A Man on the Inside (2024) s02e05 Episode Script

1
[gentle music playing]
Should I make the pie?
Oh my God.
I know. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, just talk it out with me
one more time, okay?
Pros. Dad's favorite food
from Dad's favorite holiday.
Cons. Dad has a new girlfriend.
Does making Mom's pie
make Dad think about Mom,
make him sad, ruin Thanksgiving,
ruin his new relationship,
ruin his relationship with me,
and, ultimately,
ruin my relationship with you?
The thing that's
gonna ruin our relationship
is you asking me this question
every night.
- I'm gonna make the pie.
- Great.
- Hi.
- [gasps]
I'm not making the pie. Changed my mind.
It was my mom's Thanksgiving thing,
not mine.
It's the right move. Not making it.
I'm making it.
I went to the store,
and I bought all the ingredients.
My dad is gonna want the pie,
and I mean, this is stupid.
You know? I'm just gonna
make it, and it'll be good.
And if it reminds him of my mom,
I mean, maybe that's a good thing.
Yeah.
He won't be upset.
He might. He might be upset.
Oh God.
There is a possibility,
and I just this is
[softly] Oh, it's so risky.
I don't know, I'm not [groans]
No.
No, no.
[firmly] No. No.
[Charles] Okay, so,
Nieuwendyk family Thanksgiving tradition.
Small group.
Close friends and loved ones.
You, me, Emily,
Joel, Calbert, and the kids.
We talk, we drink, we eat.
We have a calm, quiet evening.
What about yours? What's your tradition?
I pop a gummy and go see live music.
Okay, so different approaches.
I'm not really
a small gathering kind of gal.
I prefer crowds and noise and chaos.
[ringtone playing]
- Julie, happy Thanksgiving.
- [Julie] Thanks. Shut up. I need help.
I invited my mom and her boyfriend over,
and I've never done it before.
- Done what?
- [Julie]Thanksgiving.
We never did the full holiday meal thing
when I was a kid
because my mom was never around.
I don't know what I'm doing, and you're
so good at this Norman Rockwell crap.
Okay, I think I can talk you through it.
What have you done so far?
Okay, I put the turkey on the counter.
Oh boy, all right.
You might still have time.
First, reach into the turkey
and remove the giblets.
What the hell's a giblet?
Sounds gross. I'm not touching that.
Julie, this is Mona.
Come over here.
[Julie] Oh no.
I I couldn't do that.
No, no. Bring everyone and come over.
We have plenty of food.
Honestly, I'd totally do that
if it's okay with Charles.
Of cour Yeah. Of course it is.
- Please, come.
- You're a lifesaver.
We're gonna hit the road right now.
Thank you, Charles. Seriously.
She's your friend.
She's trying with her mom,
and she's in trouble.
I know. I know. You're right.
[doorbell rings]
- [Charles] Hello.
- Hey. Happy Thanksgiving.
Go hug your grandpa.
Don't be weird. Get in there.
Hi.
- Good to see you.
- [Mona] You too.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- Happy Thanksgiving.
- [Mona] You too.
Did you make Mom's pie?
I have been thinking about it all week.
Uh, not an exaggeration to say
that's literally all we've talked about.
Oh, good. Can you do me a favor?
Go down to the garage
and get the special dessert plates?
You have gotta have special plates
for a special pie.
Sure do.
They're on the left when you go in.
Hey, guys. I got that football
game you talked about.
Find me a place to buy a pecan pie.
Already on it.
[theme music playing]
Hey there. You made great time.
Didi has a lead foot. It was like NASCAR.
Jeez, you're welcome
for driving you all this way.
Hey, um, can you help me figure out
the best route to get home?
Oh, absolutely.
Those GPS computers?
No match for my 76-year-old brain.
Ah, men.
Give me a second. I'm just gonna help
Calbert with the stairs.
I'm fine. I got it.
So, there's a surface street route,
it will shave four minutes off your trip.
