Scrubs (2026) s02e07 Episode Script

1
[J.D.] With all the pressures
of running a hospital,
Turk and I had come up with a way
to stay mentally and physically fit.
- I'm really enjoying our man walks.
- We're not calling them that.
Fine, how about "dude cruises"?
Use it in a sentence.
"Tomorrow night, I'm gonna meet Turk
in the park for a dude cruise."
"Bro strolls" it is.
- [Turk] Mm.
- [J.D.] Next topic.
I finally made it to the preteen years
of my memoirs,
and I still haven't gotten your notes.
Oh, you want my notes?
When you said Smurfette was
the first woman to water the fertile soil
of your sexual garden,
I had to stop reading.
I smurfed my smurf to her.
Well, I'd rather you date a cartoon lady
than that hospital administrator.
You're such a Gargamel.
- Her name's Cassie.
- Don't say it like that.
I don't trust her.
She's already made cuts to my department.
She's replaced everything
with the cheap stuff.
[sniffles, sneezes]
[groans]
Gesundheit.
Turk, she is not watering down
the anesthesia.
Yet.
Oh, man, she's gonna seduce you,
and you're gonna let her do
whatever she wants around here.
Look, I know most hospital administrators
are corporate shills,
but Cassie's different.
Oh, really? So then you don't mind
if I go over there
and ask her her intentions
with this hospital, huh?
- Or with you?
- Oh, in fact, Turk, I would welcome it.
- Oh, really? 'Cause here I go!
- Yeah. Go, go, go.
No!
- Morning.
- [Cassie] Morning.
Turk, where are you, buddy?
[Turk] What the hell, man?
This pile's a lot deeper than it looks.
I'm sorry. I'm coming in to get ya.
J.D.!
Turk!
I hear you, buddy, but I don't see you.
I'm not leaving until you forgive me.
Don't even think about pushing me
into that pile of leaves.
You know what's in there.
Oh, Turk, Leaf Man is a legend.
No one's ever seen him.
[leaves rustling]
[both] Leaf Man!
I can't do this all on my own ♪
No, I know I'm no Superman ♪
I'm no Superman ♪
[J.D.] One thing about working with my ex,
it wasn't always easy to keep
our personal and work lives separate.
- J.D., do you have a minute?
- Mm.
Ollie is in love with some girl,
and he refuses to tell me
anything about her,
and I don't know why.
All I did was burst into tears,
tell him he was too young,
and make him watch Little Women with me.
[chuckles] Don't worry, Elliot.
I'll come over tonight
and help with the talk.
If you do it alone, Ollie will be 30,
wondering when his woo-woo
is ever gonna find a bajingo.
Well, your woo-woo finding my bajingo
is how we got into this whole mess
in the first place.
- You put on Sade, Elliot.
- Oh.
What did you think was gonna happen?
[J.D.] As for the new lady in my life,
Cassie and I were trying and failing
to keep it professional.
This vestibule is technically outside
the hospital, so we can safely flirt.
- What do you got, big boy?
- Will you go to dinner with me tonight?
Is this a business dinner or a wine-soaked
evening of workplace conduct violations?
Oh, well, wine burns my tummy,
and I have a tear
in my esophageal sphincter.
Your sphincter's safe with me.
I know what you're both doing.
Enjoy your slut hallway.
Okay, guys, Mr. Reynolds here
is in a medically induced coma.
We need the brain swelling to go down.
I know most workplaces have Taco Tuesday,
but here at Sacred Heart,
we have Cerebral Edema Friday.
Okay? I need all hands on deck.
- Yep.
- No one's dying on our watch.
- Let's go. Come on. Come on.
- [whooping]
Yeah, high fives all around.
- Hey, can I talk to you really quick?
- About the "no one's dying" thing?
Obviously, like,
a lot of these people are gonna die,
but you can't really
end a speech like that.
No, my grandma called me,
and she has this really thick, wet cough.
It's kind of like [retches loudly]
I know what a cough sounds like.
