The Bad Guys: Breaking In (2025) s02e04 Episode Script

1
[heist music playing]
Uh… [chuckles nervously]
I must have heard you wrong, Ma,
'cause it sounded like you said
you were getting married.
That's right. Tomorrow.
Look, if this is some kind of trick
to get me to rush over there,
it's not gonna work.
Oh, I don't have time for this.
I've got a wedding to plan.
[phone beeps]
- We gotta get over there.
- Step on it, Piranha!
Don't worry, Snake.
I'll get you to your ma's in no time.
[engine revving]
[tires screeching]
[scoffs] Who's worried?
There's no way
the maven of making it on her own
is actually getting married.
Ooh! I bet she's pulling
a crime of passion.
The most dramatic of all crimes.
Not likely. That would involve emotions,
which my ma doesn't have.
[tires screeching]
Whatever's going on, Snake,
we'll get to the bottom of it as a team.
[brakes squealing]
Ma, what are you up to?
You're not really getting married?
Of course I am.
Is that so hard to believe?
- Yep.
- Completely.
- Uh-huh.
- Yes.
But only because
no mere mortal could be worthy of you.
Well, then there's someone special
I'd like you to meet.
[toilet flushing]
[door opening]
[man grunts]
Whew! I'd let it air out for a few hours,
maybe a day, to be safe.
- Mr. Wigglesworth?
- [grunts] No way!
[hisses]
[chuckles nervously, screams]
[heist music playing]
[engine revving]
[hisses]
[tires screeching]
- I've got that no-good magician!
- Hey, I deserve first dibs.
You better save some for me!
[Piranha groaning] Guys.
[Piranha grunts]
Uh, what? Where did he go?
[grunts] This is
quite the spirited greeting
from my former roomies and future family.
[Bad Guys yelling]
[phone beeps]
[groaning]
What's gotten into you?
You're not upset
I'm getting married, are you?
What do I care what you do
with your miserable life?
Well, that's just it.
Since meeting Wigglesworth, I'm… Well…
I'm…
[straining] …happy.
My entire childhood,
you told me emotions make a crook weak,
and now you go
and find happiness with him?
[whimpering]
He's the worst, Ma.
He conned us out of money
and sent us on a one-way ticket to prison.
I'm only hearing good things.
[Snake groans]
[Bad Guys yelling]
[phone beeps]
Snake, if you can't be happy
for your dear mother…
[groans]
…I'll have to ask you to leave.
Not only can I not be happy for her,
I'm gonna find a way
to steal her happiness.
And I've been itching
to pay Wigglesworth back
for stinking up my room.
Even moving lairs
didn't get the smell out.
This could be a real two birds,
one con situation.
Guys, I feel a crime of passion coming on.
Let's break up a wedding!
It does hurt me
to see a queen like Serpentina
with a three of duds like Wigglesworth.
[chuckles] Hey, there can't be a wedding
if there's no Wigglesworth.
Go on.
You know how he tried to get us arrested?
Maybe it's time to return the favor.
Hey. [chuckles]
I'm sorry for being so small
and petty earlier.
I'm glad you're joining the family.
- [in unison] You are?
- [chuckles]
[hissing] Of course.
You know, we need to pull a heist together
if we're gonna do this shindig right.
After all, it's a crime world tradition
to throw the groom-to-be
a burglar-ette party.
- [Snake cackles]
- [chuckling] Hey, that's right.
Why don't we go to Gemstone Row
and cause some trouble?
That's a stupendous idea.
I happen to be in need of a ring.
[Serpentina sighs, chuckles]
- [blows kiss]
- [groaning]
[engine rumbling]
We're stealing in broad daylight?
Wigglesworth, relax.
This place is closed for lunch,
and Webs loaded up the guards' phones
with coupons for extra-big burritos.
Don't you worry, Wiggles.
We got this, because we're family.
[chuckles menacingly]
Security systems disabled.
Go, go, go.
[Wigglesworth grunts] Eek!
Oh, man. I can't fit.
You'll have to go it alone.
I've been in cabinets tighter than this.
Vent team in position.
All clear. Send him in.
[banging]
[grunts]
[yells]
- [Wigglesworth groans]
- The magician has landed.
Wigglesworth, take your time
and find that perfect ring.
We'll, uh… W-w-we'll keep lookout.
Good thing too.
I'm tremendously slow
and clumsy in my old age.
