Best Medicine (2026) s02e06 Episode Script

1
[Martin]
Previously onBest Medicine
Who am I to interfere?
If you don't want to interfere,
why did you renovate
this entire office,
tell me that I have to dress
like a dental hygienist?
- Michaud.
- You can call me Savannah.
[Martin] Your fox did give six
of our townspeople the plague.
Yeah, well, you should admit
that you actually care
about whoever it is
that you care about.
You should pursue a therapy
degree while you're in jail.
- What's this?
- I found the love letter.
- Wasn't for you.
- It was just always Louisa.
- Oh, come on!
- Whoa, what's the rush?
Well, Martin and I, we are done.
Eden, you are an 11.
[upbeat music]
- [Mark] Doc! Hey.
- Morning, Mark.
Morning. Hey, so, funny thing
happened a couple nights ago.
Well, not funny ha-ha.
More like funny not-ha.
- Got it.
- Like, unexpected.
Like, I didn't expect it.
Yeah, Mark, I know
what unexpected means.
Like, I
I was
And then
Mark, spit it out.
There's this kid
who used to live
on my block named Rex
who had six fingers.
- Can you imagine that?
- No.
It was like, we'd play,
like, Capture the Flag.
"Where you at, Rex?"
And he'd be like, "Here."
[imitating siren]
What was that?
Yeah, I'll be right there.
I gotta go, Doc.
Police business.
Mark, you just made
that sound with your mouth.
- [Mark] No, Doc!
- What are you doing?
- [Mark] He's holding me up.
- Who are you talking to?
- [Mark] You know, I just
- Who are you talking to?
[siren wailing]
[inquisitive music]
[Louisa] Uh-huh.
[Louisa laughing]
[indistinct conversation]
Wanna go to the Salty Breeze?
- [Parker] Yes.
- [Louisa] Okay.
♪
An omelet for Mr. Franklin
and yogurt for the young lady.
I just love the flowers
you have out.
You guys sprucing up
for something?
Yes. We're zhuzhing things up
because we got an anonymous tip
that Carson Macleish is coming.
Who's Carson Macleish?
Just the most important food
critic atThe New York Times.
- Fancy schmancy.
- [Geneva] Ooh!
Tell us what he looks like,
and we'll look out for him.
That's the thing. No one knows.
He lets you know he's coming,
so you're on top of your game,
but he doesn't want you
to know who he is
so you don't treat him
any different.
He could be here right now.
Oh
Uh, we know everyone who's here.
- Well, maybe not now.
- [George shouting]
- [objects clattering]
- Oh!
George is a little tense.
Hey, just came to check
on my guy. How's he doing?
Oh, not good.
You think breaking up with
she-who-shall-not-be-named
- has got him down?
- I don't know,
but he almost bit off
my head this morning
when I told him that Parker
brought in homemade cruffins.
- Oh.
- Wait, did you hear?
- What?
- I got an agent.
Oh, that's great!
I don't know.
Somebody just emailed me back.
- She wants to represent me.
- Wow! From New York?
New Hampshire. She's sending me
an audition today.
Well, that's wonderful
Hey, now.
Watch the toes there, boys.
[Elaine chuckling]
Well,
I see you've wasted no time.
Like she was never here.
And look!
[Sarah laughing]
[Elaine laughing]
Well, you will not
find me crying
into my coffee mug, either.
As long as he's okay.
And how long has your back
been bothering you, Miss
I'm not giving you my name.
All right.
Uh, you won't be able
to file for insurance unless
I'll pay out of pocket.
Okay, then. And your back,
how long has it been
I had a stroke three months ago,
although I'm not sure
what business that is of yours.
Just that I'm a doctor
and you came to see me.
I came here to get
a shot of cortisone.
Dear God, I had a stroke.
I lost use
of my whole left side.
Some idiot physical therapist
named Gretchen
got my movement
partially restored.
I returned to work,
and my back seized up.
And what is your line of work?
None of your beeswax, Doctor.
Fine.
I'll put "Secret Agent 008."
Does that work?
I am a person with cash
here for your services.
I just want a shot of cortisone.
Good Lord.
These small-town doctors are
just glorified veterinarians.
Mm-hmm.
And what does that make you?
Ow!
- [Parker laughing]
- Not amusing.
- I thought it was.
