How NOT to Summon a Demon Lord (2018) s02e07 Episode Script

[TAKUMA gasps] Why is battleax
Laminitus standing in my room?
Looking thirsty as a cactus
in summer, I might add.
I have an offer for you.
Please don't refuse.
It's good for both of us.
Make Zircon Tower your home
as long as you'd like.
[TAKUMA gasps]
Okay, that's not fair!
Besides, Lumachina asked
for my help first.
I don't think
the Church can help.
As long as it's in the hands
of selfish, indulgent beings,
we're on our own against
the resurrected Demon Lord.
[DIABLO]
Do you have a plan?
[LUMACHINA]
Yes.
I think I'll return
to the royal capital.
That's a terrible idea.
Have you forgotten that those
people are after your life?
Do you want to die?
Please, Diablo sir!
I beg you to consider lending me
your power for this mission.
[TAKUMA]
Ah, screw it. I'll go with her.
Now to explain this to
Laminitus like a Demon Lord
and not a terrified plebe.
Well. My enemy's
in the royal capital,
so if you plan to interfere,
I suggest you get moving?
I don't need to go
right away, do I?
I've prepared a hospitality
gift just for you.
[TAKUMA] In what world
is this hospitality?
[LAMINITUS gasps]
What's that poking me?
[TAKUMA] Horns!
You're grabbing my horns, lady!
[LAMINITUS sighs]
You're so strong and ox-like!
Hey! Careful, my body
is Level 150!
I can't help but
master everything I do.
There's no way you can
tell me you don't love this.
I pressed your love button.
[TAKUMA]
What's wrong with her?
[LAMINITUS] You're never
gonna wanna leave me
after I'm done with you!
[TAKUMA] False! I want
to leave right now!
[gasps] There's a giant
Fallen stalking us!
Huh? Hey! Where are you
going? Diablo!
I won't loosen
my grip next time.
Just you wait.
[SHERA]
Look, it's Faltra!
[REM] Finally back where
things make sense.
I hope Klem and Edelgard
survived without us.
[SHERA]
Mei was taking care of them,
so I'm sure they're just peachy!
So we're heading to
the royal capital
as soon as everyone's
ready, aren't we?
That's right.
Speaking of which, we'll need
to find a carriage, first.
Lucky for you, I'm already
on top of that.
[HORN]
Oh, can I go with you?
What's the matter?
[LUMACHINA]
I was thinking.
I'd like to find the church
in this city and pay a visit.
[SHERA] Huh? Can't you
just pray in your head?
If you're being targeted
by control-freak Cardinals,
then any church is probably
the last place you should be.
I'd assume the priest in
this town is an enemy, as well.
[LUMACHINA]
There was a horrible battle
against the Fallen
here recently.
Many citizens lost their lives.
I'd like to pray for
their sacrifice. As thanks.
Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
I know where it is!
I'll take you!
Seriously? She needs
someone to protect her,
not make things worse.
[SHERA]
Really?
[EMILE] Never fear!
For any woman in distress,
this dashing local hero is here!
[EMILE]
My name is Emile Bichelberger!
A passionate protector
of all women.
A man devoted to fighting
for honor and praise.
Master, I don't
trust this human.
Who is this gilded loser?
[TAKUMA] That entrance
was quite questionable.
I could absolutely
use your protection.
Thank you, Sir, for offering it.
The trust of a woman
gives me strength!
These arms of steel
will keep you safe!
[SYLVIE]
Put 'em away!
You know better than
to accept a quest
in the middle of another quest!
[EMILE groans]
Oh c'mon, G-M!
There's a woman
who needs protection!
Who else has these pecs?
[SYLVIE] The only thing you
should be flexing around here
is your swordsmanship.
[REM] I thought I heard
your voice. Hi, Sylv!
Good to see you!
Hi Rem, welcome back.
Shera.
Yo! Deebowski!
And you picked up some new
lady strays on the way, I see.
It's not without good reason.
Trust me, Deebs, I remember!
Oh, by the way, in case
you're looking for her,
Klem's at Peter's, a bakery
in the southern district.
What for? Is she stocking up
on cookies or something?
Nah. More random than that.
Edelgard is working
there part-time.
[REM] Because being
a Fallen doesn't pay
as much as it used to, or?
[ROSE] Is this it?
The bakery in question?
It is.
[gasps]
[TAKUMA]
What the crap is that mess?
It looks like a party
shop threw up in here!
[EDELGARD] Oh my!
Isn't this a pleasant surprise?
Welcome home.
Wait. Diablo?
I was told you would be here.
I just wasn't sure
what to believe.
Cookies do not grow on trees.
The Demon Lord must
pay money for them,
and I must earn that money or
she will starve, she says. So.
[TAKUMA]
Man, that's gotta suck.
[MEI]
Hey! Is that you, Diablo?
