Tires (2024) s02e07 Episode Script

1
[narrator] Previously on Tires…
You're here one year, have one good idea,
and you think you can do my job?
-[Shane] Do we need a loan? Shit's good.
-[Will] Shit is good, but could be great.
-Would you wanna go out sometime?
-Sure, yeah.
-[Shane] Yeah?
-Yeah.
Nice.
Oh shit. Just got a text from my dad.
He's in town.
Maybe you and I should try
working together again.
We tried that once.
That was a long time ago. I was a dick.
-I wasn't flirting with a waitress.
-Oh, yes, you were.
I'm gonna head out.
[Phil] He's been telling me everything
about the business.
I'm very impressed
with what you're doing around here.
Hey, remember that deal we talked about?
I think we're gonna do it.
Holy shit, dude.
There is no loan.
-What?
-[Jon] The bank said yes.
I'm saying no.
He's canceling the order.
Dude, you fucked me.
I thought we were friends.
We are friends.
My dad said yes
to every business opportunity,
and look how that fuckin' turned out.
Hi, Uncle Phil. I have some business
I would like to discuss with you.
Don't tell Shane
I left you this voicemail.
[alarm blaring]
[fanciful music playing]
Wow!
We just made another million bucks.
Hey, there you go!
These are the best marketing ideas
the world has ever seen.
I told you, you fucking idiot.
You're the best boss I ever had.
Can I buy you lunch?
-Yeah, Kilah. Great idea.
-[door opens]
[entry bell chimes]
Hi, Will.
It's me, your girlfriend.
Oh, my girlfriend?
I just came in to say
that I think you might be giving me
too many orgasms.
Oh, no, boo-boo.
We'll just have to give you a few more.
All right. That's…
Come on.
What? That's my girlfriend.
-That's not your fucking girlfriend.
-Shane.
-Oh no.
-No. No, no.
-Oh, then I think I have to leave.
-Think about the orgasms I've given you.
I just remembered that I don't think
you've ever given me one orgasm.
-No, no, no. Sh, sh, sh!
-Goodbye, Will.
-[Will] Come back!
-Bye.
Bye, you limp-dick twat!
-Wake up!
-[banging on window]
Will! Can you come out here, please?
-Mitchell.
-Hey, what's up, Will?
[boys laughing]
-Wait. Is that today?
-Yeah.
-Shoot.
-[Shane] Hey, Mitchell.
-What's up, baby?
-Hey. How are you?
I'm good. I'm good.
Okay, guys, this is Dex and Frankie.
Hey, hey, hey! Stop playing!
Stop playing. Hey!
S… stop!
I'mma take this belt off. Stop playing.
What's up, boys?
That's nice. Free labor for the day?
This is Shane. He's gonna teach you
what it's like working in a real shop.
Going over brakes,
tire rotations, all that stuff.
Real-world stuff.
-Big Daddy Shane.
-Oh yeah. Big Shane. Big Daddy.
Hell yeah, boys. Oh, this is Will.
-Squirrel vibes.
-That's it. Big-time squirrel vibes.
Look at him. 'Cause he's got that…
-Yeah.
-[Frankie] Looks like he just got chased.
I need you to sign this waiver
saying that you understand
Montgomery County Vocational School
waives all responsibility
for these two students
while on your premises.
I thought this was next week.
I can't do this today.
No, we agreed that it was this week.
I'm hungover, man.
I need this conversation to wrap up.
What you got going on today?
-[curious music playing]
-Um…
-Nothing.
-Tell me what you're doing today.
-I'm going out.
-Where?
-Lunch.
-With who?
Is it Reagan?
-No.
-[Dex] Squirrel Man's gonna get a nut.
Hell yeah. Daytime pussy for Squirrel Man.
That's how you eatin' pussy.
-Ooh yeah. He's in there…
-And that ass.
Hey, stop playing!
[shouting] Hey! You heard him!