This isn't actually about directions.
Oh. Well, can I tell you anyway?
It's genius.
No.
This is about Calbert.
He has a problem,
and because of HIPAA laws,
I am legally not allowed
to discuss this problem with anyone.
- So I won't.
- Okay.
In unrelated news, how is your hip?
My hip? It's fine.
I had it replaced a few years ago.
Smart, because for men of your age,
it's really important
to address hip problems.
Yes, it is.
If I, theoretically,
had a friend who had a bad hip,
I would theoretically encourage him
to get it replaced,
but theoretical people
can be very stubborn.
I understand what you're saying,
and I will work on him.
We aren't being watched
by the feds, Charles.
I know.
It's just a really fun thing to do.
[both chuckle]
- [door closes]
- [Charles] Oh.
Didi, I'd like to introduce you
to Mona Margadoff.
Oh, you are the famous Didi
from Pacific View,
and you still talk to Charles?
Water under the bridge.
I was dropping off Calbert.
What are you doing for Thanksgiving?
I don't have family in the area,
so I usually work.
Eff that. Join us.
Oh. No.
Oh no, come on.
We have tons of food.
Stay for an hour at least.
- We could tag team.
- Good idea.
- Thanks.
- Yay.
Saw a raccoon over there.
You wanna invite the raccoon to dinner?
I know you're kidding,
but that would be adorable.
[upbeat jazz music playing]
So there's a Greek diner
just off of the highway
that sells pecan pie,
but apparently, it has lamb in it.
Does your mom's recipe happen to have?
- Yeah, no, I
- Uh, Dad's tie got a little messed up.
Whoa. How did that happen?
It's not my fault.
You never told me
I couldn't use it to catch birds.
- Sure. No, that's on us.
- Mm-hm.
Okay, go into your grandpa's closet
and grab another one.
[heavy sigh]
- And don't catch birds with it.
- [doorbell rings]
- Ah. Welcome.
- Hi. Thanks for having us.
- Sorry for crashing.
- [Charles] No, come in, come in.
Okay, Mona, Charles.
Uh, that's my mom, Vanessa,
Apollo, Megan,
and this is everyone.
So, uh, Julie freaked out
and called you too, huh?
- She did indeed.
- Okay. [chuckles]
Um, thank you for having us.
I brought a lasagna.
Thank you. Thank you. Excellent.
[Mona] Apollo, I can take that for you.
Oh! Oh, I'm sorry. This isn't food.
This is Joni Mitchell, my guinea pig.
I would have left her at home,
but she's been crapping blood all night.
She'll be dead within the hour.
So I want to maybe do a Viking funeral,
if you've got a bow and arrow
and some kerosene, maybe.
Everyone.
Guys, I just want
to say a little something.
Um
Thanksgiving has always been
a special day in our in our family.
And we just want to say
we're glad that you all could come.
That's it. Welcome.
Thank you.
Thanks for hosting, Dad.
Yeah, thanks for having us.
- Who are you?
- Larkin.
She's my friend. I met her on Snapchat.
But you've never met her in real life?
Snap is real life.
Oh my God, Jace.
You cannot invite random girls
to Grandpa's for Thanksgiving
without telling anyone.
- Why not?
- Because that's not how society works.
I told her she could sing a song later.
Is that cool?
Okay, that's very obviously not cool,
and you need to go tell her
she can't sing a song.
- Go on.
- [Jace] Okay.
There are three stores within ten
minutes. I'm gonna go to all of them.
Okay. You're the best.
Just get every pecan pie you can find.
I will taste them all and see
which one's closest to my mom's.
- Okay.
- Oh. And get Advil.
I feel like I'm gonna
need a lot of Advil.
Okay, so improvising here.
I'm gonna figure out
the new seating plan.
Can you take over making
the Nieuwendyk punch?
All the ingredients
are here on the counter.
Just mix them all together, add ice.
And can you also put the trays
of pigs in a blanket in the oven
as soon as it heats up?
