Superjail! (2007) s02e08 Episode Script
The Budding of the Wurbuxx
Hey, Square-O, wanna stick it to the man and smoke this wacky weed? It's totally the bee's knees.
I don't know, Jimmy.
I don't want to get addicted.
I'll stick to good old cigarettes.
Come on, Timmy.
Don't be such a jelly bean.
Why, I'll show you who's a jelly bean! Now Timmy's gone incurably mad, neglecting his studies, discarding his sweater vest, and even sharing drinking fountains withminorities.
As cautionary a tale as ever there was, for young Timmy has - tragically become - Wow.
What a magnificent specimen of cinema for our Superjail monthly matinee.
Only now have I learned that there's a little bit of poor Timmy inside us all.
You certainly weren't this receptive when I went through my 12 steps.
Yeah, that was kind of a bummer.
But this -- I-I had no idea sensational And cinematic.
Why, any one of us could be weed wacked at any moment.
Man! This movie sucks! I know! Continuity errors galore.
Hello?! He's wearing his sweater vest again.
Well, I got a friend on the outside who bootlegs real movies.
We can have a movie night of our own.
Oh, but I like this one.
Lookit -- Timmy's dancing all funny.
Beware the telltale signs of narcotics abuse -- inexplicable chortling, or the titters Followed by a crippling lethargy, contrasted by a virulent antisocial behavior and paranoia.
Good grief.
How could I have missed all the telltale signs? My entire Superjail is strung out! UhUh-oh.
Got to hit the ladies' room to, uh, uh, powder my nose.
Powder her nose? Isn't that street talk for tooting the nostril candy? Oh, no! Not Alice, too! Oh, it's over already? No, the inmates are stealing the projector -- again.
To pawn for wacky weed, no doubt.
This drug epidemic's more serious than I feared.
If we want to save Alice and all of Superjail, it's time for an intervention.
Aah! A stunning tour de force.
The feel-good movie of -- Aah! Could it be? It's probably just a tumor.
Nay.
We have been blessed with our very first Wurbuxx bud.
Fine words for one who does not bear the burden of the budding.
Please do not spoil this for us.
Huh? People? In my ladies' room? The budding of the Wurbuxx is nigh.
I am filled with dread and crystalline outcroppings.
Yet we are without a sanctioned bud steward to guide us through the calamitous end-budding.
Aah! You cons better shell that turd and waddle to the men's room.
Be gone.
Let us bud in private.
Whoa! You two are preggos? Oh, I get it.
The old bathroom scrape-and-run.
Listen, if you want to keep it, I'm here for you, sister.
We are a ways from home.
And by our lonesome.
We accept your offer of bud stewardship.
Sweet! What is that -- like a godmother? If only I could see what Alice is up to in there.
How do I switch on Jailbot's X-ray vision? Great idea! Then we'd know for sure if she's taking drugs.
Huh? Oh, right, the drugs.
There she is! And she's fraternizing with drug mules.
Just what are those two trafficking beneath that bump? What have we here? Cracked cocaine? Crystal meth? Danger dust? Whatever it is, it's surer proof than a discarded sweater vest that Alice is wacking it big-time.
I got the jujubes! I got nachos! And I smuggled some popcorn kernels.
Aah! Is the movie over? That lame one is, but the real one's just about to start.
What, are you chicken? Hey, fellas, the walking horror show's afraid of a little scary movie.
Aah! Aah! Ash, lots of people are afraid of scary movies.
Yeah.
Actually, I'm -- I'm afraid of horror movies.
Weird.
What he meant to say is that's certainly a little different.
Well, it -- it all started when I was just a little boy.
Every weekend, papa would bring me to the picture show.
Everyone loved the masked ranger, but it was Potawatomi, his faithful sidekick, that I came to see.
Oh, but one weekend, my father, the town drunkard, forgot about me.
There I sat waiting for my papa, but he never came.
Don't make me go! I can't take it! Get a grip! That was years ago! This time, we're gonna be right by your side till the houselights come on.
