Nobody Wants This (2024) s02e06 Episode Script

1
["Manchild" plays]
You said your phone was broken
Just forgot to charge it ♪
Whole outfit you're wearing, God I ♪
I'm so excited for our parents to meet.
Me too. I just hope mine don't undo
the weeks' worth of work I've done
with Bina at Shabbat.
Really seems like you've
worked your way up to cordial.
More than cordial. Did I not tell you
she butt-dialed me the other day?
- No.
- Yes. I was like, "I know you wanna talk."
I invented that move.
- Ooh. Is this the vibe?
- Oh.
[Joanne] Or should the costumes
be Purim- themed?
Unrelated, remind me
what the Purim theme is.
Simply put,
Purim is the celebration of Queen Esther,
who saved the Jews from this evil guy
Haman's plot to destroy them.
Okay, clearly I'm gonna be her.
You can do that. Just know
that Esther goes as her every year.
Then definitely not.
I literally just got her to change me
in her phone from Ho-Anne, so
Well, you can also go as your shadow self.
The part of you that's not visible
most of the time.
Uh, all parts of me are visible
at all times.
I'm not mysterious, Noah.
Listen, don't stress about the costume.
Purim's fun, okay?
The idea is that anything can happen,
and what's hidden might become revealed.
Sounding very Eyes Wide Shut.
Like, what's revealed?
I'd say it's less orgy
than you're thinking
and more personal insight.
You know, sometimes
people feel more themselves on Purim,
or more connected to Judaism.
Sometimes people even discover Judaism
within themselves for the very first time.
So what's hidden
becomes revealed, you see.
I get it.
I get it.
- You want me to wear a crop top?
- I always want you to wear a crop top.
Manchild ♪
Why you always come a-running ♪
Chinese for dinner?
I know I said I'd stop suggesting
that place that made us sick,
but I'm just gonna say it.
I am ready to go back.
Respect.
Um, I'm starting to get a bit nervous
about my interview at the temple tomorrow.
I just wanna go home and prepare.
Okay, we can order in.
I'll watch Felicity while you work.
Yeah, I'm not too hungry, actually.
Wanna just maybe read up
on Temple Ahava in bed and crash.
Really want a good night's sleep
before my interview, so
maybe we could take a night off?
- A night off?
- If that's okay.
A night off?
Yeah.
Sure. Uh, sure.
- Okay.
- [Joanne] Sure.
- [Noah] Okay, thank you.
- Yeah.
- I love you.
- Okay. Uh, I love you too.
[R&B music plays]
He gave me pretty flowers ♪
And I gave him empty threats ♪
I was afraid of falling ♪
But now he's my safety net ♪
Chasing dead ends
Was the way I survived ♪
But if that's how I'd find him
Then I'd do it twice ♪
Now we just think
Of the time that we lose ♪
If we don't try to jump in the line ♪
Oh, oh, oh ♪
'Cause I used to tell him ♪
"No, no, no, no, no" ♪
When he asked me out ♪
Then I said, "Fine, let's go" ♪
Then he never left my house ♪
He's lived in my mind ♪
Even before I ♪
Before I ever knew ♪
Now we just follow the signs
Not the rules ♪
[Morgan] How exactly did he phrase it?
He said he needs a good night's sleep
before the interview.
He's worried you're gonna
keep him up all night?
You're tiny. It's like having a doll
in the bed that smells like Le Labo.
I know.
Things have been going so smoothly.
Minus one little bump
about the conversion thing.
Like, he was explaining
that part of Purim is this idea
that what was once hidden is now revealed.
And I guess I knew
he was talking about conversion,
and I made some stupid joke
about, like, a crop top.
And he went with it,
and I thought it was fine,
but then now he's asking for a night off.
And I'm worried
maybe he doesn't think I'm serious
about the conversion thing anymore?
I don't know, but I have to yawn.
I think I can help.
I've seen this kind of thing
in my couples' therapy sessions.
You have? Feels pretty specific.
Oh, come on, shh, Joanne.
Just let him work. He's very good.
I actually think this is a good thing.
Really?
Noah asking for a night off
is a sign that you're with someone
who's honestly communicating their needs.