- [both] Shut up.
The next time I spend $200
on a cortisone shot,
it won't be for
a quack like you.
It was truly not a pleasure,
and please let the door
hit you on the way out.
Keep rolling.
Okay. Okay.
Martin.
What the heck
was that all about?
No idea, but it was her fault.
- What do you want?
- Nothing, just checking on you.
Oh, that's delicious.
No, it's not.
Just wanna make sure
you were okay.
- I'm fine. Why should I care?
- Oh, you don't care?
No, none of my business.
It's none of your business
that you and Eden broke up?
Oh, I I thought you meant
Louisa and, uh
Oh. Oh!
Oh, I see.
We're back there again.
That doesn't bother you?
No, not at all. I'm fine.
Yeah. Never better, actually.
[door slams]
[Sarah sighs]
Why didn't you
come see me sooner?
- Well, the new homeopath lady
- What new homeopath lady?
said a candle would burn
all the wax right out.
Well, it almost
burned off half your ear.
That's true. But she also says
she could cure my bloating.
I can too. Stop eating dairy.
You're lactose intolerant.
- But I love cheese.
- You're ridiculous.
I can still hear, you know.
Why are you scribbling?
There's nothing to scribble.
- He is ridiculous.
- Still hearing.
Are you is this going
in my permanent record?
Next knucklehead.
- Where is everyone?
- You actually don't wanna know.
What's the matter, Quincy?
Your gout acting up?
Oh, yeah,
but that's not why I'm here.
Last night,
the nature lady told me
to drink a quart
of tart cherry juice
and to resolve my issues
with my daughter-in-law.
Mm. My stomach is killing me.
Who is this nature lady,
and why would anyone
go to her and not me?
- Gee, Doc, can't imagine.
- Actually, you you know her.
I do?
Well,
I didn't know how to tell you.
Oh, no, Irma.
At first it was fun,
all the one-night stands
and one-day stands
and one-car stands.
Those can get
pretty rough on your back.
Maybe you need
a different kind of girl, Mark.
That's what my mom says.
"A nice quality girl
you could settle down with,
Marky, who lives close."
No more driving 50 miles
for a cup of coffee.
I'm sure you can
rig it on the app.
I did, I did. I just haven't
found the one that
Wait.
Hey, she's cute,
and really close.
And I like that jumpsuit.
I feel like I know her.
Hey, maybe that's how
it's supposed to feel,
like you already
know each other.
- Oh, my.
- What?
- Uh, Savannah?
- Yeah?
Hi, Sheriff.
Hi.
[theme music]
♪
The idiot who smuggled
animals into the country
and gave us all bubonic plague?
- That's the one.
- Doc, we got a problem.
I've got a cold. I'm all foggy.
I can't think.
You've gotta help.
And we have a major
food critic coming.
So what do you want me
to do about it?
What's the best cold remedy?
You gotta clear my head.
- Rest, fluids, time.
- [George] Don't have time!
I've been working for this
my entire life.
ANew York Timesfood critic
coming to eat my food.
Can you think of anything else?
Abracadabra
Poof!
There. You feel better now?
[George scoffs]
Now, Quincy, if anyone drank
a quart of tart cherry juice,
it would give them
a stomachache, okay?
Now, take an antacid,
and if it's not better
in a few hours,
come back and see me.
- Might I offer a suggestion?
- [Martin] No.
- I mean, for your benefit.
- No.
You're a good doctor.
I don't need you
to tell me that.
- But not a good listener.
- Neither are you.
I just said
I don't wanna hear it.
Sometimes all they need
is to be heard.
- And comforted.
- That's not my job.
And yours isn't to lecture me
on bedside manners.
It's to monitor
medical malfeasance.
So if it's okay with you,
I'm gonna go stop an ex-con
lunatic from killing our town.
Cheerio.
[Parker sighs]
[Glendon]
Hey, what's wrong, Eeyore?
Get kicked out
of the Garden of Eden?
- Glendon.
- [chuckles] Eeyore.
You start your chemo yet?
Uh, no. Not yet. I mean
Why not?
Well,
it's none of your business.
Don't tell me you're as stupid
as everyone else in this town.
I've been busy.
I've got a lot to do.
You're not busy.
You have testicular cancer.
Stop being a nitwit
and start your treatment.
You're the one
who needs treatment, Eeyore.
