Tires (2024) s02e08 Episode Script

1
[lively music playing]
-Whoa! Sh--
-[bottles clattering]
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
There's a woman
breastfeeding in the lobby.
-Whatever. I even don't care.
-She's got huge boobs!
Good for her. Good for that baby.
Hopefully, the dad's… good to that baby.
You're not gonna look at these boobs?
We never get boobs in here.
-How big?
-[whispers] They're gigantic.
Whatever. Just take a picture
and show me later.
-You've never seen boobs like this.
-I don't even care.
I think he's still upset about the news.
He hasn't spoken to me all week.
[chirping]
Is that a cricket?
Shane does sometimes put a cricket in here
when he's upset.
Effective tactic.
He's a very tactical guy.
Listen, I need you
to talk to Shane for me.
[whispering] I think communication between
you two is paramount.
Look, Will. At some point, I'm gonna need
you to start doing my dirty work
if you wanna be my right hand.
Me?
-I definitely wanna be your hand.
-[Phil] Good.
By the way,
what's going on out there with snacks?
-There's hardly anything. It's a bad look.
-Oh, I'm ordering pizza.
Good idea.
Let's get four meat lovers,
four plain cheese.
Are there really
that many meat eaters here?
Because people say they want meat,
but then they just eat cheese,
and that screws over
the plain cheese people.
It does happen. People get fast and loose.
They say, "Oh, I want meat," then go,
"I'll try some plain,"
but then there's no plain left.
You know, honestly, I think
if we start making some money around here,
I might, during a time like this,
order myself a large, plain cheese pizza
because then I wouldn't have to…
[cricket chirps]
I knew that would eventually end.
-[rock music playing over speakers]
-Father of mine ♪
Tell me, where have you been? ♪
You know, I just closed my eyes ♪
My whole world disappeared… ♪
-Think that's about me?
-Father of mine ♪
-Take me back to the day… ♪
-[cricket chirping]
Who knows?
…your golden boy
Just before you… ♪
[mellow acoustic music playing]
[Jon] Thanks for all you've done.
-Appreciate it. Okay.
-[Dave] Of course.
-Hey, Jon.
-Hey, Darnell. How are ya?
Hey, guys.
-What's going on?
-Good.
It's all right. Plant those cookies
and bring a couple over.
[Jon chuckles]
-You all right?
-Yeah.
[pop music playing over speakers]
[Jon] So we're gonna buy a house,
tell 'em we can afford this shit.
-You know?
-[Dave] Yeah.
All right. Hey, nice to see you.
Good to see you, Darnell.
Thanks, Dave. And I'm Jon, by the way.
How you doing?
Real good.
-What did he tell you to tell me?
-Who… Uh…
[sighs] He wants to know
why you're so mad.
I'm not mad.
-Fucking girls get mad. I'm stewing.
-What can I do to help?
Two months ago, everything was good.
I was getting a bonus every week.
Phil was in Key West.
Now he comes up here, wines and dines you,
gets right in your pants.
-He's not in my pants!
-[Shane] He's not in your pants.
-He's got his hand up your butt.
-[Will] No.
He's using you. He's going,
"You should be nice to your dad."
You're his butt-puppet.
I'm not. I'm his right-hand man.
He's trying to talk to me
through your butt. I'm not falling for it.
He's not using my butt.
He's using my mouth.
Wait! Shane, you know what you're being?
You're being a chilly girlfriend, okay?
There's a party going on,
everybody's having a good time,
but it's cold and you forgot your coat,
so you're like…
[whining] "Oh, I wanna go home!"
"I'm too cold."
No, you're being…
you're being hot bitch girlfriend.
The party actually does suck,
and it is fucking cold.
Everybody's telling you, you look good,
so you wanna stay. And guess what?
We both know, deep down inside,
you've looked better than you do now,
and you've got split ends.
[scoffs]
Fine.
Scurry off, butt-puppet.
Report another failure.
"Butt-puppet" was good.
Chilly fucking girlfriend. I won that.
[tense rhythmic music playing]
Will, Will, Will, Will. Hey.
Can I talk to you for a second?
No!
