Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s02e07 Episode Script
Jade Times Jade
1
Whoa.
Not even a scratch,
big v--
I mean, uh,
shendu, sir.
Try harder.
The pan ku box
must be opened.
(Kung fu yell)
Charging rhino
cracks walnut!
Uh, open sesame?
What a absurd
waste of time.
Cheerio.
Unh!
Need I remind you,
valmont
That it is I who holds
controlling interest
in this partnership,
and the sooner
we find the portals
and release
my demon brethren,
the sooner you will have
your pathetic body
to yourself.
Aah! Go! Open already!
Aah!
Remember, I cannot touch
good magic.
Uh, shen-dude.
Hey, it
ain't no box.
It's a puzzle.
Ah. A map
- to the first portal.
Uh, it says
we gotta find
"that which runs,
but never walks
to the mouth
which never talks."
A puzzle
with a riddle.
Shendu: At last.
The demon sorcerers
will return
and walk the earth,
casting their shadow
upon all human--
ah. Tell me
- someone wrote that down.
Anyone?
Uncle, please
slow down.
You so need
to chill.
If I chill, demons will be
dancing upon all our graves.
I must research
the proper chi spells
to seal the 7 portals.
All required ingredients
must be on hand and ready.
Uh, uh, uncle.
Hmm?
At least let me help.
What do you know
about magic?
I was apprentice
to chi master fong
for 15 years!
(Sighs)
Perhaps it is time
for me to train
an apprentice of my own.
Someone of sound judgment
whom I can trust
with my chi knowledge.
Me--me--me!
I'll put some focus
in your hocus.
Tohru.
It won't budge.
Clearly the box's way
of telling us
we must find
the first portal
before proceeding
to the next.
Well, if our recollection
of the directions
are accurate,
the portal which
imprisons po Kong,
the mountain demon,
will be found in
what is now Tokyo, Japan.
(Snores)
Hey, t.
Whatcha workin' on?
(Snores)
"Duplication spell
for beginners." Huh.
Uncle always says
this is
his most valuable vase.
Time to double his money.
Whoa. Uncle is gonna
beg me to be his apprentice.
Jackie: Uncle.
Uncle.
Pack your things.
Captain black
just informed me
that shendu
is headed for Tokyo.
Do not move.
What? What is it? Ow!
Do you expect me to seal
the demon door with
salt and pepper, no?
Then you go to Tokyo
and find out which demon
we are dealing with
so I can research
a proper chi spell.
Good night.
(Sighs)
Yes, uncle.
Sounds like you could use
my help, Jackie-o,
and I've never been
to Tokyo--
Jade,
- it's a school night.
Oh.
Now promise me
that you will stay here
and do your homework.
Promise.
I can do my homework
and go with Jackie.
Both: Whoa. Freaky.
Jinx! (Laughs)
Shendu: The map indicated
that we proceed
300 paces southeast
from the cherry
blossom grove,
where we will follow that
which runs but never walks
to the mouth
which never talks.
Chow: I don't see
any cherry blossoms.
That wretched box
is thousands of years old.
There have clearly been
some developments
in the landscape since then.
Ooh. Ooh, looky-
looky-looky-looky.
No, ratso.
You can't have one.
Don't you see?
It runs on batteries
but doesn't walk,
and it's got a mouth.
No way it talks.
I suppose
it's worth a look.
That which runs
but never walks.
I've got your back, Jack.
Tokyo is mondo coolio,
don't ya think?
(Gasps)
- What are you doing here?
Tch. Like I was
gonna miss this.
But my homework--
we promised Jackie.
No. You promised Jackie.
Uncle: Aiyeeya!
(Grunts)
Uncle? Ow!
You cast a lousy spell.
I did?
My one-of-a-kind vase
is no longer
one-of-a-kind.
(Uncle gasps)
One more thing.
You can tag along,
but no more
surprises, capisce?
Both: Uh, surprise?
Jade: Uh
What just happened here?
Talk later.
Let's roll.
Wait!
No portals
to demon worlds here.
Unh!
Hey!
Jade: Jackie!
I'm open!
Jade, what
are you doing--
why do I
bother to ask?
Got it!
Get her!
I got her!
(Pants)
No, I got her!
What do you mean?
I got her
But she don't
got the box.
Ooh!
Unh!
Jade, where's the box?
Uh
(Growls)
Gazelle pounce!
Good.
Go hide.
Jade, please,
I told you to hide.
Did not.
Oh, bad day,
bad day, bad day.
All: Unh!
(Growls)
- Angry crow takes flight!
No, no, no!
All: Aah!
All: Aah!
All: Jackie!
