Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s02e04 Episode Script
Mother of All Battles
1
Tea.
It is about time!
Oh!
Hey, tohru,
the Japanese cultural expo
starts tomorrow.
Wall-to-wall music, food,
and the coolest techno gear.
(Groans)
Uh, something the matter?
Uncle: Forgetting tea
is what is the matter!
This is a pot of water.
Oh, sorry.
You've been acting
all weird lately.
Come on,
you can tell me.
It's uncle, right?
That garlic smell?
It's my mother.
What, is she sick or--
you have a mom?
She is arriving
from Japan
to attend the expo.
She is a big fan
of kare noke
and her yodeling
kabukis.
The screechy
country singer? Yuck!
But what's so yuck about
a visit from your mom?
(Groans)
I am the black sheep.
All I've ever wanted
was for my mother
to be proud of me.
Well, she will be.
Look at you.
You're handsome and
Big.
You've got, uh
You're big.
You do not understand.
My mother is very hard
to please.
Tea.
Thank you.
(Gasps)
(Gasps)
Mommy.
Mommy?
- Mommy?
This where you live?
(Groans)
You gave up good job
with nice
Mr. valmont
for this?
Nice?
Hello? Doesn't she know
valmont's a crook?
No, and please
do not tell her.
My son
A servant
in a junk shop!
Junk shop?
This is an antique store.
Huh! Only antique I see
is the Billy goat there.
Billy goat!
Mommy.
Hush up!
Dragon lady
should watch
her forked tongue
unless she wants
a piece of uncle.
Huh! I would sweep floor
with you.
And this floor needs it.
Ugh.
Evil eye
cannot work on me.
Huh! What junk seller
know about work?
Please, both of you.
Tohru's mother
has jet lag
from her long flight.
My uncle is stressed
from working all night
on translations.
(Telephone rings)
Phone call.
Hello?
Hope I didn't catch you
in the middle of anything,
Jackie.
Uh, uncle and tohru's mom
are getting acquainted.
Ah. Family time.
Mom: Cheap junk.
Tsing dynasty.
Black: Could be trouble
brewing on the horizon.
Oh!
Believe me, I know.
The octopus will be on exhibit
at the Japanese expo.
I'd feel better
if you were there
to assist with security.
Uh, you want me
to guard a fish?
Actually, octopuses aren't
fish. They're multipods.
Octopi.
Please behave!
Sorry.
Grammar was never
my best subject in school.
Oh, you mean
the Kyoto octopus.
It is the most
famous relic
of the komodo
dynasty.
Intelligence sources indicate
that the yokanawa
crime family
has the octopus
in its sights.
Huh! Why don't
you get some
light in here?
Thought bats could see
in the dark.
This must stop!
My thinking exactly.
I'll set it up.
Thanks for you help,
Jackie.
Huh?
Ugh. Dragon lady
waste of my energy.
Must get back
to work.
Fine!
Show me my room,
tohru.
Uncle: No room here!
What do you think,
this is a hotel?
Only for roaches.
Your hotel, mommy.
A boy your age,
doesn't even own a car.
Makes his mother
walk in a typhoon!
Oh.
Does it have fish?
This is a Sushi
restaurant.
Everything has fish.
I hate fish.
Miso soup. Uh, small.
Hey, isn't that
the mountain
that does the
knuckle crunching
for valmont?
Not anymore.
Ain't you heard?
He's gone straight.
The bigger they are,
the faster they go soft.
Ha ha! Looks like
a real mama's boy.
Your soup.
(Slurps)
(Panting)
Can I offer you a ride?
I will walk.
Come on, tohru.
It is tohru, isn't it?
I'll drop you
anywhere you say.
Oh.
Boss: Plush, right?
This baby's outfitted
with the works.
Fridge, computer
Tohru: Soda?
May I have the grape?
Sure.
Whatever you like.
Ahh.
Grape is my favorite.
That's 'cause
you got good taste.
So, uh, tohru,
I got a proposition
for you.
No, thank you.
Just hear me out.
This isn't just
some 2-bit heist.
What I've got in mind
has 8 legs
and is loaded with jewels.
You will kidnap
kare noke
and her yodeling
kabukis?
Kare noke
and her--ha ha ha!
I love this guy!
No, my friend.
I'm talking about
the Kyoto octopus.
I don't think so.
Hey, for old time's sake.
