Nobody Wants This (2024) s02e07 Episode Script

1
My heart beats fast
When you're speaking ♪
Your words cut me to pieces ♪
Now we're what, wait, what? ♪
My heart beats fast when you're speaking
Your words ♪
- No. She did not say that?
- What?
You told Morgan
her relationship was moving fast,
and she said, "When you know, you know"?
Yeah, is that a weird thing to say?
Yes! I hate it when people say,
"When you know, you know."
I think it's disgusting.
I'm not in love with how
their relationship started, but I mean,
I can be open to people
knowing when they know, right?
No. Sorry, you can't.
But we know we know about us.
Yeah, but we don't
go around saying it, right?
It's like saying, um,
"I know something
that you couldn't possibly know."
"I have something
you couldn't possibly understand."
But between you and I,
I do feel that way about us.
Of course, but we know better
than to say it out loud.
Okay, exactly, except to each other.
That's right.
Can't believe I have to go
wedding dress shopping with her today.
Could there be anything more insane?
Um, however you feel about this
is how I feel.
Correct.
Thank you.
Not gonna eat anything before you go?
Oh no. First day of a new job,
I couldn't eat a thing.
- Mm.
- Very, very, very excited about Ahava.
I feel like a progressive temple
could be exactly what I need.
Maybe the way you know you know about us
is the way you know you know about Ahava.
I'm hoping. I'm really hoping because
this might be the perfect solution for me.
And by me, I mean us.
[soft music plays]
I mean, I don't love being the second
non-Jewish rabbi's wife at that temple,
but I'll accept it.
Let's just hope she's not blonde.
I don't even think it's what Morgan wants.
I think it's what Dr. Andy wants.
- How do you know?
- [music fades]
She's my sister. I can feel
what she feels before she feels it.
Yeah, but what's your evidence?
Feelings are evidence.
- Don't worry, I have a plan.
- Oy.
I am going to make her realize
she doesn't know what she knows.
- Can I be the voice of reason here?
- No.
Hey, have a great first
"rabbi at the new temple" day. Mm.
Have a great
"ruining wedding dress shopping" day.
I will.
My heart beats fast
When you're speaking ♪
Your words cut me to pieces ♪
[woman] We like to keep things loose
at Ahava. We don't like rules.
Religion should be expansive,
not restrictive.
Exactly. Our congregation is religious,
don't get me wrong.
We just kind of have
a more modern approach.
Like, I don't drive on Shabbat,
but if my mom's in the hospital,
I'm not walking to Pasadena
to prove a point. Know what I mean?
I think rigidity
doesn't bring you closer to God.
[woman] Know what brings you
closer to God? Having an open heart.
[rabbi] Exactly.
We wanna open it up
to as many people as possible, you know?
We want more Jews, not less.
We're trying to put asses in seats.
And you don't do that by telling people
that they can't marry
the hot blonde they met at Coachella.
[woman] Yeah.
Let me tell you a story
about a little Jewish fellow
named Steven
[chuckles]
Spielberg.
- Here we go. Love this one.
- [rabbi] Anyway
Yeah. Love him.
When Steven Spielberg shows up
to his film sets, he has no plan.
He has no shot list.
He hasn't gone over it with the actors.
He just likes to get there,
see what unfolds.
That's what we're like.
We're like Spielberg.
- No plan.
- No plan.
He's actually a congregant here.
- He's building a new wing.
- Really?
Building a whole new thing.
The Spielberg Wing.
- Gonna be right there. It's pretty cool.
- [Noah] My gosh.
You don't have to wear the kippah
if you don't want to.
We "keep-a-it" very casual
when it comes to kippahs here.
- Lose that bad boy.
- Okay.
- Yeah. Might as well
- Dude. Look at me.
- Raw.
- [Noah] Yeah, no, I noticed.
- [rabbi] I'm fancy-free over here.
- Yeah.
I'm rawdoggin' the world.
- Okay.
- [rabbi] Look at that.
- So much lighter in the face.
- You grew two inches, it looks like.
Feels good, huh?
I don't know.
- You seem happier.
- Yeah.
I'll try it. I'll try it tomorrow.
Maybe tomorrow.
You're gonna have crazy dreams tonight.
Since that's been off. Yeah.
- Hope you have a journal.
- Clips.
[rabbi] Clips are a pain.
[upbeat music plays]
[music fades]
[Lynn] Oh my gosh.
You know, Temple Ahava is one of
my top contenders for conversion classes.
I woke up this morning
feeling extra Jewish.
How nice for you.
- [Henry] Thank you.
- [Morgan] Okay.
What do we think?
Um
Okay, a long pause. [chuckles awkwardly]
Usually that's not good.
