Peacemaker (2022) s02e06 Episode Script
Ignorance Is Chris
1
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (KEITH SMITH LAUGHING)
I wanna make a toast
to my goofball son, Chrisper.
- You've had some hard times
- KEITH: Hmm.
but you came out
the other side a better man.
Yeah.
And lucky for us,
you realized that this
gorgeous little lady here
is about the best thing
that ever happened to him.
Hear fucking hear!
- Yeah.
- Here, then.
Such wise words, August.
- KEITH: Mm.
- Yep.
KID 1: You can ask. We'll go with you.
KID 2: I'm nervous.
- Please.
- Please, please, please, please.
- KID 1: Come on, let's go.
- (SOFTLY) Oh boy.
- Come on, come on. Go.
- So uncool.
Mr. Blue Dragon,
uh, can we get a photo
with all you guys?
Absolutely, kids. Gather around.
Blue Dragon loves taking selfies.
Except he's terrible at it.
If you want pictures of your foreheads,
- let him take it.
- Can you believe that?
That's my own son
talking to me like that.
You're giving him way too much respect.
Look, it's a horrible photo.
Can you put me in the picture?
- Yeah, that's a little much.
- Emilia, can you save the day?
All right, all right. I'll take it.
("LITTLE DROPS OF HEAVEN"
BY LITTLE MAIDS PLAYING) ♪
She's a professional selfie person.
All right, get in here. Get in here.
- Here we go.
- All right. You ready?
Everybody say, "Top Trio."
ALL: Top Trio!
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
(SOUND DISTORTS)
(“OH LORD” BY FOXY SHAZAM PLAYING) ♪
Julian, it's a hungry world ♪
They're gonna eat you alive
Son, yeah ♪
Oh, Julian When their fangs sink in ♪
I'll stitch you, but then ♪
I gotta throw you Back in, oh ♪
You just try and sleep
Even though you're alone ♪
You just close your eyes boy
And dream of home ♪
The light is always on
You just keep that in mind ♪
When you wake in the morning
You'll be satisfied ♪
'Cause there is always
A wrong to your right ♪
And there will always be
A war somewhere to fight ♪
And God knows I've had
Some rough fucking years ♪
Oh, oh Lord, oh Lord ♪
Keep on keeping on ♪
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
And God knows I've had ♪
Some rough fuckin' years ♪
Oh, oh Lord, oh Lord ♪
Keep on keeping on ♪
- (SQUAWKS)
- La, la, la, la, la, la ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
(SONG CONCLUDES) ♪
JOHN ECONOMOS: You sure
this is our best option?
ARGUS doesn't know
Vigilante's secret identity,
so if we connect from here,
they won't find it.
Hey, just so you guys know,
- my mom can be a total be-atch.
- Is she going to rat us out?
No.
Well, then we don't
have another choice.
Are you sure you wanna do this?
You can have your whole career back
if you just turn that
silver container into ARGUS.
All you've talked about for months
is getting your job back.
Then we better do it
before I change my mind.
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
John, are you in?
No, I'm not in.
I'm just incredibly susceptible
to peer pressure.
- (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
- (DOOR UNLOCKING, OPENING)
(DOOR CLOSING)
- Adrian!
- Hi, Mom.
We're going to my secret room.
You're not allowed to follow.
Hi, Mrs. Chase.
I'm Lee, Adrian's friend.
- His friend?
- (LAUGHS) Uh-huh.
Oh, Adrian doesn't bring
his friends around very often.
Not since the D&D group broke up.
- Oh.
- He didn't have enough players,
So I became a 40th level cutpurse.
Jesus, Mom,
what part of
"You're not allowed to follow,"
don't you understand?
Oh, I'm sorry, Adrian. I'm so sorry.
If you're sorry,
why are you still coming?
Jesus, fuck.
Anyone else here have a
mom who's a fucking tick
on your dick all the time?
- You must be John.
- Uh-huh.
- VIGILANTE: Jesus!
- You're not that dorky.
(LAUGHS)
And don't tell me. This is Hardcore?
- Shut up, Mom!
- Harcourt, not Hardcore.
- Oh, I thought it was Har
- You're not alone, but no.
Mom, we're going
into my secret room now,
so do you mind? Scoot.
Oh, of course. Of course. I'm sorry.
And I am so sorry if Adrian hurt you.
- Mom, shut up!
- Excuse me?
I was just so excited
that he had a girlfriend.
- Mom, shut up! Shut up.
- Girlfriend?
I don't think that being too slutty
- is any reason to break up.
- VIGILANTE: Mom, stop!
Mom, would you please fuck off?
- Go. Mom!
- I told Adrian
- VIGILANTE: Stop!
- it's a new era.
People have the pornography
on their phone now.
Please fuck off!
- They can't help but be slutty.
- VIGILANTE: Just zip it.
It's up to a mature man
- to teach his partner
- Oh my God.
about how making love
can be a way to connect.
- VIGILANTE: Oh my God.
- Yeah.
You're hurting my brain. Stop! Stop!
I'm sorry.
I guess these lovers' quarrels
are none of my beeswax.
I'll see you all
when you come upstairs.
I'll make sammiches!
Oh, she's great.
(KEYS JINGLING)
Yeah, that was so weird.
She has dementia.
I think she was confusing you
with my other girlfriend.
Weird. Yeah.
Also, sometimes I have to say stuff
to hide that I'm out
doing superhero stuff.
Mm-hmm. Yeah, like I'm slutty?
Well, yeah, I have to base it
in some truth.
(DOOR UNLOCKING)
(LIGHT BUZZING)
(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SOFTLY) Wow.
Holy hell. What in the fuck is this?
Well, you know,
if I bust up a drug ring
or whatever, I just take everything
- and I put it here.
- Why?
VIGILANTE: Because if I give it
to the cops,
there's a good chance they're corrupt
and they could steal it.
Or worse, use it themselves.
Dude, there has to be,
like, millions of dollars here.
Adrian, just last week
you told me you were broke
and asked me to pay for your breakfast.
Well, I'm not gonna use this,
man. (CHUCKLES) No way.
It's blood money, you crazy? (LAUGHS)
(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Yeah, man, you don't want
to deal with blood money,
and that shit goes
to the grave with you.
Trust me.
- Hey, what do you guys think
- (MUSIC STOPS) ♪
the chances are I'll meet
another me in there?
Uh, prob probably not too likely.
But But, um, we should try
to avoid shit like that
just in case we cause
a dimensional disturbance
- and explode or something.
- It might be worth it, though.
How about this?
That should work.
VIGILANTE: Okay, but just be careful.
That's my Beanie Baby collection.
I'm pretty sure the market
is about to bounce back
and they're gonna be worth a shitload.
- (CASE POWERS UP, BEEPS)
- What's with all the ostriches?
VIGILANTE: Stretch?
He's the cutest of them all.
Okay, I think you do this.
- (CASE WHRRING, BEEPING)
- (SUSPENSFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
Okay, everybody move back a little.
Move back? How far back?
LEOTA ADEBAYO: Just go
all the way to the wall.
- (CASE WHIRRING LOUDLY)
- Goddammit.
This is fucked.
We are fucked, man. We are insane.
- (LOW-PITCH TONE TRILLING)
- (MUSIC INTENSIFYING) ♪
HARCOURT: Yeah, I know.
ADEBAYO: And
- (CASE WHIRRING RAPIDLY)
- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(DOLLAR BILLS FLAPPING)
Is this what it's supposed to do?
(ALL EXCLAIM)
- (ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
- (ADEBAYO GROANS)
- (GROANS)
- (ECONOMOS SIGHS)
- (COUGHS)
- Oh, what the fuck!
