All's Fair (2025) s02e04 Episode Script

1
Allura Grant.
I've come to kill you.
No!
Get over to the wall! Move now!
You two, inside. Inside now.
Get in there. Get in there.
Move, move, move.
-Go! You get out of that office!
-Oh, shit.
-Move it!
-Okay.
Hurry up, come on!
Everybody stay over there. Move it!
-Okay, okay.
-Hurry it up.
Come on, come on. Move it faster.
Faster!
Give me that phone.
Go, go!
What the hell is going on?
You two, against the wall.
Against the wall!
Alright.
Now, anyone tries anything stupid,
like running or calling the police
you're all dead.
Huh? Okay.
You don't even know who I am, do you?
You're Marcus Weller.
Oh, that's right.
And what else do you remember about me?
I represented your ex-wife
in your divorce.
Yeah, Abigail.
She lives in Costa Rica now
with our children,
you know, but she doesn't let me visit.
Sole custody, right?
But tha-that was what was best
for the children.
Isn't that right, Allura?
I mean, is-isn't that what you argued
that the best thing for my children
was to move to another country
without their father?
Yeah?
You didn't show me one bit of mercy.
In fact, you wanted
to alienate me from my children.
Marcus, we can fix this.
I am not fucking stupid!
Marcus, please.
-Di
-Just put the gun down.
What you're doing now is not the answer.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You-you-you don't get to speak.
-Dina.
-No, it's time you listen to me.
Now, women like you, you never listen.
You just talk and talk and talk.
No, I told you exactly why I was here.
Huh? What did I say?
What did I fucking say?
-To kill me.
-Sorry, ladies.
Winston won't budge about that recipe,
so it's a one-way ticket back to
Against the wall.
There you go. Against the wall.
Give me your phone.
-I'm not giving you my fucking phone.
-Give me your fucking phone!
Go fuck yourself, dick bag.
Nobody fucking move.
Carr.
Women like you disgust me.
Oh, you think guns are
powerful weapons?
There is nothing more powerful
than a woman's
self-described victimization.
Ah, and this firm,
this firm is ground zero
for all of that fucking bullshit.
E-e-excuse me, I'm so sorry,
but I, I actually don't work here.
I-I-I'm a food entrepreneur
with little to no opinion on gender,
so would it be okay
if I just tiptoed out of here?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You're, you're a client here.
-Aren't you?
-Put the gun down, asshole.
Just
I'm going to walk right over here,
and you're going to tell me, huh,
what good, outstanding man
you are trying to fuck over?
Okay.
And who-who's, who's this little Chad?
Huh?
Oh, I bet you consider yourself an ally,
don't you, pretty boy?
Yeah, I do.
Of course, you do.
Let me ask you something.
Does that quarter inch of foundation
actually get you laid?
I mean, do women actually like
a flouncy fruit like you?
Do they?
Well, must be nice.
You have no fucking idea
what it's like to be written off
as a, as a creep or a,
or a stalker or a
Loser!
What did you just say to me?
I called you a fucking loser.
I believe you were
in the middle of reciting
your best qualities
creep, stalker
and I just, uh,
made an educated guess.
Here's another one for you.
Your teeny, tiny balls
are shrink-wrapped so tight
that your discolored scrotum
gets shoved all the way up
your pelvis every time you sneeze.
You got a death wish, bitch?
If I did, I'd be on my knees
eating your toxic ass, Pepé Le Pew.
You fucking exhaust me.
You and your little Reddit cuck community
talking about how women
overplay the victim card.
Why don't you take a good look
in the mirror, fugly?
Allura took your kids away? Bullshit.
You gave up your kids.
Let me guess why.
Because you drained their college fund
to subsidize an OnlyFans addiction?
Am I close?
Blew his wife's life savings
paying for sex.
Oh, I was close.
-Shut up!
-Oh, you shut up.
All Allura did was represent her client.
So if you are furious at someone,
it should really be your mommy.
What the fuck did you just say?
-Carr. Carr.
-Yeah, it's your mom's fault
that you expected your wife, excuse me,
your ex-wife, to roll out the red carpet
for your perversions and failures.
It was your big, fat, ugly fucking mama
who told you what a catch you are.
Stop it!
Make me.
-Oh.
-Marcus, just put the gun down.
Yeah, Marcus, what are you gonna do?
How did Mommy prepare you for this moment?
