The Change (2023) s02e04 Episode Script
Season 2, Episode 4
1
SHE SCOFFS
SHE SCOFFS AGAIN
Come here. Here.
On no level was you fornicating
with Siobhain,
next to me, while I was asleep, OK.
See, I thought I'd lost my
virginity at 15, Linda.
But in hindsight,
I think Siobhain took it
the other night.
Ugh! I'm not having
this conversation.
I mean, yeah, I know about all
this role play stuff, you know,
people pretending to be
firemen, nurses, plumbers,
but dogs?
I never knew you could feel degraded
and liberated at the same time.
But I'm worried it might come back
and bite me on the bum.
Like she Siobhain did.
Please.
Cos them pictures, they're on
the cloud now. Out of context.
Are you OK?
I don't think the lice are
gonna be enough for me anymore.
Wolf mother, where you been?
You look so worn, so thin
You're a taker, devil's maker
Let me hear you sing, hey-ya, hey-ya
Wolf father, at the door
You don't smile anymore
You're a drifter, a shapeshifter
Let me see you run, hey-ya, hey-ya
Holy light, oh, burn the night
Oh, keep the spirits strong
Watch it grow, child of woe
Oh, keep holding on
When I run through the deep dark
forest long after this begun
Where the sun would set, the trees
were dead and the rivers were none
And I hope for a trace to lead me
back home from this place
But there was no sound, there was
only me and my disgrace ♪
When are you gonna stop all this
pointless dick-bashing, Linda?
TOENAIL CLIPS
Argh! Please, Siobhain.
Do them outside.
That's not very joyful of you,
Linda, is it?
NAIL CLIPS AGAIN
Why is it so loud? It's just nail.
Vitamin B, Lin.
I could dig through frozen soil
with these.
If I were a bird. In winter.
And I needed a worm.
What are you on about?
Where you going?
Housework Action Group meeting.
Then I'm gonna try out
a new vegan mushroom eel recipe.
Housewife Action Group?
Mushroom vegan eels?
You are a Guardian reader's
wet dream.
And whose wet dream are you?
Jim Davidson's?
And have a wash.
You smell like a bin.
'In the latest Ledgergate news,
The Verderer's ill-advised strategy
for the men
to withhold sex until their
wives "come to their senses"
has catastrophically backfired.
The majority of women have
enthusiastically welcomed
a period of celibacy,
and are now rethinking
their sexuality.
It's another blow for the men,
and not the kind they were hoping
for.'
The thing is, Linda,
going on strike is all very well
in theory,
but the reality is,
if the women don't do everything,
stuff is either not done
or it's done badly,
and they have to do it again,
and so what the women wanna know is,
how does it all end?
They don't wanna live in a pigsty,
the kids are getting sick
through malnutrition,
school trips and clubs,
they're being missed, and the men
the men are using the same cloth
to do everything with.
They're not they're not even
wringing the water out,
before wiping down surfaces.
Do you know,
nice women don't make
the history books, Janet.
My proposals are,
one. All housework, and childcare,
and mental load divided equally.
Two. Chore benefit.
Like like child benefit,
but for chores?
Exactly. Oh!
Jesus, Janet!
I've had a thought, Linda.
I'm off to reread section 137 of
the 1972 Local Government Act.
Call me.
Oh, yeah, I'll text you later.
Yeah, yeah.
You best have a plan B, Verderer.
The women have gone from
vacuuming carpets to munching 'em.
I got a plan B.
And we shall prevail against these
wanton succubi.
Hah? These agents of the Devil.
Oh, Shirley, I've spilt me pint.
Can you give us a cloth?
Get it yourself, you lazy gobshite.
Eh? What?
You're at work, you're not at home.
The strike doesn't apply here.
I am at home. I live upstairs.
Well, this is ridiculous!
Jesus on a stick.
And rinse it and wring it out
when you're done.
All right.
'Ark at 'er when she's at home, eh?
HE MUTTERS
Have you warned them?
Warned who?
The men.
About what?
Vegan mushroom eels.
No, I didn't mention the V word.
I was vague,
said something about
a new recipe, you know,
healthier, full of vitamins and
natural aphrodisiacs and that.
Bit of peri-peri.
See the problem with
the menopause is that a lot of
the symptoms could be other
things, right, so you don't know
if it's the menopause or if it's
something else going on.
I know.
Like I don't know if my achy joints
is down to hormones
or sleeping standing up.
Exactly. Like,
is my murderous rage due to
a lack of oestrogen or is it
because Colin Cockface can't
pronounce my name right?
