The Brady Bunch (1969) s02e08 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone
Till the one day when
The lady met this fellow
And they knew that it was
Much more than a hunch
That this group must
Somehow form a family
That's the way we all
Became the Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
The Brady Bunch.
Hi, Cindy.
Did Bobby come home with you?
Where's Bobby?
Did he stay at the playground?
You know, I think I just
got snubbed by Cindy.
Cindy?
Oh, that's not like her, Alice.
No. I guess she's got
something else on her mind.
Oh, I'm sure that's it.
( Sobbing )
Come on, everybody!
Dinner's ready!
Come on.
Maybe we ought to stick a
traffic light in there.
Where's Jan and Cindy?
Jan's getting washed,
and Cindy won't come down.
Won't come down? Why?
She won't say.
In fact, she won't talk at all.
( Sighs )
( Footsteps approaching )
Cindy
aren't you coming to dinner?
Don't you feel well, sweetheart?
You didn't hurt yourself, did you?
You angry with one of your sisters?
One of your brothers?
Cindy, honey, won't you
tell us what's the matter?
Cindy you know,
whatever the trouble is,
we can't help you if you
don't talk to us, hmm?
Oh, honey what is it?
They said I talk funny.
They what?
They said I talk like a baby.
Who said?
CINDY: Kids at school.
Especially that mean old Buddy Hinton.
He always teases me because I lisp.
Well that shows you what they know.
Did you know a lot of children lisp?
They do?
Why, sure.
I think, in your case,
it's just a a lazy "S."
A lazy "S"?
Mm-hmm.
But listen,
I used to lisp when I was a little girl,
( lisping ): But now I
say things really swell.
You know, I bet we could do something
to help you get over that lisp.
What?
You know those
tongue-twister books of Bobby's?
We could pick out some
with a whole lot of S's in them,
and you could practice them.
( lisps ): Sure. Let's do it now.
( Chuckles )
"Silly Sammy Skunk sat on a stump."
That's an awful lot of S's.
That's the point. Now you try.
( lisping ): Silly Sammy Skunk
sat on a ( sighs )
Let's try this one, honey.
"Seven silver swans
swam silently seaward."
( lisping ): Seven silver
swans swim silently
It doesn't sound any better.
Well, now, honey,
you you can't expect
a change right away.
That's right. Listen.
You've had enough for tonight.
Why don't you go upstairs
and get ready for bed, okay?
Okay. Night.
Now, listen, Cindy.
Now, don't give up now.
You keep practicing, hmm?
( lisping ): Okay. And
someday I'll speak swell.
Good night, honey.
Good night.
( Sighs )
Say
did you really lisp as a child?
I sure did, only it was worse for me.
How come?
Well, I grew up
in Swampscott, Massachusetts.
All right, let's try this one.
Uh "She sells seashells
by the seashore."
She sells sea
She sells sle
That's not quite right.
Listen again, honey.
She shells sh
See sells
She shells
Well, you know, Cindy,
I'm really kind of busy.
I better go get ready for shupper.
Sss
Shh
Sss Sss
Sss
All right, now say the word.
Thailboat!
( lisping ): "She sells
seashells by the seashore."
"She sells seashells by the seashore."
"She sells seashells by the seashore."
Cindy, would you mind
practicing somewhere else?
Arithmetic is kind of hard.
( lisping ): So are S's.
"She sells seashells by the seashore."
"She sells seashells by the seashore."
"Seven silver swans
swam silently seaward."
"Seven silver swans swam silently"
Baby talk, baby talk.
It's a wonder you can walk.
( lisping ): Stop that, Buddy Hinton.
( Imitating lisp ): "Th-op that!"
Aw, witty-bitty baby talk.
Let's hear witty-bitty baby talk
say something.
Come on.
Say something.
Cut that out, Buddy!
Baby, baby, what did you say?
Quit teasing my sister!
You want me to quit?
Then you make me!
Come on, make me!
Come on, scaredy-cat, make me!
Well
just stop teasing, that's all.
Come on, Cindy.
Just don't pay any attention to him.
Baby talk and scaredy-cat.
Hey, chicken!
Hey, Peter-chicken.
