Declaration of Independence
with all of your friends?
She was trying to get an entrepreneur
to come and talk to the class.
Oh.
But apparently, Beyoncé was busy.
She aims high.
As did Beyoncé.
I don't know.
Maybe I should just
lower my expectations.
Maybe.
People definitely told me to
do that when I was your age.
Did you?
No.
I sent 15 emails to German
Chancellor Angela Merkel
until she agreed to a
two-minute phone interview
for my school paper.
Really?
Really.
You won't know what
you're capable of until you try,
so keep shooting for the stars.
Wow. Are you busy Tuesday?
Because I'd love it if
you'd speak to my class.
In the words of Angela Merkel, ja!
Yay! Thank you.
That's so sweet of you, Isabella.
- Aww.
- [SQUEALS]
Understudy to Beyoncé. [LAUGHS]
Not bad.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Hey.
Are you still mad at me
for taking so long to
choose a baby daddy?
I'm not mad at you,
Gabby. I'm just frustrated.
I wish you'd make a decision.
Well, in that case,
I think there is someone
that you should meet.
Come on.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Well, where is this person?
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Whoa, who's that?
Chance.
Chance, Chance?
Like "take a chance on Chance" Chance?
Yeah.
Steve found him on the Internet,
and then he lured him here with a coupon
for a free hamburger and fries.
- You did what?
- I know.
I told Steve he didn't
need to add the fries,
but he insisted.
I don't care about the fries.
What is he doing here?
Well, if I'm going to choose him,
I need to get to know
the man behind the profile.
- That's a dumb idea.
- I think I wanna pick him.
You're a genius.
All that is left is for you to meet him
and give him the final seal of approval.
Why?
Why do you need my opinion?
Because you have good judgment,
and I bought a time-share in my 20s.
Please.
Fine.
- Well?
- I like him.
He chews with his mouth
closed, and he's a clippopotamus.
That's what we coupon
clippers call each other.
Who knew that world was so clever?
Hey, I'm Bobbie. I own this place.
How's things going so far?
Great. Thanks.
You know, this is,
like, the friendliest bar
I've ever been to.
- Aww.
- I even met your accountant.
Oh.
Well, we like to feel that every guest
could be a part of the family.
[CHUCKLES]
Sorry, inside joke.
OK, well, it was
really nice to meet you.
Well, you know, I'm not in a rush.
Why don't we just chat for a little bit?
How about that? [CHUCKLES]
Oh, um [CHUCKLES]
Look, I'm flattered,
but I'm not really into women, you know,
in your demographic.
Oh! No, no, no.
I'm just one of those
super friendly-type owners.
- That's all.
- Excuse me.
Did I hear you say you were the owner?
I'm busy!
Tell me about your family.
I think I should maybe leave.
Oh, no, wait, don't go.
I know this seems a little weird.
Oh, no, no, not at all.
I'm only leaving
'cause this is so normal.
[LAUGHS]
I just need ten minutes of your time
to get to know you better.
But I don't want that.
I'm gonna come clean with you.
It's very simple.
My friend wants to have a
baby, and she sent me over here
to see if you're as
good as your profile.
That's her right there.
Wait, my anonymous profile?
So you cyberstalked and tricked me
just to get me over here?
Yeah, our bad.
But lookie there, you got a free burger.
And fries.
So, um, is everything going OK?
No. There is no way
I am letting you weirdos have my baby.
I am calling the sperm bank
and putting a stop to this.
Tell your friends about Happy's!
Yeah, I think we can do better.
Why did you tell him that I
wanted him to be my donor?
When has honesty ever
made anything better?
I was just trying to help.
Besides, you have two more finalists.
Well, I can't use them now.
They're second choice, and
my baby deserves the best.
[GROANS] How does this happen?
Everybody around here acts crazy,
but I always wind up
looking like the crazy one.
Well, I'm not the crazy one, OK?
She's not gonna convince
anyone making that argument.
I don't know what to do, Steve.
I just wish I could pick someone
that I already knew was a good person.
Well, if you need to know the guy,
why don't you pick
someone you already know?
Yeah, well, most people
that I know best work here.
And Takoda's already
got a bunch of kids.
And I can't use any of our regulars.
I know how much they drink.
Uh, hello?
You never asked me.
Well, that's 'cause I
didn't think you would.