Take my mother's name
out of your fucking mouth.
Or what? You'll shoot it out?
Mm.
No, I'll shoot her.
Shut up!
No!
What the fuck was that?
-It's okay.
-Shit, I left my phone in the other room.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Forget the phone.
Forget the phone.
Just stay back with me and the baby.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Why did you do that?
Your aim is shit.
It makes sense, though.
Can't put the porn down long enough
to get the hang of Call of Duty.
Carr, for God's sake, don't provoke him.
Oh, Annie Ugly here's trembling so bad
he can't even shoot straight.
You really want me to take
you out for good, don't you?
Oh, I'd love to see you try.
Well then, here you go.
Oh, my gosh.
Why do people keep throwing themselves
in front of each other?
What kind of lawyers are you?
You're making it really hard for me
to kill the person I am trying to kill.
-Give me that.
-Oh, my God. What the fuck?
Down. Down.
Please just let us call 911.
She's going to bleed out.
Good. I can't wait for that.
-Alright, Allura.
-Shut the fuck up.
It is time to collect.
Allura!
Hey. Hey.
Put the gun down, Marcus.
No, you put it down.
You know my name. Huh?
Who the fuck is this guy?
Look, what the fuck are you playing at?
-Let's talk this through.
-Put down the gun.
Now!
Put it down now. Come on.
-Put it down.
-Okay.
There we go.
Attaboy.
We need an ambulance.
-Okay.
-There we go.
-Okay.
-Okay.
We're good.
-Yeah.
-Calm down.
Okay. I'm real calm.
I'm calm. You be calm.
Call the police.
Call the police right now.
Hey. Hey.
Stay calm.
You're done. You're done.
Get off!
Does she have a pulse or what?
Does she have a fucking pulse?
Jesus Christ.
-Oh, my God, is she breathing?
-Carr.
-Get off me!
-Yes, this is an emergency.
There's a situation in our building.
There's a shooter,
and he's shot two people.
One of them is in critical condition.
Yes, we've detained the gunman.
Get the fuck off of me.
Stop moving, asshole.
Yes. Thank you.
They're on their way.
Fuck!
-Dina.
-I think I'm dying.
No, you're not.
I need you to stay with me, okay?
Be strong and stay with me.
Ow. Ow.
Think you could do that
a little more delicately.
Lord, ow.
Thank you, Ms. Green.
I understand this is
very difficult for you,
but can you walk me
through everything that just happened?
Did he say why he was there?
-Oh, my God.
-Did he ever lower his weapon
or give anyone the opportunity to leave?
Did you ever hear him
mention anyone by name?
Is she breathing?
Did you see exactly
where he was standing
when the first shot was fired?
Thank you, Ms. Green.
Thank you, Officer.
Em, are you okay?
Mm-hmm.
Do you think
Dina's going to be okay?
-Is she going to make it?
-I hope so.
But if you haven't talked
to God in a while,
this might be a good time to reconnect.
I'm going to take these two home.
We'll call you as soon
as we get to the hospital.
Okay.
You know, I can't get over
Carr's fearlessness today.
I mean, she was pretty
fucking unflappable.
I still can't wrap my head around
why she would take a bullet from me.
I mean, knowing that
Machiavellian lunatic,
she probably wants me to owe her forever.
Or she just has some genuine light
peeking through those dark cracks.
You just have to know how to find it.
Well, the real question is, though,
why would Dina take a bullet for Carr?
You mean another bullet?
It's what Dina does,
take bullets for Carr.
She's always wanting to protect Carr.
Okay, what's going on?
Nothing.
Well, you seem preoccupied,
like your mind's elsewhere,
which is pretty notable
considering what's gone down today.
Okay, well, I can't talk about it.
Talk about what?
Dina made me promise not to tell anyone.
Dina?
With everything
that's happened already today,
she probably would want
you guys to know.
Yesterday, Dina called me into her office
to speak privately.
I have regrets.
Tell me.
Okay.
Talk to me.
When I was in law school,
I was, I was really struggling.
I was saddled with debt,
and my mother was really sick.
So I took a job at a diner
and worked all night.
I would go home in the morning
to check on my mother
and then go to class until it was time
to go to work again.
And, um, one evening, a customer came in.
He was handsome.
He made me laugh
and I slept with him.
It was long before Doug, you know?
Is that your big regret?
That you had a one-night stand?
No.
It's what I did nine months later.
