Leanne (2025) s02e08 Episode Script

[upbeat theme music playing]
[lively music playing]
[Mama Margaret] Oh, hey, girls.
How was your calisthenics class?
-Terrible.
-Great.
Now for the only part of Zumba I enjoy,
putting all those calories back
where they don't belong.
Stop. Carol, don't eat.
You have a date Friday night.
No, I don't.
Yes, you do. I set it up.
Gave him our home address.
He'll be here at 7:00. You're welcome.
What did you do, old woman?
What did you do?!
You gave our address
to a complete stranger?
Hello? She pimped me out
to a complete stranger.
Oh, unbunch your panties.
He's that handsome fella
who sold us the potting soil
at the Rocky Top Hardware.
Is she supposed to call him
handsome fella, or does he have a name?
I don't know. I forgot to ask.
I was too busy looking
at his hairy ankles.
My kryptonite.
Give me his number.
I'll tell him that Carol can't make it.
There's been a murder-suicide.
Silly, ladies do not ask gentlemen
for their phone numbers.
Carol and a stranger sitting in a tree ♪
You know, you won't be laughing when
he's flying a kite made out of my skin.
Carol and a psycho sitting in a tree ♪
Somebody take this seriously!
Mama, you can't expect Carol to go out
with some random guy with tasty ankles.
You too?
It runs in the family.
This is why I have
to do everything for you girls.
You're both just a big bag of noes.
I can find my own dates.
I mean, it has been a minute.
Why are we wasting time arguing
when we need to find Carol
some girl clothes?
Leanne ♪
Is that him?
No!
Is that him?
Quit asking if every man
wearing a tan apron is him.
All right, all right.
-Is that him?
-[exhales]
What did I just-- Oh yeah, that's him.
Wait, you're not going
on a date with that guy?
Can I go on a date with that guy?
Leanne!
You're right, I should go through Mama.
Why don't you go make us
some house keys in stupid colors?
-Can your boyfriend get us a discount?
-Go away!
[indistinct chatter]
Hi. Hi. [chuckles]
I don't know if you remember me,
but apparently, we have a date Friday.
Of course. 1340 Oakdale Lane.
Carol. But you don't need to remember that
because I'm letting you off the hook.
Why are you doing that?
I know you were just humoring an old woman
and you don't have to do this.
Maybe I want to do this.
Uh, stop. [chuckles]
Forget about your mom.
What if I just ask you out myself?
What if I say no?
Are you saying no?
Why would you take your shirt off?
No, I don't know.
[lilting music playing]
-[doorbells ringing]
-Ooh!
-[overlapping doorbell voices]
-Stop. Stop. Be quiet.
Leanne?
-[doorbell voice] Attention.
-No.
Attention. Attention.
Let me give you a hand.
Atten--
Andrew.
[exhales]
Hi, Leanne.
Hi.
You gonna get in trouble
for unplugging that?
Well, I've got two things I can flash.
My FBI badge and my gold membership card.
-You're a gold member?
-Yeah.
I mean, when I saw the price
of a 40-pack of batteries,
I mean, that pays
for the membership fee right there.
-[chuckles] Smart. Smart.
-Yeah.
And you get to park
in the spots right up front?
Yeah,
but sometimes I save them for old people.
Of course you do.
Well, um, It's been nice catching up.
Yeah, I should--
-Yeah. Me-- I should too.
-Yeah.
Oh, you go ahead. I forgot I need a…
plunger.
Yeah, those are great.
[lilting music playing]
I get that you grabbed the closest thing,
but why did you buy the plunger?
I couldn't let go.
My hands were clutching it
like a life raft.
I'm sorry.
Do you think he thought it went okay?
Sure.
I mean, bumping into an ex
isn't the kind of thing
that sticks with you all day.
Well, it's sticking to me like molasses.
You're making too big a deal out of it.
Am I?
Yes! When I see someone
holding a plunger, I think,
"Now there's somebody
about to solve a problem."
And of course, this is the day
that I say to myself,
"Oh, what the heck?
These pajamas look like sweats."
They do. Except for the candy canes.
What am I gonna do?
Look, you obviously
still have feelings for the guy,
or this wouldn't have upset you so much.
Of course I do.
So call him.
After that marriage proposal disaster,
he said he'd get back to me and he didn't.
Shouldn't that tell me something?
Yeah, I guess.
I don't want to talk about it anymore.
Let's focus on you.
[Carol] Mm!
What happened
with Tall, Dark, and Fertilizer?
That son of a bitch charmed me.
-We're actually gonna go out.
-[exclaims]
Oh, Carol, I'm so happy for you!
You know what's weird? [chuckles]
Me leaving the store with a handsome man,
and a handsome man
watching you leave with a plunger.
[laughs]
In the morning, you have no idea
what fate has in store for you.
[laughing] It's just crazy.
Yeah, crazy.
[Carol sighs]
[whimsical music playing]
[exhales] Well, the new keys worked.
Oh, goody. So the soul-crushing run-in
with my ex was worth it.
I've got a surprise for you girls.
