Wednesday (2022) s02e03 Episode Script

1
[eccentric, baroque music playing]
[Morticia] Stassa's waiting list
is six months long.
How did you get her up to Jericho
on a moment's notice?
She has a sore spot
for disembodied appendages.
And I tripled her usual fee.
[Morticia] I'm so mortified
we forgot Thing's birthday.
It's unforgivable.
I've been so preoccupied with the children
and chairing the fundraising gala
No, no, no, no, no
Fret not, cara bella.
Another hour under Stassa's deft touch,
Thing will be a new hand.
Tell me, how goes the fundraising?
Agonizing.
[sighs]
Last night,
I had the sudden urge to call Mama,
and ask her to be
guest of honor at the gala.
[gasps]
How very distressing.
She is Nevermore's wealthiest alumni.
Doubtless that's why
Principal Dort recruited me.
Of course not, darling.
[indignant huff]
I will never understand why my
[through gritted teeth] dearest Mama
has to make
every interaction so torturous.
Fortunately, I have
a very high threshold for pain.
Which I find intoxicating.
[Gomez smooching]
Perhaps I can help you
take your mind off your
mother.
[sensuous tango music playing]
[tango continuing faintly in distance]
[suspenseful music building]
[faint thud echoes]
[music intensifies, halts]
Darling, I'm going to slip into something
a little bit more uncomfortable.
Make sure it has
a lot of spikes and buckles.
[anticipatory exhale]
I underestimated your bat-like hearing.
And my maternal intuition.
Did you honestly think
I would hide Goody's book in there?
You used to hide
our Dia de los Muertos presents in here.
Because I wanted you to find those.
Do you remember my
favorite bedtime story?
Mm-hmm.
The Salem Witch Trial transcripts.
Nothing put you to sleep faster
than the rantings of the condemned.
They were allowed
to make their case to the magistrate.
Allow me the same courtesy?
In my most recent vision,
I learned that I am responsible
for Enid's death.
What did you see?
A headstone with Enid's name.
It was in the middle of
a graveyard filled with crows.
They were being led by a one-eyed crow.
Then Enid appeared
and claimed it was my fault.
Galpin was murdered
by that same one-eyed crow.
And his former partner
was also killed by these birds.
These aren't random attacks.
Someone is behind it all.
An Avian?
I need to find the killer
before they get to Enid.
I am not appealing to you as my mother,
but as a fellow psychic.
As a fellow psychic, you
understand your visions are unreliable
and open to many interpretations.
Not mine.
I had mastered my ability. It showed
me exactly what I needed to see.
Hmm.
Like that serial killer, hmm?
In Kansas City.
[chilling music plays]
- [screaming]
- [blade thwacking]
- [music halts]
- Every artist needs their own signature.
You've made a very compelling argument
to never give you back that book.
You haven't mastered anything.
But the only answers I have
are in that book.
They're not answers.
They're shortcuts
that will lead you down
a treacherous path filled with pain.
Your treacherous path
is my walk in the park.
[scoffs]
You sound just like Ophelia.
She was impatient and strong-willed,
and allowed her ability
to drive her to madness.
I'm not your sister.
No, you're my daughter.
And I won't fail you
the way that my mother failed Ophelia.
This isn't over.
[Gomez chortling]
[inhales deeply] Tish?
I'm sorry, mon cheri.
The romantic mood
has unexpectedly escaped me.
[gasps]
Maybe later.
[giggles]
[jauntily macabre music playing]
Until I can thwart my mother
and get Goody's book back,
I might have to solve
this case the old-fashioned way.
Galpin may have
finally left a useful clue.
Yet even in death,
he refuses to cooperate.
[Enid] Ugh! I'm doomed.
I have nothing to wear.
And where's the top
to my zebra-striped bikini?
Hiding in shame.
Are you gonna stare
at that disgusting eyeball,
or help out your friend?
[Wednesday]
It's an overnight camping trip.
How many outfits could you need?
There's the bus fit,
and then the opening campfire,
then the late-night swim,
then the morning hike,
and the final jamboree.
Not to mention
breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
If you came, it would be
the perfect opportunity
to get to know the Wolf Pack better.
