The Change (2023) s02e06 Episode Script

1
BIRD WHISTLES, HE GASPS
Uhn!
HE WHIMPERS
What the hell is going on?!
Good morning. Good morning.
Breaking news just in.
The men have surrendered to
the Housework Action Group's
demands and
The Verderer,
whose whereabouts are uncertain,
has suffered a vote
of no confidence.
Women can now claim
monthly chore benefit,
thanks to Janet,
who has ring-fenced funding.
Well, it better not be from the
cheese eating competition coffers.
The mandatory men's training
with Pig Man and his cloth
can now begin.
It's an historic victory
for the women.
And though the strike may be over
in our community,
it's only just beginning in others.
Stationers from Gloucester
to Bristol
have run out of ledgers
as the Housework Action Group's
membership swells.
Progress has been made,
but the strike
brought out language that
should have been consigned to
the history books.
Have you ever been called a witch?
And, if so, why?
Sheila's on line one.
The husband called me a witch, Joy,
just for laughing at him last winter
when we climbed up Snowdon
and his todger went up inside him.
Oh, we can't win can we, Sheila?
Wendy is on line two.
My old boss called me a witch, Joy,
just for telling him
to make his own fucking tea.
Drown and we're innocent,
float and we're guilty.
Hey, Wendy? What image comes
to mind when you hear the word
"witch"?
Linda Jane
Seems to me, a witch is just
a woman who knows her own power.
Let's all be witches.
WOMAN WHISTLES
Ah! Ugh!
Do you know what this is,
Verderer?
Well, one of your bloody lesbo
dominatrix sex torture implements
II imagine.
God knows who's mouth this
has been in.
It's called a scold's bridle.
Well, if I get mouth herpes,
I'll be suing you, Agnes Watkins.
Do you know, men used put women in
this years back? To silence 'em.
If they thought they spoke too much
or too strongly.
Yeah, called 'em witches,
paraded 'em round the streets.
You're a stain on Fayther's legacy.
SHE SPITS
You ain't gonna use that.
Ain't I?
Man, or fish, Verderer -
a head is a head.
An' I've bashed in a lot of heads.
Mm. Mm.
Ow!
Aargh! My verruca!
Argh.
Does he remember anything?
No, just, er, told him a pot fell.
THEY CHUCKLE
Erm
SHE CLEARS HER THROA
I haven't really had a chance to
talk to you,
but, er,
thanks for inviting me last night,
it was really special.
And, erm, there's something else.
The Mother Tree,
she's grown a shoot.
The cycle of life, eh.
Mm.
Yeah.
I think we should celebrate.
VERDERER: Water! Water!
Yeah, we, er Actually, we should
Verderer to sing, right?
Sing? He's got a beautiful voice.
Made himself cry once.
Yeah, he was on Stars In Their Eyes
years back.
But after Gary Glitter got arrested,
they just buried the episode,
you know.
I think we should just
keep it simple.
BOTH: Mm.
But he should be there though.
Do the honours then, Linda.
So you had it.
Well, don't expect the £100 reward.
Hardly bedtime reading
for the young Eel sisters.
You have no right
talking about Fayther.
Well, I do, actually.
What with him being my dad
and all.
You may be his biological child,
Linda, but
Fayther chose me.
He loved me more than his own
flesh and blood.
He left me his book, didn't he?
He'd be proud of me right now.
On the whole.
Gotcha!
Oh!
Wow.
So truffles evolved
to have that pungent odour
so that they could be smelt through
layers of soil?
Exactly.
So that the boar can find them?
Because the truffle WANTS
to be found and eaten
and shat out. To reproduce.
So
once the truffle is dug up
and eaten, its work is done.
That's right.
The cycle is complete.
Imagine being so in control
of your own destiny,
so sure of your purpose in life.
No truffle has ever lost
its identity
had a midlife crisis,
feared the aging process
compared itself to
younger truffles.
Being young isn't
the best part of life.
Being older isn't the worst.
They're just
different stages of the cycle.
Yeah, but,
being younger is much better,
Linda.
Yeah, it is, isn't it?
I coughed yesterday
and did a little wee.
Well, look who it is.
The Verderer has arrived,
which means I'm out of time.
So let's hope that today
marks the beginning of
a more harmonious period
between the sexes.
Oh.
Bad night, Verderer?
Huh!
GULPING VIGOROUSLY
Ah!
Good morning, good morning,
good morning.
HE CLEARS HIS THROA
The strike may be over,
but the war rages on.
Who's with me?
Eh?
Eh.
Uh, leet's go to line one.
Line one, hello?
STATIC
Line t Line two.
Line two.
Hello, you're on the air.
DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES
Well, apologies about this, gents.
We seem to be having technical
problems with the lines.
Line three. Please.
STATIC CONTINUES
Line three?
Back after this.
STATIC SPUTTERING
Ooh.