I'll teach you
to take things
that don't belong
to you, chan!
I have a better idea.
Hello.
Three's a crowd.
Jackie, are you ok?
Oh
I landed on the box.
Whoa.
Belly flop.
Uncle: Full line
atop 2 broken lines.
Jackie, that is a trigram
of the mountain demon.
I will gather
chi ingredients
and come at once.
Allow me to assist
you, master.
Why? You are
a lousy apprentice.
But I did not cast
the duplicator spell.
Blah. If you did not,
then who did?
Can't you guys just
pull yourselves together?
Hey, don't look at us,
Copperfield.
You're the one
who cast the spell.
Jackie: Jade
Have you been
contemplating
the riddle?
Sure. What riddle
was that, uncle Jackie?
(Sighs)
- The riddle we must solve
before shendu does.
Runs but never walks.
Mouth but never talks.
Where were you two?
Hello. Ice.
So maybe you can,
like, chill.
Quick! Hide!
Mouth but doesn't talk.
Runs but never--
waa! Quick, Jackie.
Look out the window.
Window? What are
you talking--
(Gasps)
Jackie: Jade,
you are a genius.
I am?
A river runs
but never walks.
Has a mouth
which never talks.
The sumiya river
must lead to the portal.
Waa!
Jackie, don't worry.
I can explain everything.
(All chuckle)
Hi, Jackie.
All: Mmm.
Boy, this is good.
Uh, uh,
when uncle arrives,
tell him
where to find me.
Can't I come, Jackie?
They're getting
on my nerves.
(Chuckles)
But you have
so much in common.
You will have
to stay here.
All of you.
All: Oh, Jackie.
Do we have to?
Valmont: When in doubt
Allow Jackie chan
to do the grunt work.
Heave, ho!
How do we know
chan's even warm?
I don't see
any portals.
Yeah, just
- a souvenir stand, and
Many thanks for
leading us here, chan.
So, how are we
gonna open the portal?
Whoa.
Behold! The triumphant
return of my sister,
po Kong,
the mountain demon.
Must be
his big sister.
Enough fanfare.
What's for supper?
Bon appetit.
(Slurps)
Mmm, an hors d'oeuvre.
Oh, no! Unh!
Aah! Come back here, you!
(Gasps)
Hurry, uncle.
Aah!
Aah! Ooh!
Unh!
Hut!
Unh! Aah!
(Roars)
(Inhales)
Aah!
Ow!
Aah!
Mmm.
(Slurps)
Jade: Hey, big Bertha.
Mmm.
It's not polite
to play with your food.
Hmm, another
tiny portion.
All: Tch.
All: Whoa.
(Laughs)
Whoa!
Finger food.
All: You mean
knuckle sandwich.
Yaa!
Po: Unh!
Waa!
Aah!
Aah!
(All grunt)
The chi spell,
tohru.
(Jades roar)
Jades: Get her!
Keep her pinned down
till uncle casts
the chi spell!
Jades! Be careful!
(Thugs grunt)
Unh! Nice try, girls.
Unh! Unh!
Now the drum.
Uh, drum?
The symbol
of the immortal
who originally
imprisoned po Kong.
(Gulps)
I--I thought
you had it.
Aiyeeeya! What kind
of apprentice are you?
A lousy one.
Uncle!
(Speaking Chinese)
Jackie! Drum must
be struck 3 times!
No!
Enough.
(Grunts)
All: Look out! Whoa!
Aaaah!
All: Whoa!
All: Aah!
No!
All: Unh! Oh.
Oh!
Uncle
Jackie: The pan ku box.
I think there is
a bigger problem
to solve.
(Sighs)
I must do research.
Uh, no need, master.
I believe
no finishing charm
was applied to the original
duplication spell.
That is why
it continues to repeat.
Huh?
Uh, I did some reading
during the long flight.
Tohru will be
a good apprentice.
Did you bring
the finishing charm?
Mmm, but it will only work
on the original Jade.
Jade!
All: Pick me! Over here!
(Grunts) I--ok.
Whoever cast the spell
in the first place
is grounded
with no TV for a year.
(All gasp)
She did it!
Tch. Tattletales.
-Hey, Jackie.
-Yes?
Have you ever refused
to do a stunt?
Yes. When I design
a stunt,
I'm thinking,
"yes, I can do it."
Suppose I go out
the window
on the roof--boom!
Land on the car
with all the luggage,
then I slide down,
then open the door,
go to the car
in one shot.
Then you can see
tod--tod--chu-chu--
chu--chu!
I like to do
these kind of things.
It was something
I cannot do
is fly over
the--the Grand Canyon.