As Voltaire once said, "The happiest
of lives is a busy solitude."
You can't avoid people forever.
Ironic, considering
you've been avoiding Ajax.
He keeps dropping gifts at the door
like some desperate raccoon.
Ugh! I just didn't expect my relationship
with Bruno to heat up so quickly.
We literally skipped
right past the talking phase.
[sighs] Oh, I don't know
how to break things off with Ajax.
A quick blow to the head should suffice.
I don't want to hurt his feelings.
It's not his fault we grew apart.
Didn't Divina borrow your swimsuit top?
Oh my God. Maybe she did. Thank you.
[door opens]
I don't know
if Divina borrowed her bikini top.
I needed the decibel level
to go down so I could think.
That premonition stays between us.
She's gone full Sylvia Plath
over a bikini top.
Who knows how she'd react
if she knew I had a vision of her death?
Enid's dying? Can I sing at the funeral?
"Somewhere Over the Rainbow."
Feels very Enid.
I already know the lyrics.
How long have you been here?
Since this.
Make it disappear again.
Enid's not going to die,
because I'm going to find
the murderer first.
Breathe a word
And you'll find
some fiendishly exotic way to kill me.
I know.
So what's our next move?
There is no next move.
I already have a right hand.
I don't need another.
Go find somebody else to stalk.
The more you push me away,
the more I'll want to please you.
Classic emotional manipulation technique.
I'm late for a funeral.
If you're here when I get back,
I'll be early for another.
[bees buzzing]
So, Slurp just came back on his own?
Yep. He was in here
when I came in this morning.
He looks different.
I I think he's healing.
- [Slurp burps]
- Check out the inside of his skull.
[Pugsley] I think he's even starting
to regrow a brain in there.
[Eugene] Incredible.
It's like he's regenerating
in hyper speed.
[Pugsley] I'm telling you,
it's the mystery meat.
The more he eats, the more alive he gets.
What are we going to do
if he runs away again?
He won't.
He may be brainless, but he knows
he's got a sweet set-up here.
Who else is going to take care of him?
[Eugene] Whoa! Check out this larva!
New England corpse moth.
Super rare. Only ever found
In corpses?
- [retches]
- What's the matter, boy?
[grunts, yowls]
Did you hear that?
He said his first word.
Br
That's right, I am your bruh!
[Eugene] He's a zombie.
He's not trying to call you his bruh.
He's trying to say "brains."
Don't use the Z word.
He's sensitive.
How do you not know this?
We're supposed to be his friends!
No biting! No biting! Bad Slurp!
This is way too dangerous.
We need to tell someone.
No!
They'll take him away,
or worse, put him down.
He's already dead. We can't leave him
here alone while we're off camping.
Don't worry about that.
I already got that covered.
[officiant] May the
road rise to meet you.
May the wind be at your back.
May the sunshine warm your face,
and may the rains fall upon your fields.
May God hold you always. Amen.
Two mourners.
That's two more than
Galpin ever deserved.
[Santiago] The department
had to send an official.
He was a former sheriff.
I lost the coin toss with Ryken.
And I'm here representing Tyler.
He rather grimly asked me
to make sure his father was really dead.
What's your excuse?
I'm mixing business with pleasure.
Funerals are a hobby.
And killers have a habit of showing up
to their victims' interments.
Dr. Fairburn tells me
you visited Tyler at Willow Hill.
He won't give you clues.
He'll send you down rabbit holes.
It doesn't take
years of police work to see that.
It wasn't years of police work
that exposed Tyler as a Hyde. It was me.
Then I shouldn't have to warn you
to stay out of the crosshairs
of another unhinged Outcast.
Whoever killed Galpin
and Bradbury means business.
Don't tempt fate, Ms. Addams.
Did Galpin ever visit Tyler?
You don't really expect me
to tell you that.
Once.
Within seconds, Tyler transformed. Almost
ripped through those titanium bars.
It took five minutes with a shock collar
before he returned to his human form.
Never seen anything like it.
Pure, undiluted rage.
This killer, I think they're an Avian.
The ability to control birds.
Intriguing theory.
Rest assured, we have
no Avian patients at Willow Hill.
I appreciate your candor.
Like you said, the only reason that Tyler
is safely locked away is because of you.