Look, you're clearly still mad at me
about the conference thing. I'm sorry.
Oh, I don't give a shit.
I'm not wasting any energy
being mad at you.
You're telling me you don't have
any draft emails about this?
Okay. Can I help you with something?
Will, do you like me?
Not really.
-[belches] Why not?
-'Cause you're a hard person to be around.
Says who?
Says everybody.
-Come on. People love me.
-[Will] They don't love you!
They pretend to love you
because you're their boss,
but if they met you out
at, like, a bowling alley,
they would talk to you
and then walk away and be like, "Ugh."
[somber music playing]
[sighs deeply] Yeah, I, uh…
I actually kind of figured that.
Then why do you act like this?
I… I don't know, Will. I mean,
you know, I got four older brothers.
The pride of the family.
Handsome, jacked, tall.
Everybody loved them. Girls loved them.
That's all they talked about,
was just getting girls all the time, and…
I don't know.
I thought maybe if I acted like them,
maybe people would like me too.
[somber music continues]
And I did…
I did fuck girls.
-I got a lot of pussy, actually.
-Okay.
-And people did love me.
-Can we wrap this up?
Whoa. Come on, Will.
Sorry. Tell me about your uncle.
Why don't you go introduce yourself?
I'm sure he's gonna love you.
What is that supposed to mean?
Nothing.
Thank you for being here.
Hey, Uncle Jon.
Can I talk to you for a sec?
Yeah.
Nice to meet you. Yeah, yeah.
How you doing?
-How you feeling about all this?
-How am I feeling?
Shit, I am so happy.
I can't begin to tell you.
-[chuckles]
-Really?
-[Jon] Yeah.
-Cool.
'Cause I heard people go downhill quick
after they retire.
Yeah, well, if that's the case, then, uh,
I'm gonna have fun going down. [chuckles]
-Can people with dementia have fun?
-Jesus, Shane. You okay? What's going on?
-I think you're making a mistake.
-Oh!
I'm happier than I've been in a long time,
and that can't be a bad thing.
Come on. It'll be fine.
Let's have a drink.
Uncle Jon, you know my dad.
The second this place has a bad month,
he's gonna sell it.
Then me and Will are out of a job.
-Come on. Let's have a drink.
-No, I'm all right. I'm good.
[door chimes]
Hey, Dave.
Hey.
Hey, Ron.
[tense music playing]
What's up, Dave?
How you doing, bud?
I'm all right.
Good. [chuckles]
Great.
Maybe put that over there. [chuckles]
[whispers] Does he fucking know?
[sighs]
Hey, Phil. How are you?
Dave. General manager here.
-Nice to meet you, Dale.
-Hey. Phil, right? Chuck.
-Nice to meet you, Chuck.
-Nice to meet you.
We were actually in the middle
of a private conversation.
[laughs] That's funny.
-You mind if I jump in?
-Yes, we do.
Hey, Phil. You got a minute to talk?
[Phil] Right with you, Jon.
-Excuse me, uh, Chuck.
-Chuck, yeah.
[Phil] And, uh, Dale.
Dave. [chuckles]
Way to go, idiot. You just scared him off.
I didn't. He was barely looking at ya.
It's fine.
[Dave sighs]
How's the Invisalign going, Chuck?
I think you know it's not going well.
[indistinct conversation in background]
[Kilah] What do you think's
gonna happen to us?
-Nothing.
-Are you sure?
You worried about something?
[sighs] I mean,
I just feel a little stuck right now
'cause my dad clearly wants to retire.
I gave you a job,
and now you're making mine harder.
[Will] And I can't just force him
to work here forever.
But if he sells it to somebody
like Marilyn's, I'm out of a job.
I am firing every one
of you fucking blockheads day one.
So then there's Phil.
If you were looking to get into business
with me, you have to show me your balls.
[Will] But it's Phil.
I dunno. He seems fine.
I was talking to him earlier.
-About what?
-The car.
He liked it. He thinks if I fix it up,
I can get double what I paid for it.
[Phil] Double your money.
-He was encouraging you to sell it?
-[Cal] I don't know if he's encouraging.