Some chickens are nice, Peter.
Come on, Cindy.
( Sighs )
Cindy, do you mind?
We have to talk to Peter,
and it's man's business.
Yeah, man's business.
We heard all about
what happened in school.
That goon, Buddy Hinton
he's been shooting his mouth
off all around your school.
He says you're chicken.
Well, what happened?
What'd he say happened?
He said you chickened out of a fight.
I didn't chicken out of any fight.
I just didn't feel very much
like fighting, that's all.
Hi, honey.
Oh, Mike, would you go
right up and talk to Peter?
That's one nice thing
about having six kids.
You can always come home to a crisis.
Well, Peter's really feeling low.
What happened?
Well, you know that boy, Buddy Hinton,
who's always teasing Cindy?
Yeah? Well, Peter told him to stop.
The boy wanted to fight, and Peter didn't.
The boy called Peter a chicken,
and
And I better go up and talk to Peter.
You got to, Peter.
You got to fight him!
Have you guys taken a look
at Buddy Hinton lately?
He's big.
He's not so big.
Maybe not to you, but he's big to me.
He looks kind of big to me, too.
If you don't fight him,
everyone's going to call you a coward.
Dad, does it make me a coward
if I don't fight a guy?
No, of course not.
You kidding?
Well, if he bothers her again,
I know how to handle him.
Oh, now, just a second, Greg.
This is Peter's problem,
and fighting isn't the answer to anything.
If it were, why, the biggest and strongest
would always be right.
That doesn't make any sense, does it?
Did you try reasoning
with Buddy Hinton?
Explaining to him why
he shouldn't tease Cindy?
He wasn't exactly in a talking mood.
( Chuckles )
You might have tried, anyway.
Reasoning, hmm?
Calm, cool reasoning.
That's a lot better than violence. See?
And it's the only sensible way
to settle differences, okay?
Hmm?
Clean up before dinner.
Dad's right.
If Buddy starts teasing Cindy again,
I'll just reason with him.
Well, if it isn't baby talk
and her big brother, chicken.
You leave us alone.
What about you, chicken?
Learned how to cackle yet?
Cut it out, Buddy.
Baby talk, baby talk.
I told you to stop teasing.
Make me!
Fighting's dumb, Buddy.
Oh, is that so?
Yeah.
Let's try reasoning together.
Buddy isn't much on reasoning.
You mean he took a poke at you
while you were still talking to him?
I didn't get very far.
Well, I think that's terrible.
Just what kind of a boy is Buddy Hinton?
Well
he's a good hitter.
Here. Put this on your eye.
What is it?
Well, it's Tiger's dinner,
but I think it's going to do you
a little more good than it will him.
That's settles it.
Wait a minute. Mike!
Mike, where are you going?
To talk to Buddy Hinton's father.
We can't have this going on all the time.
Now, you're not going over
there and getting into a fight?
Of course not.
I'm just going to reason with him.
Reasoning. Calm, cool reasoning.
Uh Mr. Hinton?
That's right.
Hi. I'm Mike Brady.
I'm Peter's father.
Oh. How's your kid's eye?
Well, he's got a real shiner.
Too bad your kid don't know how to fight.
Yeah, well, that's what I was
here to talk to you about.
I suppose you know
what's been going on.
Oh, sure. My kid tells me everything.
Buddy tell you that, um, he hit Peter
when he was just trying to talk to him?
He's just sore 'cause
he don't know how to fight.
Did Buddy tell you
the whole thing got started
when he was teasing
my youngest daughter?
So what? Kids are kids.
They're always picking on each other.
Well, you don't care
if Buddy picks on little girls?
I mean, little, little girls.
I don't tell my kid who to pick on.
Maybe you ought to tell him
not to pick on anybody.
What are trying to do? Preach to me?
No, no. I'm just trying
to discuss this in an adult manner.
Well, don't tell me what to do. Buzz off.
Off my property.
Or would you like to be helped off?
You think you could do that?
I'm not a little girl, you know.
You I can handle.
Well, you I'd like to see try.
MIKE'S INNER VOICE: "I'm
just going to reason with him.
