St. Denis Medical (2024) s02e03 Episode Script

So just make sure to eat
plenty of low-acid foods
and avoid caffeine and alcohol.
They can further irritate
the stomach lining.
- Any questions?
- Yeah.
- Can I pet the pony now?
- You may.
OK. Hi.
Oh, I love your hair.
Some people hate hospitals,
but everybody loves a pony.
So I decided to bring in
a professional therapy horse
to help boost the morale
of our patients.
But there has been
an unanticipated downside.
- Ugh.
- Matt, we got another Code Brown.
I don't know what they feed that animal,
but it is alarmingly fiber-rich.
Ma'am, be careful.
There's just a little mess.
Ma'am, right ma'am, right there!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Oh!
[LAUGHS] Yeah, right down the barrel.
Let's track and bleach, yeah?
Track and bleach.
Somebody grab her.
She's headed to radiology.
I'm gonna get her. Ma'am?
- Why is it so much?
- Ma'am?
I'm just spreading it everywhere.
- [SHOES SQUEAKING]
- Oh!
Matt!
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Hey, where are you going?
What are you doing with those?
It's for the Tomo Pod.
Remember you signed for it?
Tomo Pod?
Are you talking about that
fancy new full-body scanner
I've been seeing promoted
by recognizable actors
on Instagram?
Well, I don't think that belongs here.
Unless a plucky administrator
talked them into sending one.
[LAUGHS] That's right.
This month, St. Denis is hosting
our own in-house Tomo Pod.
Sorry, before we call our
loved ones with the good news,
what exactly is a Tomo Pod?
It's only the next frontier
in early detection.
Yeah, it scans your body
at the cellular level
to detect any abnormalities
that could be lurking inside.
Yeah, things like bulging
discs, pulmonary nodules.
Nobody needs this.
All these preemptive scans do
is send people down
a rabbit hole of anxiety
and unnecessary procedures.
I'm sorry, but I think
it's important to spot disease
before it becomes a disaster.
That's literally the slogan
on the Tomo Pod box.
Well, it doesn't make it
any less true, Serena.
And to encourage you all to
promote this to our patients,
all employees are entitled
to a free body scan today only.
Boom-shakalaka!
We are gonna help people
live fuller lives
with fewer question marks.
- Yeah, that's also on the box.
- So help me, Jesus.
Always some new gimmick
Joyce is cooking up.
I don't know.
I mean, in the grand scheme of things,
I think you could do worse
than promoting body scans.
Maybe it'll help people.
Well, I just think you take
a black light to anything,
you're gonna find some stains.
Sure, but surely
there's some areas of life
where you want all the information.
Like relationships, right?
Tim and I tell each other everything.
It's all out there on the table.
Please.
Don't tell me you're one of those
"open communication" types.
Yeah, you're right.
I should have asked you for tips.
Tell me, how was your communication
with your divorce lawyer?
My marriage didn't fail because my wife
wanted me to talk more.
I'm just saying, total
transparency works for us.
So Tim knows all about Hot Gary?
The delivery guy?
That's just some silly office joke.
Got it.
Hot Gary's not a thing, man.
Well, if Hot Gary is not a thing,
then you wouldn't mind calling Tim
and telling him all about it.
You know, I actually think, right now,
it might be more important that
I get Mr. Chavez his Dilaudid.
Tim deserves to know how hot Gary is!
I can't hear you through the curtain.
Oh, I'm very excited to get to Tomo'd.
See, I'm always fine-tuning
my health regimen,
so a chance to peek under the hood
like this is the dream.
I've been watching other
hospitals getting a Tomo,
and I've been having major
Tomo FOMO, fo' sho'-mo.
Oh, you can put your shirt back on.
Nah, I'm good.
OK.
Well, your heart looks excellent.
No plaque. No evidence of a PFO.
All right, stop it. I'm blushing.
Your muscle mass is really exceptional.
- Hey, come on.
- What? Stop filming this.
As for your spine
Oh, wow. That's gorgeous.
Yeah. Look at that hot rod.
Oh, no, no, this is just a
stock image of a healthy spine.
This is your spine.
So just over 10 degrees of curvature,
nominal scoliosis,
but absolutely nothing
to be concerned about.