He's just saying it's an option.
You sell it and move on
to the next project.
[sighs deeply]
I feel like I'm a little underdressed.
What do you think?
-No, you look good.
-I don't think so.
I wanna go home and change.
I'm gonna go home. I'll be back.
[indistinct conversation in background]
Hey! What's up, Shane?
Yo. What's up with you and Lisa?
Nothing, dude. It's all good.
Ron's got no idea.
Bro, I think he has a fucking idea.
Nah, he's just an intense guy.
I think he's on the spectrum.
-You fucking cucked an autistic dude?
-It's all good. They have no idea.
They're probably arguing
about something else, so…
Um, tell me about your dad.
Like, is he cool?
He seems like a cool guy.
-I'm gonna be working for him, so…
-He's gonna fucking hate you.
-What?
-I mean, he's, like, real religious.
[Dave] What?
[Dave sighs]
-I'm basically like the Antichrist.
-I know.
You're like a badass devil guy.
Pussy-hound. Devil man.
Mm-hmm.
-You still like me, right?
-Yeah. You're the fucking best.
You're one of the worst people I've met.
It's awesome.
Thank you, man.
Just don't bring up
any of the pussy stuff, or drugs,
or any of the other
cool devil stuff you do with my dad.
You know what you should do?
Look up a Bible verse
about hard work or something like that.
Okay. I can handle that.
"Thou shall not fuck
an autistic guy's wife."
That's not in there.
They didn't know about that back then.
If they rewrote the Commandments,
that would be high up there.
-It wouldn't be top ten.
-Don't say any of this shit to my dad.
-Fuck!
-[Shane] You'll be all right.
[Dave] I'm fucked!
[Phil] Jon, you just gotta trust me.
I'm your brother.
-I'm not gonna sell Valley Forge.
-You got a bit of a track record.
With live bait stands.
[scoffs] Okay, listen to me.
The whole reason I stayed in this business
is because I wanted Will to have a job.
-You're not gonna fuck him, are you?
-Oh my God. What are we talking about?
-Well, I talked with Shane--
-You talked with Shane?
Yes. He's worried about it.
Shane's worried about it?
Let me tell you something.
Shane is an emo baby.
You know he plants crickets in here
just to fuck with Will.
-Sounds like something you'd do.
-Well, yeah. It's genius.
Yeah. [chuckles]
How is it you get along with him so well
and he won't even speak to me?
I just leave him alone.
Might be worth a try.
Leave him alone?
I'm not gonna leave my own son alone.
Shane's the reason I'm here, Jon.
[scoffs] Tell you what.
Will calls me every single day.
Trust me, you do not want that.
Mm-mm.
[Phil growls]
[tense banjo music playing]
Hey, Phil. Dave again. General manager.
I don't know if you remember from earlier.
[Phil] Of course.
So this is the sequel
to our blockbuster conversation before?
I wanna say how thrilled I am
to be working together.
Wait. Dave?
-Are you the guy banging the receptionist?
-[scoffs] What?
No, I…
I'm a married man, Phil.
I would never disrespect
one of the Lord's sancraments like that.
Any man that cheats on his wife…
[spits] …disgusts me.
Some people make mistakes, Dave.
You really have mastered forgiveness
like our Lord preaches.
What can I say?
I guess I just really love the Scripture.
You know, St. Jude's letter
to the Ephesians 14.
"May thee not spill thou seed
in the voluptuous harlot
mightened it spill to the ground and
sprout the poison tree."
It's one of my favorites.
-Right.
-Beautifully recited.
[clears throat] And I think
the meaning, really, is just,
"Once a cheater, always a cheater."
So you're one of those guys.
What? Um…
-[rock music playing over speakers]
-[Phil] Ugh.
Later, Rabbi.
Where have you been ♪
You know, I just closed my eyes… ♪
-[Phil] Can you please turn it down?
-Turn what down?
[sighs] Can you just be
a grown-up for one minute?
-I'm grown up as shit.
-[music stops]
I got a good job.
I got a girlfriend. I have a gun now.
Look, I thought you would be excited
to work together.
I was excited when you showed up,
then you talked shit on me at Applebee's.
