8 Simple Rules (2002) s02e04 Episode Script

1
I am so glad I don't
dress to be popular
anymore. I am
so over that stupid
high school stuff.
And by the way,
that shirt, very
five minutes ago.
Well, if anyone knows what's
very five minutes ago, it's you.
Please, the only
reason you're popular
is because I went out with Kyle,
which made him
popular. And then I
dumped him and you
got him on the rebound
which made you
popular. Then I had a
deep relationship
with Donny Doyle
probably the most meaningful two
weeks of my entire life totally
taking me out of
the loop, creating
a popularity vacuum and 'voila!!
What's that supposed to mean?
- I'm not sure. It's French.
But magicians do it, too.
Bridget, I am not popular
just because you let me be!
Oh, God, I've seen this
delusion building for weeks.
I'm sorry. I was just
walking down the
hall and thought I
heard a chick fight.
- Leave!
- Get lost! -Okay.
I guess now isn't
a good time to tell
you who's on 'high
school scandal
dot com's' new hot list.
- Ranking girls by how
hot they are is insulting,
demeaning and mean spirited.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah…
am I back on the list?
No. Kerry, on the other
hand, is number seven.
Already? Oh my God,
Oh my God, Oh my God!
That makes you happy?
- No. That makes me hot!
Who the hell's number six?
- Hurry up, kids.
You'll be late for school!
I made waffles.
I thought you made waffles.
- Well, if I told
you it was cereal,
you'd still be
upstairs goofing off.
Your Dad will be home
with the milk in a minute.
I'll get it. Come
on, girls! Let's go!
Hello? Yeah, this
is Mrs. Hennessy.
God, you are so jealous.
- Oh, please… I debuted at
number two on 'The Hot List'.
Yeah, but she didn't have to do
the things you did to get on it.
- Rory!
Mom!
Mom?
My… my keys! Where are my keys!?
Mom?
- Oh my God!
- Mom? -Mom!
No, I…
Well, if the Monsignor
wants to speak,
that's fine, but, listen
no, just, could you please just
do what it is that's done, okay?
Please?
Thank you.
- Rory!
- There's no milk.
Where's your sister?
- She won't come down.
Okay, I should go
talk to her. I'm gonna…
Rory, will you please not
keep your shoes on the stairs.
Those are Dad's.
Okay.
That's gonna be your grandma.
- I'll get it.
Honey, go put
a pot of coffee on, okay?
- Go on.
- Honey! Honey!
- Mom!
- Sweetie. My sweetie.
I know I know.
My baby girl. Baby.
- Honey.
- Dad.
Catie Catie, I'm
so sorry, sweetheart.
He was such a good man, a
good husband, a good father.
He was. He was.
So, Daddy, did you, did you guys,
come on the same flight together?
- Yep.
- Well, I would have thought
Honey, we're your parents first.
And bitterly divorced
couple, second.
Dad.
We are not divorced.
We're separated.
All I know is I'm
washing my own clothes
and making my own
bed once a week.
You know your sister would
have come if she could.
I know. She called from Nepal.
Nepal. Your sister.
Honey, Kerry, go get Bridget.
She should be around
her family right now.
So, I, can I get you
something Dad?
I just made a pot
of coffee. You want…
- I'd love some. Yeah.
- Okay.
Cate, Cate, let me get it.
Come on, now. Come on.
You sit down. Can I
get you something?
Yeah. Yesterday would be nice.
- Bridg'?
- What?
Gramm and Gramps are here.
- Is Dad with them?
No.
Then I really don't give a damn.
He was supposed to be
back in ten minutes.
He was running a stupid errand.
He was supposed to be back.
And he was taking us to school.
-Remember when we were little..
..Mom and Dad used to go out
and we wouldn't want them to,
and they'd say, 'What do you
know about Mommies and Daddies?
And we would say,
They always come back.
-Unless they collapse in aisle
three of the stupid
grocery store.
-Yeah.
I just… I just
can't believe this.
Have you spoken with
anyone from the church?
Yeah, Mom. Father
Fitzpatrick stopped by.
You know, I've always taken
great comfort from the church.
Yes, I know. But
right now, God and
I aren't exactly
on speaking terms.
