Twisted Metal (2023) s02e03 Episode Script

1
[OWL HOOTING]
[THUNDER CRASHING]
GARRETT:
You gave so much in life.
I hope your soul's rest
is perfect and peaceful,
because your body's
in for a long ride.
[SPITS]
If the coffin's a-rockin',
don't come a-knockin'.
[GIGGLES]
Garret, wait a second.
Why is there no casket?
[DEEP VOICE]
'Cause there was nothing left
of his father to bury.
- [WHIMPERING]
- [SQUELCHING]
[YELPING]
[SQUELCHES]
[PANTING]
Come join us, brother.
[SIGHS]
[FEMININE VOICE]
Welcome.
You'll be happy here.
[BRITISH VOICE]
I think I like it already.
[NORMAL VOICE]
Hi, pop.
[♪♪♪]
[THUNDER CRASHING]
[ENGINE REVVING]
- [ENGINES REVVING]
- [QUIET GIGGLING]
So Dollface has this gigantic
insider guard in a chokehold,
when all of a sudden
I hear this loud
[POPS]
The guard
is dead as hell,
and his eyeballs are just
dangling out of their sockets.
And Dollface is like,
"Guess this guy's a sailor man,
because I just
made him Popeye."
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- Oh, that's fucking crazy.
She has so many
stories like that,
and she tells them
way better than me.
You would know that
if you stopped avoiding her.
I'm not avoiding her.
I'm just not going out of my way
to interact with her.
There's a difference.
All right,
if we're being honest,
she's just not
my cup of tea.
You don't even know her.
If my brother was
in the car behind us,
I sure as hell wouldn't
be riding with your dumb ass.
Family isn't just
being related, okay?
If I was a beaver,
I wouldn't spend all my time
hanging out with other
big ass rodents.
If a gator was cool,
and the vibe was right,
I'D kick it with him.
- QUIET: Shit, not again.
- What?
Oh, let's check it
at the next stop.
No. Pull over now.
If something's wrong,
you should address it
right away.
Pull over right here.
Go talk to your sister,
asshole!
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[CHUCKLING]
You piss her off?
Get in.
You, out.
Someone need a ride?
I told you, we're done,
and I meant it.
[SIGHS]
That's what I like
about the Jeremy Express.
It's all caboose.
[ENGINE REVS]
I love what you've done
with the interior.
Really shows
pride of ownership.
Still a neat freak.
So, what was it like
being back at our old house?
Like prison,
just with a lot of pizza.
Come on, nothing in there
caught your interest?
[SCOFFS]
The Baby-Sitters Club.
[LAUGHING]
Oh, shit.
- I used to love those books.
- Word?
Yeah, yeah. Ah, I had
such a crush on Logan.
Okay, so I gotta know,
how did Abby join the BSC
in book 89?
Abby?
Abby. Abby.
Uh, Abby, I--
I don't remember.
Well, excuse me for
not remembering a book,
Mr. "I bonked my head
and literally can't
remember anything."
Well, it's not like
I'm trying not to remember.
ASHLEY: I'm dying.
Should we make camp?
- [STATIC CRACKLES]
- Yeah, Ash.
We'll head for Diesel City
at first light.
Why don't you go set up
by the water tower up ahead?
John and I are going
to take a little detour.
Detour? I don't want
to take a detour.
- Shut up. You do. We're going.
- QUIET: Copy that.
Have fun, John.
JEREMY: Copy that.
Ashley and I
will be scouting
for food and supplies, over.
Who knows?
Maybe I'll get lucky,
find me a muffin.
I told you,
the bakery's closed.
Checking for bakery hours.
Finally.
Ready to fucking rock.
[MICHELLE BRANCH'S
"EVERYWHERE" PLAYING]
Just tell me how
I got this far ♪
Just tell me why you're here
And who you are ♪
'Cause every time I look
You're never there
And every time
I sleep ♪
You're always there
Here we go!
'Cause you're
Everywhere to me ♪
MAYHEM:
Would you shut up?
- [SCREAMING]
- [TIRES SQUEALING]
[STEREO CUTS OFF]
What the hell
are you doing here?
Covering my ears mostly.
- That's John singing.
- Yeah.
What are you doing
in my trunk?
You stood up for me
back there.
You
You saved me, Quiet.
[GUN COCKS]
All right, I laid it on a little
thick at the end there.
