The Change (2023) s02e03 Episode Script

1
Well, it's all kicking off.
Some of the townswomen are demanding
chore remuneration
for all the hours logged in their
ledgers
while others are calling for
a hoover amnesty.
Question is will Linda step up
and be the leader that
the women need?
Back after this.
FOLK MUSIC PLAYS
Thank you.
The Verderer's really got his tits
in a tangle this time.
WOMEN LAUGH & CHATTER
HE MUTTERS
PHONE PINGS
COUGHING
PHONE PINGS AGAIN
Oh, come on!
Oh.
How do they even get my number?
COUGHING
Give up the fags, Siobhain.
Oh, it's not the fags,
it's the menopause.
Coughing's not a symptom of
the menopause! Isn't it?
I thought everything was a symptom
of the menopause these days.
Don't start.
Why are you here, Siobhain?
I'm taking some time for myself.
Well, who's looking after
Martin's mum?
Martin.
You've dropped Irene off at Martin
and Binky's?
Well, I'll tell you something,
Martin won't be looking after her,
and neither will Binky.
She's pregnant.
She's 86!
Not Martin's mum, you idiot.
But you didn't have kids cos
Martin didn't want them.
I know.
And now it's too late for you.
I know.
Decades too late.
Not decades.
I'm sorry.
You can stay here until you
get your head sorted out.
All right?
Cuppa?
Oh, that's not cider in that jug.
One week, and then I want you gone.
FAINTLY: # I wanna know,
Have you ever seen the rain? ♪
Late again, are we?
BOTH: What?
Have you always had plaits?
Have you always had
an abnormal gait?
Oh, why does everyone keep going on
about this?
People have different walks.
What are you on about?
Well, my friend bounces when
she walks.
Huh?
You know, like that.
Like that.
Oh!
I really think you should stop
eating endangered species.
It's like serving panda and mash.
I really think you should consider
making vegan eels.
No. We will serve vegan eels over
our dead bodies, Linda.
Ew. I think you should hear
her out, Therese.
You know, numbers are seriously down
and my bucket is all but dried up.
Vegan mushroom eels.
It makes perfect sense.
The forest is full of mushrooms.
The men wouldn't even notice.
Leave it all to me.
I've got my mushroom guidebook,
I've got my mushroom recipe.
What could possibly go wrong?
All right, one batch.
I'm surprised you've even got time
what with all
the riling up of
the womenfolk you've been doing.
I am not riling them up.
PHONE PINGS
Oh! Is my number posted up
all over town or something?
Yeah. Yeah. We put it there.
You can do your home-wrecking
housework hotline in your own time,
all right, not ours.
BIRD CAWS
And my guys up there,
they will tell me if you so much as
look at your phone, Linda.
Do you hear me?
BIRD CAWS
Yeah, I, I literally just told
her that, mate.
Not a bad idea, Linda.
LAUGHTER, CHATTER
All right, Tone?
It's a bleeding disgrace, Linda.
What is?
Well, the blooming PC brigade
coming down hard
on Julie's Pantry's
Cornish pasties. Ah?
Pasty Nazis, it's as simple as that.
I mean, you can't even say
Cornish pasty these days
without getting cancelled.
Well, you can.
Can you name one person who
said something politically incorrect
and then was never heard of again?
Yes. Oh. Bald guy. Former kickboxer.
Looks like a cross between
Vin Diesel
and the head of security at
a Las Vegas casino?
I know who you mean,
but I can't think of his name.
Very popular with boys between
eight and 14.
He's got a perfume out now.
Anyone else?
Yes. The tall bloke from
the acting dynasty.
He's always getting cancelled.
Looks like Where's Wally if he
shopped in Next?
I know who you mean,
but I can't think of his name.
Failed actor. Failed musician.
Failed Politician.
Over half a million X
formerly Twitter followers.
More popular than ever. Anyone else?
Yes, Professor Lobster.
Only eats meat and salt,
looks like a sad Christopher Lee?
I know who you mean,
but I can't think of his name.
Very popular with boys
between 14 and 35
who are very impressed by
long words.
Multi-millionaire, appears
on everything.
I just need one, Tone.
I can't think of one off
the top of my head, actually.
OK. Yeah.
So do you think Julie is going to
get cancelled
for saying Cornish pasty, Tone?
No, I don't think so.
No. Well, I'm glad we got
that one sorted out.
Yeah. Me too.
Whoo-hoo!
Woman with a bit of spunk.
What can limbo.
That is just my type.
Don't even think about it, Tone.
YELLING
Tony?
Well, get what you can while you can
still bend your knees, Lin.
Urgh.
In my bed, next to me,
while I'm asleep.
One week, Siobhain.
It's grounding, isn't it?
I connect to the soil every day.
Sometimes I stand. Sometimes I lay
down.
Sometimes I dance.
