Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s02e06 Episode Script
The J-Team
1
Jackie, robbery
in progress.
It's the dark hand.
They're packing heat.
Talisman heat.
Our spell will
keep you bound
within the human
of your choosing.
Until
you release us.
Shendu: And the human
most capable for this task
Jackie chan.
Yi-ahh!
Finn: Uh, big v?
Shendu's back.
Destroy them!
Jackie: But I don't
understand.
Valmont can't summon
the shadowkhan.
Only shendu.
Reports of my demise
have been
greatly exaggerated, chan.
I'll take the guy
in the ninja suit.
Better idea.
Yaah!
Ohh!
Ohh!
Unh!
(Uncle chanting
magic spell)
Whew!
Whoa.
Unc, that was
some magic.
Heh! Simple
chi spell.
Many others
in my book.
So the big bad
dragon is back,
and he's packing
the talismans?
Talismans
are not important!
Shendu is a spirit now.
Not even the talismans
can change that.
So you figure
he's onto something
bigger, mi compadre?
The book shendu stole
from my library
is a key to understanding
his motives.
But which volume
did he steal?
How do I know?!
We must take inventory!
So all these books
have spells--ow!
Do not touch!
Aww.
This is bigger
than valmont, sir.
The dragon is back
from the grave.
Correct, the one
with the magic talismans.
I didn't believe it either,
sir, until I--
uh, yes, I feel fine.
Jackie, we can't move!
The bad guys are--
too powerful for
one archaeologist
to stop, Jade.
They'll still need you
to consult, right?
Jackie, I just spoke
with my superiors
in Washington.
Are they sending
reinforcements?
They'reReassigning
all dark hand matters
to section 12.
I never should've
used the "m" word.
But there's
no time to lose.
The mainframe indicates
that valmont has
just left the country.
But how will you--
my hands may be tied,
Jackie,
but yours aren't.
But I have to go,
Jade.
Jackie, you can't face
shendu alone.
You need back-up.
That's why I'm going
to get uncle.
Uncle's just the brains.
You need muscle
on your team.
Hmph!
And I know just where
to find you some.
(Telephone rings)
Buenos dias.
El toro fuerte!
El toro: Si?
It is for you.
Jade?
Well, what do you know?
Uncle: We cannot
leave until we know
what shendu
is planning,
and we cannot know that
until we know
which book he took.
(Door bells jingle)
Go away!
We are closed
for inventory.
We are not
customers.
Jackie! A burglar!
Wha--oh!
Uncle,
he is no thief!
He is--ow!
Of course he is a thief!
He is wearing a mask!
Oh, no, no, no!
El toro fuerte
never removes his mask.
You!
Dark hand enemy!
Aah!
Jackie!
Ahh! Ohh! Oop!
Aah!
Whaa!
Ohh! Thank you--bwha!
I've heard of a bull
in a China shop,
Jackie
But two?
Viper?!
No thieves allowed
in uncle's--ow!
How can she
be the thief?
She is not wearing a mask
and wrecking my store.
Both: Aah!
Stop! Tohru is--aah!
On our side now.
Chan tells the truth.
Sorry.
Ohh.
All right! Viper,
El toro, you made it.
Who invited you?
I am
El toro's protege.
Wherever he goes,
I go.
Ok, paco. But try
not to get in the way
while Jackie's
kicking butt.
But it is
El toro fuerte
who will be kicking
the butt, Jade.
Jackie.
El toro.
Jackie!
El toro!
Jackie!
El toro!
Jade, explain.
It's your team! Duh!
The j-team!
The chan clan!
The chan-tastic five!
Chan-tastic?
5! See,
- you and me make 2
And then there's viper
And El toro makes 4
And I, paco,
am the fifth member
of the j-team!
I actually had someone
lessPuny in mind.
I am honored.
I am sorry you all
came here for nothing,
but I didn't realize
my niece read
so many comic books.
I cannot accept
your help.
Never pegged you
as the macho type,
Jackie.
I especially
cannot accept help
from a super-thief.
Ex-super-thief.
Went legit
after the pink puma
fiasco.
Uncle: Hotcha!
The missing book!
Which one is it?
A guide
to ancient artifacts
located in Tibet.
Ancient magic
àartifacts, I bet.
Ahh!
The pan ku box.
Soon my demon brethren
shall be free
and their new reign
of terror will begin.
Jackie:
Captain black managed
to pull some strings.