You play too much!
So stop playing around!
Squirrel vibes?
Squirrel-ass vibes?
Shut up!
Come at me like that?
Hey. Big Willie style. [chuckles]
[Will] You wanna play with me?
All right.
[claps] Let's have a good day.
[mellow acoustic music playing]
All right, boys. Welcome to the Big Show.
-That's Cal. He's a mechanic here.
-[Dex] What's good, baby boy?
-[Cal] No, thanks.
-Day-to-day is pretty simple.
Oil changes,
a lot of inspections, brake jobs.
Lately, we've been focused on tires,
so we've got a lot of work for you today.
We'll start with this Mazda.
Yeah, nah, we're good.
What?
We ain't here to work, skeeze.
This is like a field trip for us, man.
No, it's not like a field trip.
You're here to get your work hours.
Yeah, like, we're hearing you,
but, uh, we just
don't feel like doing that.
You guys go to Vo Tech. You're gonna be
doing this the rest of your lives.
Nah, bro. I actually been rapping.
You're gonna be a rapper
instead of a mechanic?
-He is a rapper.
-I don't think. I know, bro.
I'm already having motion in my city.
-Let me hear.
-[Dex] All right. Ready?
-[Frankie beatboxing]
-Hey, hey, hey, turn up, hey ♪
Yeah, we know we staying lit
I'm in this bitch ♪
Like, I'm fucking your bitch
Fuck, fuck, um… ♪
-Hand me a fuckin' wrench.
-[Dex] Fuck!
Fuck! That was good though.
[lively music playing]
Yeah. Oh, he just walked in.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Talk to you soon.
-[Will] Hey, Uncle Phil!
-William.
[Will] How are you? Oh, let's do that.
Uh, okay.
We're getting that.
How you doing?
I'm doing great.
-Yeah.
-So, uh, what's going on?
Nothing.
-Nothing?
-[Will] Nah.
-Boy, you really do look great.
-I do… I feel great.
Yes. You look strong.
Like a strong guard dog.
-Pit bull!
-[imitates barking]
-Ha! [barks] Right!
-[both chuckle]
Now, full transparency.
I've been using this testosterone cream.
-Okay.
-[Phil] It's terrific stuff.
-Yeah.
-You could use some.
Oh, I'm sure I'd love it.
Got it in the truck.
-Oh, I don't need it.
-You do need some.
-No.
-I'm gonna get it. Two margaritas, please.
Wait, wait, wait.
[Phil] I'll be right back.
Hello. How are… Oh.
[lively music ends]
Smoking weed.
Yo, so you got a wife?
No.
She died?
No. I got a girlfriend though.
Ugh, dude, you're way too old
to have a girlfriend. That's sad.
-That is, bro. What's she do?
-[Frankie] Yeah.
She's in catering.
Is she fat?
She's not fat. She's actually…
She's kinda hot, so…
-Yeah? Let's see a picture, then.
-No, I'm not showing you a picture.
-You don't have any? That's weird.
-I have pictures. I'm just not fuckin'--
'Cause she doesn't exist, or what?
No, she exists. I'm not playing
these fuckin' little kid games.
"Little kid games" is
saying you have a girlfriend
when you don't have a girlfriend.
I have a girl… Cal!
Tell these two dickheads
I have a girlfriend, and she is kinda hot.
-I thought that was over?
-[Shane] It's not over.
You said you were texting her
and she wasn't texting you back.
Shut the fuck up, Cal.
Fuck all that, bro. You're mad old.
I don't know. You could buy us beer.
-Oh, yeah.
-No, I don't wanna buy you beer. I'm not.
What if we do all this bullshit
that you want us to do?
Then will you buy us beer?
Yes. You get this done,
I'll buy you guys some beer.
-Yes.
-Let's get this done.
Let's get this fucking done.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
[Phil] You really gotta get it in there.
Gotta get it in.
It's gonna burn at first.
