Happy Days (1974) s02e04 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Those happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
Fantastic.
That movie was something.
Really something.
James Dean movies are great.
My favorite part was that chicken run.
Yeah, it was really cool when that guy went over the cliff
with the comb in his mouth.
Here's the part where Natalie Wood
fell in love with James Dean.
I don't remember that.
You were too busy playing your box of Good n' Plenties.
Oh, come on, Ralph.
You haven't hit a good note on that thing all day.
There's Carole Lipton.
Which one?
The smart-looking one.
She's in our chemistry class.
Richie has got a big crush on her.
Oh, I do not.
Oh-h-h-h
I-I just think that she got a good mind.
Yeah, sure.
You're chicken to ask her out.
I don't feel like asking her out right now.
That's not being a chicken.
It's being a turkey.
Let's drop it, okay?
Okay, okay!
I wish I had a shot at Carole.
I really dig intellectual girls.
Especially that one.
I love the way her mind fills her sweater.
What's that supposed to mean, Fonzie?
Hey, uh, Potsie and Ralph tell me
that you chickened out on Miss I.Q.
Now, wait a minute.
I didn't chicken out.
I just didn't feel like asking
her out for a date, that's all.
Hey, you can't snow the Fonz, Cunningham.
Huh? You sprout feathers
every time you try to talk to a new chick.
So what's a guy supposed to do about that, anyway?
You gotta ask me that after you had just seen
two James Dean movies?
You know how Dean gets chicks?
I'll tell you how Dean gets chicks.
'Cause he acts nutsy.
Acting nutsy gets chicks? That's right.
Girls go for troubled guys.
That's how Dean got Natalie Wood.
Well maybe in the movies,
but I don't think that would work in real life.
No? Observe.
I told you, Fonzie.
Hey, continue observing.
Hey, uh, are you all right?
Yeah, it's, uh it's just that I, uh
I Forget it.
Something is wrong, huh?
The minute I-I laid eyes on you
I said to myself, I want that girl,
I need that girl,
but I can't have that girl 'cause I'm no good for her.
I-I'm bad news.
Look, just, uh, just forget me, you know.
I mean, you got your life to live, you know,
and I got mine.
Just go and get yourself a malt and forget me and
I'll go drive off a cliff or somethin'.
Oh, no! No!
Hey, why don't we go someplace quiet
and you can tell me what's wrong.
You insist?
Sure.
Uh, class is dismissed, Cunningham. Hey.
"Richie Cunningham
Rebel Without a Cause."
Carole.
I need to ask you something.
Okay, ask.
Oh.
Are you feeling okay?
I-I, uh
Richie, the bus is going to be here any minute.
What'd you want to ask me?
I, uh I don't know, I I just
I don't-I don't know.
What's that supposed to mean?
It-It's like
I I want to ask you out for a date.
I need to ask you out for a date, but
I'm no good for you, so just-just forget it.
Okay.
You can forget it just like that?
You're a very strange person, Richie.
In fact, I think you better leave my bus stop.
Oh, wait, see you think I'm really strange.
Well, it was just an act.
Like James Dean.
Carole! Carole!
Doesn't this look like Dean?
Well, it kinda looks like Joanne Woodward.
I didn't think I was that bad at impressions.
I mean in Three Faces of Eve.
She played a girl with three personalities.
Come on, Carole, I was just kidding around.
You're probably an only child.
From a psychiatric point of view, that's bad.
That's good because I have an older brother
and a younger sister.
Oh a middle child.
Well, that's even worse.
They always get the least attention
and they get the most messed up.
Well, there's a whole chapter on that in here.
Abnormal Psychology?
Oh, here comes my bus.
Look, I don't usually lend books,
but I think you could use this.
To understand yourself.
I don't need this book.
How about having a try at it, Richie?
Yeah, sure.
I'll do it, Dad.
No, sweetheart.
You have little lungs. Let Richie do it.
That's right.
Send the middle kid out into the smoke.
A boy just called to say
that Chuck won't be able to make it for dinner.
Well, what happened?
I thought he was coming over after the game.