I think that's worth a little
off-the-record quid pro quo.
That's more than Galpin ever gave me.
[mysterious, unsettling music playing]
[caws]
[music trails off]
[keyboard clacking]
Oh! Welcome to the Inn at Apple Hollow.
Checking in?
I need the key to room 302.
This guest is not to be disturbed.
And I was never here.
It's me.
Mom?
[Gabrielle gasps]
I told you to keep these closed.
You haven't been out, have you?
I've been glued to the news.
Yeah. I heard the FBI raided
the Morning Song compound this morning.
But Gideon wasn't there.
I'm scared.
The only way you were leaving that cult
was in handcuffs or a body bag.
- I wasn't gonna let that happen.
- I know.
Look, Gideon found you
at your most vulnerable.
I'm not blaming you.
[Gabrielle] You should.
We both know the only
reason he married me
was to help him recruit people
so that he could steal their money.
Water under the bridge.
The hard part is over.
I got you out.
Now you just have to stick to the plan.
You got the evidence that Gideon's a fraud
and I sirened those feds into action.
They're going to find him.
And then, once he's in custody,
we'll be free.
I promise I will keep you safe.
[Wednesday]
This investigation has flatlined.
The only chance for resuscitation
is by taking drastic measures.
Agnes, when you sent me
those stalker text messages,
how did you unlock Galpin's phone?
The nose is a little bigger.
[springy scrunching]
[cheeky music playing]
[phone bleeps]
[Wednesday] I'm in.
[Agnes] Nice shape-shifting, Josephine.
Anything for Wednesday Addams.
I grabbed what I could from Galpin's
house before the cops did a sweep.
For our first case together,
I wanted to over-deliver.
I find your lack of boundaries infuriating
and your fawning devotion irksome.
But your ability does have
its investigative perks.
She's even crueler in person.
Leave. You're both dismissed.
[Bradbury] They're onto me.
If I don't make it,
the evidence is safe at the bullpen.
- [crow caws]
- [phone bleeps]
[Wednesday] Bullpen?
Bradbury hasn't been a cop for years.
Doubt he was talking about
the bullpen at the sheriff's station.
I think we're looking for an address
to a house or apartment.
[intriguing music playing]
[uneasy violin line quavering]
Pine Crest, 2015.
[intriguing music continues]
Yes, but how do we get there?
Looks like the great outdoors
beckons after all.
Pack weapons.
[martial bugle call]
Atten-hut!
It's time to heed the call to adventure!
- [whoops]
- [all cheering]
Good morning, my fellow Outcasts!
So wonderful to see
your bright and shining faces.
The buses are already here.
Be careful loading those coffins.
Number one, look out for each other.
Number two, have fun!
This is my last taste of civilization
for two whole days.
I'll get a venti furraccino,
two pumps chocolate, one pump strawberry,
and an extra pump of steak sauce, please.
Guess you weren't ready
to commit to anything.
[uneasy] Hey.
I know you like to change your mind
about outfits until the last minute.
[sighs]
Yeah, I've been trying to work really
hard on my overpacking addiction,
but so far I've failed miserably.
Let me give you a hand.
No worries. I got this.
[Capri] Miss Sinclair.
A word?
- Thank you.
- [barista growls]
Let's catch up at the campgrounds.
Sure. Sounds like a plan.
Looked like you needed some help.
We're going to need to go over
some ground rules with everyone,
since someone decided to schedule
a camping trip during a full moon.
Mr. Tudor-Pole!
Oh my God, yes!
You decided to come. [sighs]
We're gonna have so much fun.
Tamp down the exuberance.
This is merely a cover
for my ongoing murder investigation.
A Wednesday slay-cation.
[yelps, sighs]
Scram, psycho, before my claws slip.
Don't get your fur balls in a snarl.
I'm assisting Wednesday.
I managed to triangulate
the exact coordinates of the cabin.
It's a brisk 30-minute
hike from our camp.
I took the liberty
of plotting multiple routes.
She tried to kill me, remember?
Yes, but she failed,
which proves she's only an amateur.
Ouch.
I I deserved that.
Take my pack.
Secure me a window seat.
I'll be sleeping with one eye open.
