The Troop (2009) s02e07 Episode Script

[bell ringing]
Monster attack in progress.
Do we know what kind
of monster it is?
Not yet.
Mrs. Pumple thinks this
keeps kids from asking
to use the bathroom, but
it actually encourages it.
It's always there.
Gently reminding you.
Troop Grid having a hard time
locking in on the monster.
Not sure why.
We better move fast.
You look nice.
Thanks.
I've got to give a TV interview
about tomorrow's unveiling
of the Principal Nuss
memorial statue.
I thought that was
last month.
No, last month was the Nuss
Memorial Falafel Machine
in the cafeteria.
Wait, that's Nuss?
Then, who's face have I been
drinking out of?
[burp]
That's Nuss too.
That's a lotta Nuss.
His ego gets fed
and I get another recommendation
for the Over
Achiever's Society?"
Are you already in the over
achievers society.
Never hurts to get
another recommendation
College app gold.
Whoa!!!
Jake, help me!!!!
Can't get a good shot.
Me neither.
Jake!!!!!
Hold on, Haley!
[struggling grunts]
Wow, it took out the whole
Alfred J. Nuss memorial
bank of lockers.
Is there anything you won't
put that guy's name on?
Wait, one of those was
my locker!
And my lunch was in there!
Where is it?
Where is it?
Let it go.
Jake it's fine, it's fine,
it's okay.
♪
♪
♪
♪
It's in the Atrium after all.
Man, this thing moves fast.
Hit it before it disappears
down its hole.
Too late.
It's all gone: the algebra
books, the abacus,
the surprise midterms.
I'm beginning to love
this monster.
Shoot.
I'm late for
my TV interview.
Jake,
Snark 'em up.
I'll be back quick
as I can.
Any idea what we're
dealing with?
Definitely a burrower.
And a hoarder.
Not a fan of algebra.
Could beone of 30
different kinds of monster.
Hayley, you're late!!
Head's up, Mr. Spezza's
seriously ticked.
I'm seriously ticked!
Called it.
I'm sorry, Mr. Spezza.
Well, to make up for it, by
planning a Spezza statue.
[laughter]
I'm serious.
We're live in five seconds.
Good luck.
Thanks.
I'm here at Lakewood High
with brown-nosing student,
Hayley Steele, to talk
about tomorrow's--
[ground rumbling]
What's going on?
Earthquake!!
[ground rumbling]
Did you see what
just happened?
Uh Where did the statue go?
Uhitit's a practical joke.
Burn!
Funny, right?
Funny?
No seriously, Hayley.
What really happened
to the statue?
I told you.
It's a gag.
Gags? You?
Doesn't add up.
What?
I'm funny.
Right?
Things have taken an odd
turn as unfunny sophomore,
Hayley Steele, seems
to be covering the truth
behind the missing statue.
That's not true.
I'm very funny.
Right, Mr. Spezza, tell her.
Not funny now.
Never have been.
Now where's the statue?
I am--
It doesn't seem like we're
getting much
from humorless Hayley Steele.
But I'll check back in with
you, Bob, as we learn more.
Let's get outta here.
Come back!
Guys!
I'm just bursting with funny.
I'm funny!!!!!!
That's five attacks
in three hours,
including Mrs. Gavin's
improvisational
Shakespeare class.
Make it six.
The monster attacked
the Nuss statue.
And you will not believe
what happened next:
Mr. Spezza told me
I'm not funny.
Wow?
I know, right?
Me not funny?
I'm sorry, is this the part you
thought we wouldn't believe?
Oh, come on you guys.
My impression of
Patrick Starfish
as a wizard at Hogwarts
had people rolling
on the floor laughing.
Yeah
we didn't want to tell you,
but there was a piece of
toilet paper
sticking out of
your skirt.
It just kept blowing in the wind
every time you turned around.
Like a butt cape.
[laughing]
I know in my heart,
I'm funny.
I remember one thing
you do that's funny.
Oh, yeah?
What?
That crazy, hyped-up character
that has to get all A's.
Cracks me up every time.
Not a character.
Still funny.
I'll show you
who's funny.
I swear on my own grave,
I'm going to take
things less seriously.
You sure that's not
a character?
[Computer]: Analysis complete.
Uh-oh.
I was hoping this wouldn't be
the case.
A flaying Pincher Nole.
I should have known.
"Pincher'?
That sounds painful.
Pinch as in 'steal'
not pinch.
The Flaying Pincher Mole
steals random items
to build a nest
for its baby Moles.
And once it's done,
it looks for food.
It'll scarf down half the
students if we don't stop it.
What a horrible way to go.
Better than pinching.
How do we find this thing?
The only way to its lair is
through its ventilation tunnel.
It's nearly impossible
to find.
You'll need help.
You're gonna need something with
the greatest sense of smell
in any known dimension.
Oh no, No way.
I'm afraid it's your
only chance.
What are you guys
talking about?
Not what.
Who?
The Sniffer.
