Smiling Friends (2020) s02e06 Episode Script

1
Hey, Pim, how close are we?
We're-- We're like in the middle
of nowhere.
It's just a little further,
Charlie.
Look, man, I ditched a freaking
awesome party to come
do this with you, okay?
So, this better not be some lame
thing with a bunch of squares.
Trust me, Charlie,
it's gonna be really fun.
These guys are the
DEFINITION of party animals.
Here we are, Charlie.
Meet Bill,
Fillmore
and Duncan.
Pim, what is this?
The UFO hunting group.
You said last week you
were super into UFOs, right?
I've never said anything
like that in my entire life.
Oh, maybe that was Glep.
- Salutations, Pim.
Who's the newbie?
Hello, Bill.
This is Charlie,
my best friend.
- Yes, yes, nice
to meet you, Charlie.
Any-- any friend of Pim's
is a friend of ours, yes.
So, you guys just sit around
and wait for an alien
to show up?
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
No, no, what we do is
much more exciting than that.
Let the epic search begin.
THERE!
Oh, wait, sorry.
That was just a
satellite from earlier.
- So have any of you guys
ever actually seen a UFO?
- UAP.
- OF COURSE WE HAVE!
In 2013, we may possibly,
definitely, have spotted
a cigar-shaped craft
descend and ascend
at incredible velocity.
- Turned out to be a
bird, but still pretty cool.
Why would an
alien care about us?
I believe they're here
for peaceful reasons, yes,
and they want us
to love each other, yes.
- NONSENSE!
They're DEMONS
from another dimension!
And the only reason
we don't see them that often
is because they cannot get
through the DAMNED glass dome
protecting the Flat Earth.
Do you actually believe that,
or -- or are you just
doing a bit right now?
I don't just believe it,
I KNOW it!
And they've pulled the wool
over your eyes, haven't they?
I can tell, I could tell
when you walked over here.
All right, okay, then how do you
explain timezones, dude?
Ha! How much did those NASA
lying-tists pay
you to say that, eh?
What do you think
about the aliens, Duncan?
Oh, gosh, I think Duncan
ate too many animal cookies.
- Yeah, riveting stuff, ah,
I--I'm gonna get
an Uber now.
- Wait, Bill, don't you have
that experimental
alien beacon device
you were talking about?
- Yes, yes, I do-- I do
have it on my persons,
but it could be very
unstable if not used correctly.
Everyone stand back.
That's a theremin, dude.
What?
Yeah, no, my uncle used to
have one of these
when he was in his band,
The Red Gapers.
Oh, I didn't know
it could do that.
Oh my God!
IT'S REAL!
I was just
fucking around before!
Oh my god,
it's a real UFO!
- Pim, wake up.
Bill, hey, Bill.
Oh my God!
Dude, this has to be a dream.
This has to be some kind
of nightmare.
I can't hear anything.
I think they're gone.
Wow, not only were we
abducted by aliens,
but I think the aliens that
abducted us
were also abducted,
and now we're
inside their ship,
and they're flying
out of our galaxy.
- Yeah, no frickin' dip.
I-- I could've told you that.
- Our father, who art in heaven,
hallowed by thy name.
Thy kingdom come,
- Yo, either of you
guys got a lighter?
- Uh, no. - No, sir.
- Nah, no one
out there has a lighter.
Sorry, man.
Should we invite Kelsey?
- No, fuck no, dude.
Last time she
was here, she went psycho
and stole my adderall
and my vape pen.
Fuck no.
- Um, hello?
Sup?
Wait, who invited you guys?
- Uh, Gl Zo
- Uh, Z - zih zimb
- Xenore? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Xenore - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-That's him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Xenore, yeah.
- Oh, sweet, yeah.
Well, he's not here yet,
but come on in.
The party's
just getting started.
We were just about to
go to the Zeta Reticuli System
to fuck around.
You guys up for some
Saturday night shenanigans?
- As fun as that
sounds, and it does sound
really fun and everything,
you know,
Xenore was actually the
whole reason we came here,
so if he's not here,
we'll probably just go home,
if that's okay.
What?
You guys aren't
squares, are you?
- Uh, no, no, no,
we're, we're cool.
We're, yeah, we're, yeah.
- Yeah, I guess we
can hang out for a bit.
It's Saturday after all.
All right.
LET'S PARTY!
- Oh, I think
it's starting to wear off.
All right, well, yeah.
Hey, you know,
we did all the stuff
you asked to prove we're cool?
Well, we are cool,
you know.
In fact, Pim injected that
black goo into his arm,
you didn't even ask
him to do that, and he did it.
But I think, -- I think
we're pretty beat, right?
I mean, I think
it's probably about time
we get taken
back home, right, Pim?
- Yep, yep, that's right.
You said it, Charlie.
Ah, we'll just
be on our way then.
- Wait, chill, chill.
We're not done yet.
We saved the best for last.
If you guys
really aren't squares,
you'll have no problem
vaporizing this planet.
It's gonna be so
fucking funny.
Is-- is there life
on that planet?
Ah, yeah,
it's only one of the oldest
and most populated
civilizations in the galaxy.
That's kinda what makes
the prank funny, dude.