No, I'm not gonna do that.
Whoa.
Not even a scratch,
big v--
I mean, uh,
shendu, sir.
Try harder.
The pan ku box
must be opened.
(Kung fu yell)
Charging rhino
cracks walnut!
Uh, open sesame?
What a absurd
waste of time.
Cheerio.
Unh!
Need I remind you,
valmont
That it is I who holds
controlling interest
in this partnership,
and the sooner
we find the portals
and release
my demon brethren,
the sooner you will have
your pathetic body
to yourself.
Aah! Go! Open already!
Aah!
Remember, I cannot touch
good magic.
Uh, shen-dude.
Hey, it
ain't no box.
It's a puzzle.
Ah. A map
- to the first portal.
Uh, it says
we gotta find
"that which runs,
but never walks
to the mouth
which never talks."
A puzzle
with a riddle.
Shendu: At last.
The demon sorcerers
will return
and walk the earth,
casting their shadow
upon all human--
ah. Tell me
- someone wrote that down.
Anyone?
Uncle, please
slow down.
You so need
to chill.
If I chill, demons will be
dancing upon all our graves.
I must research
the proper chi spells
to seal the 7 portals.
All required ingredients
must be on hand and ready.
Uh, uh, uncle.
Hmm?
At least let me help.
What do you know
about magic?
I was apprentice
to chi master fong
for 15 years!
(Sighs)
Perhaps it is time
for me to train
an apprentice of my own.
Someone of sound judgment
whom I can trust
with my chi knowledge.
Me--me--me!
I'll put some focus
in your hocus.
Tohru.
It won't budge.
Clearly the box's way
of telling us
we must find
the first portal
before proceeding
to the next.
Well, if our recollection
of the directions
are accurate,
the portal which
imprisons po Kong,
the mountain demon,
will be found in
what is now Tokyo, Japan.
(Snores)
Hey, t.
Whatcha workin' on?
(Snores)
"Duplication spell
for beginners." Huh.
Uncle always says
this is
his most valuable vase.
Time to double his money.
Whoa. Uncle is gonna
beg me to be his apprentice.
Jackie: Uncle.
Uncle.
Pack your things.
Captain black
just informed me
that shendu
is headed for Tokyo.
Do not move.
What? What is it? Ow!
Do you expect me to seal
the demon door with
salt and pepper, no?
Then you go to Tokyo
and find out which demon
we are dealing with
so I can research
a proper chi spell.
Good night.
(Sighs)
Yes, uncle.
Sounds like you could use
my help, Jackie-o,
and I've never been
to Tokyo--
Jade,
- it's a school night.
Oh.
Now promise me
that you will stay here
and do your homework.
Promise.
I can do my homework
and go with Jackie.
Both: Whoa. Freaky.
Jinx! (Laughs)
Shendu: The map indicated
that we proceed
300 paces southeast
from the cherry
blossom grove,
where we will follow that
which runs but never walks
to the mouth
which never talks.
Chow: I don't see
any cherry blossoms.
That wretched box
is thousands of years old.
There have clearly been
some developments
in the landscape since then.
Ooh. Ooh, looky-
looky-looky-looky.
No, ratso.
You can't have one.
Don't you see?
It runs on batteries
but doesn't walk,
and it's got a mouth.
No way it talks.
I suppose
it's worth a look.
That which runs
but never walks.
I've got your back, Jack.
Tokyo is mondo coolio,
don't ya think?
(Gasps)
- What are you doing here?
Tch. Like I was
gonna miss this.
But my homework--
we promised Jackie.
No. You promised Jackie.
Uncle: Aiyeeya!
(Grunts)
Uncle? Ow!
You cast a lousy spell.
I did?
My one-of-a-kind vase
is no longer
one-of-a-kind.
(Uncle gasps)
One more thing.
You can tag along,
but no more
surprises, capisce?
Both: Uh, surprise?
Jade: Uh
What just happened here?
Talk later.
Let's roll.
Wait!
No portals
to demon worlds here.
Unh!
Hey!
Jade: Jackie!
I'm open!
Jade, what
are you doing--
why do I
bother to ask?
Got it!
Get her!
I got her!
(Pants)
No, I got her!
What do you mean?
I got her
But she don't
got the box.
Ooh!
Unh!
Jade, where's the box?
Uh
(Growls)
Gazelle pounce!
Good.
Go hide.
Jade, please,
I told you to hide.
Did not.
Oh, bad day,
bad day, bad day.
All: Unh!
(Growls)
- Angry crow takes flight!
No, no, no!
All: Aah!
All: Aah!
All: Jackie!
