Neon Joe, Werewolf Hunter (2015) s02e05 Episode Script

1
Previously on
"Neon Joe, Werewolf he-yump"
Make love to me, Joe.
Oh, he-yump!
Oh, he-yump! Oh, oh!
You sound like a man
whose heart's been broken.
You leave Barbara out of this!
You stole my ex-wife
and left her for dead!
Joe, don't leave me!
The military felt
that it would be better
to rebuild me than repair me,
so I told them
to make me into a man.
When the hearts of
40 werewolves come together,
they form
an all-powerful cube,
summoning the moon
towards Earth.
You must castrate the cube
in order to kill it.
Your old rings.
Put them on.
When you two were in love
and at the peak of your werewolf
hunting abilities,
you were unstoppable.
What about me?
Just walk away, friend.
Just walk away.
You're working
with the werewolves?
There will be a race
of super-powerful werewolves.
I'd be fool not
to work with them.
I'll be running the show
from now on.
I ain't been on a road trip
in a long time.
Cars are cool now
GPS, seats that heat your butt,
movies in the headrest
for the kids.
Hey, we should have kids.
You know, while you
still can physically,
and while I still
shootin' silver bullets.
I mean, who knows
how they turn out, right?
Maybe they grow up to be cool.
Maybe grow up
to be little A-holes.
But that's what
having kids all about.
Stick it in, roll the dice.
I've hacked into
the military server.
I'm just trying to get
to Daggart's personal files.
Welcome back, Colonel Daggart.
Bingo, I'm in.
How we gonna get to you,
asshole?
Huh. Interesting.
It says he likes
to carbo-load before battles.
Oh!
What the hell, Joe?!
♪♪
Daggart!
You hit the carb on the load.
♪♪
Here you go, hon.
Mmm!
Soup in a bread bowl
and another milkshake.
Thanks, Jen.
Everything is delicious.
Oh, good.
Mmm.
That look good.
Yeah, I do love me
a good soup in a bread bowl.
What you got there,
a buckwheat rye or sourdough?
Hmm.
I'll take that.
Nice try.
Oh.
Cool space gun.
Don't you be doing nothing dumb
like trying to transform
into a werewolf
or nothing like that
up in he-yump.
Here you go, sweetie.
Thanks, Jen.
Mm-hmm.
Anything for you, folks?
No, thank you.
I'll actually have a shrimp po' boy.
Mm-hmm.
If you got tartar sauce,
put that on the side, please.
I'll take a lettuce,
tomato, and onion. Mm-hmm.
Sweet potato tater tots
would be good.
Just well done, a little
extra crispy on the outside
You know, when you crack it open
in half and it get all steamy
but the inside is soft.
Mm-hmm.
Watermelon basil lemonade
and a little bit of ice.
But don't overdo it
with the ice.
Come on. Give me
Give me the juice.
Got you.
Coming right up, darling.
Fries for the table.
Help yourselves.
Congrats on escaping the cave.
Of course we escaped the cave.
We in love.
Pfft. Love.
I've done 40 years military-grade
couples counseling.
Dirty little secret I learned
Love is a hoax.
Relationships are just a way
for one person
to control another.
Like the way Barbara did.
Who's this Barbara?
You leave Barbara out of this!
What's your end game, Daggart?
What kind of dingo
are you dangling?
Give up on love.
Let's destroy the cube
and rule the world together
as bachelors and bachelorette.
Nations would cower at our army
of super werewolves
and be in awe of our
self-reliant singles mind-set.
Break up and join me.
Jose.
What?
That's short for,
"No way, amigo."
What are you scared of?
Think about it.
The three of us
could rule as one!
Break up with her.
Do it now!
Dump her and join me.
Jose.
Tell him you need your space
and gain the world.
Jose.
Pathetic.
You just threw away
your last chance at happiness.
Don't say I didn't warn you
when you drive yourselves insane
arguing about how someone loaded
the dishwasher!
Hi, Joe.
Hey, babe.
Just walk away, you said.
Just walk away, he said.
Well, I didn't walk away!
Plaid Jeff never walks
away from a fight!
Don't worry.
I'm not gonna hurt you.
I'm here for this.
Keys, please.
Don't be a hero.
Can't not be what I is.
That be like me telling you
don't keep coming
in second place in life
all the time.
All right.
Give me the damn keys.
Be cool, Joe Cocker.
Did you have to go
and rub it in?
Oh, come on. That's he
and I's combative dynamic.
It's just guys being guys.
Sick of it.
Let's get Daggart's keys
and get out of here.
Yeah, don't worry, babe,
'cause, uh
we ketchup.