That man had gotten me pregnant,
and, um, and there was
there was no way that
I could take care of a baby
at that time in my life.
So
I did what I thought was best.
I gave my baby up for adoption.
Dina.
My God.
Here.
Did you, did you ever find out
what happened to this child?
Never.
I just
I never allowed myself
to even think about it
'til almost dying in that flight.
And now I just can't stop
thinking about it.
I just want to meet her.
So it's a girl.
Yeah.
It was a baby girl.
It's okay.
I just want to explain to her
why I, why I gave her up.
I know that if it was me,
that I, I'd always wonder.
Dina, listen.
If that baby is anything like you,
she has a huge heart
and she is out there
making the world a better place.
I hope so.
I'm going to find her for you.
Oh. Would you? Would you?
Of course.
I love you.
Fix your face because
Emerald Green is on the case.
You happy now?
Poor Dina.
What an absolutely gut-wrenching decision.
So did you find her, Dina's daughter?
It was a closed adoption.
So I went to the agency
that placed the baby,
and they told me that
their new files are now digitized,
and what I was looking for
went too far back.
So I went down in the warehouse
and dug through hundreds of dusty boxes.
I inhaled so much dust,
I felt like a Dyson.
I probably gave myself black lung,
but also, the files that I was looking for
had been destroyed in a flood.
Luckily, I have an ex-boyfriend
who works in the vital records department
for Children and Family Services.
He is still in love with me
and everything below my navel.
I was able to get closed adoption files
on a federal holiday.
How about that?
Hey, trouble.
You say that
like it's a bad thing.
Jury's still out on that.
Ha, ha.
What you got for me?
I got that thing for you.
Derek, what did you find out?
Well, your suspicions were right,
Nancy Drew.
Oh, my God.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I checked three times.
And there's no way it could be a mistake.
I don't make mistakes.
Shit.
The second I heard, I called Dina.
-So Dina knows who her daughter is?
-Yes, and so do you.
What do you mean?
The family that adopted Dina's baby,
their names are Perry and Susan Lane.
They named their daughter Carrington.
Carrington Lane.
Dina's daughter is Carr.
I'm sorry, I just disassociated
and probably suffered ego death.
-What?
-Carr is Dina's baby.
Which Carr?
Carr, Carr.
You mean the woman Carr,
not a car, the kind you drive.
Exactly. Carr is Dina's baby.
I don't know why I'm having
such a hard time
processing what you're saying.
I feel like maybe I've had
a little mini stroke or something.
And what do you mean Carr is a baby?
Carr is a grown-ass woman.
Oh, my God.
You're not making any sense, Em.
I know it's a lot to take in
but when I tell you
that Carr is Dina's daughter,
what I'm saying is
Carr is Dina's daughter.
What?
Fuck.
Oh, my God.
So when Dina took a bullet for Carr
She was taking a bullet
-for her daughter.
-For her daughter.
Exactly.
And now they're in hospital together.
Yep.
Now you see why my mind
was so fucking preoccupied.
Thank God I got good coochie.
And you are sure you don't want to talk
to anyone about what just happened.
A social worker, priest.
Oh, come on.
You think I haven't been shot
on Thanksgiving before?
Not my first rodeo, Ratched.
Suit yourself, Miss Carr.
Jesus, apple slices and white bread.
Come on, Nurse Debra.
What is this, 1923
and I'm a little rascal on a breadline?
Well, scrappy, pale, malnourished.
Yeah, kind of.
Well, a packet of Reds
and, uh, 100 ccs of vodka stat
straight to the neck
and a bowl of spaghetti carbonara.
-I'll check with the cafeteria.
-Uh, from Spago.
Nobody gets me.
Oh, God.
Oh. Oh, it's all of you.
Please tell me you are here
to do the right thing
and have yourselves euthanized.
We brought you something to eat.
Let's get rid of this slop.
What is it?
It's a jacket pot at-uh.
A-a jacket pot at-uh?
-Yes.
-What's that?
It's a potato in a jacket.
Well, I don't see it wearing any clothes.
-Hey. Hey.
-Okay.
-That's just rude.
-You see that?
-Guys, guys.
-What?
It's a goddam baked potato. Can we
Okay. Yeah.
-Please.
-Focus, yeah.
Let's stick to why we're here.
I just wanted to say thank you.
You saved my life.
That is true. I did.