Serious payday.
Could buy yourself a car
just like this one.
Make your mom proud.
Must call landlord,
tell him to spray
for vermin.
Button your lip, windbag.
I am here to see my boy.
Tohru is out.
Where?
Do not know.
Huh! Lousy boss.
Can't keep track
of own employees.
That's not fair.
Uncle's a great boss,
and tohru loves it here.
You are a sweet girl,
very cute.
But please
do not speak of matters
beyond your
understanding, child.
Should have seen tohru
when he worked
for Mr. valmont.
Had his own room.
Big!
Always a spare bed
for his mother.
Valmont? Ah.
Valmont was a--
uncle!
Uh, heh. Ix-nay
on the almont-vay.
Ah, child speaks
many languages.
And look at you!
Cannot even
speak English!
Speak English
better than you!
Do not!
Do, too!
In your dreams,
junk monger!
Eyah!
Hyah!
Kak-kak-kyah!
Oh.
Mom: Gave up good job with
nice Mr. valmont for this?
Servant in a junk shop!
Boss: Kyoto octopus.
Black: Serious payday.
Boss: Buy yourself a car
just like this one.
Tohru: Grape.
Uncle: Cheap?!
I am not cheap!
Ha! I see the rags
tohru wears.
Same clothes
as when he worked
for valmont.
Jackie:
Ah! I have no time
to play referee
for the both of you.
Must get over
to the expo.
Play security guard
for an octopus.
Boss: You made
a wise choice,
tohru.
What do I do?
Nothing fancy.
You cruise
into the expo,
create a diversion.
Meanwhile, my boys
make an end run,
nab the octopus.
One tiny problem, tohru.
Word is,
you double-crossed
your old boss valmont.
That you're a rat.
I am no rat.
Yeah? Prove it!
I have information.
Yeah?
Um, Jackie chan will be
working security at the expo.
I heard of him.
They say
he's unbeatable.
Nobody is unbeatable.
I trust you'll take care
of this Jackie chan
personally, tohru.
And I mean permanently.
(Chatter)
Whoa!
Jade, how did you
get in here?
Security's lousy.
You have to leave.
Things could get ugly.
Go! Go! Go!
Not on
my salary.
Aah!
Wha?
A little backup!
Tohru?
Whah!
I knew we couldn't
trust this guy!
Whoa! Unh.
Whoa.
Octo-jacking
in progress.
Ow!
Banzai!
Thank you
for the tip-off, tohru.
Of course.
Your mom will be very proud.
Tohru has a mom?
(Gasps)
The octopus!
And this one's
not just a smokescreen!
(Both groaning)
(Tohru grunting)
Oh.
Oh!
Jackie and tohru!
Where?
Uh, here's the deal:
You give us the octopus,
or your boys
do a meet-and-greet
with a shark.
Market street Sushi bar.
One hour.
Come through
the front door,
and come alone.
Well?
No problem.
Trade octopus
for young ones.
Wait, one problem.
What?
I have no octopus.
Jade: You do now.
Pretty good
for a child, huh?
Well, what are we
waiting for?
Tohru and Jackie need us.
Us, not you.
Me, not us.
Youngster-nappers
say come alone.
Ha! Foolish
old junk monger
cannot handle
this alone.
Uh, why don't I just--
no!
- No!
Hmmph.
I will phone
captain black.
In the meantime,
stay here and
watch the shop.
Watch the shop, huh?
Well
Watched it.
Nobody
double-crosses
the yokanawa mob,
tohru.
You just made
the biggest,
dumbest,
and last mistake
of your life.
But you have a deal, right?
Once you get the octopus,
you set us free.
Ha ha! Once we get
the octopus,
you and your chum
are gonna be chum.
Fish bait.
I do not like fish.
Hey, check this out,
boys.
Walkin' the dog.
Wha?
- Hey!
Uncle!
Mommy!
Hey, I said
front door
and to come
alone!
I told her.
See, I told you!
Ah! Would have
lost your way!
Near-sighted mule
can barely
see hook nose
in front
of his face.
Eyesight good enough
to see the hair
growing out
of that mole!
That is
a beauty mark!
Quit the squabblin',
and put the fish
on the table.
Uh, boss?
Technically,
an octopus
is a member
of the multipod
family, and--
put the fish
on the table!
Uncle, don't!
Jackie, be quiet!