Mm. I don't know. It has a pajama feel.
- Oh.
- [Joanne] It's nice.
Okay.
Did you guys see the panty lines?
They were really, really obvious.
I'm 100% fine saying something to Morgan.
I just think it would be better
coming from the two of you, you know?
About the dress?
No. About how crazy this is.
Dr. Andy is not a real person.
I feel like Morgan's gonna end up
the subject of some murder podcast
everyone's obsessed with.
- [scoffs]
- Oh, please. You're being very dramatic.
I don't think you're being
dramatic enough. I don't get it, Mom.
You'll call me for an hour to talk about
your friend's daughter's house
that fell out of escrow,
but this? Nothing?
Yeah, I don't know.
Sometimes, for me, small things feel big,
and big things feel small.
Okay, but, Dad, you can see
that this is crazy, right?
The whole world's crazy.
You know what? I'm done judging people.
Well, I'm not.
And quite frankly, I'm judging
the two of you for not judging this.
[upbeat music plays]
[music fades]
Yeah, the article's really interesting.
It was talking about
how to modernize the temple experience
while maintaining traditions.
- Totally. I read that exact same article.
- Did you?
Really enjoyed it. I read it twice
and couldn't agree more with it, honestly.
- You gotta make sure there's substance.
- Bingo.
You're forgetting I sent you that article.
I sent you the article.
It was important to me. A friend
from college wrote it. Proud of her.
It was a great article.
But you wanna challenge people
spiritually, of course,
but you wanna keep it fun.
- It has to be fun.
- Right. Yeah.
- Very fun.
- I mean
I think a challenge is fun.
We believe fun
should be fun here at Ahava.
- I ag--
- [rabbi] We think it's hard out there.
It's fun in here. You know what I mean?
- [woman] Love that.
- That's what God would want.
I'm sorry we, uh, didn't tell you
that we bring our own lunches here.
I know.
I was actually thinking we should have
a document with all that information.
I'm gonna share a note. Open it this time.
You always forget.
He'll never open them. I don't know why.
That is fine. Uh, you know, tomorrow,
I will know to bring my own lunch.
God, I'm supposed
to teach the after-school program.
What if you jumped in there?
The kids are great.
We'd love for you to get to know them.
- I love the spontaneity and all that.
- [woman] Yeah, right?
I'm I'm not
I don't feel like I'm prepared.
But okay. All right.
Yeah, sure. I'll give it a go.
- Um
- [woman] Okay.
I could go whip something up real quick.
Maybe tie it to last week's Torah portion.
- Bold. I like it.
- Ooh.
[rabbi] Come on. Do it.
[woman] Great.
Uh, it
It has a horsey feeling.
- What?
- Yeah.
I see the horsey thing.
I'm sorry. Wait. Like, do you guys mean,
like, equestrian or
- I don't--
- Don't ask me. She went rogue.
I mean, like
[intriguing music plays]
- What?
- What?
What? I thought it was fun.
Here we go.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Like fun in a hostile way. God.
- [Joanne] I thought it was funny.
- [Henry] Well, it wasn't.
[music fades]
I wanna say something to her,
but I I can't figure out how.
This is like a complicated surgery,
you know?
And if I make one wrong move,
then one of us dies.
This makes me think about my wedding day.
I was so sure what I was doing
was the exact right thing for me.
How little I knew.
- All roads lead back to you, huh?
- [Lynn] Hm?
But you're right, Mom.
I mean, someone should be sure
they're making the right decision
on their wedding day.
There's no reason to rush into anything.
This portion of the Torah
is focusing on the two weeks
before the Exodus out of Egypt.
Winter's over. Springtime has begun.
Nisan is the month of renewal.
It's a time of new beginnings.
[boy 1] I wanna talk about
a new beginning I had last week.
I just got out of a relationship,
and I feel like--
Hey, I hate to interrupt you.
- What?
- [Noah] Um
I wanna hear all about
the new relationship.
It's just that I wasn't quite finished.
Oh, wow. Sorry. Uh
Usually we just do the talking here.
- Really?
- [girl] Yeah.
- So it's a class, but I don't teach?
- [boy 2] Pretty much.
You could teach a little at the end.
Okay. Yeah, why don't you guys talk,
and if there's time, I'll talk at the end.
Well, um, she's this great girl,
but she she just didn't think
I I had enough rizz to grow a mustache.
But I I really want a mustache.
She just She really wouldn't let me.
- [Lynn] That's so beautiful!
- [Henry] Morgan, that's the one.
Is it perfect? I I can't decide.
No, no, it's perfect.
God, it's really true.
You know, when you know, you know.
