Sausage Party: Foodtopia (2024) s02e04 Episode Script

1
[vibrant orchestral music playing]
Foodtopia ♪
-[flashlight click]
-[monitor beeping]
Let's see here. Pupils only dilating on
one side. What does that suggest?
-Astigmatism.
-Mm-mm. Blunt force trauma to the head.
You're both correct.
Let's check his X-rays.
Hm. Just as I suspected.
Note the displacement of
the L4 and L5 vertebrae.
Flip him over. His spine
needs a total realignment.
-[foods grunt]
-Wait, a total realignment?
And what's that X mean?
Is that permanent marker?
Who's that guy, what's he for?
Is he a doctor, too? Oh, no, no, no!
[grunts, screams] Wait, my searing pain!
It's all gone, you fixed me!
I've never been able to touch my toes!
Now, what else can I do? [laughs, grunts]
-Oh, so, so sorry about that.
-[beeper chimes]
[groans] Another hemorrhoid emergency
with one of the triples. Pain in the ass.
Hey, wait! Have any of you seen
my friend Frank, the hot dog?
I want to show him how
good I can bend over.
Ah, I'm sure he'll visit me soon.
[Muzak playing]
Frank, remember before when you
asked me how our town is so advanced?
Well, let me tell you, the simple answer
is we've domesticated humans.
-Can you believe it? [laughs]
-[intercom chimes]
[intercom] Good morning, humans.
More fridges have arrived.
Please stand at attention
next to your launch pads.
I think seeing
will help you better understand.
-[grand music playing]
-[indistinct chatter]
[machine whirrs]
[indistinct chatter]
-[squish]
-[grunt, relaxed sigh]
[computer]
Symbiosis complete.
-[human 1] Okay, ready? Careful.
-[human 2] Okay, okay.
Fridge Row. Oh, our pride and joy.
Every food who wants
refrigeration has access to it.
This is so incredible.
Who are those new fridges for?
-Uh, for you, silly.
-So, we'd have to be fridge mates.
I'm sensing you could both use
some separation from each other,
which is healthy, by the way.
And fortunately, we have a fridge surplus.
So you'd be helping us by
occupying more of them.
-[Frank] Good.
-Better than good. Great.
I'd actually say it's fantastic
because I don't like rooming
with one-uppers.
Fridge Row is just the beginning.
Oh, is this a walk and talk?
She's doing a walk and talk.
-We're supposed to follow her.
-[Trish] We quickly realized
not only did the human's physical
abilities improve our town,
but their specialized knowledge
from their past lives does as well.
Our humans have taught us
how to drive their cars
-Okay, now ease off the clutch.
-[screams]
practice medicine, even to read.
[Frank] You know, that's funny, in my
old town, I also wanted to use humeys.
But some foods
this motherfucker were against it.
Honestly, I'm surprised anyone
would stigmatize the use of humans.
They're the reason all
our basic needs are met,
which allows us to focus on
self-care and overall happiness.
Every food finds fulfillment in
Newfoodland, and so will you.
Sammy, I've already arranged a general
meeting for you with our top filmmaker,
-Francis Ford Capicola.
-A general meeting?
Is that is that like a pitch?
Am I allowed to pitch? I think I'll pitch.
Frank, your leadership will be
a welcome addition to our council.
The council?
Where they make all the big decisions?
[gasps] I'm I'm honored.
And, Barry, I suspect it'd be best for you
to find a calling on your own terms,
since any suggestion from me will be met
with a strong dose of skepticism.
I don't know about that.
Frank, are you ready for
your first council meeting?
Yes! Well, I guess we're not
stuck together anymore,
so you're sure you're
going to be all right here?
Of course I will. Why wouldn't I?
I don't know. Just because you
don't really have a thing.
I have things.
I have a lot of things. Okay?
And now I have all the time
in the world to explore them.
Don't worry about me, is my point, okay?
I'll see you around, man, all right?
Or not.
-This town's pretty big, so
-Yes, it is, and I'm glad I found it.
[grand music playing]
So, you're the bagel I've
been hearing so much about.
Mr. Ford Capicola, if I may,
Lambshank is incredible.
It's storytelling at its finest.
It inspires me.
And I want
No, I need to tell my own story.
It's got everything, trust me.
Love, action, redemption. Maybe
I hope. You know, it's hard to tell.
My story isn't over yet. Maybe I lack
the self-awareness to judge my own
Whoa, whoa. Easy there, kid.