Uh-huh. Then why is it red?
Oh, that's just to highlight
the deviation from the norm.
Again, it's really not a big deal.
Then why use red?
I wasn't on the design team.
Tell me something.
What's the margin of error
on these things anyway?
Oh, it's guaranteed to be
accurate within 40 microns.
40? OK. Well, there it is.
That's less than the width
of a human hair.
Still, you know, 40 of anything.
[SPUTTERS]
Dakota, thank you for coming in.
- How are you?
- I'm OK.
Somebody's been stealing
my yogurts again.
Good. Glad to hear it.
Listen, I brought you in here today
and believe me,
these things are never easy.
But [MACHINE WHIRRING]
What's that?
Is that the Tomo Pod?
Jesus, that's abrasive, isn't it?
What was I saying?
- These things are never easy.
- Oh, right, right.
These things are never easy. Uh-huh-huh.
Oh.
So every workplace is different.
- It's a question of fit.
- [MACHINE THUDDING]
I'm sorry, is this getting louder?
It's so hard for me to concentrate.
Sounds like a vending machine
having an orgasm.
Right, but what were you saying about
- Sha-la-la-la-la.
- [WHIRRING STOPS]
Whew. OK, Dakota, let's just
rip the Band-Aid off, OK?
All right. [WHIRRING RESUMES]
Nope, not today. Out.
- Get out.
- Oh.
Thank you so much for stopping by.
You know what?
I'd really prefer to talk now because
If you get an email from HR,
do not answer it.
Actually, I wanted to talk
to you about my email.
You know what?
I think my brain will acclimate to this.
[MACHINE BLARING]
It's fine.
Hey, how'd that phone call to Tim go?
I mean, how did he take
all of that Hot Gary stuff?
Oh, my God, you were serious about that?
Yeah. But you know what?
Forget about it.
I mean, you don't have
to buy your own BS, so
All right, hold on.
I'm gonna call Tim right now.
Great.
I mean, I'd really like
to see your policy in action.
I might even learn a few things.
Yeah, I think that you will.
- OK.
- [LINE RINGS]
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Hey, hon. What's up?
Oh, nothing.
Kind of a slow day.
Thought I'd say hi.
Aw, hi.
Also, so funny story.
There well, there's
this delivery guy, Gary,
and some people, the nurses,
think that he's hot.
And so we all call him Hot Gary.
OK.
And then what?
Nothing. That's it.
Oh, OK. I thought there was
- OK. Fun story, babe.
- Thanks.
I mean, not much of
a hero's journey, but nice.
So it's not a big deal, then, right?
You're not upset?
Sweetie, I'm aware
that we're both human
and we're still gonna
find people attractive,
especially people we see
all the time at work.
Exactly. Yeah.
Who do you find attractive
at work, then?
Well, I don't know.
I guess Serena's pretty.
What?
No. Your work, honey. I meant your work.
[MACHINE WHIRRING]
[MACHINE THUDDING]
Yeah, that did absolutely nothing.
Obviously.
OK, wait.
Let me try this.
[WHIRRING AND THUDDING CONTINUE]
Nah, it's still there.
- What was your theory there?
- [THUDDING STOPS]
Wait, it stopped!
Problem solved.
- [MACHINE BLARING]
- No, it's back.
See, it gives you a flash of
hope, and then it rips it away.
Wait, light bulb.
What if we reframed it
as a beautiful song?
- [MACHINE THUDDING]
- Just listen.
[RHYTHMICALLY] Gong-gong-gong,
gong-gong-gong-gong.
Gong-gong-gong, gong-gong-gong-gong.
Get the [BLEEP] out.
Yes.
Gotta admit, you are in a real pickle.
Oh, yeah? How's that?
Well, according to your
"share everything" lifestyle,
you really do have to tell Serena
what Tim said about her.
It's not the same thing, man.
I'm not married to Serena.
One could argue that you
tell your best friend
more than you tell your partner.
All right, listen, I can see
you're having a lot of fun
with this, but we're still
pretty backed up
from that popped bouncy castle,
so, sadly, I do have
more important things to worry about.
You don't want to tell Serena
because it's a good thing
that everybody doesn't know everything
and there are some things
that are better kept inside.
