Foursome (2016) s02e06 Episode Script

Threesome

(bright flourish) [Andie.]
Previously on Foursome.
Things between me and Kent got steamy.
Dakota felt some heat of his own.
We all cooled our jets, though, when Imogen told us some big news.
My mom said I could come back and be homeschooled.
[Andie.]
But our group won't get broken up that easily.
Hopefully same goes for Kent and me.
[Alec.]
Hey! [Andie.]
Especially with my big brother never far away.
Are you with my sister?! Yes, I am.
[Andie.]
Because I'm hoping to explore down under.
Can you feel my glands? Are they swollen? You're not sick.
In the head, she absolutely is.
You guys, Clemont went home with strep and we tongue-kissed.
This is why you ignore the French.
(dramatic electronic music) Get it, Andie.
Hey, Andie Fixler.
You wanna hang out after school? [Girl.]
Kent Sadak just asked Andie Fixler to hang out! I'd love to hang out.
You like ice cream? Who doesn't? [Girl.]
Oh my God, they both like ice cream! Cool, ice cream it is.
See you later.
(bell rings) [Dakota.]
Ugh, bitch is gonna make me late to math.
Ice cream? More like I creamed myself when he asked me out.
He did ask me out, right? Oh, fa sho.
Hang out in high school basically means let's get naked after Mom drives us to plans.
True.
Ice cream dates are really, really special.
I got scoops with my mom the day she told me she smoked when she was pregnant.
That explains everything.
Headbandie, this is so exciting.
First dates are like butterflies in Heaven.
My first date was so romantic.
We played who's under the blanket, and I tried on his mom's wedding dress.
My first date was literally getting naked after Mom drove us to plans.
Ah, minivan set that mood, though.
See? They're the best.
I wanna go on a date again.
I feel just like I did when I lost my virginity at camp, ready.
Dino dummy, the dating game has changed ever since Tamagotchis and Skip-Its.
Don't discourage her.
How hard could it be? Put on a tube top and get a free dinner.
Easy as pie.
Ooh, and maybe I'll order pie after my free dinner.
Did dating apps even exist when you were single? Probably for losers.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Alright, give me your phone.
Come on.
Alright, I'm downloading Honeybee.
I wish Kent would've just asked me on a dating app.
Then I would've for sure known this was a date.
Are you guys sure this is a date? He did say hang.
My mom says hanging's for monkeys.
Yes, it's a date.
No one actually wants to eat frozen udder cream in the middle of a Wednesday.
Hm, that's true.
Super true.
Guys, give me a unique ice cream flavor.
I need to make an impression.
Okay.
Ooh, French vanilla.
No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Sweet vanilla.
Vanilla bean, it's so good, Andie.
Everything should be vanilla.
Vanilla for Imogen.
Who would've guessed? (ominous music) (dramatic music) Dude! Oh, hey man.
What are you doing? Same stuff as you.
You know, I was thinking, bro.
Me and you, tonight.
Got a tent, waterbed, jerky.
Ha, what do you say? I say, can I have my shirt back? Oh, yeah, sorry, Kent.
There we go.
You know what? Just keep it.
Oh, thanks, Kent! So we on for tonight, bro? Actually, I've got plans to grab some ice cream later.
But maybe I'll see you at your house before? Oh, wow.
Okay.
Son of a bitch knows I love ice cream.
Well, see you later, Kent.
I'll see you later, Kent.
(bell rings) Andie Fixler.
Here, let me help you with that.
(smooth sensual music) (sputters) Was that as smooth as it felt? I'm gonna go with yes because you're really wet.
I guess you just turned it on so hard that I couldn't help it.
I guess I'm really good at just turning things on.
(chuckles) Look, I'd love to sit around and innuendo all day, but I'm actually really late for class and Emerson makes me display how to wear feminine napkins every time I'm late.
Been there.
Anyway, I'll see you later.
I've never really hung out with a guy before without my brother.