You know,
Eden's better off without you.
Jeez.
♪
Unbelievable.
Hey! Buddy, yes, okay, I'm happy
I ran into you, 'cause I
I need to tell you the thing
that I was trying to tell you
that I couldn't tell you.
So
Okay. So
I Okay. See, I
- I See
- Why don't you tell me
when your brain returns
to your head, all right?
Yeah. Okay.
Yeah. Okay.
[door opens]
Oh, hey, Martin.
You here for a trim?
I'm here for
the quack in the back.
Hey! You gotta get in line if
if you wanna talk
to the quack in the back.
And my stepmother
never hugged me.
Never told me she loved me.
I've basically been
alone my whole life.
That's horrible.
- I hear you.
- I know.
- You.
- Hey, get out! This is private!
Well, your pathetic little shot
didn't do anything.
Yeah, it takes time.
Close those and wait your turn.
- Why aren't you in jail?
- I did my time,
and I did as you suggested.
I studied, I took classes,
and I got my degree.
In what? Quackery?
Naturopathy. I'm an N.D.
As in "not a doctor"?
Well, there's a whole
line of people out there
who would beg to differ.
A line a lot longer than yours,
because she's
an enlightened soul who cares.
Well, I just saw
two of her patients,
and one of them
nearly burnt his ear off.
Then he didn't do what I said!
Keep the poultice on and write
down every demeaning thing
that monster said to you.
- The pain will release.
- Yeah. Write down everything.
Mm-hmm. This is such a con.
I mean, why do you keep
running scams in our town?
- It's not a scam.
- Oh.
I want to make amends,
and if I can offer something
- Yeah, like fairy pollen?
- Like listening and caring.
Which she does and you don't.
Yeah, because I'm an honest
doctor, and she's a charlatan.
- Okay.
- You can either leave town,
or I'm gonna call the sheriff.
- Oh.
- Listen, you dunderhead.
[Lorenzo gasps]
What can I say, Doc?
I'm a natural-born healer.
It's a miracle!
I mean, it makes no sense.
You don't have a stroke
and then walk
three months later.
Well, maybe it was
the shot that you gave her.
A steroid cannot
reverse a stroke.
Okay, so maybe
she just got better.
No, I'm telling you,
they're running a scam.
Like, Savannah pretends
she's a healer.
The woman pretends
she can't walk
and then Savannah cures her,
and they all buy
her tinctures and crystals.
So how would you prove that?
Well, I need
to properly examine her
to prove she's a fake.
- Doc.
- What?
You just took my blood
with no problem at all.
Oh.
- I did.
- I mean,
do you think maybe you're
over it?
Maybe. Good.
Now we can get rid of
that cruffin-baking pest, huh?
He's not that bad.
- Oh, you like him?
- No, I just You know,
he did a good Professor Plum
while we were playing Clue.
You played Clue with
the man who reports on me
- to the Maine Medical Board?
- Just once.
Yeah,
it's a conflict of interest.
What was I supposed to do?
He's my roommate's boyfriend.
- Boyfriend
- [door opens]
[Annie] I am so sorry.
Savannah put me on
a carrot juice diet.
I mean, what do I
what do I do now?
- [Peter] Hey, Sheriff Mark.
- Hey, bud, what's up?
Can I ask you a question?
Not if I ask you first.
How do you ask out a girl?
Whoa!
Have you come to the right man.
In fact,
I was just thinking about it.
- Really?
- Yeah, I was debating
if I should use
Great-Uncle Alfonso's technique.
- What's that?
- Okay,
so Great-Uncle Alfonso said
that when you first
start talking to a girl,
never look her
straight in the eye.
- Why?
- 'Cause it creates mystery.
She senses something special's
about to happen, right?
But she's just not sure what.
Then where do you look?
You look just above her eye.
Like, right at her hairline.
And then when she's off-kilter,
you come in open and honest,
and you say exactly
what's in your heart.
Exactly what's in your heart?
You know what?
I'll show you.
Okay? Come with me.
[Peter] Can we take your car
and use the sirens?
[Mark] Mmm nah.
It's not too far.
Let's just get our steps in.
Give me that!
Would you like some breadsticks,
Carson Macleish?
- Huh?
- I know you're Carson.
Our chef isn't feeling well.
Could you come back
another time?