I swear to God, Ags, if he calls
me THeresa one more time
I'll tape his fucking mouth shut
with an HRT patch.
Just put a hex on him, Tree.
Much easier than asking men
to stop doing things.
Mm.
HARMONICA PLAYS GENTLE MELODY
Good morning. Good Morning. Er
Not feeling great today.
Didn't sleep well.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna head off
to the Severn Bridge to end it all.
Not not after last time.
You'd think they'd let me off
the parking ticket,
all things considered.
But, er, no.
No, er no anger today.
Just, er
just sadness and emptiness.
Very sad.
And, er, very empty.
A heaviness, you know?
Don't make sense, does it?
To feel both empty and heavy.
Anyway,
onwards and upwards.
One day at a time.
One day at a time.
Good morning. Good morning.
Good morning.
The topic for today is
of course Ledgergate.
CHUCKLING: Honestly, it's like
the plot of a terrible
feminazi lesbo porno movie.
You know?
Easy Rider meets Handmaid's Tale
meets The Riddle of the Sphinx.
Now, I don't know about you
boys, but that would,
that would not get me going
in any way whatsoever.
Back after this.
COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS
Have you heard about
Jeremiah's baby?
What that it came out laughing?
No. The birthmark.
Oh.
Which Watkins ancestor do you reckon
has come back this time then, eh?
Well, hopefully not great great
great grandfayther Josiah.
Hmm, yeah, well,
we'll found out soon enough
if the nipper starts eating his
own faeces.
Oh, and did you hear that
Jeremiah lost the placenta on
the way home from the hospital?
Sally can't bury it.
What so the baby's not anchored
to the earth? No.
How'd he lose it then?
He was pissed as a fart.
Worrying thing is,
it was wrapped up in paper like
a package from the butchers.
Ew. Well, best avoid the kebab shop
for a few days then.
Gonna have a serious problem,
that kid.
Oh, yeah.
Especially if it's great great great
grandfayther Josiah reincarnated.
Oh! But he has got
the Watkins webbed toes.
Ah. Best swimmers in the forest.
Is that an harmonic in your pocket
or are you just pleased to see me?
THEY CHUCKLE
I have this effect on men.
They say you're never more than
six feet away from a rat.
Well, I'm never more than six feet
away from a semi.
Well, it's good to see you,
Siobhain. I'll, er
I'll leave you to your privacy.
You're not my type anyway.
I need to speak to you.
I never understood why it was just
me with webbed toes.
Well, I do now. Eh?
I think that Fayther
might be my real dad.
And you know something.
And I know that you do.
Well, I do know that mum was
having an affair
with someone down here for years.
But that's all I know.
So he could be my dad, then?
Did Dad know? Yes.
So Dad knew. And you knew.
And everyone knew except me.
That explains everything,
doesn't it?
Why I felt like an outsider.
Because because I was.
Why didn't you tell me?
Well, it wasn't my place.
Not your place?!
Well, no. I was a child.
It was Mum's place.
And she told me not to tell you,
she said it was
"our little secret".
You know what Mum was like.
She was always pitting us
against each other.
You took what you could get.
Love crumbs.
And I resented you.
You were the reason Mum
and Dad fought.
What do you mean?
You were a reminder of her deceit.
What about after she died?
Was there no point in the past
40 years when you could've told me?
Well, I wanted to,
but then as time passed
it got harder and harder.
I cannot believe that you have known
all these years.
And still been vile to me.
Cos it's not that big a
deal, Linda.
I'm not who I thought I
was, Siobhain.
None of us are who we thought
we were. Deal with it.
#..Have you ever seen the rain?
Comin' down on a sunny day
Yesterday and days before
Sun is cold and rain is hard,
I know
It's been that way for all my time
Till forever on it goes
Through the circle fast and slow
I know
It can't stop I wonder
I wanna know have you ever seen
the rain?
I wanna know have you ever seen
the rain?
Comin' down on a sunny day ♪
Thing with these ledgers is,
it's different chores on
different days.
I mean, do we have to stick
to that,
or can I put a wash on
on a different day than she did?
What's this?
The Feminist Manifesto?
Oh. Right.
I'll be taking this poisonous
propaganda, thank you, gentlemen.
PHONE RINGS
Hey, Theresa.
What the fuck did you put in those
vegan mushroom eels, Linda?
The men are going fucking apeshit.
Shit.
Oh, Sally my dear, it's you I'd be
kissing
She smiled and replied. "You don't
know what you're missing"
Oh, Sally my dear, I wish I could
wed you
Oh, Sally my dear, I wish I could
bed you#
SHE SCOFFS
SHE SCOFFS AGAIN
Come here. Here.