What's a sniffer?
[Computer voice]:
Basement level.
Monster containment
Floor 97.
Proceed with
extreme caution.
Stay frosty.
Only the worst of the worst
are gonna be here.
It's crazy.
I didn't even know we went
97 levels down.
Okay, now we go.
Careful.
You can never be too prepared
for what you are
about to encounter.
Hey guys!
Guess what I'm hiding
in my butt.
I'll give you a hint,
there are three
correct answers.
This is the dreaded Sniffer?
He doesn't look too scary.
Dreaded not because
he's dangerous,
but because he's --
[snorts]
The most annoying creature
in existence.
Watch your mouth!!
You need my help, okay?
I can smell your desperation.
You, I could smell when you
stepped off the elevator.
Mentholated lip balm,
please.
I'm impressed!
You can tell that
just by
You know what?
Keep it.
Thanks.
Watch the tail.
Watch the tail!
Sniffer, we're here to
offer you your freedom
all you have to do is help us
find the Flaying Pincher Mole.
Of course I'll help.
We'll be like best buds!
We'll hang out,
tell stories like the time
when I was covered
with Trogleeun snot--
Hey, Hey!
Let's go already.
Wait, I wanted to hear
the snot story.
Hey, when can I have
a blaster of my own?
Never.
All you've got to do is find
the ventilation tunnel
to the mole's lair.
We'll take care of the rest.
Will you please stand still?
Sorry, I'd forgotten
the joyous smells up here.
Barf-away vomit cleanser,
sweaty gym socks and
teen angst, which smells a
lot like sweaty gym socks.
Just remember to keep
your tail in your pants.
Okay, you're done.
He'll totally blend in.
This is cool.
Give me that.
A polo outfit?
Really?
It's my old one.
Plus it's the only clothes I
could fine that would fit him.
Okay, Sniffer,
you're ready to get started?
Hey, where did he go?
[sniffs]
Cinnamon oatmeal?!
Someone's Mom loves him
at breakfast time.
Oooh.
I want one of these.
Look at the lights.
I can have it, right?
Can I have it now?
[snorts]
Sorry about that.
Buy yourself a new phone.
[snorts]
You're not just here
to have fun.
You're here to do a job.
So would you please
just do it?
If you really want my help,
you're gonna need to feed
the beast.
Cause I'm starving.
First, I was shocked,
then I was impressed,
now I'm just disgusted.
Hey, I smell Blood Thrasher
and cheap perfume.
It's not cheap!
It was on sale!
Ugh, you brought a Sniffer
up here?
Keep it away from me.
And if you say
"Blood Thrasher" again,
I'll eat you whole.
Message received.
She's great.
Terrifying, but good folks.
[honks]
Hello everyone, can I have
your detention?
Oops, I meant to say attention.
Hope I didn't scare any of you.
Oh, no.
How can we stop this?
Maybe a freeze ray.
How about this cafeteria,
huh?
I poured ketchup on some
cardboard once.
My mom called it a mess.
Here, they call it lasagna.
[laughter]
Am I right?
[laughter]
What, what's wrong?
Are you okay?
Comedy is physically
painful for me.
Because you're half monster.
No.
Because you're terrible.
You talk my heart and you
crushed it, crushed it!!!!!
Don't worry, guys, I'll be back
later with much more.
She's hilarious.
See?
He knows funny.
[laughs]
Hey Sniffer, what do
you think of this?
[keys jingling]
[laughter]
I don't know how
you guys do it.
There's been another attack,
guys.
This time it's taken
a student.
Right.
Let's go.
You'll forget everything
you saw here.
But you will remember
how funny I am.
Very, very funny.
The Pincher Mole attacked
the cheerleaders
and took the mascot.
This tells us two things:
One, it has begun
to feed its young.
Two, job opening
on the pep squad!
One time!
Snarked the cheerleaders!
Really?
What?
Okay.
I admit it.
Nobody thinks I'm funny
and I just don't understand it.
Comedy isn't about
funny clothes and wigs.
I got it!
I got it, I got it!!!!
You know how to find the
Mole's ventilation tunnel?
No.
The reason nobody's
found me funny
is that I haven't been using
my natural comedic gift:
Pranks.
Keep me posted on the Mole.
And be ready to laugh,
you guys!
Be ready to laugh.
This is ridiculous.
Some people have no idea
how they look to others.
So, what do you guys wanna
do now?
Find the ventilation tunnel!
That's what you're
here to do!
Of course, I'm gonna
find the Mole,
but I thought we could
make a day out of it.
You don't wanna rush
what we have here--
It's so special.
Jake, Kirby and
the Sni-i-ffer, ♪
we're the best of buds"
Come on! Everybody join!
This isn't working.
What are you doing?
I'm about to prove once
and for all I'm funny.
I don't think
that's provable.
Watch and laugh.
[laughter]
Not good.
Mr. Spezza!
Ahhhh!!!!
Not funny, but thumbs up
on going bad girl.
