Neon Joe, Werewolf Hunter (2015) s02e03 Episode Script

1
Previously on
"Neon Joe, Werewolf He-yump"
You stole my ex-wife
and left her for dead!
Joe, don't leave me!
Joe, you're under arrest
for the murder of Plaid Jeff.
We find Neon Joe
guilty of first-degree murder.
The Court recognizes
Elon Musk-type
billionaire inventor
Vance Dontay.
I'd like to house Neon Joe
for free in my private prison.
You got to call him "Big Lair."
The last guy to call him
"Big Larry" was
never heard from again.
You're trying to get me
to convert to Judaism
so you can murder me
for being a Hebrew.
The more I study the Torah,
the more I knew
that it's the non-Jews
who should all die!
Yuri keeps asking where
you keep the hearts
of the werewolves you killed.
Werewolf need his heart
to get to the other side.
You help me bust out of here,
I'll get you the eternal
rest you crave.
You just did me a solid,
and you let me know
if ever I can return that favor.
♪♪
He'yow!
Say, uh, how'd you know to be
outside that prison anyway?
Ah, a little birdie told me,
be there midnight on the nose
with a bucket of water,
some bleach, and a ride.
I told you,
you ever needed a favor,
I'd be there.
Well, whatever the case,
let's get down
to the business at hand.
Mmm.
Yeah, I've been all around
this great land of ours.
I know the rules of the road.
And I know them well.
Rules?
Well, yeah, you
you give me a ride,
I give you a hand-job.
No. No hand-job
necessary, friend, no.
You saved my skin with
your long bass playing.
I owed you one.
You ain't turning it down
'cause I murdered
Plaid Jeff, right?
No.
'Cause I was framed.
Yeah, it's not really
my place to judge, you know.
Way I figure it,
you take a man's life,
you probably had a pretty
good reason to do it,
even when you can't
really remember
what the reason was.
Hyah.
Hey!
I got you a change of clothes
in the back seat.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Oh, he-yump.
Look at that!
You got me neon.
Yes, I did.
Neon Joe.
Hyah!
♪♪
Before Big Lair was killed,
he sent an edict
that all members of the gang
must convert to Judaism.
I changed Pepe the Frog
into a rabbi.
And I got my swastika tattoo
turned into a Star of David.
The Torah says mutilating
the body is an insult to God.
I don't care.
We should change our name
from the White Warlocks
to the White Jewlocks.
We'll get to all that.
But I called this minion
so we could go about
revenging Big Lair's death.
Should maybe
we forgive Neon Joe?
The Torah says we must
take an eye for an eye.
You mean an oy for an oy.
There's an old Jewish law
forbid us from holding grudges
or seeking of revenge.
But does not it also say,
"He who sheds man's blood,
by man shall this
blood be shed"?
I say to hell with forgiveness!
Let's kill Neon Joe and leave
a nice, long trail of goy blood.
And then repent for
the whole thing on Yom Kippur!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Let's get that goyim!
Oy, oy!
Get that goy!
Oy, oy!
Get that goy!
Oy, oy! Get that goy!
With Big Lair dead,
I bet anything
the White Warlocks
are after Neon Joe, too.
We need to get to him
before they do.
Seems they're no longer
called the White Warlocks.
What are they called?
The Chosen Oy Vey
Matzo Ball Gang.
Sons of bitches converted.
Well, that's about
as far as I can take you.
Well, I do appreciate
all your help, Joshy.
Yeah.
Sure I can't
give you that hand-job?
Yeah.
Look, this ought to be enough
to get you to
your final destination.
Well, Mama was right.
Them long bass lessons
did pay off some day.
Yeah.
I don't think I'll ever be able
to repay you, though.
Well, friend
you already did.
He-yump.
Well, he-yump.
He-yow!
Hey, cowboy, nice outfit.
You need a ride?
Appreciate that.
Name's Neon Joe.
I'm Frank.
Frank, why don't I, uh,
get us some road snacks.
That would be great.
All right, he-yump.
I prefer Twizzlers.
What the hell you doing here?
Just because you don't see me
doesn't mean I'm not around.
So you've been with me
the whole time?
Yeah.
Where's my heart?
I'm on my way to get it.
Oh, really?
'Cause it seems like you're more
interested in getting snacks
and giving hand-jobs.
Hey, you know what?
I can't get your heart
if I don't get a ride.
And I can't get a ride
unless I give a hand-job.
It's the rules of the road.
Seems like you are the only one
who knows this rule.
So I's just supposed
to pretend it don't exist?
Society got rules.
We don't follow 'em,
society crumble.
Everything okay over there?
Uh
Yeah, man.
Yeah, it cool. I just
Just getting some snacks.
Probably look like I was talking
to myself back there, right?
No, I just talking to my tummy.
See, watch.
Hey, tummy, you okay?
What that, tum-tum?
No, you can't have a soda.
You got to have a juice.