Fine. Look,
I want to enter
the tournament.
[LAUGHING]
It's not funny.
Oh, it is the way
I'm picturing it.
You'd be dead
two minutes in,
all flattened out, eyes crossed,
tongue hanging out.
That will not be me. Okay?
You're looking at the best
driver on the West Coast.
- No I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
- Think so?
- Know so.
Prove it.
[BUTTONS CLICKING]
Wow, you don't have
a goddamn clue
what you're doing,
do you?
I am just getting
my bearings.
You know, my ex-husband's car
was European.
It was a lot cooler
than this.
All right,
just put it in gear.
- [TIRES SQUEAL]
- Oh, my God!
[SCREAMING]
Stop, stop, stop,
oh, my God.
Why did you throw it
in reverse?
"D" is for drive, dumbass.
What--
No, I put it in drive.
"D," drive.
That's an "R." Do you not know
how to read, either?
No. Of course I can read.
You're looking at the best
reader on the West Coast.
Okay, that's it.
Get out.
We're done.
- [LOCKS CLICK]
- Ha, got you!
Who's the dumb ass now?
Have fun walking
to Diesel City, bitch.
Eat my diggity dust!
- [TIRES SQUEALING]
- [ENGINE CLANKING]
Oh, shit.
[COUGHING]
Oh, no, the dust.
Shut up!
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[GROANS]
Faster to go by canoe.
You know what? Fine.
Fine, whatever.
Just wake me up when Dollface
gets back. she'll teach me.
QUIET: Is that what you think
is going to happen?
She gives zero fucks.
I sort of gave
one teeny fuck,
but, damn, I guess
I was wrong.
[LOCKS CLICK]
Millennium Drive-In.
Headlights,
Camera, Action.
I don't even want to know
what kind of action
got blood
all the way up there.
Where are you going?
We stopped here one year
on the family road trip.
Your little mind was blown
by watching a movie in a car.
You were so obsessed,
you made Dad
take us here every summer.
- Come on.
- You're insane
if you think
I'm going in there.
This shit looks haunted.
You're still afraid of ghosts?
[SCOFFS] Wow.
Amnesia really is
a bitch.
You forget
your whole life,
but still remember
to be a pussy.
I'll show you a pussy!
Hold up, wait!
"L & K wuz here."
This was our spot.
Hmm.
Come on, get in.
[LOUD CLANGING]
My God, would you chill?
- There's nobody here but us.
- I know that.
Get in the car.
Come on.
[♪♪♪]
I would try and get
the projector working,
but I'm not going
in that shack.
It's okay. We're not here
for that anyway.
I was hoping
we could shake
some memories loose.
Maybe this will help.
So whenever there was
a car chase scene,
Dad would let you climb over
into the driver's seat
and pretend like
you were in the movie.
And you would go crazy
just pulling at
the steering wheel,
yelling all your little quips.
- JOHN DOE: Dry steering?
- DOLLFACE: Mm-hmm.
You mean to tell me
they would let me
torque at the tie rods
like that?
Not to mention
scuff the tires.
So our parents really treated
their vehicles like that?
Ooh, cool your jets there,
Martin Luther Keys.
You were little.
You couldn't do
any real damage.
But we did do a number
on the upholstery though.
Every time Mom and Dad
would go to the snack shack,
we would climb
through the sunroof
and scuff up the back seats.
That would piss them off.
[WHISTLING]
What you staring at me for?
The family whistle?
It was Dad's way of telling us
to sit our asses down.
I swear you could hear it
from miles away.
Right, it's like when
Abby's dad taught her
how to whistle
through an acorn cap.
Would you shut up about
the stupid fucking book?
Look at me. Are you even
trying to remember?
No. I'm not.
You want to know what it was
like for me being in that house?
All the pictures,
all the stuff in my room,
all the things I'm supposed
to remember, but I don't.
And then realizing
if I did get my memory back
I'd just be weighed down
by everything that I lost.
My parents,
my sister, myself.
I'd rather just be me,
be John.
- But you're Lionel.
- Lionel's dead!
[GUNFIRE]
What was that?
I don't know,
you brought me here!
- [LOUD THRUMMING]
- [YELPING]
[BOTH GROAN]
[THRUMMING]
[GUNFIRE]
[ENGINE REVVING]
[CHUCKLING]
What the fuck?
[SCREAMING]
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[ENGINE REVVING]
[PANTING]
What the fuck am I
even looking at right now?