You want to tell your own story?
-Mm-mm. That's not what we do here.
-What do you mean?
The humeys already made all
these movies. You understand?
All I do is I swap in food for humans.
I remake them, shot-for-shot,
and I'm a genius.
All right, take Joe Versus the Volcano.
As is, that would be a flop in our town.
But swap in the right foods,
and what have you got?
Sloppy Joe Versus the Lava Cake.
-And that, that is a hit, my friend.
-But these are humey stories, not ours.
I get it, kid. You're new to the scene.
You want to reinvent the cheese wheel.
But I didn't become a titan of
the industry by not playing it safe.
[stammers] I, no, look, I
Look, I know you're scared,
but art's supposed to be scary.
That's the bravest thing one can do.
We've got a chance to change
foods' lives here by, you know,
by showing them
the story of mine, frankly,
so what do you say, Mr. Ford Capicola?
You want to take a chance on a bagel?
[laughs]
You know, you might just be crazy
and self-centered enough to pull this off.
["National Aerobic Championship Theme"
by Ty Parr playing]
Here we go! Remember,
there's no wrong way to do this!
Totally right!
In the groove. That's it!
Smile on the inside. Keep smiling.
I love it, hamstrings, don't forget,
movement is how you stay old gracefully!
What am I even doing?
What is this? What is Zumba?
That's it. And just stretch,
explore the space.
Oy, Barry, hey. Is everything okay, man?
This isn't for me, Antonio.
Nothing in this town is.
I tried barbershop quartet,
but they have a falsetto already.
Ham radio, the hams I met on there
were freaks, all right? Forget it.
Here we go! Just mirror image of me.
[fighting grunts]
[energy drink] Come on, Dijon!
[groans]
-[Dijon grunts]
-[whimpers]
Oh, I love it! [chuckles]
I've never worn anything
that fit me so perfectly. Mm!
Happy for you, dear.
Are you ready to meet the others?
Definitely. Yeah, I can't
wait to meet the other foods.
Yeah, my humanity is long gone.
Just consider me
another food in your society.
But which food should you consider me as?
Mashed potatoes could work
because of the color and feel of my body.
[gasps] Humeys?! Well, ha!
Don't you all just look, uh, delicious?
[stammers, laughs] What? What am I saying?
You guys are hot! Hot is what I mean.
Yeah. Listen, okay, let me start over.
[stammers] Hello, Jack, I'm everyone.
[screams] No, I'm Jack! You're everyone!
Hi, Jack. I'm Curtis.
These are my brothers, Lee and Jamie.
Jamie, Lee, Curtis.
I'm pretty bad with names.
Going to have to find a way
to remember that somehow.
-[woman] Hi, Jack, I'm
-A girl! Great, uh, seeing you.
Um, all of you.
I mean, all of you, even the boys.
But you. Oh, look at you there.
And look at me, rambling again, ha!
Should we hug?
Yeah, probably not this soon.
Let's switch gears!
Have you ever won anything
after calling into a radio station?
Not recently. I was just
going to say my name's Jill.
Jack and Jill. [laughs] What are the odds?
Maybe one day we can fetch a pail of water
or roll down a hill together or something?
We're not supposed to get grass stains
on our tracksuits. But, yeah, maybe.
[intercom] Humans. Line up
and report to the training grounds.
Training? For what?
[Sherman]
Our reserves suggest our fuel supply
will be depleting in
approximately three days' time.
Before we address that,
I'd like to officially
[chuckles, mimics trumpet]
welcome our newest council member,
Frank, who will be representing nitrates.
Nitrates. I like it.
Sounds pretty bad ass.
I would just like to say how excited
and honored I am to be here.
Well, not as excited as we are! [laughs]
That's for sure.
Uh, as our newest member,
why don't you select which item from
the docket you'd like to start with?
[dramatic music playing]
[Trish] Oh, my God. He can't read.
Oh, dear Lord. He's illiterate.
[clears throat]
Actually, why don't we
take a brief recess? Yes?
Even though we just started,
let's stretch our legs a little. Hm?
[mouths] Thank you.
[fighting grunts]
[dramatic music playing]
-Barry! It's Jack! From Foodtopia!
-What's with the outfit, man?
Yeah, they gave me free clothes.
I think this is Dri-FIT.
Yeah, because I've been sweating
a ton and it's slicking right off.
Hey, where's Frank?
He's over getting his ego
stroked by the town council.