Sure, but this is fun, right?
Yeah, no. Yeah, absolutely.
- Stop.
- No.
Hey, I'm sorry I've been running around.
- Happy Thanksgiving, buddy.
- You too.
I was hoping to watch the game,
but an actual game.
Oh, sorry, yeah. I can get rid of them.
No, no, no, they're having fun.
Uh, you have another TV somewhere?
Uh, yeah, downstairs guestroom,
but I'm not so sure that's a
Oh. Perfect, thanks.
[worms shouting]
[Wyatt] Yes!
[TV] Worm down!
Does that say "worm down"?
Yeah, it's a touchdown for worms.
Oh, sorry. Yeah, silly question.
[TV] I don't know,
Jim. I just don't know.
[quietly] Pum, pum, pum, pum
[mysterious music playing]
Play football game.
Play football game.
You okay, Calbert?
Trying to figure out
a way to watch the game on my phone,
but I think it's broken.
Oh, Nico, come here.
You're a young person.
Here, take Calbert's phone and set it up
so he can watch the football game.
Okay.
Why are you hiding in this hallway?
Kind of a long story.
My mom used to make this pecan pie
every year, and I fell down on the job,
so I am hunting
for a replacement, I guess.
Winchester's Bakery.
Your dad took me there once.
It's about 20 minutes away.
They have every pie imaginable.
You're a lifesaver.
Thanks. Okay.
Here. Also, your flashlight was on.
Your credit card expired on Uber,
so I switched it
to the new one that ends in 1108.
Also, have you played Worm War Three?
I downloaded it.
We're worm pals now.
Your handle is CalbertTheWormGod.
"Worm God"?
Charles, where do you
keep your loose hay?
I I don't have any loose hay.
Really?
A classy guy like you, and no loose hay?
That is wild.
You're blowing my mind right now.
Okay, follow-up question.
What about like a cloth napkin
or something?
Anything I can fashion
into a guinea pig diaper?
You know what? Don't even worry about it.
Now I am worried
about it. What are you
- Hey, Apollo. Talk for a second?
- Yeah, sure.
I'll be right back. Ow!
Please, both of you, be normal.
I am! He's the guy
that doesn't have loose hay.
[Julie] Just, please.
The Nieuwendyks are nice
and well-adjusted.
And we, on the other hand,
are criminals and weirdos.
So we're gonna smile,
and we're gonna nod,
and we're gonna keep all the weirdness
and family skeletons
in the closet where they belong.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Hello, Didi. How are you?
Hey, Julie. I'm great.
Just lurking in the shadows,
plotting your downfall.
- Mm. Very funny.
- Mmm.
Listen, I would really appreciate it
if you didn't tell anybody
about that
misunderstanding that we had.
Clearly, I was wrong to suggest
that you were playing
some kind of vindictive long game.
Thank you for saying that.
Although it is a little strange
that you're here.
Know what? I'm gonna get outta here.
- Perfect, yeah.
- Goodbye.
- Who are you? Keep your mouth shut.
- About what?
I don't know. Everything.
You have snitch energy.
- Mom!
- See?
I was right.
- You heading out?
- Yeah.
- You work with Julie?
- Eight years.
Julie's weird, right?
Oh my God, so weird.
Yeah, the weirdest.
Oh, I could tell you stories.
Oh, I have time for a few stories.
Okay.
Hey, this is fun.
- Yeah.
- Oh, pigs in a blanket.
[sighs] So sorry. I forgot.
But the punch.
It turns out that Apollo
is a master mixologist,
so I set him up to make people drinks.
Try this.
I call it the horny robot.
The recipe came to me
in a harrowing nightmare.
Oh, that's great.
So, we work the case
for like three months.
Solve it, whatever.
Literally, two years later,
I find out that the client, Wendy,
was her old gymnastics coach,
and that Julie was
nationally ranked in high school.
- What?
- [laughing] Yes.
- And she had never told you?