Welcome back!
What a surprise! Meow-meow!
Wait a minute, aren't you
Mei from the inn?
What happened to Peace of Mind?
To tell you the truth,
business has taken a nosedive.
After the Demon Lord came back,
people stopped wanting
to travel west.
[TAKUMA]
Yeesh. Sucks to be her, too.
[MEI]
But meow we have a Fallen café!
We know you'll be
purr-fectly comfortable here!
[TAKUMA] They converted it
into a Fallen café
to keep Edelgard from
standing out. Smart.
[PETER] Last time I checked, you
weren't paid to stand around.
Right. Sorry, boss.
I swear. We really are
a normal bakery, sir.
But ever since we
hired Edelgard,
you never know
what you'll walk into.
These are so yummy!
Where'd she come from?
Klem, have you been here
this whole time?
Delish! Go bring out
more cookies.
I'm almost done!
Really? You've eaten nothing
but cookies since this morning.
Why don't you try
a vegetable or something?
No. The Demon Lord has spoken.
Her requests are
final. Now, obey!
You can refuse,
but she'll kill you.
[PETER] I'll get started
on a new batch!
[TAKUMA] Poor guy.
I hope he's hanging in there.
The peace of the world
relies on his shop's cookies!
[KREBSKULM]
Glad you made it in one piece!
Good deal.
This isn't my final stop.
The royal capital is next.
Did you do something dumb
and end up in trouble again?
You could put it that way.
[KREBSKULM chuckles] You're
giving me a total 'Hero' vibe
with this frequency
of screw-ups.
How dare you say that to me!
I'm a powerful Demon Lord!
[TAKUMA] Although being in
this store makes me look like
I'm cosplaying with
the rest of these jerks.
So, spill it.
Why's a Demon Lord going
to the royal capital?
Wait, don't tell me yet.
I wanna guess.
Are you planning to side with
that human that
reeks of God-breath?
I'm going there to
crush some annoying pests
who've been asking for it.
[KREBSKULM]
That's exactly the kind of thing
those pathetic Heroes say.
Well, do what you
gotta do and be careful.
There's been some odd stuff
reported in the east.
It's not a Demon Lord, but
It's definitely some
kind of great power.
Huh?
[CELES] I'd like to hear more
about that, if you don't mind.
It's been a while,
hasn't it, Diablo?
[DIABLO]
Celestine Baudelaire?
What are you doing
in a place like this?
Simple. You know I
can't leave the city.
I came to have some tea.
[TAKUMA]
Something's not right.
Should the person
responsible for guarding
the barrier of Faltra
so that monsters don't enter
be at a café with Demon Lords?
No wait. My bad.
I totally forgot.
I asked her to take care of
Klem before we left. Duh.
Klem and I are
café buddies, aren't we?
Don't you know it!
[TAKUMA]
Isn't that precious?
[PUNK 7A]
Hey, who's in there?
Hope you were given permission
to set up your shop here!
Why're you trying to
disrespect the Measmos family?
[PETER]
No! I have so much respect!
That so?
[TAKUMA]
Ugh, what's going on now?
I don't want to get involved.
[PUNK 7A]
Ah, bro, today's your lucky day!
We'll sell you this
neat Pig Statue.
The Mage's Association made it
and it's yours for ten thousand!
That's way too expensive for me!
Don't pretend you don't want it!
I don't recall us
ever making that.
Just look at the
poor craftsmanship.
[EDELGARD]
Oh no. This is not good.
They're driving off
our customers.
They've gotta get outta here.
Wow. Guess they're finally
showing up around here, too.
[TAKUMA]
I give up.
Pay up! I've given you
a great deal!
Ah.
See that? Now your customers
feel stressed and neglected!
[TAKUMA]
Frikkin' idiot!
Go, Infinity--
No, don't kill!
[PUNK 7A gasps]
[KREBSKULM]
The amount of idiocy that exists
in one being is astounding.
You've dared to anger
a Demon Lord and will pay
for your foul character
with a violent death.
Is an example of
what I would've said
if my master hadn't
ordered me not to kill you,
but instead I'm
letting you go free!
No way? We won't forget this!
Who the heck were those wieners?
Members of the Measmos family.
They're a criminal
organization, meow.
But they're slick about
the way they operate,
so it's been difficult
to arrest them.
[PETER]
So many people in this city
have suffered at their hands.
Now, I have no choice
but to close.
[BOTH sigh]
Wait a minute. if you close,
I won't be able
to eat my cookies!
Damn that Measmos fam!
They're going to
be exterminated!
[TAKUMA]
I hate it here.
[MEASMOS] Really? You
encountered someone that strong?
I didn't realize it! I'm sorry!
I'm fascinated.
Activating Rust Burst!
[KREBSKULM] Yeah, I guess
if you want to use the lamest
spell you know,
that one works.