Your brother? Hey, someone's in a good mood.
Whoa, why is your shirt soaked? Oh, long story.
What is it? Spill.
What's with the smile? I just have something going on tonight.
What, with the foursome? Oh, actually it's It's with someone new.
New? New like, the new guy? You have a date? Guess we'll find out.
Wow.
Does Alec know about that? Kent doesn't really seem to care, so I'm just going with it.
Later, Josh.
Yeah, I'll See you.
What color would I be if I were a color? What's your spirit animal? Where were you born? Who knows any of this?! Oh my God, do I even know myself at all? When's your birthday? October.
Wrong, it's March! Tips for getting back in the dating game.
Date yourself to get to know yourself.
(gasps) Date yourself? Hey.
I'm Courtney.
(playful dramatic music) Mae, is that you? I thought you were me.
I totally thought you were me.
I'm you.
Bingo.
(smooth jazz music) (laughs) Oh my God.
You guys were so right.
It's definitely a date.
We just had this whole bit about being wet, and if that's not date foreplay my middle name isn't Deb.
Andie Deb Fixler, tragic.
What about Alec? Aren't you a little bit worried? You know, Kent has this weird calming effect around Alec.
I'm just gonna go with it.
Don't jinx me.
(door crashes) Gang, it's finally happening! - You're retiring.
- Never.
Principal Slacks is finally acknowledging Teacher Appreciation Week by holding a competition, T-O-T-M.
T-O-T-M, Think Only Thoughts Magical.
Are we having a Ren Faire?! Teacher of the Month.
Oh.
And the best part is, the students vote determine the winner.
Golly, I've never won anything before.
I came close once.
At a Mr.
Cornfield Pageant, '97.
(cheers) (corn crunches) (clears throat) Hmm? Right.
So anyway, it would mean a great deal to me if you guys would campaign on my behalf.
Oh, of course we will, Mr.
Shaw.
You already have my vote.
I know I do, Imogen.
Thank you, but I'm not here for you.
Dakota.
You control the black, gay, and senior vote, do you not? Go on.
Which means you control the freshman, sophomore, and junior vote.
- (chuckles) - Keep talking.
If you campaign on my behalf, I'll be a Shaw-in.
You can use that as my slogan.
That is, I really like that.
I'm gonna write that down.
So what you're saying is, it would really impress you if I got you Teacher of the Month? Impress? Try flabbergast.
I mean, any teacher would be flattered.
Any teacher, huh? Hmm.
Thanks, Mr.
Shaw.
It's been enlightening.
Thank you, Dakota.
And remember, I'm not your ma, I'm not your pa, I'm you Shaw! Okay, good talk.
Bye, guys, thank you so much.
I'm excited! He said no! Take a hint.
Guys, quick.
Give me flavors.
Oh, uh, double-churn vanilla! No! (fun electronic music) (doorbell rings) [Both.]
Just a minute! (fun electronic music) Ready to go? [Both.]
Yeah.
Okay.
- So you're cool with - Of course.
- So she's gonna - Yeah.
[Both.]
Okay.
Shotgun! (gasps) That was amazing.
That magazine article was right.
Dating yourself is the tits.
The tits.
Honk honk.
You know just what I like.
With Alec, I always had to explain exactly how to navigate this ship.
He's like, "Starboard, starboard.
" "No, no, babe! "Poop deck! "I'm saying poop deck!" He's like, "Where's your poop deck? "Let's smash!" You're a much better first mate.
Aye aye, Captain Court.
(squeals) There she blows! Honk honk.
- Scissors.
- Scissors.
- Glitter.
- Glitter.
- Marker.
- Marker.
Okay, ready to hang? On three, two.
[Imogen.]
Dakota, why did you spell Mr.
Shaw Mr.
Zapp? Looks good, doesn't it? Ah, I just wish I could've made the towel hang a little bit lower.
We told Mr.
Shaw we would campaign for him.