You got to drink healthy.
Tummy, shut up!
Sometimes I got to get stern
with my my tummy.
Spare the rod,
spoil the tum-tum.
I never met
a neon cowboy before.
Do you ever worry
about your horse
running away from you?
Come on, Frank.
We both know you didn't give me
a ride to talk about my horse.
You're right.
I do have ulterior motives.
Don't we all?
One hand-job coming up.
I want to talk about my horse.
Oh.
I'm having a little
trouble training her.
Sometimes it seems like
she doesn't want
anything to do with me.
Huh.
Well, that sound to me
like maybe she don't trust you.
Can't say I blame her, though,
if you hold the reins
like you hold that wheel.
What's wrong with
how I hold the wheel?
Well, you grip too tight.
Makes for a jerky ride.
Want to be loose and giving,
but in control.
Let me show you.
Let's loosen that belt, huh?
Rules of the road, huh?
You want your heart or not?
Uh I just talking
to my tum-tum.
Yeah, when my tummy get hungry,
I got to, like, talk it down
and, you know
Where are them snacks at?
You seen this guy?
You just missed him.
He left with this horse pervert
in a black CRV.
Thanks.
Hey, help yourself
to some snacks
on the house.
I'm one of you.
No, you're not.
Nazi scum!
All right, he couldn't
have got that far.
Let's get that Neon goy.
I have been with
a lot of horses.
You know, but, ooh.
None of them compare to Carol.
She is just luxurious,
if you know what I mean.
I want our relationship to be
more than physical,
but I don't think that she does.
Maybe this is all
it could ever be.
Yeah, how about we give
all the horse talk a break?
Sure.
I'm getting tired anyway.
Oh, there's a motel.
Oh, great.
Yeah, we check in,
I give you a hand-job,
morning, we go
our separate ways.
I just need to get some sleep.
You can stop
offering me hand-jobs.
All right, suit yourself.
Guess I'll start calling
this hand Benjamin Franklin,
'cause a hand-job saved
is a hand-job earned.
Who did this to you?
A gang of Jewish skinheads.
It wasn't the Chosen Oy Vey
Matzah Ball Gang
by any chance, was it?
That's exactly who it was, yeah.
All right.
Let's get out of here.
Well, hey, look, help yourself
to some snacks on the way out
on the house.
I'm one of you.
Oh, yeah, and they were looking
for that werewolf hunter
who escaped from prison.
No shit, dickhead.
There's the black CRV.
All right, let's get that goy
on the count of three.
One, two, goy!
There's our guys. Move!
- Where's Neon Joe?
- I don't know. He left!
- Where'd he go?
- I-I don't know!
- You're a liar!
- FBI, put down the gun!
Screw you, goy!
That didn't sound too good.
Good thing he kicked you out
for offering up
another hand-job.
How do.
Thanks for stopping,
he-yump.
Where you heading, cowboy?
Vance Dontay's mansion.
You mean the Elon Musk-type
inventor billionaire?
That the guy.
Well, hope on in.
I'll give you a lift.
Appreciate that, he-yump.
Yeah. And
don't you worry
up in he-yump.
I know the drill.
Man.
Business has been down
ever since Joe went to jail.
I can't figure out
what happened.
Probably that the main draw,
Neon Joe, isn't here.
Yeah, but everything
else is the same.
We got the same cool atmosphere.
Drink by the sip.
What's the missing ingredient?
I could wear a Joe mask.
I got it!
Yuri's not here.
Everyone loves his crazy stories
about the moon having a vagina
and werewolf hearts.
And he used to be a cosmonaut.
Every bar needs its fly,
and Yuri was our fly.
Kind of like every girl
needs her soul mate.
All right, Ashley.
We get it
you're into Neon Joe.
Well, guess what. I am trying
to save his bar right now.
So if you could try
to give your lustful desires
for his hot body a rest, please.
You saw this, right?
Yes.
I got it!
Hey, everybody!
We're gonna have a competition!
Joe, don't leave me!
Help me!
Oh!
How long we been here?
Eight hours.
I I wanted
to let you sleep.
You looked so peaceful.
You remind me of my Daniel.
Oh, that your son?
Oh.
No.
Well, thanks
for the ride, Diane.
Sad to see you go, Neon Joe.
Yeah, you, too.
And don't forget,
you make it to Oahu Joe's,
you drink for free all night.
I'll bring my Daniel.
All right.
I'm sorry I don't have a penis.
I would have loved
the hand-job.
What the he-yump?!
He alive?
This smell fishier
than a dead raccoon butthole.
Isn't that Plaid Jeff,
the greatest werewolf hunter
of all time?
What?! Man, he ain't
even top five.
I don't know. I mean, I know
a few werewolves he's killed,
and they all say he's the best.
Yeah, that's 'cause
they never had
the displeasure
of getting killed by me.
Hey, where'd you go?
Hello, Joe.