- [laughing] No.
And she was literally recruited
by Cirque du Soleil.
They only rejected her
because she lacked whimsy.
[both chuckling quietly]
Why do we have to learn calculus?
When are we gonna use that?
- Bro, I feel the same way about English.
- Yeah.
- Vanessa, how you doing?
- Great.
I was just gonna heat up the lasagna.
Oh, yeah. Let me
Hey, how did you meet Apollo, exactly?
Ah. Have you ever heard of Hinge?
Sure.
Well, I saved him
from being mugged by his Hinge date.
What, sorry?
Yeah, he was straight-up getting mugged.
I roughed her up a little bit,
ran her off, and I walked him home.
We started chatting.
He made me laugh,
and that's how it started.
- Fun.
- [Vanessa laughs]
Um, thanks again for having us.
It's so nice
for all three of us to be together
Oh my God!
What the hell?
[Charles] Oh wow.
So, I think what just happened
was you accidentally made
a lasagna battery.
A what?
Yeah, I've heard of this.
The, the steel pan acts as the cathode,
and the aluminum foil is the anode,
and then all the acid and the salt
in the lasagna is the electrolyte.
So, a current just runs
all through it like that.
All this blue stuff
is actually aluminum corrosion.
I gotta tell you,
from an engineering standpoint,
this is pretty neat.
[Vanessa sniffles]
Just, um, please just throw it away.
Oh. No, no, no.
This, this will taste,
I swear, just as good.
We'll wipe off the corrosion. It'll be
No, it's just that Julie thinks
that I'm a screw-up
because, traditionally, I am a screw-up,
and this is gonna
confirm her worst fears.
Please [clears throat]
just toss it. [sniffles]
Okay.
Oh, damn it, Nieuwendyk.
Ugh! Get it together.
Mom, what did you do?
No, no, no, it this is me. This is me.
I am so sorry, Vanessa.
I I picked up the pan,
and I was gonna put it in the oven,
but my hands were wet.
This it looked delicious.
Oh, what an idiot.
It's okay.
Accidents happen.
I'll get a mop.
And I'll ask the neighbors
if we can use their trampoline later.
Thank you.
Accidents happen.
So, she's like, "Drop this off
at my former friend Michael's house,
and if he asks how I'm doing,
say I'm doing bad and it's his fault."
So, I get there, and it's Michael Phelps.
[both laughing]
Can I ask, does she have, like,
any kind of life outside the office?
College buddies? Anything?
Other than what appears
to have been a brief friendship
with Olympic hero Michael Phelps, no.
She had a girlfriend
for, like, a week in 2019,
but then that woman
sent her two texts in the same day,
and Julie felt smothered.
Wow.
It is nice to receive confirmation
that she is a grade-A weirdo.
I'll tell you, though,
I would never work for anyone else.
After all that? Why?
A couple of years ago, my dad got sick.
He's fine now, but I
asked for a week off.
She wrote me a check
for three months' salary
and said, "Come back when you're ready."
And then last year,
my ex-boyfriend "borrowed" my car
and refused to give it back.
Julie said, "I'll handle it."
And I don't know what she did,
but that shit got handled.
I got the car back
with a handwritten apology,
and I never heard from him again.
Somewhere down deep in there
is a sweet, generous person.
And once she picks you,
she's got your back for life.
- [jazz music playing]
- [Mona and Vanessa laughing]
Hey, I've really enjoyed
getting to know your mom.
She's so sweet.
Yeah, yeah, so sweet.
So normal.
Just a sweet,
normal mom.
- [Emily] Uh-huh?
- [Julie] Uh-huh.
[door closes]
[gasps] Hi.
Okay, okay, if I may.
Thank you.
Time for
my favorite Thanksgiving tradition.
We go around the table and everyone says
what they're grateful for.
Everybody always says
what they're thankful for.
I have a better idea.
Let's all go around and everybody name
the best concert they ever saw.