My name is Bob.
Oh.
What can I get ya?
Wait, wait, wait.
Um, so, hold on.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- So you actually thought
that the moon just got bigger
and smaller each month?
Uh, I mean, I
It I was ten, okay?
- Still, that's
- [Louisa laughs]
Oh, you've never
thought anything stupid?
Um, well, I mean,
not unless you think
that believing in the Tooth
Fairy till you're 35 is stupid.
[Louisa laughing]
- Did you really?
- Mm-hmm.
[applause, cheering]
Wow, that is so crazy.
I mean, it
- It makes no sense.
- Must be driving Martin nuts.
Well,
everything drives Martin nuts.
- Um, what do you mean?
- He's such a grump!
- Hmm.
- Honestly, I can't tell if
it's social awkwardness or he's
just good old-fashioned mean.
Awkward. You know,
he's sweet underneath.
I'll take your word for it.
Sure wasn't sweet as a teacher.
Wait, what?
Oh, he was my teacher
in med school,
uh, what, ten years ago?
Um, why didn't you tell me?
I don't know.
I just guess it never came up.
Did you tell him?
I mean, I just kept waiting
for him to recognize me.
- Oh.
- Honestly, I'm not surprised.
He he I doubt he would
have recognized me back then.
He never knew any of our names.
I mean, God forbid
you made a mistake, it was
Wow. So, um, wait, did
did you come here to, um
I mean,
this isn't gonna affect your
- My review?
- Yeah.
No. No, of course not.
Yeah.
[Ilana] Do you think Savannah
could get rid of my headaches?
- And my eczema?
- And my arthritis?
Why not? She made me walk.
Don't eat that Carson.
- What?
- I know you're Carson.
Please come back tomorrow.
My name is Fred.
You have your own miracle worker
right here in Port Wenn.
Each of you must see her.
Of course you would say that.
Can you squat?
- Like a catcher.
- [Martin] Mm-hmm.
Now, push your leg
against my hand now.
You should go see her too,
Doctor.
Perhaps she could cure
your dreadful personality.
Well, she hasn't cured yours.
Mm-mm. I knew it. There's no way
you could have limb strength
like that three months
after a stroke,
no matter what nonsense
she rubbed on you.
You and Savannah
are running a scam.
You couldn't be more wrong,
Dr. Quackenbush.
Then give me
the number of your doctor
so I can talk to them
about your "stroke."
- I can't.
- Why not?
- He's on a trek in the Andes.
- Ha!
I'm calling the sheriff
right now.
Wait! Get back here!
[patrons murmuring]
[Greg sighs]
♪
[Greg] Georgie! The food
critic's here at the bar!
I saw "CM" monogrammed
on his sleeve.
It's definitely him.
What
- Oh, Lord.
- What?
- Sweet Lord.
- What?
I can't taste anything.
Oh, no.
Wearing this to audition,
is it too much?
[Parker] No. Shows commitment.
Good. It's my first time,
so I wanna make an impression.
- [Elaine clearing throat]
- All right.
And
Other crayons are fun,
but only Playtime Pastels
glow in the dark
and show up even
when the lights are off.
- Nailing it.
- The only thing more fun than
a Playtime Pastel
is a Playtime Pastel
with a special friend.
[Parker] Sorry, um
"Where you can highlight
your fun zones
for your playmate to see."
"And in places
where they can't."
- Oh. Um, Elaine, I, um
- What?
I think these might be
adult crayons,
like, um, for sex.
What? No.
"With colors like Big Banana,
Red Hot Mama, and Tickled Pink."
Oh, my God,
these are sex crayons!
What kind of
an audition is this?
What in the hell
is going on here?
Nothing! Parker's just
helping me with an audition.
And you're monitoring me?
Well, you didn't have
any patients, so
[phone vibrating]
Dr. Best.
- It's fun zones.
- Yeah.
- That's what does it.
- I'll be right back.
I have to go. Elaine,
take off the crayon costume
words that should never
have to come out of my mouth
and stop fraternizing
with the enemy.
- The enemy? Me? I was just
- And no more cruffins!
[door opens]
[door slams]
Do you wanna just
take it from the top?
- Yeah.
- Okay, great.
♪
Hey.
You know the Finnish
lawn game M ölkky?
I'm starting a league.
- Wanna join?