- Mm. I love that.
- [Andy] Mm.
I know. I'm happy
that he's telling me what he wants,
but what if the reason he wants it
is, like, really, really bad?
Yeah. Well, I guess you're doomed.
[jaunty music plays]
Ow! Joanne?
[Noah] So how did you start Temple Ahava?
Yeah, I was actually raised
very conservative,
but it wasn't until I found Ahava
that I was really able
to discover my voice as a rabbi.
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah.
What was it about Ahava,
if you don't mind me asking?
I can't pretend anymore. I'm
I'm fangirling right now a little bit.
I I I love you, man.
I I love your work so much.
- Really? Come on.
- Yeah. No.
I saw the sermon you gave at Tu BiShvat
at Temple Chai a few years back.
It blew my mind.
- It changed the way I mourn.
- My gosh.
I was mourning all wrong.
We got you on our vision board here.
- Goodness.
- You're the hot rabbi!
Stop it. That's so nice to say.
So you were saying
that you grew up conservative.
Yes. My parents were very strict.
Honestly, kind of dicks.
Every fun party in high school is
on a Friday night. I never got to do shit.
- You know. Such a bummer!
- I know. Yes.
I never watched TGIF.
Didn't know who Urkel was till I was 30.
But here, I found a community where we can
take the words that were given to us
thousands of years ago very seriously,
but at the same time,
we can expand on them
to fit modern ideals.
That's really interesting.
I mean, you know, full disclosure,
the words are very important to me.
Are you kidding me?
They're the best words.
- [Noah chuckles]
- Thank you. [laughs]
You're welcome.
Yeah. No, I love the words,
but it doesn't mean we gotta be
weird about 'em. Know what I mean?
- [Noah] Sure.
- Like, for example, my wife, not Jewish.
Very not Jewish.
But she's an active member of the temple.
She can't make challah for shit.
Can't even say challah.
You gotta hit the cha. She's got no cha.
She butchers the word.
She says challah. Like, holla!
But still, everyone loves her around here.
I know someone who can't hit the cha.
The reason, and not to get too personal,
that I left Temple Chai
is because my girlfriend isn't Jewish.
- Look at us.
- What?
- Two peas in a pod. Are you kidding me?
- Wow.
Please get personal.
How's the sex? Tell me everything.
Kidding. You don't have to answer.
I'm just saying, here at Ahava,
you would both be very welcome.
That's so good to hear.
I mean, listen, the hope is
eventually she'll wanna convert,
but I love the idea of a temple that
doesn't put a timetable on her process.
Look, this is going very well, I think.
We're fans. You were on our vision board.
[chuckles] I mean,
we would love to have you here.
If you will "Ahava" us.
[chuckles] Get it?
What do you say?
Do my ladies ♪
I
- Do my, do my ladies run this? ♪
- Yo, yo, yo, yo ♪
All of my girls looking good
And they got their own money ♪
Pop your shit ♪
This for my girls with no sponsor
Got their own funding ♪
Not your shit ♪
Run through your city, that motorcade ♪
[man] Looking good, Noah.
Hey, there he is! Yep.
I'm not always Mr. Nice Guy, you know?
Sometimes I have a little bite.
Uh, a bit of a bad boy, if you
Hey, Sharon, please do not
lean your chair back like that.
You could fall.
[gasps] My princess, come to me, come.
Oh, you look delectable.
- [Joanne] Thank you.
- Where you been? Thought you'd be early.
I have a very full life, Noah.
Of course.
Um, how was your night's sleep without me?
Are you mad about the night off?
No.
I can't believe you're mad.
It was just one night.
It's fine. It's whatever. I have
a lot of bobby pins in my head. Like 60.
Okay. Hey, uh, my parents are gonna be
here any minute. What's the ETA on yours?
My mom texted the family group chat,
"Your dad won't
come out of the closet again!"
So wherever they are,
they're having fun with it.
All right.
- Will you tell me about your interview?
- Yeah, it went really
Uh, one sec. I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
Whoa, wait. All right.
First of all, you could choke.
Second of all, let's just put these
These go here. And then
- With an old friend ♪
- Old friend ♪
But it's like
I've never seen you before ♪
Tried to get my dad to dress similar
so we could lean into the cutthroat
gangster vibe that we have at work.