Thanks, guys.
It's cold as tits in here.
Come on, there must be something you'll eat.
The bud will not be nourished like your carbon-based automobile rapists and thieves.
Your frozen niblets and fingers of chicken are futile.
Our unique biochemical makeup requires -- Hey, spit that out.
Silence, budless ones! You know nothing of the hunger! Whoa, these mood swings are getting a little out of hand.
The bud craves sustenance.
I have prepared a list of acceptable edibles.
Wait.
Furniture polish? Bleach? What did you bring me to the freezer for? I draw comfort from the chill.
Here I shall nest for the budding.
The bud bearer has spoken.
We rest whilst you fetch provisions.
Ugh.
They better name this little [bleep.]
after me.
Well, what do you say, doc? An intriguing compound.
Have we got proof that Alice is tripping the light fantastic? Well, I'm stumped.
And if I've never heard of it, it must be some wild [bleep.]
So, Alice really is corrupt? Oh, God! What do we do? Well, we could, uh, smoke it? That's brilliant! What?! Think about it.
We're the respected a authority figures.
If they see "the man" strung out on drugs, it won't be cool anymore, and Alice and the inmates will reform.
Sir, that -- that's -- genius! Let us use this pipe, which I bought, of course, for novelty purposes only.
No! No, you guys! I can't -- I can't do this! I-I -- Ahh.
Warden: Ooh.
What a remarkably vivid, drug-induced hallucination.
It's like I can see from every angle.
I'm totally tripping balls.
I feel so smooth and melty.
I need more.
Alice has more! We need to find her! Oh, right -- the intervention.
Now, remember, Ash -- The minute you start to feel scared, just reach down deep inside yourself and pull out your happy totem.
Oh.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Your happy totem.
It's like a memory of -- like something sweet.
Like a lovely day at the beach or -- Aah! I-I can't! I can't! Yes, you can, Ash.
Find your totem happiness within and let it manifest big and strong.
All right.
Right at the scariest part, we camp out and we spook that freakin' freak.
You got it? Got some more bleach, fertilizer, iodine.
Aah! Moderation, sibling, lest your oversaturate our precious bud.
Step off, you lollygagging -- Aaaah! Whoa.
It's baby time.
Warden: Whoa, Jared.
Your head totally looks like it's tied in a knot.
Look at all these raw ingredients.
We must be getting closer to the source.
Come and see! You can do it, Ash.
Just take your Find my totem of happiness.
Find my totem of happiness.
Potawatomi! You're here! You betcha, Kemosabe.
Oh! I think he's worse than when we started.
Shh! The movie's getting good.
I know you maggots are holding it.
Fork it over! Where have you got it? Keistered? Swallowed? Let us help you.
Witness my descent into chemical perdition.
Oh, God, it's coming true! The demons are rising! Aah! Be free of your fear, brothers! We got to get to the freezer, like in the movie! Aah! At last! The budding! Okay, here we go.
Aah! Ew! Where the [bleep.]
does this baby come from? Aah! It's bursting right out, just like in the movie! Alice! Alice, quick! Before I come down, look into my face.
See your failure.
Wow! Look at the size of that stash! Aaaaaah! Aww.
You're my beautiful little cupcake, and I'm your shrink-wrap.
Auntie Alice is gonna hold you tight and never let you go stale.
This is no child of your nonexistent God! It is the Wurbuxx bud, the most delicious sustenance in the universe.
That totally killed my buzz.
This should have killed everyone's buzz.
You see what drugs gave you? Some psychosomatically induced insanity.
Whoo! And why? Why trade a life sentence for a death sentence when life itself is the sweetest high of all? I think our work here is done.
But I was gonna be a God-mommy.
As custom, the d steward may have half of the Wurbuxx.
For you.
"Well, tonight my best gal pal ate half my God-baby, leaving me with a baby-shaped hole in my heart.
But that's where you come in, Kumba [clicks tongue.]
Chububu.
As your new sponsor mom, I'll do my best to make sure no one ever eats you.