- Clark! Stop being weird.
Hi, welcome to the Salty Breeze.
You're gonna have the best meal
you've ever had in your life.
- Amazing.
- We want you to be as happy
- as humanly possible.
- Okay. It's a little much.
The thing is, this is our
pre-dinner post-prandial pause.
Our kitchen's closed.
Would you care for
another cocktail while you wait?
- Sure.
- [Greg] On the house.
Even better.
Whatever he wants.
- Where's George?
- [Greg] Dr. Best!
One of our biggest fans.
He eats here every day.
Could you could you
Martin
- You gotta help, Doc. Now.
- [Martin] What happened?
I can't taste, like, anything!
My mouth is numb.
- Numb?
- Tingly. Numb. Weird. Numb!
And the food critic is
at the bar waiting to be served.
I cannot serve food
I haven't tasted, Doc. I cannot.
- Take it easy.
- Don't tell us to take it easy!
It sounds like
an allergic reaction.
Did you eat anything unusual?
- No!
- The tincture from Savannah.
- [George sighs]
- Please tell me you're joking.
We were desperate.
You wouldn't help.
- I have a cold!
- And she has a criminal record.
- Just show me the tincture.
- Here.
No ingredients, brilliant.
This woman's a menace!
So, what do we do?
It'll wear off eventually.
Eventually? He's at the bar!
You're not listening to us!
Okay, fine.
I'll go find out what's in it.
Maybe something
can counteract it.
Actually, I have an idea.
- What is it?
- Ooh.
You'll think it's bad,
but it's good.
This is gonna be bad.
[seabirds squawking]
[Irma sighs]
You, Ronnie.
Get a haircut now,
or you're out. Come on.
Oh, hi, Mark.
Are you here for a touch-up?
Nope, actually here to see
[overlapping arguing]
I just unlocked your body's
natural healing instinct.
[Ilana] I really felt it.
- Yeah?
- Thank you.
- Of course. Of course.
- Yes. Thank you.
All right, who's next?
Uh, actually,
I just need you for a minute.
No! No. No.
I told you, Sheriff, I
[hushed] I take my time.
Savannah
Sorry, is there
something on my forehead?
You're really smart
and really cute.
You did kind of freak me out
a little bit last year
when you gave us all
the bubonic plague,
but you're mature,
and you wanna make amends.
I really dig that.
Do you wanna get ice cream
with me sometime?
[lighthearted music]
Yes.
I would love to.
Great!
[applause]
- Great.
- [Savannah laughs]
Thank you.
Mark, I don't know why, as our
only law enforcement officer,
you don't feel the need
to pick up the phone,
but Savannah
and the person she made walk
- are committing fraud, so I
- [Louisa] Martin? Martin!
I've been looking for you.
Hi. Um
- Hi.
- I have something to tell you.
It's, uh it's about Parker.
Um, um, it's kinda weird, so I
Yes, it is.
- You you know?
- Yes, I
- That he was your student?
- Wait, what? What?
In med school.
I I just found out.
Parker was a student of mine?
- Why didn't he tell me?
- Um, I'm
not sure, so
- Wh why are you telling me?
- Well, I just
I just wanted you
to have all the facts, so.
Goodbye. Yeah.
Wait, wait. What facts?
What did he say
about me back then?
- Nothing. Nothing.
- No, tell me.
I want the, uh feedback.
Well, um,
they said that you were
Okay, this is him talking,
not me.
- No, I know, I know, I know.
- Um
They said you were, um
not a good listener.
Uh, hard to talk to.
Didn't enjoy
people.
Mmm. So he came here
to give me a bad review?
No! No, he's going to be fair.
I know that. He's a good man.
I just I just know
how important this review is
to get you off probation,
and I thought if you knew this,
that when you were around him,
you might try
to be a little, uh
Nicer.
Yeah.
I saw you kiss him.
What?
By the hedge over there.
Oh.
What do you like about him?
[melancholy music]
- Martin. [scoffs]
- No, I just
I just wanna know. I mean,
what do you like about him?
I I don't know.
I I mean, he's, um
I feel like I can talk
to him about anything.
And, um,
he has four sisters, so he's
- good with his emotions.
- Mm-hmm.
So he's easy to talk to,
he's a good listener,
and he's a people person.
Hmm.
Yeah.