Game, set, match:
Dr. Ronald Leonard.
Boop!
[LAUGHS]
Little Zone A yoga?
Yeah. Just trying to stay limber.
Found out I have
some negligible curvature
in my spine, so taking
a few corrective measures.
- No biggie.
- No way!
- Yeah.
- I have scoliosis too.
What? No, my thing's different.
I ordered something
called a pelvic clock.
We're not the same, Keith, all right?
Actually, I think Ron
was looking for you.
Oh, OK. Hmm.
Hey, I did that body scan
you were hyping up.
Apparently I have excess fluid
in both my knees.
Ugh, tough break.
But I don't even know
if that machine's 100%.
Told me I have a curved spine
or some nonsense.
Oh, that's so funny, 'cause it said
mine was perfectly straight.
The tech guy said it was flawless.
- It's weird.
- Oh yeah?
Yeah, yeah, he was joking around
he could barely tell my spine
from the stock image.
- Oh, my God.
- Could hardly see
- my green outline.
- Green? Yeah.
Yeah, mine was green too, so
shade of green.
- Nice.
- Yeah.
- The green guys.
- Yeah!
Hey, Ron said he wasn't looking for me.
Yes, he was, Keith! Please. He was.
[SIGHS]
Hey, how's it going, pretty lady?
Ooh, I like this energy.
I'm just speaking the truth, you know?
You're pretty, and I think
basically everyone agrees.
- Mm.
- You know, I do. Tim does.
What?
Oh, yeah, it it's come up.
Can't really be that surprising, though.
I mean, you're a hot tamale.
Like, who doesn't think that?
OK, so you know
I'm extremely poly positive,
but you and Tim are like
family, and I just
Oh, my God, no, I'm not
I'm not propositioning you
for a throuple.
I just
Tim and I were chatting,
and it just came up
that he thought you were cute.
That's all. Isn't that funny?
[CHUCKLES] We both did a full LOL.
OK, not really sure what
I'm supposed to do with that.
Nothing.
Oh, my God, it doesn't even matter.
It's just, like
[ROBOTICALLY] Meaningless factoids.
- So
- Yeah.
[INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMEN
OVER P.A. SYSTEM]
[CLEARS THROAT]
That was good.
Smooth.
That is exactly what is wrong
with society nowadays.
Everyone wants to share
every little thought
that pops into their head.
I knew my grandfather for 30 years.
He never said more than 10 words to me.
Great man.
Excuse me.
Hey, I am in the room
directly next door
Oh, and you're worried
about the radiation?
No, but
why don't I let you talk first?
Well, technically the Tomo Pod
does emit a small amount of radiation,
but it's really so tiny,
it's not a big deal.
- Well, if it's
- if it's not a big deal,
why are you wearing that vest?
Well, I'm here all day.
I'm here all day.
I'm here all day.
Do you want a vest?
I just wish it wasn't on my hand.
Listen, that is the worst it
is ever gonna look, all right?
We'll do a consult with plastics.
You will be all right, I promise.
We're gonna take good care of you, OK?
Just hang tight.
Hey, that was really nice.
You seemed a lot calmer
How'd you do on your
fatty liver deposits?
- What?
- [MOCKINGLY] W-what?
- The scan, Matt. Come on.
- I don't know.
The tech said, like, 4%.
Oh, yowch. Really?
Mine was 2 1/2%.
That's less, you know?
How about nasal polyps?
How many they get you for?
I honestly don't remember.
Goose egg for me.
Yeah, you probably had
a couple, but that's typical.
But hey, you did good on the
spine, so it evens out, right?
Oh, thanks.
You know, it's kind of nice 'cause you
can fix the other stuff,
but the spine you got
is the spine you got.
Right, right. Yeah.
Well, liver's a pretty big one too.
Oop, sorry.
It's probably a sore subject for you
since I dominated you
on those fatty deposits.
Ah, no, it's OK.
You know, I always had
a fear with the spine
because back home, there was
this old hunchbacked guy
- who we called Old Hunchback.
- Whoa.
- And
- Whoa.
You can't say "hunchback," Matt.
No, they prefer
something else, I'd imagine.
Huh, it's not enough
they have to dodge pebbles
on the way to the market.