I took a literal bullet for you
and I hope you feel bad
because I may spend the rest
of my life never being able
to do anything I love to do,
like surf or chop wood or shot put.
I can't believe I'm going to say this,
but what you did was incredibly generous.
Well, good.
Can I be partner now?
I mean, it feels like
the inevitable next step.
Don't I deserve it?
Wow.
You're very brave
and a very special person.
Okay.
We're here for you, Carr.
Am I dying?
I mean, a person can live
with just one shoulder.
They're like kidneys, so
Carr, we got to talk
to you about something,
and it's very important.
Okay.
Let's begin with an apology.
We know you've long felt
unchosen and unloved,
and we've possibly taken advantage
of those wounds in the past
with stupid jokes
and petty insults,
but we've come to learn
that maybe there's a reason
as to why you felt this way.
Can somebody just tell me
what the fuck is going on?
Okay.
Let me lay it out for you, Carr.
Dina came to me with a concern.
Back when she was in law school
God, I wish I could put you on 1.5 speed.
Dina got pregnant from a one-night stand.
Slut.
She gave birth to a baby
that she put up for adoption.
She never told anyone, until yesterday,
she came to me
and asked if I would track this baby down.
-Okay.
-I did.
I found Dina's daughter.
Well, I feel badly for her,
whoever she is.
Carr, it's you.
You're Dina's daughter.
What?
Yeah.
What do you mean?
Hello, Bosom, Baubles, and Butterface.
I-I don't think
I understand you correctly.
Dina is my
Mother, Carr.
Wha
Oh!
Okay. So, uh, you are telling me
that Dina,
as in the Dina that I hate,
as in the Dina who scorned me,
is my mother?
I know this is hard.
No. No way.
No.
What about my mother?
I have a mother.
-The woman that raised you
-Is my sister.
What? No.
That's the movie Chinatown.
The woman that raised you
is not your biological mother.
She adopted you the day you were born.
A-and, what, just spent the rest
of my life lying to me about it?
Like in Chinatown.
-Okay, forget Chinatown, okay.
-Okay, look.
Can we please have this conversation
just once without it becoming
a goddam mess?
Why would, why would my mother do that?
Why w why would she lie about that?
She was never home anyway.
By the time you were old enough to know,
you were already cutting yourself,
and so she probably
just didn't want to further
destabilize you.
Wow. Okay. So
my biological mother is Dina.
That's my origin story.
I mean, I don't even look
like her, thank God.
She looks like fucking Wayne Gretzky.
I mean, right?
Oh, my God, I'm a Mayflower descendant.
That is a whiter shade of pale.
I-I-I can't fucking
Wait a minute.
Does she know?
I told her just before
all the shooting started.
So when she threw her body in front of me,
-she did that
-To save your life.
She was reacting out of maternal instinct.
Well, where is she? I want to see her.
She just got out of surgery,
and she's in a medically induced coma.
What?
Well, she's going to be okay, right?
The prognosis is uncertain.
She took a bullet for me.
Well
Well, God, I don't know what to do.
What do I say?
Am I supposed to call her Mom?
I would get Amabel here
as soon as possible
and let her say hello
to her grandmother, Dina,
you know, before
Goodbye.
This is very sad and very strange.
I just feel so awful for Carr.
Imagine going your whole life
not knowing something
so fundamental about yourself.
Yeah, I thought I was
a deep autumn until 2023.
In reality, I'm a deep winter.
So all those years wasted
trying to pull off earthy jewel tones.
What did she say?
Hi, Amabel.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi. So you remember what's-his-face?
Uh, my sperm dealer.
Sebastian. Hi.
I'd like to think I'm
a little bit more than that.
Come on, let's get some water.
I don't know what to say.
Like, what the fuck do I say?
Nothing in my life has prepared me
for something like this.
Carr, tell her you love her.
You do love her.
Just make it quick,
and then you can get out of Dodge.
Well, what about Amabel?
Uh, "Nice to see you, Dina.
Hope to do it again soon."
Be strong for your daughter, Carr.
The same way Dina was for you.
Okay.
Uh
Are you ready, sweetheart?
You know, it might, might be
a little scary in there
with all those tubes and wires,
but anytime you want to leave, you just,
you can come right back out here and
be with Emerald and Allura and Lib
even though I know they're so boring.
But you remember what to do
when boring adults start talking
about boring shit, right?
You remember your party trick.