I have fucking cocaine all over me!
Fuck, Adrian!
Why can't you fucking
flush your drugs down the toilet
like a normal person?
VIGILANTE: Because of the alligators
in the sewer system,
you callous piece of shit.
- ECONOMOUS: What?
- Oh my God.
VIGILANTE: As if the addiction epidemic
facing the country isn't bad enough,
he also wants the alligators
in the sewers to be junkies.
- You're a moron.
- VIGILANTE: What the fuck
does that have to do with alligators?
- (INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- VIGIALNTE: Speaking of which,
does anyone want to quiz me
on alligator facts?
ALL: No.
VIGILANTE: That seemed rehearsed.
This is unbelievable.
VIGILANTE: Okay, how about
I just spit out alligator facts
until there's one you know,
and then whoever knows it, takes over?
No, Adrian. Stop it. Come on.
How could Chris not tell us
about any of this?
He said it was like me being Methodist.
- Huh?
- ADEBAYO: It was so normal to him.
He grew up with it, so he didn't
think twice about it.
VIGILANTE: Alligators have
four stomachs.
That's cows.
Jesus fucking Christ.
- Hi.
- ECONOMOS: Don't wave at it.
- (THUD)
- Why? I'm being friendly.
You don't know
what waving means to that thing.
The peace sign means
"fuck you" in England
and we speak the same fucking language.
It means "up yours," not "fuck you."
Oh, okay. Well, I'll be sure
in pointing out the nuances
to the Xenomorph over there
after he rips your head off
for telling him
his favorite son should die
'cause that's what
fucking waving means.
What are you fucking doing?
VIGILANTE: Waving means
your favorite son should die?
- No.
- ECONOMOS: No.
VIGILANTE: That's such a simple gesture
to mean something so complicated
that you'll hardly ever say.
EMILIA HARCOURT: How do we know
where Chris went?
He said there was a lock on the door
like the one back there
and a rack of Peacemaker helmets.
We just need to look for that.
- (INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (SIGHS)
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- (DOOR OPENING)
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
- Hey, Chief.
- RICK FLAG SENIOR: Yeah?
In addition to losing Peacemaker,
Economos and Emilia Harcourt
are both MIA.
Jesus Christ.
Has Judomaster made any contact?
No. Can't find him either.
Oh, fuck me, man!
We need to find Peacemaker.
I don't think you understand
how important this is
to the United States,
to the world.
Well, I don't know the protocol.
- Should we put out an APB on
- Just stop. Just stop.
Don't do anything.
Just give me a second to think.
(SIGHS)
Hmm.
Hmm.
You're kidding me, right?
Alone.
- Please.
- Oh. Okay.
Cool.
(WHISPERS) Fucking idiots.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(DOOR CLOSING)
(PHONE BEEPS)
Jessica, have the jet prepped
to leave for St. Roch,
Louisiana in a half hour.
I want you to call the
warden of Belle Reve Prison.
You tell him I'm coming
to meet a prisoner.
- (MACHINES BEEPING)
- Guys.
Guys, come over here.
Yo, can you hear me? Hey!
Wow.
I guess that rules out this being
a figment of Chris's imagination.
Yeah.
Hey, John, can you hack this lock?
Not without all my shit.
VIGILANTE: 2-6-1-0-1-1.
What?
VIGILANTE: That's Chris's dad's
code. I'm guessing it's the same.
Say it again.
-VIGILANTE: 2-6-1-0-1-1
-(KEYPAD BEEPING)
- (KEYPAD CHIMES)
- (DOOR UNLOCKS)
- (PORTAL WARBLING)
- (INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
ADEBAYO: No wonder Chris likes it here.
Top of the town.
ECONOMOS: Nice digs.
Reverse Peacemaker's rolling in it.
How the heck are we
supposed to find him?
I don't know.
Maybe just find some place
to camp out here until he's back.
VIGILANTE: Don't you think I should go
and see if there's
another me somewhere?
Why would you do that?
VIGILANTE: Well, because
maybe I'm best friends
with Peacemaker here, too.
That's probably a constant
throughout the multiverse.
And I bet Vigilante 2 is a rad guy
- who could help us out.
- I wouldn't count on that.
Chris's doppelganger tried to kill him.
VIGILANTE: (LAUGHS) I know.
I helped him incinerate
his corpse. (CHUCKLES)
- (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (HARCOURT SIGHS)
(WHISPERING) Fucking creepy.
This is fucked up.
This whole fucking thing
is really fucking wrong, Ads.
There's no way Chris should be here.
Like, maybe just trust
in the wisdom of the universe
just a little bit.
It put us in a completely
different dimension
- KEITH: Emilia?
- (MUSIC INTENSIFYING) ♪
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
Sorry, I just took a shit in there.
- It's, uh, rancid.
- Oh.
So what's up? How's it going?
(HESITATES) Uh, good. Good.
I thought you were with Chris.
I was. I was. But, you know, uh
He said he was heading to ARGUS.
I figured you two just
would be together. (CHUCKLES)
No. No, no, no.
He dropped me off here
so that I could, uh
pick up, um
this thing
for him.
Why would he want you to get that?
Right? (SCOFFS)
Yeah, I mean, he said, you know,
take this thing and, uh,
put it on your desk, so
You know, you, um, you shake it
and then snow comes.
That's what most snow globes do.
(CHUCKLES) Right?
Yeah, why was he so weird about it?
Our mother gave him
that on her deathbed.
- Oh.
- KEITH: So I'm just
kind of surprised
he's giving it to you.
Me too. Um
Yeah. Well, uh
I guess I should get going
back to work.
I'm I'm heading to ARGUS
if you want a ride.
Oh.
- I
- (INAUDIBLE)
Okay, sure. Why not?
(LAUGHS) You know, it's wild.
I've never seen you wear black before.
- HARCOURT: No?
- No.
- Or pants.
- HARCOURT: Pants?
What, I'm always in
my fucking underwear?
KEITH: (LAUGHING) You're just
as weird as your boyfriend is.
Uh, you got white stuff
in your hair, by the way.
HARCOURT: Thanks for pointing that out.
(WHISPERING) What'd she do that for?
VIGILANTE: Maybe she's hoping
- he'll lead her straight to Chris.
- (DOOR OPENING)
Who was that?
That was Chris's dead brother, Keith.
Oh, no. Are you fucking kidding me?
- No.
- (GROANS IN DISCOMFORT)
- (GAGS) Oh my God.
- Uh-uh.
- (RETCHES)
- Yo.
- (RETCHES LOUDLY)
- Oh my God.
- Don't throw up, man.
- (ECONOMOS GROANS)
Why is that making you throw up?
It's too fucking weird.
Being weird doesn't
make normal people throw up.
I've never even heard of that.
ECONOMOS: (IN STRAINED VOICE)
It happens all the time.
VIGILANTE: I thought it was neat
to meet someone dead.
Also, not normal.
We We should turn back.
Go back and forget this shit.
And just leave Harcourt here, too.
- Get the fuck out of here.
- VIGILANTE: Right.
What I think we need to
do is divide and conquer.
- No.
- VIGILANTE: I should go
- and find my other self
- No!
- (GROANS)
- and question him about Peacemaker. Why no?
Adrian, yesterday
you were crying in my arms
- because Chris left us.
- VIGILANTE: No, I wasn't.
- (RETCHES)
- Okay.
VIGILANTE: I wasn't crying.
That wasn't crying, Ads.
I gave you a hug to comfort you.
- You were crying like a little baby!
- (SCOFFS)
All right, whatever the case,
it seems like now
you don't even care about Chris.
You just want to meet your other self.