I don't know,
but whatever he is,
he's not wearing a shirt,
and he's fucking jacked.
[GUNFIRE]
Those perfectly formed
pectorials
are basically bull's eyes.
Watch this.
[GUNSHOT RICOCHETS]
[SCREAMS]
[YELPING]
Oh, I'm so sorry!
You shot me!
What the fuck?
I'll lay down suppressive fire,
and you run.
- DOLLFACE: Okay.
- JOHN DOE: Run!
[GUNFIRE]
- [HISSING]
- [WINCING]
AXEL: Goddammit!
[PANTING]
- In there!
- Go, go, go!
Oh, shit.
[PANTING]
Shh, shh, shh,
shh, shh, shh.
[ENGINE REVVING NEARBY]
[SIGHING]
Oh my God,
you fucking shot me.
- What the fuck?
- I'm so sorry!
- Please don't cry.
- I'm not gonna cry, asshole!
- Ow, Jesus!
- It's okay. Is it bad?
Oh, shit.
Uh, it's barely noticeable.
- [GROWLING]
- No, no, no,
It's not--
You can't even see--
- [MUFFLED SCREAMING]
- Shh!
- [CRUNCHING]
- [YELPING]
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
[PANTING]
Here, sew it up.
Sew it up.
I don't want a nasty scar.
JOHN DOE: Right.
I got this, okay.
Come on.
Have you got it?
Yeah, I got it.
- You got it?
- Okay. Do I come from the top
- or the bottom?
- You ain't got shit!
- Okay, I--
- Hold onto this.
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Make yourself useful.
- Okay.
- God.
Oh, that's so aggressive.
- [WINCING]
- [SQUEALING]
QUIET: Before you even
start the car, do your checks.
Gassed up, guns loaded,
mirrors clear of vultures,
hands on the wheel
at ten and two.
No way!
I wanna look cool
- when I cross the finish line.
- Okay, yeah.
First lesson.
- [ENGINE REVVING]
- [SCREAMING]
QUIET: You gotta outrun
some vultures. Think fast.
- [GRUNTING]
- [TIRES SQUEALING]
Tried to 180 out of here,
and the vultures caught you.
- You're dead.
- [SIGHS]
QUIET: Again.
- Wrong.
- [YELLING]
QUIET: Nope.
Dead, dead, dead.
Lesson two.
Holy men dead ahead.
Shit, shit!
QUIET: You're hanging
your ass out.
[GRUNTING]
Oh, fuck!
[TIRES SQUEALING]
You were supposed to drive
through the barrels.
Guess what?
You died again.
[MAYHEM GROANS]
Goddamn it.
Time for your final exam.
Drive.
- What are you doing?
- [GUNSHOT]
- [SCREAMS]
- There's a killer clown
with flaming hair
right behind us.
- What's the move?
- At first I--
- [GUNSHOT]
- QUIET: Go!
You didn't even
give me a chance!
Neither will they.
Think fast!
- [GUNSHOT]
- [TIRES SQUEALING]
Are you giving up?
I knew it. I knew you weren't
cut out for this.
Fuck you, Quiet!
[TRUNK SLAMS]
I don't even want to know
what nasty diseases
you gave yourself using
that dirty ass needle.
I don't need
medical advice, Dr. Piss.
We just need to figure out
how we're getting
past those sound wave things
without sexy car man
knowing that we're in here.
Well, if we're going
to make it out of here,
we're going to need
a better vantage point.
I'm going to climb to the top
of the projection screen.
No, you're not.
We're going to
the concession stand.
Whatever's powering
those sound wave thingies
is for sure
coming from there.
Wait.
Wait, I'm remembering
something.
- Really?
- JOHN DOE: Yeah.
- What?
- I remember telling you
it was a fucking bad idea
to come in here!
Shh!
Do you hear that?
It's the sound
of a scared little bitch.
Oh, wait, that's you.
[ENGINE REVVING]
[CLANGING]
[♪♪♪]
JOHN DOE: Did you see
those metal hands?
This motherfucker
is full of surprises.
[SIGHS]
I wonder how
he, uh, you know,
starts his own engine.
JOHN DOE:
Forearms on that guy?
One wrong move, he'll rip the
shit off. Poor son of a bitch.
- [GROANING]
- Okay, so what's the plan?
DOLLFACE: Oh, yeah. Let's shoot
our way out of here,
because that worked
so well the first time.