I think he's okay,
don't you?
Please, please, please don't
put me back in there.
I can help you.
Help us?
You've been stalling
the entire time.
Okay, maybe a little.
But I promise, from now on--
all business!
[snorts]
The Mole's about to attack.
Now you're just lying.
Let's not make this harder
than it has to be.
Seriously. It's coming!
It's right behind you,
you're in real danger.
Ooo, I'm scared.
It's really coming
this time
So, it's a terrible idea
for me to kick my blaster
across the room--
leaving me completely--
Jake,
he's telling the truth!
[roars]
Uh-oh!
Help!
Come on, guys, help!!
Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not a pro, but it doesn't
seem smart to kick away
your blaster when
the Mole's attacking.
Right?
Okay, so I was stalling.
But I knew that if I brought
you to the Mole,
the fun would end!
And I love, love, love
hanging with you guys--
Clamp your trap and find
the ventilation tunnel
because the school basement
is really gross.
We're getting there.
You were right.
Not funny at all.
[snorts]
Oh, here it is.
Ta-da!
I should have known.
Janitorial supplies.
Pincher Moles love the fresh
scent of toilet cakes.
But who doesn't, right?
Thank you?
Can I get a 'thank you'?
I only lead you right to
the doorstep of your monster.
And that's why you're
going down first.
To help us find Jake and
the rest of the students.
[snorts]
I don't know.
I'm getting a lot of smells
from down there.
[snorts]
Sugar Snap cereal,
[snorts]
foot fungus,
[snorts]
wait mentholated lip balm.
Got him.
Jake.
Jake, Jake!
Jake, Jake!
Echo.
Echo.
We'll find him.
He'll be okay.
Unless the baby Moles have
already started eating him,
then we might find a
really nasty puddle of--
Oh. I'm sure he's fine.
Over here!
Is that him?
School mascot.
Help us, please.
Before that thing
comes back.
But I have to warn you,
you'll to need something more
powerful than school spirit.
It's not afraid of anything.
I said, " Go Wombats" and it
still kept eating my foot off.
Have any of you seen
Jake Collins?
No, sorry.
Find him!!
Have you ever heard
the expression
you can catch more
flies with honey'?
Except instead of honey,
hamster hair.
But not in tea.
In tea, you use gerbil hair.
And there he is.
I'll take that hamster
hair now.
Thank goodness.
Are you okay?
[roars]
That thing is not so big.
This thing will
go down easy, right?
No doubt.
Just wait for a clear shot.
Watch out!
[laser fire]
Could this be any worse?
There's only one thing
left to do, sing.
"Jake, Kirby
and the--" ♪
Shut up!
Right.
Jake, my blaster is right
by your foot!
Can you reach it?
[roars]
[laser fire]
I love you guys!
Do you smell that?
It's me.
Get me out, get me out!
Jake
Boy, the monsters on the other
side are going to be
so excited to see me.
But it's hard, I'm going
to miss you guys too.
You'll forget all about us,
hanging in your monster world
with the rest of the Sniffers,
sipping gerbil hair tea.
True, true.
But in all my travels
throughout all my life,
I will always remember you
three: Jake, the Brave.
Kirby, the heart.
And Hayley, the Humorless.
[laughs]
It's not very funny.
Good-bye, my friends.
Good-bye.
You know, I might actually
kind of miss him
like the way I miss
having chicken pox.
Guess what, guys?
I'm back.
Funny thing, they apparently
don't want me over there.
Okay, well they need
to want you.
You're one of them.
Good-bye, good luck.
No!
Alright, come on!
That was a close one.
The portal's about to close.
See!
They seem to be pretty clear
about not wanting me
to go back.
It's a joke, it's a joke.
You tell them that.
Never mind.
It's like we're meant
to be.
[All]: Ah!!
Party in HQ tonight.
First thing's first,
what kind of frog
do you like to lick?
I'm buying.
I picked up your
congratulations Nuss cake,
plaque, and the balloons
are on the way.
You sure it's all worth it.
Just for the Over
Achiever's Club?
Don't push it.
May I have everyone's
attention please!
Welcome to the dedication of
the Principal Nuss
memorial statue
Great day for a ceremony, huh?
Yeah, wait,
where's Sniffs-a-lot?
Great news,
there was a massive
Mole attack in Amsterdam.
Hundreds of people missing.
AndI sent the Dutch
Troop the perfect solution
to their problem.
You sent the Sniffer
to Amsterdam?
Without further adieu
with great honor I present
the Principal Nuss
memorial statue.
[applause]
That's all I could
save of it.
[laughter]
Well, lookee here.
It seems as though somebody
owes me an apology.
Apparently I'm crazy funny.
That's accidental comedy.
Doesn't count.
I'm afraid he's right.
Accidental or not,
I'm funny.
I know it and you know it.
I'm really, really funny!
[laughter]
Now that's funny.
See?
Totally funny, right?
Told ya!
[laughter]