That's not how I see your job at all.
You're not coming by the office
a lot, are you, Dave?
I was busy watching your lips ♪
Have you always had ♪
Hi, honey.
- Mom, what are you wearing?
- I think it's fun.
- Well, I don't.
- Okay.
Drives me wild, tell me ♪
Oh, hi.
Oh shit.
Oh, now I know why
you wanted to ride separately. Okay.
- I can't believe you're not Queen Esther.
- I can't believe you don't like it.
- No! No, I love it.
- Oh. Okay.
It's like the sexiest break
from tradition ever.
Yeah, I thought about it.
Then I realized I don't wanna be Esther.
I wanna be sexy cat.
Okay.
Maybe I should've been Batman.
We would've matched.
Might be a little bit too close to
my everyday self though. I was very brave.
- I don't like that. Yeah.
- No, okay. No, I was very brave.
[upbeat music plays]
- Looking forward to this, you know?
- Okay.
Mom, Dad, looking great as always.
[Bina] My favorite vampire.
- Yes, yes, let's get you a drink. Come on.
- [Ilan] Yes. Great.
Are you excited to meet Joanne's parents?
Oh, my darling.
I don't understand
why I have to meet these people
if they are not going to be
in our lives long-term.
And what's more,
unless something has changed,
you still don't even know
if Joanne is going to convert.
Pooh, pooh, pooh. They are gonna be
in your lives long-term. Joanne.
- Joanne, honey.
- [Joanne] Yes.
- [Ilan] There she is.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
- [Ilan] Mwah.
Hi.
Hi, darling.
Bina, this outfit is iconic.
Queen Elizabeth II.
The longest-reigning queen in history.
Message received.
[Ilan] Joanne, what do you think, huh?
- I am
- It's You are
- The evil Haman!
- The evil Haman!
Yes.
- [booing]
- [Ilan laughs]
You're supposed to get really drunk
at these things?
[Ilan] Oh, sure, yeah.
One year Noah cried, yeah.
When he drinks,
he gets a little emotional.
Me? You.
You're gonna be weeping like a baby.
Listen, before Joanne's parents get here,
I have something I'd like to share.
I have a bit of news.
You're looking at the newest senior rabbi
of Temple Ahava.
- Oh my God! You got the job?
- [Noah] I did.
- Why didn't you say anything?
- I wanted to tell you together.
- Noah.
- [Ilan] Mazel tov.
- Mazel tov. I'm so proud of you.
- Yeah. Look who's crying now.
Noah, what kind of a temple offers a job
to someone after only one interview?
The kind that doesn't wanna miss out.
I was surprised, too,
but they're less adherent
to a traditional process there.
- It seems to really work for 'em.
- They know a star when they see one.
Look, I know it's more progressive
than you're used to,
but I think it's gonna be
the right place for me.
A woman from my bank goes to Temple Ahava.
Her hair is always a mess.
Close my eyes
Let my imagination go ♪
Watch dandelions blow ♪
Okay, I don't see anyone I know here.
Should we just, like, leave, or
Morgan, we just got here.
Took me an hour and a half
to get into this.
Hey, guys. Oh, 45 minutes late. Not bad.
Ooh, Jell-O shots!
Last time I had one of these,
I sang every song from Mamma Mia.
Cool, Dad.
- Morgan!
- [Morgan] Mm.
Wow. You came dressed as a hooker with
my boyfriend's entire family here. Lovely.
It's actually sex worker.
Everyone knows the only couple's costume
worth doing is Pretty Woman.
[Andy] Yeah.
- Let's go get a real drink, yeah?
- Yes, Julia.
So, Joanne, I did some Purim Googling.
It turns out that Queen Esther
is the hero of the story,
so I thought it'd be a perfect fit.
Naturally. Yep, and, Mom, you look insane.
[chuckles] Thank you, sweetie.
Jewish Halloween, so fun.
You can't call it that.
So where are my future in-laws?
Wow. Uh, maybe don't say that.
Honey, relax.
You're making way too much
of this night off.
Your father and I used to take nights off
from each other all the time.