Took me about a week to get over it,
but once that passes…
[chuckles] …your penis is
gonna fill with blood
whether you like it or not. There you go.
Oh wow. Thanks. Yeah.
So I'll definitely probably
still call my doctor--
What did you wanna talk about?
Um, just,
you know…
Boy, that has a strong odor.
It's boner cream.
[Will] I just, um…
just had a few business questions to ask.
Shoot.
If you were to get into business
with somebody,
what are you looking for?
[tense music]
[Phil] Hmm.
Do you wanna do business with me?
Uh…
No, no. It was just a hypothetical.
If you were looking
to get into business with me,
show me your balls.
How's your margarita?
Mine tastes like shit.
-It's good.
-[Phil] Look.
You tell the waitress
we want two new margaritas.
-Mine's fine.
-[Phil] Mine tastes like shit, okay?
You may be all right with that,
but I don't prefer it.
I… I… I really just
wanna talk about business.
Look, I know Jon wants to retire.
He talked to me about the loan,
so just let him sell Valley Forge,
and that way,
you and Shane can come work for me,
which of course means
you'll have to leave Valley Forge.
Phil, no.
Oh shit!
-Don't… don't get that in your mouth!
-Why?
-I don't know.
-[spits]
Is everything all right?
Our margaritas taste like shit.
Can we get a refund?
Mine tastes fine. I don't know
what his problem is. Can we get the check?
Sure.
[laughs]
Let's do a bar crawl.
Talk about some real business.
[steady rock music playing]
[Frankie] Ooh! Ooh! Shit! [laughing]
Kelly text you back yet?
-No.
-[Dex] All right, you won.
[Shane] I fucking hate these kids.
That's why they're having so much fun.
They know it's pissing you off.
[boys chatting indistinctly]
I'd probably do the same.
[Frankie] Oh shit!
[boys chatting and laughing]
All right.
There's a distributor next door.
Here's 20 bucks.
Go get yourself a case on me.
-Wait…
-You said you was gonna buy it.
-[Frankie] Yeah.
-I am buying. That's my money. Go buy it.
[Frankie] No.
I can't go in there
and buy beer for two kids.
That's illegal. You serious?
No, that's stupid. This is stupid.
You… This is stupid!
-Are you scared?
-No, bro, we're not scared.
-They're gonna say no.
-[Frankie] Yeah.
Holy shit, you're scared.
-[scoffs] I'm not scared.
-It's all right if you're a little scared.
I'm not a little scared. I know it's
all right, but I'm not a little scared.
-[Dex] All right.
-Are you scared?
-I'm not scared.
-See, I believe him.
-I'm not scared!
-Prove it. Go do it.
-I'll fucking do it right now.
-I'm gonna buy some beer.
-We're gonna buy beer.
-[Dex] Let's go.
-You got it.
-[Frankie] Mm-hmm.
Take your fuckin' lanyard off.
Oh shit! Dude, take your fucking… Okay.
-It says "high school" on it.
-[Frankie] Dude, take your…
-Bro, just calm down.
-[Frankie] Oh, no, no. It's cool. Yeah.
-What's going on?
-You wanna see something cool?
Sure.
I'm about to fuck those kids.
What?
I'm gonna fuck 'em up.
At first, I didn't think you were right
for the management job,
but then I realized
Shane only wants to work with you,
so I see it as a package deal.
-Yes, but--
-You want some free fries?
Uh, what do you mean?
[tires screech]
[Phil] Hello, Rory.
So we were here about an hour ago,
and you forgot our fries.
Do you have a receipt, sir?
No, I've already dropped
all my fast-food receipts off
with my accountant for the day.
All right. Give me a second.
There's that smile.
[Phil cackles]
[steady rock music playing]
[man] Freeze, motherfuckers!
Get on the fucking ground!
-[Frankie] Oh my God!
-Hands behind your back!
[Frankie] I'm so sorry!