Maybe we just stay here forever.
Wow, that's a sharp left turn.
VIGILANTE: I mean,
everything I like is here.
Eagly, Peacemaker,
you guys, another me.
I mean, if they have manta rays
and crows, I'm good to go.
We are going back after we get Chris,
- and now Harcourt.
- VIGILANTE: Okay, well,
then I need to go find
myself and question him.
ADEBAYO: No, Adrian, come on, man.
VIGILANT: I'll be right back.
I won't be long.
- (SIGHS)
- (ECONOMOS GAGS)
(GAGS)
Come the fuck on.
("FOREVER & ONE"
BY HELLOWEEN PLAYING) ♪
What can I do ♪
Will I be getting through ♪
Now that I must try ♪
To leave it all behind ♪
Did you see
What you have done to me ♪
So hard ♪
(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS) ♪
(CHUCKLES) You like Helloween?
- Helloween?
- Yeah.
They say it's between them
and the Beatles.
For what?
Greatest rock band ever.
I mean, I know. It's a stupid argument.
It's subjective.
But to me, Helloween, I mean,
they might have all the hits,
but they didn't revolutionize
rock and roll
the way that Mick,
Paul, George, and Ringo did.
- Mick?
- Jagger?
Lead singer of the Beatles?
- (SCOFFS) Right. Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Sorry. (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS) It's
God, Chris is spot-on about you.
You spent all those years in books.
You don't know the first thing
about the most basic
of pop culture trivia. (CHUCKLES)
I mean, I love it.
'Cause me and Chris, God,
we need you to class us up.
(CHUCKLES) Really.
Yep.
Yeah, I've spent
my whole life in books.
Forever and one I will miss you ♪
However, I kiss you ♪
Hey, Keith wanted me
to go down to ARGUS
to fill out some paperwork
on the Kaiju fight.
You want me to wait?
You want me to meet you down there?
No, no worries. You go ahead.
I'll meet you there.
I've got some stuff
to take care of here.
Tomorrow I'll still be crying ♪
- (SOUND DISTORTS)
- How could you hide ♪
- Your lies, your lies ♪
- (NORMAL SOUND RESUMES)
Oh. (GRUNTS)
(UPBEAT GUITAR SOLO PLAYING) ♪
Forever and one I will miss you ♪
- (BARKS)
- (SONG ENDS ABRUPTLY) ♪
GUARD: Whoa, whoa, girl!
Eva! Eva! Heel! Heel!
I'm sorry, miss.
Eva detects an illicit substance.
I'm gonna need you to hold right there.
(SOFTLY) Fucking Adrian.
(LAUGHS) Hey, guys,
I'm sure there's just been
a misunderstanding here.
GUARD: I'm sure, sir.
But I'm gonna need you
to come with me, miss.
I I'm sorry.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SIGHS)
I'm so sorry, Miss Harcourt.
(SECURITY GATE CHIMES)
Don't worry, we'll get you out of this.
(SECURITY GATE BEEPS)
- I'll get this back to you.
- Shove it up your ass.
Right this way, miss.
(MUSIC SWELLING) ♪
VIGILANTE: Oh my gosh! My house
looks almost exactly the same.
(LAUGHING) So cool.
(QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(LAUGHING)
What?
Who are you guys? (LAUGHS)
You're a chipmunk in my world. (LAUGHS)
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
What (LAUGHS) What is this?
Did I make you? Supposed to be
a snake, not a dragon.
(GASPS, LAUGHS)
What? But there's supposed
to be three! Why are there six?
What do six cats
have to talk about? (LAUGHS)
Oh my God, what the fuck is this? Oh.
They spell it just
a little differently.
Oh my God, that's amazing.
I'm keeping this shit.
(PRESENTER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV)
(LAUGHS) My Dad's not gay here.
- (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Oh. (LAUGHS)
Huh.
- (LOCK CLICKS)
- VIGILANTE: (LAUGHS) No way.
- (LOCK CLICKS)
- VIGILANTE: Are you kidding me?
(CHUCKLES)
- (LOCK CLICKS)
- VIGILANTE: (LAUGHING) Oh, yes.
Unbelievable.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Uh Hello?
- What the fuck?
- (VIGILANTE LAUGHS)
Who are you, and why are you here?
VIGILANTE: Oh. Dude, hold on.
Hold on, hold on, dude. Dude.
It's me.
I'm you from another dimension.
My keys worked to get in here.
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- (UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- No!
- Holy shit!
- Hey! Oh!
- (LAUGHS) We
BOTH: We Spider-Man meme'd!
- Oh! (LAUGHS)
- Hey! (LAUGHING) Hey! Hey!
- Hey!
- Hey!
So we're just supposed to wait here
until they get back?
What else are we gonna do?
We should probably wait
back in our world,
don't you think?
I mean, what if the White Dragon
shows up?
Dude, why did you even come?
- (EAGLY SCREECHING)
- (OBJECTS THUDDING)
(OBJECTS RATTLING)
- ADEBAYO: Eagly!
- (SCREECHES)
- Ugh.
- Dude, what are you doing?
- Creating a mess.
- (CHIRPS, SQUAWKS)
Oh, boy.
God. (GROANS)
Ugh.
Yo, we gotta clean this up.
Oh, we're traveling between dimensions
- to clean up Eagly's bullshit?
- (SCREECHES)
- Fuck, Jesus.
- Okay, all right.
(DOOR BUZZING)
- (DISTANT CHATTER)
- (SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(DOOR LOCKING)
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
General Flag.
What an unexpected delight.
Lex.
LEX LUTHOR: Last time I saw you,
you were denying
metahumans were a threat.
And now it seems
they're taking over the world.
Sort of, yeah.
You have the Justice Gang and Superman
determining international politics.
Meanwhile,
I'm here in Belle Reve listening
to a bear-sized man with dragon skin
butt-fucking a glowing twink
with cartoon eyes
in a cell beside me every night.
I did everything I could
to eradicate the metahuman blight,
and now I'm enshrouded
in it for the next
(INHALES SHARPLY)
What did the judge say?
Two hundred and sixty-five years.
What if I can get you
transferred to another prison?
- What kind of other prison?
- One with no metahumans.
I see you need my help,
and you're here to barter.
Well, if you're willing to start
with an offer of choicer surroundings,
then where you end will
undoubtedly be significantly better.
So why don't you just start
with your final offer
and not waste either of our times?
You won't be able to outmaneuver me
in negotiations, General.
I don't even know if you can
give me what I need, Lex.
Then, by all means,
what is it you're looking for?
You heard of Peacemaker?
- Meta?
- FLAG: No.
Just a costumed vigilante.
Then who gives a shit?
Being goofy is no threat.
But he's in possession of some
kind of dimensional portal.
He's able to move it around.
Keeps popping
in and out of the Maridal Radar.
Huh.
I need to find it.
Why?
Well, for one thing,
I don't need another rift
tearing apart half the city.
Oh. That hurts.
But I have another idea.
One which could be
beneficial for all of us.
(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
So, if I had a scanner,
say, that could pinpoint
the location of that portal,
that would be of use?
Yes, it would.
Enough to give me my freedom.
(SCOFFS) Not a fucking chance.
Not gonna happen, Lex.
Then what could I get?
What is the United States government
willing to give me to stop this clown?
An opportunity for redemption.
I'm listening.
PEACEMAKER: Oh, thanks, man.
Hey, thanks.
I appreciate you letting me in.
I know it's not protocol.
Are they letting me out of here
or what?
What are you doing?
How'd you even get here?
What the fuck is going on?
What are you doing, Chris?
I told you. I wrote the letter.
That letter was bullshit.