What happened to the one
you used against me?
That one was fire.
Which one?
I think it was called
Apocalypse Abyss?
[TAKUMA] Okay, crazy.
Like I'd use a spell that would
turn this entire place
into a wasteland.
[DIABLO] Heh. It is stronger,
but I'm not big on
meaningless commotion.
What the? Did something explode?
Which organization are you with?
This here is
private property, pal!
You dare defy the Demon Lord?
I will end you!
Every single one.
I hope you all came here
expecting to die.
Is that so?
Who the heck are you?
What is she doing?
If they kill anyone,
even villains,
they won't be allowed
to stay in the city!
[ROSE] Please wait.
You mustn't kill them.
[TAKUMA]
Rose!
[ROSE] Death is too lenient
for these fools,
or anyone defying my master.
We must tear their
limbs apart one by one
and make them
endure the full weight
of the sins they've committed.
Sounds good!
[TAKUMA]
What? That's even worse!
Quit screwing around!
They've underestimated us!
[TAKUMA] If this keeps going,
we're in trouble.
Now! Explosion!
[MEASMOS FAMILY screams]
Hey. What happened?
Was that magic?
This is taking too long.
You three stay back here.
Pardon me, sir.
That's not fair!
I was looking forward to
punishing them, too!
[TAKUMA] There's no way you
could punish without killing!
All right, I'm over this noise!
Where is this
Measmos guy hiding?
[FLUNKY 7F]
Impressive power!
[SCARFACE]
You gotta be kidding.
I didn't think anyone
would be dumb enough
to storm the mansion.
I'm gonna choose to
believe it's because
no one knows
I've been hired yet.
Scarface is finally
making an entrance!
[FLUNKY 7F]
Oh man!
[FLUNKY 7E]
I know that guy.
He's a living legend
who defeated
the Grand Orc in a massive duel!
[FLUNKY 7F]
And barehanded, too!
[KREBSKULM]
Are you Measmos or what?
Ha! No, but if you can beat me,
I'll tell you exactly
where the boss is.
What? It's a simple question.
I was promised he'd be here
but someone lied!
I'm running into everyone but!
It goes against my policy
to hit women and children,
but I'll make an
exception for you.
Don't expect me to go easy!
[KREBSKULM]
Boop.
[SCARFACE screams]
Aw, score! Did you see that?
I did and I'm very impressed!
A bit overkill.
Didn't we need him to
tell us where Measmos is?
Aw man, how'd I
screw that up so bad?
[DIABLO sighs]
[DIABLO] Hey! Answer honestly
if you value your life.
[FLUNKY 7E gasps]
[MEASMOS] You still haven't
defeated the intruders?
[FLUNKY 7G]
Don't worry about it!
Scarface is on the job
and will take care of them!
Ya know, at first I thought
he was too expensive.
But he's great to have
at a time like this.
Put your pants on!
Where is Measmos?
[FLUNKY 7G gasps]
[CAT BABES scream]
I didn't think you'd
make it this far. I'm impressed!
So then. Tell me.
What organization hired you?
The Lord? Commerce Guild?
How much did they pay you?
[TAKUMA] This is their boss?
Some short, crusty, old dude?
How 'bout this.
Work with me!
I'll pay you double.
What do you say?
Gee, it's too bad I don't care
about mortal organizations.
Like, at all.
The only thing
I want is revenge!
Huh? What on earth
are you talking about?
[TAKUMA] Yeah, that one
is a little unclear.
Why would anyone
expect a Demon Lord
to attack someone for
ruining her cookies?
I'll slaughter every
single one of you!
Save your sob stories of regret!
You can tell me about it
in the afterlife!
[TAKUMA]
Oh, hell no!
Hold on!
Go, Infinity Detonation!
[gasps, screams]
[KREBSKULM]
Hey. What the heck, man?
Why are you saving every
frikkin cookie ruin-er I find?
[TAKUMA]
The answer is, I don't care
if they're a villain or not.
I don't want to kill anyone.
But I can't say that
out loud as a Demon Lord.
So now what?
[EDELGARD]
Oh, I know.
Let's tear off his limbs!
Then we can mince them!
That would definitely teach him
the weight of his sins.
[MEASMOS gasps]
Get back!
Don't either of you
think about it!
If we kill him,
it won't make up for
the evil deeds
he's already done.
But at least he won't be able to
do anything to anyone else.
[TAKUMA]
Forget it!
Everyone on my team is sick
and obsessed with murder!
Wait! I have a thought!
Let's make him apologize
for his crimes!
Apologize? What makes
you think that's enough?
I don't know.
It seems like it wouldn't be,
but, when I do something wrong,
the boss makes me apologize
and do the dishes.
Yes! That's it!
That's what we want to do!
Make him atone
by doing good deeds
equal to the crimes
he's committed.