On no level was you fornicating
with Siobhain,
next to me, while I was asleep, OK.
See, I thought I'd lost my
virginity at 15, Linda.
But in hindsight,
I think Siobhain took it
the other night.
Ugh! I'm not having
this conversation.
I mean, yeah, I know about all
this role play stuff, you know,
people pretending to be
firemen, nurses, plumbers,
but dogs?
I never knew you could feel degraded
and liberated at the same time.
But I'm worried it might come back
and bite me on the bum.
Like she Siobhain did.
Please.
Cos them pictures, they're on
the cloud now. Out of context.
Are you OK?
I don't think the lice are
gonna be enough for me anymore.
Wolf mother, where you been?
You look so worn, so thin
You're a taker, devil's maker
Let me hear you sing, hey-ya, hey-ya
Wolf father, at the door
You don't smile anymore
You're a drifter, a shapeshifter
Let me see you run, hey-ya, hey-ya
Holy light, oh, burn the night
Oh, keep the spirits strong
Watch it grow, child of woe
Oh, keep holding on
When I run through the deep dark
forest long after this begun
Where the sun would set, the trees
were dead and the rivers were none
And I hope for a trace to lead me
back home from this place
But there was no sound, there was
only me and my disgrace ♪
When are you gonna stop all this
pointless dick-bashing, Linda?
TOENAIL CLIPS
Argh! Please, Siobhain.
Do them outside.
That's not very joyful of you,
Linda, is it?
NAIL CLIPS AGAIN
Why is it so loud? It's just nail.
Vitamin B, Lin.
I could dig through frozen soil
with these.
If I were a bird. In winter.
And I needed a worm.
What are you on about?
Where you going?
Housework Action Group meeting.
Then I'm gonna try out
a new vegan mushroom eel recipe.
Housewife Action Group?
Mushroom vegan eels?
You are a Guardian reader's
wet dream.
And whose wet dream are you?
Jim Davidson's?
And have a wash.
You smell like a bin.
'In the latest Ledgergate news,
The Verderer's ill-advised strategy
for the men
to withhold sex until their
wives "come to their senses"
has catastrophically backfired.
The majority of women have
enthusiastically welcomed
a period of celibacy,
and are now rethinking
their sexuality.
It's another blow for the men,
and not the kind they were hoping
for.'
The thing is, Linda,
going on strike is all very well
in theory,
but the reality is,
if the women don't do everything,
stuff is either not done
or it's done badly,
and they have to do it again,
and so what the women wanna know is,
how does it all end?
They don't wanna live in a pigsty,
the kids are getting sick
through malnutrition,
school trips and clubs,
they're being missed, and the men
the men are using the same cloth
to do everything with.
They're not they're not even
wringing the water out,
before wiping down surfaces.
Do you know,
nice women don't make
the history books, Janet.
My proposals are,
one. All housework, and childcare,
and mental load divided equally.
Two. Chore benefit.
Like like child benefit,
but for chores?
Exactly. Oh!
Jesus, Janet!
I've had a thought, Linda.
I'm off to reread section 137 of
the 1972 Local Government Act.
Call me.
Oh, yeah, I'll text you later.
Yeah, yeah.
You best have a plan B, Verderer.
The women have gone from
vacuuming carpets to munching 'em.
I got a plan B.
And we shall prevail against these
wanton succubi.
Hah? These agents of the Devil.
Oh, Shirley, I've spilt me pint.
Can you give us a cloth?
Get it yourself, you lazy gobshite.
Eh? What?
You're at work, you're not at home.
The strike doesn't apply here.
I am at home. I live upstairs.
Well, this is ridiculous!
Jesus on a stick.
And rinse it and wring it out
when you're done.
All right.
'Ark at 'er when she's at home, eh?
HE MUTTERS
Have you warned them?
Warned who?
The men.
About what?
Vegan mushroom eels.
No, I didn't mention the V word.
I was vague,
said something about
a new recipe, you know,
healthier, full of vitamins and
natural aphrodisiacs and that.
Bit of peri-peri.
See the problem with
the menopause is that a lot of
the symptoms could be other
things, right, so you don't know
if it's the menopause or if it's
something else going on.
I know.
Like I don't know if my achy joints
is down to hormones
or sleeping standing up.
Exactly. Like,
is my murderous rage due to
a lack of oestrogen or is it
because Colin Cockface can't
pronounce my name right?