I think she has pneumonia
- Oh.
- and she does not trust doctors,
like, at all.
I had to tell her I was a hairdresser,
and I panicked and gave her cornrows.
- Anyways, I'm supposed to work tomorrow--
- Hey. Tosh.
Don't even worry about it.
- Go be with your grandma. Yeah.
- Thank you.
- You're the best.
- Grant.
Anybody ever tell you you're a chump?
- Hmm?
- Just two hours ago,
Amara told you she wanted tomorrow off
for a "death in the family."
[sobbing] Didn't get to say goodbye.
[sniffling, sobbing]
I have to go do surgery.
You relax. I'll get you there.
I wanna be mad at that,
but that was pretty hot.
Clearly, one of them is lying to you.
Come on. What kind of person would lie
about a sick or dead relative?
Interns. They work 80 hours a week
and haven't slept enough in a year
to know right from wrong.
And despite what that poof of chest hair
poking through your scrubs might suggest,
I don't think you're man enough
to call them on it.
[scoffs]
[Turk] It's been a minute
since I've known my wife biblically, God.
I'ma need you to come through.
If you plan on granting my prayers,
please give me a sign
because it will affect
what I have for lunch. Amen.
Jesus can work it out ♪
- Jesus can work-- ♪
- [laughs]
Oh, you don't mind, do you?
I have a solo at church Sunday.
Absolutely not. Sit down.
The chapel is for everybody.
[chuckles]
What's she doing here?
I don't know,
but I do not like that woman.
- [Turk] Mm.
- Did you guys say something?
- Are you talking to me?
- No, we are not.
[softly] I heard she's gonna cut
the budget on the break room.
She better keep her hands
off my seasonal creamers.
[Dubois chuckles]
[Turk] Mm.
Okay, now you guys are staring at me
and talking really quietly,
so I'm just gonna scooch on over.
- No scooching.
- Too late. I'm scooching.
Coming in. [chuckles]
[sighs] Wow, what an amazing space.
Feel like I can really find
the answers in here.
- Can I get an amen?
- [both] No.
Okay. I'm just gonna scooch on out.
God is good.
[both] All the time.
Hey, Dr. Dorian, there is a problem
with one of our geriatric patients.
Mr. Frankel.
Yeah, he discovered the air vent.
[chuckles]
No, it's Ms. Croft. She's freaking out,
and nothing's working to calm her down.
It's 4:30, she's sundowning. Walk with me.
[J.D.] A lot of patients with dementia
have symptoms
that get worse towards the evening.
[Croft] I'm on the ceiling!
I'm on the ceiling!
- Please get me down!
- [doctor] She's been hallucinating.
I keep telling her everything's okay,
but it's just making her more upset.
[J.D.] I could sympathize with Mrs. Croft.
I couldn't always control
my thoughts either.
I'm gonna fall!
Sometimes you have
to meet patients in their reality.
Come on! Come on, please.
I'm coming up there, Mrs. Croft.
- You have to get me down. I'm not happy.
- I'm gonna come up there and be with you.
[Croft] Please get me down.
- Okay, I'm coming up.
- I'm gonna fall!
[J.D.] I'm climbing up
to be with you, okay?
- [Croft] Oh.
- All right.
Okay, I'm up here with you.
I'm up here with you. Give me your hand.
You're safe. You're not alone anymore.
You're very brave
to be up here all by yourself.
What do you say we go back down
to the ground together now though, okay?
We can do it. Why don't you
just close your eyes, take a deep breath?
[inhales deeply]
Here we go.
We're going back down to the ground.
- It's like a fun ride.
- [children laughter echoes]
Remember the rides at the amusement park
when you were a kid?
- [chuckles]
- It's just like that.
And now, we're safe on the ground again.
You can close your eyes. Relax.
I'm here, okay?
[Grant] Guys, I'm your chief resident,
and I should be doing a lot more for you.
Tosh, I put together a little care package
for your grandma--
a little honey to soothe her throat,
a little bit of codeine.
Just smoke 'em if you got 'em.