Well, it seems he was the high scorer
and the fans picked him up on their shoulders
and carried him away.
Nobody knows where they carried him to.
Chuck was the high scorer?
How about that?
Hey, that's something else, huh, Rich?
Chuck was the high scorer.
Oh, yeah. That's nice.
My brother scores points, and I blow on fires.
Boy, he's a chip off the old block.
That's the real Cunningham spirit, huh?
I blow a pretty mean fire.
How does the table look, Dad?
Beautiful, Joanie, just beautiful.
You know, Mom, anytime you want to put those hamburgers on,
I've got the fire going pretty good now.
It's one of the best fires that I've ever seen.
Thank you, dear.
Do you need any help or anything? I could maybe
Oh, Richard, why don't you go upstairs and wash.
You smell of smoke.
I'll bet Chuck and Joanie never smell of smoke.
Hey, Rich.
Your father said it would be all right if I came up.
Rich? Rich?
I'm in the closet.
Oh. Potsie and I
are going to a Martin and Lewis film festival.
We thought you might
What are you doing in the closet?
Reading a book.
In the closet?
It must be Kiss Me Deadly.
No, it's not Kiss Me Deadly.
I read God's Little Acre in the closet.
I spent two weeks with a tennis racket jammed in my back,
but it was worth it.
I think the batteries are dead.
Abnormal Psychology?
So, big deal.
Why are you reading a dumb textbook in the closet?
Ralph, it's a book about the inner workings
of the human mind.
You mean like daydreaming.
I always daydream about Rhoda
Lasky and me on a desert island.
Ralph, it tells about mental illness
and the phobias that infect the mind.
Rich, you're talking very strange.
That's right, because I am strange.
You weren't strange this morning.
That's because I didn't know any better.
It-It's all down here in black and white.
You know how I'm afraid to talk to strange girls?
Well, it's in here.
I daydream a lot. It's in here.
I fantasize all the time.
I pretend I'm Mickey Mantle. It's all in here.
Do you want to know why
I was in the closet? I don't think so, Rich.
I was checking to see if I have claustrophobia,
and do you know, I was very uncomfortable in there.
Maybe you've got a fear of coats.
Maybe you're afraid of the dark.
Are you afraid of the dark?
I don't know.
I always sleep with the light on.
This book has-has illuminated the dark recesses of my mind,
and I see a lot of trouble in there.
Ralph, what would you say if I told you
I was thinking of seeing a psychiatrist?
You're nuts.
That's what I've been trying to tell you.
Aw, come on. Richie.
You're no crazier than the rest of us.
I mean, we all got our mental quirks.
Look at Potsie You think he's normal?
He's not going to any head shrinker.
And look at the Fonz, super cool Fonzie.
Fonzie, with his, "Hey-y-y-y."
That's a little that's really
sicko, when you get down to it.
Better not let him hear you say that.
If you tell him, I'll deny every word.
I won't tell him, Ralph.
You promise? I promise.
Okay. Okay.
Now, look at me.
Nice, normal Ralphie Malphie.
I got a few quirks.
What?
Rich I know everybody's jealous of me.
I mean, I know what they're saying behind my back.
They're saying my hair is too neat, I'm too cute.
Girls crave my bod.
I don't think they're saying that.
Yes, they are.
And they're saying that I look like a movie star
because my teeth are too even.
Hey, what time is it?
I gotta split and meet Potsie.
I'd hate to miss the part where
Jerry Lewis eats the pencils.
Maybe I'll see you later at Arnold's.
Forget about what I just told you.
I mean, I got no quirks.
I was just trying to help you
make you feel better, you know?
Right, Ralph, thanks.
Okay. Okay.
He's right.
I'm as normal as anybody else.
I mean, what's so bad about being afraid of girls
about being jealous of Chuck and Joanie
about sitting in a dark closet,
or pretending I'm Mickey Mantle.
A lot of people probably do things like that.
But they sure don't sit in an empty room,
talking to themselves.
I got to see a psychiatrist.
You can sit down, Richard.
Or perhaps you'd like to lie on the couch.