You scared my girlfriend away.
You fucking bought my job,
which you're definitely gonna sell.
If you hadn't scared that girl away
by the time I met her, I had no shot.
Okay.
-[song resumes]
-Oh God.
Shane!
Okay, so maybe this whole thing
was just a bad idea.
If you don't want me to take over,
then maybe I won't.
I don't want you to take over.
Tough shit. I already bought the business,
which means I took over.
-I don't even care.
-Really?
You're blasting a song about
an absentee father for the last hour,
and it's my first day here.
Not everything's about you, dude.
What, are you gonna spaz now?
Freak-out on your first day at work? Cool.
It's not even the best song on the album.
The best is the one about the guy swimming
past the breakers.
I don't even know who the fuck sings this!
It's Everclear. Look 'em up.
Fuck! The name of the song
is "Santa Monica."
[hip-hop music playing]
I think you're making a mistake.
-[man] Are any of these chicks single?
-[Jon] Huh?
Are any of these chicks single?
-I got a little story. [chuckles]
-No stories.
[laughing]
This is a business party.
Thank you! Thank you, Joe. Thank you.
No, I know you don't wanna be a man,
but you are, technically.
-We all doubt it. And that's you.
-[Will] Okay, Joe, thank you!
-Good job.
-[all murmuring] Yeah!
[man 1] To fucking Will! King Will!
-King of the hill Will!
-[man 2] All right!
All right, let's get this rolling.
Hey, if I could have
everybody's attention,
I just wanna say a couple of things. Um--
Well, I think we should begin
with a prayer.
We're not gonna do that, Dave.
Go ahead, Jon.
[Jon] Um, first of all,
thanks, everybody, for stopping by.
I appreciate all the gifts
and the thoughts and everything.
-It means a lot. Oh.
-[door chimes]
[soft music playing]
Ew. Kilah's hot now?
-Holy shit.
-Kilah, you look good.
Thanks. Thanks. Thanks, everyone. Um…
-[man 1 whistles]
-[man 2] Damn.
I thought this would be nicer.
Uh… I'm gonna just step outside
real quick. I'll be back.
[Jon] Wow. All right.
I wanna tell you how great it's been
working with you over these years.
I also wanna say
that you're in good hands here with Phil.
He's had a lot of successes
running many, many,
many, many, many different businesses.
[pensive music playing]
Anyway,
thank you all for 30 great years.
And I can't wait to forget this place
for the next 30. [chuckles]
-[man] Hey.
-[Jon] Cheers.
[all] Cheers.
I'd also like to make a few comments, uh…
First, thank you for coming here tonight
to celebrate my brother's retirement.
It means a lot to Jon.
It means a lot to me.
It's true, I have not worked
in the automotive industry,
but I've owned some manufacturing plants,
some Burger King franchises,
and for a short period of time,
I was a roadie with the legendary
rock gods Foghat. [chuckles]
-[man] Oh, wow.
-That's some dirty leg.
-Dirty leg?
-Just means he got a lot of pussy.
[Phil] I also wanna take the opportunity
to maybe clear the air.
I don't just plan
on taking over Valley Forge.
I plan on taking it to the next level!
[Joe laughing]
[silence]
Not the response I was expecting.
Maybe, uh, there are a few among you
that have doubts?
[Shane scoffs]
Shane, did you have a question?
It's not really a question. It's more,
raise your hand if you have doubts
Phil can run this business successfully.
[Phil] Okay. It's true.
Whilst I do not have experience
in this business,
what I do have
is experience in the people business.
[Shane] Oh wow.
That's powerful stuff.
It is powerful stuff, Shane.
Let's move on.
You coming in?
[Cal] In there?
No way.
That's a family dispute.
I don't want anything to do with it.
Makes sense. You know, no pressure.
You do look really nice.
Hmm. Thank you.
[Cal] Yeah.
You should take a picture
and put it on a dating profile.
Yeah, maybe.
-I'm gonna go ahead and start it up here.
-[engine turns over]
[engine rattling]
[Cal] I just gotta work out some kinks.
[Kilah] Yeah, just a couple kinks, maybe.
