Platonic (2023) s02e06 Episode Script

1
[applause]
[Ken] Let's go to work
in the Jeopardy! round.
[theme song playing]
[Ken] Here are your categories.
We have "The Wonderful World of Disney,"
then "Wasted Lives," "Mortality,"
"Charlie Greeves," "Regrets,"
and finally, "No Going Back."
Morris, back to you.
I'll take "Mortality" for 400.
[Ken] "This moves faster and faster
as long as you live it."
What is time?
[Ken] That is correct.
You're on the board, Morris.
Ken, I'll take "Wasted Lives" for 200.
[Ken] "This senior partner at
Boosalis & Addington died in his sleep."
- Andrea.
- Who was Charlie's predecessor?
Correct. Charlie, please close your mouth.
- [gasps]
- [rattling]
- [groans]
- Charlie. Even your dreams are cliché.
[gasps, panting]
["Trouble's Coming" playing]
- [Sylvia] Need a hand?
- I'm good. I got it. I got it.
Are you sure this is a good idea?
Definitely. You know,
I wanna get back to work.
- I crave a routine, you know?
- Oh, yeah, absolutely.
I just, like… you know,
you did just show up
- at that Jeopardy! man's house…
- Ed… Ed Little.
…at Ed Little's house,
in a way that, you know,
some may consider "menacing."
- [chuckles]
- You know, maybe you just need to, like,
take a minute to decompress or, um…
talk to someone or…
What? Talk to someone? Like therapy?
Yeah.
Well, you've never talked to a therapist,
why would I talk to a therapist?
Because you did, you know… you…
you did break into a stranger's house.
Babe, I am good. I promise.
You know, it's like…
it's like the time after you had Frances,
you had all those postpartum hormones,
but eventually you snapped out of it.
Well, I didn't just snap out of it.
And I do have some lingering feelings
of general bummed-outness that, like,
- never, like, totally goes away.
- Mmm.
- But, um, I see your point.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay, well, I am fine,
so why don't we just put this behind us?
Put what behind us?
- See? That's what I'm talking about.
- Okay.
- Have fun dropping off Frances.
- Okay.
Hey. Uh, can I borrow your car
for the night?
- I'll have it back tomorrow afternoon.
- No.
It's just I need to get to La Quinta
for a Johnny 66 corporate retreat,
you know?
- Is Jenna gonna be at this retreat?
- Of course she's gonna be there.
- She's the CEO of the company.
- And given that, you still wanna go?
What I want is irrelevant.
It's my job to be there,
so I'm gonna be there. Can I borrow a car?
Uh, Charlie has to get to work
so he has a car,
and I'm about to drive to Palm Desert
to take Frances to a debate tournament
so we're out of cars.
Palm Desert, that's right near La Quinta.
You can drop me off.
I guess we could give you a ride.
But we're about to leave,
and Frances is driving,
- so proceed at your own risk.
- No problem.
- Are you taking a dead body with you?
- No.
It's just… It's work stuff.
- We stop at Pioneertown for lunch?
- Why not?
Also, we should grab some ginger ale
'cause my tummy's… it's a little…
Oh, my God. Just get the fuck
out of here before I change my mind.
I'll be in the car. Okay.
[phone rings]
Hey.
What? Oh, mate, are you okay?
A baby. My ex is having a fucking baby?
Wait. I… I'm so confused.
Andy's having a baby?
No! My real ex-husband, Joe.
The first one.
Oh, and that's a bad thing?
If it's my ex-husband's newer,
younger wife's baby then it is.
You know what? That idiot can have fun
changing nappies for the next two years
and being the creepy older dad
in the preschool yard.
And now Joe gets to do it all over again,
and Naomi gets this better version of him!
You should be compensated
for training him.
I mean, you get spousal support
so you kinda are, right?
Or not. I don't have any idea
how that works, actually.
Katie, like, when did you know
your marriage wasn't gonna work out?
When I realized
that he was a fucking man-child
- that was never gonna grow up.
- [sighs]
I will never, never recover from this.
Wait. Aren't you the one
who ended the relationship?
- Get the fuck out!
- Get outta here! Shut up!
- I'm just saying…
- Get out of the car!
- I'm just saying…
- Shut up!
- That's not the point!
- That has nothing to do with it.
Okay, okay. Not the point.
He can only ever be
with someone much younger
because anyone closer to our age would see
that he is the opposite of a catch.
- Someone younger, what a curse.
- [Frances chuckles]
You know what? Shut up, okay?
You're not helping.
- You're not involved in this.
- Okay, you're right.