I also wanted to give you a dollar, but I spent it in a stripper's banana hammock.
So, here's a snack instead.
I don't know, Jimmy.
I don't want to get addicted.
I'll stick to good old cigarettes.
Come on, Timmy.
Don't be such a jelly bean.
Why, I'll show you who's a jelly bean! Now Timmy's gone incurably mad, neglecting his studies, discarding his sweater vest, and even sharing drinking fountains withminorities.
As cautionary a tale as ever there was, for young Timmy has - tragically become - Wow.
What a magnificent specimen of cinema for our Superjail monthly matinee.
Only now have I learned that there's a little bit of poor Timmy inside us all.
You certainly weren't this receptive when I went through my 12 steps.
Yeah, that was kind of a bummer.
But this -- I-I had no idea sensational And cinematic.
Why, any one of us could be weed wacked at any moment.
Man! This movie sucks! I know! Continuity errors galore.
Hello?! He's wearing his sweater vest again.
Well, I got a friend on the outside who bootlegs real movies.
We can have a movie night of our own.
Oh, but I like this one.
Lookit -- Timmy's dancing all funny.
Beware the telltale signs of narcotics abuse -- inexplicable chortling, or the titters Followed by a crippling lethargy, contrasted by a virulent antisocial behavior and paranoia.
Good grief.
How could I have missed all the telltale signs? My entire Superjail is strung out! UhUh-oh.
Got to hit the ladies' room to, uh, uh, powder my nose.
Powder her nose? Isn't that street talk for tooting the nostril candy? Oh, no! Not Alice, too! Oh, it's over already? No, the inmates are stealing the projector -- again.
To pawn for wacky weed, no doubt.
This drug epidemic's more serious than I feared.
If we want to save Alice and all of Superjail, it's time for an intervention.
Aah! A stunning tour de force.
The feel-good movie of -- Aah! Could it be? It's probably just a tumor.
Nay.
We have been blessed with our very first Wurbuxx bud.
Fine words for one who does not bear the burden of the budding.
Please do not spoil this for us.
Huh? People? In my ladies' room? The budding of the Wurbuxx is nigh.
I am filled with dread and crystalline outcroppings.
Yet we are without a sanctioned bud steward to guide us through the calamitous end-budding.
Aah! You cons better shell that turd and waddle to the men's room.
Be gone.
Let us bud in private.
Whoa! You two are preggos? Oh, I get it.
The old bathroom scrape-and-run.
Listen, if you want to keep it, I'm here for you, sister.
We are a ways from home.
And by our lonesome.
We accept your offer of bud stewardship.
Sweet! What is that -- like a godmother? If only I could see what Alice is up to in there.
How do I switch on Jailbot's X-ray vision? Great idea! Then we'd know for sure if she's taking drugs.
Huh? Oh, right, the drugs.
There she is! And she's fraternizing with drug mules.
Just what are those two trafficking beneath that bump? What have we here? Cracked cocaine? Crystal meth? Danger dust? Whatever it is, it's surer proof than a discarded sweater vest that Alice is wacking it big-time.
I got the jujubes! I got nachos! And I smuggled some popcorn kernels.
Aah! Is the movie over? That lame one is, but the real one's just about to start.
What, are you chicken? Hey, fellas, the walking horror show's afraid of a little scary movie.
Aah! Aah! Ash, lots of people are afraid of scary movies.
Yeah.
Actually, I'm -- I'm afraid of horror movies.
Weird.
What he meant to say is that's certainly a little different.
Well, it -- it all started when I was just a little boy.
Every weekend, papa would bring me to the picture show.
Everyone loved the masked ranger, but it was Potawatomi, his faithful sidekick, that I came to see.
Oh, but one weekend, my father, the town drunkard, forgot about me.
There I sat waiting for my papa, but he never came.
Don't make me go! I can't take it! Get a grip! That was years ago! This time, we're gonna be right by your side till the houselights come on.
Thanks, guys.
It's cold as tits in here.
Come on, there must be something you'll eat.