Reasoning. Calm, cool reasoning."
Oh, shut up!
No wonder Buddy Hinton acts like that.
His father is twice as bad.
What happened?
He couldn't care less
if his son beats up people
or teases little girls.
That's fine with him.
Oh, Mike, he couldn't
be that unconcerned.
From now on, Peter has my
permission to defend himself.
You want the boys to fight?
No, honey, I don't want them to fight,
but if Buddy pushes Peter around,
then he doesn't have to stand there
like a a a sitting duck.
Stand there like a sitting duck?
Sit there like a sitting duck.
What's the difference?
From now on, Peter can defend himself.
You're as bad as Mr. Hinton.
Where are you going?
To talk to Mrs. Hinton.
What good will that do?
You men are always fighting.
It's your male ego.
Women are different.
We'll just sit calmly
and work everything out.
You'll see.
You are so right, Mrs. Brady.
I couldn't agree with you more.
Oh, I knew you would, Mrs. Hinton.
I'm sure we can settle
this little misunderstanding
very simply.
How would we do that?
You could just talk to your
husband about your son.
Oh, I couldn't do that.
Why not?
Well, that's man's business.
If I poke my nose in that,
Ralph would be terribly upset.
You won't talk to your husband?
Ralph has very strong opinions
about raising boys.
Yes, I'm aware of that.
If I try to talk to him about Buddy,
he tells me, "Buzz off."
And, of course, I buzz off.
Well, um, Mrs. Hinton
whatever Ralph thinks is fine with me.
Surely you must have
feelings on the matter, Mrs. Hinton?
Oh, I listen to Ralph.
And I think you'd be well-advised to listen
to what Ralph has to say,
too, Mrs. Brady.
Frankly, I don't care what Ralph
has to say, Mrs. Hinton.
CAROL'S INNER VOICE:
"Women are different.
We'll sit calmly and work everything out."
Oh, shut up.
Hey.
You're right, Mike.
You're absolutely right.
From now on, if Peter has to,
then let him defend himself.
Didn't you have your
woman-to-woman talk with Mrs. Hinton?
Oh, I tried,
but she's as bad as her husband.
I take it negotiations fell through.
Negotiations? I was
the only one negotiating.
It was absolutely terrible
Ralph this, Ralph that!
She couldn't say Honey, listen
one thing for herself. Wait a minute.
I'll negotiate with you anytime.
I can't understand her being
that dependent on him.
Pow! Right in the kisser.
That's what I'd do to Buddy Hinton.
Too bad Mom and Dad
are patching things up.
Yeah, Buddy needs a good licking.
Might stop him from being such a bully.
You sure you could lick him?
Are you kidding?
Last time, he gave you a black eye.
That was just a lucky punch.
How many punches did he throw?
One.
Boy, how lucky can you get?
Twist and roll, twist and roll!
Boom-boom-boom!
Boom, Buddy Hinton!
If I could get another crack at him,
I'd wipe him out.
Hi, fellas.
Hey, Pete's just showing us
how he's going to take Buddy Hinton.
Pete could wipe him out!
That's what I'm here to talk about.
Your mother and I haven't been able
to get very far with Buddy's parents
and, well, if Buddy starts a fight again,
I think you have the
right to defend yourself.
Hurray! That's great!
GREG: Hey, that's great, Pete.
You're going to get your big ch
I want you to try to reason with him.
If that doesn't work,
and he starts something, well
that's different.
What's the matter, Pete?
Uh, listen
you fellas excuse me for a minute.
I want to talk to Peter alone
and make sure he understands.
Oh, Dad, come on. Come on, Bobby.
Well, I just thought
maybe you might have, uh
something you want to talk to me about.
Go on. You can talk.
Guess not.
Huh? Nothing?
You know, Dad,
I guess I really
I guess I really am a
a coward.
Why?
You mean because you're
a little bit frightened?
Aw
the bravest men in the
world get frightened.
Heroes get frightened, Peter.
Honest?
Why, sure, they do.
You know, standing up
for what you believe is right,
and knowing you may have to defend it
well, that can scare anybody.
Adults included.
There's something else, Dad.
I'm really not a very good fighter.