He has a jet waiting.
Ok, team,
let's move out!
Jade, there is no team.
Oh?
- These j-team jackets
say you're wrong.
Ack! Ugh!
Tohru, tend the shop
and watch Jade.
The rest of you
Get out!
Valmont's voice:
It's my body, and I say
we're going home!
Shendu's voice:
You dare defy me?!
My hair!
You will suffer
for--aah!
Get out of my head!
Aah!
Hss!
You mortal---
so, uh, who
we rooting for?
Tohru: Uh, I don't know
about this, Jade.
Uncle's instructions
were very clear.
Uh-huh. He said
to tend to the shop
and watch me.
Since I'm skipping
town,
you can't do both.
And seor uncle
told all of us
to get out of his shop,
so we did.
(Sighs) We must stop
for the night.
But what about
shendu? We need
to hurry--ow!
You want uncle to help
defeat the ultimate evil,
yes?
Then uncle needs his rest!
(Gargling)
(Yawn) Lucky for us
valmont got
all worn out
slapping himself
silly.
Yeah, I'm bushed.
Ratso:
Good night, Finn.
Night, ratso.
Good night,
talismans.
(Ratso snoring)
What are you
doing here?
What's it look like?
Thank you. Now go away.
Go away yourself.
I'm the super-thief,
remember?
Ex-super-thief.
Just give me!
No!
Let me have--
don't!
No!
Slumbering Bear
greets the Dawn!
Way to go.
Hungry wolf
slaughters lamb!
(Whistles)
Tohru, buddy!
You're alive.
Good to see you.
Tohru's a traitor!
Then give him
a taste
of talisman.
Our powers!
My pants!
Buenos noches,
à muchachos!
(Snoring)
They have
the talismans!
Sorry.
I trust you all
had plenty of rest.
Now follow me!
Jackie!
El toro!
No yelling! Uncle cannot
sleep with--ohh!
Tohru?
If you are here,
who is tending
my shop?
Uh
Don't worry, uncle,
it's covered.
Chi spells. Hmm.
Look what you did!
Hey, it's
not my fault you're
not a team player.
We only wished
to help.
And without us
you would've
been pulverized.
I was pulverized!
And the dark hand
still has
all the talismans!
I told you!
Talismans are
not important!
Of course
talismans
are important.
Talismans are
not important!
Talismans are
very important!
Not important!
Very important!
Jackie: It's your fault
we lost the talismans!
No, it's your fault!
The grown-ups
are staring to
sound like us.
And we don't have
time for kid stuff.
Come on. We gotta
follow shendu.
We will
take them down?
Uh-uh. They're
packing talismans.
But we're wily.
(All arguing)
I don't know why
I'm listening
to you.
I'm doing
this for Jade.
Jade?
Paco?
Both: Where are
the children?!
Ahh! The pan ku box!
Quickly! Take it!
Uh, why don't
you take it?
I cannot touch it.
It is forged
of good magic.
And I, most decidedly,
am not.
Well, if nobody
wants it,
pan ku very much!
Exterminate the pests
permanently!
Ohh!
Ohh!
Don't worry.
Jackie will rescue us.
No, El toro
will rescue us.
Jackie.
El toro.
Jackie!
El toro!
Jackie!
El toro!
Jackie!
El toro!
Ohh! Look!
Jade & paco:
The j-team!
Let them go.
Ooh, you're gonna
get it now.
Yeaah!
Aah! Good magic!
Come on!
Wait here.
Grr!
Flying dragon corkscrew!
Horse tail swatting flies!
Ohh!
Inscriptions.
Invisibility
and speed!
I'll kick your butt
in fast-forward.
Gotta work
on the brakes.
Hey, Finn, can I bum
a talisman?
Kind of busy here--
hey, hey, hey!
Heat beams! Sweet!
Hey, my glasses!
Mad monkey kung fu!
Octopus fits of fury!
Shredding lion claws!
Minnows wallops whale!
I'm sorry, what was
the last part?
I said minnow--aah!
"What was that last part?"
I wasn't going
to use these,
but now you've
made me mad!
Astral projection? Gaah!
Ow!
Aah!
Jackie, we gotta
get the--
talk later, Jade!
Rrr!
Hey!
I'm going out
on a limb here,
but it looks like
you need contacts.
Maybe--aah!
You won't be needing
this
aah! Oh! Oh! Ahh!
Oh! Oh! Aah!
