The Brady Bunch (1969) s02e07 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day when
The lady met this fellow
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group
Must somehow form a family
That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
the Brady Bunch. ♪
Bobby, keep your eyes open.
They are, but it's dark under here.
Hey, I didn't get to run.
That's cause you lost the ball.
The other side's got it now.
Why don't you sit down, Bobby.
Go out, Peter.
I want to play.
Okay. Go chase the ball.
Hey, let's have it.
Wow, look what I found.
Wow!
Hey, it's full of tens and 20s and 50s.
It's a fortune!
Now aren't you glad I played?
GREG: 850
900
Hey, don't touch.
950
$1,000
( whistles )
1,050
Boy, that's a million weeks' allowance.
Whoever lost it must be
out of their minds with worry.
$1,100.
Wow.
With that kind of loot,
I'll tape my trick knee.
We'll form a league and play
every vacant lot in town.
Oh, I can't imagine who would
carry this much cash around.
There must have been
a very special reason.
Mom, that's the third time
you looked through that.
There's no identification in there.
Well, Greg, it has to belong to somebody.
Yeah, me.
You?! Why you?
'Cause I'm the one that found it.
Well, I'm the one that missed it
so you could find it.
I'm the one who threw it
so you could miss it so he could find it.
And I'm the one who's your mother,
so can I get into this argument?
Please, mom.
We all found it.
PETER: So it belongs to all of us.
Uh-uh, finders keepers.
I'm the one who said let's go
to the lot in the first place.
Greg
Yes, mom?
Hello. Mr. Brady, please.
What are you calling Dad for?
I just thought you'd like to tell your father
that you and your brothers struck gold
and how you're going to share it.
Sure.
( Phone rings )
Brady.
GREG: Dad?
Yeah. Greg, what's up, anything wrong?
Oh, no, everything's groovy.
Look, I'm a little jammed up right now.
Dad, you'll never guess what happened.
Greg, could it wait till later?
Well, I suppose it could, but, see,
we were playing football
in a lot Mm-hmm. That so?
Yeah, and we found $1,100.
Um, that's fine, Greg.
Look, I'll talk to you later.
Give my love to your mother,
okay? Good-bye.
( Click )
$1,100.
And that ain't hay.
What is it you kids call
money nowadays, "bread"?
That is a lot of bread.
Hey, where are you going?
Downstairs to see the bread!
Hey, wait a minute,
you're not finished yet.
Let's see now, you bring down the two
that's two-sixths, and that's six-thirds.
We can let the boys have that.
What are you figuring, Lady Einstein?
Well, you divide $1,100
by six that $183.33
for each of us, and a third.
If you're so good at figuring,
how come you only got
a C-plus in math?
This isn't math, this is money.
And you think the boys
are going to want to share.
Why shouldn't they?
Sure. You know
what dad's always saying
about a family should be
one for all and all for one.
And we're one big, happy family.
We're their loving sisters,
and they're our loving brothers.
Besides, we're giving them the
two extra pennies, aren't we?
Oh, you girls are generous to a fault.
Wow. That's $183
and 33 cents
for each of the six of us.
Let's see, now, there'd be $366.66
for each of the three of us.
Three goes into 11
Hey, don't worry, I got it right.
Hey, you can't divide 1,100 by three.
Why not?
There's stuff left over.
Two-thirds of a cent.
Well, that's money. Let's flip for it.
( Knocking )
Who is it?
MARCIA: It's your loving sisters.
Aw, let them in.
That's sure a lot of money.
Yeah.
What were you blocking the door for?
Well
With all this money around
Yeah, what happens
if nobody were home
while we were all at school?
And some crooks break in?
Or robbers?
We were trying to find
a good, safe hiding place.
That's a good idea, brother.
We wouldn't want anything
to happen to our money.
Your money?!
It's our money.
You mean you won't share it?
With your loving sisters?
We all love each other,
and that's a lot of bread.
Well, gee, none of you were
even there when we found it.
