Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s02e05 Episode Script

1
It would seem
we have lost
the lost treasure
of q'in shi'huang.
On the bright side,
however,
Jackie chan has done me
a tremendous favor
by eliminating
my albatross.
Albatross?
Thought shendu
was a dragon.
Which means we now have
exclusive access to
Some very potent magic.
Jade: Jackie.
We can't move back
to uncle's.
It reeks in there--
like mung beans
and mothballs.
And it's totally boring.
Jade, you say boring
àlike it's a bad thing.
Aw!
Jackie!
Uncle! We're
moving back in.
Ow!
You cannot move back!
Why not?
Where will tohru sleep?
You've been jacked.
Oh, well. Guess we'll
just have to stay
in our supersecret
underground base.
Jade, there's no reason
for us to live
in section 13 anymore.
Are you sure
about that?
Valmont's still at large,
remember?
I am an archeologist,
not a secret agent.
What about the talismans?
Buried in the earth,
along with shendu
and his palace.
But what makes you so sure
we've seen the last
of the big, bad dragon?
Once I make
Jackie chan pay,
I shall tear that buffoon
valmont to pieces.
Silence!
The only future you have
is here, with us
Brother.
Indeed.
Let the eternal torment begin.
Torment?
Eternal?
To punish your
betrayal, shendu.
You chose to spend
your time ruling China.
While we withered
in this bone-dry pit.
Bored out of our wits
all those centuries,
each exactly like
the one before it.
You never even
attempted to free us.
Uh
Your rescue was in
the planning stages,
but I became imprisoned
in a statue.
Excuses!
You desired
the earthly realm
for you alone.
Gaaah!
A shame you never learned
to share, brother.
No! Wait!
ICan free you.
Do not toy with us.
The doors can only be opened
from the other side.
The human side.
Precisely.
As the humble spirit
you now see before you,
I am free to cross over
and possess
any human I wish,
enabling me to undo
the sacred spells
which keep you here
If you so deem it.
12 talismans,
4 enforcers--
3 each.
Uh, boss?
There's only 3 of us
since tohru cashed in
his frequent-flier miles.
So I'll just hang on
to these.
Hungry crane spear fish!
Agh!
(Growling)
Everyone remembers hak foo?
Ha ha. Hiya, hak.
Or do you
prefer "foo"?
Valmont: Master foo.
The black tiger shall be
your new lieutenant.
Jade: Ooh!
Section 13
is so cool.
Careful.
Positronic shock wave
will atomize your brain.
Hey, kepler.
Whatcha workin' on?
Solid-state,
particle-beam-driven,
high-density,
hypnosis-inducing
phase shifter.
2-speed.
Uh, sounds complicated.
(Chuckles)
Hardly.
Ooh. When are you gonna
finish your jet pack?
Whoa!
Yesterday.
(Humming a tune)
Jackieee!
Not now, Jade.
I'm bus--Jade!
Whoa!
Hey!
Ohh!
Waaah!
Jade, what are you--
talk later!
Sorry!
Sorry!
Whoa!
Waah!
Ceiling!
Wah!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Jackie: Make it stop!
Make it stop!
Oh. Stop.
Whew!
Whew!
Yaah!
Yaah!
Unh!
Uhh!
Heh. Talk now?
Jade, you should never
play with things
you don't know
how to work.
I didn't know
I didn't know.
Now I do.
Well, perhaps
now you know
why we have to leave
section 13.
But tohru will have
nowhere to sleep.
I found a very charming
apartment for us.
They allow children
and pets,
but no secret agents,
dark hand thugs,
or magic talismans.
(Alarm sounds)
Jackie!
- Robbery in progress.
Financial district.
It's the dark hand.
UhGood luck
with that?
They're packin' heat--
talisman heat.
(Explosion)
Aah! Aah!
Watch out! Help!
Me strong like ox.
Freeze!
Ooph!
Ohh!
Watch out.
Snake in the grass.
And this little piggy
went to market.
Hyah!
Astral projection?
Motion to the motionless?
Yin Yang?
How come I get
all the loser powers?
Mule kick. Hah!
No fair.
You're not even using yours.
The horse for healing?
I am not easily injured.
The rooster for levitation?
I already fly.
The dog for immortality?
There is not a man alive
who can vanquish me.
It's cool.
Trade ya.
Baby.
Score!
(Alarm)
Movie it! Move it!
Move it! Move it!
Go!
Come on!
I know you're eager to get on
with your life, my friend,
but you know more about
these talismans than anyone.
But--
I need you, Jackie
One last time.
(Sighs) One last time.
Just when you
think you're out,
they pull you
back in.
So can I--
no.
No.
(Grunts)
Didn't even let me ask.
And if I didn't ask,
how am I supposed to know
what they said no to?
Ahem!
Hey, kepler,
how does this work?
Ignition, steering,
throttle, brakes.
Grazie.
Ha ha! We're like
superheroes
Who steal stuff.
(Loud rumbling)
Freeze!
Step away
from the vehicle.
Hyah!
Here's lookin' at ya.