It was fucking heartfelt!
Fuck that shit!
I fucking forgave you
for double-crossing me.
I didn't fucking
double-cross you, Chris.
- I saved your goddamn life.
- What?
A cyborg had a gun pointed at your head
and was about to take you out.
The only way that I could save you
was to do what I did.
- And you should have fucking known that.
- (HAND BANGING ON TABLE)
You should know
that I would never, ever
do something like that to you.
- Sorry.
- And so that hurt my feelings,
to be honest.
You want to talk about feelings.
Jesus, fuck, I said sorry!
How many times
do you want me to say it?
At least give me fucking twice.
Okay.
Are they letting me out of here?
(SIGHS) You didn't have
any drugs on you.
I trust your blood
isn't gonna test positive?
Of course not.
Yeah, so I think so.
Why were you covered in cocaine?
Because Vigilante's a moron
and has Al Capone's vault
in his basement.
Never been. Heard about it.
A lot of Beanie Babies?
Not as many as kilos of fentanyl.
- Why are you here?
- We're all here, Chris.
To get you to come back.
Me, Ads, Adrian, even Economos.
You can't do this, man.
This isn't where you belong.
Hey, I tried to talk to you
about this in the park.
In the park,
surrounded by agents
with guns pointed at your head.
That's where you wanted
to have a real heart-to-heart?
Fine! Let's talk about it now.
Why don't you tell me how you feel?
What?
About what happened on the boat.
Oh my God. (LAUGHS SARDONICALLY)
It's always the boat.
You can't even talk about it.
That's the thing.
And you never even told me
about you and Rick Flag Junior.
I know.
So, what, you guys were a thing?
He was my friend,
and he had a girlfriend.
But I guess, yeah, we had a thing,
as mortifying as that is to say.
This whole time, I've been trying
to get close to somebody
whose boyfriend I killed.
- He wasn't my boyfriend.
- PEACEMAKER: Yeah.
HARCOURT: I didn't hide it, Chris.
I made my disdain for you pretty
apparent when we first met.
Yeah.
That changed, of course. I
- I know you don't hate me.
- I know you know I don't.
(SOFT GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
But I'm in love with you, Emilia.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, I figured.
(SIGHS) You know,
can we just talk
about that then, maybe?
Just tell me the truth.
Do you have feelings about me or not?
So what? So you're going to stay here
if I don't and come home if I do?
See? You just keep talking around it.
(SHOUTING) Chris,
I'm a fucking nightmare!
- I don't care.
- I do, okay?
I don't have access
to my feelings like you do.
So So you're right,
what you said
on the roof the other night.
What I do is I go
and I get in bar fights.
- I know.
- Just so I can fucking feel something.
And I still love you.
Are you coming back or not?
- I can't.
- Yes, you can.
Emilia, my dad
my brother.
You know, I (SIGHS)
- I like the other you, you know?
- (EXHALES SHARPLY)
She's nice. She's not you.
But I can't just run out
on these people.
(SIGHS)
(SOFTLY) Fucking bullshit.
- (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Blood tested negative for drugs.
She's clear to go.
(HARCOURT SIGHS)
(FOOT TAPPING ON FLOOR)
- (DOOR CLOSING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER ON RADIO)
SASHA BORDEAUX: Did he give you
what you need?
- He did.
- And in return?
We're going to transfer him
to Van Kull.
- And?
- Not much else.
Other than now we're
partners with Lex Luthor.
(VIGILANTE 2 LAUGHING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Okay, here's one.
What's the best Pokémon?
- Infernape!
- Yes!
Oh! Oh! What's the best thing
to press your face against?
- Shag carpeting.
- Yes!
But what's the worst thing
to softly touch you?
Ugh. Human skin.
Yes.
What's the coolest thing
about a platypus?
BOTH: Poisonous spike
on the back of his ankles!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Are you able to pee if
something's touching your butt?
No way, and I look down
upon people who can.
Right?
Do you ever look up at the clouds,
and you see a face in the
clouds looking down at you,
and you go, "This isn't
a figment of my imagination,
that's a cloud man looking down at me,
and now I have to go inside
so he can't see me?"
Every day. Is your favorite color teal?
(LAUGHING) Yes.
Is your favorite food Malt-O-Meal?
(LAUGHING) Yes. Does your hair
look best at 3:00 p.m.?
Yes. Is your best friend Peacemaker?
- Peacemaker?
- Yes.
- I fucking hate that guy.
- What?
I've dedicated my entire life
to tearing down
everything he stands for.
You're friends with Peacemaker?
Yes. He's He's my BFF.
We're two peas in a pod.
Peacemaker! Christopher Smith!
- Yeah.
- He's my fucking archenemy.
He's the reason
I joined the Sons of Liberty
- in the first place.
- The what?
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Wanna go for a walk?
No way.
Just around the block, John.
Clear our heads.
It's safer than in here.
- I'm staying.
- Fine. Suit yourself.
Oh, that's not trash.
- (CROWS CAWING)
- (BIRDS CHRIPING)
(TENSE MUSIC OVERLAPPING) ♪
- (DOOR OPENING, CLOSING)
- (AUGGIE SMITH COUGHS)
- (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (CLEARS THROAT)
(BREATHES SHAKILY)
- (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
- Hey, Billy, how's it going?
Uh
- (SECURITY GATE BEEPS)
- Um
Miss Harcourt? Miss Harcourt!
You don't notice anything weird here?
No, like what?
(TRUCK ENGINE REVVING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(PANTS) She's there!
(TRUCK ENGINE REVVING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
I haven't seen a single person of color
- ever since I've been here.
- (SCOFFS) No way.
(MUSIC INTENSIFYING) ♪
One got out! A Black!
- What?
- (CAR HORN HONKING)
- (HORN CONTINUES HONKING)
- (SHOUTING) Hey!
- (CAR HORN HONKING RAPIDLY)
- (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
- Stop her!
- I've got her!
- What the fuck? (SCREAMS)
- (YELLS)
(OMINOUS MUSIC OVERLAPPING) ♪
Fuck me.
This is your perfect world, huh?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (YELLS)
- (GROANS)
- No! No! No! Ah!
- (GRUNTS)
(SCREAMS) My fucking hand, bro!
- Who the fuck are you?
- I'm John Economos.
I'm from another dimension.
I'm here to get our friend Peacemaker,
who's your son,
but he's not really your son.
I guess he killed your son.
Fuck, I am saying way too much.
Oh, fuck!
("PRESENCE OF MIND"
BY DYNAZTY PLAYING) ♪
Guards, arrest that woman.
That isn't me.
(INTENSE GUITAR
INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING) ♪
(INDISTINCT CLAMOR)
(PANTS) Oh, shit! (SCREAMS)
How could I ever reconcile ♪
Feel it was all worthwhile ♪
Let's cut through
Dead set to uncover ♪
There's no point In denying it ♪
Let's all be real 'bout this ♪
As we sin we begin to suffer ♪
This is where we crash And burn ♪
This is where we start To learn ♪
Ground zero this fear
Of your presence of mind ♪
Where the mind plans To perfect ♪
We'll emerge and we reset ♪
Ground zero this fear
Of your presence of mind ♪
Huh! ♪
Presence of mind ♪
Oh, yeah ♪
(SONG CONCLUDES) ♪
That's what our mother gave him
on her deathbed.
Yeah, she was a lovely lady.
- Yeah, she was really nice to me.
- Mm.
We had a great connection, she and I.
She passed away when he was two.
(INAUDIBLE)
Right. Yeah, we talk to her sometimes.
In the afterlife?
Yes, she's a ghost.
Okay.