He loved having his guys' nights
to blow off steam.
I never took it personally.
And some of the time, they really were
just poker nights or whatever.
[Noah] Lynn and Henry Williams,
please meet my parents,
Bina and Ilan Roklov.
- [booing]
- It is so lovely to meet you.
Nice to meet you. Nice to
Who's booing? How rude.
Ah, it's customary to boo
anybody dressed as Haman.
He's the villain of the story. That's me.
Well, you've raised a wonderful son.
He's such a gentleman. Always pays.
- Thank you. I taught him that.
- [Bina chuckles]
And you have raised a daughter
that has come into our lives.
Just like we taught her.
Mm, that's my girl.
[Bina laughs awkwardly]
Who needs a drink?
I do. Mine spilled in the car.
[awkward chuckling]
Straight over there.
[Henry] Ooh.
- Right there.
- [Lynn] It's okay.
Okay. I think that went well.
I mean, I did come into your lives.
Yeah, I thought it would be a bigger deal.
You expect them to book a cruise together
the second they're introduced?
Anyway, we have bigger things to discuss.
- Noah, the job. This is huge.
- Oh, yeah. Okay, all right.
So the interview went great,
and this temple, it's stunning.
I'm gonna tell you
all about it later, okay?
Oh, are we going home together?
Yes, of course. I mean, if you want to.
- Do you want to?
- Come on.
- [man] Noah!
- Hey.
I didn't I didn't ask for two nights off.
Well, I'll think about it.
- [man] Have you met my friend Dave?
- Hey.
I've seen you around.
- You spent time at Temple Chai.
- Mom!
Yeah, of course I have.
[Sasha] Hey, can I get
a virgin sparkling water?
- [Morgan] Hey.
- Hi, how's it going? What's up?
Why are you dressed like Michael Bublé?
I'm not dressed like Michael Bublé.
He doesn't even
- Whatever. He's cool.
- Yeah.
Hey, where's your, uh
Where's your therapist?
Uh, my boyfriend is over there helping
my dad with his wig cap. [clears throat]
- Get you a man who can do both.
- Mm.
How's it going with him?
Not to be annoying,
but the past month of living with him
has been one of the best in my life.
Jesus, you're in deep.
Yeah.
- All right. I'm gonna go talk to him.
- Oh.
- Just make sure we can trust him.
- [scoffs]
Let Daddy handle this.
Ew. Never call yourself Daddy
in front of me again.
- Okay, Mama.
- Ew!
[Joanne sighs]
- [Joanne] Hi. Thank you.
- I never took you for a princess type.
- I told you, it's my shadow self.
- Mm.
Tradwife material, you know?
Plus, if I'm gonna have my revelation,
then I might as well look the part.
Have you ever seen Cinderella?
A girl from a broken home
wants to marry a prince after one date.
Actually, that fits. Very you.
- That is so not me.
- [chuckles]
So when do you think you'll be Jewish?
Like half hour? 45?
The night is young.
Plenty of opportunities to feel it.
God, you guys move slow.
I feel so lucky that Andy and I
don't have those kinds of issues.
Yeah, just your classic, healthy,
no-red-flags-whatsoever relationship.
Mm-hmm.
It's true.
So true.
- Oh, Bina!
- Oh! Hello, dear.
- You look nice.
- And you You look, uh Uh Uh
What? Uh, no No Queen Esther this year?
No, I was changing it up.
I thought this would be cute and funny.
So Esther does not want to be Esther?
That is funny.
[chuckles awkwardly]
[Bina] Listen to me, dear.
I will not say anything to my son,
but between you and me,
I know there is a problem in your house.
[pensive music plays]
[sighs]
I just love that Joanne is with a rabbi.
You know, I consider myself
on a lifelong spiritual journey.
Yeah?
I feel like my soul has had
a thousand different lives, you know?
Yeah, I think I do, actually.
I also believe our souls have memories
beyond our consciousness.
You know, in Judaism,
there's this belief around Mount Sinai.
It's said every Jewish soul,
past, present, and future,
was all there together
for the giving of the Torah.
So whether you were born yesterday
or hundreds of years ago,
we were all on the mountain together.
And to me--
[gasps] Oh my God!