No, I never would.
But it's nice to be asked.
You know, actually,
you know who'd be best?
Emmett.
He's tall. He's handsome.
Hair loss skips a generation.
Plus, you know, his calm
genes would even out, you know,
all of this.
Too bad he's too old.
Oh, he's not too old.
Al Pacino had a kid at 83.
Yeah, and Al Pacino
is the one in the stroller.
Don't be ridiculous.
Men don't lose their
fertility or their looks.
That's how you know God is a man.
[MELLOW MUSIC]
Tell me the truth. Am I a bad friend?
No, you're the best friend
anybody could ever have.
'Cept for maybe Willy Wonka.
I'm serious.
I'd do anything for Gabby.
But when she finally makes a decision,
I immediately blow it!
Willy Wonka drowned a kid in chocolate.
What?
She's nervous.
Having a baby is the
biggest thing a person can do.
I didn't know you felt that way.
Well, sure I do. Why wouldn't I?
Look, I'm sorry you feel lousy.
If it'll help, why don't
you just punch me?
What good would that do?
Always helped my brother.
Bobbie, hit me.
I mean
all right, I'll tell you what.
Wait a minute.
[BOTH BICKERING]
[GROANING]
OK. Just eww.
What is it, Steve?
I just wanted to give
Emmett a quick heads up.
This isn't likely to happen,
but it's Gabby, so it could.
Uh-oh. What's the problem?
She might want your seed to grow a baby.
What?
[LAUGHS]
Oh, that's a good one, Steve.
No, I'm serious.
She was saying how there was
no reason Emmett couldn't do this
and compared him to
Al Pacino in a stroller,
so kind of a compliment.
Anyway, I'm gonna go wash my eyes out.
Huh.
[SIGHS]
Yeah. Huh.
Are you nervous about
talking to the kids?
Nervous? Nah.
[SIGHS]
I'm looking forward to
inspiring young minds,
you know, filling them
with my knowledge.
That's nice.
I'd be nervous.
Hi, Dad. Hi, Ms. Sanchez.
We're ready.
Right. [EXHALES]
Good luck.
Hi, everybody!
Class, let's welcome our guest.
- Hi, Ms. Sanchez.
- ALL: Hi.
Welcome, Ms. Sanchez.
Thank you for doing this interview.
It's my pleasure. And
you can call me Isabella.
Thank you, Isabella.
Now, before we start,
I just wanna say
I am so pleased to be here with you all.
I want you to know that I once sat
exactly where you're sitting.
So when you look at me,
don't just think of what I've done.
Think of where I've come from.
That's so wonderful.
What made you first want
to start your own business?
Well, actually, the business was started
before I came on board.
Oh, so you worked your way up?
Yeah, you could say that.
But it wouldn't be true. [CHUCKLES]
See, what had happened
was, I woke up one morning
and checked my email,
and my dad had left me a tavern.
And you were ready
to step up to the plate.
Yes. Yes.
A great definition of luck
is when preparation meets opportunity.
And you were prepared because
you went to business school?
No.
Actually, I studied psychology.
Oh, so you're also a psychologist?
No.
But I did get into
Stanford Graduate School.
Stanford? Wow, that must
have been so stimulating.
I assume it is.
But I haven't gone yet
because I took a gap year
two years ago.
Whoa, is it getting hot in here?
[SOFTLY] Look, I'm trying
to make you look good,
but you gotta work with me.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, there is more
to life than your career.
You know, one of the
hardest things to achieve
is a successful
work-life balance, right?
- Yeah.
- That's right.
So tell us about your social life.
Do you have a husband?
No.
A boyfriend?
No.
What do you do after work?
Well, most nights, I go home.
Is it too much to hope
you own your own home?
No, it's my sister's.
But I do have my own bathroom.
ALL: Ooh.
Yes!
- Hey.
- Hey.
Look, Bobbie, about what Steve said.
Yeah.
Oh, hey, Emmett. Looking good.
Those new pants?
No.
I mean, yes, they are, but,
you know, I'm returning them.
Jeez. Learn to take a compliment.
Yeah, you got him there.
That man cannot take a compliment.
That's one of his many,
many genetic flaws.
Why are you putting down Emmett?
Oh, it's not his fault.
It's just bad breeding.
Yeah.
Let's just say that Emmett's family tree
is more like the crazy bush.