HARCOURT: She, uh, haunts.
sync & corrections awaqeded
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (KEITH SMITH LAUGHING)
I wanna make a toast
to my goofball son, Chrisper.
- You've had some hard times
- KEITH: Hmm.
but you came out
the other side a better man.
Yeah.
And lucky for us,
you realized that this
gorgeous little lady here
is about the best thing
that ever happened to him.
Hear fucking hear!
- Yeah.
- Here, then.
Such wise words, August.
- KEITH: Mm.
- Yep.
KID 1: You can ask. We'll go with you.
KID 2: I'm nervous.
- Please.
- Please, please, please, please.
- KID 1: Come on, let's go.
- (SOFTLY) Oh boy.
- Come on, come on. Go.
- So uncool.
Mr. Blue Dragon,
uh, can we get a photo
with all you guys?
Absolutely, kids. Gather around.
Blue Dragon loves taking selfies.
Except he's terrible at it.
If you want pictures of your foreheads,
- let him take it.
- Can you believe that?
That's my own son
talking to me like that.
You're giving him way too much respect.
Look, it's a horrible photo.
Can you put me in the picture?
- Yeah, that's a little much.
- Emilia, can you save the day?
All right, all right. I'll take it.
("LITTLE DROPS OF HEAVEN"
BY LITTLE MAIDS PLAYING) ♪
She's a professional selfie person.
All right, get in here. Get in here.
- Here we go.
- All right. You ready?
Everybody say, "Top Trio."
ALL: Top Trio!
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
(SOUND DISTORTS)
(“OH LORD” BY FOXY SHAZAM PLAYING) ♪
Julian, it's a hungry world ♪
They're gonna eat you alive
Son, yeah ♪
Oh, Julian When their fangs sink in ♪
I'll stitch you, but then ♪
I gotta throw you Back in, oh ♪
You just try and sleep
Even though you're alone ♪
You just close your eyes boy
And dream of home ♪
The light is always on
You just keep that in mind ♪
When you wake in the morning
You'll be satisfied ♪
'Cause there is always
A wrong to your right ♪
And there will always be
A war somewhere to fight ♪
And God knows I've had
Some rough fucking years ♪
Oh, oh Lord, oh Lord ♪
Keep on keeping on ♪
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
And God knows I've had ♪
Some rough fuckin' years ♪
Oh, oh Lord, oh Lord ♪
Keep on keeping on ♪
- (SQUAWKS)
- La, la, la, la, la, la ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
(SONG CONCLUDES) ♪
JOHN ECONOMOS: You sure
this is our best option?
ARGUS doesn't know
Vigilante's secret identity,
so if we connect from here,
they won't find it.
Hey, just so you guys know,
- my mom can be a total be-atch.
- Is she going to rat us out?
No.
Well, then we don't
have another choice.
Are you sure you wanna do this?
You can have your whole career back
if you just turn that
silver container into ARGUS.
All you've talked about for months
is getting your job back.
Then we better do it
before I change my mind.
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
John, are you in?
No, I'm not in.
I'm just incredibly susceptible
to peer pressure.
- (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
- (DOOR UNLOCKING, OPENING)
(DOOR CLOSING)
- Adrian!
- Hi, Mom.
We're going to my secret room.
You're not allowed to follow.
Hi, Mrs. Chase.
I'm Lee, Adrian's friend.
- His friend?
- (LAUGHS) Uh-huh.
Oh, Adrian doesn't bring
his friends around very often.
Not since the D&D group broke up.
- Oh.
- He didn't have enough players,
So I became a 40th level cutpurse.
Jesus, Mom,
what part of
"You're not allowed to follow,"
don't you understand?
Oh, I'm sorry, Adrian. I'm so sorry.
If you're sorry,
why are you still coming?
Jesus, fuck.
Anyone else here have a
mom who's a fucking tick
on your dick all the time?
- You must be John.
- Uh-huh.
- VIGILANTE: Jesus!
- You're not that dorky.
(LAUGHS)
And don't tell me. This is Hardcore?
- Shut up, Mom!
- Harcourt, not Hardcore.
- Oh, I thought it was Har
- You're not alone, but no.
Mom, we're going
into my secret room now,
so do you mind? Scoot.
Oh, of course. Of course. I'm sorry.
And I am so sorry if Adrian hurt you.
- Mom, shut up!
- Excuse me?
I was just so excited
that he had a girlfriend.
- Mom, shut up! Shut up.
- Girlfriend?
I don't think that being too slutty
- is any reason to break up.
- VIGILANTE: Mom, stop!
Mom, would you please fuck off?
- Go. Mom!
- I told Adrian
- VIGILANTE: Stop!
- it's a new era.
People have the pornography
on their phone now.
Please fuck off!
- They can't help but be slutty.
- VIGILANTE: Just zip it.
It's up to a mature man
- to teach his partner
- Oh my God.
about how making love
can be a way to connect.
- VIGILANTE: Oh my God.
- Yeah.
You're hurting my brain. Stop! Stop!
I'm sorry.
I guess these lovers' quarrels
are none of my beeswax.
I'll see you all
when you come upstairs.
I'll make sammiches!
Oh, she's great.
(KEYS JINGLING)
Yeah, that was so weird.
She has dementia.
I think she was confusing you
with my other girlfriend.
Weird. Yeah.
Also, sometimes I have to say stuff
to hide that I'm out
doing superhero stuff.
Mm-hmm. Yeah, like I'm slutty?
Well, yeah, I have to base it
in some truth.
(DOOR UNLOCKING)
(LIGHT BUZZING)
(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SOFTLY) Wow.
Holy hell. What in the fuck is this?
Well, you know,
if I bust up a drug ring
or whatever, I just take everything
- and I put it here.
- Why?
VIGILANTE: Because if I give it
to the cops,
there's a good chance they're corrupt
and they could steal it.
Or worse, use it themselves.
Dude, there has to be,
like, millions of dollars here.
Adrian, just last week
you told me you were broke
and asked me to pay for your breakfast.
Well, I'm not gonna use this,
man. (CHUCKLES) No way.
It's blood money, you crazy? (LAUGHS)
(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Yeah, man, you don't want
to deal with blood money,
and that shit goes
to the grave with you.
Trust me.
- Hey, what do you guys think
- (MUSIC STOPS) ♪
the chances are I'll meet
another me in there?
Uh, prob probably not too likely.
But But, um, we should try
to avoid shit like that
just in case we cause
a dimensional disturbance
- and explode or something.
- It might be worth it, though.
How about this?
That should work.
VIGILANTE: Okay, but just be careful.
That's my Beanie Baby collection.
I'm pretty sure the market
is about to bounce back
and they're gonna be worth a shitload.
- (CASE POWERS UP, BEEPS)
- What's with all the ostriches?
VIGILANTE: Stretch?
He's the cutest of them all.
Okay, I think you do this.
- (CASE WHRRING, BEEPING)
- (SUSPENSFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
Okay, everybody move back a little.
Move back? How far back?
LEOTA ADEBAYO: Just go
all the way to the wall.
- (CASE WHIRRING LOUDLY)
- Goddammit.
This is fucked.
We are fucked, man. We are insane.
- (LOW-PITCH TONE TRILLING)
- (MUSIC INTENSIFYING) ♪
HARCOURT: Yeah, I know.
ADEBAYO: And
- (CASE WHIRRING RAPIDLY)
- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(DOLLAR BILLS FLAPPING)
Is this what it's supposed to do?
(ALL EXCLAIM)
- (ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
- (ADEBAYO GROANS)
- (GROANS)
- (ECONOMOS SIGHS)
- (COUGHS)
- Oh, what the fuck!
I have fucking cocaine all over me!