Well, he'll be there for
you when you're ready.
Do you have any of
those blue and pink
packets they use
now instead of sugar?
Sure… yes. You know, I do,
Dad. Go. Rory, go get him…
Can't you just use
the regular sugar?
- No.
Blood sugar's a
little high so I'm
just cutting down on the sweets.
You had a chocolate
chip cookie on the plane.
- I'm not a fanatic about it.
- I'm just cutting down.
- You see?
That's why I tell you to carry
the packets when you're out.
-Ma!, Could we
just not talk about
artificial sweeteners right now?
I'm sorry, dear.
No, I'll just drink it plain.
Rory Rory, forget it.
No, no, no, no, Dad. Rory, go
ahead and get
them! It's gonna be…
No, no… I'll drink
it plain. It's okay.
- For the love of
God! I will get it!
So, I remember he
was looking for his
keys, and I was
looking for my backpack.
Then I remembered
I left it upstairs, which
is really weird
because I never do that.
But, you were downstairs.
Did he say anything?
What do you mean?
- Well, before he left.
I mean, you were talking to him.
What were you talking about?
I don't know.
- How could you not remember?
Kerry! Stop! Would
you just stop it!
I'm sorry. I'm just trying
to figure it all out.
I'm sorry. God! This
is so messed up!
He was a great man.
- Yes, he was.
I really loved him.
- He loved you too, Fred.
Fred, there's my mom. I really
have to go and check on my mom.
Hey. -Hey.
- Hey.
That was a beautiful service.
Nice casket. Mahogany,
right? 'Cause I love mahogany.
Reminds me of a Pub I used
to go to… huge mahogany bar.
Come to think of it, they used
to carry me out of there, too.
Look it, I loved your dad.
He was a better man than me.
I know what you're
thinking, 'Who isn't?
And you're right. He was the
finest person I'd ever met.
Why the hell couldn't
I open with that?
No. Not again.
- Cate! -What?
Oh God. -He was a
- A great man?
- He was.
- Yes.
You know, Catie, I've got
this, fantasy dinner for
the people I'm gonna dine
with my first night in heaven.
Really?
- Yeah. You see, my
parents are one and two..
..then there's, Jesus.
But he's as much a
political choice as
any if you get my drift.
Then there's Joe DiMaggio and
Mother Theresa, but, you know,
since Paul's passing, Mother
Theresa's getting the boot.
- Fred, thank you.
- Yeah.
Do you believe in Heaven?
- God's Heaven? or 'sitting here
on the couch with "You' Heaven".
Wow. That was.. really sweet…
coming from you.
Either way, 'God'
heaven or 'Sitting
here with you' Heaven…
'Poppa H' is here.
That was sweet, too.
Kyle, thank you.
I swear sometimes I
can feel him here, too.
Why'd you move away?
Well, if he is here
I don't want him
to go all poltergeist
on me later.
And the streak stops at two.
Hey, have you eaten anything?
No.
- You? -No.
Not in the mood for gooky,
red and yellow stuff.
Man, now you got me hungry.
Hey. You okay? What
happened to your hand?
Nothing, I, burned it
on a casserole dish.
Thanks for the hug, Ror'.
To think, three
days ago, this would
have been considered
a chokehold.
He was just a just
a great, great guy..
..and one of those writers
whose columns always..
..made me laugh intentionally
or unintentionally.
He was one of the best.
He had this funny
nickname for me.
Oh, Yes, right… mmm..
Nick 'Not-So-Sharpe.
No, it wasn't that.
Anyway, everyone
down at the paper had
immense respect
for Paul and his work.
I was hoping to one day move
him back to sports, fire Tommy.
- Hey, boss.
- Hey, buddy.
Anyway, we'd like to do a
special supplement of some
of Paul's best columns,
working up to his last.
Nick, he would have loved that.
The problem is, we
don't have the last
column. He worked
out of the house.
- So
- Well, it must be here. I'm…
I will…
When you get the
chance if you'll…
-Yeah. I…
if it's not too much trouble, if
you could e-mail us the column.
When you're ready. I think
it'd would be a fitting tribute.
- Okay. -Thanks, Cate.
- Thanks, Nick.