Well, um [clears throat]
Thanks. I'm just gonna
♪
[gasps]
[sniffles]
[exhales shakily]
[sighs]
[exhales]
Get' em, buddy. You got this.
[Peter exhales]
[intriguing music]
Sorry, I'm gonna take Sorry.
[overlapping chatter]
Wait, what?
Harley?
Oh, no, this is gonna be brutal.
- [Peter] Harley?
- What?
Is there something
on my forehead?
You're really smart,
really cute
- What's happening?
- I don't know.
really mature for your age.
Uh, I I mean, my age.
What age is that? Five?
- No, nine.
- Oh.
I really dig you.
Would you like to get
ice cream with me sometime?
[laughter]
No, that's crazy.
What,
you gonna bring your teddy bear?
- No, I'd leave him at home.
- I'd feel like your mom.
- Age is just a number.
- Facts.
What? Kid's got guts.
- Gotta give him that.
- It's true.
Sorry, Tiny Tim.
But let me know when
you're my height. You're funny.
Hmm. My name's Peter.
[solemn music]
[whimsical music]
[hushed] Just get in here.
The last time
I had to be this hush-hush,
my cousin ended up
in the East River.
Where's the other annoying guy?
Upstairs. But I need
to speak to you first.
He took some meds
and lost his sense of taste.
But we got Carson McLeish
out there right now
- [loudly] Carson McLeish?
- Shh! Ahh!
You want me to cook for
- Carson McLeish?
- No, George will.
But you need to assist.
Be the taster.
All you have to do
is taste what he cooks
- and make sure it's great.
- Wait a second.
So you admit
I'm an excellent cook
with Ferrari-level taste buds
that you entrust with
your entire business?
Do you want
the 500 clams or not?
Lead the way, grandma.
Wait. I'm glad to see
you aren't repeating
yourself anymore, Gina.
Well, what do you know?
I get away from
you two ding-dongs,
and all of a sudden,
poof, stress gone.
Hell no!
- We need her.
- [George] Absolutely not!
This devil woman is not about
to step foot in my kitchen.
Too late, Chef Boyardee.
You're the chef, George.
She's the taster.
Unless your taste has returned,
we need her.
[laughing dryly]
- [door slams]
- I think that was a yes.
- Well, look who it is.
- Ugh.
You have got to stop doing that,
okay? This is a safe space.
Yeah,
more like a den of thieves.
Just tell me
what you gave George.
- None of your beeswax.
- Mmm. She also says "beeswax."
You're in it together.
I knew it.
Many distinguished individuals
say "beeswax."
Okay, for now, just tell me
what you gave George
so I can stop worrying
about his taste buds.
What happened to his taste buds?
You gave him something,
and now he can't taste,
which is, you know,
bad for a chef.
Okay.
[hushed]
Listen, Mr. Grumpy Pants.
I gave him
over-the-counter zinc. Okay?
Maybe he took too much.
It'll wear off.
Yeah, I've also got
a guy who stopped taking
his gout medication
and a woman who's orange.
Sooner or later,
you're gonna hurt someone.
And you're her accomplice.
You're both going to jail.
Oh, please.
- Come here, Dr. Demento.
- Gotta go with her.
- I'm gonna tell you a secret.
- Uh-huh.
You can't tell anybody.
Doctor-patient confidentiality.
If you do,
I'll have you arrested.
Mmm, that's not how it works.
But, what?
[intriguing music]
I am Carson McLeish,
the great food critic.
I need to remain anonymous
for my work.
- I did have a stroke.
- Mm-hmm.
I never met this woman
before in my life,
and she did cure me. And
Oh, yeah,
is this part of the act?
No! No, there's no act.
- [Carson exclaims]
- [onlookers gasping]
No. No, no! No! I want Savannah.
She's the only one
who could help.
Let's see it, Miracle Lady.
Okay. Okay.
It's life, man.
You put your heart out there,
and people step on it.
- They were laughing at me.
- 'Cause they're jerks.
It's not their fault, though.
They're just teenagers.
I just asked her
to get ice cream.
And you killed it, dude.
I'm telling you.
My Great-Uncle Alfonso
would've been so proud.
He would've said, "Hey, you keep
putting your heart out there,
papito, no matter 'gwah.'"