I swear to God, Ags, if he calls
me THeresa one more time
I'll tape his fucking mouth shut
with an HRT patch.
Just put a hex on him, Tree.
Much easier than asking men
to stop doing things.
Mm.
HARMONICA PLAYS GENTLE MELODY
Good morning. Good Morning. Er
Not feeling great today.
Didn't sleep well.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna head off
to the Severn Bridge to end it all.
Not not after last time.
You'd think they'd let me off
the parking ticket,
all things considered.
But, er, no.
No, er no anger today.
Just, er
just sadness and emptiness.
Very sad.
And, er, very empty.
A heaviness, you know?
Don't make sense, does it?
To feel both empty and heavy.
Anyway,
onwards and upwards.
One day at a time.
One day at a time.
Good morning. Good morning.
Good morning.
The topic for today is
of course Ledgergate.
CHUCKLING: Honestly, it's like
the plot of a terrible
feminazi lesbo porno movie.
You know?
Easy Rider meets Handmaid's Tale
meets The Riddle of the Sphinx.
Now, I don't know about you
boys, but that would,
that would not get me going
in any way whatsoever.
Back after this.
COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS
Have you heard about
Jeremiah's baby?
What that it came out laughing?
No. The birthmark.
Oh.
Which Watkins ancestor do you reckon
has come back this time then, eh?
Well, hopefully not great great
great grandfayther Josiah.
Hmm, yeah, well,
we'll found out soon enough
if the nipper starts eating his
own faeces.
Oh, and did you hear that
Jeremiah lost the placenta on
the way home from the hospital?
Sally can't bury it.
What so the baby's not anchored
to the earth? No.
How'd he lose it then?
He was pissed as a fart.
Worrying thing is,
it was wrapped up in paper like
a package from the butchers.
Ew. Well, best avoid the kebab shop
for a few days then.
Gonna have a serious problem,
that kid.
Oh, yeah.
Especially if it's great great great
grandfayther Josiah reincarnated.
Oh! But he has got
the Watkins webbed toes.
Ah. Best swimmers in the forest.
Is that an harmonic in your pocket
or are you just pleased to see me?
THEY CHUCKLE
I have this effect on men.
They say you're never more than
six feet away from a rat.
Well, I'm never more than six feet
away from a semi.
Well, it's good to see you,
Siobhain. I'll, er
I'll leave you to your privacy.
You're not my type anyway.
I need to speak to you.
I never understood why it was just
me with webbed toes.
Well, I do now. Eh?
I think that Fayther
might be my real dad.
And you know something.
And I know that you do.
Well, I do know that mum was
having an affair
with someone down here for years.
But that's all I know.
So he could be my dad, then?
Did Dad know? Yes.
So Dad knew. And you knew.
And everyone knew except me.
That explains everything,
doesn't it?
Why I felt like an outsider.
Because because I was.
Why didn't you tell me?
Well, it wasn't my place.
Not your place?!
Well, no. I was a child.
It was Mum's place.
And she told me not to tell you,
she said it was
"our little secret".
You know what Mum was like.
She was always pitting us
against each other.
You took what you could get.
Love crumbs.
And I resented you.
You were the reason Mum
and Dad fought.
What do you mean?
You were a reminder of her deceit.
What about after she died?
Was there no point in the past
40 years when you could've told me?
Well, I wanted to,
but then as time passed
it got harder and harder.
I cannot believe that you have known
all these years.
And still been vile to me.
Cos it's not that big a
deal, Linda.
I'm not who I thought I
was, Siobhain.
None of us are who we thought
we were. Deal with it.
#..Have you ever seen the rain?
Comin' down on a sunny day
Yesterday and days before
Sun is cold and rain is hard,
I know
It's been that way for all my time
Till forever on it goes
Through the circle fast and slow
I know
It can't stop I wonder
I wanna know have you ever seen
the rain?
I wanna know have you ever seen
the rain?
Comin' down on a sunny day ♪
Thing with these ledgers is,
it's different chores on
different days.
I mean, do we have to stick
to that,
or can I put a wash on
on a different day than she did?
What's this?
The Feminist Manifesto?
Oh. Right.
I'll be taking this poisonous
propaganda, thank you, gentlemen.
PHONE RINGS
Hey, Theresa.
What the fuck did you put in those
vegan mushroom eels, Linda?
The men are going fucking apeshit.
Shit.
Oh, Sally my dear, it's you I'd be
kissing
She smiled and replied. "You don't
know what you're missing"
Oh, Sally my dear, I wish I could
wed you
Oh, Sally my dear, I wish I could
bed you#