We'd share the money if we found it.
Well, we wouldn't expect you to.
Well, if the Brady boys
are going to be selfish,
then the Brady girls just
aren't going to talk to them.
Well, it's going to be mighty difficult
living in the same house not
talking to each other, isn't it?
But it's not our fault, Dad.
We'd share.
( All arguing at once )
Hold it!
( Silence )
I am going to put an end
to this problem, here and now.
The wallet.
Please.
What are you going to do with it, Dad?
I am going to turn it over
to the police department,
because that's where people usually go
when they lose something,
hoping that somebody
honest is going to turn it in.
Even if there's no identification?
Peter, I.D. or no I.D.,
we know it's not ours.
Don't we?
You're absolutely right, Dad.
I couldn't agree more.
Me, too.
Good-bye, girls.
Good-bye. CINDY: Good-bye!
But what if nobody claims it?
Then it's ours, isn't it?
Now, look, Greg Well, isn't it?
If nobody claims it.
Well, somebody will, of course.
Yeah, but that's not the point.
I don't like what the
money is doing to the boys.
Well, the girls aren't helping any
by not talking to them.
Yeah. I suppose that's my fault.
After all I've said about "all for one."
Well, let's not be unfair to the boys.
I mean, after all, they are
the ones who found the money.
You know what?
You're bending over
backwards to favor the boys.
Well, you're doing a little
bending yourself, Mr. Brady.
Now, what I think we should do
with the money is
Yes, Mrs. Brady?
( laughs ): I'm as bad as the kids.
The money doesn't even belong to us.
That's what I keep saying.
Somebody will claim it.
And as for the kids, well,
you know how they are.
In no time, they'll forget
they weren't speaking.
See?
Well, that takes care of the juice, Alice.
Now, if you can handle
the cereal department,
I'm going to see what's
going on upstairs.
Right.
Howdy, partner.
Howdy, ma'am.
You ready for chow?
Yup.
Hi, Alice.
Hi.
Hi, Alice.
Hi. Hi.
Hi. We're not supposed to talk.
I can talk if I want to.
Okay. But I'm not talking to you.
That's what you are doing, Cindy.
I was not.
Was I?
Look, let's have a little less not talking
and a little more eating.
Good morning, Alice.
ALICE: Morning.
Good morning, Alice. ALICE: Morning.
You here for looking or eating?
Alice, can you tell some people
they're blocking the refrigerator
and other people are hungry?
Marcia, your brother says
will you please excuse him.
Some people are not only selfish,
they won't even wait their turn.
Hey, where's Greg? He wasn't upstairs.
He's on the phone.
GREG: Okay, well, I was just wondering.
Thank you very much.
That's a lot of money.
I'll keep in touch. Good-bye.
Oh, hi, Pete.
Who were you talking to?
The police. I wanted to see
if anybody'd picked the money up.
Well, did they?
No, it's still there.
That means maybe we're going to get it.
Don't count on it.
Read this.
"Found: Brown and white
cocker spaniel."
So what does that
got to do with it?
No, no, no, the next one.
Oh. "Lost: Brown wallet"
That's it.
"Containing large sum
of money. Reward."
What did you have to go
and read that for?
I couldn't help it.
The paper was sitting
right here by the phone.
There's a number to call.
I know.
Gee. If only we hadn't looked at it.
But we did.
Yeah.
If we call, we could lose the money.
Should we call or shouldn't we?
That's the question.
What's the answer?
I don't know.
Are you with me?
All the way.
And you know the consequences.
Yup.
Okay, we call.
Don't give it away now.
Make him tell you
exactly where he lost it.
And how many $50 bills there were.
I will, I will.
( Ringing )
Oh, how many bills were there?
I don't know.
Sir?
I'm calling about the
lost wallet you advertised.
And if you'll just tell me
what it looks like
Brown, huh?
It's worn, old.
Lots of bills.
$220?!
Sir, I'm happy to t
I mean, I'm sorry to tell you,
but this isn't your wallet.