There we go. Mm. Thank you.
To the Mother Tree.
ALL To the Mother Tree.
Cheers. Cheers.
Cheers.
You know, we've been piecing things
together and we realised that,
our mayther left
because of your mayther.
Oh? Yeah, I mean,
out of all of them,
she was the only one what really
made him laugh.
Mayther made peace with the sex
but of course,
Fayther shagged half the town. No,
the two of them laughing together,
that felt like
the real betrayal. You know?
Echoing round the forest.
Mm.
Sorry.
That must have been
very difficult.
It was.
GULPS HER DRINK
Christ, you swallow loudly, Linda.
LINDA SCOFFS
Yes. Apparently so.
Right, gonna get down to the stump.
Was weird, right?
Was a bit loud, yeah.
Should get that seen too.
Linda.
Yeah?
It should have clicked
when I saw your smile.
You've got his wonky smile.
And his wonky gait.
It would be easier to find out who
wasn't Fayther's child, wouldn't it?
Hm!
Don't gloat, Joy? Please.
Come to the Mother Tree
celebration, Jim.
No.
Ryan's got a surprise for you.
For me?
Have a think about it.
MUSIC: Untitled Love Song
by Angels Of Light
Everything in this forest
started like this.
And this started beneath our feet.
Underground.
The fungal networks weaving
their magic through the soil.
Every living thing
has a natural life cycle.
And every living thing dies.
And that's the natural order.
We fear it,
but we can learn from the mushrooms,
and try to embrace it
live a life of purpose,
like truffles.
We mourn endings,
but we must also celebrate
new beginnings.
May all your transitions be joyful.
ALL: May all your transitions
be joyful.
And drug me with visions untrue
But I own a photograph
You're laying naked upon your back
Safe in a stone house
By the sea-ea-ea
There's nothing true
and nothing's real
But I remember one clear feel
Warm beneath your
gentle company ♪
Do you think the soul is a solid?
You know, like an organ.
Like a liver or a spleen.
Or is it Is it like a gas,
like gas?
Like gas.
Oh. II don't think
I'm the right person
to ask about this sort of
bodily thing, Tone.
I've only just found out that
I wee through my urethra.
And not my you know.
Anyway, sorry.
Why did you want to know about
the soul?
Oh. Cos I've been reading that
Desmond Morris, yeah?
And he reckons a man's soul
is located in his testicles.
Right?
And a woman's soul is located
in her ovaries. Right?
And we become immortal
by reproducing and passing
on our genes.
Oh, right.
Desmond Morris from
Animal Magic?
No, that's Johnny Morris!
Did he have a chimp?
They both had chimps.
Eh?
Desmond Morris
Yeah. ..is a zoologist
Right? Right. ..who had
a chimp called Congo
that was also an artist. Right?
And Johnny Morris
presented his TV show from a zoo
and he had a chimp
that was his friend.
Sorry, hang on.
There's There's two blokes
called Morris
Yes. ..whose jobs both have
the word "zoo" in them
Yes.
and they both had friends
who were chimps?
That's right.
Struggling with this.
Menopause.
I don't know nothing about
the menopause.
Well, you should.
Well, it don't affect me.
Do you know any women?
Oh, I know plenty of women.
Well, then it does affect you,
doesn't it?
Right. See, the thing about
Desmond Morris, right? Mm.
If he's right,
and the soul is a solid, right
Mm-hm.
and it is located
in a man's testicles
I think that I can feel my soul.
Have you got a lump
in your testicles, Tone?
No.
Well, if you have,
then it's not your soul,
and I'd check it immediately.
Well, that's very generous of you,
Linda,
but I think I'll go and see
a doctor.
Uh
Ah!
HE CHUCKLES
Ah, there you go,
I thought you were
Grandmayther size?
You look just like her.
Hey. Do I have to wear
the plaits?
Cos it's really pulling on my hair
and it's really itchy.
Right. Does the rain moan about
being wet, Linda? Eh?
It's an honour to wear
Grandmayther's clothes,
and hair Linda.
Be disrespectful
not to wear the whole thing.
I am honoured, of course.
Right, shall we get going, then,
Ags?
Oh, where you off to?
Just a few weeks away is all, Linda.
A few weeks?!
I can't run the cafe by myself!
How do you even catch an eel?
Just use your hands, you daft cunt.
Yeah, don't worry, you won't be
running this place by
yourself, Linda.
No we, er, we made a few calls.
Help is on its way, Linda.
What are you laughing at?
I'm not a cunt, actually.
And it'll be mash and mash
for two weeks.
Eh? Nothing.
CAR DOORS CLOSE
ENGINE STARTS
HORN BLARES
Oh, Sally, my dear
It's you I'd be kissing
She smiled and replied,
"You don't know what you're missing
Oh, Sally, my dear
I wish I could wed you
Oh, Sally, my dear
I wish I could bed you ♪