Fuck, Adrian!
Why can't you fucking
flush your drugs down the toilet
like a normal person?
VIGILANTE: Because of the alligators
in the sewer system,
you callous piece of shit.
- ECONOMOUS: What?
- Oh my God.
VIGILANTE: As if the addiction epidemic
facing the country isn't bad enough,
he also wants the alligators
in the sewers to be junkies.
- You're a moron.
- VIGILANTE: What the fuck
does that have to do with alligators?
- (INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- VIGIALNTE: Speaking of which,
does anyone want to quiz me
on alligator facts?
ALL: No.
VIGILANTE: That seemed rehearsed.
This is unbelievable.
VIGILANTE: Okay, how about
I just spit out alligator facts
until there's one you know,
and then whoever knows it, takes over?
No, Adrian. Stop it. Come on.
How could Chris not tell us
about any of this?
He said it was like me being Methodist.
- Huh?
- ADEBAYO: It was so normal to him.
He grew up with it, so he didn't
think twice about it.
VIGILANTE: Alligators have
four stomachs.
That's cows.
Jesus fucking Christ.
- Hi.
- ECONOMOS: Don't wave at it.
- (THUD)
- Why? I'm being friendly.
You don't know
what waving means to that thing.
The peace sign means
"fuck you" in England
and we speak the same fucking language.
It means "up yours," not "fuck you."
Oh, okay. Well, I'll be sure
in pointing out the nuances
to the Xenomorph over there
after he rips your head off
for telling him
his favorite son should die
'cause that's what
fucking waving means.
What are you fucking doing?
VIGILANTE: Waving means
your favorite son should die?
- No.
- ECONOMOS: No.
VIGILANTE: That's such a simple gesture
to mean something so complicated
that you'll hardly ever say.
EMILIA HARCOURT: How do we know
where Chris went?
He said there was a lock on the door
like the one back there
and a rack of Peacemaker helmets.
We just need to look for that.
- (INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (SIGHS)
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- (DOOR OPENING)
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
- Hey, Chief.
- RICK FLAG SENIOR: Yeah?
In addition to losing Peacemaker,
Economos and Emilia Harcourt
are both MIA.
Jesus Christ.
Has Judomaster made any contact?
No. Can't find him either.
Oh, fuck me, man!
We need to find Peacemaker.
I don't think you understand
how important this is
to the United States,
to the world.
Well, I don't know the protocol.
- Should we put out an APB on
- Just stop. Just stop.
Don't do anything.
Just give me a second to think.
(SIGHS)
Hmm.
Hmm.
You're kidding me, right?
Alone.
- Please.
- Oh. Okay.
Cool.
(WHISPERS) Fucking idiots.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(DOOR CLOSING)
(PHONE BEEPS)
Jessica, have the jet prepped
to leave for St. Roch,
Louisiana in a half hour.
I want you to call the
warden of Belle Reve Prison.
You tell him I'm coming
to meet a prisoner.
- (MACHINES BEEPING)
- Guys.
Guys, come over here.
Yo, can you hear me? Hey!
Wow.
I guess that rules out this being
a figment of Chris's imagination.
Yeah.
Hey, John, can you hack this lock?
Not without all my shit.
VIGILANTE: 2-6-1-0-1-1.
What?
VIGILANTE: That's Chris's dad's
code. I'm guessing it's the same.
Say it again.
-VIGILANTE: 2-6-1-0-1-1
-(KEYPAD BEEPING)
- (KEYPAD CHIMES)
- (DOOR UNLOCKS)
- (PORTAL WARBLING)
- (INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
ADEBAYO: No wonder Chris likes it here.
Top of the town.
ECONOMOS: Nice digs.
Reverse Peacemaker's rolling in it.
How the heck are we
supposed to find him?
I don't know.
Maybe just find some place
to camp out here until he's back.
VIGILANTE: Don't you think I should go
and see if there's
another me somewhere?
Why would you do that?
VIGILANTE: Well, because
maybe I'm best friends
with Peacemaker here, too.
That's probably a constant
throughout the multiverse.
And I bet Vigilante 2 is a rad guy
- who could help us out.
- I wouldn't count on that.
Chris's doppelganger tried to kill him.
VIGILANTE: (LAUGHS) I know.
I helped him incinerate
his corpse. (CHUCKLES)
- (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (HARCOURT SIGHS)
(WHISPERING) Fucking creepy.
This is fucked up.
This whole fucking thing
is really fucking wrong, Ads.
There's no way Chris should be here.
Like, maybe just trust
in the wisdom of the universe
just a little bit.
It put us in a completely
different dimension
- KEITH: Emilia?
- (MUSIC INTENSIFYING) ♪
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
Sorry, I just took a shit in there.
- It's, uh, rancid.
- Oh.
So what's up? How's it going?
(HESITATES) Uh, good. Good.
I thought you were with Chris.
I was. I was. But, you know, uh
He said he was heading to ARGUS.
I figured you two just
would be together. (CHUCKLES)
No. No, no, no.
He dropped me off here
so that I could, uh
pick up, um
this thing
for him.
Why would he want you to get that?
Right? (SCOFFS)
Yeah, I mean, he said, you know,
take this thing and, uh,
put it on your desk, so
You know, you, um, you shake it
and then snow comes.
That's what most snow globes do.
(CHUCKLES) Right?
Yeah, why was he so weird about it?
Our mother gave him
that on her deathbed.
- Oh.
- KEITH: So I'm just
kind of surprised
he's giving it to you.
Me too. Um
Yeah. Well, uh
I guess I should get going
back to work.
I'm I'm heading to ARGUS
if you want a ride.
Oh.
- I
- (INAUDIBLE)
Okay, sure. Why not?
(LAUGHS) You know, it's wild.
I've never seen you wear black before.
- HARCOURT: No?
- No.
- Or pants.
- HARCOURT: Pants?
What, I'm always in
my fucking underwear?
KEITH: (LAUGHING) You're just
as weird as your boyfriend is.
Uh, you got white stuff
in your hair, by the way.
HARCOURT: Thanks for pointing that out.
(WHISPERING) What'd she do that for?
VIGILANTE: Maybe she's hoping
- he'll lead her straight to Chris.
- (DOOR OPENING)
Who was that?
That was Chris's dead brother, Keith.
Oh, no. Are you fucking kidding me?
- No.
- (GROANS IN DISCOMFORT)
- (GAGS) Oh my God.
- Uh-uh.
- (RETCHES)
- Yo.
- (RETCHES LOUDLY)
- Oh my God.
- Don't throw up, man.
- (ECONOMOS GROANS)
Why is that making you throw up?
It's too fucking weird.
Being weird doesn't
make normal people throw up.
I've never even heard of that.
ECONOMOS: (IN STRAINED VOICE)
It happens all the time.
VIGILANTE: I thought it was neat
to meet someone dead.
Also, not normal.
We We should turn back.
Go back and forget this shit.
And just leave Harcourt here, too.
- Get the fuck out of here.
- VIGILANTE: Right.
What I think we need to
do is divide and conquer.
- No.
- VIGILANTE: I should go
- and find my other self
- No!
- (GROANS)
- and question him about Peacemaker. Why no?
Adrian, yesterday
you were crying in my arms
- because Chris left us.
- VIGILANTE: No, I wasn't.
- (RETCHES)
- Okay.
VIGILANTE: I wasn't crying.
That wasn't crying, Ads.
I gave you a hug to comfort you.
- You were crying like a little baby!
- (SCOFFS)
All right, whatever the case,
it seems like now
you don't even care about Chris.
You just want to meet your other self.
Maybe we just stay here forever.