Hands behind your back! You guys
are going to jail for three months.
-[Frankie] What?
-[Dex] For buying beer?
For counterfeiting a $20 bill.
That's a felony.
-What the fuck? Somebody gave--
-Shut up!
[Shane] There a problem here, officer?
-You know these guys?
-Yeah, I think I've seen 'em before.
Oh yeah?
These two boys, they're, uh…
they're actually pussies.
[cop] These guys messed up.
You wanna take 'em downtown,
feed 'em to the boys?
-Look at these cheeks.
-The boys would love these guys.
Thought you could fuck around a little.
You're about to be a guy's Fleshlight.
-Fuck! Oh no.
-[cop] A caked-up white boy.
Yeah, you're gonna have to join
the Aryan Brotherhood.
-I don't wanna join the Aryan Brotherhood!
-It's either that or you're a cake boy.
-[Frankie] I don't wanna be either.
-Either cake boy or a Nazi.
[Frankie] Oh my God!
You guys are gonna be jacking off
to cartoons that some fucking retard drew.
-While your butts leak with criminal jizz.
-[Frankie] Ah!
All because you guys had to act up
on Vo Tech Day.
No! I'm dead! [sobbing]
I'm dead!
Is there, uh…
Is there any way out of this?
I do owe you a favor.
Oh my God, please use the favor!
Use the favor! Please!
-You guys learn something?
-[both] Yeah.
Wanna make fun
of my catering girlfriend again?
-[Frankie] Oh my God, no!
-No, bro. No, she's chill.
Let these dickheads go.
-[Frankie] Thank you.
-[cop] Get up.
-[Shane] Get the fuck up and back in here.
-[Frankie] Okay!
-[Shane] Bring the beer.
-[Frankie] Okay. Oh my God.
[pulsing rock music playing]
Let's roll. Come on, let's roll.
What's wrong? What's wrong, dawg?
What happened to you dudes? What's wrong?
[laughing] Oh snap!
Oh, it's real now, ain't it?
Shit real now.
[Shane] What do you think, Jerome?
Should I go visit Kelly at work?
Yeah, you're right.
I should go visit her. Yeah.
[upbeat pop music playing]
[singing along]
Dear, I fear we're facing a problem ♪
You love me no longer ♪
I know and ♪
So I cry ♪
And I pray and I beg ♪
Love me, love me ♪
Say that you love me ♪
Fool me, fool me ♪
Go on and fool me ♪
Love me, love me ♪
Pretend that you love me ♪
I can't care 'bout anything but you ♪
-Hey, what are you doing?
-[screaming] Oh my God! [gasps]
Oh my God!
-Oh my God!
-I'm so sorry.
[panting]
-[Shane] You okay?
-What are you doing?
-You scared the shit out of me!
-I was joking.
I thought it was gonna be funny.
I'm sorry.
Okay. What the…
-Uh, what's up?
-[Shane] I…
I… I sent you a voicemail.
I was wondering if you got it.
I got it.
-It was funny.
-Yeah, I was trying to be funny.
I'm sorry I was on cocaine,
and my dad was being a dick, and…
It's totally okay. We're not dating,
so it's not a big deal.
What if we were dating?
I think you're really nice.
And I think you're kind of funny.
But you're so weird.
You're weird. I'm not weird.
-You're weird!
-[Shane] I'm not that weird.
You were just hiding here
for God knows how long to scare me.
-Ten minutes. I could've killed you easy.
-[Kelly] Ten minutes?
-You probably had to pee.
-I did pee.
[laughing] Okay. Ew. Ew!
All right.
This teenager fucked me up earlier.
He told me…
He was making fun of me, saying I was old
and I needed to lock something down,
and, I don't know. Just…
You hang out with teenagers?
[Shane] I don't hang out.
It was a work thing. They came in, but…
They were calling you fat.
I was like, "She's not fat,"
and I almost had 'em killed for it.