Yeah! I think I like that idea
even better, Diablo!
Just leave it to you
to be a genius!
Did you hear that, ya punk?
Yes, miss! I heard him
quite clearly!
[KREBSKULM]
Are you sure?
What did he say
you would do to repent?
He said I would do
good deeds as payment.
You were listening!
And just so you know,
if you deceive this Demon Lord,
I get to feed you to
a hundred monsters.
And they're starving.
[MEASMOS cries]
[KREBSKULM laughs]
[KREBSKULM]
Ugh, that smell!
I don't know why you drag that
God-breath woman around.
So now he has to shine
your shoes, or what?
Sounds like you
went through a lot.
All in a day's work for Diablo.
Yeah, we're so proud of you!
[GALFORD]
Pardon me.
[TAKUMA] I'm gonna puke!
Is that Galford?
[GALFORD] Greetings, Diablo.
It's been a while.
What are you doing here?
I'm in the middle of dinner.
I've not come for you today.
I'm after that child!
She's the subject
of concern lately.
Huh? Who the heck are you?
I'm the Lord in charge of
the Fortress City of Faltra.
My name is Chester Ray Galford.
Oh. You're the one
in charge of the city.
Kudos. The cookies here
are like no other!
I'm their biggest fan!
[GALFORD] One of my
subordinates went undercover
with a certain organization
and delivered an
intriguing report.
He said a young girl
attacked him and his soldiers
with magic he'd
never seen before.
And then the girl claimed
she was a Demon Lord.
Was that you?
[TAKUMA] He had men undercover
with the Measmos family?
There's a fine line between
passionate and creepy,
Mister Galford.
Mister Lord, keep in mind
that Klem's a child!
I understand. And I've
been around long enough
to know not to
believe every report.
[REM]
Word.
I'll conduct a
thorough investigation
at our military facility.
That's fair, right?
Surely you won't refuse?
Um, that's fine.
[gasps]
Do you intend to
take action against me?
I would prefer not to.
But I can't turn a
blind eye to a Demon Lord
and Fallen within
the city bounds.
Even if it costs me my life.
[MEI]
Ahem? Meow?
[GALFORD]
Who's there?
Pardon me for
interrupting you, meow.
The bakery owner's here.
Can we see Klem?
Yeah. Hello.
Hello, Bakery Owner!
What did you need?
Well, you see, a messenger
from the Measmos family
came by and said they won't
demand tribute anymore.
They even left an
apology note and money!
It said they were keeping
their promise to Klem!
Because of you,
I can keep the shop going!
Thank you so much!
That's great news!
I couldn't have done it without
Diablo's encouragement!
Wait, what?
I didn't do anything.
Come back soon,
Demon Lords. Anytime.
Oh, Mister Galford,
in case it sounds weird,
'Demon Lord' is just a name
we use for fun in the shop.
Like a game?
[CELES] My goodness!
Nice to see you, Lord.
[GALFORD]
Celestine Baudelaire?
Should you be walking
around alone at night?
Ordinarily I wouldn't be.
But I really needed
to thank Klem.
The people who pretended
to be selling these items
for the Mage's Association
came by to apologize.
I'm told it's because of you.
I'm grateful.
I am pretty awesome.
[MEI]
P.S.
[GALFORD]
Is there something else?
[giggles] Yes, meow!
There are a lot more
people who came by
to say thank you to Klem!
Can I let them in, meow?
[MAN 7C] Those men won't be
coming to our shop anymore!
--Yo, yo!
--Yo, sho'ty-Klem!
We were down and lost all hope,
but you saved our shop.
Dang girl, you're dope!
We came to drop thanks
and I love yous!
You rule!
Aw yeah!
Huh. I think I'll
be leaving now.
Oh. Why? We cramping
your style or something?
No other Demon Lord has gained
such praise from
so many citizens.
I'm of no use here.
Besides, there's not enough time
to engage in investigations.
Such pointless suspicions.
[SHERA sighs]
[TAKUMA sighs]
Thank goodness.
[LUMACHINA]
Thank you for all your help.
You were a lifesaver,
Emile Bichelberger.
Alas, it is a shame
I can't go with you!
Guess we're not surprised
the Head Priest made it.
Nah, she's hardcore.
Man I'd hate to
be you right now.
But good luck! You got this!
Ha. How soon they forget.
I'm still a Demon Lord.
Now, let's head out!
To the Great Cathedral
of the royal capital.
Oh? So Lumachina's
still alive, is she?
Yes sir.
[VISHOS]
I guess it doesn't matter.
There's no way she'll
make it in time.
[ALICIA] This world needs
a purge brought on
by a Demon Lord! Right now!
[VISHOS]
Welcome home, Miss Lumachina.
[LUMACHINA] No matter
how great the cost may be,
you must repent for
the sins you've committed!