Don't bother, pup.
- You wouldn't see me coming anyway.
- [scoffs]
Ms. Addams, I was glad to see your
last-minute addition to our adventure.
Why the change of heart?
In my experience,
someone always dies in the woods.
Perhaps we'll get lucky.
[chuckles]
["I Walked with a Zombie" playing]
I walked with a zombie ♪
I walked with a zombie ♪
I walked with a zombie ♪
Last night ♪
[groovy folk rock playing]
I walked with a zombie ♪
I walked with a zombie ♪
I walked with a zombie ♪
Last night ♪
[song trails off]
Despite my attempts to exsanguinate,
you're not completely bloodless.
Sis, what what's up?
What's with the vampire coffin?
Uh
I used it to smuggle signal flares
and gasoline.
You know, for the forest fire?
You mean campfire.
Wh Whatever. As
long as something burns.
[Slurp snarls, whimpers]
[car horn tooting Chopin's funeral march]
[sweeping, morbid music swells]
[Gomez] Hello, my pernicious prodigy.
Don't you find the smell of fresh air
positively nauseating? [chuckling]
To what do we owe
this ghastly apparition?
[Gomez] The call went out
for parent chaperones,
and I've spent my fair share of time
under nature's canopy.
You know the concrete jungle
doesn't count.
What's she doing here?
Her idea of "communing with nature"
is deadheading roses in the greenhouse.
[Gomez] I thought we'd make it
a family affair.
Pugsley and I can engage
in some father and son bonding.
Uh, no no thanks, Dad.
I I think I'm going
to stick with Eugene.
Lurch, can you give me a hand?
[Lurch lows]
Maybe you two could work it out.
[adventurous music playing]
[jauntily macabre music playing]
You have the look of a predator.
Allow me to be your helpless prey.
Not now, caro mio.
Tish, I hate seeing you so out of sorts.
Maybe you should give Wednesday the book.
I know your instinct is
to give in to her, but we can't.
I can deal with the venomous resentment,
but I won't lose her.
And darling,
I need your full support.
[quirky, lively music playing]
[Eugene] Thanks for setting up the tent.
Out here, the world's my terrarium.
What's with the bottle rockets?
Early warning system.
For what?
[rapid thumping]
[Eugene yelps]
What's Slurp doing here?
It's like you said.
We couldn't leave him on his own.
So you brought him camping in the woods
with all our classmates?
Relax. If he tries to escape, we'll know.
That's it. I'll bunk with the other guys.
I'm not sleeping with a zombie.
Zombies don't sleep. Duh.
[Gomez] Hello?
Hello, boys. I come bearing gifts.
[chuckles]
So, your mother packed
some homemade trail mix.
Extra earthworms, bugs, dirt, toenails.
Everything you'd find on the trail.
Cool. Thanks.
[muffled growling]
Just my stomach.
Good timing with the snacks.
So, are you going to invite me in
so I can inspect your tent?
No No.
Eugene just let one rip.
Yeah, it smells like
someone died in there.
So, if you get in trouble,
remember the first rule of camping.
Leave no trace.
[whispers] Especially the bodies.
[stilted, anxious laughter]
Good one, Mr. Addams.
For the next two days,
Camp Jericho
is now known as
Camp Outcast!
[Dort whoops]
This is a new
annual tradition at Nevermore.
A wilderness retreat
that promotes community building,
team spirit,
and most importantly
Outcast pride!
Yes!
At Camp Outcast,
there are no cell phones.
And no Normies for miles.
[whistle blowing shrilly]
[stern voice] Incorrect!
I beg to differ with your last point.
Ron Kruger,
Phoenix cadet master.
I reserved this campground six months ago
for my annual Camp CLAW.
Cadets what does CLAW mean?
[cadets] Camping, learning,
adventure, wilderness!
We have a signed contract.
Which means you need to pack your tents
and vacate the woods immediately.
Well, I also have a contract
signed by the camp's owner.
Old Jack. Yeah, he retired to Orlando.
His sons run the business now.
Must have double-booked.
Sounds like Normie incompetence.
Well, see you around, Sarge.
I've been preparing
these boys for the last 364 days
for my ultimate wilderness challenge.
That is happening this weekend!