Fine. I don't wanna help.
[Sylvia] Okay. Okay, sweetie.
- Good luck with the tournament.
- Thank you.
- Love you.
- Love you.
- Hi, Gemma.
- Hi, Mrs. Greeves.
Oh, my God, thank God you're here.
Everyone else at this tournament
is a loser nerd.
[sighs] I'm so sick of us
always being the hottest.
I know.
- Bye.
- [Sylvia] Bye.
- Okay.
- Do you guys wanna listen to my podcast?
- Sure.
- Okay. Only if you want to.
[with vocal fry] This is Katie Fields.
Join me as I talk to changemakers…
- Ooh, why are you talking like that?
- Shh!
This is Breaking the Glass Ceiling…
- [glass shattering]
- Whoa!
- Shit, that's too loud.
- That's… Oh, my God.
…part of the Boss Mama Industries Network…
What's the Boss Mama Industries Network?
- Oh, my company.
- Oh.
- Hello.
- [glass shatters]
Fucking… I don't think
that's mixed in properly, you know?
Yeah, it's a bit loud.
Okay, I'm gonna save this for later
- when we can concentrate.
- Yeah.
- Great, yeah.
- Okay.
I can't believe you got Diane.
Yeah, you got a local realtor. Wow.
Buddy, are you sure you wanna go
to this Johnny 66 retreat?
I'm just saying.
Why don't we go grab lunch, go home?
Yes, I'm sure, okay? I have a job, Sylvia.
I have to go to this thing. Jesus.
Oh, buddy, why are you putting
yourself through this?
There's so many other places
that would hire you, for a start.
Or you could just strike out on your own.
Jenna's right.
I've talked about opening my own bar
for years and it hasn't happened,
- so it's never gonna fucking happen.
- I promise you, Jenna didn't mean that.
She just said that
because she was very hurt
because you left her at the altar.
Hmm. Shots fired, Syl.
Jenna's a business person,
you know? She knows.
Wh-What am I gonna do?
Open a shitty little bar?
- Look at Lucky Penny.
- It started doing better after I left.
Yeah, but because of your beer.
I'm going to the thing. Okay?
Can we stop talking about it?
I'm going to the retreat.
I promise you, Jenna's not gonna wanna
see you right now or probably ever again.
We worked together
before the relationship,
we'll work together fine
in the wake of it.
Can you just let him do his postbreakup
- the way he needs to do it?
- Yeah.
Go with your gut.
That's the first step in the Boss Mama
postbreakup three-step process.
Cool. Wh-What are the other two steps?
Follow your heart
and do whatever you feel like.
Interestingly similar steps
but I do think going to the retreat
is counterproductive.
Says the person who's never been divorced.
- Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
- [scoffs]
Katie, what did you do after your divorce?
Listen, postdivorce and breakup
is a weird time, isn't it?
It really is. I don't know
how I'm gonna feel
from one second to the next.
You know what? I'm gonna come
back there so we can talk.
- Oh, great. Yeah.
- Oh, wait. Hold on.
Whoa. I am on the highway.
Whoa. Dangerous, dangerous.
- I got a lot to say on the subject.
- [Will] Great.
I know you're the one that ended things
but that doesn't mean
that you don't get to feel crazy.
No. I feel so sad all the time. Honestly.
Guys, guys, I'm only getting
bits and pieces
of the convo up here. Can you speak up?
But it will end.
You just have to ride through it.
- I just feel like, when is it gonna end?
- Of course.
Well, actually I felt really bad
when Dean broke up with me.
- Dean?
- Yeah.
From the a cappella group?
Yeah.
From freshman year of college?
No, no. Dean doesn't get you
into the divorce club.
- Sorry.
- No, nice try.
[whispering] I dated him junior year,
not freshman year.
- What?
- What?
I dated him junior year,
not freshman year.
Oh. So it's still fresh.
["The Race is On" playing]
[song playing through speaker]
Mmm, Dean. Aged.
Aged? Yeah.
Not quite the a cappella years.
Oh, but he is in the HR department
at Google.
Fun.
- Could've been you.
- Could've been me.
- Mrs. Google.
- Mrs. HR Google.
- Mrs. HR Google.
- [chuckles]
Yo, I just heard
the most fucked-up shit ever.
Oh, that you're going to a retreat
for a company that you should quit?
No. Ha-ha.
- It's that Red is going out of business.
- Who is Red?
Red, the guy who owns the Red Wolf Tavern,
the place we're currently
sitting in right now.
- Are we supposed to care?
- Yes.
Red is a legend in the brewing world.