Oh, I'm not here for that.
I'll stand.
Well, is it all right if I call you Richard?
Or would you prefer Dick?
Oh uh, Richie's fine.
Would you prefer "Doctor" or "sir"?
Doctor's fine.
Or you can call me Ed.
Ed's okay.
Well, uh, Ed, sir the reason I'm here
is-is I'm doing research for a school project.
What school is that?
Oh, we-we like to keep that information confidential.
Oh, I see. Yes.
Well, then, what can I do for you?
Well, the project concerns problems faced by teenagers.
Mm-hmm.
Would you like to talk about any, uh, specific problems?
Yes, I do.
Now, there's this boy you better make that a girl.
Now, you realize that these examples
that I'm giving you are just made up.
I understand.
Good.
There's this girl, who, uh,
is afraid to ask girls out for the first time.
I'll make that a boy.
I'm glad.
He also finds that he has daydreams,
fantasies, and claustrophobia.
Claustrophobia too, huh?
Yes, probably stemming from
the fact that he's the middle child.
You-you don't seem comfortable, Richard.
Oh, I-I-I'm-I'm comfortable.
But not on that couch.
You don't like my couch?
Well, it's a nice couch, but it's for patients.
Why don't you sit in the chair?
Oh, thank you.
What's bothering you?
I think I'm going crazy.
Richard, in adolescence, certain feelings emerge
which are quite common to everyone in your peer group.
Really?
Do you have thoughts about sex?
Well, you know, I
I-I just remembered that I have a very important
appointment at Arnold's.
It completely slipped my mind.
Do you prefer not talking about it?
Oh, well, I I like sex.
I don't know much about it.
Just what I've read
in the encyclopedias.
Let's try a little test, shall we?
Okay.
Now, I'm going to say a word
and I want you to say the first word
that pops into your head.
Don't even hesitate to think about it, okay?
All right.
Let's begin.
Day.
Doris.
Day, Doris?
Doris Day.
Red. Buttons.
Ball.
Lucille.
Richard, you think quite a lot
about movie and TV stars, don't you?
Is that bad?
No, not if it doesn't limit your thinking
in other areas of reality.
Oh, well, it doesn't limit my thinking at all.
I mean, I think about other things, too.
Good, good. Let's try again.
Shall we?
All right.
Uh, Big.
Bopper.
Oh, well, see, he's not a movie or TV star.
He's a rock and roll star.
Well, what's the big mystery?
What is it that you can say to us here
that you couldn't say at the dinner table?
Well, what I have to say is very delicate.
Go ahead, Richard, you can speak freely.
Well, I
I don't know quite how to tell you this.
Haven't you always been able to confide in us?
Well, yeah.
Well, why is this any different?
Because I never had to tell you
that I've been seeing a psychiatrist before.
A psychiatrist?
And that's not all.
You have an appointment to see him, too.
I've got to go see a psychiatrist?
You're upset.
Oh, no, no, of course not.
Going to a uh, uh, uh
is nothing to be ashamed of.
Did someone send you to him, dear, or
or did they come and get you?
No, no, I-I was just feeling a little funny
and I went to the college free clinic myself.
You sure you're not upset?
I'm not upset.
I mean, look, they helped that baseball player,
uh, uh, Jimmy Piersall.
He-he doesn't climb up backstops anymore.
Richard never climbed up backstops.
Did you, dear?
No, Mom.
Now, look, Richard, if-if you have a problem,
well, then, it's our problem, too, and
and we'll go see him and we're not upset.
No one on my side of the family ever went to a psychiatrist.
Well, my side of the family is perfectly normal, Marion.
I mean they don't even have to read "Dear Abby."
Really?
What about your Aunt Louise, who lives in a bomb shelter?
When the big one drops, who'll be crazy then? Huh, huh?
Well, the psychiatrist will probably tell us
what's bothering Richard.
The only thing bothering Richard is adolescence.
You're right.
It's probably nothing.
Well, sure it's nothing.
Nothing.
I always thought Chuck would be the crazy one.
Come in.
Mom?
Is Richie all right?