Well, thank you. That is very romantic.
It is. I defended your honor.
My knight in shining armor.
Can we just, like, start over?
I'm not that weird. And you could…
[playful music]
Okay.
Yeah?
Mm-hmm.
Would it be weird if we kissed?
Yeah, really weird.
-It'd be weird?
-[Kelly laughing] Yes!
-Okay, we can kiss.
-You wanna kiss?
-Sure.
-All right.
-Are you there? Oh!
-[Shane] No.
[both laughing]
-What the hell?
-[Shane] I'm over here.
What the hell? That was your only shot.
That was your only chance.
[pop music playing over speakers]
I think that's two chicks.
This is a gay bar?
I don't know. I don't do bar crawls.
Maybe we crawled into a gay one.
Yeah.
Ah shit! They're looking right at us.
Fuck! I think I know that guy. [sighs]
So are you gonna ask me for the loan?
[sighs]
-What?
-[Phil] That's why you called me, right?
Your dad said the loan's not happening,
then you call me out of the clear blue.
So just ask.
Okay.
Uncle Phil,
can I have the loan?
-No!
-Why? Do you wanna see my balls?
-Sure.
-Okay, fine. Eyes open, grandpa.
Here come my balls. Uh, excuse me. Miss?
Hi.
I, um, just wanted to let you know
I think you're very cute.
Oh! Well, I think you're very cute.
Oh, tha… thank you very much.
-[chuckles]
-Well, do you wanna hang out sometime?
Uh, yeah, I would, actually.
-I'll pop over in a minute.
-Okay. I will look forward to you popping.
Over here.
Outstanding work.
-Boom! Balls!
-Still not getting the loan.
-What? Why not? What are we doing?
-Will, listen.
I just wanted to make sure
that you and Shane were willing
to come and work for me.
Yeah, but, Phil, I like where I work.
Shane likes where he works.
We like Valley Forge.
And we got a good thing going there.
Well, then this is
going to work out perfect.
What's that?
This is an evaluation
prepared by my consultant
of Valley Forge Auto.
It's a great business
with a terrific future.
Look, I talked to your dad.
He wants to retire.
I have the capital to buy the company.
You can do
whatever you want with the business,
and I get to work with my son, Shane.
It's a win-win.
Phil…
Will, listen to me.
I'm buying Valley Forge Auto.
Hey, what's up? I'm Maddie.
Hey!
Oh my goodness! I am so sorry.
I didn't know you had somebody.
-Nope.
-Nope.
Well…
So when are you gonna pop?
-Any minute now.
-Congratulations! That's really exciting.
[Phil] Oh, I felt little Will kick.
Okay, sure.
Phil, what are you doing?
We were just having a conversation.
Can I catch you in a bit?
-Okay.
-[Will] Okay.
You're gonna be a new dad.
Oh, it's exciting.
-That was cra--
-[Phil] Listen.
I need you to talk to Shane.
He's gonna fucking hate this.
Got it?
Yeah.
Here. Here.
Yeah.
[hip-hop music playing]
Crawl, live in a skull ♪
Burn in a well
That I freeze in a beta fail… ♪
On it just to book the roll ♪
Panned it in to pan a ride
Make it and fort sang Ivan ♪
Moneybag virtue cops ♪
Back in the building
And I topple the blocks ♪
Thirty-three level mage
Take it to the stage ♪
Zimmerman on the back page ♪
Super down
With the Memphis Woofer Rock ♪
Super down
With the Memphis Woofer Rock… ♪
[song continues]
Garvey done buried double statuette ♪
Thirty-five dollars
And you lost the bet ♪
On west, bottle rocket
Got the rocket saws ♪
Sweeney and Blake, Mo and Sandoval
And mocha go ♪
Super down, down, down, down ♪
It's a drag, man
Tomorrow is a king size drag ♪
Kyle knows what happened
And check what's gonna happen ♪