I'm practically a sitting duck.
[Snake cackles]
Hit it.
[phone beeps]
Hello? A no-good bandit is stealing
on Gemstone Row.
[whimpering] Um… Um…
Send in your most hardcore players.
And remember, show no mercy.
[chuckles]
[alarm ringing]
[whimpers]
[tires squealing]
[Snake sighs]
Ma, I got bad news.
On our heist, well, Mr. Wigglesworth…
[doorbell ringing]
- Wiggle-wazam!
- How did you get…
[chuckling] Oh!
An escape artist never reveals his tricks.
My love, you should have seen us.
We rolled, we waggled,
we worked as a team.
Nay, as a family.
Come here, you repugnant rascal.
[Serpentina gasps]
- [gasping]
- [Snake grunts]
Say, you guys did a really bad job
of keeping lookout.
No warning whatsoever.
It's like you were trying
to get rid of me. [laughs]
Is it any surprise
that Wolf came up with a terrible plan?
Do The Bad Guys even pull heists anymore?
From what I hear,
you're too busy planning birthday parties
and getting chummy with guards,
and competing not to do crimes.
- Sad really.
- How do you know about all that?
She does read my newsletters!
Wiggly-Poo,
tomorrow, you're going to make me
the happiest criminal goddess in history.
[gasps] Heistory!
Missed it. [chuckles]
Okay, this is gonna be harder
than we thought.
We need a new plan.
A plan
which I am perfectly capable of making.
- Sorry. Serpentina got in my head.
- Well, we better think of something.
My ma's the reason I'm this miserable,
so no way I'll let her find happiness.
Fear not, for I am the student
of the crime of passion.
There are five pillars.
Extreme estrangement,
tantalizing temptation,
wrongful whispers, star-crossing,
and if all else fails,
scandal.
We already tried the first one,
so next up is temptation.
So, Snake and Shark, you do that.
Webs, you, you, uh, um…
…shall poison Serpentina
against Wigglesworth with the power of…
[whispering] …wrongful whispers.
Got it.
If I can't convince her that she deserves
better than that week-old lasagna,
then I'll make sure
she has the wedding she deserves.
What? No!
We're here to steal happiness, remember?
Piranha, stay with Webs.
Don't let Serpentina get to her.
You can count on me.
I'm immune to mind games.
Unless you're playing one right now?
Gah! Get out of my head, bro!
I'm gonna get some loot from the lair.
Wigglesworth is a mooch.
Maybe we can buy him off.
[Snake] Let's go destroy a happy couple.
See that? Still got it.
You're no match for me, the Big Bad…
Huh?
[door handle rattling]
Uh-oh.
[door creaking]
It's locked.
Guys. Guys!
[phone beeping]
No, no! [groans]
Ma, I'm taking Wigglesworth out,
uh, for, uh…
Father-son bonding time?
- [groans] Yeah, that.
- [Wigglesworth chuckles]
Oh, Serpentina.
It's so admirable
that you aren't marrying for looks.
Because, uh, Wigglesworth…
Dude looks like vomit smells.
I know what you're trying to do.
You want me to break up with Wiggly-Poo.
Instead, maybe you two
could be in my… wedding party.
Yes!
No one can honor you like I can.
Webs, no! She's getting to you!
This is exactly what Wolf said not to do.
Me? Get in your brilliant brain?
- Oh, I could never.
- Wait. Really?
Wolf doesn't give you enough credit.
That's right, I'm no pushover.
Team Serpentina!
So, it's decided.
Patricia, you'll be my ring bearer.
You can count on Patricia.
[whimpers]
[ring tinkling in distance]
Uh-oh. [chuckles nervously]
- Be right back.
- You, needy crab.
Plan my wedding
on that electric typewriter of yours.
Now, let's see…
I'll have to have the "Wedding March"
for when I slither down the aisle.
No doubt.
Performed by the composer, of course.
Um, Felix Mendelssohn died in 1847.
Well, if you're not up to the job…
Give me five minutes.
Son, the most important piece
of fatherly wisdom
I can impart to you is this.
The five-second rule is a lie
created by Big Refrigerator.
I keep all my food on the ground
at room temperature.
Floor sammie?
Hard pass.
I mean, thanks…
Dad.
Oh, help! Magician's emergency.
I'm a magician.
My heart medication is stuck
in a vending machine,
and I need a quarter right now.
You mean, like this?