Oh, Jackie!
Ohh!
Come on!
Give me somebody!
Who's strong like ox
now, eh, El toro?
Now you, skinny.
Unh! Ohh!
Yin-Yang! The power
of balance!
You will be unable
to knock me--oof!
Spiritual balance,
hak fool.
Unh--oof!
You are blocking
my light!
(All moaning)
Looking for these?
Run!
We have
all 12 talismans!
Talismans are
not important!
The inscriptions are.
Shendu was one
of 8 demon sorcerers
who terrorized
the ancient world,
each with his
or her own magic
derived from fire
Sky
Moon
Thunder
Earth
Mountain
Wind
And water.
One by one,
- the demons were defeated
by the 8 immortals,
the legendary heroes
of ancient China.
The immortals used
powerful chi spells
to banish the demons
to another realm
Then used the pan ku box
to seal them in
Each demon
behind its own portal.
The only thing
which could locate
and unlock those portals
is the pan ku box itself.
So
It is
- a very good thing
that shendu did not--
shendu's gone
and he took
the pan ku box!
Ayah!
We must get it back
before shendu
finds the doors
and releases
the 7 other demons!
Jackie: I had captain black
pull more strings
to provide a ride home
for everyone.
Consider it my way
of saying thank you
for all your help.
Weren't you
listening to uncle?
The job's
not finish--
shh!
But Jade
is right.
Seor shendu
will release
the demons.
We cannot accept help
from a thief.
I am the wrestler,
she is the thief.
Ex-thief.
Don't worry,
handsome.
Next time Jackie's
in a pinch,
Jade knows
who to call.
Well, Jade,
El toro may be
the best
And Jackie
may be better
Both: But the j-team
is the greatest!
Jackie! I must get
back to my shop!
Uncle,
I told you,
your shop's
in good hands.
(Chanting magic spell)
(Ribbit)
- Man: Hey, Jackie?
- Yes?
Do you watch
your cartoon series?
Of course, of course,
definitely, yes.
I have to watch
every episode.
It's just like my movies.
I want to make a movie,
everybody understand
what I'm doing,
what I'm saying.
I want so make sure
the cartoon is me,
and also the cartoon
is good for the kids.
Nothing wrong, just always
the good things.
Yes.
Jackie, robbery
in progress.
It's the dark hand.
They're packing heat.
Talisman heat.
Our spell will
keep you bound
within the human
of your choosing.
Until
you release us.
Shendu: And the human
most capable for this task
Jackie chan.
Yi-ahh!
Finn: Uh, big v?
Shendu's back.
Destroy them!
Jackie: But I don't
understand.
Valmont can't summon
the shadowkhan.
Only shendu.
Reports of my demise
have been
greatly exaggerated, chan.
I'll take the guy
in the ninja suit.
Better idea.
Yaah!
Ohh!
Ohh!
Unh!
(Uncle chanting
magic spell)
Whew!
Whoa.
Unc, that was
some magic.
Heh! Simple
chi spell.
Many others
in my book.
So the big bad
dragon is back,
and he's packing
the talismans?
Talismans
are not important!
Shendu is a spirit now.
Not even the talismans
can change that.
So you figure
he's onto something
bigger, mi compadre?
The book shendu stole
from my library
is a key to understanding
his motives.
But which volume
did he steal?
How do I know?!
We must take inventory!
So all these books
have spells--ow!
Do not touch!
Aww.
This is bigger
than valmont, sir.
The dragon is back
from the grave.
Correct, the one
with the magic talismans.
I didn't believe it either,
sir, until I--
uh, yes, I feel fine.
Jackie, we can't move!
The bad guys are--
too powerful for
one archaeologist
to stop, Jade.
They'll still need you
to consult, right?
Jackie, I just spoke
with my superiors
in Washington.
Are they sending
reinforcements?
They'reReassigning
all dark hand matters
to section 12.
I never should've
used the "m" word.
But there's
no time to lose.
The mainframe indicates
that valmont has
just left the country.
But how will you--
my hands may be tied,
Jackie,
but yours aren't.
But I have to go,
Jade.
Jackie, you can't face
shendu alone.
You need back-up.
That's why I'm going
to get uncle.
Uncle's just the brains.
You need muscle
on your team.
Hmph!
And I know just where
to find you some.
(Telephone rings)
Buenos dias.
El toro fuerte!
El toro: Si?
It is for you.
Jade?
Well, what do you know?