Thank you so much for helping Kimi.
She really appreciated it.
It was my pleasure.
Give me anything.
I don't care, as long
as it makes me forget
everything since I woke up this morning.
Oh, that's right.
You were with 11-year-olds today.
Yup.
- Give her the good rum.
- Yeah.
You know, the 11-year-old
girl that lives next door to me
told me that I looked
like an emotional eater.
[SCOFFS]
No, no, Kimi was perfectly nice.
And yet, somehow, she still managed
to reach into my soul and go
[SNARLING]
They're just kids, Isabella.
Don't take them so seriously.
No. I'm gonna.
She made me face
some uncomfortable truths
about myself.
Ugh, uncomfortable truths
are my least favorite ones.
You know, ever since I
found out about Happy,
I've been letting
circumstances run my life.
I think it's finally time I
took charge of it myself.
Well, that's a very healthy attitude.
Yeah.
Tough issues don't get
settled by ignoring them.
Very true.
Wait, where are you going?
I I'm gonna go talk to Emmett.
Hey.
Hey.
OK, one of us is gonna
have to address this.
Now, if you wanna be
the father of Gabby's baby,
- I don't have a
- I don't wanna do that.
Oh, thank God!
What in the world
would you think that for?
You were the one that was going on about
how having a baby is
the most important thing
a person could do.
It was one sentence.
I know it was one sentence,
but you only do about
three of them a day.
I was afraid you wanted me to.
You said you'd do anything for Gabby.
I would do anything for Gabby,
but there's plenty I
don't want you to do.
Come here.
- I absolutely am crazy about you.
- Mm.
And I don't wanna do anything
that would jeopardize this.
OK, great. But what is "this"?
Bobbie, this is a magical
time in a relationship
where you're allowed to tell me
not to impregnate other women.
[BOTH LAUGH]
[GIGGLING]
Aww.
I should go talk to Gabby.
You know what? Let me do that.
I may have something to offer.
You're only offering words, right?
We'll see how it goes.
Oh, hey.
Listen, I need to talk to you.
Is it about the pants?
It was a compliment!
No.
Look, if I'm wrong
and I'm pretty sure I am
saying this is gonna
be embarrassing as hell.
What are you talking about?
I can't be your donor.
[LAUGHS LOUDLY]
Oh, my God!
[LAUGHS]
OK, OK, Emmett, I mean,
how would that even work?
I mean, you and I would
have a baby together
while you're dating my best friend?
I mean, I like country
songs. I don't wanna be one.
[LAUGHS]
OK, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I didn't I didn't mean to laugh.
So what exactly is
your plan at this point?
I don't know, OK?
I think I'm just gonna put this
whole pregnancy thing on hold
until I can get some clarity.
Well, clarity takes time, Gabby.
And excuse me for saying this,
but it's not something that
you have a lot of right now.
Well, this isn't an
easy decision to make.
I understand totally.
It wasn't an easy
decision when I made it.
What?
I mean, you thought about having kids?
Sure.
I mean, I still wonder,
once in a while, what'd
it be like to have a
[SIGHS] An Emmett Junior
to take fishing, you know?
Aww.
Or a little Emily standing on my shoes
while I teach her how to dance.
Yeah.
But I made the decision not to.
And on the whole,
do you think it was the right choice?
Hell, I don't know.
I think so, but who knows?
Point is, it was my choice.
If you put off the decision much longer,
the choice will be made for you, Gabby.
Hey, Emmett.
- [TEARING UP]
- Do you think I'd be a good mom?
[CHUCKLES]
I think you'd make a
hell of a mom, Gabby.
[SNIFFLING] Thank you.
I don't hear any words.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
OK, Gabby, show us who you picked.
OK, my baby daddy is going to be
Luigi.
Aww, he's adorable!
- Yeah.
- Yeah, great daddy material.
- [ENCOURAGING CHATTER]
- Yeah.
Oh, he's got such kind eyes.
And that chin would
look so cute on a baby.
- Oh.
- I love the chin.
Great baby chin.
Great earlobes.
All that's left is for me to
enter my credit card number,
and Luigi's DNA will be
on its way to my house.
And done.
Yay!
I'm so proud of you, honey.
Wow. I just made a baby.
[LAUGHS]
Come in. I like to cuddle after.