Because, because, if you keep
putting your heart out there,
open and honest like that,
and someone steps on it,
it just gets stronger.
So when you finally hand it
to the right person
at the right time,
I'm telling you, dude, she's
gonna look at you in the eye
or right above the eye
and hand you her heart,
'cause she knows then
that you're strong enough
to hold her heart.
[sighs] So I guess
we have to be totally honest
with the people we care about.
No matter "gwah."
Wait.
Even if it's something
that might make them mad?
Yep. Even then.
No matter "gwah."
Hey. You're very smart
for a nine-year-old.
Hey,
you wanna get some ice cream?
- [Peter] You bet! Let's go.
- [Mark] Yes.
[Savannah] I'll be right back!
Yeah, I just gotta tell the doc
one thing first. [forced laugh]
You gotta help me. [sighs]
I have no idea
what I did to make her walk.
[sighs]
You're right, okay? I'm a fraud.
I took one class in prison,
and I have no clue what
the lady was talking about.
She was insane.
She kept doing
this gesture, like
- What does that mean?
- No clue.
[sighs] Okay, but you gotta
help me before these people
turn on me
like a pack of wild dogs.
Wait, so she's not
in on it with you?
What? No, I've never
seen her before in my life.
And her doctor
was really in the Andes?
Do I look like
her doctor's travel agent?
What did you put on her back?
[sighs] I don't know,
like, basil and oregano?
Well, whatever temporarily made
her walk has obviously worn off,
and I have no idea
what's going on.
Well, what do I do?
First, you go back in there
and you tell everyone
you have no idea
what you're doing.
Then leave Port Wenn before
you seriously hurt someone.
How about I do just
the "leave Port Wenn" part?
- Fine by me.
- Okay. Good talk.
- High five?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah. No.
[gentle music]
- What?
- [Sarah] Nothing.
Just thought you might
wanna finish up
the conversation we started.
- [Martin] Funny, I don't.
- Yeah, you do.
I'm not a people person.
And there's nothing
wrong with that.
[Sarah] I agree.
Unless you want to, you know,
be around people.
Well, maybe some people.
Hmm, like Louisa.
Is that what you want?
If it is
I haven't been doing
a very good job of it, have I?
I can confirm that.
[Sarah chuckles]
Tell you what, let me buy you
a lobster roll, huh? Come on.
I'll even let you order fries.
Hmm, my lucky day.
[chuckles]
[seabirds squawking]
Now for the brown butter,
lemon, and caper sauce.
Oh, it smells like a narcotic.
You wanna talk narcotics?
'Cause my cousin Joey
Not now, Lady Scarface.
I'm just saying, he didn't
know that guy was a cop.
I cannot believe
that I'm saying this, but
taste.
- Mmm! Oh, my goodness.
- Really?
- Mmm!
- Hmm, more lemon.
- You swear?
- On my mother's monobrow.
It's a hair too sweet.
You need the acid.
Oh, my gosh.
- She's right.
- She better be.
Mmm!
And here we have my world-famous
Scallop Grenobloise.
Wow.
[cutlery clinking]
[suspenseful music]
Mmm.
Mmm!
Scallopy.
Uh-huh. [laughs]
"Scallopy." That's not a word.
Shh.
He can say whatever he likes.
He's the food critic
fromThe New York Times.
- What?
- Hmm, no, I'm not.
I'm a dentist from Bangor.
- What?
- Are you friggin' kidding me?
Your monogram says "C.M."
You're Carson Macleish.
Carl Mooney. My wife
just gave me this for my 50th.
Then who's
- Nope, not me. Bye now.
- Oh! [gasps]
Come back!
You haven't tried
the Scallop Grenobloise!
[Gina] Oh, I will drag her
right back here.
[screams shrilly]
- What's the matter?
- My eyes! I can't see!
I'm going blind!
How many fingers?
Three? Two?
Stop moving them around.
You. Come here.
- What color is this?
- Uh, faded pink.
It's bright red. Thank you.
- You have MOGAD.
- Mo-what?
You're just making up words.
- Doc, here you go.
- Thanks.
MOGAD. It's an autoimmune
disorder that can appear
like a stroke
and cause optic nerve damage.
Why didn't my doctor
in New York figure this out?
It's unbelievably rare.
I mean,
I've never seen it before.
You walked because of the shot
I gave you, not Savannah.