Good-bye.
Boy, it sure pays to be honest.
Yeah, it sure does.
And I'm proud of both of you.
But I already called that ad.
You called?
Mm-hmm. That's why the
paper's near the phone.
You know something, Dad?
I feel it that money's going to be ours.
Mm-hmm. It might.
Might? It's already been a whole day.
And nobody even called
the police I checked.
Well, people don't always
go to the police.
That's why I put an ad
of my own in the paper.
You put one in?
About our money?
About the money you found.
What did you say in the ad?
Well, just whoever lost a wallet,
call us up and identify it.
Now, that ought to bring results.
( Sighs )
( Phone ringing )
Hello.
Yes.
Could you describe it?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Uh-uh. Wrong wallet.
( Phone ringing )
( Sniffles ): Yes, that
that is a lot of money
and I'm sure you do need it.
( Sniffles )
I'd like to help you, I really would.
Well, it just isn't the wallet we found.
I'm sorry, I-I'm really very sorry.
Ah! Darned onions. Oh!
Hi, Alice.
Hi. Hey hey is something wrong, Alice?
Alice, I've told you,
peel the onions under the cold water.
What, and miss a good cry?
Hey, any calls about the wallet?
Yeah, 18.
And some fascinating guesses.
Are you ready for plaid cowhide?
Yeah, got to expect some ding-a-lings,
but I refuse to be cynical.
PETER: Hi, Mom, hi, Dad.
Hi.
Hi, mom, dad. Is the money still safe?
Yes, O mighty King Midas.
We'll get it any day now.
Well, you know the police
can hold onto it for a long time.
The law says six months.
Yeah, six months.
Oh? Really?
Unless, of course, you assume liability.
That's very interesting, Peter, go on.
PETER: Well, if you sign for it,
we can ask the police to give us
the wallet right now,
and hold it ourselves six months
in the bank,
and collect the interest.
That's how it works.
Where in the world did you
get all this information?
Joey's dad told me.
Joey's Peter's friend.
His dad picked him up
at school and I asked him.
He's a lawyer.
Well, we certainly appreciate
your checking this out so thoroughly.
That's okay. Just let me know
how you want to handle it, Dad.
There they go
Howard Hughes and J. Paul Getty.
( All chuckling )
Oh, all those kids think about is money
since they found that wallet.
And it isn't even theirs yet.
That's what concerns me
and what's going to happen if they get it?
I need some paper.
Just a moment, please.
When it comes to sharing in this house,
there are certain selfish
people in this house
who don't care to.
I always share paper with you.
Not when it's green, with numbers on it
and you find it in a wallet.
Come on, Marcia.
You don't share with us, stingy,
we don't share with you.
Just what do you think you're doing?
Trying to figure out
how my hair looks best.
Combed down all over your face.
Very funny.
Now what do you think you're doing?
I told you, I'm trying to figure
out how my hair looks best.
I mean, you're using my hairbrush.
I always use your hairbrush.
Not anymore, Mr. Stingy.
Want a piece of licorice?
Yeah!
I bet you do.
It seems to me that things
are getting slightly
out of hand around here.
I'm with you.
And I'm doing some
straightening out, pronto.
This is rapidly becoming a house divided.
And you should all be
ashamed of yourselves.
CAROL: Because of
something you don't even have.
Your mother and I share
our good fortune.
We share it with all of you.
Every day.
It's about time
you pulled yourselves together
and called a truce to this civil war.
And that's an order.
Please, Dad, just a minute.
( Boys whispering )
Okay. We'll share.
You really mean it?
Yeah.
Me, too.
Not me.
All right, I'll share.
A very wise decision.
Well, boys might as well
learn at an early age
that girls are going to cost them money
the rest of their lives.
( Chuckles ) Ah!
Thanks, Greg for sharing.
You, too, Peter and Bobby.
Heck, even six ways, it's a lot of money.
MARCIA: Yeah.
Hey, wow!