There. Now we all go home.
What say we make it
a family affair?
Throw 'em all in the tank!
Eyee! Yak-kak-kah!
Whoa. Nice move.
You watching, junk man?
Watching,
but seeing nothing special.
Hand is quicker than the eye.
Hyah!
Unh.
But should have been
watching the foot.
Unh.
Ah,
get this over with.
I came a long way to
hear kare noke sing.
Ha!
You call that singing?
(Sings out of tune)
Tone-deaf owl
is cruising
for a bruising!
Another trick
I've been working on.
Oh.
Jackie! Tohru!
Jade, what are you
doing here?
Oh, never mind.
Give us a hand!
Oh, no, you don't!
Whoa!
Unh.
Whoa!
Tohru: Oh!
(Both gurgling)
Aah!
(Jade struggling)
Jade!
I'm ok.
Mommy?
Uncle?
No Ms.
(Gasps)
Where is
the octopus?
Mr. yo-yo mob took it.
Well, I'm sure
he's miles away by now.
Wha?
Hey!
Unh.
My favorite trick--
around the world.
Nice work, Jackie.
I am very sorry
for the unpleasantness,
mommy.
My brave little boy.
You make
your mother proud.
I am glad that
you are not hurt.
And also glad
you are with people
who care about you.
Jackie, Jade,
the Billy goat.
Hmmph.
I will show you
a Billy goat!
Hyah!
Hyah!
Ayee-yak-yak-yah!
Whoa. Oh, no!
Stop it, both of you!
Looks like
the beginning
of a beautiful
relationship.
Uh, want to go back
to the Japanese expo?
I have heard kare noke
and her yodeling kabukis
put on a very good show.
Jackie: Uncle! Tohru's mommy!
Mom: Eyaah-kak-kak-kah!
Don't! Oh!
Uncle: Hyah! Eeyah!
Man: Hey, Jackie,
what's your favorite
kind of music?
I like rock songs
because it makes me,
like, uh,
when I'm training,
I like this kind
of music.
Celine Dion,
Mariah Carey,
Whitney Houston.
I really can hear
what is she saying.
Then I can practice
my English.
So many
Bee gees, carpenter,
abba. Beatles? No.
I'm too young.
Tea.
It is about time!
Oh!
Hey, tohru,
the Japanese cultural expo
starts tomorrow.
Wall-to-wall music, food,
and the coolest techno gear.
(Groans)
Uh, something the matter?
Uncle: Forgetting tea
is what is the matter!
This is a pot of water.
Oh, sorry.
You've been acting
all weird lately.
Come on,
you can tell me.
It's uncle, right?
That garlic smell?
It's my mother.
What, is she sick or--
you have a mom?
She is arriving
from Japan
to attend the expo.
She is a big fan
of kare noke
and her yodeling
kabukis.
The screechy
country singer? Yuck!
But what's so yuck about
a visit from your mom?
(Groans)
I am the black sheep.
All I've ever wanted
was for my mother
to be proud of me.
Well, she will be.
Look at you.
You're handsome and
Big.
You've got, uh
You're big.
You do not understand.
My mother is very hard
to please.
Tea.
Thank you.
(Gasps)
(Gasps)
Mommy.
Mommy?
- Mommy?
This where you live?
(Groans)
You gave up good job
with nice
Mr. valmont
for this?
Nice?
Hello? Doesn't she know
valmont's a crook?
No, and please
do not tell her.
My son
A servant
in a junk shop!
Junk shop?
This is an antique store.
Huh! Only antique I see
is the Billy goat there.
Billy goat!
Mommy.
Hush up!
Dragon lady
should watch
her forked tongue
unless she wants
a piece of uncle.
Huh! I would sweep floor
with you.
And this floor needs it.
Ugh.
Evil eye
cannot work on me.
Huh! What junk seller
know about work?
Please, both of you.
Tohru's mother
has jet lag
from her long flight.
My uncle is stressed
from working all night
on translations.
(Telephone rings)
Phone call.
Hello?
Hope I didn't catch you
in the middle of anything,
Jackie.
Uh, uncle and tohru's mom
are getting acquainted.
Ah. Family time.
Mom: Cheap junk.
Tsing dynasty.
Black: Could be trouble
brewing on the horizon.
Oh!
Believe me, I know.
The octopus will be on exhibit
at the Japanese expo.