Oh, okay. Just figured he would
have visited me in the ICU.
You think he's mad at me?
You know what? Stop worrying
so much about Frank, okay?
His opinion of you shouldn't
matter as much as it does,
'cause at the end of the day,
it's probably pretty low,
-and that'll never change.
-Ouch.
You really put a lot of thought into my
relationship with Frank. What a bummer.
You want to hear another bummer?
I made an idiot of myself in front of
the new humeys. Especially Jill.
I really want her to like me
and to impress her,
but I have no way of
doing either of those things.
Attention, cadets.
-[indistinct murmurs]
-[French accordion music playing]
One of you will take your first flight
today with our new recruit.
So, who wishes to break him in?
I think I may have a way
to help both of us.
[grunting]
So, you do more than just watch.
Uh, what?
It's not sanitary!
-You ride bare butt?
-[crowd gasps]
You bet his sweet ass I do.
[Jack groaning in pain]
-[machine whirrs]
-[man] Good luck, new meat.
Nobody but Jill's ever come close
to getting to the end of this course.
[beeping]
-[alarm blares]
-[Jack yelling]
[groans in pain]
-[screams] The barbs!
-[grunting]
[grunting]
[Jack yelping]
[screams, grunts]
[screams] Ow!
[heavy breathing]
[gasps] Okay, Barry,
this one's all about timing. [screams]
Ah, ow!
-[Barry gasps]
-[Jack screams]
[man] Oh, whoa!
-[screaming]
-[grunts]
-[screaming]
-Dude!
[Jack]
No, no, no! [grunting]
[screams]
[all grunting]
-[buzzer blares]
-[all cheering]
[screams, groans, yelps]
[cheering continues]
[Jack groaning in pain]
-Nice moves out there.
-Yeah, we just doin' our thang.
-You have skill.
-Pssh. It was baby carrots play, baby.
But you are reckless. There is so much
you have to learn about technique
and how to care for your human to achieve
peak performance. I will teach you.
But first, let's see how you do in combat.
Unless you are not up to it?
[Jamie]
You're not so bad, new meat.
Guess my brothers and I won't be
filling our pillowcases with soap bars
-and beating you tonight after all.
-[all] Fuck yeah!
[foods screaming]
-[Sammy] Cut! Okay, back to one.
-[alarm blares]
-How was my Brenda? You can be honest.
-How was my performance, Mr. Bagel Jr.?
-Was I believable as Frank?
-Okay, look, you were fine,
but to be honest, no one's really
focusing on either of you in this scene.
It's-it's, you know, all about these two.
Look at me. Now look at each other.
You're star-crossed lovers.
This? This ain't supposed to work.
Why would it?
You haven't been through anything yet.
But that's about to change.
So remember, and you know, I cannot
overstate the importance of this nuance,
on the fall from the cart,
your elbow needs to graze
his nutsack just ever so slightly.
Really cheat it to
the camera this time, okay?
It's just central to the whole start
in the relationship. All right.
And action!
[intercom]
Lights out, humans.
Fall asleep immediately to achieve
the recommended eight hours.
[murmured sounds of exhaustion]
Uh, is this bed taken?
Not anymore.
Uh, that was Sebastian's bed.
His pilot was a bottle of gin
that pushed his body too far.
Seb tried to escape, and let's just say
he doesn't need a bed anymore.
Great!
[mattress springs creak]
-Was today your first time?
-Being piloted?
Nah, I've been piloted many times.
Yeah, only by hot dogs.
What's mustard like?
Dijon? She's great. Firm, but gentle.
Same way I was with Winnie. [chuckles]
Oh, that was my horse growing up.
She was my best friend.
The kids at school
were kind of mean to me,
probably because my best friend
was a horse, so
But never Winnie.
I mean, she bit me a few times,
but I could tell they were
love bites, weren't they, girl?
Horse bites? Yeah, I've been there.
That's what I get for wearing
apple bottom jeans to the county fair.
I think that's why Dijon and I
have such a strong connection,
because I've been on
the other side of the saddle.
In a way, I get to know what it feels
like to be a horse now. [chuckles]
Yeah, I like that.
We're horses, not scary dragons.
I knew you'd understand.
I've been afraid to tell anyone that.
But seeing you today
with that little hot dog, it's like
I don't have to feel weird anymore for
having a strong connection with a food.
We shouldn't feel weird about that.
We adapted.
It just shows that we have open hearts.