I've never been in a real fight.
Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of.
You get out of here.
There comes a time, Peter,
when you have to learn
to defend yourself.
Could you teach me?
Yes. Yes, I
well, I could, if you want me to.
Yes, please.
All right, okay, look.
From now on
from now on, you're in training.
And, in a couple of weeks,
Buddy Hinton won't be able
to lay a glove on you.
You think so?
I'm positive.
What if Buddy starts training, too?
( Fight bell rings )
That's it, Peter. Jab and move.
Jab and move!
It's not working.
Every time I jab, he moves.
And every time I move, he jabs.
Don't get discouraged. It takes practice.
It might help if Peter kept his eyes open.
( Fight bell rings )
Can I play, too?
It's not a game.
We skip rope in gym class all the time.
Cinderella dressed in yellow
went upstairs to kiss a fellow.
How many kisses did she get?
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight
( fight bell rings )
Keep moving.
At all times, it's important
to keep moving.
It's difficult to hit a moving target.
Remember that.
You watching? You watching?
( Chuckles )
Now, look. This is called
the old Buzz Saw Defense.
Don't tell me you never saw that before.
Never.
The trick is trick is
you get their attention
on this fist, and then
See? Like that.
Watch. Got it? Okay.
Keep moving.
Get their attention on this hand
( thumps hard ) ( groans )
( Fight bell rings )
That's it, Petey, you got it!
That's great, Pete.
Yeah, you got it now.
Keep your chin tucked in.
Jab, jab, cross!
Cross with the left!
Yeah. Yeah.
Keep moving.
( Fight bell rings )
Seven silver swans
swam silently seaward.
Seven silver swans
swam silently seaward.
Seven silver swans
Are you going to the kitchen again?
All this training makes me hungry.
Oh, Peter.
Yeah?
You don't have to fight
Buddy Hinton for me.
I'm not afraid of his teasing anymore.
How come?
I've been practicing.
Now I speak really swell.
Well, don't worry.
If he starts any trouble,
I can handle him.
Are you sure?
Sure, I'm sure.
I think.
Why are all these kids following us for?
They don't walk home this way.
I guess they wanted to watch.
Watch what?
The fight.
How do they know
there might be a fight?
I guess maybe I mentioned it.
Aw, Cindy.
Well, if it isn't baby talk
and the chicken again.
Hey, chicken, let's hear you cackle.
Let's not start this again, Buddy.
I want to hear you cackle,
chicken. Come on.
( Cackles )
That's dumb.
Cut out all the teasing.
Hey, baby talk.
Itty-bitty itsy-bitsy baby talk.
Cut it out.
What are you going to do about it?
Let's reason. Talk about it.
Shut up or fight.
Don't you want to talk about it?
You heard me. Shut up or fight.
Okay, if that's the way you want it.
I'm ready.
You asked for it.
Gee, Buddy, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to hurt you. Really, I didn't.
Gee, you knocked my tooth loose.
I did what?
( lisping): It's looth!
See how it wiggles?
CINDY: You sure talk funny.
( Kids laughing )
Stop it!
It's not funny!
Baby talk, baby talk.
It's a wonder you can walk.
( Kids laughing )
Don't do that.
It's not funny.
Go on. Get out of here.
Why shouldn't we tease him?
For the same reason
you didn't like him teasing you.
I guess you're right.
You now, Peter, you're very brave.
I am?
Aw Come on.
Let's go home.
( Doorbell rings )
I'll get it. I'll get it.
Hi.
Hi.
Mr. Brady?
Can I come in, pleath?
Uh well, sure.
Hi.
I don't believe we know you, do we?
Yes, ma'am.
I think maybe you do.
I'm Buddy Hinton.
Well, um what can
we do for you, Buddy?
I wanted to see Cindy.
Well, may I ask why
you want to see her?
Well, I wanted to know if I could borrow
her tongue twithter book.
I thought it might help me
with my looth tooth.
Of course you can see her.
And we're very glad
that you're all friends now.
Well, Buddy, have you
learned anything valuable
from this experience?
I sure have, Mr. Brady.
Peter's got a good left hook.
Yeah, he has.