Who was Jeffrey Epstein?
Attagirl.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
I can see the resemblance.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
You okay?
Yeah.
Let's get out of here.
Okay.
Okay.
What do I say?
Uh
Whatever you want, my brave girl.
-Can she hear?
-Yeah, she can.
I read that a lot of people in comas
can actually hear things
that are going on around them.
It's okay.
Grandma.
I know you might not remember me,
but we met before.
When you worked with my mom,
I used to come
to the office Christmas parties.
You'd always get me a present.
One year, it was an American Girl doll,
the pretty one.
Samantha.
I liked talking to you.
You, you were always nice to me.
Y-you asked me about school and stuff,
what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I'd always say a marine biologist,
but what I really wanted to be was a
was a lawyer like you and my mom.
I guess it runs in the family.
Feel better, Grandma.
I-I love you.
That was really good.
It was fantastic.
Come on.
Hey.
I'm really proud of you.
You think you can find
your way back to the, uh,
-to the waiting room?
-Mm.
Okay, I just need a few minutes.
Okay.
-I love you.
-I love you.
Hello, Dinasaur.
I don't quite have it in me yet
to call you the M word.
This is a lot to take in.
Too much, really.
And the one person I wish
I could talk to about it,
the one person I used
to go to for advice is you
my old mentor.
I mean
there are so many emotions
coursing through me right now.
Like, I don't even know
which to feel first.
I mean, I just have so many questions.
Like
why'd you give me up?
Was it for your career?
I mean, did Doug even know?
And if I'm just a product
of a one-night stand, I mean,
why did you even have me anyway?
I guess you had your reasons.
But you should know how much it hurts.
My own mom didn't want me around.
It explains a lot, of course,
why I've always felt unwanted
and discarded
and unchosen.
And why I never felt a connection
to the family that raised me.
I mean, how is it that both
my parents are Japanese?
But as much as it hurt me
it must have hurt you so much more
living with the secret.
So, I'm going to ask you
for one more favor, Dina.
Don't die.
Okay?
Please.
For me, for your
For your Carr.
Because I got to tell you something,
you bag of antlers.
I am pissed at you for all of this.
And I'm going to need you
to wake the fuck up
so I can have that conversation
with you for real.
Because, mark my words
if you die, I am going
to fucking kill you.
Your hair smells like shit.
I have to get them in here
to give you a goddam bath.
That was so sweet
of Amabel's dad to take her out
to eat at Jon & Vinny's.
Yeah, he's always doing
sweet dad shit like that.
Uh, which of you is the next of kin?
Um, you're her
Daughter.
Your mother is in critical condition.
We induced her into a coma
in order to minimize
the risk of a cerebral edema.
Slowing down
the body's metabolic processes
lowers the intracranial pressure,
but she is going to need another surgery.
Well, you better get to slicing
and dicing, Sweeney Todd.
Well, her blood pressure is too low
to safely perform any procedure
and if it gets any lower,
then we run the risk
of permanent brain damage.
Now, ma'am, did your mother discuss
any DNRs with you?
-DNR?
-Do not resuscitate.
-I mean, if Dina has
-Shut up, Dr. Filler. I know what it is.
Dina would definitely want CPR.
Damn straight, Doctor.
Oh, I don't know about that.
-What?
-No.
Dina is too prudish
to want mouth-to-mouth
from a complete stranger.
Well, that's not exactly how it works.
Excuse her, Doctor. She's still in shock.
I am not in shock, Doctor, at all.
I was, but that was minutes ago.
Everything is completely different now
that I found out I'm her daughter
and that I stand to inherit
25% of the law firm.
Carr, surely that's not
where your head is at right now.
-Can't be.
-Look, I-I don't know
what you're all talking about,
but I should bring to your attention
that Ms. Standish did not state
her preference on organ donation.
-Ah.
-And we'll need
your standing on that
should she not make it.
Well, I have a moderate drinking problem
and a second freezer in the garage,
so we might as well snag her liver
in case I need it.
I swear to God.
You're really going to sign a DNR
when you know nothing
about what Dina's preferences are.
No, I am going to sleep on it.
As her next of kin,
I have a lot to think about.
Like what would Dina want for herself,
for her daughter, for her granddaughter?
And since she is in a compromised state,
that decision largely falls to me.
So I have a very busy night ahead
researching estate law.
If you'll excuse me, ladies,
I have a will to examine.