It worked well for me.
- I looked fucking great.
- [GASPING]
- [BANGING]
- JEREMY: Ashley! Ashley!
[BOTH MOANING]
Oh, yes, give mama
that French bread!
Oh, it's proofing.
Oh, it's proofing.
[KNOCKING]
[GRUNTING]
Did you hear that?
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Come on, May,
you can't stay
back there forever.
Fine.
If you're not going to come out,
then I'm going to eat.
I am starving.
Mmm!
Mmm! Oh, my gosh.
Oh, it's so good.
Mmm, and I have
so much of it.
MAYHEM: What is it?
- QUIET: Rattlesnake.
- You can make snake jerky?
Yeah. It's not that hard.
My brother taught me how.
Killing the fuckers
is a pain in the ass.
But then you salt them
and put them
in a salt bath
and hang them out to dry.
It has to be strong
sunlight, though.
I learned that
the hard way.
- What happened?
- What do you think?
I ate it raw and puked so hard
I shit myself.
Yeah, it was a lot
of shit too,
- like, everywhere.
- Ooh, that's tough.
My brother wouldn't stop
laughing, the jagoff.
Hmm, guess being a jagoff
runs in the family.
Yeah.
He wasn't a great teacher,
but he helped me survive.
Eventually,
I figured it out on my own.
Listen, why do you want to enter
this tournament so badly?
You do know
it's to the death, right?
Yeah. So?
I'm not afraid of dying.
And if I win,
I could wish
for a better life.
Come on,
let's try again.
Okay.
Shh, shh, come on.
Okay.
[GULPING]
[BOTH GROANING]
[BELCHES]
How is this guy
even alive?
[GRUNTS]
Come on.
He's distracted.
[COUGHING]
DOLLFACE: Eww.
This place is a mess.
But it's still cleaner
than your car.
Smells better too.
[CHUCKLES]
Shut up
and cut the power.
[FAINT MECHANICAL NOISE]
"Axel."
[RUSTLING AND CLANKING]
What kind of sick fuck
would do this?
[FOOTSTEPS RUNNING]
- [CACKLING]
- [GRUNTING]
I'd lower that pea-shooter
if I were you.
Put it on the counter.
Well, I'm impressed
you got past my guard dog.
- Not many do.
- [DOLLFACE GRUNTS]
We're just trying
to get out of here, man.
Oh, please.
You're like everyone else
who comes sniffing
around here
trying to steal
my life's work.
[TSK-TSKING]
You're jealous.
Oh, why would we
be jealous of you?
You're making car people.
That's an oversimplification!
I evolved that broken killer
into something more.
If the only way
to survive outside
is to be in a car,
then what if
you could be the car?
But it's still not right.
There's still
too much human in him.
Oh, but I could get it right
with one of you.
So what, you just make cars
out of Black people?
What? No!
It's not racially motivated.
- Is that how it's coming off?
- Yeah!
I mean, you look at him,
you look at us.
Let me just say,
I've always believed
science is colorblind.
- [SCOFFS]
- Oh, God.
[BREATHY WHISTLING]
What
What's going on with him?
[BREATHY WHISTLING]
He's not sick, is he?
To be honest,
I have no idea what he's doing.
Family whistle!
The family whistle!
- [GRUNTS]
- [SCREAMING]
[GROANING]
BOTH: Ooh.
[WINCING]
Some of my best friends
are Black.
[DEATH RATTLE]
Thanks, big bro.
Now, if we can just get that
tiny little butthole
of a mouth to whistle.
If my mouth is a butthole,
so is yours.
That's how genes work.
Now, go cut the power
so we can bail.
- [MACHINERY CLICKING]
- [ELECTRIC HUM FADING]
[ENGINE WHIRRING]
Hey, uh,
Axel, right?
Listen, I know
we had our differences,
but, um,
we just killed
this little racist nerd,
and we cut the power,
so you're free to go.
Now I hope we can go
our separate ways peacefully.
What?
We've had our differences--
Dude, you got-- You gotta use
your big boy voice
- What you--
- We cut the power.
You're free to go.
Oh, good looking out.
I hated
that motherfucker.
Peace!
[ENGINE NOISE FADING]
Remember, driving is about
making a decision
and making it happen.
You second guess yourself,
you crash and burn.
All right, gassed up,
guns loaded,
mirrors clear of--
Jeremy?