Is that my favorite cousin?
You know it is.
Jessie, get over here.
[both chuckle]
Me and Mike broke up.
I'm dying inside. [sobs]
Okay. Okay.
Uh…
Carol, get Mama out.
What's going on?
We're having an emotional emergency.
Mama out now.
Well, can I just get the headline?
No. Go.
I love seeing family love on family.
Hey, Mama.
Uh, so I was just thinking,
uh, vis-à-vis my hot date,
you got any ideas
for what we can do with this hair?
Many.
You would look beautiful in a bouffant.
And I've got some Ladies' Home Journals
and a jar of Dippity Do.
Prepare to be transformed.
You owe me.
Okay, come over here
and tell me everything, my darling.
My life is over.
-Take a deep breath. Okay, what happened?
-[Jessie breathes deeply]
Well, you know how me and Mike,
we opened that diner together.
-Best sweet and sassy bacon in Tennessee.
-[Jessie whimpers]
It's Grandma's recipe.
[sobs]
Well, it was the lunch rush
and we were falling behind on orders,
and I went to go find Mike,
and he was coming out of
the walk-in fridge with Donna Davenport.
Oh, no, he didn't.
Oh, yes, he did.
And there was mutual heavy breathing
and her apron was on backwards.
Infidelity and a health code violation.
I'm just destroyed, Leanne.
As a Christian woman,
I believe in forgiveness.
But I also believe that Satan
has a special pot of boiling lava
for cheaters in the fiery bowels
of H-E-double L.
I was so mad, I mean,
I grabbed my phone, keys, wallet,
I topped off Mr. Reynolds' coffee
and I started driving.
Okay, well, I'm glad you came here.
[exhales] Me too.
You know, I thought to myself,
"Who could I turn to?"
"Who do I know
who has been this humiliated?"
And it was, bam! "Leanne."
Happy to help.
You know, ever since Bill did you dirty,
the whole family keeps saying,
"Poor Leanne."
They do?
Well, yeah, but not to your face,
of course, 'cause we're Southern.
Yeah, bless their hearts.
And now they're just going
to be saying, "Poor Jessie."
It's all right, I got you,
and you're going to cry it out
for as long as it takes,
and you will rise above this.
I hope so.
I don't know what's going on with you,
but it cannot be worse
than what's happening right here.
-I love it.
-It looks great.
[Mama Margaret] Carol,
I found the Aqua Net.
-Oh, poor Carol.
-Oh, poor Carol.
[lilting music playing]
[Leanne] How are my PJs
working out for you?
Super comfy. I mean,
I see why women give up on the sexy stuff.
Those are my sexy stuff.
Oh. [chuckles]
Just get in here.
You know, when I was
running out of the diner,
I wasn't thinking about my jammy sitch.
Well, I've got the full breakup kit here.
Box of Kleenex,
bottle of Chardonnay, and snack cakes.
All you need is a little time,
a little love, and a Little Debbie.
Nutty Buddy Creme Pies?
-Would poor Leanne have anything else?
-[sighs]
You really do know
your way around a breakup.
Sadly, I've had some practice.
First with Bill, now Andrew.
Who's Andrew?
-It's not important anymore.
-[sighs]
I just don't get it.
I mean, this is not who Mike is.
What was he thinking?
Well, if I've learned anything
from my experience with men,
they don't cheat
with the thing they think with.
Seven years, a thriving business,
all gone with a quickie
in a cooler on top of a box of onions.
Okay, I've learned two things.
You can let go of that relationship,
but you're not gonna let go
of your half of the diner.
No, he can have it. I never want
to go back there again or see him.
No, no, you say that now
because you're sad.
But you're gonna get angry,
and angry you is going to hate
the decision sad you made.
I don't have the strength for all this.
I can't even open my Nutty Buddy.
[Jessie exhales]
You really are the strongest woman I know.
You're strong too.
This cheater sucked the life
out of you like a vampire.
When this happened to me,
I took to the bed.
But Carol pulled me up out of it
and made me fight for what was mine.
I'm too tired to fight.
Well, you don't have to.
That's why the good Lord gave us Carol.
["All By Myself" by Eric Carmen playing]
All by myself… ♪
What the hell are we listening to?
This isn't the boo-hoo bus.
It's a war wagon. We need war-wagon music.
I'm doing this tonight
You're probably going to start a fight ♪
I know this can't be right
Hey, baby, come on! ♪
-I loved you endlessly ♪
-["Bye Bye Bye" by NSYNC playing]
Oh, you weren't there for me ♪
So now it's time to leave
And make it alone ♪
I know that I can't take no more
It ain't no lie ♪
I want to see you out that door
Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
Bye, bye
Don't wanna be a fool for you ♪
Just another player
In your game for two ♪
[song fades]
Okay, do I need to go over this again?
Of course I do.
Jessie, you march in there
and you let him have it.
And if you need backup, tap us in.
-Good plan.
-Got it.
Hey, Jessie, can I get a top off?
-Of course, Mr. Reynolds.
-You've had enough.
There he is. Go get him!