The bud will not be nourished like your carbon-based automobile rapists and thieves.
Your frozen niblets and fingers of chicken are futile.
Our unique biochemical makeup requires -- Hey, spit that out.
Silence, budless ones! You know nothing of the hunger! Whoa, these mood swings are getting a little out of hand.
The bud craves sustenance.
I have prepared a list of acceptable edibles.
Wait.
Furniture polish? Bleach? What did you bring me to the freezer for? I draw comfort from the chill.
Here I shall nest for the budding.
The bud bearer has spoken.
We rest whilst you fetch provisions.
Ugh.
They better name this little [bleep.]
after me.
Well, what do you say, doc? An intriguing compound.
Have we got proof that Alice is tripping the light fantastic? Well, I'm stumped.
And if I've never heard of it, it must be some wild [bleep.]
So, Alice really is corrupt? Oh, God! What do we do? Well, we could, uh, smoke it? That's brilliant! What?! Think about it.
We're the respected a authority figures.
If they see "the man" strung out on drugs, it won't be cool anymore, and Alice and the inmates will reform.
Sir, that -- that's -- genius! Let us use this pipe, which I bought, of course, for novelty purposes only.
No! No, you guys! I can't -- I can't do this! I-I -- Ahh.
Warden: Ooh.
What a remarkably vivid, drug-induced hallucination.
It's like I can see from every angle.
I'm totally tripping balls.
I feel so smooth and melty.
I need more.
Alice has more! We need to find her! Oh, right -- the intervention.
Now, remember, Ash -- The minute you start to feel scared, just reach down deep inside yourself and pull out your happy totem.
Oh.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Your happy totem.
It's like a memory of -- like something sweet.
Like a lovely day at the beach or -- Aah! I-I can't! I can't! Yes, you can, Ash.
Find your totem happiness within and let it manifest big and strong.
All right.
Right at the scariest part, we camp out and we spook that freakin' freak.
You got it? Got some more bleach, fertilizer, iodine.
Aah! Moderation, sibling, lest your oversaturate our precious bud.
Step off, you lollygagging -- Aaaah! Whoa.
It's baby time.
Warden: Whoa, Jared.
Your head totally looks like it's tied in a knot.
Look at all these raw ingredients.
We must be getting closer to the source.
Come and see! You can do it, Ash.
Just take your Find my totem of happiness.
Find my totem of happiness.
Potawatomi! You're here! You betcha, Kemosabe.
Oh! I think he's worse than when we started.
Shh! The movie's getting good.
I know you maggots are holding it.
Fork it over! Where have you got it? Keistered? Swallowed? Let us help you.
Witness my descent into chemical perdition.
Oh, God, it's coming true! The demons are rising! Aah! Be free of your fear, brothers! We got to get to the freezer, like in the movie! Aah! At last! The budding! Okay, here we go.
Aah! Ew! Where the [bleep.]
does this baby come from? Aah! It's bursting right out, just like in the movie! Alice! Alice, quick! Before I come down, look into my face.
See your failure.
Wow! Look at the size of that stash! Aaaaaah! Aww.
You're my beautiful little cupcake, and I'm your shrink-wrap.
Auntie Alice is gonna hold you tight and never let you go stale.
This is no child of your nonexistent God! It is the Wurbuxx bud, the most delicious sustenance in the universe.
That totally killed my buzz.
This should have killed everyone's buzz.
You see what drugs gave you? Some psychosomatically induced insanity.
Whoo! And why? Why trade a life sentence for a death sentence when life itself is the sweetest high of all? I think our work here is done.
But I was gonna be a God-mommy.
As custom, the d steward may have half of the Wurbuxx.
For you.
"Well, tonight my best gal pal ate half my God-baby, leaving me with a baby-shaped hole in my heart.
But that's where you come in, Kumba [clicks tongue.]
Chububu.
As your new sponsor mom, I'll do my best to make sure no one ever eats you.
I also wanted to give you a dollar, but I spent it in a stripper's banana hammock.
So, here's a snack instead.