Well, the location out here
doesn't really help. It's pretty grim.
That's not it. It's that brewers
everywhere are really suffering right now.
You know, drinking trends among
21 to 34-year-olds, they're way down.
- It's incredibly depressing.
- Drinking less alcohol is depressing?
- No question.
- Yeah.
Alcohol is literally a depressant.
It's not like they're replacing drinking
with something healthy and cool.
They're just spending more time
fucking scrolling online. That's bad.
It's probably still healthier
than drinking beer.
- Nerd.
- [coughs] Nerd. [chuckles]
So, about last night. Um, Charlie okay?
What do you mean?
Uh, well, we had kind of
an interesting evening.
What happened?
Would you like to tell her or should I?
It's gonna sound much worse
than it actually was. [chuckles]
Oh, I'm excited to hear
your take on all this.
Ugh. Charlie went out with this one,
and they ended up, I don't know,
drinking and hanging out
and running through the house
of some Jeopardy! executive.
- It was just boys being boys.
- Back up. What?
Oh, you heard that right.
We broke into the house
of a fucking executive on Jeopardy!
and Charlie wanted to convince him
not to air his episode.
- It was fucking insane.
- What?
No. No, no, no, no, no.
- It wasn't insane. Boys will be boys.
- Yes. It was insane.
- Boys will be boys?
- Why do you keep saying that?
But people do much crazier things
than that all the time.
- Who?
- Michael Jackson.
- Michael Jackson?
- Go on.
Hung the baby off
of the side of the balcony.
Great example of what, uh,
is and is not normal. Michael Jackson.
- I'm sorry. Is Charlie okay?
- Oh, he's fine. He's great actually.
He just has to wear a boot for a while.
- No. I mean, is he, like, okay-okay?
- He's not okay. He's not okay at all.
- He's very much not okay.
- No, no, no. He's so fine.
- He's never not been fine.
- Oh, my God, are you crazy?
He's very obviously
going through something.
- No, he's not.
- Are you fucking kidding me?
I'm an expert on not okay
and that man, not okay.
- [scoffs]
- No bueno.
He is back at work today,
so he's obviously feeling fine.
- I think he just had a moment.
- No.
You need to accept that this is
much more than just a moment.
No, no, no.
I don't need to accept anything, okay?
Not everybody's, like, fucked up.
And, like, by the way,
is it possible that you might be, like,
projecting your own shit?
Are you fucking joshing me?
I'm projecting?
I'm just saying, my life is
a little bit different to both of yours.
- Um, what does that mean?
- What? Yeah. How?
- Just organizationally.
- [both] Organizationally?
- What the fuck is that?
- I just… [sighs]
My life…
My life is stable and predictable,
like I know who I'll be waking up next to
in five years' time…
You don't know jack shit, girl.
- You don't know nothing.
- You know, I've never been divorced.
I don't go around
leaving people at the altar.
[Will] Oh, my God.
Are you kidding me right now?
You fucking think you're better than us.
Your words, not mine.
You're just as fucked up as we are!
- [Will] Yeah!
- No, I am actually not. I'm not.
Uh, you're comparing your husband
to Michael Jackson.
- That's not good. That's a red flag.
- Yes! Do you hear yourself?
Also, we are the two
most interesting people in your life.
Yeah, exactly. You don't get to judge us.
You also don't get to come
to a place called Red's fucking Tavern
with a toothless man behind the bar
and order a lettuce-wrapped hamburger.
You think you're too good for buns.
- No, I don't. No, I don't.
- Yes, you do. Yes, you do.
- You obviously do. You do.
- No. It's not about bad and good or…
You think you're too good for a bun.
- Too good.
- No. No, I don't! I…
[mumbling] Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Are you happy now?
Very normal. This is all very normal.
- Just normal behavior.
- [Sylvia mumbling]
[lawyer] …word "compensation"
will be finalized
and whether staggered terms will be
accepted to the members…
[distorted] …of the advisory committees
since regulatory compliance may
come into play. We should reconvene…
[breathes heavily]
I have to use the bathroom.
[person whistling "Jeopardy" theme song]
Very funny. You can stop.
[whistling continues]
I said you can stop.
- [whistling continues]
- It's uncalled for, dude.
Seriously. Huh?
- Seriously? You're carrying on?
- [whistling grows louder]
Hey, man. Are you okay?
Were you whistling?
No, I was taking a shit.
Oh, uh…
I'm gonna go finish now, okay?
[sighs deeply]
I find that there's an uptick
in homeowners generally.
- People are…
- [Katie] Sam, goddamn it!
This is a chaotic podcast.