[Mona laughs]
So 1977, I saw the Ramones
at the Rainbow Theatre in London.
They blew the doors off the place.
It was incredible.
Wow.
Or say anything cool.
Your favorite band, your favorite color,
your favorite shape, anything.
I'll go. Favorite band, Maroon 5.
Favorite color, maroon.
Favorite number, 1,000.
I'll say what I'm thankful for.
My boss, Julie, my friend, Charles,
and my new friend, Didi.
[Megan chuckles]
Your new friend?
What were you guys talking about?
- Nothing.
- Can I speak to you for a second?
- No, thank you.
- [Vanessa] I'd like to go, if I may.
I'm thankful for a lot, actually.
I'm thankful for Charles
and Mona and their hospitality.
I'm thankful for Apollo, my best friend.
But mostly, I'm thankful for Julie,
my daughter.
[everyone] Aw.
We didn't get to have
nice Thanksgivings like this
when she was growing up,
so this feels really special.
- Yay.
- [Emily] That's nice.
Tell them why.
Go ahead. Tell them
why we didn't have Thanksgivings.
Oh
Do it, seriously.
It's a really good story.
Well, when Julie and her sister
were very young,
my husband left, and I was scared.
I had no idea how
I was going to pay for two kids.
I went to a bar,
and a guy started hitting on me,
waving a wad of cash,
offering to buy me a drink.
And I thought,
"I don't want your drinks,
but I do want your money."
I said to the bartender,
"Hey, if you pour me water
instead of vodka,
we'll wait till he wears himself out
and we'll split the money 50-50."
He drank booze, I drank water.
He got frustrated,
paid the bill, and took off.
And the bartender gave me $30,
and I used it
to buy the girls' school supplies.
And then what?
I pulled that scam a few more times and
moved on to more serious stuff.
Stole credit card numbers,
taught myself how to pickpocket,
started forging checks.
I told myself that I was doing it
for the girls.
But the truth is
I enjoyed it.
It was exciting.
And then,
one day it caught up to me.
And when Julie was about 12,
I was arrested.
I was 11.
I was 11 years old.
And I opened the door,
and the cops were there
and led you away in handcuffs.
Julie, I'm so sorry.
And then I went down
to the police station,
and they started
to ask me questions about my mom
and the crimes she had committed.
I spent my life trying
to make it up to you.
There's no point.
It's why I don't trust anyone.
It's why I've never been
in a real relationship.
No matter what you say
or what you do or how normal you act,
it'll never be normal.
And that's all I ever wanted,
was to be normal.
[Emily sobs]
Oh my God, I'm sorry.
I'm so embarrassed.
This is not about me,
and I know that. I just
I really miss my mom.
Oh, honey.
[door opens, closes]
[Joel] It's fine.
[melancholy note plays on guitar]
Is this not the right time?
- [melancholy music playing]
- [insects chirping]
Good night, Vanessa. Good night, Apollo.
Good night, Joni Mitchell.
Oh, thanks so much for having us.
I know Joni had a great time.
Didn't you, Joni? Oh, whoa.
This is turkey leftovers.
Joni's in the fridge.
I'll be right back.
I don't know what to say.
I'm so embarrassed.
Oh, don't be.
And this thing with Julie,
it's gonna get better.
You're very sweet,
but I don't think it will.
I just don't think she'll ever be able
to forgive me, and that is my fault.
So, anyway
Happy Thanksgiving.
Okay, I found her.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
- Thanks again.
- Mm.
[door closes]
Well, I wanted drama and excitement.
Be careful what you wish for, I guess.
Are you angry with me?
Just sad.
Sad, how?
I didn't ask you for much tonight.
Just your time and attention
for a couple of hours
to meet and get to know
the people I care about.
And I did.
You didn't. You plainly didn't.
You designed your own evening
and dragged me into it.
[sad music playing]
Some things in my life,
some people in my life are nonnegotiable.
You have to understand that.
[Emily] Waiting for your ride?