How dare you do this
to my precious cousin!
Oh my goodness,
have you always been this good-looking?
Ask Donna Davenport.
-Jessie--
-Zip it, shockingly blue eyes!
She talks, you listen.
Exactly. Half this business is Jessie's
and she's not giving it up
because you were a butthole and cheated.
Yeah, a big old butthole.
-May I speak?
-Not until she's finished.
Thank you, Carol, but I believe I am.
I meant Jessie.
What she said.
Wait, we drove an hour for that?
I am so sorry I cheated.
I regretted it the second it happened,
but you know why I did it.
We covered that. Big old butthole.
Hey!
She cheated on me first.
Surprise twist.
That is information I did not have.
I'm feeling a little woozy.
Is this true?
Well, maybe, but in my defense,
I didn't know he knew.
Nobody knew.
-Oh, I knew.
-Oh, Jessie!
[exhales] Leanne, I would have told you,
but you just came down so hard on cheaters
with the Satan,
the lava, the fiery bowels.
I just didn't want you to hate me.
I wouldn't have made Satan's bowels
so fiery if I knew you did it.
And technically, it wasn't cheating.
I thought we were broken up.
We had that big old fight
because you wouldn't propose.
I wanted to. I bought a ring.
You did?
Princess cut?
Yes. I even asked your dad, but then
everything in here started breaking down
and we needed money fast, so I pawned it.
There's your ring.
It's deep-frying mozzarella sticks now.
You asked my daddy?
I did. He put the fear of God in me
that if I ever did wrong by you,
and now that I have, I… [exhales]
Baby, I'm so sorry.
Donna Davenport meant nothing.
Neither did Frank Dixon.
-Frank? I thought it was--
-Never mind, I forgive you.
I'm not going to lie,
I've lost a little respect
for the both of you.
But I too am willing to turn the page
because y'all are just so dang beautiful.
Yeah. They really need
to make some babies.
[Leanne] And just remember,
relationships are like a willow tree.
They bend, they don't break, even when--
Nobody's listening to you.
Let's get some pie
off that carousel and split.
[Leanne] You do that
and I'll top off Mr. Reynolds.
[pensive music playing]
[Leanne] What they say is true.
The only people that know
what's going on in a relationship
are the two people in it,
and sometimes not even them.
[Carol chuckles]
That was a hot mess.
And you think it's going to change
when you're older, but it doesn't.
You're either doing
unspeakable things on a box of onions or
thinking a shiny new plunger
is going to get you out of a jam.
Well, they do when used correctly.
Look, we're all just
a bunch of crazy people
trying to make our way
through this cruel world,
and that's before you add love.
So true.
[sucks teeth]
I can't wait to see how me and Clint
are going to disappoint each other.
No matter how nasty
the train wreck's going to be,
love is still the best ride in town.
Well, so call Andrew.
I'll do you one better.
[hopeful music playing]
[doorbell voice] Attention.
You are being recorded.
Oh Lord, not this thing again.
[doorbell rings]
Attention. You are being recorded.
Okay. Andrew, I guess you're not at home.
Hopefully you're not hiding
behind the door
waiting for me to go away,
because that would be humiliating, right?
[laughs]
Okay, well, here goes.
[exhales] No relationship is perfect.
They go sideways for all kinds of reasons.
I just… I just don't want ours to end
because I didn't reach out to you
and tell you how I felt.
I miss you,
and I'd love to see you again.
And if that's all it is,
just a visit, then that's all it is.
[doorbell voice] Attention.
You are being recorded.
Oh, good.
Because I meant every word I said.
Okay.
I'm going to back away now.
Because that's probably
a more flattering angle.
You have a package down here.
[poignant music playing]
He might still call.
Then why hasn't he?
Maybe he didn't see the recording,
or maybe he's out of town,
or he doesn't know
how to work the technology.
Remember how many times
he butt-dialed you?
I'd even settle for one of those.
I saved one where
he's eating crackers in his car.
[sighs] I just need to face the facts.
We're really over.
Maybe, but you put yourself out there,
and you told your truth.
You're right.
And you are not giving up on love.
No, I'm fully committed
to being alone forever
and still believing in love.
Ahoy, ladies! Permission to board!
I'm sorry, that sounded clever
on the walk up.
It did?
Yeah. Yeah. Something said,
"Don't," and… [laughs] …I didn't listen.
It's okay. I've done way worse.
-I've got a plunger to prove it.
-[Carol] Mm.
This is my sister, Leanne.
Leanne, this is Captain Clint
of the good ship We're Off to a Bad Start.
-Can I talk to your mom again?
-[chuckles]
I'm sorry. It has been a brutal few days
for men around here.
But nothing we can't move on from.
You two kids go have fun.
You sure you're going to be okay?
Absolutely. Lord, yes. Go.
-You're welcome to join us.
-She is?
That is so sweet of you,
but I am not a pity case.
Woo-hoo!
I win again!
[Leanne laughs]
He's great.
[lilting bumper music playing]
[closing theme music playing]
Leanne ♪
Leanne ♪