I'll teach you
to take things
that don't belong
to you, chan!
I have a better idea.
Hello.
Three's a crowd.
Jackie, are you ok?
Oh
I landed on the box.
Whoa.
Belly flop.
Uncle: Full line
atop 2 broken lines.
Jackie, that is a trigram
of the mountain demon.
I will gather
chi ingredients
and come at once.
Allow me to assist
you, master.
Why? You are
a lousy apprentice.
But I did not cast
the duplicator spell.
Blah. If you did not,
then who did?
Can't you guys just
pull yourselves together?
Hey, don't look at us,
Copperfield.
You're the one
who cast the spell.
Jackie: Jade
Have you been
contemplating
the riddle?
Sure. What riddle
was that, uncle Jackie?
(Sighs)
- The riddle we must solve
before shendu does.
Runs but never walks.
Mouth but never talks.
Where were you two?
Hello. Ice.
So maybe you can,
like, chill.
Quick! Hide!
Mouth but doesn't talk.
Runs but never--
waa! Quick, Jackie.
Look out the window.
Window? What are
you talking--
(Gasps)
Jackie: Jade,
you are a genius.
I am?
A river runs
but never walks.
Has a mouth
which never talks.
The sumiya river
must lead to the portal.
Waa!
Jackie, don't worry.
I can explain everything.
(All chuckle)
Hi, Jackie.
All: Mmm.
Boy, this is good.
Uh, uh,
when uncle arrives,
tell him
where to find me.
Can't I come, Jackie?
They're getting
on my nerves.
(Chuckles)
But you have
so much in common.
You will have
to stay here.
All of you.
All: Oh, Jackie.
Do we have to?
Valmont: When in doubt
Allow Jackie chan
to do the grunt work.
Heave, ho!
How do we know
chan's even warm?
I don't see
any portals.
Yeah, just
- a souvenir stand, and
Many thanks for
leading us here, chan.
So, how are we
gonna open the portal?
Whoa.
Behold! The triumphant
return of my sister,
po Kong,
the mountain demon.
Must be
his big sister.
Enough fanfare.
What's for supper?
Bon appetit.
(Slurps)
Mmm, an hors d'oeuvre.
Oh, no! Unh!
Aah! Come back here, you!
(Gasps)
Hurry, uncle.
Aah!
Aah! Ooh!
Unh!
Hut!
Unh! Aah!
(Roars)
(Inhales)
Aah!
Ow!
Aah!
Mmm.
(Slurps)
Jade: Hey, big Bertha.
Mmm.
It's not polite
to play with your food.
Hmm, another
tiny portion.
All: Tch.
All: Whoa.
(Laughs)
Whoa!
Finger food.
All: You mean
knuckle sandwich.
Yaa!
Po: Unh!
Waa!
Aah!
Aah!
(All grunt)
The chi spell,
tohru.
(Jades roar)
Jades: Get her!
Keep her pinned down
till uncle casts
the chi spell!
Jades! Be careful!
(Thugs grunt)
Unh! Nice try, girls.
Unh! Unh!
Now the drum.
Uh, drum?
The symbol
of the immortal
who originally
imprisoned po Kong.
(Gulps)
I--I thought
you had it.
Aiyeeeya! What kind
of apprentice are you?
A lousy one.
Uncle!
(Speaking Chinese)
Jackie! Drum must
be struck 3 times!
No!
Enough.
(Grunts)
All: Look out! Whoa!
Aaaah!
All: Whoa!
All: Aah!
No!
All: Unh! Oh.
Oh!
Uncle
Jackie: The pan ku box.
I think there is
a bigger problem
to solve.
(Sighs)
I must do research.
Uh, no need, master.
I believe
no finishing charm
was applied to the original
duplication spell.
That is why
it continues to repeat.
Huh?
Uh, I did some reading
during the long flight.
Tohru will be
a good apprentice.
Did you bring
the finishing charm?
Mmm, but it will only work
on the original Jade.
Jade!
All: Pick me! Over here!
(Grunts) I--ok.
Whoever cast the spell
in the first place
is grounded
with no TV for a year.
(All gasp)
She did it!
Tch. Tattletales.
-Hey, Jackie.
-Yes?
Have you ever refused
to do a stunt?
Yes. When I design
a stunt,
I'm thinking,
"yes, I can do it."
Suppose I go out
the window
on the roof--boom!
Land on the car
with all the luggage,
then I slide down,
then open the door,
go to the car
in one shot.
Then you can see
tod--tod--chu-chu--
chu--chu!
I like to do
these kind of things.
It was something
I cannot do
is fly over
the--the Grand Canyon.
No, I'm not gonna do that.