MARCIA: What?! ( all exclaim )
It just came to me
why Dad called this big meeting.
Why? Why? Why? Why?
Well, he must think
we're going to get the money!
( All shouting )
Shh, shh, shh!
( Rings )
Hello?
Yeah, this is Mr. Brady.
( Chuckles ): $150 down? No, I'm
afraid you got the wrong Mr. Brady.
Mr. Greg Brady?
Just a moment.
( Yells ): Greg?
Mike, guess who was
just at the back door?
Who?
One of Peter's friends.
Peter offered to buy his
ten-speed bike from him.
Yeah, Dad?
Uh, Greg, phone for you.
A Mr. Greg Brady has been pricing cars.
Cars!?
Hello? Yes, sir.
Uh, well, you see, I haven't
quite got the down payment yet.
No.
Uh, why don't we just forget it, sir? Sorry.
What in the world
is going to be next around here?
Can I have a stamp, Daddy?
I want to send away for a horse.
Any questions?
( Phone rings )
We are not buying anything.
Hello.
Yeah, this is he.
They did? That's wonderful!
Yeah. Thanks, Sergeant.
The owners have just
picked up their wallet
at the police station.
Thank goodness.
That is the best news
I've heard all week.
( Flatly ): Yeah. Whoopee.
Well, at least there's one good thing
about our not getting the money.
Name it.
No income tax.
Ho, ho, ho.
What we've got to do
is look on the bright side.
What bright side?
Well it's better than
not finding $1,100 at all.
( Doorbell rings )
Mrs. Brady?
Yes?
My name is Stoner.
I just got my wallet back from the police.
They gave me your address.
Oh, Mr. Stoner, I'm so happy for you.
Won't you come in, please?
Well, just for a minute.
Me and the missus have been doing
some frantic back-tracking
the last few days.
Oh, I can just imagine.
I wanted to thank your
boys for turning it in.
Oh, certainly, Mr. Stoner,
I'll just call them.
Uh, Greg, boys?
We were driving cross-country
and I pulled into that lot to fix a flat.
I took off my coat must have
fallen out of my pocket.
Sure was stupid not
having any identification
in the wallet.
Well, the important thing is
you got your money back.
Can't tell you, Mrs. Brady,
how much it means to us.
Me and the missus have been saving up
for this trip for years.
Hello.
Hi. Hi.
Oh, Mr. Stoner
this is Greg, Bobby and Peter.
You're fine, honest boys
and I want to thank you
and give you a reward.
Gee, $100!
I think that's a little too much, Mr. Stoner.
Mr. Stoner, this
is my husband, Mike Brady.
How do you do?
How do you do?
Dad's right, this is too much.
Well th-they got to take something.
How about $50?
No, I think that's still
too much, right, boys?
I agree, Dad.
Me, too.
Well, I got to give them something.
How about $20?
Thanks, Mr. Stoner.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Thanks again to all of you
from me and the missus.
Bye, Mr. Stoner. Good-bye, sir.
Good bye. Bye.
Certainly hope you have
a nice trip, Mr. Stoner.
Thank you, thank you.
Hang on to the wallet.
I will.
( Sighs )
Well, what's the matter with you guys?
What did you settle on $20 for, Dad?
Because I think it's enough, Greg.
It's too much.
$18 is a lot easier to divide by six.
Let's go.
How about those boys?
Well, it really doesn't surprise me, honey.
Me and the missus got
a great bunch of kids.
( Chuckles )
Well all's well that ends well.
Did you just make that up?
Yeah. It was nothing.
Well, I still don't think it was fair
that you got the extra two cents
when the kids split the $20 reward.
I was the one who took the wallet
to the police station.
"All for one and one for all"?
Was that just another
great saying you made up?
What did you do?
Come on, why should you share?
Well, I'm the one who gave the boys
permission to play football
in the vacant lot
in the first place.
Okay. Then you can have
half of my two cents.
And an extra reward.
You can have the penny back.
I'd rather have some more reward.