Now they got you slandering them?
- No.
- Oof.
I do not like this color on you.
Oh, my God.
Could you bleep "hunchback"?
Or [BLEEP]. Oh, sorry.
Hey, Alex.
Mr. Maybach had some test
results come back inconclusive,
and I just wanted to get your take.
Does this baby look like his daddy, Tim,
or his mommy, Serena?
Are you insane?
Hey!
I worked my whole lunch hour on that.
Took a while to get
a clear shot of Serena.
Plus, why do I have
to give them my credit card?
It's enough now, Ron, don't you think?
The last thing I need
is for Serena to see this
and it make things even more weird.
Aha!
So you do acknowledge
that telling Serena
made things weird.
No, I'm just saying
that out of context
you know what?
I am gonna clear this up right now.
Hey, Serena. Sorry. Sorry.
Just to give you more context
for the whole Tim thing.
So Ron and I were talking
about open communication,
all right, and that got us
on the subject of Gary
the delivery guy is hot.
- Alex
- No, it's OK.
No, I just want to get it all
out there in the open.
So you know how the nurses
are always talking
about how they'd hook up with Gary?
And, you know, they're
like, yeah, you know,
I'd accept his package.
And, you know, like,
slide it in my mailbox,
Gary, and stuff like that
hey, Gary!
Just need a signature on this.
Totally. Yep.
How's the kitchen remodel going?
Did you do the brushed nickel,
or did you
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
OK, cool. Have a good day.
Hey, Gary.
Yeah, you know, Ron's had a lot of fun
with his side of this.
Well, it just got an innocent
man accidentally harassed.
So is it funny now?
To Ron, it is, yes.
To him, it is very funny.
- Still waiting on labs.
- That's interesting.
So he's [PEN CLATTERS]
- Oh.
- Aha.
Here you go.
So he's using his thighs,
almost like a squat.
- Sorry, what?
- Hmm?
Huh? Nothing. No, just keep going.
What are you doing?
Just live your life, man.
Oh, forget it.
Knock it off with the peacocking.
I wasn't sure what Bruce
meant about peacocking,
but then I remembered I'd been
using this new hair putty
that creates a lot of volume,
so I should probably
dial that back a bit.
You know what? No.
I don't want to.
Hey.
Honey.
Are you mad at me?
What are you doing here?
Well, you hung up on me
after that little
Serena conversation, whatever that was.
And then you weren't you know,
- you weren't returning my call.
- We're OK.
Oh, I'm so sorry. These are beautiful.
I just yes, we are fine.
I'm just having
a really frustrating day.
Yeah? What's going on?
Oh, my God.
Serena freaked out
when I told her what you said.
I'm sorry. You told her what I said?
I did
OK, Ron was being super obnoxious, OK?
And that that's that's
that's the whole reason why I did it.
- That's really weird.
- It's gonna be fine.
- That's awkward as hell.
- I talked to her.
She thought maybe we wanted,
like, a throuple.
How is that gonna be fine
if she thinks that
- But I talked her out of it.
- No, she doesn't think that it's
- Hey, Serena.
- [CHUCKLES]
No, I already told Alex it's a no.
No. Yeah.
No, I just want to clear the air.
I don't, like, think
you're hot or something.
Oh, sweetie, I don't think that's
We don't really need to talk about it.
That's not making it better.
Oh, no, no, you're attractive,
in the objective sense
that anyone would
I just don't I'm
- I'm not tempted.
- Tim, please stop.
I don't want your best friend
thinking that I want
- to have sex with her.
- Who's talking about sex?
I am at work.
I said I don't want
to have sex with her.
We really don't need to
Hey, you kids, why don't we bring
the temperature down just a bit?
I don't even know
what this is all about.
What could possibly be the
point to bringing all this up?
He's been goading me on all day long
- about open communication
- OK!
[CHUCKLES, INHALES DEEPLY]
Let's just take a beat
and remember, I'm fine,
you're fine, we're all fine.
Ron, why do you have
a million pictures of Serena
on your computer?
- What?
- What?
OK. Hold on.
Ew!
What is happening with everyone?
No, no, no, no.
I meant nothing untoward.
I just needed a good
image for the website.