Wiggle-wazam!
My good man, you've passed my test.
For, you see, I'm Walter Gumbo… [chuckles]
…talent scout for the All Oceans
and Some Seas Magician's Cruise Line.
And we would like to offer you
the last spot on our roster.
[gasps] The A.O.S.S.M.C.?
Everything's
coming up Wigglesworth lately.
But we set sail tonight
and can only offer room and board
for a single performer.
No wives-to-be allowed.
That's one tempting offer, huh?
Look, you gotta pursue your magic career.
I'm sure Ma will understand.
I…
I can't.
- Huh?
- I'm sorry, Mr. Gumbo.
As tempting as it is, my beloved
is more important than my career.
Well, temptation may have failed,
but star-crossing is guaranteed to work.
Meet me by the grocery store
in 20 minutes.
Except it won't be me,
for I shall be in disguise.
[Wolf yelling]
[door banging]
[yelling continues]
[groans]
[panting]
My phone's got no service.
My comms don't work.
And no matter how much I yell,
no one can hear me!
[drinking bird squeaking]
[sighs]
Maybe Serpentina's right.
Maybe I've lost a step.
[sighs]
[grunts] Oh, this takes me back.
D.B., my mentor, he used to love these.
If he saw me now, he'd tell me to stop
my bellyaching and get off the floor.
[candy clattering]
Huh.
Is he talking to a toy bird?
[panting] Okay,
I hacked a bioengineering lab
to extract DNA from a stolen specimen
of the late, great
Is this story going somewhere?
You're right.
I don't need to bore you with the details.
But rest assured that
a fully reanimated Felix Mendelssohn
will be performing at your wedding.
Oh, that.
On second thought,
I want the focus to be on me.
I shall slither to my beloved
in total silence.
[chuckles] Of course.
Why didn't I think of that?
Mendelssohn's clone
can ruin someone else's wedding.
Now, let's talk color scheme.
I want everything
to be the exact color of the sky
on the day of my first steal.
[shudders]
[chuckling] Look at me,
loitering outside a grocery store
for no reason with my son-to-be.
I thought I'd never accomplish
any of my goals in life.
To get married and start a family,
perform the Tightrope Tower Escape.
The what now?
The Tightrope Tower Escape
is the holy grail for escape artists.
A dangerous trick that no magician
has ever successfully pulled off.
You don't say.
Hey, uh… Dad,
you've achieved two of your goals.
You've got to go for number three, huh?
It's too dangerous.
I've got a family to think about now.
[mystical voice] You there!
Mr. Wigglesworth!
How did you know my name?
The spirits tell me everything,
and they have a message for you!
Is that a coffee pot?
Wolf cut my prop budget, remember?
Now, let's see
into the bubbling beans of truth.
Oh, I see a great love.
Oh, a wedding.
Oh, things will end in disaster!
A tragedy!
And, oh! Oh, my!
One hundred years of doom
for your beloved!
Oh!
No!
Boy, talk about star-crossed lovers.
Well, I guess
you gotta call off the wedding.
[grunts]
Please. Please, please, please.
[beeping]
It's working!
[dial tone]
[phone vibrating]
Is that Wolf? Pick up.
I need the advice of my bros.
Snake! Thank goodness. Listen…
What? Wolf, your reception's terrible.
- Help me. I'm stuck.
- Oh, me too.
I'm stuck between the love of my life
and the advice of a single-origin psychic.
What? No! No, no, no.
We need a stronger cell connection.
[crackling]
We need… connection.
You're right, Wolf.
We do all need connection.
And that's what I have with Serpentina.
Forget what this psychic thinks.
Wolf, you lousy bum!
Snake, I'm stuck in the office!
Snake! Snake! [gasps]
No, no! No, no, no! Whoa!
N-no! No! [screams]
[grunts]
Wolf blew it. The mutt.
Only one crime of passion pillar left.
[cackles]
[hissing] Scandal.
And I know just what to do.
[whispering indistinctly]
And then I want ghost orchids
for the centerpieces.
They're impossible to find.
But not for you, I'm sure.
[doorbell ringing]
[Shark panting]
What are you supposed to be?
Ah, honestly, I don't even know anymore.
I've bitten off
more than I can chew. A first.
Say cheese!
[camera clicks]
Two coffees for father and son.
[Snake groans]
[panting]
Oh! Oh, Mr… Mr. Wigglesworth.