Oh, man!
Some of his blood
must have got in there!
Ruin my cool pun.
Over there! Over there!
Come on, come on, come on!
Faster, faster!
Move, move!
Flowers there
and more champagne.
The moon is coming!
Final spritz!
I'm lubed up and ready, moon!
Ha ha!
Well, here it is, babe
Home, sweet he-yump.
Not bad, right?
I see somebody's been keeping
you company while I was gone.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I got the paper cuts
on my dick to prove it.
Took a while for them to scab up
on account of they don't really
make Band-Aid
for the penile region
of doing them,
you know,
the knuckle Band-Aid.
That work good,
but then I gotta, like,
pull it down to pee,
pull it back up.
I went through
a whole lot of Band-Aid.
Joe, what are we doing here?
Come on, now.
Don't tell me that you, uh
forgot
our pre-hunt ritual.
No.
We are not having sex.
There's no time.
Come on, babe.
You know there's no better way
to consummate things
than by launching
ourselves into battle
with a simultaneous
orgas-he-yump.
Don't you remember
what it was like?
Being all filled up
with a lot of Joe.
Deep inside.
Hot throbbing stiff.
I mean, yeah, we'll be tired,
but we'll be satisfied
and unstoppable.
Okay.
Oh, he-yump.
Yeah.
You gonna like this bed.
Yeah, I mean, it not
the greatest mattress,
but, you know, since we gonna
be quick, it's gonna be fine.
It'll do the job.
What the he-yump?!
Jeff!
What are you doing here?!
I just couldn't shake
you guys' relationship.
All I wanted to do
when I saw you at the bar
was get a rise out of you.
Yeah, well, Joe's about
as cool a cuc as they come.
So how about you
give me that sword,
let this cumber do the job?
Let me just throw
something out there
that I've been thinking on.
If you two are such a powerful
werewolf-hunting couple,
imagine how much
more powerful we'd be
as a threesome.
I know I'll never get you back,
but if we teamed up,
the lust,
the passion, the jealousy
Think of all the killings
we could accomplish.
And the orgasms.
Normally, I would not
even consider this
for a second, but, uh
given the dire state
of the world as it is,
I find myself
with a semi-chub.
Babe?
I'm game if you are.
I'm about to explode
just thinking about it!
All right.
Let's go!
"Three way" on three.
One, two, three.
Three way!
Three way! Three way!
Ready or not,
here I he-yump.
Now there is the Joe I remember.
Looking good, partner.
Appreciate that, Plaid Jeff.
And, hey, uh
congrats.
For what?
You finally got
a rise out of me.
Before we go,
just one more thing.
Let's make it official.
I got this made just in case
you guys said yes.
All right. Now let's
go chop this cube's nuts!
Wait.
Where's the sword?
I set it next to that couch.
All right, now h-h-hold up.
Let's just retrace our step.
Hold up before we panic.
Um, now let's see.
W-W-We decided on the three way.
Yeah. Yeah.
Got undressed.
Yeah. Yeah.
Got in bed.
Yeah. Yeah.
Lubed up.
Yeah. Yeah.
Plaid Jeff, I started sucking your toes.
Yeah. Yeah.
Babe, you was massaging my
devil's onion ring. Yeah. Yeah.
I stuck my onion ring in
your barbecue sauce. Yeah.
Then Yuri did
a reach-around.
Yu Yu
Yuri!
Well, well, well.
Look who finally
showed up for the fight.
You enjoy
Yuri's reach-around?
I don't know who I grabbed,
but it was small.
So must have been Joe!
Yeah, funny.
That was
a quality reach-around,
I'll give you that.
You a sneaky little Russki,
getting that werewolf heart
and that sword.
But tonight,
all good things must come
to an end.
You cannot stop inevitable.
I will finally get the love
I have not felt
since I first
laid foot on Earth.
Yeah, you just one man, Yuri.
We a team now.
We go together like peanut,
butter, and he-yump.
I'm glad you guys work it out.
But why is it you
who gets to decide
whose love is denied?
'Cause we just killed America's
top couples counselor.
And we're taking over the title.
Even as a team,
you cannot take on
super werewolves.
Oh, shit!
Who let the wolves out?
I did.
I know you did.
That That was
just rhetorical.
Talk about that song
"Who Let the Dogs Out?"
It even catchy
when you say "wolves."
Stay close.
Let's do our signature move.
Go!
Huh?
Aah!
Whew.
Oh.
Yeah, this thing cool.
You was right, Plaid Jeff.
As a threesome,
we twice as nice.