Cadets, help them pack and load.
Outcast taillights at 1600 hours.
[cadets] Sir, yes, sir!
[air horn blaring]
[cheekily sinister music playing]
If you and your dead-eyed drones
want this campground so badly,
then fight us for it.
Excuse me?
Winner takes all. Loser goes home.
[Dort] I like the sound of that.
Unless you and your boys
are not up for the challenge.
Okay, pigtails.
We speak the same language.
What are you proposing?
In an unexpected change to our schedule,
I am announcing the first
Cadets vs. Outcast color war.
Each side will have their own team
zephyr, designed by our DaVinci students.
[Kruger]
The rules of engagement are simple.
The teams will comprise of
up to ten members.
They will be divided
into defenders and attackers.
The defenders will hold
the other side's zephyr hostage.
The attackers are allowed to recapture
the zephyr by any means necessary.
[Dort] Once a team
has reclaimed their zephyr,
they will fire a flare.
Then it's a race to the finish,
across Ciderback Falls,
back here to the lookout tower.
The first team to place their zephyr
on the tripod at the top wins.
You have five minutes
to select your teammates.
Guess the Nightshades are back.
- Bruno and I want in.
- [Eugene] So do I.
Ah, man.
I'm sorry.
This is a Nightshades-only team.
- But, sure. Go ahead.
- So what's the plan?
Well, we can guard the zephyr.
I'll stone and you can siren
anyone who gets near us.
The rest of us will be on the attack.
[Kruger] Good luck, freaks!
[Wednesday] I only traded my bed
for a tent to find Galpin's cabin.
A troop of testosterone-fueled jarheads
is not compromising that mission.
Noah, Dylan, Griffin, Jasper.
You're gonna form a perimeter.
- Don't let those freaks get through.
- Sir, yes, sir!
[Kruger] I've hidden some unsanctioned
military supplies to even the odds.
Bailey, you'll lead our strike squad.
Victory is the only acceptable outcome.
Sir, yes, sir!
Defeat is not an option.
- [cadets] Sir, yes, sir!
- I don't hear you!
Sir, yes, sir!
[crowd clamoring]
- [Enid] Good luck, guys!
- [team member] Ajax, this way.
- Attack squad, split off.
- Yes, sir. Let's go!
[spirited, patriotic music playing]
- Focus, cadet.
- Yes, sir!
I can't siren them
while they're wearing headphones.
Aim for the gorgon's beanie.
[distressing music intensifies]
No.
Close your eyes!
I got it! Fire the flare!
- Come on!
- [whoops]
[flare whistling, crackling]
Green flare. The cadets got their zephyr.
[grouses]
Come on!
[cadet] Yeah!
[cheering continues]
Call in the hounds.
[distressing music continues]
Come on!
- [Bruno] Watch out!
- It's tear gas!
[Enid, Bruno coughing]
[cadet laughing]
Signal air support.
["Ride of the Valkyries" playing]
[bold, imposing classical music playing]
[cadets exclaiming]
[muffled grunting, groaning]
[cadet] Get it Get it off!
[scream echoing]
[triumphant horns resounding]
[Wednesday]
Takes more than chemical warfare
to bring tears to my eyes.
[music crescendos, halts]
Purple flare! Wednesday got the zephyr!
Yes! [laughs]
[adventurous music playing]
But Wednesday's so far behind.
[cadet] Come on!
Come on, come on!
Come on, let's go.
Whoo, yeah!
[Enid panting]
What's the plan?
What? Come on.
Come on, let's go.
Yeah!
[Dort whoops]
[crowd exclaims]
[triumphant music surges]
[music swells, trails off]
[Wednesday] Galpin's cabin's approximately
two and a half miles east from the camp.
Be on alert for
our black-winged tormentor's return.
If we leave now, we can get back
before anyone realizes we've gone.
Joining the campfire festivities
this evening, Ms. Addams?
I usually enjoy cruel and unusual
punishments. Not tonight.
Most people would have FOMO.
"Fear of missing out."
I have FOBI. "Fear of being included."
Well
I just wanted to say thank you
for standing up to those normies.
For someone
who professes to be anti-social,
you accomplished in one afternoon
what a thousand
trust exercises never could.