I-I'm Gene. Gene Formaggio.
Yes, private eye.
I have scandalous news. Here.
[gasps] Serpentina being wowed
by another magician's card tricks?
But that was our thing.
Yep, that's Ma.
- She'll let anyone do tricks for her.
- [Wigglesworth yelps]
Of course. Week-old lasagna like me
could never be worthy of her.
I have to show her that this old noodle's
still capable of something spectacular.
Huh?
I know you needed this father-son bonding,
but I have something I must do.
- What just happened?
- I need a nap.
[Snake grunts]
[Snake groans]
[Serpentina sobbing]
Mr. Wigglesworth called
and said the wedding is off
because he's not worthy.
He's gonna do
some kind of tower walk instead.
Does he know how hard
we've been working on this wedding?
[Snake gasps]
- Yeah!
- Boy, Ma.
I am so… [chuckles]
…so sorry to hear that terrific…
I mean, terrible news, Ma.
[Serpentina sobbing]
Is that a tear?
But you never cry.
What possibly could have
changed his mind to hurt me so?
[sobbing continues]
[groans] Come on, ring. Where are you?
I'm gonna get out of this office.
I'm gonna prove Serpentina wrong.
I'm the Big Bad Wolf.
Whoa! Whoa!
What did I miss?
This is Tiffany Fluffit
with breaking news.
The magnificent Mr. Wigglesworth is about
to attempt the Tightrope Tower Escape,
a one-of-a-kind trick
that's never been successfully completed.
I'm no weather person, but I predict
it's gonna rain magicians any second now.
I can't bear to look.
My poor Wiggly-Poo.
Ma, I'm gonna fix this.
We're gonna fix this. Right, guys?
- Yeah!
- You bet.
We got your back.
- We just need a way up there.
- [man] Plungers!
Get your plungers here!
Extra suction-y
for those extra-big messes!
[heist music playing]
[dial tone]
God, this guy's toast!
Wow! Look how high he is!
Come on, guys. Step on it.
[grunts] Plunging as fast as I can here.
What's gotten into you, man?
Nothing. Seeing my mother cry
hasn't rocked me to my core, at all.
[gasps]
[Wigglesworth whimpering]
[inhales sharply] Oy…
Uh-huh.
Now, time to carefully, oh, so, carefully…
[grunts]
[gasps] Huh?
[gasping]
- [onlookers yelling]
- [gasping]
- Wigglesworth, hold on!
- Son, is that you?
It's Snake. And you don't have to
do this stupid stunt.
I… I set you up. It wasn't personal.
Well, it was, 'cause I don't like you.
But my ma does.
And as much as it pains me to say it,
I want her to be happy.
And that involves you being alive.
A little late for that…
[Wigglesworth screams]
[Shark grunts]
[in unison] No!
- [Snake grunts]
- Yeah!
Son, you saved me!
[Snake groans]
Guess we should head down,
now that Wigglesworth's trick failed.
Wait a minute.
Who says the trick
wasn't a success? [hissing]
[Tiffany gasps]
Wiggle-wazam!
[cheering]
Folks, it appears
that the amazing Mr. Wigglesworth
has just completed
the first ever Tightrope Tower Escape,
setting a new standard
for unnecessary aerial tricks.
[cheering and applause continues]
[chuckles]
Mr. Wigglesworth, I'm Walter Gumbo,
international talent scout
for the All Oceans and Some Seas
Magician's Cruise Line.
Let's talk turkey.
[Serpentina] You need more time?
I've kept these bozos
out of the lair all day.
Ma, who are you talking to?
Was I on the phone?
I'm so emotional, I forget.
[Wolf growls, gasps]
- [Wolf] And what do we have here?
- Eye drops.
Ma never cries. I knew it!
Of course I don't cry.
You think a crook like myself
would be caught dead
with salty weakness water
spilling out my eye holes?
You were never getting married, were you?
Webs, can you find out who she called?
Way ahead of you, Wolfie.
I've already back-traced
the location of the caller to…
[laptop chimes]
…our lair?
[snarls]
You faked this to get us out of the lair?
Ma, I wanted to steal your happiness,
but that's not possible,
because you're a miserable,
no-good backstabber.
I'm only hearing good things. Mm.
- [Snake groans, hisses]
- [Serpentina cackles]
[engine starts]
[cackling continues]
[bell dings]
D.B., is that you?
[chuckling] Hey, kiddo.