I was there.
I was on the mountain!
I feel it so deeply!
Okay. What What are you saying?
I'm Jewish!
- You sure it's not the wine?
- No!
It's the truest feeling I've ever had!
I was there!
I'm Jewish!
Wow. I have never gotten this reaction
to that story before.
- Oh my God! [laughs]
- Mazel tov!
- Hi. Oh.
- Hey.
What's wrong?
Are you having a heart attack?
- Is it the weight of your boobs?
- I've never been better.
I'm finally myself! [chuckles]
I'm Jewish!
- Mom, that's not a funny joke.
- [Lynn] I'm not joking.
I just had an epiphany.
I mean, the epiphany.
I've been Jewish my whole life.
- And beyond!
- What?
I think your mom
is having a spiritual awakening.
You promised you would stop copying us.
That's Joanne's thing.
I'm not copying anyone!
I was there on the mountain.
And to be honest, I didn't see you.
Oof.
What is happening right now?
I just love that I figured this out
on Jewish Halloween!
- Mom!
- It's okay. A lot of Jews call it that.
[chuckles] Whoo!
This is insane. My mom is always insane,
but this is next-level.
- Well, actually--
- I'm so sorry.
This is like
when she got certified in Reiki
and she'd hover her hands
over people at the grocery store.
- I don't know if it's like that.
- What do you mean?
I'm open to this being real for her.
It's Purim. This kind of thing happens.
Yes, Noah,
you've made me well aware of that.
Hey, look, just 'cause she feels this way
doesn't change anything.
- It might be nice.
- She doesn't stick with things!
That's okay. That's okay.
She might realize that
as soon as she starts the process.
That's what conversion courses are for.
As a rabbi,
I'm supposed to honor her conviction.
We can see where it leads.
Is that okay with you?
I don't know what to say.
'Cause you seem, like, excited about this.
Yeah, anytime anyone connects deeply
to Judaism, it is It is exciting to me.
Let's just go back to the party.
- [Henry] Mazel tov!
- [Bina] Oh yeah!
[Lynn] Oh wow!
So tell me everything.
What exactly happens on Yom Kippur?
Well, for starters, uh,
nothing fun.
[laughs]
You're a riot! I love my new religion.
Bina, your whole thing is fab.
Hair, dress, sash.
Were you a model?
[laughs]
No. You're just trying
to get on my good side.
Maybe.
It might be working. [chuckles]
[Andy] You tell the story!
We both played Kenickie in Grease
in high school.
Same year, only three states away.
We could've gone
to see each other's shows had we known.
That's crazy!
- We have so much in common!
- We have so much in common!
[Morgan] Whoa!
I have to hit the little boys' room.
I'll be right back.
I hope you don't have a best friend.
I'm gunning for that number one spot.
[Andy] "Your mother"!
Isn't he great?
- I love him.
- I know.
[Sasha] We both have distant fathers.
He cracked my back.
- [Morgan] Oh my God.
- He's got a secret deodorant.
He's gonna send me a link.
You guys are so cute already!
[Sasha] I know. I really do.
Like, he smells fantastic.
I got right in there.
My sister has no boundaries.
Do you want me to break it up?
Honestly, it it doesn't even bother me.
Really?
I'm as shocked as you are,
I gotta tell ya.
[chuckles] Your mom!
[Henry] You're sure I'm not
on the mountain? You really looked?
I can check again.
Her conversion's the talk of the party.
You're one step closer to being Jewish.
And yet I feel further away than ever.
Really? Why?
'Cause I've been experiencing
these Jewish rituals for months now.
- And I love them.
- Mm.
But I also love
what I know about Buddhism.
Except for their stance on forgiveness.
And I had a great time
at Burning Man once.
Does that make me a burner?
Noah said
I have to want to convert for myself.
And whatever that feeling is,
I just haven't had it yet.
Hoped maybe it would be revealed today,
like Noah said, but
Well, I guess it was, just for my mother.
Look at her. I don't know.
Maybe you should just fake it?
- What?
- Just fake it.
- Pretend you're feeling the feeling.
- I can't do that.
You're already doing Shabbat.
It's like half of the way there.