The soil doesn't just filter toxins,
it can absorb your grief as well.
Hmm, yeah, I feel
I feel calmer already.
Good.
Don't be stressing about
the women's strike.
Oh. It's all the texts.
They shouldn't be telling me
this intimate stuff.
You've no idea what
people get up to.
Seriously though,
I think you'd make a great leader.
No. Why?
Because you're, erm,
braver than you believe,
you're stronger than you seem,
and you're smarter than you think.
Is that Winnie the Pooh?
No.
Oh, I listened to the mushrooms,
like you said.
Really, what did they say?
They said, "Tell Pig Man
"to stop eavesdropping on our
private conversations."
Oh, and I found this.
Isn't that?
Yeah, Eel sisters as children.
Wow.
I don't know what it is yet,
but there's a missing link
here somewhere.
You know what?
Fuck off, the lot of you.
You're just jealous.
Cos you look old and shit.
Coming to you raw, unfiltered,
and white like milk,
it's The Verderer.
Good morning, good morning,
good morning.
I had planned on discussing
Jimmy Saville today,
but my attention has been turned to
a far greater threat to society.
Women.
Angry, foul-mouthed, old women.
Ooh, thought my ears were burning.
It's very sweet of you to try and
get my attention this way, Verderer,
very old school,
but I'm just not interested,
I'm afraid.
You think you're a MILF,
but you're just bitter,
old and barren.
Are you on air?
Linda fancies herself as
a bit of a feminist messiah,
er, liberating the oppressed women
from the shackles of domesticity.
But let me tell you,
she is no such thing.
She is a fake,
a charlatan, a home-wrecker.
She just wants the women of this
town to be as unhappy as she is.
The women came to me, Verderer, OK?
Because my ledger
resonated with them.
And it's not my fault if their
husbands aren't pulling their weight.
I wish I didn't know the things
that they told me, but I do now,
and to be honest with you, I think
they should be getting paid for them.
There is not a fetish club
in this country
that would tolerate half
the things they have to do.
Yeah?
But they were happy before,
in the garden, hanging out
the washing with the snake.
And then you come along,
Linda Jenkins,
or should I say Eve?
With her poisoned apple,
or should I say poisoned ledger?
And now they're ashamed.
Of themselves. Of their roles.
Of their aprons.
They're not ashamed.
They're happy and liberated.
Man and women were never equal.
Eve was made for Adam.
Yes, so that he had someone
to gaslight, and mansplain to,
and to laugh at his shit jokes.
It's biology, Linda.
Men and women's brains
are different.
The brain isn't gendered.
It's an organ,
like the kidney or an appendix.
Men's brains are bigger.
Not necessarily better.
Especially if all that extra space
is just taken up
with pointless trivia,
like which 1980s single topped
the charts the longest.
Two Tribes, Frankie Goes to
Hollywood. Nine weeks.
It is a fact.
Women are biologically predisposed
to care and to nurture,
whereas men are predisposed
to explore,
to take risks,
to destroy and rebuild,
to learn, to think.
I mean men invented everything.
Do you think we'd have
electricity now,
if Thomas Eddison had to do
his fair share of the dusting?
Yes, well Thomas Eddison's wife
probably invented it,
and he took all the credit.
Lose these traditional roles now,
and who are we?
What are we?
When are we?
Let me ask you, what kind of
middle-aged woman plays pool,
in a pub, on a Monday morning?
Smacking balls about while men are
trying to write and think?
I mean, it might be pool balls
today, gentlemen,
but it'll be OUR balls tomorrow.
Nice.
As Fayther Watkins' unofficial heir,
I will see to it
that his traditional values
are upheld.
I will restore order in this town.
Linda Jenkins' feminist agenda
has nothing to do with
equal rights for women.
It's all about pushing an
anti-family movement
that encourages women
to leave their husbands,
abandon their children,
practise witchcraft,
destroy the patriarchy
and become lezzers.
Sounds brilliant.
Where do I sign up?
You've made an enemy of me,
Linda Jane Jenkins.
Prepare for battle.
MUSIC PLAYS
Ah!
You're scared of a chair,
I think I'll be all right.
I'm scared of no chair.
Erm will it hurt?
Hurt is an essential
human experience.
To hurt is to feel.
If one cannot feel,
one is not truly alive.
Yes, but will it hurt?
I forgot. This came for you earlier.
Doesn't smell like your weekly
Stinking Bishop delivery.
HE SNIFFS
To fear change is to fear life.
Life is always changing,
and so are we.
'Hope it fits. Let battle commence.
The lads.'
DIDGERIDOO PLAYS
Fayther's codpiece!
Oh, Sally my dear,
it's you I'd be kissing
She smiled and replied "You don't
know what you're missing"
Oh, Sally my dear,
I wish I could wed you
Oh, Sally my dear,
I wish I could bed you ♪