You were both in his room with the door closed.
Is he sick?
It's nothing that a little love
and understanding won't cure.
Oh, good, I'm glad he's all right.
But, Joanie, for the time being,
I wouldn't go too close to him.
And don't make him upset.
Sounds like he's crazy.
Your brother's not crazy.
Marion
He's fine, sweetheart.
Now, you-you go on off to bed, huh?
It's getting late.
Good night. Good night.
Howard, when we go to the psychiatrist,
I wouldn't mention anything
about singing the national anthem.
What's wrong with singing the national anthem, Marion?
You do it in your sleep.
I do?
But you have a very nice voice, dear.
The thing is, you got to remember to be yourself.
Yeah, but you're the one who told me to be like James Dean.
Dumb advice, huh? Dumb advice.
The only reason it works for me
is 'cause Dean and I are so much alike.
Yeah, but Do you fellas want anything?
Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll have a hamburger,
French fries and a Coke.
Hamburger, French fries and Coke.
And you?
Nothing.
Nothing.
N-O
If I'm just me, then I still got problems.
Like-Like, I still daydream all the time.
I still feel very uncomfortable in closets.
I still Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
One weird quirk at a time, huh?
All right, I I daydream a lot.
You mean, like, uh,
you wonder what it would be like to be somebody else?
Yeah.
You ever do that, Fonzie?
No. Oh.
Oh, probably if I wasn't so above average.
Yeah? Yeah.
Next?
Well I have claustrophobia.
Nah, I don't know anything about that next.
Well, there's still the girls.
For some reason, I can't get myself to talk to a girl
that I don't know very well.
Come here.
You think I always made out like now, huh?
There was a time I was a nervous wreck around chicks.
Then I made a decision, Fonzie, cool it.
So I grabbed Wanda Prinsky,
give her a kiss and from then on whoa!
I don't know Wanda Prinsky.
Hey, any girl with a mouth will do.
You mean you just go up to one and kiss her?
Yeah, you plant one right on her.
It clears up your head.
Oh, I don't know, Fonzie.
Rich, you want to go swimming,
you don't stay on the beach, right?
You jump in the water.
It's the same thing,
except you plunge in with both lips.
Excuse me.
Oh, I thought you were somebody else.
Pardon me,
do you know if the bus that stops here goes into downtown?
Yes!
Are you crazy?
I don't think so, but I better try sitting
in my closet, just to make sure.
You know, ever since I had my first army physical,
I've hated all psychiatrists.
Well, the army psychiatrist said you were normal, didn't he?
Mm, yes.
I'll never forgive him for that.
Well, Richard's psychiatrist was a nice professional man.
At least we know Richie's all right.
Oh, yes.
I do hope that Richard hasn't done anything
you know, rash.
Hi.
Hi.
Ah
We just had a nice talk with you-know-who and
He said there's nothing wrong with you.
And you took the words right out of my mouth, Marion.
He said that
You seemed to be a perfectly normal 17-year-old.
You don't have to go back again.
I already knew that.
You did?
Yeah.
Fonzie told me to just face my fears and they'll go away.
You took a serious psychological problem
to a high school dropout?
Yeah, he says that almost everybody goes through
the same stuff as me.
You just have to outgrow it.
So then I kissed this strange girl
and now I feel terrific.
You kissed a strange girl?
Yeah.
Fonzie says that kissing a strange girl
always clears your head up.
So you just went out and kissed a stranger?
Planted one right on her.
Now I feel fine.
I think I'm going to go sit in my closet
for awhile and see how I do.
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Sit in a closet?
What kind of a nut sits in a closet?
Howard. Forget what I said.
all week with you ♪
If Richard wants to sit in his closet,
we should let him.
All right, Marion.
And if he's not out
in five minutes, call Fonzie.
Does he make house calls?
Happy days! ♪
Hello, sunshine, good-bye, rain ♪
She's wearing my school ring on her chain ♪
She's my steady, I'm her man ♪
I'm gonna love her all I can ♪
This day is ours ♪
Won't you be mine? ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
This day is ours ♪
Oh, please be mine ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