Uh, correction.
You told Mr.
Shaw you would campaign for him.
I promised nothing.
I just stole his idea, and I'm using it as phase 12 of Golden Goose.
That is terrible.
How can you do that to Mr.
Shaw? You heard him.
Any teacher would be impressed.
And I'm not gonna waste my opportunity just because Mr.
Shaw didn't win Mr.
Cornhole.
Oh, it is Mr.
Cornfield.
Get it right, Dakota! I am not backing down this time, because I gave Mr.
Shaw my word.
- Fine.
- Fine.
You know, Imogen, I love me some good competition.
I'll see you at the races.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna go get my inhaler, then, because I can't race without it.
Bring it, Imogen.
Pear was a bad choice.
You're frickin' weird, Andie.
I actually didn't realize that you guys hung out so much.
Oh, I Tell me about it, bro! Andie follows me everywhere.
Yeah, little sisters are usually obsessed with their big brothers, so can't blame her! Cool.
I didn't realize you two hung out so much.
Heck yeah, bro! Kent and I are basically best bros.
He begged me to come here, and you know I can't say no to orange sherbet, man, come on.
Kent Sadak! I'm gonna go to the bathroom quickly, cool? I will see you later, Kent.
Alec, did Kent invite you? Obviously, Andie.
So cool of him to set up this bro chill for me.
Of course you guys would be friends.
Friends?! Ha-ha, more like no ends in sight, because we'll be friends for the rest of eternity.
I can't believe this is happening to me.
Yeah, you should probably bounce.
You're being super annoying.
Hey, Andie.
What? You got a little something on your face there.
(laughs) Are you kidding me? That's what you get for tagging along.
No one wants you here, you friggin' dumpster.
Stop, stop, you're making it worse.
Alec.
Stop.
(laughs) What's so funny? Nothing, it's just like, some sibling stuff.
Woo, I killed this.
I'm gonna go get seconds.
On me this time.
Seems like you and Alec are having a great time.
Sure, just trying to make the best of it.
Yeah, this was eye-opening.
Was it? Because I feel confused.
Except on the definition of hanging out.
That I definitely understand now.
Long line, screw it.
Where should we go next? [Both.]
Home.
Your place or mine? I'm going stir crazy.
Let's go do something.
Wanna see a movie? Yeah, I'm going stir crazy.
Wanna see a movie? Weird.
I literally just said that, Mae.
Ooh, you wanna go see Gettin' Jiggy With Her? Of course, we wanna see the same movie.
We're the same.
The same.
Well, at least we're gonna get out.
I'm totally jonesing for some choco cheese dip with nuts.
(gasps) And more nuts.
(shrieks) Of course.
Well, I I guess I'll see you tomorrow? See you, bro.
Okay then.
Bye.
Okay.
See you.
Yeah, see you, Kent.
You need to take a hint, little sister.
You're such a third wheel.
What just happened? You were a third wheel, loser.
That's what just happened.
Knowledge.
A vote for Shaw means you respect the law.
(bell dings) Oh man.
A vote for Mr.
Zapp for the footlong sub.
(bell dings) How is that even possible? Hi.
Don't hem and haw, vote for Shaw.
(bell dings) Oh, come on.
Hello.
Hi.
Give it up, Imogen, it's over.
Mr.
Shaw has no shot.
Might as well just throw in the towel now because you got KO'ed.
Oh, you wish, Dakota.
You know what? The Teacher of the Month should belong to a teacher that has been here an actual month.
So I will never give up on Mr.
Shaw, ever.
(cries) Who are you gonna vote for?! See you at the finish line, Imogen.
Oh, not if I see you there first, Dakota.
That magazine article was wrong.
Dating yourself isn't what it's cracked up to be.
You know, the sex becomes super predictable, and fighting is like a merry-go-round.
We make the exact same points.
I legit have no idea how I read the situation so wrong.
Oh, don't beat yourself up, Andie.