[laughs]
Maybe. But sometimes
don't you think you know,
then you wake up one morning
and realize, "Wow, I really didn't know"?
Oh my God.
Joanne, will you just say it, okay?
What?
You don't think I should be marrying Andy.
Just say it.
Uh, that's not true.
- And it's Dr. Andy.
- Oh my God. See? There it is.
What? That was a joke. But you do
call him that, and it's kind of odd.
From the very beginning, you have
never said anything nice about him.
- Yes, I did.
Mm-mm.
Didn't I tell you
that I thought he was polite?
No. No, actually, you didn't.
- [Lynn] I can't drink enough.
- Okay, I think he's very polite.
That's what you say about people you don't
like. Stop being such a fucking liar.
- You know what?
- [Morgan] What?
[Henry] Okay, wedding dress shopping
can be very emotional.
Let's just chill out, all right?
Too bad we didn't
get a family picture before this.
At the end of the night,
after we got engaged, you came up to me.
Do you remember what you said?
Yeah, I said congratulations.
- No.
- I definitely said congratulations.
No, actually, what you said was,
"Congratulations?"
I did not say it like that.
- [Morgan] You did.
- I didn't.
So you're telling me
that you are 100% happy for me?
- Morgan, who's 100% happy for anything?
- [scoffs] Okay.
I'm being serious.
But since you brought it up, you know,
it is a little bit strange
how quick it's all going.
Like, what is the rush?
You don't know anything about this person.
Yes, I have known him for years.
No, he knows you.
You spent those years
not knowing anything about him.
Joanne, look at you, okay?
You're in a wedding dress.
It is so clear that you are jealous of me.
It couldn't be more clear. It's like
you are screaming, "I am jealous!"
Okay, no, this was a joke, Morgan.
You can't come to a wedding dress shop
and not try one on.
You can if you're not an attention whore.
[salesman] He's right, Joanne.
You can.
[funky music plays]
[Morgan] You can't move as quickly
in your relationship,
and it's killing you.
Not true. I'm worried about you.
I'm worried it's what Dr. Andy wants,
not what you want.
It is what I want!
No, have you ever pushed back on him?
Have you?
You're a challenger.
I've never seen you challenge him.
Maybe that's who I was and not who I am.
Just admit you're jealous.
You're late, but I love how on fire
you guys are. Gonna be a great episode.
I don't wanna
do the stupid podcast anyway.
[Morgan] I was literally
about to say that first.
Oh, Lord, give me strength.
[exhales]
[Ashley] Lock in, ladies.
Read your notes or something.
Okay. [clears throat]
I don't know, what does this mean?
It just says "Fabrizio."
Oh, Fabrizio, my landlord.
Um, he's been super annoying lately,
and so I thought we could talk about him
because landlord issues are so relatable.
I mean, I love Fabrizio. He hates you.
[Joanne] I know.
Remember when I threw up in the pool,
and he had to drain it,
and it cost, like, $3,000,
and he never knew it was me?
And he asked if I knew who it was again
the other day, and I was like,
"I don't know, but that's disgusting,
and whoever it was
really needs to pay for it."
Yup. You're a terrible tenant. Um
[scoffs]
These notes honestly
are boring.
- So
- Okay.
Well, Morgan, what would you like
to talk about, then?
[sucks teeth]
- We could talk about my wedding.
- Oh.
Yup. I mean,
I still need to pick a maid of honor.
Picking a maid of honor is one of
the most important decisions in life.
It's really not.
Okay, well, whatever.
You don't support my decisions,
you're not gonna be my maid of honor.
Are you joking?
[Morgan] No.
We should be able to hate each other
and still be each other's maids of honor.
- Sorry, I'm asking Ashley.
- I'm gonna be a fucking maid of honor?
- Ashley?
- [Morgan] Yeah.
Well, Ashley's a work friend,
not a real friend.
Ashley's a work friend
who has become a real friend,
and a better friend than you.
[scoffs] Well, if Ashley becomes
your maid of honor,
then she's going back
to being a work friend for me.
- One that I don't trust and don't like.
- Excuse me?
Fine. Whatever.
Make Ashley your maid of honor.
- I will.
- I don't want the job.
Only responsibility is splitting the bill
at the bachelorette party. No, thank you.
No, thank you!
Can we talk about something else?
Well, I mean, we can't say
anything interesting about Noah
because you're not allowed,
so that's off the table.
Guys are obsessed with privacy.
Everybody knows that. It's totally normal.
I can say whatever I want about Andy.
Andy hates his mother
and was in a hit-and-run once.
Everybody knows Dr. Andy doesn't care
about things like boundaries or privacy.
[tense music plays]
I guess we don't have anything
to talk about.