Uncle: We cannot
leave until we know
what shendu
is planning,
and we cannot know that
until we know
which book he took.
(Door bells jingle)
Go away!
We are closed
for inventory.
We are not
customers.
Jackie! A burglar!
Wha--oh!
Uncle,
he is no thief!
He is--ow!
Of course he is a thief!
He is wearing a mask!
Oh, no, no, no!
El toro fuerte
never removes his mask.
You!
Dark hand enemy!
Aah!
Jackie!
Ahh! Ohh! Oop!
Aah!
Whaa!
Ohh! Thank you--bwha!
I've heard of a bull
in a China shop,
Jackie
But two?
Viper?!
No thieves allowed
in uncle's--ow!
How can she
be the thief?
She is not wearing a mask
and wrecking my store.
Both: Aah!
Stop! Tohru is--aah!
On our side now.
Chan tells the truth.
Sorry.
Ohh.
All right! Viper,
El toro, you made it.
Who invited you?
I am
El toro's protege.
Wherever he goes,
I go.
Ok, paco. But try
not to get in the way
while Jackie's
kicking butt.
But it is
El toro fuerte
who will be kicking
the butt, Jade.
Jackie.
El toro.
Jackie!
El toro!
Jackie!
El toro!
Jade, explain.
It's your team! Duh!
The j-team!
The chan clan!
The chan-tastic five!
Chan-tastic?
5! See,
- you and me make 2
And then there's viper
And El toro makes 4
And I, paco,
am the fifth member
of the j-team!
I actually had someone
lessPuny in mind.
I am honored.
I am sorry you all
came here for nothing,
but I didn't realize
my niece read
so many comic books.
I cannot accept
your help.
Never pegged you
as the macho type,
Jackie.
I especially
cannot accept help
from a super-thief.
Ex-super-thief.
Went legit
after the pink puma
fiasco.
Uncle: Hotcha!
The missing book!
Which one is it?
A guide
to ancient artifacts
located in Tibet.
Ancient magic
àartifacts, I bet.
Ahh!
The pan ku box.
Soon my demon brethren
shall be free
and their new reign
of terror will begin.
Jackie:
Captain black managed
to pull some strings.
He has a jet waiting.
Ok, team,
let's move out!
Jade, there is no team.
Oh?
- These j-team jackets
say you're wrong.
Ack! Ugh!
Tohru, tend the shop
and watch Jade.
The rest of you
Get out!
Valmont's voice:
It's my body, and I say
we're going home!
Shendu's voice:
You dare defy me?!
My hair!
You will suffer
for--aah!
Get out of my head!
Aah!
Hss!
You mortal---
so, uh, who
we rooting for?
Tohru: Uh, I don't know
about this, Jade.
Uncle's instructions
were very clear.
Uh-huh. He said
to tend to the shop
and watch me.
Since I'm skipping
town,
you can't do both.
And seor uncle
told all of us
to get out of his shop,
so we did.
(Sighs) We must stop
for the night.
But what about
shendu? We need
to hurry--ow!
You want uncle to help
defeat the ultimate evil,
yes?
Then uncle needs his rest!
(Gargling)
(Yawn) Lucky for us
valmont got
all worn out
slapping himself
silly.
Yeah, I'm bushed.
Ratso:
Good night, Finn.
Night, ratso.
Good night,
talismans.
(Ratso snoring)
What are you
doing here?
What's it look like?
Thank you. Now go away.
Go away yourself.
I'm the super-thief,
remember?
Ex-super-thief.
Just give me!
No!
Let me have--
don't!
No!
Slumbering Bear
greets the Dawn!
Way to go.
Hungry wolf
slaughters lamb!
(Whistles)
Tohru, buddy!
You're alive.
Good to see you.
Tohru's a traitor!
Then give him
a taste
of talisman.
Our powers!
My pants!
Buenos noches,
à muchachos!
(Snoring)
They have
the talismans!
Sorry.
I trust you all
had plenty of rest.
Now follow me!
Jackie!
El toro!
No yelling! Uncle cannot
sleep with--ohh!
Tohru?
If you are here,
who is tending
my shop?
Uh
Don't worry, uncle,
it's covered.
Chi spells. Hmm.
Look what you did!
Hey, it's
not my fault you're
not a team player.
We only wished
to help.
And without us
you would've
been pulverized.
I was pulverized!
And the dark hand
still has
all the talismans!
I told you!