Come on, if you
guys do this last thing,
we'll take
you home right after.
Like immediately,
we'll turn the ship around
and take you guys back.
- Oh yeah,
yeah. - Sure, yeah.
We will, right?
- Of course.
I can't do it.
I'm sorry, I'd rather
be stuck on this ship
for the rest of my life
than commit such a horrible
atrocity against
so many innocent beings.
I don't think you understand.
If you don't do this,
you're gonna spend the rest of
your life inside this.
We threw some nerds in this Zeep
torture device yesterday
because they didn't wanna
put a CD holder up their ass.
Every second feels like
a thousand years to them.
So are you
guys cool or not?
Charlie, I can't go
into that thing.
That's hell.
Yeah, no, it's-- its okay, Pim.
Look, we'll just --
we'll just destroy the planet,
kill everybody,
and then never talk
about this again.
All right, we did it.
- Oh God!
- Oh, I can't believe it,
that's so great.
- Dude, you guys
are total psychopaths.
Nobody was on that planet.
It was completely empty.
- What?
-And there's no such thing
as a Zeep torture device.
That's like
Black Mirror shit, dude.
This is an LED
I got off of Alibaba.
- Hahaha, - Alibaba.
All right, can you please
just take us home now?
This ship only
goes one way.
We can't even go backwards.
- Yeah, we were never able
to take you guys back home.
- You know what, you know
you guys are losers, right.
Oh yeah, you
party at pull pranks.
You guys aren't cool.
You're-- you're childish.
You're childish.
-Childish,
oh, fuck you, man!
Fuck off.
We don't need to--
We don't need to talk like this.
Can we just calm down.
-No, no, Pim, I'm not done,
I'm not done.
-Charlie, Charlie,
- There's no point.
- No, we don't know a Xenore.
We made him up, we lied.
- Oh, oh, oh, no, you lied.
-Yeah, yeah.
-Fuck, no!
- No, you didn't.
You lied about Xenore.
- I'm over you big guy, what are
you gonna do come on.
- Come on
- Calm down, Charlie. Calm down.
HIT ME! HIT ME!
HIT ME IN THE FACE I DARE YOU!
- Come on, lets do this!
Fuck you.
I am DONE!
Who do you think you are
talking to us like that.
You are being
detained for destruction of
public property
and disturbing the peace.
Do not exit your
vehicle and remain calm.
- Holy shit, it's the cops.
- What the cops?
Oh my God, everybody,
We gotta bail.
- Come on, come on, come on.
To my space car!
-You have a space car?
-I have a space car.
Charlie, look,
the first aliens that
abducted us are still alive.
- Pim, I've known you
for seven years
and I never thought
I'd say this to you, but,
I'm gonna go ahead
and fly that alien saucer.
Charlie, I support
you 100 percent.
Well, Pim, I guess
you were right.
Aliens exist
and I hate their guts.
I hate aliens, hey, sue me.
- Yeah, I -- I kind of imagined
that they'd be a bit more,
benevolent?
But yeah, hey, at least you got
that Saturday
night party you wanted.
- So true, Pim, so true,
but you know what, man?
Like, I feel like I'm probably
getting a little bit too old
for this party stuff anyways.
And besides, can you
really top an alien party?
You know what I mean?
-I know what you mean.
-Can you top an alien party?
-I hear you, Charlie,
-I know what you mean.
-I don't think you can.
-I don't think you can.
-I don't think you can.
I don't think you can.
Hey, by the way, when we
were like, running out
did you see that alien Tony Hawk
game that they were playing?
- Yeah, I did
see that, actually.
It looked pretty fun.
You don't think I'd be able to
like, get that on Earth anywhere
do you, like,
buy that somewhere?
Ummm like the alien game?
- Yeah, torrent it
like, yeah, the alien game?
- I think it'd be
pretty hard, only,
only because
it is an alien game.
I think it, yeah,
I don't think so.
Yeah, I-- I was just wondering,
it's stupid, even to ask.
- Oh, I think we're
approaching Earth.
- Cool, I've always
wanted to see it from space.
- Wait, what?
Wh-- What am I looking at?
What is that?
- Charlie, that--
that's not Earth, right?
- Pim, that's completely flat.
That's 100--
That's 100 percent flat, dude.
- I know, that's what I'm saying
that can't be real, right?
That's not--
-We're looking at it, dude.
The Earth i-- is flat
The Earth, oh, I'm just looking,
I don't know.
The Earth is flat.
Charlie, the Earth can't
actually be flat, right?
- There's the glass dome, dude,
dude, oh my God, dude.
- Oh my--
- This can't be real.
-I need to sit down.
-This can't--
- Pim, we -- we need to take
this to the grave.
We cannot tell anybody,
this changes literally every,
this changes everything.
No-- I-- I know-- I can--,
we can never tell anyone.
- I might actually puke,
get back a little.
Im gonna puke, stay back.
- Oh my, I'm gonna throw up.
- Okay, I'm gonna throw up.
- The Earth is flat, Charlie.
- I know.
- No, you've
got the wrong people.
We didn't kill our friends.
The UFO took them.
IT WAS THE UFO!
- Yeah, whatever
you say, buddy.