I guess we don't.
[music fades]
Okay, eyes up here.
I'll wait for everyone.
Welcome to the four corners game.
Things are about to get very real.
Very real. As you can see,
we're surrounded by four signs.
Strongly agree, agree,
strongly disagree, and disagree.
I'm gonna say a statement.
You guys go to the sign
that best describes your opinions.
What's the point of this?
Well, Menachem, the point is that
we are going to explore
our relationship to Judaism
in our day-to-day lives
and just explore
how we live our lives in general.
First statement.
It is okay to skip Shabbat
if it's the opening night of a movie
starring your favorite
Fantastic Four character.
The Thing is Jewish,
by the way, for the record.
Mm.
Julia Garner as Silver Surfer.
- [woman] She's amazing.
- [rabbi] She's amazing.
- You don't like the Fantastic Four?
- No, I'm neutral on the Fantastic Four.
You seem more negative than neutral.
I'm neutral.
Opening weekends
are very important to the congregants.
We've got a lot of industry people.
Shabbat.
- [sighs]
- We each worship differently.
Next question.
It is never okay to regift
a bar or bat mitzvah gift from your bubbe.
- Even if it sucks!
- Oh.
Well, my old man
Finally saw my face on the telly ♪
Made a little joke
About the size of his belly ♪
It's your bubbe.
She won't know.
Didn't bother asking
What she's fussing about ♪
Oh, how they stay together
I don't think I'll ever get it ♪
No Mel Gibson movies.
But only if I let it ♪
I wanna fall in love
And not scare 'em away ♪
Okay, I got a really fun one here.
Kylie is the best Kardashian.
[rabbi] Uh-oh.
Stampede.
[woman] Don't wanna get in trouble.
[chuckles]
Timotheé is Jewish, for the record.
That's right.
There you go, Noah.
With the herd on this one, huh?
- Oh yeah.
- [rabbi] What do you like most about her?
[music stops]
I like her dancing.
Doesn't really dance that much.
Not known for dancing,
but I bet she's good.
[exhales] Well, that was a spicy one
before we got to
the 20 minutes of silence.
What time works next Thursday?
- I think maybe we should take a break.
- Yeah, I think we need to pause the pod.
No, I mean we should
take a break from each other.
Shouldn't I be consulted in this?
- No.
- No.
Thoughts and prayers.
Listen, I don't feel comfortable with you
if you are not comfortable
with me and Dr. Andy.
Yeah, actually, that makes sense.
[exhales]
I might not always be clear
about what I want versus what he wants,
but, Joanne, honestly,
neither are you, okay?
Don't you wanna
talk about Noah more on the podcast?
- Maybe, but--
- [Morgan] And you can't tell him that.
And what you really can't tell him is that
you wish conversion wasn't such an issue
because that would make
your life a lot easier. Like mine is.
Okay, Morgan,
but there is a very real reason
why I am saying
you are going too quick with Dr. Andy.
Okay. What?
Because I never said anything
the first time you jumped into a marriage,
and I really regret that.
I'm sorry I had to say that.
Yeah.
Well, now you said it. [clears throat]
And thank you. Yeah.
But, um, this time is different, so
[poignant music plays]
[Noah] Yes!
[music fades]
They pack their lunch every day,
and nobody told me to pack my own lunch.
Wait, nobody told you to pack a lunch?
God, that's borderline abusive.
I know. I know. I almost fainted.
Man, it's not just that
Neil and Cami are annoying.
I like this temple on paper. I do.
Noah, I'm already pretty attached
to you working at Temple Ahava.
Like, changed your email on my phone.
Is there any way you can make this work?
I don't know.
[sighs] I got a bad feeling,
like I made a mistake.
[Sasha] Okay, well, bro,
it's only your first day.
Yeah.
When you know, you know.
I just wish I didn't feel like
if this place isn't the right fit for us,
then no place is.
Oh, she's back. Okay, I gotta go.
Hey, I'm going through some stuff too,
so hit me back soon. Hello?
- Hey!
- Hey!
How was your day?
It was good.
How was yours?
Good.
[dramatic music plays]
Don't ever say that
I ain't a gentleman ♪
Went down on my knees and
And do it no one can ♪
I gave you good loving
And I took it right back ♪
Mama said run
Before your soul gets snatched ♪
That thing ain't worth it
I'd rather use my hands ♪
If you think I sit up late at night ♪
Wiping teardrops from my eyes ♪
Must be out your goddamn mind ♪
Out your goddamn mind ♪
If you think I won't find love again ♪
Darling, I got other friends ♪
If you don't know I was the man ♪
You've got another thing coming ♪
You've got another thing coming ♪
[music fades]