Wow, that's a sharp left turn.
VIGILANTE: I mean,
everything I like is here.
Eagly, Peacemaker,
you guys, another me.
I mean, if they have manta rays
and crows, I'm good to go.
We are going back after we get Chris,
- and now Harcourt.
- VIGILANTE: Okay, well,
then I need to go find
myself and question him.
ADEBAYO: No, Adrian, come on, man.
VIGILANT: I'll be right back.
I won't be long.
- (SIGHS)
- (ECONOMOS GAGS)
(GAGS)
Come the fuck on.
("FOREVER & ONE"
BY HELLOWEEN PLAYING) ♪
What can I do ♪
Will I be getting through ♪
Now that I must try ♪
To leave it all behind ♪
Did you see
What you have done to me ♪
So hard ♪
(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS) ♪
(CHUCKLES) You like Helloween?
- Helloween?
- Yeah.
They say it's between them
and the Beatles.
For what?
Greatest rock band ever.
I mean, I know. It's a stupid argument.
It's subjective.
But to me, Helloween, I mean,
they might have all the hits,
but they didn't revolutionize
rock and roll
the way that Mick,
Paul, George, and Ringo did.
- Mick?
- Jagger?
Lead singer of the Beatles?
- (SCOFFS) Right. Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Sorry. (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS) It's
God, Chris is spot-on about you.
You spent all those years in books.
You don't know the first thing
about the most basic
of pop culture trivia. (CHUCKLES)
I mean, I love it.
'Cause me and Chris, God,
we need you to class us up.
(CHUCKLES) Really.
Yep.
Yeah, I've spent
my whole life in books.
Forever and one I will miss you ♪
However, I kiss you ♪
Hey, Keith wanted me
to go down to ARGUS
to fill out some paperwork
on the Kaiju fight.
You want me to wait?
You want me to meet you down there?
No, no worries. You go ahead.
I'll meet you there.
I've got some stuff
to take care of here.
Tomorrow I'll still be crying ♪
- (SOUND DISTORTS)
- How could you hide ♪
- Your lies, your lies ♪
- (NORMAL SOUND RESUMES)
Oh. (GRUNTS)
(UPBEAT GUITAR SOLO PLAYING) ♪
Forever and one I will miss you ♪
- (BARKS)
- (SONG ENDS ABRUPTLY) ♪
GUARD: Whoa, whoa, girl!
Eva! Eva! Heel! Heel!
I'm sorry, miss.
Eva detects an illicit substance.
I'm gonna need you to hold right there.
(SOFTLY) Fucking Adrian.
(LAUGHS) Hey, guys,
I'm sure there's just been
a misunderstanding here.
GUARD: I'm sure, sir.
But I'm gonna need you
to come with me, miss.
I I'm sorry.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SIGHS)
I'm so sorry, Miss Harcourt.
(SECURITY GATE CHIMES)
Don't worry, we'll get you out of this.
(SECURITY GATE BEEPS)
- I'll get this back to you.
- Shove it up your ass.
Right this way, miss.
(MUSIC SWELLING) ♪
VIGILANTE: Oh my gosh! My house
looks almost exactly the same.
(LAUGHING) So cool.
(QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(LAUGHING)
What?
Who are you guys? (LAUGHS)
You're a chipmunk in my world. (LAUGHS)
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
What (LAUGHS) What is this?
Did I make you? Supposed to be
a snake, not a dragon.
(GASPS, LAUGHS)
What? But there's supposed
to be three! Why are there six?
What do six cats
have to talk about? (LAUGHS)
Oh my God, what the fuck is this? Oh.
They spell it just
a little differently.
Oh my God, that's amazing.
I'm keeping this shit.
(PRESENTER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV)
(LAUGHS) My Dad's not gay here.
- (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Oh. (LAUGHS)
Huh.
- (LOCK CLICKS)
- VIGILANTE: (LAUGHS) No way.
- (LOCK CLICKS)
- VIGILANTE: Are you kidding me?
(CHUCKLES)
- (LOCK CLICKS)
- VIGILANTE: (LAUGHING) Oh, yes.
Unbelievable.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Uh Hello?
- What the fuck?
- (VIGILANTE LAUGHS)
Who are you, and why are you here?
VIGILANTE: Oh. Dude, hold on.
Hold on, hold on, dude. Dude.
It's me.
I'm you from another dimension.
My keys worked to get in here.
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- (UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- No!
- Holy shit!
- Hey! Oh!
- (LAUGHS) We
BOTH: We Spider-Man meme'd!
- Oh! (LAUGHS)
- Hey! (LAUGHING) Hey! Hey!
- Hey!
- Hey!
So we're just supposed to wait here
until they get back?
What else are we gonna do?
We should probably wait
back in our world,
don't you think?
I mean, what if the White Dragon
shows up?
Dude, why did you even come?
- (EAGLY SCREECHING)
- (OBJECTS THUDDING)
(OBJECTS RATTLING)
- ADEBAYO: Eagly!
- (SCREECHES)
- Ugh.
- Dude, what are you doing?
- Creating a mess.
- (CHIRPS, SQUAWKS)
Oh, boy.
God. (GROANS)
Ugh.
Yo, we gotta clean this up.
Oh, we're traveling between dimensions
- to clean up Eagly's bullshit?
- (SCREECHES)
- Fuck, Jesus.
- Okay, all right.
(DOOR BUZZING)
- (DISTANT CHATTER)
- (SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(DOOR LOCKING)
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
General Flag.
What an unexpected delight.
Lex.
LEX LUTHOR: Last time I saw you,
you were denying
metahumans were a threat.
And now it seems
they're taking over the world.
Sort of, yeah.
You have the Justice Gang and Superman
determining international politics.
Meanwhile,
I'm here in Belle Reve listening
to a bear-sized man with dragon skin
butt-fucking a glowing twink
with cartoon eyes
in a cell beside me every night.
I did everything I could
to eradicate the metahuman blight,
and now I'm enshrouded
in it for the next
(INHALES SHARPLY)
What did the judge say?
Two hundred and sixty-five years.
What if I can get you
transferred to another prison?
- What kind of other prison?
- One with no metahumans.
I see you need my help,
and you're here to barter.
Well, if you're willing to start
with an offer of choicer surroundings,
then where you end will
undoubtedly be significantly better.
So why don't you just start
with your final offer
and not waste either of our times?
You won't be able to outmaneuver me
in negotiations, General.
I don't even know if you can
give me what I need, Lex.
Then, by all means,
what is it you're looking for?
You heard of Peacemaker?
- Meta?
- FLAG: No.
Just a costumed vigilante.
Then who gives a shit?
Being goofy is no threat.
But he's in possession of some
kind of dimensional portal.
He's able to move it around.
Keeps popping
in and out of the Maridal Radar.
Huh.
I need to find it.
Why?
Well, for one thing,
I don't need another rift
tearing apart half the city.
Oh. That hurts.
But I have another idea.
One which could be
beneficial for all of us.
(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
So, if I had a scanner,
say, that could pinpoint
the location of that portal,
that would be of use?
Yes, it would.
Enough to give me my freedom.
(SCOFFS) Not a fucking chance.
Not gonna happen, Lex.
Then what could I get?
What is the United States government
willing to give me to stop this clown?
An opportunity for redemption.
I'm listening.
PEACEMAKER: Oh, thanks, man.
Hey, thanks.
I appreciate you letting me in.
I know it's not protocol.
Are they letting me out of here
or what?
What are you doing?
How'd you even get here?
What the fuck is going on?
What are you doing, Chris?
I told you. I wrote the letter.
That letter was bullshit.
It was fucking heartfelt!
Fuck that shit!