Aah! Please don't castrate
the cube!
I been waiting for so long!
I'll take care of this guy.
You got it, partner.
Let's go, babe!
Hey, uh
Hey, babe?
Babe, real quick.
Uh, this a cool sword, right?
Yeah, cool sword.
And you and I, uh
we make a good werewolf
hunting team, right?
Yeah,
wh-where's this going?
That thing that that Yuri
said about my he-yump, you know,
being like
a little tiny he-yump,
I mean, that ain't true, right?
I'm at least average.
At least if not more.
Could we just go castrate
some moon nuts, please?
Aah!
Oh!
It's Daggart!
Joe,
don't leave me! Oh!
Just go!
I won't leave you!
I can't leave you again!
Oh, God, please!
Okay!
We had a deal.
I didn't think
you'd stick to it!
Aah! I'm just I'm
just confused here,
'cause this is what
happened last time, right?
We had the deal,
then the years later,
you come back as this dude guy,
and you're like,
"Oh, but that's not
what I mean."
Joe, don't worry about
the agreement! Just go!
Okay.
You left me to die.
Triple-checking.
Aah!
All right!
Aah!
He-yump!
♪♪
I'll have one scoop of moon
hold the nuts!
We have some breaking tip for
all you "Buzz" -heads tonight.
NASA has just confirmed
that the moon
is rotating back
to its normal position
and will be moving away
from the Earth.
We're all gonna live!
Oh, babe.
You know that I would have used
all the dick Band-Aids
in the world
if I thought
I could have saved you.
Oh, he-yump.
Oh, he-yump
Ah, heeda, hida, hoda,
hada, heeda,
hada, he-yump!
We closed.
Closed?
I traveled all this way
just for a sip.
What, you come to get
a final rise out of me?
Just came to say goodbye.
What ever happened to Yuri?
Last I remember, you two was off
to the side of the road,
dancing in the moonlight.
Ah, right.
Welp
I stuck the tip
of my long, black member
right in his mouth
and blew my load
all over the back
of the inside of his skull.
You take care, Plaid Jeff.
You too, Neon Joe.
♪♪
Should there be some kind
of acknowledgment
of losing the woman
we both loved?
Seem to me there just was.
Goodbye, French fry.
What?
I don't know.
First thing I thought of.
Seemed cool.
You know, 'cause it rhyme
Bye, fry.
Anyway, you go on, get
'fore we got to hug.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He-yump?
You in he-yump?
Cleve?
Joe! Joe!
Oh!
Neon Joe!
We've been trapped
in here for hours.
We saw a big flash!
What happened?!
That's when came upon
Yuri and all of his, uh
surfer werewolves.
We took them out no problem.
We got this real cool
spin move that we did.
Came across a big field,
see the cube.
Got that big old fancy
he-yump sword.
Did a big old chop.
Chopped off that cube's sac.
That's about
all she he-yump.
And, uh
what about Vance?
Well
I think it's about time
that this pork loin
went back to the barbecue.
Find another fox
to keep me company.
You know, this here
the coolest bar in town.
I'm the reason for that.
We all know it.
Yeah, you are.
But it time to move on.
Cleve
I'm giving you
and Ashley the bar.
The
The tiny towel?
Yep.
This here been, uh
one heck of
a roller-coaster ride.
First it was up
then it came down.
Then it bank hard to the left.
Then it bank hard to the right.
Then it go
a loop-de-loop.
It go up and down.
The centrifugal he-yump,
doing all sorts of stuff
with your mind!
But then I'm going upside down
for a little bit, right?
And you think,
"How am I not falling out
of this
contraption he-yump?"
Then you go up again
and go through the water.
You get all wet.
And when you gonna get
all pissed off about being wet
and then resolving it
with yourself where it's like,
"It ain't no big deal,"
you going up again.
And you go climbing high,
and you come on down
and sneak right back in.
Right back to where
it all started from.
You get out
and kind of do a he-yump.
You jump out, and the people
waiting in line
well, they get their turn.
That sounds like a crazy ride.
Sure is, Cleve.
Hope you enjoy it
as much as I did.
You take care of this place.
I will.
Ashley.
You take care of this guy.
He good meat.
I will, Joe.
Good luck to you, too,
off-camera Chris.
Thanks!
You too!
Well
arrivederci, he-yump.
With the cube
completely neutered
and the moon's backside
back where it belong,
is that the end of werewolf
as we know it?
Or do Joe got one more adventure
in him?
Maybe something involving
snowmobiles or outer space.
That sound cool.
Stay tuned, friends.
And in the meantime,
good night and good he-yump.