Talismans are
not important!
Of course
talismans
are important.
Talismans are
not important!
Talismans are
very important!
Not important!
Very important!
Jackie: It's your fault
we lost the talismans!
No, it's your fault!
The grown-ups
are staring to
sound like us.
And we don't have
time for kid stuff.
Come on. We gotta
follow shendu.
We will
take them down?
Uh-uh. They're
packing talismans.
But we're wily.
(All arguing)
I don't know why
I'm listening
to you.
I'm doing
this for Jade.
Jade?
Paco?
Both: Where are
the children?!
Ahh! The pan ku box!
Quickly! Take it!
Uh, why don't
you take it?
I cannot touch it.
It is forged
of good magic.
And I, most decidedly,
am not.
Well, if nobody
wants it,
pan ku very much!
Exterminate the pests
permanently!
Ohh!
Ohh!
Don't worry.
Jackie will rescue us.
No, El toro
will rescue us.
Jackie.
El toro.
Jackie!
El toro!
Jackie!
El toro!
Jackie!
El toro!
Ohh! Look!
Jade & paco:
The j-team!
Let them go.
Ooh, you're gonna
get it now.
Yeaah!
Aah! Good magic!
Come on!
Wait here.
Grr!
Flying dragon corkscrew!
Horse tail swatting flies!
Ohh!
Inscriptions.
Invisibility
and speed!
I'll kick your butt
in fast-forward.
Gotta work
on the brakes.
Hey, Finn, can I bum
a talisman?
Kind of busy here--
hey, hey, hey!
Heat beams! Sweet!
Hey, my glasses!
Mad monkey kung fu!
Octopus fits of fury!
Shredding lion claws!
Minnows wallops whale!
I'm sorry, what was
the last part?
I said minnow--aah!
"What was that last part?"
I wasn't going
to use these,
but now you've
made me mad!
Astral projection? Gaah!
Ow!
Aah!
Jackie, we gotta
get the--
talk later, Jade!
Rrr!
Hey!
I'm going out
on a limb here,
but it looks like
you need contacts.
Maybe--aah!
You won't be needing
this
aah! Oh! Oh! Ahh!
Oh! Oh! Aah!
Oh, Jackie!
Ohh!
Come on!
Give me somebody!
Who's strong like ox
now, eh, El toro?
Now you, skinny.
Unh! Ohh!
Yin-Yang! The power
of balance!
You will be unable
to knock me--oof!
Spiritual balance,
hak fool.
Unh--oof!
You are blocking
my light!
(All moaning)
Looking for these?
Run!
We have
all 12 talismans!
Talismans are
not important!
The inscriptions are.
Shendu was one
of 8 demon sorcerers
who terrorized
the ancient world,
each with his
or her own magic
derived from fire
Sky
Moon
Thunder
Earth
Mountain
Wind
And water.
One by one,
- the demons were defeated
by the 8 immortals,
the legendary heroes
of ancient China.
The immortals used
powerful chi spells
to banish the demons
to another realm
Then used the pan ku box
to seal them in
Each demon
behind its own portal.
The only thing
which could locate
and unlock those portals
is the pan ku box itself.
So
It is
- a very good thing
that shendu did not--
shendu's gone
and he took
the pan ku box!
Ayah!
We must get it back
before shendu
finds the doors
and releases
the 7 other demons!
Jackie: I had captain black
pull more strings
to provide a ride home
for everyone.
Consider it my way
of saying thank you
for all your help.
Weren't you
listening to uncle?
The job's
not finish--
shh!
But Jade
is right.
Seor shendu
will release
the demons.
We cannot accept help
from a thief.
I am the wrestler,
she is the thief.
Ex-thief.
Don't worry,
handsome.
Next time Jackie's
in a pinch,
Jade knows
who to call.
Well, Jade,
El toro may be
the best
And Jackie
may be better
Both: But the j-team
is the greatest!
Jackie! I must get
back to my shop!
Uncle,
I told you,
your shop's
in good hands.
(Chanting magic spell)
(Ribbit)
- Man: Hey, Jackie?
- Yes?
Do you watch
your cartoon series?
Of course, of course,
definitely, yes.
I have to watch
every episode.
It's just like my movies.
I want to make a movie,
everybody understand
what I'm doing,
what I'm saying.
I want so make sure
the cartoon is me,
and also the cartoon
is good for the kids.
Nothing wrong, just always
the good things.
Yes.