Yeah. My heart feels
pretty open right now.
-Mine, too.
-Night, Jack. I'm glad you're here.
["Love is a Battlefield"
by Pat Benatar playing]
[grunts]
We are strong ♪
No one can tell us we're wrong ♪
-I have you beat.
-Do you?
Searching our hearts ♪
A is for a pple. Apple.
Both of us knowing ♪
Love is a battlefield ♪
[mimicking horse whinnying]
You're beggin' me to go
and makin' me stay ♪
Why do you hurt me so bad? ♪
It would help me to know ♪
Do I stand in your way? ♪
[groaning in pain]
Believe me, believe me
I can't tell you why ♪
Lavash!
I never thought I'd say this,
but moving on.
Heartache to heartache ♪
We stand ♪
Fuck yeah! I did it! [grunts]
[both grunting]
We are strong ♪
We have fuel mission tomorrow.
You will ride up front with me.
[Barry] Hot dog and mustard.
-Who knew?
-[music fades]
-[poignant music playing]
-[Sammy] You know, that's my story,
a bagel's love and loss
and everything in between.
You know, I guess in the end, what I was
searching for, it was right under my nose.
Myself.
What? What? Why aren't y'all clapping?
I mean, you're giving me crickets?
Quentin Jalapeño,
you've got nothing to say to me?
I couldn't get you to shut
your fucking pie hole earlier.
God, I should've never screened
a rough assembly. It's incomplete!
I mean, I might as well have shown you
three quarters of my doughy little cock
-and expected you to be impressed by that.
-Sammy.
We loved it. That's why we're so quiet.
This is even better
than a standing ovation.
-You've made us all jealous of your movie.
-Son of a bitch! Fuck!
-Oh.
-I'm going to say something
I've only said once to Nora Saffron
after a screening of You've Got Mayo.
No notes.
-["Pomp and Circumstance" playing]
-Puree, Plum.
-[crowd cheers]
-[Mr. Benson] Frankfurter, Frank.
Look, look Trish! They gave me a,
um, a kur ta, kurti fi
-Certificate. It's a soft "c."
-Certi Yes!
-So proud of you.
-Hi, Frank! I made this for you.
-Oh, what have you got there?
[soft music playing]
Wow, this is
[sniffles]
Oh. You're crying.
And you don't want me to see.
And I'm making it worse
by talking about it, aren't I?
It's just I wish Brenda could have
seen how perfect everything is here.
Maybe she can.
[sweeping music playing]
[heavy breathing]
Hey, Barry,
thanks for using the riding helmet.
I can barely tell you're in there.
Yeah, whatever. Dijon says it helps with
stability and anal chafing.
So what's this fuel thing
we're looking for?
It's what makes human cars go.
A real precious commodity.
Seems we're in
a full-on Mad Max situation.
[gentle music playing]
-Hi.
-Hello.
[alarm beeping]
Dijon, it's Barry.
Yeah, I'm not sure what I did
to make Jack's heart rate spike like this.
Ah, shit, now his driveshaft
is growing on me, hang on.
Let's see if I can wrangle this fucker.
I do not think this is
something you have done.
Jill's heart rate is rising as well.
We may have just found
our first set of breeders.
[romantic music swells]
Well, Frankie boy, you know,
there's no other way to say it,
I've created a masterpiece.
So, remember your life now, okay?
'Cause after you see my movie,
it's going to be changed forever.
I feel like it already has. [chuckles]
Remember how sad and hopeless we were
on the journey here? Now look at us.
-We found the perfect home.
-We sure did, buddy boy. No notes.
[engine roaring]
Fuck yeah! Love a fuel mission!
That's weird.
We just passed a gas station.
We move in now.
[suits power on]
[tense music playing]
Flank that first trailer on the left.
Barry, what are we doing here?
You're asking me? I have no idea.
I'm just following Colonel Mustard.
Enter on my signal.
-[voice moans] I'm going to fizz.
-[oral sex sounds]
Huh? Hey, who's that?
[Beer screams]
[Chili groans]
No, wait, wait, what are you doing?
[whispers] What the fuck?
[chip screaming]
-Help! Help me!
-No!
Don't you do it! Don't you do it!
Leave me be! Oh, my God, no, no, no!
Oh, no, they done snapped
into Skinny Jimmy!
Oh, no! [screams]
-Oh, my God. Fuel is
-Food.
[dramatic music playing]
[triumphant music plays]