[PANTING] Run!
He's coming!
- [BLADE WHOOSHING]
- [GURGLES]
[GASPS]
[TIRES SQUEALING]
Damn.
Drive.
Uh, what is he doing?
[MUTTERING]
[MAN SIGHS]
Oh, shit! We decided
to drive! D! D!
[TIRES SQUEALING]
- [GROANING]
- [TIRES SQUEALING]
Holy shit, I did it!
- Celebrate later.
- Right!
- [TIRES SQUEALING]
- [ENGINE REVVING]
Uh, what the hell is that?
Quiet, this wasn't on
the final exam!
Think fast!
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[METAL CLANGING]
[SCREAMING]
[ENGINES REVVING]
[METAL CLANGING, FADING]
[DISTANT SCREAMING]
'Cause you're
Everywhere to me ♪
When I close my eyes
It's you I see ♪
And everything I know
That makes me believe ♪
I'm not
Alo-whoa-whoa-one ♪
'Cause you're
Everything to me ♪
And when I close me eyes
It's you I see ♪
You're everything I know
That makes me believe ♪
I'm not
Alo-whoa-whoa-one ♪
JOHN DOE: When we win
I was thinking maybe
I'd take Quiet
up to Grandpop's cabin.
DOLLFACE: Oh. The cabin.
You know, that brings back
some memories.
Wait, how are you gonna
remember Grandpop's cabin
and not Grandpop?
I might have found
a way there.
- Hey, I drew this.
- Yeah.
[DOLLFACE CHUCKLES]
Bitch, you read my diary?
What? No, I wouldn't--
Yeah. Okay,
just a little bit.
Look, I got tired
of hearing about horses
and how funny
Brian Carroll was.
Ooh, funny and fine.
- [VEHICLE APPROACHING]
- Ugh.
No third grader
could resist his charms.
- Oh, well.
- [CHUCKLING]
JOHN DOE: Look
who decided to show up.
Why is the kid driving?
Why is your face
all fucked up?
We just had a run in
with the grim douchebag
and a naked man on wheels.
- [GASPING]
- BOTH: Axel!
QUIET: Ashley and Jeremy
are dead.
They're real fucking dead.
And we're going
to be next
if we don't get
the fuck out of here.
Shit. Okay, uh,
we should load up.
- I'll ride with you.
- Okay.
- So the detour worked, huh?
- It did.
Thank you for
making that happen.
You're high, aren't you?
Indubitab-ably.
Ash and Jeremy weren't
the best soldiers,
but their hearts were committed
to the cause.
May their souls
bang for eternity.
Why didn't she
bury the mask?
The mission lives on.
It'll go to the next doll
worthy of wearing it.
Hmm. Well, you know,
when you go down,
I'll keep
your mask alive.
- Oh, that's so nice.
- Yeah.
Knowing your driving, it'll
probably be you that kills me.
[♪♪♪]
DOLLFACE: Diesel City,
where the biggest, scariest,
loudest special weapons
are made and sold.
That's cool,
but we don't have any money.
We don't need money,
because we're going
to steal them.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[THE OFFSPRING'S
"COME OUT AND PLAY" PLAYING]
SWEET TOOTH:
This is my kind of party!
CALYPSO:
Welcome to my contest.
MAYHEM: What are you up to,
you long-haired fuck?
CALYPSO: You'll compete
in multiple rounds,
each unique and more deadly
than the last.
Where in the fuck
do you think you're going?
CALYPSO: If you survive,
you advance.
QUIET: There's a lot of
stone-cold killers here.
- JOHN: Hi, Sweet Tooth.
- Ah!
SWEET TOOTH: Grimm,
how the hell did you get out?
GRIMM:
I got a special invitation.
CALYPSO: The last driver
behind the wheel
gets their wish granted.
[GRUNTING]
We're taking them all down.
Bash it up
Bash it up ♪
Bash it up
Bash it up ♪
Hey ♪
Man you're talkin'
Back to me ♪
Go, go, go, go, go!
Fuck!
Take him out
I'm worried
what it'll take to win.
AXEL: You make
a run at me, I will end you.
Coroner gonna list your cause
of death as everything.
CALYPSO: It's time for
the tournament to begin!
QUIET: John!
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[♪♪♪]
Do you think we'll win?
- Come out and play
- STU: Get some!
Welcome to Twisted Metal!
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]