Yeah, it's taking forever.
I can never be outside a major city.
Things are so goddamn inefficient.
So, how long was it?
After your mom
got arrested before you two talked again?
I don't know, six years.
Longest I ever went was five weeks.
I marked the days on my bedroom wall
like some old-timey prisoner.
Like, line, line, line, line, slash.
And then when we finally made up,
I felt so dumb, like
I lost five weeks of time with her.
I forget.
What was your mom in jail for?
Fair enough.
It's not the same.
I'm not saying that it is.
No, you know what? Screw that.
It is the same on some level.
It's a mother and a daughter,
and it's complex,
and shit goes sideways,
but it's a mom who loves her daughter,
and she's in pain, and you're in pain.
And yes, what happened to you is real,
and it sucks.
It's so unfair, and you have
every right to be so angry, but
you only get one mom.
And I miss mine every day.
So if there is a one-in-a-billion chance
that you can repair
your relationship with her,
I think you should take it.
[sighs]
[car door opens]
[cell phone pings]
[cell phone pings]
- [cell phone pings]
- [sniffles]
[sighs]
[sniffles]
[sighs heavily]
I need to apologize.
You absolutely do not. I do.
I screwed this night up so badly,
and I feel like shit.
- Hence
- [Emily chuckles]
This is incredible, by the way.
Your mom must have been
a really great baker.
She was, but that is not her pie.
I actually debated for days
whether to even make it or not.
Was worried it might cause my dad
to get sad.
[Mona] Mm.
Or cry.
Or cry at dinner
and ruin the entire evening.
I mean, how embarrassing would that be?
- Wait till you taste that.
- Hi. Oh, I can't wait.
- Oh, come on, Calbert.
- Calbert, try this.
- Dig in, man.
- Mm. Oh my God.
- That is so good.
- [Mona] Right? I know.
Wait, are all pecan pies just good?
I mean, maybe my mom
was just an average baker.
Oh, I'm sure she was great.
She married your father.
That was a smart move.
And you turned out pretty well.
[Emily laughs]
Yeah, I feel like she nailed it.
- [Calbert] Mm.
- She was a wonderful person.
Tell us about her.
What do you want to know?
[Mona] I don't know. Anything.
What were her favorite concerts,
favorite shapes?
[all laugh]
- Gum flavors?
- Flavors?
Okay, favorite shapes.
Um, well, my dad's
is definitely a circle.
That man loves a Venn diagram.
I mean, he used to make them all the time
whenever I was making a decision.
Like when I chose Wheeler College.
- Nothing wrong with a good Venn diagram.
- No. Boo. Nobody likes a math nerd.
[Charles and Emily chuckle]
Your mom's favorite was triangles.
That's right.
You made her a triangle pillow once
in middle school.
[Emily] Mm-hm.
- The three points were her, me, and you.
- Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Mm.
[Calbert] Um, speaking of pillows,
I think Joni Mitchell, the guinea pig,
did a number on your couch.
- Oh, for
- Oh, no.
You guys, Apollo, what is the deal there?
Oh, who knows?
[all laughing]
- I think he's great.
- He is. I mean
Oh my God, he asked me for loose hay.
["Scarlet Begonias (Live at Barton Hall)"
by Grateful Dead plays]
As I was walkin'
'Round Grosvenor Square ♪
Not a chill to the winter
But a nip to the air ♪
Sub extracted from file & improved by
From the other direction
She was calling my eye ♪
It could be an illusion
But I might as well try ♪
Might as well try ♪
Got rings on her fingers
And bells on her shoes ♪
And I knew, without askin'
She was into the blues ♪
She wore scarlet begonias
Tucked into her curls ♪
I knew right away
She was not like other girls ♪
Other girls ♪
In the heat of the evening
When the dealing got rough ♪
She was too pat to open
And too cool to bluff ♪
As I picked up my matches
And was closing the door ♪
I had one of those flashes
I'd been there before ♪
Been there before ♪