I'd feel better
if you were there
to assist with security.
Uh, you want me
to guard a fish?
Actually, octopuses aren't
fish. They're multipods.
Octopi.
Please behave!
Sorry.
Grammar was never
my best subject in school.
Oh, you mean
the Kyoto octopus.
It is the most
famous relic
of the komodo
dynasty.
Intelligence sources indicate
that the yokanawa
crime family
has the octopus
in its sights.
Huh! Why don't
you get some
light in here?
Thought bats could see
in the dark.
This must stop!
My thinking exactly.
I'll set it up.
Thanks for you help,
Jackie.
Huh?
Ugh. Dragon lady
waste of my energy.
Must get back
to work.
Fine!
Show me my room,
tohru.
Uncle: No room here!
What do you think,
this is a hotel?
Only for roaches.
Your hotel, mommy.
A boy your age,
doesn't even own a car.
Makes his mother
walk in a typhoon!
Oh.
Does it have fish?
This is a Sushi
restaurant.
Everything has fish.
I hate fish.
Miso soup. Uh, small.
Hey, isn't that
the mountain
that does the
knuckle crunching
for valmont?
Not anymore.
Ain't you heard?
He's gone straight.
The bigger they are,
the faster they go soft.
Ha ha! Looks like
a real mama's boy.
Your soup.
(Slurps)
(Panting)
Can I offer you a ride?
I will walk.
Come on, tohru.
It is tohru, isn't it?
I'll drop you
anywhere you say.
Oh.
Boss: Plush, right?
This baby's outfitted
with the works.
Fridge, computer
Tohru: Soda?
May I have the grape?
Sure.
Whatever you like.
Ahh.
Grape is my favorite.
That's 'cause
you got good taste.
So, uh, tohru,
I got a proposition
for you.
No, thank you.
Just hear me out.
This isn't just
some 2-bit heist.
What I've got in mind
has 8 legs
and is loaded with jewels.
You will kidnap
kare noke
and her yodeling
kabukis?
Kare noke
and her--ha ha ha!
I love this guy!
No, my friend.
I'm talking about
the Kyoto octopus.
I don't think so.
Hey, for old time's sake.
Serious payday.
Could buy yourself a car
just like this one.
Make your mom proud.
Must call landlord,
tell him to spray
for vermin.
Button your lip, windbag.
I am here to see my boy.
Tohru is out.
Where?
Do not know.
Huh! Lousy boss.
Can't keep track
of own employees.
That's not fair.
Uncle's a great boss,
and tohru loves it here.
You are a sweet girl,
very cute.
But please
do not speak of matters
beyond your
understanding, child.
Should have seen tohru
when he worked
for Mr. valmont.
Had his own room.
Big!
Always a spare bed
for his mother.
Valmont? Ah.
Valmont was a--
uncle!
Uh, heh. Ix-nay
on the almont-vay.
Ah, child speaks
many languages.
And look at you!
Cannot even
speak English!
Speak English
better than you!
Do not!
Do, too!
In your dreams,
junk monger!
Eyah!
Hyah!
Kak-kak-kyah!
Oh.
Mom: Gave up good job with
nice Mr. valmont for this?
Servant in a junk shop!
Boss: Kyoto octopus.
Black: Serious payday.
Boss: Buy yourself a car
just like this one.
Tohru: Grape.
Uncle: Cheap?!
I am not cheap!
Ha! I see the rags
tohru wears.
Same clothes
as when he worked
for valmont.
Jackie:
Ah! I have no time
to play referee
for the both of you.
Must get over
to the expo.
Play security guard
for an octopus.
Boss: You made
a wise choice,
tohru.
What do I do?
Nothing fancy.
You cruise
into the expo,
create a diversion.
Meanwhile, my boys
make an end run,
nab the octopus.
One tiny problem, tohru.
Word is,
you double-crossed
your old boss valmont.
That you're a rat.
I am no rat.
Yeah? Prove it!
I have information.
Yeah?
Um, Jackie chan will be
working security at the expo.
I heard of him.
They say
he's unbeatable.
Nobody is unbeatable.
I trust you'll take care
of this Jackie chan
personally, tohru.
And I mean permanently.
(Chatter)
Whoa!
Jade, how did you
get in here?
Security's lousy.
You have to leave.
Things could get ugly.
Go! Go! Go!
Not on
my salary.
Aah!