Oh, look, ma--
no hands.
(Out of breath)
Bad day.
Shendu: So, I trust
you would agree
that my, uh
Martyrdom
has left a void
for a new, stronger evil
to fill--
namely you,
- my brothers and sisters.
Shall I proceed, then?
What trick is this?
You have proven
crafty, brother,
so we require
a safety measure.
Our spell
will keep you bound
within the human
of your choosing
until
you release us.
A precaution
so that we know exactly
where to find you.
In the event we
deem it necessary
to resume your
eternal torment.
I accept your terms.
I will choose
my vessel well
to best serve you,
and the human most capable
for this task
is my Nemesis--
Jackie chan.
Ooh, rabbit for speed.
Immortality
and healing?
That's redundant.
Ooh!
(Moaning)
I'll swap you.
Take Mr. ed.
Hey, my headache's gone.
You dirty rats!
Let's go!
Go!
Let's move!
That'll do, pig.
That'll do.
All agents, fall back!
Repeat: Fall back!
One last time.
Jackie, I said fall back!
That means you, too!
I'm not an agent.
(Gasping for breath)
Need a lift?
I told you
never to play with things
you don't know how to--
ignition, steering,
throttle, brakes.
(Stammers)
Faster.
Whoa. That is weird.
Lose them.
Can't tail
what you can't see.
Whoa!
Huh?
It was worth a shot.
Jackie!
Aah! Hot! Hot! Hot!
Heads up!
Aah!
(Gasps) Look out!
Yeah, like
- I'm gonna fall for tha--
(groaning)
Immortality hurts.
Chan!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Get your mitts off of me!
Blast him!
Walrus!
Walrus?
Change him back.
(Cell phone rings)
What is taking you so long?
Uh, flat tire?
Yaaah!
You seek the talismans?
One on one.
2 on one.
2 1/2.
(Engine revs)
Aaah!
Black tiger
crushes bald eagle.
Ohh!
(Moaning)
Angry crow takes flight!
Ye-aah!
Bye-bye.
Have a nice day.
Uh-oh.
Payback time!
Jade, what are you doing?
I can take him.
I can fly!
No! Jade! Jade!
Stop!
Well, well.
Hyah!
Oof!
(Moaning)
Huh?
Gas? Kepler never
mentioned fill-ups.
Jade!
Jackie: Jade!
Valmont: Hyah!
What?
Oof! Unh!
(Shendu's voice)
No!
Aah!
(Both groaning)
(Grunting)
No!
Trapped within this
proven failure of an Ally.
(Groaning)
All the more reason
to hasten my quest.
(Gasps)
No.
We have more important matters
to attend to. Get in!
We'll just
grab the loot and--
no loot! Get in now!
Really?
Sore throat, boss?
You don't sound too good.
(Groaning)
(Valmont's voice)
Why are you standing there?
Collect the cash!
But you said--
are you questioning me?
Where are you going?
Come here,
or I shall destroy you all.
(Grunting)
Yo, wait up!
Ohh!
Black here.
Need transport back to hq.
And to Chinatown.
I'll have Jade
spend the night
at uncle's.
Jade: I heard that!
It doesn't make sense.
We were down for the count.
Why leave the spoils?
Finn: We must have left
millions on that beach.
What is the deal, big v?
Aah!
Shendu: Valmont
cannot hear you.
(Gasps)
Uh-oh.
Shendu?
(Singsong)
He's back.
Your talismans,
Mr. shendu.
We was taking care
of 'em for ya.
We'll just, uh,
be on our way.
Keep your talismans.
They no longer matter to me.
(Groaning)
Valmont: How did I--
where is the money?
Uh, big v,
shendu's back.
What?! Where?!
Inside you.
That's preposter--
aah! Aah!
Get out!
Shendu:
Trust me, valmont,
the feeling is mutual,
but for now,
you and your thugs
will assist me
or perish.
Whoa!
Got it!
We're swinging
to your beat.
Uncle: Uncle is not
running a hotel!
Jade!
Help tohru make your bed.
I'll take it
from here, t.
(Doorbell rings)
Aiyaah!
We are closed!
Aah! Uhh
Uhh
Master?
(Groaning)
I will show you the door!
Uhh!
Aah!
Uhh!
(Groans)
(Singsong)
Oh, Jackie
Jade: Valmont's inside,
and he tossed tohru
like a feather.
He must have
the talismans.
Stay with uncle.
Aw!
Ohh
Talismans, right?
Black: Gone.
Why did he take
one of uncle's books?
(Both gasp)
But I don't understand.
Valmont can't summon
the shadowkhan.
Only shendu.
Shendu:
Reports of my demise
have been greatly
exaggerated, chan.
Whoa.
(Gasps)
Destroy them.
Hey, Jackie
if you could have
any one of the talismans,
which one would you want?
Not just one.
I think lifting--
everything.
Yeah.
I want to be fly,
I want to be fast,
I want to be invincible.
If I really can have
all the talismans,
wow!
You can imagine
how many things
I can do.
I almost can save
the whole world.