So thank you.
[Kruger] I've got one word
for your performance today.
Pathetic!
Sir, yes, sir!
You got outplayed
by a pint-sized teenage Outcast!
A female, no less!
How does that make you feel?
The correct answer is worthless!
Thank you for your
valuable feedback, sir!
You've been crushed
and humiliated in battle.
But a phoenix always rises in defeat!
Tonight,
we recapture Camp Jericho!
Sir, yes, sir!
[acoustic cover
of "Bad Moon Rising" playing]
[Capri] I see the bad moon a-rising ♪
Thank you.
I see trouble on the way ♪
I see earthquakes and lightnin' ♪
I see bad times today ♪
Don't go 'round tonight ♪
Well, it's bound to take your life ♪
[Capri, Morticia]
There's a bad moon on the rise ♪
I hear hurricanes a-blowing ♪
I know the end is coming soon ♪
I fear the river's overflowing ♪
I hear the voice of rage and ruin ♪
Every mirror has a dark side.
[dark, suspenseful music playing]
Patricia Redcar.
Bronte Wigan.
Julian Meiojas.
These are all Outcast obituaries.
Some died more than 15 years ago.
All Willow Hill patients.
"Lois."
If she's the one targeting Outcasts,
Enid could be her next victim.
[jittery audio distortion]
[exhales]
Goody's book is
the only way to get my ability back.
I've asked nicely.
It's time to try something more pointed.
[Capri, Morticia]
Well, it's bound to take your life ♪
There's a bad moon on the rise ♪
The rise ♪
Oh, there's a bad moon ♪
On the rise ♪
[group cheering]
Thank you.
You have a beautiful voice, Mrs. Addams.
Oh.
I usually only sing at funerals.
[Bianca gulps]
Oh! [Dort chuckles] Is this
an impromptu fundraising meeting?
No.
But I did reach out to my mother.
Oh!
Um, I know that she hasn't been
an active donor for many years now.
Were you able
to convince her to reconsider?
She didn't take my call.
Well, perhaps
we could invite her to campus.
Face-to-face is always better.
It sounds like you have
a complicated relationship.
Oh, she's very uncomplicated.
She likes to manipulate every situation,
and I refuse to play her game.
Well, look around you, Mrs. Addams.
This is what Nevermore is about.
You think you could maybe
set aside your differences
and extend an olive branch?
Mama would only accept hemlock.
Hmm.
After we cage the pups,
we're gonna sneak down to the lake
for a midnight swim. You in?
[Enid chuckles softly]
[Ajax] How long have we been broken up?
I know that gorgons can be kind of slow,
but I guess
I just didn't want to believe it.
You're right, Ajax.
I should have told you when school
started that my feelings had changed.
- Was it something that I did?
- No.
Just, over the summer,
I realized I wasn't that insecure girl
who thought she'd never fit in.
But I like that girl.
I know.
And she wolfed out. And found herself.
You never gave me a heads-up.
I wish we could have
just talked about it before you
before you moved on without me.
I'm really sorry.
I just didn't expect things
with Bruno to heat up so fast.
You remember that day in Uriah's Heap?
I guess squirrels and rats
can't work out after all.
[delicate, plaintive music playing]
I kinda feel bad for that gorgon.
- [cadet] Me too.
- Let's move out.
[plucky, patriotic music playing]
[music trails off]
[Morticia humming]
[stops humming]
Wednesday,
you missed all the campfire activities.
Then my timing is perfect.
Are you here to talk?
We don't solve anything
in this family with words.
We do it with deeds.
Most of them dirty.
Case in point, your
theft of Goody's book.
I'm giving you
one last chance to return it to me.
You know I won't do that.
Then you leave me no choice.
I'm challenging you to a duelo-a-ciegas.
You want to cross blades in a blind duel?
I feel your grandmama's
bony fingerprints all over this gambit.
I know you two have been talking.
She used to pit me
against Ophelia in the same way.
This has nothing to do with Grandmama.
It has to do with you
crossing boundaries.
We duel tonight, under the full moon.
Do you accept my challenge?
There's my little landmine.
[Gomez chuckling]
Darling,
Wednesday and I are
going to sword fight in the woods
and settle our differences.