She loves codeine. Thank you.
And, Amara,
you just lost someone in your life,
and I didn't even ask who it was.
I would love to know. I care.
It was a cat. My aunt's cat.
- Stop being so nice.
- Your aunt's cat.
I'm appalled, Amara.
Shut up, Tosh. Your grandma's fine.
She crocheted the bikini top
you're wearing to the music festival
you're actually going to.
- [screams]
- [gasps]
Oh, my God,
you are staying for your shifts,
and you're working all of the holidays.
I'm talking Labor Day, Arbor Day.
Hanukkah, all eight nights.
Great.
I have plans on the seventh night.
No one cares.
[J.D.] Elliot and I may have split,
but nothing brings you together
like a common enemy.
In this case, our son's budding sexuality.
- Always be respectful, get consent
- Hmm.
and remember
the most important sexual organ you have,
your ears.
- Ew, what?
- Ew, what?
For listening, J.D.,
I-I meant be a good listener.
Ollie, how deep a crush is this?
Do you hear, like, music when you see her?
Because when I used to see your mom,
- I'd hear "American Girl" by Tom Petty.
- Who's Tom Petty?
Tom Petty's the picture
your mom takes to the hair salon.
- We have similar cheekbones and shoulders.
- Mm-hmm.
Uncle Turk and Aunt Carla
- already gave me the talk.
- [gasps]
They said Dad wouldn't be able
to explain the bases right.
- What? I can't believe it.
- [Elliot laughs]
I might not know sports,
but I know the lady bases.
- [softly] He doesn't.
- Listen, I gotta go. I love you.
Wait, no, Dad. Please stay.
We're about to watch a movie.
[J.D.] This is the part of being broken up
that never gets easier.
I can't, buddy. I gotta go to work.
I love you.
[J.D.] The mind is a mystery.
Sometimes, the smallest moment
can make you long for the past.
Even as you're trying
to look to the future.
Hey, you. I'm excited
to head out to dinner soon.
- I'm so sorry. I have to reschedule.
- Oh.
The board is all over my butt
about next quarter's budget.
Well, I get it. It is a very nice butt.
"Very nice"?
It must be these corduroys,
'cause it's usually fantastic, okay?
[both laugh]
Your butt is fantastic.
Medically. Medically speaking.
[J.D.] Sometimes your mind can fool you
into thinking someone's on your side
[Turk] Hey, what's going on in here?
New boss lady wants to turn
this place into a coffee shop.
even when they never were.
What?
Well, where's everybody supposed to pray?
You're standing in it.
"Prayer square"?
[J.D.] Poor Mrs. Croft's mind
was turning her whole world upside down.
I'm not gonna sleep.
I don't want to start seeing things again.
That's okay.
I'll just sit here with you.
Why don't I play that song
you told me you love?
You know? Music can help you
remember a happier time.
[J.D. recorded on phone] To my horror,
at the point of no return,
- my mother opened the door.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Our eyes met
- Nope.
and now Victoria's Secret was our secret.
I'm so sorry, uh, Mrs. Croft.
I've been
I've been laying down my-my memoirs,
and, uh, you weren't
supposed to hear that.
Here we go.
This is the song I want to play.
- ["Dream a Little Dream of Me" playing]
- Oh.
This was the song that was playing
when Joe proposed to me.
I remember. You told me.
It was the most romantic moment
of my life.
- [J.D.] Mm.
- I can still see his face when I said yes.
That is so sweet.
Why don't you just try
and stay in that happy memory?
I'll sit here with you
till you fall asleep, okay?
[J.D.] As for my mind, it was playing
the same old tricks it always did.
I started thinking
of my own happy memories of Elliot.
in the sycamore tree ♪
Dream a little dream of me ♪
Say, "Nighty-night" and kiss me ♪
Just hold me tight
And tell me you'll miss me ♪
While I'm alone and blue as can be ♪
Dream a little dream of me ♪
[J.D.] What am I worried about?
Elliot and I are just two parents
here to talk about our kid.