[Phil] Going forward, I'm going to be
leaning on each and every one of you
to guide me through this journey.
I know sometimes it can be tough
to have a new coach,
but I plan on taking Valley Forge
all the way to the championship.
-What do you mean by "championship"?
-You know what "championship" means.
What if we don't win a championship
right away?
We're playing the long game, Will.
Any more questions?
Yes. I'd like to state, for the record,
earlier I was lying about everything.
I, like you, am a cool,
dirty leg-getting guy.
Muff-stuffing son of a bitch.
I'm essentially an industrial magnet
for getting pussy.
-You're not a magnet.
-I am a magnet, Chuck. You know that.
I'm one of those big-ass magnets
they put at the top of a crane
when they're doing car demolitions. Zsh!
Talking big-ass decommissioned buses
of pussy.
Shut the fuck up, Dave!
I don't wanna work Saturdays anymore.
[Phil] Okay, let's save
the scheduling questions for Monday.
Now, with the exception of Dave,
are there any other questions?
-I just… Really quickly, then I'm done.
-Ah fuck.
I'm also not religious.
I don't know fucking Scripture.
God can suck my dick. Ahh!
I'm a fucking heathen.
It sounds like you need therapy
and you're gonna burn for eternity.
Yeah, probably, 'cause I have sex so much.
-[Dave cackles] I love pussy.
-Jesus Christ.
I love cheating.
I fucked one of the girls that works here.
-You son of a bitch. I fucking knew it.
-It wasn't me.
-Dave, can you tell Ron it wasn't me?
-You lied about that, you pig.
Out of respect for Ron, I will abstain
from answering that question, but…
Uh, fuck you, Dave! Fuck you!
-[Lisa] You're leaving.
-[Ron groans] I'm fucking leaving!
If I see you again,
I'm gonna fucking kill you!
-[Lisa] Come on!
-[Ron] And fuck you, too, Will!
Whoa, that guy's out of control.
[forced laugh]
Hey, while we're on the subject,
is it true nobody likes me?
[Phil] Uh, I think I can safely say
that guy doesn't.
No.
Now then, are there any other questions?
I never get to watch my daughter
play soccer on Saturdays.
Enough about Saturdays!
I'm saying I would like to see
my daughter's soccer game sometimes.
Chuck, you no longer have to worry
about Saturdays because you are fired.
Well…
[quiet murmuring]
I just don't wanna work every Saturday.
You don't have to worry
about working any Saturdays
any time in the near future
because I just fired you.
-Uh, well, can we talk about it?
-[Phil] No, we cannot.
However, you can help yourself
to a piece of cake,
but don't touch the knife
'cause you don't work here any longer.
Dave, can you get him a piece?
I don't want any fucking cake.
And also, if anyone else wants to quit
or get fired, now's the time.
-Shane?
-Do you want me to quit?
-[Phil] Do you wanna quit?
-It's not up to me. It's your company.
Glad you brought that up.
From this point forward,
Will, my nephew, and Shane, my son,
will own a combined interest
of 10% in Valley Forge.
Congratulations, boys.
[Phil clapping]
And, Chuck, because I'm such a good guy,
I believe in second chances.
Do you wanna come back to work here?
-Uh, yeah.
-How's that?
Yes. Yes.
Good. And does Mrs. Chuck have a phone?
Yes.
Get her to take video of your daughter
playing soccer on Saturdays.
That way, you can fast-forward
through all the boring shit.
-Problem solved.
-Uh, yeah, yeah.
[Phil] Great.
So I'm a visionary,
and I plan on taking Valley Forge
into the valley of badasses!
Who's with me?
[rock music playing]
-Yeah.
-All right. Let's have some fucking cake!
I feel great ♪
I feel fine ♪
I'll be all right ♪
If you just mind your business ♪
I'll keep ♪
Minding mine 'cause I'm ♪
Stuck on loop ♪
Stuck on loop ♪
Stuck on loop ♪
Same program night after night ♪
Although I always watch ♪
I still don't know how it ends ♪
One day ♪
I'll get through ♪
But until then, I'm… ♪