Where's the Pirate's Booty?
You just ate it.
Pirate's Booty is flavored air.
I just want to do something with my mouth.
[both] That's what she said.
[chuckles]
There's more in the back.
[Katie] Okay. Sorry.
Let's get back to it, Diane.
I'm just gonna fix this. Okay.
You gotta get your kid a babysitter
while you record.
- [Katie groans]
- [podcast continues indistinctly]
[glass shatters in podcast]
- What the fuck?
- Hey!
What are you doing going through my shit?
- What are you doing?
- This is my penguin!
How dare you go through my stuff?
- You and the penguins again?
- Yeah, that's what's in my… It's a…
It's a giant penguin, okay?
You fucking happy?
- It's a peace offering.
- Are you…
- You're crazy, Will.
- I'm not crazy.
You get what I'm doing here.
- I'm following my gut. Yes!
- No! Your gut is wrong.
- It's not! What are you talk…
- This is too far!
Why is this too far?
- You're crazy.
- To give someone a nice gift is crazy?
Look, I feel bad. I feel guilty.
I don't want her to hate me, okay?
And those feelings are all noble
and understandable and natural
and perfectly fine
in the confines of this minivan.
But you cannot call off a wedding
with someone
and then give them a stuffed penguin.
You just can't.
I would argue the exact opposite of that.
Once you call off a wedding with someone,
you can't give them nice things anymore?
- You can't give them giant penguins?
- No!
- You can't give her that.
- Good luck trying to fucking stop me.
We're not letting you.
Katie, throw it out the window.
- No, hey! No! No!
- Oh, the child lock's on.
Don't throw my fucking penguin
out the window.
- I paid $400 for this fucking penguin.
- No. Unlock the window.
- This is for your own good.
- Unlock it.
No! Don't unlock the door.
- I'm trying. Sorry. I'm trying.
- No, no. We're not letting you…
- Bring it up here.
- Syl, get it. Syl!
- You're not getting it! No!
- [Will] My penguin. He's mine!
[Katie] Get it! Get it!
Jesus, fuck!
[Katie] Oh, no!
[Sylvia gasps, panting]
We can drive it though, can we?
Not with that windshield.
That's a highly specialized glass.
Oh. Well, can you replace it?
It's gonna be 48 hours
to special order it.
What? Forty-eight hours? Come on.
And I'm afraid it's gonna cost you
$4,000 before labor.
- Okay.
- This wasn't my fault. For the record.
Insurance doesn't like to cover
these particular windshields,
but we take cash.
There's a Red Roof Inn
across the road you can walk to.
My brother owns it.
He'll give you a really good deal.
Yeah, we… we might take it
somewhere else and get it looked at.
I wish I could, but I can't legally let
you take it off the lot with this crack.
I think we can make it to the next shop
without getting pulled over.
They think they can drive this sucker
off the road with that windshield.
Mmm. Well, we can't let you do that.
Wouldn't be safe or legal.
Yeah, like I said,
my brother's Red Roof Inn
is across the road.
It's in a plaza with a Jack in the Box
that my sister owns.
I'll keep the keys safe.
Okay. Well, we'll just have
a quick chat but thanks, guys.
- Yes, thank you.
- Thanks.
- [whispers] What do we do now?
- Well, I'm gonna call Charlie.
- He'll figure this out.
- Yeah, great.
- Hey, babe.
- Hi.
- How's the road trip?
- Oh, well. Funny you should ask.
Uh, we're having a little bit of an issue.
Yeah, tell me about it. [sighs]
Oh. What's happening? Work okay?
- I'm not at work. I came home.
- Oh, no. Is it your mum?
No. Why do you keep asking
about my mom? My mom's fine.
What are you doing right now?
I'm lying on the couch.
Staring at the ceiling.
I think I wasn't ready.
I think you're right.
Maybe I do need to go into therapy.
What was it you needed?
Oh, nothing. No, nothing.
Everything's okay. I'll, um…
I-I-I'll see you soon.
I'll be home soon. Okay. Bye.
- Okay, what did Charlie say?
- Yeah. What are we doing?
- I couldn't tell him. I, uh…
- What?
I think…
I think he might actually be having
a nervous breakdown.
Um…
He told me he's had to leave work today
because he's… quote, "isn't ready yet."
- Oh, no. That's not good.
- Oh.
I mean, I…
It's really scary to admit
because I rely on him to, you know,
just take care of everything.
He's always been the rock, you know?
[shakily] Because I guess
I need him to be.
So, I can't pile this car shit
on him right now.
But I also… I need him to be the rock.