["American Girl" playing]
Well, she was an American girl ♪
Raised on promises ♪
See [chuckles] now, I know
you're not shrinking down the chapel,
because you said
that room had the answers.
Yes, to my question of, "How do I turn
this space into a moneymaker?"
- Was that not clear?
- You are evil.
Now, you've left me no choice.
Nurse Dubois!
- Oh, hi.
- You think you're the bitch
who runs this place?
But I'm the bitch who runs this place.
Tell her, bitch.
[Dubois] And once
I spread the word about you,
the reckoning will be fierce.
Fierce.
Wait up.
So I followed Ollie's crush on Instagram.
A lot of videos of her making slime
and a pretty lame Labubu collection.
I don't think she's smart enough for him.
I once watched Ollie put his pants on
after his shoes, Elliot.
I think they'll be a fine match.
You ready?
This is one of the hardest things
about getting divorced.
Having no one to go splitsies with.
My life was all surf and no turf.
For me, it was night, all of night.
Yeah, that was hard for me too.
I sprayed your perfume
all over a weighted blanket,
put an ice pack on my legs
to remind me of your feet.
Aw. That's so creepy.
Oh, please, like you didn't have
any weird ways of getting over me?
You know that trainer at our gym
- that always called you "Pops"?
- Mm.
I slept with him right away.
- Cody?
- [mouthing]
You know he hit on me too?
- What?
- He told me I needed to "try new things."
- Cody!
- I thought he meant leg day.
He did not.
You should have done it.
He threw me around like a kettlebell.
Oh, yeah, Cody's strong.
We wrestled a bit in the yoga room.
Look, Grant, should I have lied
about my grandma being sick?
No. But this is not just
about a music festival.
It's a symbol of all the things
I've missed in my twenties
because of this job.
All the weddings, birthday parties,
even stupid stuff,
like riding a train and pretending
I'm the main character of a movie,
while listening to music,
and thinking I'm just about
to be absolutely railed by Jacob Elordi.
Mm. I just want one memory
outside of this hospital.
No.
Maybe you can go to the ICU
and rave to the sound of the beeps.
[vocalizing "Sandstorm"]
Look, I'm in a really hard job,
and I've learned just
to give it to people straight.
I like your friend,
and I want to bone him.
Excuse you, House of the Lord.
I heard you begging the big man
for booty earlier.
Yeah, well, he hath forsaken me
because Carla already said she's tired,
so I ate a burrito.
So what I'm hearing from you is
that you want me to like you so J.D. will.
Yeah? I can do that
if you save the chapel.
Okay, okay.
We both know hospitals like this one,
they're closing everywhere
because they're losing money.
And the board asked me
to lay off six nurses.
And your friend Nurse Dubois
was on that list.
So, I came up with this plan
so I didn't have to do that one.
Thank you.
You're already regretting giving me that,
- aren't you? [laughs]
- Yeah, I'm freezing.
But I can tell you feel guilty,
so that's going to keep me warm inside.
Look at us. If someone was walking by,
they'd have no idea we ruined the lives
of two marriage therapists.
Well, to be fair,
Teresa came in with her own baggage.
Nobody smiles that much
if they're really doing fine.
You know, I once saw her
at the farmer's market
screaming at someone for not composting.
[both laugh]
Oh
Why didn't we work? We should have worked.
I know, but we didn't.
Maybe the fact that we can still
be friends is our happy ending.
I've just gone over it so many times
in my head,
and I feel like
I just never had any clarity about it
because I was so upset
about how you ended things, but
with some distance, I think--
I-I can-- I can see.
I-I understand a little bit more.
You know, when I left Sacred Heart
to start private practice,
I thought it was, like, the last piece
in building this perfect future for us.
And then I wasn't happy.
And I couldn't figure out why.
I think I lost my purpose [stammers]
and I didn't know how to be the guy
that you fell in love with anymore.
But that's what the whole in sickness
and health thing means, J.D.
That's what I promised you.