Wha?
A little backup!
Tohru?
Whah!
I knew we couldn't
trust this guy!
Whoa! Unh.
Whoa.
Octo-jacking
in progress.
Ow!
Banzai!
Thank you
for the tip-off, tohru.
Of course.
Your mom will be very proud.
Tohru has a mom?
(Gasps)
The octopus!
And this one's
not just a smokescreen!
(Both groaning)
(Tohru grunting)
Oh.
Oh!
Jackie and tohru!
Where?
Uh, here's the deal:
You give us the octopus,
or your boys
do a meet-and-greet
with a shark.
Market street Sushi bar.
One hour.
Come through
the front door,
and come alone.
Well?
No problem.
Trade octopus
for young ones.
Wait, one problem.
What?
I have no octopus.
Jade: You do now.
Pretty good
for a child, huh?
Well, what are we
waiting for?
Tohru and Jackie need us.
Us, not you.
Me, not us.
Youngster-nappers
say come alone.
Ha! Foolish
old junk monger
cannot handle
this alone.
Uh, why don't I just--
no!
- No!
Hmmph.
I will phone
captain black.
In the meantime,
stay here and
watch the shop.
Watch the shop, huh?
Well
Watched it.
Nobody
double-crosses
the yokanawa mob,
tohru.
You just made
the biggest,
dumbest,
and last mistake
of your life.
But you have a deal, right?
Once you get the octopus,
you set us free.
Ha ha! Once we get
the octopus,
you and your chum
are gonna be chum.
Fish bait.
I do not like fish.
Hey, check this out,
boys.
Walkin' the dog.
Wha?
- Hey!
Uncle!
Mommy!
Hey, I said
front door
and to come
alone!
I told her.
See, I told you!
Ah! Would have
lost your way!
Near-sighted mule
can barely
see hook nose
in front
of his face.
Eyesight good enough
to see the hair
growing out
of that mole!
That is
a beauty mark!
Quit the squabblin',
and put the fish
on the table.
Uh, boss?
Technically,
an octopus
is a member
of the multipod
family, and--
put the fish
on the table!
Uncle, don't!
Jackie, be quiet!
There. Now we all go home.
What say we make it
a family affair?
Throw 'em all in the tank!
Eyee! Yak-kak-kah!
Whoa. Nice move.
You watching, junk man?
Watching,
but seeing nothing special.
Hand is quicker than the eye.
Hyah!
Unh.
But should have been
watching the foot.
Unh.
Ah,
get this over with.
I came a long way to
hear kare noke sing.
Ha!
You call that singing?
(Sings out of tune)
Tone-deaf owl
is cruising
for a bruising!
Another trick
I've been working on.
Oh.
Jackie! Tohru!
Jade, what are you
doing here?
Oh, never mind.
Give us a hand!
Oh, no, you don't!
Whoa!
Unh.
Whoa!
Tohru: Oh!
(Both gurgling)
Aah!
(Jade struggling)
Jade!
I'm ok.
Mommy?
Uncle?
No Ms.
(Gasps)
Where is
the octopus?
Mr. yo-yo mob took it.
Well, I'm sure
he's miles away by now.
Wha?
Hey!
Unh.
My favorite trick--
around the world.
Nice work, Jackie.
I am very sorry
for the unpleasantness,
mommy.
My brave little boy.
You make
your mother proud.
I am glad that
you are not hurt.
And also glad
you are with people
who care about you.
Jackie, Jade,
the Billy goat.
Hmmph.
I will show you
a Billy goat!
Hyah!
Hyah!
Ayee-yak-yak-yah!
Whoa. Oh, no!
Stop it, both of you!
Looks like
the beginning
of a beautiful
relationship.
Uh, want to go back
to the Japanese expo?
I have heard kare noke
and her yodeling kabukis
put on a very good show.
Jackie: Uncle! Tohru's mommy!
Mom: Eyaah-kak-kak-kah!
Don't! Oh!
Uncle: Hyah! Eeyah!
Man: Hey, Jackie,
what's your favorite
kind of music?
I like rock songs
because it makes me,
like, uh,
when I'm training,
I like this kind
of music.
Celine Dion,
Mariah Carey,
Whitney Houston.
I really can hear
what is she saying.
Then I can practice
my English.
So many
Bee gees, carpenter,
abba. Beatles? No.
I'm too young.