And… take care of it.
[chuckles]
Oh, my God. This is it.
This is our life now.
We just live here in this town
owned by this mechanic
and all of his siblings.
- I mean, we're never gonna leave.
- Well, that is not true.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm gonna leave.
There's an Uber seven minutes away.
Who knew?
Look, in every relationship,
the couple needs to take turns
being the rock,
and now it's your turn
to be the rock. That's all.
I don't know how to be the rock.
I can't be the rock.
You can be the rock,
you can totally be the rock.
Just ask yourself
what would Charlie do right now?
Probably eat a bunch of protein powder.
Okay.
- What is she doing?
- I don't know.
Hi, I-I need my minivan back now.
Okay.
If you don't have enough cash you can go
to the pawnshop down the street.
It's owned by my stepdad.
No, no. I'm not paying you anything.
I just wanna… just take…
I just want my…
and I'm demanding that you take my car.
Can we take the… Have…
Unless you want fraud.
What did you say? I literally can't hear
anything you're saying.
We're just trying to help you, ma'am.
- I just… Give me my car back.
- I can't.
- I want my car back.
- Like I said,
I can't let you drive it with this crack.
[grunting]
- [screaming]
- [mechanic 1] Whoa.
Oh. It looks like that crack's gone.
- Shattering a glass ceiling.
- Let's go.
- That was great.
- That was amazing!
- You're fucking crazy.
- That was awesome.
- Yeah.
- [Will] You're a rock.
- Amazing!
- Oh, shit. We can't get in.
- There's too much broken glass.
- Oh, there's glass everywhere.
- That's not safe.
- That'll hurt us.
Do you have a vacuum that we could borrow?
["Oysters in My Pocket" playing]
[Will] Anyone here need a drink?
What am I doing? [sighs]
What?
This whole trip, I mean… [sighs]
I can't go on a corporate retreat
with Jenna right now.
- That's fucking crazy.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
I need a clean break.
- [line ringing]
- [person speaks indistinctly]
Hello, this is Will Zysman,
and I would like to
formally tender my resignation.
That's right. I fucking quit.
Well, how do I get a P45 form?
Great. Yeah, okay. No, I just…
Uh, yeah, hold on.
Slow down, let me just…
I'll put you on speaker. One second.
- Let me, uh… Yep.
- Do you need a pen?
- I got it. Okay, you're on speaker.
- Okay.
I'm writing this down on my phone.
Go ahead.
- Why don't you text it to Katie? Yeah.
- I can put it in an e-mail.
Sorry, just, uh,
open up a voice memo one of you.
- Let me do it on my… I'm in my Notes.
- Oh.
Oh, you're in the… Okay.
But you could text…
- If you text it to…
- I'll Google the HR website, and I'll…
- No, don't do that.
- What?
I'm gonna record you on a voice memo.
- Let me do a voice memo.
- Yeah, yeah,
- Let me… And then I'll record you.
- Yeah.
- [Will] Say it.
- Okay.
- Here he comes. [gasps] Hi.
- Okay, did he go for it?
Yeah. I got a great price too.
- That's awesome.
- No way!
What are you gonna do
with Red's brewing equipment anyway?
I don't know. I'll figure it out,
but it's got good juju.
- It's got good energy to it. Yes.
- Does it?
- Yeah, totally. Totally.
- Yes, it does. [chuckles]
So what's Red's next move?
Oh, he said he's actually gonna start,
uh, cooking and selling meth.
No, what is he really gonna do?
He's gonna cook and sell meth.
- Cool. Desert times.
- Yeah, yeah.
Bugging out in the desert.
- Not much to do out here.
- No. Why not?
So, is the minivan gonna be big enough
to carry all the equipment or…
No. I'm gonna need to
get a U-Haul or something.
Ooh, ooh. I can stay and help.
- I don't have Sam tonight.
- Oh, great, yeah. Cool. Yeah.
I can help too. I'll just tell Charlie
that I'm running a little late.
- Awesome.
- Uh, no. It's fine. Me and Katie got it.
You… You go back to Charlie.
It's more important.
Sure? I don't want to
abandon you guys in the desert.
- No, we'll be fine. Yeah.
- Yeah, seriously.
You should go home to Charlie.
- Okay. Yeah.
- Okay. Great. Cool.
- All right.
- [Will] Let's do it.
You should see how much beer I can drink.
- In one sitting.
- Oh, man. I'm excited.
- They gotta get rid of all the beer.
- I open the tap,
- I punch a hole in the side.
- [laughs]
["Older" playing]
[sighing]
[sighs]
[engine starts]