I misread things all the time.
Like the article.
And now I have to break up with myself, and I do not handle things well.
Speaking of which, is she okay? Yeah, she'll be fine.
As soon as she stops the occasional screaming.
(screams) I feel better.
Me, too.
You know, I think I'm ready to finish my Honeybee dating profile.
At least one of us is ready, because I am definitely not ready to face Kent.
But I have chemistry, so wish me luck.
(screams) (bell rings) Hey.
Hi.
So, how was the rest of your night? Fine.
Alec fell down the stairs and laughed about it for an hour.
You guys have a weird sense of humor.
I'm gonna be honest, last night I kind of felt like a third wheel.
You felt like a third wheel? Yeah.
I'm pretty sure that was obvious.
I personally didn't think anything was that obvious last night.
I mean, I didn't realize you were gonna invite Alec.
Wait, you didn't invite him? I thought you invited him.
Why would you think that? Because you told me that you'd never been on a date alone before.
Yeah, and I was looking forward to it.
So you didn't want him there? No, did you? No! You didn't invite him and I didn't invite him, which would make Alec the third wheel? Yes.
So, maybe we should try hanging out again? Just the two of us? No threesome? Just to be clear, this Is a date, right? Abso-bloody-lutely.
Cool, cool.
That's cool.
(victorious music) Yes! Ahh! Andie, will you please let Imogen know that her slogans are as lame as her candidate? Courtney, could you kindly tell Dakota (blows raspberry) Imogen says (blows raspberry) Oh my God, guys, this is ridiculous.
Why are you letting this stupid teacher competition come in between you two? Because she sucks.
[Man On Intercom.]
Attention students, a couple of announcements.
First, there will be no marching band practice after school.
Oh my God, who cares? [Man On Intercom.]
Also, the cafeteria will no longer be serving mystery meat after yesterday's tragedy.
Oh, get to the goods! [Man On Intercom.]
And lastly, the winner of Teacher of the Month by a landslide is Mr.
Zapp.
Bam, in your face! Hands out.
Slap slap slap slap slap slap! [Man On Intercom.]
We are very lucky to have such a popular substitute teacher here at Brayer.
But Mr.
Zapp is not eligible, so the Teacher of the Month Award goes to Mr.
Shaw.
(gasps) I did it! I did it.
I did it, I did it.
Bitch, you better not.
I won! I won! I finally won! Ooh.
I won, thank you for voting.
I won! Ahh! Suck it, Zapp.
I won! Ding-dong, Shaw has won.
Ding-dong, Shaw has won.
Wow, I gotta hand it to you, Imogen.
You are a very worthy adversary.
You know, I respect you for not backing down even though you clearly had no shot.
Thank you, Dakota.
And I respect No, no, no, I don't care.
Oh, Dakota.
I've been looking all over for you.
Did you make this poster? Maybe.
Okay, because it's completely inappropriate, not to mention inaccurate.
You see, I would need a much bigger towel.
Did y'all just see that?! Yeah, I told you you'd get in trouble for making that poster.
That's not Seriously, Dakota.
You took it away too far.
But he just Even I think it's a bit too much.
Really?! No one saw that?! Come on, maniac.
Let's go get some ice cream, on me.
Kind of lost my appetite on account of being on a date with my brother and all, and now I'm actually craving it.
Ooh, I cannot wait for that smooth vanilla.
I hate you for it, but I want vanilla, too.
Me three! (giggles) Thank God I was wrong about that whole threesome thing.
I'm much more of a foursome kind of gal.
(bright guitar music) (sniffs) Kent.
What are you doing, man? Nothing.
Whose towel are you smelling? Kent Sadak's.
We're buds.
Alright, see you later, bro.
I gotta go wash my taint.
Alright.
What is it with this guy? (sniffs) (thunder claps) (gentle music) Damn you, Sadak.
(bright guitar music)
Previous EpisodeNext Episode