Okay.
I have four daughters
I could never
in a million years work at home.
Paul said he didn't know how
he did it.. he just knew why.
He loved being with his family.
-Thanks for saying that, Nick.
- If you ever need anything.
- Okay.
-Hey, Bridget.
I'm so sorry.
- Thanks.
- You know, deep down
I always really liked you.
-Deep down, I liked you too.
-Wow! Who knew they
even had a 'deep down?
-Your dad was… so cool.
You guys were so close.
I was so jealous.
You had the best relationship.
-Really?
Then how come the last thing
I said to him was, 'I hate you'.
-There.
Ohh..I talked to that nice
Father Fitzpatrick today.
-Mom, I asked you not to.
-Well, what was I
supposed to do? He
called. He asked
how you were doing.
I said, Not so good. That's all.
- 'He' called?
Yeah.
Well, actually he
was returning my call.
But I thought Father
Fitzpatrick could explain…
- Oh, really?
An explanation. Great! And
that'll just make
everything okay.
-Catie. Catie, honey…I
talked to Paul's boss..
..Great guy. He wanted
me to remind you to
see if you could find
Paul's last column.
-Well, Dad, I'm just not
ready to go through his desk.
-Well, let me do it. I
just took a computer
course at the Senior
Citizen's Rec. Center..
..I don't wanna
toot my own horn…
- Jim!! Can't you see
this is not the time?
-Yeah, I'm sorry. I know
that professional obligations..
..aren't nearly as important
as freezing leftover crap.
Mom. Dad.
Well, I will tell you
what's important.
What's important is for Cate
to heal. And with God's good…
Here comes the holy-roller.
I am sorry that I
spend my Sundays..
..in church while you spend
yours saltwater fishing.
-Well, that's not true;
sometimes, I play golf.
-Do you guys even hear
yourselves? This is unbelievable!
-Jim; we're not
helping her at all.
-I know, I know. I'm sorry.
-So, you admit you're wrong.
-You know; The last
time we were in here..
..together, he accused
me of hiding his socks.
- Ha..ha..ha..
-No kissing, or sweet
talk, no lovemaking.
'Where'd you hide my socks, Cate?
That's a lovely picture.
MMmm .. You both
look so wonderful.
It's no wonder I have such
beautiful grandchildren.
There's a lot of
Paul in all of them.
-This wasn't supposed
to happen, Mom.
Not now.
When we were old and
grey and living someplace..
..warm someplace
where you eat dinner
at four-thirty in
the afternoon..
..and drive all the way home
with your left directional on.
Not now. Not at forty-six.
-Well, it's all part
of God's plan.
-I swear to God. I swear.
If people don't stop..
..saying that to me, I'm
gonna scream! God's plan?
What about my plan?
What about our plans?
This picture was a promise.
And now that promise is broken.
What's God's plan
for my kids? For me?
It's just so unfair.
- Honey; nobody
said life was fair.
-I know that!
I know that life isn't fair..
..but nobody told me it
was gonna be this cruel.
- Mom?
- Hi, baby. Hi.
- You okay?
- Yeah, yeah.
You?
You just go get some sleep.
-I can't sleep.
And Gramps says the toilet
downstairs won't stop running.
So… I'm gonna help him
fix it and let him tell..
..me about the time he met
Ted Williams in Korea.
- Ohh..
- Again.
- That's really nice, honey.
- Night.
-If you need any more blankets,
mom, they're in the cupboard.
-You know, honey,
I really don't feel
right about
sleeping in your bed.
You really should sleep here.
-I can't, Mom.
I can't even be in this room.
I don't think I can ever
come in this room again.
On the next
“Eight Simple Rules”
-I can't imagine going through a
day like this without you kids.
-Maybe if Dad had looked
in the drawer and saw all
the batteries, he wouldn't
have gone to the store.
- Kerry!
Don't drive yourself crazy
going over and over everything.
-The last words I said
to Dad was, 'I hate you'.
He wouldn't let me borrow the
stupid car and I
said, 'I hate you'.
-I'm kinda mad at him, `Gramps.
-Yeah, I know. I
know, Rory. It's okay.
It's a whole lot to
try to make sense of.
OOo