Hey, I decided to come
and work out on the floor.
And I've already sent out
three emails and a memo,
so getting it done.
[PHONE CHIMING, BUZZING]
Can you put that on silent?
I'm trying to concentrate here.
Oh, sorry.
It's just, Linda's mom
kind of wandered off.
Well, that's that's terrible to hear.
I'm sorry.
I do what you gotta do.
Appreciate it.
Yeah.
She does this sometimes.
Normally it's no big deal.
We keep a tracker
sewn into her moccasins.
But she left barefoot
this time, so we're concerned.
Well, I hope she comes back soon.
Yeah.
It is not a good neighborhood.
I'm telling you, it was a goof, OK?
I was trying to make an AI
image of her baby with Tim.
- Whoa. I
- Where'd you even get my photo?
Well, it looks like
they're all from today.
Yeah, they're all blurry.
Ew, how old is your phone?
Good news.
- Got a ping on Linda's mom.
- Shh.
Ron's obsessed with Serena.
I'm not obsessed with her.
She's young enough to be my daughter.
There is no attraction there whatsoever.
I would sooner sleep with Joyce.
Much sooner.
Ronald!
We are in the workplace,
and not every thought
needs to be spoken.
OK, but can we just
Even though it is a thought
that I have had on occasion.
And while I'm relieved
that someone finally said
the quiet part out loud,
I think we need to put
this genie back in the bottle.
- [DOOR CLICKS OPEN]
- There he is!
Hi.
Can I help you with something?
Well, I realized I had
three coffees this morning.
I know. I must have been
wiggling around in that thing
like an Animaniac.
I don't know what that is.
Well, the point being, I
I think it's probably worth
taking another go in the pod,
just to get an accurate read this time.
Right. Yeah.
It's just, the deal was only
for one free scan per employee.
Ah, yes.
Ve must follow ze rules, Kommandant.
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
You're not a Nazi to me.
But seriously, I'm happy
to pay out of pocket.
You know, money is no issue.
And obviously I'll throw in
a few extra bucks.
I know you gotta have your taste, huh?
I'm sorry.
It's really not recommended
to do two scans back-to-back.
Oh, my God, what do you want me to do,
sign a radiation waiver?
I'll sign a radiation waiver.
Happy to.
I just I I can do better.
You know, I I need another shot.
The results wouldn't be different.
Come on.
Just get me in the pod, brother.
I I don't know
how else to say this
Get me in the pod, brother.
No, no, no.
Don't smirk.
None of this would have happened
if you'd have taken my advice and kept
everything to yourself.
So technically I was right.
Then why do I feel so good right now?
No, I feel good.
Hey, Dakota.
Just to get it all out there,
Ron's the one who's been
eating your fancy yogurts.
Wait, seriously?
Those have probiotics
for uterine health.
Ron, those Ron!
So Matt here is applying
an antimicrobial cream
to guard against infection.
Ignore his puffy knees, by the way.
And once we dress it, I can
walk you through next steps.
But I'm definitely gonna have
scarring, right?
There may be some, but it
should flatten out over time.
You know, I actually have a few scars.
And, you know, they're kind of cool.
Shows you went through something
and came out the other side.
Like like, this was a wheat thresher.
And then I got bucked off a horse.
And this was from a cat
that had the plague.
So, you know, they all have
their own story.
It's it's sort of neat.
Yeah, great story,
cooking the halibut special.
Mark of a badass chef, you know?
Comes with the territory.
It's a it's a battle wound.
- You know, you should own it.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I guess that's kind of
a cool way of looking at.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on, hold on.
I just realized something.
Our imperfections tell our story.
- Yeah, that's what I was
- Matt, please.
I'm a surgeon. OK.
So I twist and contort
my body to save lives.
Oh, my God, my spine's not deformed.
It's my ugh, I don't know
my battle wound, right?
I just
Of course you're not better than me.
Oh, my God.
It's OK.
It's only a month.
Honestly, it is not that bad in here.
[CAR HORN BLARES]
Watch where you're going, dumb-ass!
You almost backed into me,
you fat piece of [BLEEP]!
[CAR HORN BLARING]
One month.
29 more sleeps.
[CAR HORNS BLARING]
[DOGS BARKING]