[gasps]
Music to my ears.
I'm going to shower
in one of the rustic stalls.
Have fun.
[Gomez chuckling]
[Kruger] Secure this outer perimeter
of tents first.
Tie up the Outcasts
using your superior knotting skills.
Sir,
we don't think this is such a good idea.
They did win fair and square.
[scoffs] Who the hell told you to think?
That's how you get killed.
Your survival depends
on following orders.
My orders.
Watch and observe.
It's all about stealth and surprise.
Go! Go! Go!
You boys are with me.
[Kruger] Hut, hut, hut
- [fireworks crackling]
- [grunts]
[snarls]
[patriotic music playing]
[all screaming]
[bellows]
[shrieks]
[fleshy crunch]
[horrified yelling]
- Slurp.
- Slurp.
[chuckles]
That's my boy.
El duelo-a-ciegas is
a very old Addams tradition.
The outcome of this
duel shall be binding.
I'm aware of the consequences.
Thing will be our witness.
I figured it's best
to keep it within the family.
On that we agree.
[keen rasping]
Whoever pierces
the other's glass heart first wins.
If I win,
you return Goody's book.
And if I win
I will burn it.
[tantalizing flamenco guitar playing]
Are you sure you want to do this?
[tinkling]
[Eugene] I knew we
should've told someone.
Slurp was more your friend anyway.
Harboring a murderous zombie will get
both your butts expelled for sure.
- Ugh.
- What are you doing here?
Proving myself to your sister
by handling her low-priority tasks.
Like keeping you alive.
[Pugsley scoffs]
We need to find Slurp.
No way.
I'm out of the zombie business.
Relax. Slurp never tried to eat my brain.
Because that would be empty calories.
Look, the last time I was alone
with a monster in the woods,
I ended up in a coma.
Stop bragging.
[foils ringing]
[tantalizing music continuing]
You're getting rusty, Mother.
I can practically hear you creak.
[rich chuckle]
Still bringing a knife to a sword fight?
Mmm.
You taught me everything I know.
But I didn't teach you everything I know.
[dreadful music booming]
[sensuous bolero music playing faintly]
["Bésame Mucho" playing]
Bésame ♪
[singing along to record]
Bésame mucho ♪
Como si fuera esta noche ♪
La última vez ♪
Bésame mucho ♪
Patience, corazón ardiente.
[laughs indulgently]
The country air made somebody frisky.
[chuckling]
Oh-ho, ooh
Ooh!
Oh!
Oh, you are a tigress tonight.
Axe play
[rich laughter]
Let me get
Oh! Whoa!
No, Slurp! Not my dad!
mucho ♪
Que tengo miedo perderte ♪
Whoa.
Perderte ♪
Let me through. Let me through.
What happened?
Amor ♪
[crowd screaming]
[Dort] Go! Get back in your tents! Run!
[singer holds final note]
[song halts]
[eerie, suspenseful music playing]
[raspy snarling]
[dramatic, intense music playing]
[fragments tinkling]
I'm sorry, darling.
[breathing steadily]
[measured inhale]
[Wednesday] Teenage zombies,
sanctimonious scout masters
[dark, lush instrumental cover
of "Losing My Religion" playing]
Camping is even more savage
than I imagined.
Turns out nature
doesn't bring us together.
It rips us apart.
It devours the weak,
leaving the strong to stumble on.
Defeated by my mother.
Robbed of Goody's book.
Drained of my ability.
[crow caws]
[Wednesday] I am no
closer to saving Enid.
I'm exposed to a predator
that's always watching.
Hiding in plain sight.
Waiting for the right time to strike.
Time is running out
on this investigation.
Why was Galpin keeping track
of deceased Outcasts?
Who is Lois?
And how is she tied
to Enid's impending death?
Two roads diverge in the woods.
I must take the road less travelled.
And that road
leads to Willow Hill.
Dr. Fairburn, the transfer is here.
I put them in 3989.
I want extra security on this one.
They're extremely dangerous.
Responsible for at least two homicides.
I'm authorizing 24-hour
surveillance monitoring.
We can take absolutely no chances.
Welcome to Willow Hill.
[jauntily macabre outro music playing]
[music ends]