I could have helped you,
but we stopped talking.
I was kind of drowning.
And I-- And I pushed you away.
And I'm so sorry.
- Thanks.
- I mean, I think it took coming back
to Sacred Heart to remind me who I am.
I mean, I-I finally
feel like myself again.
I can tell.
But, Elliot, I don't think
I could ever really be myself
without you.
Am I man enough for you now?
[Turk laughs]
[Carla] So, which one was the liar?
- Both of them. But I shut it down.
- Oof.
- They look miserable.
- Yep.
What are you gonna do
to lift them back up?
- [clicks tongue] Lift them back
- [sighs]
You don't break someone down
and just leave them like that.
- What is wrong with you?
- [sighs]
Okay, could you just give me,
like, all the lesson at once?
Like, this piecemeal stuff is killing me.
[scoffs] We can't do this, J.D.
Every time we try,
it ends badly.
It's only ended badly, like, four times.
[both laugh]
But I do think we're different now,
you know? I'm
I know, I just I'm so clear on who I am
and what I want
and what's important to me.
Helping my patients.
Being a great father.
And loving you.
It only has to end right once.
[J.D.] Sometimes the things we hope for
are the same things that break our hearts.
Whether it's giving up something you care
about to save something that means more
What are we gonna do about this?
Jesus says, "Turn the other cheek."
Bitch, he didn't mean that.
or sacrificing for a dream job.
[Grant] You guys look pretty bummed.
Hello, Blake.
What? [stammers]
I don't know what's wrong with you.
I was timing my grandma's death
for when the Bob Seger cover band
was rolling into town.
And now that you're on to us, I just
That's not gonna happen.
Look, I feel really bad.
Not for you, Blake.
That's really stupid what you just said.
But I wanted to show you something.
You guys worked hard all day,
and now Mr. Reynolds
is gonna make a full recovery.
Kinda makes it all worth it, right?
Good.
'Cause this will happen again.
Unfortunately,
riding motorcycles is super cool,
and we're not gonna convince people
otherwise.
Here you go. Thank you so much.
[J.D.] The thing that broke my heart
was getting the life I wanted so badly
and losing it.
Now, can you sit
and watch a movie with us?
[J.D.] I was never gonna lose it again.
Yeah, buddy, I can.
[Croft] I'm on the ceiling!
I'm on the ceiling!
Please, get me down!
["Perfect Day" playing]
Just a perfect day ♪
Drink sangria in the park ♪
And then later, when it gets dark ♪
We go home ♪
Oh, it's such a perfect day ♪
I'm glad I spent it with you ♪
I'm going to fall.
No, it's okay. I'm here.
I'm here. I got you.
You're not going anywhere, okay?
I got you. You're safe.
Let's go down now, okay?
Let's go back down.
Just take a deep breath.
Exhale it out.
You're safe, okay?
You're with me.
Okay.
Close your eyes.
Get some rest. I'm here.
[J.D.] I missed my family.
I missed her.
But I couldn't risk hurting her again,
hurting my son.
Maybe some things are better left unsaid.
My love for Elliot would have
to live on in my mind.
You know what that space was
before it was a chapel?
It's where they lobotomized women
in the '50s.
Yeah, this guy tried to bring that back,
but then his wife died
and he lost interest.
- Night.
- Night, Elliot.
While I'm alone and blue as can be ♪
Dream a little dream of me ♪
To the good times we'll never have.
- I'm buying all night.
- [cheering]
- Yeah!
- Cheers!
Really? This is how
you build them back up?
I'm messing with you. It's perfect.
[chuckles]
One, two, three, four. Oh. Um
Hello. So, when I said I was buying,
I did just mean the interns.
Don't worry about it.
I'll pay for all the drinks.
And if you could not mention
your generosity,
I'm trying to build a rapport with them.
We will not tell them
that you are a cheap liar.
You guys are great. Thanks.
J.D. bought the drinks!
- [interns] Hey!
- I know it was killing you.
- I prefer honesty.
- [laughs] Cheers.