So you faked Plaid Jeff's
murder, framed me.
Why?
You abandoned your ex-wife
in her greatest hour of need.
Why are you here, Joe?
Ghost wolf helped me break
out of prison in exchange
for me helping him
get his heart back.
You're helping the werewolf
that tried to kill
your ex-wife?
Unbelievable.
Why you care about
my ex-wife so much anyway?
Ghost wolf told me she alive.
You done show me her ring.
What the he-yump going on?
He's your ex-wife,
that's what!
Yes.
I'm your ex-wife.
Well, I'll be
a ding-dong-doing.
Now, that's one story
I got to sit down for.
What are you doing?
You see, the comfort
of the chair
needs to be
in perfect proportion
to the discomfort of the news.
Kind of like pairing
a wine with a meal.
Now, that ain't good no more.
Let me see the ding dong, yeah.
See, the reason
I so concerned is because
a long time ago,
a girl broke up with me.
Yeah, we'd only been
dating about three weeks,
but the chair I chose
to receive the news,
it was all wrong.
I was devastated for weeks.
Anyway, this one seem all right.
Corner is usually a good spot
to get weird or bad news.
Yeah, this feels good.
Yeah, that right.
Proceed.
We were outside
the pretzel factory,
hunting werewolf.
And you ran away.
Joe, don't leave me!
Aah!
But you kept on running.
Just as the werewolf
was about to eat me,
a spotlight appeared.
It was a military helicopter
and the distraction I needed.
I shot a silver bullet through
his stupid party dad hat.
The military had
been keeping tabs
on all werewolf
hunting activity.
They were following
us for years.
They were in the Netherlands
when you sentenced
a werewolf to death for
infiltrating national justice.
They were there
for the Fun Zone Killings.
The Fun Zone Killings,
Part II
popcorn, peanuts,
and were-death.
I was in rough shape
when they found me.
- We're losing her.
- The military felt
that it would be better to
rebuild me than repair me,
so I told them
to make me into a man
with a completely new identity.
And only goal
to get revenge on you.
Me? Why?
Because you left me to die.
I'm glad you alive,
but we had a deal.
The deal was one of us
about to die,
the other one run away,
live to fight another day,
keep hunting werewolves.
I didn't think
you'd stick to it.
Not only is my dead
ex-wife still alive
I kept my vagina.
I got to sit down again,
but need a new seat.
Oh, he-yump, yeah.
That that real nice.
Now, come again, he-yump?
Enough about his vagina.
What about my heart?
You brought the ghost
of the werewolf
that killed me into my home?!
Wait, they can see you?
Yeah, I can make myself visible
to anyone I want
like those responsible
for my death.
Not once, but twice.
Anyway, I wasn't always
a werewolf, you know?
Once upon a time,
I was a man with a family.
I took my kid
to his favorite spot
because he won flag football.
But you and your wife showed up
and caused a werewolf
to bite me,
turning me into a beast.
And then several years later,
your wife killed me
and took my heart.
Oh, okay, man, look, it was
nothing personal, all right?
You a werewolf. We just
doing out jobs, right?
Just let me have my heart,
and I'll go.
We had a deal, Neon Joe.
Yeah.
We had a deal.
And I always honor my deals.
Unlike some people I know
that just pretend
a deal never happened.
Oh, you're not
talking about me, are you?
Oh, I am talking about you.
Because I seem to remember
We had a deal, then you
You remember the deal,
the original deal that we had?
My heart, go get it now.
Yeah, yeah.
We get that heart.
Go ahead, get that heart.
You have eternal peace.
Yeah, we got it.
Just open the box
and let's give him this heart.
Is this some kind of joke?
Where the heart?
It was I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know?
Where is it?
I don't know.
How you not know
where the heart is?
You had it in the box.
Where's the damn heart?!
It's been a grueling
competition, but, unfortunately,
there can be only one
new cool gimmick barfly
at Oahu Joe's.
And the winner
and new Yuri is
Aah!
Nobody replace Yuri!
Everybody out!
Yuri, where you been?
Collecting final
piece of puzzle.
Those are weird looking
jigsaw pieces.
39 werewolf hearts.
40th wolf heart
to fulfill the prophesy.
Huh?
Finally the world
will see Yuri isn't crazy
and that moon is alive!
Al-i-i-i-i-i-i-ve!
Hold up, just put the gun down.
We gonna find the heart.
My hand.
What's happening to me?
No!
No!
Trail's gone cold.
Neon Joe is in the wind.
I don't even want to think
about what happens
if we don't find him.
Do we call Daggert?
You already did.
♪♪
Ladies and gentlemen, we're
getting reports from Japan,
where it's nighttime right now,
that the moon
is starting to rotate
an unprecedented moment
as for the first time
in history,
the world will lay
its collective eyes
on the dark side of the moon.
And as you can see
from this stunning footage,
the dark side of the moon
appears to be a gigantic arse.