I don't understand
what you're saying.
I have to live
with this disorder?
Yes, but it's manageable.
I'm gonna give you a shot now
that'll get you
walking and seeing.
I want your doctor
in New York to call me,
and with some PT and meds,
you're gonna be fine.
So you actually
are Carson Macleish,
the famous food critic.
Absolutely no idea
what you're talking about.
Just try the scallops. Please.
The whack job can actually
make a really nice dish.
- I am
- [phone buzzing]
Yes.
Isn't that your job?
Fine.
It's Mark.
He needs backup at Irma's.
What?
- [Martin sighs]
- Irma's?
[Greg] So, about that review
I'm not Carson Macleish!
[Greg] So that's a no
[crowd shouting]
- You almost burned my ear off!
- And I'm still orange!
- And you brought back my gout!
- I don't
[overlapping shouting]
Okay, everyone calm down.
Hey, everyone, hey, hey!
Everyone, calm down. Calm down.
Okay, this little lady's just
trying to go on a date tonight.
Oh, uh, no, no, no.
Sorry, Mark, but,
um, I gotta go. [chuckles]
- Go? What do you mean, go?
- She's a con artist, Mark.
She didn't make that woman walk.
Doc did.
- Is that true?
- Well,
I didn't wanna hurt anybody.
People were only coming to me
because he wasn't
listening to anyone.
You know,
if you were a little nicer,
if you spent
a little bit more time
showing people that you care,
none of this
would have happened.
You made me possible.
Well, what about me?
Is that fake, too?
Like, am I just another
one of your scams?
No, Mark. You seem
like a really nice guy.
[siren wailing]
Wait.
Oh! Oh, Marky! Mark!
We got an all-points bulletin.
Savannah broke parole.
She's wanted by
the state police.
[Savannah sighs]
[Mark sighs]
This is kind of hot,
though, right?
[Mark sighs]
- [Savannah sighs]
- Right here, in the back seat.
Okay.
Listen, Doc,
the thing I've been trying
- to tell you all day is
- Mm-hmm?
I sorta did it with Eden.
And when I say "sorta,"
I mean we did it.
Right as she was leaving town.
A little horizontal rumba,
and then vertical.
And actually,
at one point, diagonal.
But I know that it hurt me
when you smooched Louisa,
but I just want you
to know that I know
that this hurts you
so much more, I'm sure.
So I'm sorry, buddy.
I really am sorry.
I just felt like I needed
to be open and honest.
A nine-year-old taught me that.
- Diagonal?
- No need to dwell.
- Hmm.
- You think we'll be able
to get past this?
- I am open to counseling.
- Yeah, no, I do. I do.
Uh, look, I'm glad you felt
you could talk to me.
Well, I didn't,
but I had to, anyways.
Ah.
- [Mark chuckles]
- [Savannah] Hey, Mark?
Do you think we could get
ice cream on the way to prison?
I'm gonna get you one cone.
Oh, their first date.
Well, the next will be
in five to ten years, so.
[townspeople laughing]
Hey, what happened
with your commercial?
- Oh, I booked it!
- [all] Oh!
- [townspeople cheering]
- [Sarah] Congratulations!
[Elaine] I'm Tickled Pink.
Hey, Martin.
You did good.
No, I didn't. She's right.
I told you I'm not
a people person, but
unfortunately,
I do treat people.
Martin
[gentle music]
Oh, no.
Eeyore, what now?
What, you wanna
call me a nitwit again?
No.
[Martin sighs]
Why are you delaying your chemo?
Really.
I told you. I'm busy.
Now tell me the real reason.
I am listening.
Who wants to lose all his hair?
And get sick all alone?
My my kid's
headin' to college.
And, uh, my wife
well, it didn't
work out so well.
It's just gonna be me,
throwing up
and bald in the house.
A house I spent
years building
for my family.
They're all gone.
Sounds fun, right?
Sounds hard.
But, um
Look.
I will be here
for you
should you need me.
Wow. [sighs]
That couldn't have
been easy for you.
No.
I felt a little nauseous
as I was saying it.
[chuckles]
Yeah, well
I'll I'll make
the chemo appointment.
Okay.
But you're still an ass, Eeyore.
Got that right, nitwit.
[gentle music]
[Louisa laughing]
Got that right.
[theme music]