I fucking forgave you
for double-crossing me.
I didn't fucking
double-cross you, Chris.
- I saved your goddamn life.
- What?
A cyborg had a gun pointed at your head
and was about to take you out.
The only way that I could save you
was to do what I did.
- And you should have fucking known that.
- (HAND BANGING ON TABLE)
You should know
that I would never, ever
do something like that to you.
- Sorry.
- And so that hurt my feelings,
to be honest.
You want to talk about feelings.
Jesus, fuck, I said sorry!
How many times
do you want me to say it?
At least give me fucking twice.
Okay.
Are they letting me out of here?
(SIGHS) You didn't have
any drugs on you.
I trust your blood
isn't gonna test positive?
Of course not.
Yeah, so I think so.
Why were you covered in cocaine?
Because Vigilante's a moron
and has Al Capone's vault
in his basement.
Never been. Heard about it.
A lot of Beanie Babies?
Not as many as kilos of fentanyl.
- Why are you here?
- We're all here, Chris.
To get you to come back.
Me, Ads, Adrian, even Economos.
You can't do this, man.
This isn't where you belong.
Hey, I tried to talk to you
about this in the park.
In the park,
surrounded by agents
with guns pointed at your head.
That's where you wanted
to have a real heart-to-heart?
Fine! Let's talk about it now.
Why don't you tell me how you feel?
What?
About what happened on the boat.
Oh my God. (LAUGHS SARDONICALLY)
It's always the boat.
You can't even talk about it.
That's the thing.
And you never even told me
about you and Rick Flag Junior.
I know.
So, what, you guys were a thing?
He was my friend,
and he had a girlfriend.
But I guess, yeah, we had a thing,
as mortifying as that is to say.
This whole time, I've been trying
to get close to somebody
whose boyfriend I killed.
- He wasn't my boyfriend.
- PEACEMAKER: Yeah.
HARCOURT: I didn't hide it, Chris.
I made my disdain for you pretty
apparent when we first met.
Yeah.
That changed, of course. I
- I know you don't hate me.
- I know you know I don't.
(SOFT GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
But I'm in love with you, Emilia.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, I figured.
(SIGHS) You know,
can we just talk
about that then, maybe?
Just tell me the truth.
Do you have feelings about me or not?
So what? So you're going to stay here
if I don't and come home if I do?
See? You just keep talking around it.
(SHOUTING) Chris,
I'm a fucking nightmare!
- I don't care.
- I do, okay?
I don't have access
to my feelings like you do.
So So you're right,
what you said
on the roof the other night.
What I do is I go
and I get in bar fights.
- I know.
- Just so I can fucking feel something.
And I still love you.
Are you coming back or not?
- I can't.
- Yes, you can.
Emilia, my dad
my brother.
You know, I (SIGHS)
- I like the other you, you know?
- (EXHALES SHARPLY)
She's nice. She's not you.
But I can't just run out
on these people.
(SIGHS)
(SOFTLY) Fucking bullshit.
- (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Blood tested negative for drugs.
She's clear to go.
(HARCOURT SIGHS)
(FOOT TAPPING ON FLOOR)
- (DOOR CLOSING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER ON RADIO)
SASHA BORDEAUX: Did he give you
what you need?
- He did.
- And in return?
We're going to transfer him
to Van Kull.
- And?
- Not much else.
Other than now we're
partners with Lex Luthor.
(VIGILANTE 2 LAUGHING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Okay, here's one.
What's the best Pokémon?
- Infernape!
- Yes!
Oh! Oh! What's the best thing
to press your face against?
- Shag carpeting.
- Yes!
But what's the worst thing
to softly touch you?
Ugh. Human skin.
Yes.
What's the coolest thing
about a platypus?
BOTH: Poisonous spike
on the back of his ankles!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Are you able to pee if
something's touching your butt?
No way, and I look down
upon people who can.
Right?
Do you ever look up at the clouds,
and you see a face in the
clouds looking down at you,
and you go, "This isn't
a figment of my imagination,
that's a cloud man looking down at me,
and now I have to go inside
so he can't see me?"
Every day. Is your favorite color teal?
(LAUGHING) Yes.
Is your favorite food Malt-O-Meal?
(LAUGHING) Yes. Does your hair
look best at 3:00 p.m.?
Yes. Is your best friend Peacemaker?
- Peacemaker?
- Yes.
- I fucking hate that guy.
- What?
I've dedicated my entire life
to tearing down
everything he stands for.
You're friends with Peacemaker?
Yes. He's He's my BFF.
We're two peas in a pod.
Peacemaker! Christopher Smith!
- Yeah.
- He's my fucking archenemy.
He's the reason
I joined the Sons of Liberty
- in the first place.
- The what?
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Wanna go for a walk?
No way.
Just around the block, John.
Clear our heads.
It's safer than in here.
- I'm staying.
- Fine. Suit yourself.
Oh, that's not trash.
- (CROWS CAWING)
- (BIRDS CHRIPING)
(TENSE MUSIC OVERLAPPING) ♪
- (DOOR OPENING, CLOSING)
- (AUGGIE SMITH COUGHS)
- (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (CLEARS THROAT)
(BREATHES SHAKILY)
- (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
- Hey, Billy, how's it going?
Uh
- (SECURITY GATE BEEPS)
- Um
Miss Harcourt? Miss Harcourt!
You don't notice anything weird here?
No, like what?
(TRUCK ENGINE REVVING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(PANTS) She's there!
(TRUCK ENGINE REVVING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
I haven't seen a single person of color
- ever since I've been here.
- (SCOFFS) No way.
(MUSIC INTENSIFYING) ♪
One got out! A Black!
- What?
- (CAR HORN HONKING)
- (HORN CONTINUES HONKING)
- (SHOUTING) Hey!
- (CAR HORN HONKING RAPIDLY)
- (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
- Stop her!
- I've got her!
- What the fuck? (SCREAMS)
- (YELLS)
(OMINOUS MUSIC OVERLAPPING) ♪
Fuck me.
This is your perfect world, huh?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (YELLS)
- (GROANS)
- No! No! No! Ah!
- (GRUNTS)
(SCREAMS) My fucking hand, bro!
- Who the fuck are you?
- I'm John Economos.
I'm from another dimension.
I'm here to get our friend Peacemaker,
who's your son,
but he's not really your son.
I guess he killed your son.
Fuck, I am saying way too much.
Oh, fuck!
("PRESENCE OF MIND"
BY DYNAZTY PLAYING) ♪
Guards, arrest that woman.
That isn't me.
(INTENSE GUITAR
INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING) ♪
(INDISTINCT CLAMOR)
(PANTS) Oh, shit! (SCREAMS)
How could I ever reconcile ♪
Feel it was all worthwhile ♪
Let's cut through
Dead set to uncover ♪
There's no point In denying it ♪
Let's all be real 'bout this ♪
As we sin we begin to suffer ♪
This is where we crash And burn ♪
This is where we start To learn ♪
Ground zero this fear
Of your presence of mind ♪
Where the mind plans To perfect ♪
We'll emerge and we reset ♪
Ground zero this fear
Of your presence of mind ♪
Huh! ♪
Presence of mind ♪
Oh, yeah ♪
(SONG CONCLUDES) ♪
That's what our mother gave him
on her deathbed.
Yeah, she was a lovely lady.
- Yeah, she was really nice to me.
- Mm.
We had a great connection, she and I.
She passed away when he was two.
(INAUDIBLE)
Right. Yeah, we talk to her sometimes.
In the afterlife?
Yes, she's a ghost.
Okay.
HARCOURT: She, uh, haunts.
sync & corrections awaqeded