Even if I wanted to, Noah and I
don't have that kind of relationship.
- Okay.
- [sighs]
[pensive music plays]
[girls giggle]
[girl] Oh my God, stop it!
[girls laugh]
Ooh ♪
Hey. You know, your costume doesn't
really work as your shadow self, 'cause
you're a princess to me every day.
Thanks. It's kind of itchy.
Okay. That was a pretty cheesy line.
You didn't give me any shit for it.
You still upset? What's going on?
I guess I just thought
today would be special.
It is special.
Just 'cause your mom is having--
It's not about my mom. It's
It's about how the whole thing went down.
Of course I wanted
to feel something today,
but then you said you needed a night off.
Right after you mentioned conversion,
a night off,
like you needed a break
from this whole thing.
And it just
It made me feel
like you don't have any faith in me.
I didn't realize it bothered you so much.
Come here. Come here.
I promise you,
there was no deeper meaning
to the night off, okay?
I thought I needed it to prep
because that's what I've always done
before interviews.
And I have complete faith in you
to feel or not feel
whatever is right for you.
- Really?
- Yes, really.
You don't mind that I didn't have some
big spiritual epiphany like my mom did?
No, not at all.
I love you, okay?
I slept way, way fucking worse
without you.
- You did?
- Yes. It was terrible.
I'm so happy to hear that.
Okay, but listen, um,
if this ever comes up again
- Mm-hmm.
- You can't say you need a night off.
- Okay.
- You may request a sad night away.
- A sad night away?
- [Joanne] Yes.
Got it.
I love you too.
There's one more thing I gotta do
before we can get outta here
and talk about everybody.
That's my favorite part of any party.
[indistinct chatter]
- Do you take
- I don't.
- He's gotta say something.
- Come on. Yep.
Really quick.
I normally tell the Purim story.
Uh, I'm not gonna do that tonight.
I'm gonna spare you
'cause you're too drunk to care. I know.
I'm just gonna briefly say
that I do think,
in part, Purim reminds us
that everything we think we know
can be turned upside down in an instant.
We have no idea
what is gonna happen in our lifetimes.
The possibilities are endless.
And yes, it can be scary, but I think
it can also be exciting, right?
- Yes.
- [Noah] I mean
Sometimes, the best things in our life
are those that we didn't plan for.
[gentle music plays]
So that's it.
Mazel, everyone. Thank you for coming.
- Mazel.
- Mazel.
Okay, let's go home.
I'm sorry. You know what?
Do you mind if I have,
like, a quick couple of words?
- Uh
- No.
No. I Yeah, sure.
Hi, I know I don't know many of you here,
but I'm with the Joanne bunch.
- Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- This is my nightmare.
- Okay.
Noah, your speech, it inspired
a a bit of a revelation inside me,
and I I really have to share this.
- "Greased Lightnin'!"
- "Go Greased Lightnin'"!
"Your mother. Your mother."
[laughs] This is my guy.
Although we've only been dating
for, uh, a short time,
I have had the privilege
of falling in love with this woman.
I have had the privilege
of falling in love with you, Morgan.
And I don't know why I'm feeling this way,
but I just feel
that I never wanna have a night off
from you ever in my life.
- Oh!
- Okay.
Morgan?
- [gasping]
- [man] Oh. Oh!
Mm-mm. No.
Will you marry me?
- [Morgan squeals]
- [crowd] Aw.
- Yes! Yes!
- Yes? Yes.
One thousand times, yes!
I love you! I love you!
Oh my God!
Oh my God, we're getting married!
This is crazy!
[upbeat Wedding March plays]
This is crazy.
- Oh, Morgan!
- Mazel tov.
["Anything Could Happen" plays]
Oh my God!
[breathes deeply]
Stripped to the waist
We fall into the river ♪
Cover your eyes
So you don't know the secret ♪
I've been trying to hide ♪
We held our breath
To see our names are written ♪
On the wreck of '86 ♪
That was the year
I knew the panic was over ♪
Yeah, since we found out ♪
Since we found out ♪
That anything could happen ♪
Anything could happen ♪
Anything could happen
Anything could happen ♪
Anything could happen ♪
Anything could happen
Anything could ♪
[music fades]